Hey BJ,

I've just read the opening chapter, and I'm hooked. Hale Marcum is already a very endearing, genuine character. He's not a swaggering action hero or a dopey self-deprecating wall-flower -- just someone you might actually know, and who would truly have issues with suddenly being able to do what he is doing!

I want to read more, but I'm going to stop and back this one right now.

John Pearson
Learn Me Good

Dear BJ,
This is so original. I think the premise is fascinating, never read anything quite like it. You immediately bring a sense of "psychic" mystery into the story and it rises above the typical murder thriller. I think your opening is powerful - both visually, and audibly. I haven't encountered that much, either, and I think it's a great tool...the focus on the sounds in the courtroom. I am very particular to your style of short, concise paragraphs, just enough but minimal description. I love it - it's how I like to write, too, and this style makes the story so readable and well-paced. I'm in chapter 2 now and can't break away. Bravo - I wish you the very best with this!
Lizzi
(Dionysus)

I try to write detailed comments, BJ, but that would be a waste of time in this case. This is simply and honestly one of the most professionally written, original, clever page-turners I've had the pleasure of reading here, or anywhere else - bought!

B.J
What a great concept for a story and starting with the court case really gives the reader a sense of what this ‘gift’ might mean to a writer like Hale Marcum. It was easy to get engrossed in the courtroom drama; the two dimensionality of the peripheral characters just made the spotlight shine all the more strongly on Hale.

There is a ghostly feel to this narrative as if Hale has somewhat emotionally detached himself from what is happening around him. Maybe it’s the use of the present tense, or that Hale is just not getting enough sleep at night, or maybe he is one smooth character with all the action happening in his head. Regardless it gives the book a dream-like quality, all shadow and introspection – despite all those lights being turned on.

Writing as you have in this way enables the reader to see and feel as Hale does, albeit in a second hand capacity and it adds a unique quality to the impact. I feel like I am there with Hale but not there, I am the ghost in the room following his movements and listening to his thoughts but unable to get involved in anyway. I am just the observer.

Your story is compelling in another way, it is hard to stop reading, and I’d covered 5 chapters before I realized it. I could find no fault with what I'd read. This is the sort of writing that needs to make it to the editor’s desk and ultimately the bookstores. All the very best with it. Backed.

Kind regards
Lesley (Disaster – Bk 1 of The Elemental Trilogy)

Hi BJ!

I love your pitch, and can tell early on why you've won the Fiction Press award. The editing is very well done, it's evident you (and anyone that helped you) have been thorough in combing through this!

You jump right into the story line, and the pace is fast, but not too much. Good flow, the dialogue as Mr. Marcum stands his cross-examination is believable. It's easy to sympathize with his character immediately. Very well done. I'll definitely be back for more, and will most likely regret that I cannot read the whole thing here on Auth! (I'll have to buy it in print, as I'm sure it will be soon!) Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

BJ - i need the rest but i've read enough to back it . regards.......Greg Ryan - UNDERCOVER MESSIAH

Does my review make any difference at this point? :) Regardless, this is fantastic. It deserved the Ed's desk, and I hope it makes it all the way through.
Already Backed.
Tracy
The Guardians

Congratulations on being selected for review!!!! Best of luck to you.

Congratulations! I wish you success in becoming published. Sincerely. Marie

Congratulations on your Gold Star- I am really happy for you:)
I wish you all the very best with your book.
Warm regards,
Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land

Congrats!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

Congratulations on being selected for review!

Many congratulations.

Charles

So close, so just backed you. Hope it helps.
Best of luck.

Hi B.J
thank you for your comments and support of Valene Halloway. I like the original concept. Your pitch entices the reader and your writing style is enjoyable to read. All the best.
Beth

Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you'd slipped to No. 5. Then couldn't believe I'd forgotten to back you after reading a few chapters of your book last week. So jumping in now to hopefully help a little.
No pressure and no obligation but I would be grateful if you could have a quick look at "Never My Thirst". Comments from good writers are a lot more valuable to me than ...................
Txs. Alessia.

Bravo, B.J.,

I really like your tight writing style and very original conccept. The Pitch hooked me, and the first chapter sucked me into Hale Marcum's world right away. Thoroughly enjoyable. I will back it with pleasure.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

Yes! Finally, someone who also puts location and time stamps at the beginning of chapters.

Is there anything I can say that hasn't already been said?

You create tension patiently. And you keep it up. I think there's little else that needs to be done to compel a reader to read on.

So...yeah...keep it up.

-Terry (Happy Birthday, Zach)

B.J.:

If the entire novel was posted, I would keep it on my shelf to finish it.

Job very well done.

Backed with pleasure,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Woooooooahooooo. Your writing is like the most awesome episode of Law and Order played out in a story. I could feel myself in that courtroom, I could taste the tension, I could see every coniving smirk of the defense attorney.

What can I say that already hasn't been said by everyone else. There is a reason your book has made it to the top 5--sheer talent.

Backed with pleasure!
Britney
BFL

[[i am off to read chapter 2....and 3.....and....]]

Totally dig this book. Really gripped me from the start and I'm always skeptical of psychic-type stories. I'm all in on this one.

Backed.

I was a little wary, starting into a court scene and in the first person. Usually the first person gets old fast, but in your case it holds, right through to the shiver from the ice cream, which is as far as I am able to read here at my desk at work. I wish you all the best. Backed.

What a great premise. I read the first six chapters and loved how you are bringing the story to light. Hale is a great MC. Will read more when I have time to savor this! Backed!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

This reads well. Bold choice, putting it in first person present, but you pull it off admirably. I thought it would annoy me after awhile, but it didn't. I read the first four chapters. Loved the courtroom scene and the "parlor trick" at the end of it. The next few chapters develop the relationship between writer and editor, give us a glimpse into Hale's gift and his problems with it. The shower scene had a nice spooky quality to it. I like that he sleeps on the sofa to avoid writing at night. The girl in the glass coffin is an intriguing setup for the mystery, and promises a good read to follow. I like that she is probably still alive. Gives us a good ticking clock to amp up the tension. I wouldn't read this far into your story at the bookstore, because I'd be pulling out my wallet after chapter one. Good job. Backed.

David Wisehart
Devil's Lair

Tension packed start, good build of Marcum’s personality with the first person narrative, I guess the only believable choice with a psychic! I like his ‘parlour trick’ as it raises questions very early on without being so unbelievable that the genre jumps to sci fi.
I also love the ‘writing in his sleep’ and the gentle slightly innocent/bemused way that he tells us – like how he might tell us that he had also been snoring. You write well, I went as far as chapter 3 and think is a good story developing well. Best of luck with it, Hapless

I read the first chapter and chapter 8, and wish I had time to read more. Brilliant idea - just the sort of story I love to read and wish I'd written!! Backed :)

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Hi BJ,
Your synopsis had me hooked - it reads like something I might have read on the back of a Dean Koontz novel. Interesting idea and from what I have read it is a great read too. A clear professional style. I hope you get something from your position in the chart! I hope to read more when I get the chance.
Steve

Hi BJ. I wanted to take a look at The Ghost Writer before it gets to the ED review and had a great surprise. I love your first person present tense narrator (small wonder, as that's my fave voice as well). After ten chapters I am Hale Marcum and you manage to wrap the rest of the story very well with dialogue. Once or twice I thought that Hale was having a touch too much internal reflection, but then I thought what the hell, it's moving along. I'll be very interested to see what HC has to say about it.
Backed with a bullet.
Turnip
The Rise and Fall of Ger Mayes by Ruby Barnes

What a good beginning. Backed. Kop - The Lucky Bean Tree.

A fascinating start, promising a great story ahead. I like the unassuming character of Hale - and the way you have written the story in the first person. It works really well. Great writing, storytelling and plot - and it's already on my shelf! Best of luck!

Hi B.J
You invited me to read your book ages ago, so apologies for the tardy response.

I don't like present tense narratives much, and if I opened a book and saw that, I would probably not read on. However, you have such a great story (based on the pitch), and strong characters, and you write so well that I was hooked. I just had to keep reading to see what happened. I have only read a few chapters so far, but that is more than enough to see why you are top 5. I will pop back and read more later. You don't need my backing, but you have it.

BJ,

I ove this, love this, love this! Great first person narrative. Great premise. Impeccable writing. Very polished. No wonder you're on the editor's desk! BACKED Susie Parker, Foul Player.

Hi B.J.

I thoroughly enjoyed this gripping thriller.
It is very fast paced as you say on your profile.
I can see quite clearly why you are in the top five, it's because you deserve to be.
A pleasure to back.
Sarah. T-cup and The Dream Team Fairies

Hi,

I read this a couple of weeks ago as the outline of the story sounded like my kind of book. Once I started, I couldn't stop reading it. I want to buy the book so let me know when it's published and I will be amongst the first to buy it!

If this doesn't get published, then there is no hope! Which, would seriously put me off of posting my stuff on this website... I am rooting for you, it's my top book on here! Well done!

Backed!
Abby

This needs a better ending.

The ending isn't posted.

A couple of comments about your protag.

IMO, he thinks he knows himself, but he doesn't, not really. He thinks he keeps thinking of himself as a bad guy, but that he really isn't.

At the moment, that's true. But if he keeps living like he does---isolated from people--he's going to turn into a bad guy. The intense isolation will destroy him. The process has already started. There are some real red flags. The bad housekeeping. The irritable reaction when people show up at his door. Walking around his house with no shirt on.

But more than anything else, the vast sense of emotional disconnectedness that underlies every word in this novel, the lack of empathy.

He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt an innocent female has been buried alive---and his emotional reaction is almost ZERO. And even then, his reaction is irritation at what it's doing to HIM. It's all about him. Not the female. This lack of reaction to other people being hurt shows up again and again, although it's starting to get better by the end of the novel, because he's been exposed so much to other people.

This is exactly what I wanted to communicate. In a first person novel it will appear that the reaction is personal. That's why I chose present tense. As for reaction - he calls the police, he tries to find her, he feels sick (and throws up) has nightmares, refuses to eat and sleep -- in my opinion that is reaction.

Hale is detached, perhaps a little cold. As someone with a similar personality and skill set I can say that if you let yourself get too involved it will rip you apart. The content in Chapter 1 - should show the reader that Hale feels persecuted -- and when you get poked at enough you want to ignore things. That's why the headaches and denial. You can't "deny" and then "overreact" -- it doesn't work. I wrote this in third person first, and it was too over the top. I wanted a character that wasn't superman or a soapopera. So, cool underpressure and detacted is where I landed. If he refuses to look into the grave to see the woman buried there - then he can't gasp and "react."

A LOT of readers are going to be turned off by this. They're not going to be able to say why, but they're going to feel in their guts there's something not right with this guy.

I hope they are asking why - in Chapter 18 Hale himself thinks he's crazy. But I don't think people will be turned off. Deep down I think Hale is troubled, and I'm hoping people will hang in there with him. He is not a classic hero - and I think that's what makes the book unique.

This guy is walking down a dark road. He's only taken a few steps, but it's definitely the direction he's headed. The process has only barely started. I wasn't surprised to learn the protag was only 28 years old.

This is not what this guy really wants. There's a real battle going on inside this guy, but he doesn't know it. I don't think he doesn't cook because he doesn't want to. I think he doesn't cook because it gives him an excuse to leave the house and interact with other people.

He's not the recluse he thinks he is. He was all gloomy and morose inside the house, but once he got out of the house, he livened right up. A true recluse would've moaned and complained the entire time and wanted nothing more than to go back inside his house.

He knows---unconsciously---his isolation is destroying him, destroying his emotional connection to other people, and that getting out of that house is putting that emotional connection back.

You're exactly right - but he doesn't go out because he's writing. He doesn't date because his childhood sweetheart was killed and he thinks himself responsible. He isn't close to people because they leave him. Chapter 4 and 5 give some insight into this part of his character, as do the flashbacks towards the end of the book which are not posted.

If an editor sends this back -- at least I'll know they read it. For now, Hale will remain cute on the outside and creepy on the inside. Thanks soooooo much for offering this indepth crit. You really "got" my character as I have painted him. He may not be right for the mass market, but he is right for me.

I do appreciate your time above all else. Thank you for making me think.

This needs a better ending.

A couple of comments about your protag.

IMO, he thinks he knows himself, but he doesn't, not really. He thinks he keeps thinking of himself as a bad guy, but that he really isn't.

At the moment, that's true. But if he keeps living like he does---isolated from people--he's going to turn into a bad guy. The intense isolation will destroy him. The process has already started. There are some real red flags. The bad housekeeping. The irritable reaction when people show up at his door. Walking around his house with no shirt on.

But more than anything else, the vast sense of emotional disconnectedness that underlies every word in this novel, the lack of empathy.

He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt an innocent female has been buried alive---and his emotional reaction is almost ZERO. And even then, his reaction is irritation at what it's doing to HIM. It's all about him. Not the female. This lack of reaction to other people being hurt shows up again and again, although it's starting to get better by the end of the novel, because he's been exposed so much to other people.

A LOT of readers are going to be turned off by this. They're not going to be able to say why, but they're going to feel in their guts there's something not right with this guy.

This guy is walking down a dark road. He's only taken a few steps, but it's definitely the direction he's headed. The process has only barely started. I wasn't surprised to learn the protag was only 28 years old.

This is not what this guy really wants. There's a real battle going on inside this guy, but he doesn't know it. I don't think he doesn't cook because he doesn't want to. I think he doesn't cook because it gives him an excuse to leave the house and interact with other people.

He's not the recluse he thinks he is. He was all gloomy and morose inside the house, but once he got out of the house, he livened right up. A true recluse would've moaned and complained the entire time and wanted nothing more than to go back inside his house.

He knows---unconsciously---his isolation is destroying him, destroying his emotional connection to other people, and that getting out of that house is putting that emotional connection back.

If I were an editor, I'd send this back with an order that this character be more connected to other people, that he FEEL more.

Man, I have ZERO problem backing this. This is certainly one guy the HC editors should read.

One comment.

This protag is an introvert to the MAX, man. A pretty girl forces her way into his apartment, and he's actually MAD about it. IMO, the real reason he's mad at these ghosts is because they force him go out into the world and face people. This could be a problem for the average reader, who might eventually get tired of listening to this guy moaning and groaning ALL the damn time. As an editor, I might recommend cutting WAY down on all the interior stuff. Not all of it, mind, because that is the way he is, but a lot of it.

Jeff Corkern
AFTER THE AWAKENING

I just read chap 20. Your story is both exciting and a genuine page-turner. I predict The Ghost Writer will find its way to a bookstore near me soon. I would certainly buy your book and it's on my bookshelf now.

A couple of nits to pick on this chapter. If I had just defused a bomb, I suspect I'd have plenty of adrenaline left over to open the coffin too.

The first sentence of the penultimate paragraph has two problems. "Eight a.m. tomorrow morning" is a redundancy and I suspect Beth's back was rigid, not ridged.

Congratulations on a ripping read.

Hank--Carnival Time

I just read chap 20. Your story is both exciting and a genuine page-turner. I predict The Ghost Writer will find its way to a bookstore near me soon. I would certainly buy your book and it's on my bookshelf now.

A couple of nits to pick on this chapter. If I had just defused a bomb, I suspect I'd have plenty of adrenaline left over to open the coffin too.

The first sentence of the penultimate paragraph has two problems. "Eight a.m. tomorrow morning" is a redundancy and I suspect Beth's back was rigid, not ridged.

Congratulations on a ripping read.

Hank--Carnival Time

It posted this twice, dam Authonomy!

I must admit books written in the present tense always put me off, but it does add the air of immediacy to your story. I like the premise, it is mysterious enough to hook me and the dialogue is real and convincing. Loved that line 'its easy to separate yourself from reality when you're a writer' ha ha! irony to Authonomists and within the story ;-)

This is absolutely intriguing and difficult to put down, so to speak. This is a mystery that I want to solve along with the character. Very realistic. Easy to read and follow, drawing you in and keeping you there. Best of luck with it. You should do well.

This is one of the more intriguing premises I've come across on this site. Your writing has a very natural flow to it, your words are paced perfectly as they describe scenes and actions with literary precision. Hale seems like an honest guy, someone the reader can side with right away. The fact that he's a writer with a strange writing "talent" makes it all the more interesting.

Only two chapters in so far, but it's on my watchlist. Good work, B.J.

Brad Pringle
Tran Zam

Hello Bj, (re: ch. seven, hope this is helpful) this is an exciting story with an incredibly dense subtext. The characters are well realised and i especially enjoyed the casual banter between writer and ed. Dialogue is your strong point, and the directness of it could work well throughout your structure (adds pace) eg, some early paragraghs could be broken into individual ideas eg. the death of Tommy seems important enough to have it's own paragragh (like your character's speech gets it's own line???)//some micros: when he's searching for a radio station, I wanted to hear the music/soundtrack - classical, mellow rock???//Loved 'saying it out loud it feels right' -that whole, he gets visions, and thanks to you we do'//Lol at 'lotto' but then the explanatory nature of the next paragragh was like shiftin down to second (from five) - not sure it's needed when there's so many 'psychological' new elsewhere//Loved the layere of senses - feeling, smelling - loved them...especially 'feel the warmth in hand'// loved the brievity of 'curtains - lol; and then at ed's clarification...// there's a whole lot of repeats at the end - not sure if they're intentional but i didn't enjoy the feeling - made me think I'd lost my spot of the page, ''band name... musician... lawyer...'//Mostly i 'felt' i was within the story and easily see it as a very popular drama series (especially with those characters -the 'team') (there's a program called dramatica, i think by Movie Magic that helps with screenplay structuring - I'm sure this story is strong and exciting enough... - and your dialogue :) ps. have you considered starting that chapter with ed's dialogue?? Best wishes for publishing success, or at the least, telly series success, Monique Grbec (The Male Influence)

Hi B.J,

This is a very interesting and unusaul concept and well written. It's not hard to see why you have reached the desk with this story. I've only had time to look at your first two chapters, but I have a feeling I'll soon be able to read the real version because I know someone is going to publish it.

It's difficult enough to write in present tense or in first person without combining the two, but from what I've read so far, you manage it quite well. Wether you will be able to maintain this for the length od a full book remains to be seen but from what you have demonstrated so far, it probanly won't be a problem for you.

One thing that does need a bit more explanation in the first chapter is that you have a sentence reading 'she places a protective hand on his shoulder, as though he were the one being prosecuted'. which refers to her client. Surely, if she is defending him, he IS the one being prosecuted.

Ron

Fantastic first chapter. Can't wait to read the rest!

Elias
Blood&Gasoline

Great writing. I love it! You deserve to be at the top. Spotted minor punctuation errors in the first chapter. One instance: "It goes to motivation, Your Honor," she says, "My client is.." Change to: "It goes to motivation, Your Honor," she says. "My client...."

All the best,

Joffrey

Great opening chapter. Love it! I'd advise you go over your punctuation, but this is a minor problem. One instance: "It goes to motivation, Your Honor," she says, "My client is...." Change that to: "....Your Honor," she says. "My client...

All th best.

Joffrey

My maiden name is Hale, so I love your MC's first name. I've actually never read or heard of it being used as a first name, as a matter of fact.

This opening court room scene is so brilliantly written that it both captivates and attracts your audience. I love how realistic the dialogue/interaction is between the lawyer and the witness on the stand--that's true talent, I honestly don't know how else to label it. I can't wait to dig in and read more.

This is one of the more original stories to be found on Authonomy. I'm not surprised you've already gained a spot on the Ed's Desk. I wish you the best of luck with this. Backed.

Ashley Graham
The Socialite

Many books I've read on this site simply fail to engage because of poor beginnings. This is definitely NOT one of those books. It really is a pleasure to read something so well written. The excellent dialogue and internal monologue work seamlessly. Excellent and of course backed. Nick.

Fascinating. I was drawn straight into the drama of the courtroom and found myself feeling sorry for Hale and his desperate situation. I would enjoy watching this as a TV drama.

Its a believable story that makes you want to support Hale and his discovery.

I'm backing this one.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Hey there

I read the first two chapters and chapter six, i could happily go on reading more but don't have a much time as I like today but will come back to it when I can.

I really love the way you write and you write first person narrative amazingly well. I usually stick o third person myself because it's easier or me. To keep up the quality in first person is an envouse talent. Your first chapter starts with the court case and it grips you straight away. Moving on to chapter six you still keep the tensio up and it feels like a nice and steady build up. I hink Hale s a great chraracter, he feels very real. But I love his editor Nadiya. She's nice, intelligent, lighthearted and incredibly, unashamedly nosy. I think the two of em have great chemistry togeather. Not in the same way at all but as strong a chemistry as the mulder and skully dynamic.

i'm lovin it.

Dark Souls
Deloris Collins

Hi BJ.
I like this - great premise and story. My only suggestion might really annoy you so just ignore it if it does - but I, (like you) appreciate this aspect of this site - I see it as a cyber writer's group. I was more gripped by Chapter 2 than by the court house scene. I would keep that one for later when the reader is already swept up into the action. Court rooms just aren't really action - not for me anyway. But you are doing great on here and I look forward to seeing your continued success. Thank you for your kind comments on my book.
Tricia

I'm sure many have told you Roth has a novel by this title. Still I like the concept of automatic writing, has screenplay potential. I wrote a piece with it a few years ago--to make fun a pretentious person; it wasn't the real thing. Good luck. I like your high concept. It deserves some attention.

Excellent premis and you handle the pov and present tense very well, better than many books I've seen and definitely more interesting than that King/Straub collaboration on Bleak House. Backed.