Book Jacket

 

rank 648 (+2)
word count 84272
date submitted 03.05.2008
date updated 26.12.2009
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: universal
complete

TRAV ZANDER

Lexi Revellian

 

Trav Zander makes an implacable enemy when he takes on the task of hunting a dragon... Don't like fantasy? You'll like this.

 

What happens when you get what you want - and when you don't? Or when you have it, don't realize, and let it go...

Trav Zander is a freelance solver of problems. His latest job, for the appealingly large fee of fifty thousand ducats, is to locate the dragon in the mountains, and bring it to Carl of Thrales, inheritor of the kingdom of Ser. Carl wants the ultimate weapon; a warrior dragon.

And if he puts Zander in the dungeons instead of paying him, it won’t cost him a penny…

 
 

tags

, adventure, amusing, complete, dragon, dragons, entire, escape, fantasy, fiction, friendship, good read, humour, knight, knights, love, medieval, pag...

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CHAPTER 1

Dragon quest

 

‘I wish to acquire a dragon.’

‘Did you have a particular dragon in mind,’ said Trav, ‘or will any old dragon do?’

‘Why?’ Carl of Thrales sounded suspicious. ‘Do you know of any dragons?’

‘No.’

Carl’s eyes raked him up and down as though having second thoughts, while Trav stood looking back at him. Carl was in his mid-twenties, and had inherited the kingdom of Ser six months ago on the death of his father; he had an air of sleek confidence, lolling as he was on his ornate gilded throne. A smooth face, a slight curve of the mouth and arched eyebrows gave him a calm superior air. Mouth and eyes, looked at separately, seemed to be smiling; taken together they were not.

Apparently shelving doubts raised by the unkempt appearance of the man in front of him, he said, ‘Zander, you come highly recommended. I’ve been assured you are discreet, or I wouldn’t have sent for you.’

‘Silent as the grave, drunk or sober is my motto.’

Carl gave him another dubious look.

‘You can rely on my discretion,’ Trav added. Katrin used to complain he never knew when to be serious. If he didn’t shut up he’d talk himself out of this job. She would have told him to wear something smarter, too. She’d probably have been right. Still, the guy wasn’t hiring him for his dress sense.

‘You work alone?’ 

‘Yes.’ Trav had tried employing people, and concluded it was not worth the hassle. He knew he could rely on himself.

‘Do you have any experience of dragons?’

‘Does anyone? There haven’t been dragons round here since my grandfather’s day. Like everyone else, I heard they were used in the battle for Tarragon.’

Carl considered, then seemed to make up his mind. He leaned forward. ‘There’s a dragon at present living in a cave in the mountains on the border. I want it. I want you to find it, and bring it here.’

‘Supposing it doesn’t want to come?’

‘I have heard it said dragons are rational animals, and in that case I give you full authority to offer it anything it asks for.’

‘Anything at all?’

Carl smiled. ‘Anything at all. But I leave the details to you. I just want you to get it, whatever that takes. I don’t care how you do it.’

‘Tricky job. Those caves are pretty inaccessible, and there’s a hell of a lot of them. And the one thing everyone knows about dragons is they’re big and breathe fire. How much are you paying?’

‘What are you asking?’

Trav did a fast calculation. Super-rich ruler of Ser, a prosperous little country; dangerous and unprecedented assignment; his own record of under-charging. Go for it. He said as casually as possible,

‘Forty thousand ducats.’

‘Very well,’ Carl of Thrales agreed, without turning a hair.

Damn, should have asked for double. ‘Half in advance.’

Carl smiled again, but not a friendly smile. ‘Now you ask too much. Do you think I am not to be trusted?’

‘I don’t think anything. I don’t know you.’

‘You’ll get your money on delivery of the dragon. Take it or leave it.’

‘Without an advance it’s fifty thousand.’

Carl’s eyes narrowed for a moment, then his features resumed their former serene expression.

‘It’s a deal, Zander.’

Trav walked out of the palace trying to limit the smile that wanted to spread itself all over his face. He would have punched the air and whooped, but for the numerous Palace Guards he was passing. Yes, he’d done it…for the first time he was positive he was charging enough. And Carl of Thrales could certainly afford it. Trav had never been anywhere so elaborately and richly decorated as the room he’d just left. It was all new, too, must have been done after Carl’s father died. Fifty thousand ducats…real money at last. 

Trav had a long-standing problem with money. He did not have enough of it. He was a hard worker, and had been in turn a bounty hunter, an arms smuggler to would-be rebels, and a spectacularly insubordinate and therefore unsuccessful mercenary. These jobs had kept him alive, but that was all. Now he had found his metier working solo as a professional risk-taker, a trouble-shooter, a solver of problems. He excelled at it, and was never short of work. One satisfied customer handed him on to another.

But however promising the deal the profits remained modest. Quoting a price when each job was different was not easy; Trav had a regrettable tendency to underestimate the costs. Fearing to lose the work if he charged too much, he usually ended up charging too little. Now and then he actually lost money on a job. It was one of the things Katrin used to nag him about; one of the reasons she’d left him.

It was no accident she was now married to a wealthy merchant, whom she obviously thought made a better father for Kit. When Trav insisted on paying towards their son’s upkeep, Katrin had laughed.

‘Keep your money, I’m sure you need it more than we do. Lysle sees that we want for nothing.’

In spite of this, on each visit to Kit, he gave Katrin a bag of coins that she would immediately lay down somewhere. The last time he’d been, he saw the money he’d brought the time before, still sitting where she had put it weeks ago.

Thinking about Katrin had made Trav’s smile fade. He didn’t want to think about her. He put their failed relationship firmly to the back of his mind, and started to plan the dragon hunt.

 

Trav inched his way up the rock face, dusty and sweat-streaked, his fingers clinging to impossibly small crevices, on his way to the forty-third cave. He had been climbing since dawn, and was beginning to wish he hadn’t counted them. Trav believed in early starts, and besides, he didn’t know if dragons stuck to the same cave, so he needed to finish the task in one day. He did not want to complete his cave-by-cave search, only to find the creature had moved overnight to one he had already checked out, meaning he had to start all over again. Every now and then the unwelcome thought recurred that he had only got Carl’s word for it that there was a dragon here at all. Nobody in the nearest villages had mentioned it, when he’d asked casual-seeming questions about the mountains and what was up there.

Trav levered himself over the edge into the cave. At first glance it looked to be as empty as all the others, but he sat and leaned against the wall having a breather and waiting for his eyes to get used to the dim light at the back of the cave. Some of the caves went back into the rock a long way, and he was thorough. He had fifty thousand reasons to be thorough. He knew he had not missed the dragon so far, and that was the way he wanted to keep it.

Feeling thirsty, he got out his water bottle and had a drink. As his eyes adjusted he noticed something metallic-looking shining on the floor at the black back of the cave. He went over to investigate, thinking of treasure. Gold, he thought, but what is it? He had never seen anything quite like it, and he was not sure what it was supposed to be; some ancient artefact, he guessed, beautifully made and perfectly preserved. In the near dark he could not tell if it was metal or carved and gilded wood. Putting out his hand, he touched it. It was warm. It twitched away from his touch. It was the end of a dragon’s tail.

He jumped back, his heartbeat accelerating.

A small voice said, ‘Go away now and I won’t breathe fire over you.’

Trav looked around him until he located the dragon’s head up by the cave ceiling, just visible over the top of the rock it was hiding behind. Big golden eyes were watching him from fifteen feet away. Well within roasting range, Trav imagined.

‘Uh, could we just talk about this for a minute before you do something hasty you might regret…’ Trav edged backwards. ‘I’d rather not go just yet, because there’s something that maybe you would want to hear about. I came to put a proposition to you. You never know, you might be interested in it. Let me introduce myself, my name is Trav Zander. Trav short for Travis. No one calls me Travis, though. Well, my girlfriend did, but only when she was annoyed with me. So she called me Travis quite a lot…we’ve split up now. Probably just as well. You don’t want to hear about that, though. Why don’t you come out from behind there? You look a bit squashed. Then we could talk.’

The dragon concentrated, and came to a decision. ‘I’m coming out now, but remember I can breathe fire any time I want to. I’m very good at fire-breathing.’

The dragon backed out of its hiding place. Trav thought it big, not knowing the size an adult dragon attained. This one was only half grown, and attractive; Trav was somehow positive it was a female. Her scales were almost translucent, like golden glass; she glowed in the gloom of the cave. Her shape was light and elegant with many pleasing curves. Once emerged into the larger space, she turned round and focused on Trav. Then she put her head right down to his level and looked closer. She shut her eyes and opened them again, intent on Trav. Her breath was warm and pleasantly savoury.

‘Hi,’ said Trav. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Seraphine.’

‘That’s a nice name.’

The dragon hesitated, then said, ‘It’s not the name I started with. I chose it. The man who reared me called me Goldie. When I flew away I wanted a better name.’

‘Why did you fly away?’ Talking was good. The dragon wouldn’t breathe fire while it was talking. Probably.

‘He was going to sell me, I think. I wasn’t sure I’d like where I was going. I thought I’d go and find some other dragons.’

‘Did you find some?’

‘No. I’ve got to think where to look.’

‘I’ve heard where there are some dragons. The Hundred Knights have got three. Maybe we could make a deal.’

‘What sort of a deal?’ Seraphine curled up comfortably on the floor of the cave and put her head on one side. Trav was warming to her. He sat down too, by the edge of the cave with a panoramic view of country and sky behind him. She was a nice intelligent little dragon, and he’d never expected her to be so friendly. It surprised him how easy it was to read the expressions passing over her face, though it was so different from a human’s. He wouldn’t mind having a dragon like her; in fact he wished he had found her on his own instead of as Carl’s agent. A dragon might be useful in his line of work.

Trav started the negotiations. One of the reasons he had satisfied customers was his integrity. He believed every party to a deal should know all the facts, or it wouldn’t stick. In his time he had brokered a lot of deals. He told Seraphine about Carl of Thrales sending him to get her. He even told her about the fifty thousand ducats.

‘Who is Carl of Thrales?’

‘He’s the ruler of Ser. I don’t know much about him, he only took over recently. I come from Kimber myself. Carl’s father got hold of the country by staging a military coup twenty years ago. He was pretty good as unelected rulers go, had a reputation as a man of his word, hard but fair.’

‘Why does Carl of Thrales need me?’

‘He didn’t tell me, but I guess he wants to start a Dragon Battalion of his own. How do you feel about being a warrior dragon? He said to offer you what you wanted. What do you want?’

Seraphine considered. ‘First I would have to meet Carl of Thrales to see if I liked him.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘And if I liked him, then before I worked for him, I would want you to take me to meet the other dragons you spoke of.’

‘I’m sure that could be arranged.’

‘Also I want you to stay with me.’

‘Why?’

‘I would like it.’

‘I expect Carl’s got some guy of his own lined up to take care of you. And I don’t know that I want to work for him full time.’

Seraphine’s expression became stubborn. ‘Then neither do I. I’d rather work with you.’

Trav, though flattered and tempted, had not forgotten the fifty thousand ducats, or his reputation for doing what he had said he would do. He had an agreement with Carl. A compromise was called for.

‘Supposing he would agree to you working for him part time, say alternate weeks or three weeks out of four? If he wants you as a fighting dragon I don’t see he’d need you there every day. Then I’d have time for my own stuff, and you could help me if you wanted to.’

‘What if he agreed then wouldn’t let me go?’

‘How could he do that? If he wants you to work for him he can’t keep you chained up. You’re a dragon – you could always fly away.’

Seraphine nodded.

‘Then, if he agrees, we have a deal?’

‘Yes,’ said the dragon, ‘but there is something I should tell you. I was lying before. I can’t breathe fire, I’m too young. I will when I’m bigger.’

‘No one’s perfect.’ Trav grinned. ‘I can’t breathe fire myself.’

 

The journey back to Carl’s palace in Ravendor, Ser’s capital, was much quicker than Trav’s journey to the caves, because the dragon gave him a lift on her back. Trav felt precarious; her scales, each the size of Kit’s hand, overlapped smoothly, forming a slippery surface. He sat between two of the central spines, which was not very comfortable. But he was staggered by how fast the trip was, flying straight as an arrow’s flight. It would be worth keeping a dragon just as a mode of transport.

They neared Carl of Thrales’ palace, and Trav told Seraphine to land in a formal walled garden immediately outside. She flew lower, level with the tree tops, then raised her head and beat her wings more vertically to slow down. Trav wasn’t expecting this; he grabbed her round the neck to avoid slipping off; her back feet landed, followed by her front feet, and Trav made an inelegant and unexpected descent on to the grass, upright but not quite sure how he got there.

Seraphine and Trav waited a minute while the palace windows filled with watching heads, then a guard came and led them under an archway through a court and into a large room. The big double doors closed behind them with a muted booming sound. Trav began to have misgivings. Carl entered, followed as he always seemed to be by an excessive number of guards. His eyes glowed when he saw Seraphine. He turned to the captain of the Palace Guard by his side and spoke to him.

Seraphine moved closer to Trav. She nudged Trav insistently, and looked at him round-eyed.

‘I don’t like him,’ she whispered.

‘You haven’t met him yet! He might grow on you.’

‘I don’t like him. I don’t want to work for him.’

‘Are you sure about that? You’re not going to change your mind?’

‘No. I don’t like him, and I never will like him. I don’t like it here. Can we go?’

‘That could be difficult. We shouldn’t have come inside.’ The guards had spread out round the walls while they were talking. ‘Just agree with what I say. The first chance we get, we’ll fly away.’

Carl approached and Trav introduced him.

‘Seraphine, this is Carl of Thrales. Thrales, this is Seraphine.’

‘Welcome to Ser, Seraphine,’ said Carl.

He beckoned to some of his men. ‘Take the dragon to its quarters.’ He turned to leave the room, saying to Trav, ‘Come with me.’

Trav followed him through the doorway. ‘Hold on a minute. Seraphine has come here like you wanted, but she has one or two requirements she’d like to discuss. You need to make sure you’re both happy with the deal.’

Carl raised his eyebrows. ‘You are exceeding your brief, Zander. I hired you to bring the dragon here, not to act as its lawyer.’

‘You told me to offer the dragon what it asked. You haven’t heard what that is yet.’

‘No, I told you to bring the dragon here by offering what it asked. There is a difference. There’s no need for you to be involved further.’ He nodded at two guards who came and seized Trav’s arms and removed his weapons. Carl continued,

‘You made the same mistake with the fifty thousand ducats, I’m afraid. Again, it was just an inducement to get what I wanted. Now I’ve got the dragon, expendable is the word that comes to mind to describe you. Superfluous, that’s another one. Redundant, surplus to requirements, that’s what you are, Zander.’ Carl was enjoying himself. ‘Do you know, I really can’t think of any reason why I should want your services in the future sufficiently to hand over such a large sum now. A tiny fraction of that amount will keep you in bread and water in my dungeons for as long as you last. Far more cost effective, I think you’ll agree. Or, and this might be an even better idea, I could have you killed. Now that wouldn’t cost me anything at all.’

‘Release me, Carl, you lying devious scheming bastard, or the dragon will torch you and all your guards.’

Carl smirked. ‘Unlike you, Zander, I do know about dragons. I’ve done my research. This little specimen is not nearly full-grown. She won’t be breathing fire any time soon. But what makes you so sure she’d leap to your defence?’ He gazed thoughtfully at Trav. ‘I think I’ll send you to prison after all, keep my options open a little longer. Just in case I come up with a use for you. That’s the nice thing about power. I can do anything I want. Absolutely anything.’

He snapped his fingers, and Trav was taken away.

 

Carl went to his library. His father had been a keen reader and collector of books, an enthusiasm he had failed to pass on to his son, but one glass-fronted locked bookcase on a wall apart from the others was exclusively Carl’s. In it was a small collection of volumes, among the oldest and shabbiest in the library, that Carl had gone to some trouble to procure. He took out a key and opened the case, running his finger along the titles:

Fogwatt’s Guide to Rare Beasts

Nicholas Campion’s Compendium of Four-footed and Winged Creatures

The Natural History of Large Reptiles

By Wing and Fire, a Dragon Master’s Story

A Dragon from the Egg: how to hatch, rear and bond with your own dragon by Sir Piers Tytherton

The Dragon Keeper’s Guide: a Manual of Dragon Lore

Wyncham’s The Compleat Dragon Master

Carl took out the last three books, and sat down in a comfortable chair by the window to find the information he needed. He suspected something inconvenient and irreversible had happened with regard to his dragon and Zander, and wanted to check whether he was right.

Ah…the first book he opened, on the title page of Sir Piers Tytherton’s guide; there it was, a prominently placed disclaimer:

‘Let it be remember’d by He that readeth this my Booke, (though indeed ‘tis without Rival for Excellent Counsel), the Man chooseth not the Dragon: ‘tis the Dragon which maketh his choice of Master, as his Heart ordains, and oft times his Preference is beyond the Wit of Man to comprehend. No Money return’d.’

Carl closed ‘A Dragon from the Egg’ and flicked through the other two. They said much the same thing, at greater length. He put the books away and stood for a while, deep in thought.


 

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Sheila Belshaw wrote 58 days ago

Trav Zander

Lexi,

I'm assuming you wanted me to agree to a read swap, although I never did receive your message - just the notice that you'd sent one.

I chose this novel out of the three, as it looked as though it was rather far behind the other two in the ratings. And I'm so glad I did. What an enthralling read. If I were a teenager I would buy this for myself for Christmas.

You have that rare gift of hooking the reader not only with your pitch, but with your first sentence, and then with every sentence after that. It's called being a born story-teller. And I wish I could put my finger on the one elusive ingredient that makes this possible.

Excellent dialogue, especially between Trav and the young dragon, but equally between Trav and Carl. Your prose flows smoothly adding to the joy of this read.

Backed with great pleasure.

Best wishes, and good luck with this one.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Jo Ellis wrote 144 days ago

I wasn't sure this would be my type of story but how wrong I was!

I instantly warmed to Trav who is an endearing character and was excited about joining him on his journey.

You a fabulous writer and I got lost in your story.

Jo xx

Spoilt

Krista Darrach wrote 166 days ago

Trav Zander--
Lexi,
I'm here returning a read for Patrick (Shakespeare's Cuthbert). Thanks so much for reading his work.
I was more than happy to see not one but two gold star books on your page, then even happier to read about Trav and the dragon. I keep saying as I've been here on authonomy that I'm not a fantasy person, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop saying that. I quite like the fantasy books. Well the good ones anyway. That would include this wonderful book.
I began to read - and it wasn't like 'starting' a book - it was as if I'd been reading this book for quite some time. There was NO settling into it. BAM... I knew Trav and was engrossed in his journey.
The dragon....oh how well you've created this being. Such personality. I loved the rambling that Trav spouted off as he talked to her. Priceless. And the bond that is automatically felt between the two of them, as she shares part of herself with him. I loved it. Right then and there I would have sat, book in hand and read the entire thing from cover to cover. This is excellent. I don't have have anything to add that could or would make this better.
Excellent!
On my shelf.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

d.rev wrote 233 days ago

Hooked before I had even finished chapter one. Smart, playful, unique, intriguing, pithy... a thoroughly entertaining read that absolutely deserves to find the printed page. I look quite forward to enjoying the full story. Shelved for sure...
Dawn (Cockaigne)

d.hibbard wrote 364 days ago

Lexi--I don't usually read fantasy, but this is amazing. The opening sucked me and is very gripping--I've shelved the book and can't wait to read more.

K.Z. Freeman wrote 2 days ago

hahah great opening, I don't think only YA's would enjoy reading this, I liked it :)

J.V. Douglas wrote 4 days ago

An interesting adventure. I like the dragon and Travis. The story line seems authentic for the times and well written. I like Pom and Snap. All interesting characters. Best of luck with it.

seasoned_geek wrote 7 days ago

I made it through the end of two chapters on here and was amazed that I didn't find any stumbles. You must have sent this out for professional editing.

YA is a bit difficult for me to read, but this seems to be very well written. Backed.

SRFire wrote 9 days ago

A compelling fantasy with original characters and natural dialogue. The best thing I like about this book is Lexi's voice which keeps you entertained and glued. I wish you every success with this, Sana

lionel25 wrote 9 days ago

Lexi, I've read the first chapter of Trav Zander. Good writing all around. The only thing I could spot was an apparently superfluous sentence. [Feeling thirsty, he got out his water bottle and had a drink.] I'd take out the "feeling thirsty" part. It seems like an almost clumsy add on.

Happy to back this book.

Regards,

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

gillyflower wrote 44 days ago

This is a very enjoyable book, and very suited to its YA audience. Your plot is exciting, and you grip us straightaway with Trav's agreement with Carl to catch a dragon for fifty thousand ducats. The meeting between Trav and Seriphine is beautifully written, with Seraphine coming across as a real three dimensional character, just as Trav has already done. The relationship between Trav and Kit is very moving. The affection which has grown up between Trav and Seraphine is also very sweet. I hope things are going to develop between Trav and Isolda, since there seems to be little hope of anything going well with Katrin. Davenant also is emerging as an interesting character who may have a role to play. Your writing is polished and witty, and you move the plot on at a good fast pace. A book to enjoy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Telegraph wrote 48 days ago


I was hooked from the first word and I don't generally read fantasy. This work is a fantastic voyage that the reader takes without even realizing it. C W

KW wrote 51 days ago

"or will any dragon do?" Well, I have a couple you might like. You would think that to be the response and off goes the story. "If he wants you as a fighting dragon, I don't see . . ." This is a very enjoyable read. I'd love to have a dragon with which to pal around. Please, though, don't breathe fire on me.

Beval wrote 53 days ago

I'm hooked.
I love the dialogue.

Beval wrote 53 days ago

You've hooked me.
Shelved for further reading

Jennaroni wrote 53 days ago

Lexie I've only read the first three chapters so far, but I'm loving it and know I want to put it on my shelf now. Your heros, Trav and the dragon are both gentle souls, even a little naive and our hearts immediately go out to them. Your villain Carl, is deliciously nasty and the tale unfolds beautifully. I can see that complexities are about to enter and I'm looking forward to reading on. I can't imagine any publisher not wanting to publish this.

Jen (Play or Die)

Tim James wrote 55 days ago

A very engaging and readable story. You have a good eye for characters and story that your YA audience will love. Although I'm no great reader of YA fantasy I can see this would do well in the market.

A few observations though, if I may.
I feel that sometimes you have a tendancy to over explain in the narration and also in a couple of cases in the dialog. Less might be more and I think the readers would grasp what is intended quite easily.
Secondly, be careful about POV. I got the feeling from CH1 that it was supposed to be through Trav's POV but it wanders occasionally. If the story is intended to be multiple POV then I would make that more obvious as soon as possible. The jumps into another POV can be jarring to the reader if they are only occasional.
I love the first line though, how could you not read on when you read it?
Backed with pleasure.
Tim.

david brett wrote 56 days ago

Well, this is something! I don't pretend to have read it all, just the opening 6 chs. and some others. But it makes a strong impression. Very funny. How funny that the dragon turns out to be a chick! Trav is an excellent character, indeed they are all good portraits - Carl a most convincing nasty toff. Isolda is sex-on-legs ( though so far as I could see, quite proper) The politics a fine mixture of deceit and humour. It feels like a very good story, though it was rather like reading by lightning - flash and bang. An obvious success. You might well chose to edit if down a little, here and there, but Ihaven't read enough to make worthwhile suggestions. Backed, of course DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

lynn clayton wrote 56 days ago

Lexi, the relationship between Trav and the dragon is irresistible. YA will devour this.They'll be with Trav every step of his beautifully-described way. A great adventure.Shelved. Lynn

writingwildly wrote 57 days ago

Don't have much to add for the critique, but I did want to mention ... I don't know your earlier story, but I was actually a little confused in the very opening. I couldn't quite figure out who was speaking when, and in whose POV the story was being told. Other than that, I liked the way you grew the characters and the direction the story was taking.
backed
- Genevieve
p.s. I'd love to see what you think of my book, Under The Same Sky

Sheila Belshaw wrote 58 days ago

Trav Zander

Lexi,

I'm assuming you wanted me to agree to a read swap, although I never did receive your message - just the notice that you'd sent one.

I chose this novel out of the three, as it looked as though it was rather far behind the other two in the ratings. And I'm so glad I did. What an enthralling read. If I were a teenager I would buy this for myself for Christmas.

You have that rare gift of hooking the reader not only with your pitch, but with your first sentence, and then with every sentence after that. It's called being a born story-teller. And I wish I could put my finger on the one elusive ingredient that makes this possible.

Excellent dialogue, especially between Trav and the young dragon, but equally between Trav and Carl. Your prose flows smoothly adding to the joy of this read.

Backed with great pleasure.

Best wishes, and good luck with this one.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Alpha Tango wrote 58 days ago

Wonderful story. The opening is excellent and it only gets better from there. Shelved.

Update - I've finished the entire thing in one sitting. It's that good. I can see everything in my mind as it happens, from the debaucherous party and the tainted wine to the bar ruffians dealing with the outsider. I wish you well, and looking at your other books, I see you've got a good track record.

AlanMarling wrote 64 days ago

Dear Lexi Revellian,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your greatest strength lies in your characterization of Trav. I’m immediately drawn to him, for making a joke even when maybe he shouldn’t and for regretting not dressing smarter and for undercharging and for losing Katrin because of it. I snorted a laugh at “Well within roasting range”. I also appreciate that you waste no time in bringing Trav to the dragon, on affair I’d assumed I’d have to wait chapters to see. Seraphine is a nice dragon name, and I like how you make her feminine. You have a great description of the dragon, and I wish you could expand it just a smidge because I have trouble imagining a dragon with “pleasing curves.”

You ramp up the tension in your pitch, then leave me with a cliffhanger knowing that for his efforts, Trav may end up in prison. In my fallible opinion, you could make your pitch even stronger by removing the ellipses, which I found distracting. Also, you may have heard that it’s risky to start your story out with dialog; I’m happy to say that your opening two lines are so interesting that I believe they work. However, your third and fourth lines may lose some of the momentum; you might wish to consider excising them so the reader can sooner get to your great description of Carl “lolling on the throne”.

These are small matters, and I enjoyed your story and so will many young adults. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Madison C. Woods wrote 76 days ago

Not what I expected, but I've sure become attached to the dragon and Trav's relationship already. I've only read Chapter one, and there's a lot of work that still needs to be done on the expression of it, as in my own, but this is a good story idea and I like it.

Madison Woods - Retribution

jfreedan wrote 78 days ago

Critique wise, I'm not sure what more I can add to this so I will only say that I think the premise is interesting and I will support this. Backed.

Nik Vincent wrote 93 days ago

If 'Tarragon' is a deliberate reference both to the herb and to the dragon in the herbs, that's fine. If it's accidental, lose it. If this is as arch as it appears to be, you could be on to a winner. I hope that it is. The prose style is competent and you don't fall into the trap of unpronounceable names, or too arcane a style.

Shelved,

Adelie High (Naming Names)

andyroo wrote 96 days ago

This has publishable written all over it. Imaginative, rich, accessible; there is no reason why someone wouldn't enjoy this. It is clearly very well planned out, the characters and the world they inhabit are effortlessly flawless. Good luck with it.

Andrew

cLew wrote 101 days ago

The first convo between Trav and Carl was so light and witty. Love Trav. All in all, love your chapter one. I know someone who has the same kind of issue with money, and I found it hilarious. Btw, Seraphine - great name. Can't wait to read more!

Mary McGuire wrote 109 days ago

This is great. Loved the bit about Trav wondering if he was charging enough - I so sympathised - loved the awkward conversation with the dragon, too.

The narrative bundles along nicely, I enjoyed reading it, it's well written, slick and compelling. The only thing you might do is, where you change the POV for example, from Trav to the two guards, either have a new chapter or some asterisks. Just a thought.

Otherwise, just the kind of stuff I like to read, fantasy which is accessible to non geeks. Shelved.

Cheers

Mary Mc
Few are Chosen - comic fantasy

Clare Stephen wrote 118 days ago

Now I can see why you've been so successful on this site. The depth of your imagination is staggering and something which I very much admire. A lot of work has gone into this and you should be proud of your achievements. Happily shelved. Clare (Second Lives)

Sly80 wrote 120 days ago

Reading your one not-yet-gold-star novel, Lexi. 'taken together, they were not' clever observation; pity Trav doesn't pay it more heed. Underestimating costs has bedevilled mankind since bartering began, so my sympathies to this Professional Risk-taker. Stubborn dragon, is Seraphine, and impulsive ... and intuitive 'I don't like him' ... neither do I, but he's a great villain. Hah, the dragon has imprinted on Trav. The action is impressively written; I could see Trav's antics at trying to escape. 'He's a nice child' ... sneaky trick. I'm wondering who the woman is. 'Saves valuable time in the morning' he's a neat sense of humour. Mm now wondering where Pom et al fit in. Corfe has a worse anger management problem than Snap. Northwood and Carl conniving. Isolda seems his main weakness. I'm relieved that Katrin won the day re the rescue.

This is storytelling at its finest, the words bring the scenes to life, involve the senses, tickle the funny bone, worry, scare and baffle us. The fact that it's a fantasy with a dragon is neither here nor there really ... though it's a very nice dragon ... the characters are real enough to make us react emotionally to them. On my shelf.

J.L. Ivy wrote 123 days ago

This has been on my WL for a while, not even sure why I put it there originally. I kept skipping over it because I have never read a book about dragons and I was okay with it staying that way. Tonight I decided that it must be on my WL for a reason, either somebody on my news feed had backed it or I saw an interesting message on the forum that you had written. So, I started reading. I'm glad I did. Your characters are wonderful, both human and dragon. The story is told in a charming way and I thoroughly enjoyed what I read.
While I'm still not a fan of dragon stories in general, I am a fan of yours.

Backed.

J.L. Ivy
Unlikely Angel

Jane Alexander wrote 124 days ago

It's hard not to read books about dragons (particularly gorgeous female dragons) without thinking Eragon, but I have to say I much prefer your writing! I really enjoyed this (and I'm not a huge fan of straight fantasy) - you write in a lovely easy style that gently pulls the reader along.
My only quibble - as with many books on Authonomy, my own included - is the very beginning. I think you need to establish right upfront that we're in Trav's POV. Wouldn't take much, just a slight reordering of a sentence or two. For eg, (and just a suggestion) - Trav stared evenly at him while Carl's eyes raked him up and down......
He knew who Carol was - a twenty-something who had inherited.....
Just hold our hands a little right at the beginning.
Then it totally settles and we're off and by heck don't we all want a dragon of our own?
Very happy to back this...
Jane
(Walker)

Joseph Self wrote 125 days ago

I am really enjoying your story. I've only gotten through a few chapters, but I'm hooked. You characters have a lot of - well, character. Having Trav be a bit older, with a son and an ex, is a nice change from the normal "boy meets dragon" stories out there. I am looking forward to the rest of the story.

JR Self
Isis McGee & the Differlings

PD Allen wrote 126 days ago

I found this highly amusing. The characters and the plotline are very interesting. The dialogue flows smoothly. The negotiations with the dragon were delightful. The dragon itself is a wonderful character, as is Trav.

This is an excellent bit of storytelling.

PD Allen ~Murderer's Sky

Freeman wrote 128 days ago

I like sci-fi and fantasy and especially Anne McCaffrey and have lots of her dragon books. (The Dragon of Pern). So your book is interesting for me.

‘Carl was in his mid twenties…throne’ - for me this does not flow well. I was not sure about the whole paragraph and it felt like it was almost from Trav’s POV but not quite. Then ‘Apparently shelving doubts’ confused me on whose POV.
‘You can rely…’ In this para, I know it is Trav’s POV.
You write ‘and the one thing everyone knows about dragons is they’re big and breathe fire…’ if everyone know it, why state it? Maybe some mention about - the risks of being trampled to death or burnt alive makes it expensive - would portray the message better.
Saying ‘I don’t know you’ to a ‘Super-rich ruler’ is rude and does not add up. He would have found out in advance. You mention Trav and Zander, personally I would stick to one name. You could mention his full name earlier though.
You mention forty thousand ducats. I was in banking and have experience of most of the different currencies in the world, I did not get a feel for its worth. Forty thousand US dollars is worth much more than forty thousand Japanese Yen. Give us an idea of what he could buy with it with his thoughts. “Hmm twenty horses – drink myself silly for year.” ‘a bag of coins’ is this a lot or a little?
‘The dragon hesitated’ - ‘Seraphine hesitated’ makes her more personable (dragonable). The dragon wouldn’t breath fire while it was talking’ You have already given her a sex ‘ maybe ‘she was talking’.

I liked your story and the end of the first chapter with the obvious bonding of the dragon to Trav. I think this still needs some work before it reaches the editors desk. Young adults tend to bond better with characters of their own age and it seems Trav seems to be too old. I wish you luck with your book and will add it to my w/l for now.
Tony

Michael Croucher wrote 131 days ago

Hi Lexi, your writing wins the day. Because this was outside of my genre, I had intended to read only enough to comment on style and voice etc. Those were both excellent, but right from the get go (the very first sentence), I was pulled in and kept turning pages, a sign of a very talented writer. I'm happy to give it a bit of time on my shelf.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

Jedward wrote 138 days ago

You are right, Lexi. I don't care for fantasy, but I love your story! (Don't feel bad, I can't breathe fire either)
Wonderfully written! Best Regards, Jedward (Brünnhilde)

Jedward wrote 138 days ago

You are right, Lexi. I don't care for fantasy, but I love your story! (Don't feel bad, I can't breathe fire either)
Wonderfully written! Best Regards, Jedward (Brünnhilde)

Marko wrote 143 days ago

Don't read fantasy as a rule. Tried it in the past and decided it wasn't for me. However, since it's you, Lexi, I sampled the first chapter of Trav Zander - and blow me, I enjoyed it.

Of course it's your brand of humour that does the trick. Most writers of the genre take themselves too seriously, so I don't think I'll be extending my reading in the future.

Have backed it, although I'm sure you won't need my help.

Marko

Jo Ellis wrote 144 days ago

I wasn't sure this would be my type of story but how wrong I was!

I instantly warmed to Trav who is an endearing character and was excited about joining him on his journey.

You a fabulous writer and I got lost in your story.

Jo xx

Spoilt

CamilleS wrote 147 days ago

I only read the first three chapters. I know I want to go on, so that's a good sign to put you on my bookshelf. I'm excited to find out what happens next. Can you really go wrong with dragons?

shedscribe wrote 155 days ago

lexi - you're right about one thing - i don't normally like fantasy all that much - at least really dark serious fantasy - but i did like this. you write with great clarity and your characters don't sound a bit like they're in "made up" lands - they sound very contemporary and that's what kept me reading. the characters are fresh and wonderfully drawn and they really jump from the page. i kept wondering who would play trav in the movie version. my bet is on gerard butler. i digress... ;-)

best of luck with this. shelved.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster)

PD Allen wrote 157 days ago

The opening dialogue is lighthearted and engaging. It very effectively draws the reader into the book. This looks like a fun read.

I regrett I cannot read more than I did because I am out of town, with limited access on a relative's outdated computer.

PD Allen ~Murderer's Sky (Book 1 of Under Shattered Skies)

Kenneth Rogers Jr. wrote 157 days ago

Hey Lexi,
Just got done with a read through of Trav Zander and found it very interesting. What i liked most about it was the characters. Each of them has a very distinct role and you make sure they each stick to their role and have their own voice. this is very good for a young adult novel. The lines of good and evil need to be very distinct, with just a little bit of gray area that is revealed later.

However, an area that needs some work is the description. When Trav walked into the kingdom I wanted to see the majesty of the room and the elaborate decorations. I'm sure the young adult readers will want to same as well. I wanted to feel the dinginess of the cave. Just little details of the surroundings that i am sure your young adult readers will appreciate.

You may also want to work on a little of the dialogue. The part where Serephine says she will breath fire is not very believable. She is voung so make her seem more young in her attitude. You have a great start, but that one line just didn't ring true. Putting in these details will make the young adult feel accomplished after reading the book. It will make them feel worthwhile that they were not treated completely as children and that they did something truly amazing. I know that's the way I felt when reading as a kid.

You have a great novel here and I am proud to place it on my wall. Good job and good luck.
Love and Fear: The Diary of Oliver Lee
Kenny

macdibble wrote 163 days ago

I'm not going for the opening. It feels, just quietly, like you wrote it using two points of view or omniscient then overwrote it to change it to just one point of view and now it feels a little awkward. It settles down once Trav is alone. I like the dialogue. Can you just paste the dialogue into a document and try rewriting the rest being really conscious of which point of view you want to use? It IS the opening, after all. It will be worth it.

Rob Bassett wrote 164 days ago

Great story, just a few minor quibbles - some of the dialogue sounds modern, 'dumping' people etc; also Carl of Thrales doesn't sound like a villain's name; I'm also not sure what age group you are aiming at. I noticed some one commented that their young kids would like this, but then in some parts it's all about mistresses and bitches, so I would say more older to late teens. Anyway, I loved this tale. Backed
Rob Bassett

msm0202 wrote 165 days ago

Lexi,

First, this is so refreshing and here's why (aside from the great writing): I was expecting that Trav was in serious trouble as he climbed the mountains searching for the dragon's cave. In other dragon stories, I would expect an explosion of hot fire spewing out if any human got near the beast. Yet here we find that Seraphine, for starters, can talk. Second, she admits she's too young to breathe fire and third, well... she's smarter than most humans. I have young daughters and they will love Seraphine, and Trav, too, of course.

I've truly just started reading this story, but I'm going to back it now. (Then I'm going to ask if you'd send me the entire MS via email so I could print it and read it with my daughters so we don't have to read the whole thing on screen.)

This should have already been published. You're one of the best writers on this site, and I can see why you already have two gold stars.
Mark

Krista Darrach wrote 166 days ago

Trav Zander--
Lexi,
I'm here returning a read for Patrick (Shakespeare's Cuthbert). Thanks so much for reading his work.
I was more than happy to see not one but two gold star books on your page, then even happier to read about Trav and the dragon. I keep saying as I've been here on authonomy that I'm not a fantasy person, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop saying that. I quite like the fantasy books. Well the good ones anyway. That would include this wonderful book.
I began to read - and it wasn't like 'starting' a book - it was as if I'd been reading this book for quite some time. There was NO settling into it. BAM... I knew Trav and was engrossed in his journey.
The dragon....oh how well you've created this being. Such personality. I loved the rambling that Trav spouted off as he talked to her. Priceless. And the bond that is automatically felt between the two of them, as she shares part of herself with him. I loved it. Right then and there I would have sat, book in hand and read the entire thing from cover to cover. This is excellent. I don't have have anything to add that could or would make this better.
Excellent!
On my shelf.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

Troodo wrote 166 days ago

TRAV ZANDER
Lexi Revellian
A well-written intelligent young adult fantasy, you haven’t dummied down to insult your target reader.
Everyone wants the baddies to lose and the goodies to win; it is nice that you saved the young guard Davenant.
And the hero gets the girl!!!

Read the lot, shelved.
Troodo,
The Rose of Gildvadane.

Take a look at chapter eight, I noticed the odd run on sentence and possible odd comer needed.

HJ Daly wrote 169 days ago

Hi,

Read the first few chapters and enjoyed. This is a little different, liked the dialogue between Trav and the dragon.

Work flows well.

Good luck,
HJ

paxie wrote 169 days ago

Lexi
Not usually my kind of thing... I dont have a vivid enough imajination....I could never write anything like this in a million years.....Many congratulations.......Your prose and dialogue are very sharp, direct and interesting, you dont waste a word.....

I went to the Winchester Writers Conference....A Literary Agent gave a speech on 'How not to Present a Manuscript' top of the list was to open with dialogue....Its like walking into a room, the television is on, the most thrilling conversation is taking place, but the picture has gone out.....How annoying is that?

Better to set up the scene, Karl and Trav, sitting by a roaring fire in winged leather chairs, bla bla bla.

The opinion of the Good & Great is that, only you, the writer, can see the opening scene, unless you have the decency to show the rest of us.......

I am only the messenger here. Just passing on what I paid £130 to listen too.... Hope it helps...

Shelved with great pleasure. An enjoyable read.

SHRous wrote 172 days ago

I got halfway through this, and I will be finishing it. This was great to read, and I enjoyed it. You do a great job in showing those things that allow the reader to really understand the characters without feeling bogged down with trivial details. Shelved.

Sandie Newman wrote 172 days ago

Very good, excellent, funny opening as if acquiring a dragon was the most normal thing in the world, loved the bit where you said looked at separately his eyes and mouth were smiling, looked at together they were not, brilliant, shelved.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

JD Revene wrote 175 days ago

Lexi,

Thank you for yesterday's friend request. I make a point of reading all my friends' so here I am. I see your other two works already have Gold Stars (well done you--twice?--that's incredible).

Your ptich is slick and there's little to say about it. My only observation is on the second half of the short pitch, I wonder about the effectiveness of this. I only ask because many readers don't like erotica--or think they don't--I've consider a similar approach but worried it would be counter-productive.

By the way, I do like fantasy though only a few writers (Tolkein of course, Katherine Kerr is wonderful and I enjoyed the earlier works of Raymond Feist).

Anyway, into the work proper. The initial impression is of slick writing you start with dialogue and put the reader straight into the action.

There's some great descritpiont too, I love the smiling eyes and mouth that taken together aren't smiling.

Minor observations: there's some telling of things that could be shown (sounded suspicious, as though he was having second thoughts, apparently shelving doubts); and I felt that the doubt was repeated a bit too often.

When you list Trav's colourful job history I wonder whether there should be an 'and' between arms smuggler and mercenary.

The transition from the introductory scene to the next is smooth. Travis' nervous speach to the dragon is great. I love the way he rambles. We all tend to do that when nervous don't we?

Couple of thoughts about the dragon's lines, in the first you lead with the tag, then have the words. I feel it would be more effective the other way round . . . or with the tag embedded in the dialogue. I notice quite a few of your lines starts with tags, beats, or little snippets of narrative. I find that breaks the flow of the dialogue a little--and also makes it harder to pick out dialogue passages on the page, when speach is presented at the beginning of lines a series of quotation marks guide the reader. However, this is obviously a matter of personal preference and I shan't comment on it any further.

Then the dragon's second line is presented the same way, except that this time the tag is "the dragon thought" and now I'm wondering if there's some sort of ESP happening that I hadn't picked up from the first line (delivered in a small voice).

One last point, similar to my earlier one, in the last line of dialogue you use both a tag and a beat:

Trav grinned. "No-one's perfect," he said. "I can't breathe fire myself."

I don't think you need both. I'd go with the beat but nestle it in the dialogue:

"No-one's perfect." Trav grinned. "I can't breathe fire myself."

When Carl goes to the library I wonder if you list perhaps one or two too many dragon books: Seven works, with long titles and author attributions takes up a lot of space, and the effect is probably achieved after naming only two or three.

The chapter closes on a good note.

It seems to me, at the end of chapter one, that there is little I can offer you by way of valuable critique: This is well stuctured and well executed. The only observations I've had have been essentially matters of style. Whilst I've commented on minor nits--matters of preference more than anything else--I've enjoyed this you have all the ingredients I look for in fantasy: a world that feels believable, without relying on constant info-dumping; point-of-difference from other works (and your dragon is quite different); and a good story, one that could work in another genre with few tweaks but works best as fantasy. In short this is the sort of work I would happily buy for weekend or holiday reading.

Thus, I shall stop here, and give this a spin on the shelf.

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