Hi Ian
I have some editing to do on Erasmus. Several have mentioned the lack of dialogue at the beginning, whilst others have stated I have done enough. Always difficult to please all of course and I appreciate constructive criticism.

So to your old boy at the museum this is only a personal opinion and he becomes quite engaging by the second chapter. What some would call a lovable old duffer !!
See what other feedback you get before making any changes.
Teresa

I would have liked to be more original, yet I have to agree that (for me) it lacks dialogue early on. To me not only can dialogue give you some tell in a story it also gives insight and build into character development. Something I was advised at University was to cut down (or do away completely) preamble and get straight into the plot, more punchy, build past into the present point (cause and effect) again it helps the character to develop. One thing you have is the ability to create mood and have developed a good plot. I have to say there is something in this story and am willing to support this, no problems. Should you want to bounce ideas please contact me – good luck

Thanks for your comments on Museum of old beliefs the old guy is meant to be a bit of a prickly non-PC letch, a character that is hard to make appealing to a female perspective, if there is a way I could soften this I would gladly take advice

I(an). Peter Lavan

I would have liked to be more original, yet I have to agree that (for me) it lacks dialogue early on. To me not only can dialogue give you some tell in a story it also gives insight and build into character development. Something I was advised at University was to cut down (or do away completely) preamble and get straight into the plot, more punchy, build past into the present point (cause and effect) again it helps the character to develop. One thing you have is the ability to create mood and have developed a good plot. I have to say there is something in this story and am willing to support this, no problems. Should you want to bounce ideas please contact me – good luck

Thanks for your comments on Museum of old beliefs the old guy is meant to be a bit of a prickly non-PC letch, a character that is hard to make appealing to a female perspective, if there is a way I could soften this I would gladly take advice

I(an). Peter Lavan

Teresa - a very engaging story for younger readers, carefully written and highly creative. I am happy to shelve it.

If I had one suggestion it would be to get some conflict and emotional content into the story earlier. Various fiction gurus have varying ideas, but most agree that you have a page or two to snag a reader's attention with the seed of conflict, a notion that something important is at stake (even in fantasy). I didn't sense anything going on until the beach scene in "Chapter 3" as it appears in the upload. Everything before that is backstory that can be woven into the tale. Indeed must be.

Will S.
(Eirelan)

Hi Teresa,
What an imagination! My comments reflect those of others, about adding a bit more dialogue at the beginning but other than that, well done. backed. Lisa

How original -- I love it!
You have a wonderful, poetic writing style. Nicely done,
Backed!
Voni
The Bell Ridge Cave

A fascinating well-developed story with a good moody atmosphere. You handle dialogue well and I wish you'd use a little more to develop characters early on. Good luck with it.
Richard, Zombie Jamboree

Hello Teresa,
Well crafted setting and characters. I was a little bothered by the emphases on time, exact time, in a world where I would not expect anyone to be wearing a watch. Overall a good read, glad to have backed.
Daniel "Storykeeper"

Hi Teresa

Although Fantasy is not my thing, I read a number of chapters of your book and found your imagination astounding. I wonder where people like you get this stuff! I certainly don’t have it. If I can offer any suggestion, it’s that perhaps there should be more dialogue between your characters right in the beginning. It starts in essay format, which sometimes keeps a reader distanced.
Other than this, hope you do well!
Backed
Paul
We've Seen the Enemy

I read several chapters and really can offer no critical suggestions. You've honed your craft, imagined an engrossing tale that captivated me for more chapters than I really had time to read.
Good Luck, I have every confidence I'll some day be buying your published book.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Beautifully crafted, Teresa. You create the atmosphere of the story very effectively. and your easy - but richly descriptive - writing style is a pleasure to read. And just a light-hearted comment - what a relief to find a book with short chapters!

I'll follow Erasmus's progress with interest. (Backed)

Mark

This book starts on my birthday. Worth backing for that if nothing else!

This is an interesting concept. I wonder if you might reduce some of the exposition at the beginning and let that come out over the course of the story. That might get people into the swing of things a little better.

I think this is a creative piece. The short chapters are easy to get through and make you want to read more. Nicely done and backed!

I don't think I can add anything to the grammar mentions that others have put, otherwise from what I've read this looks really good. The characters are interesting, and I was left wanting to find out more about Merlin and Hesper in particular. Definitely going to back!

I was hooked when you wrote that Drendell was hanged for being a witch. And I'll be interested to read on to find out what exactly Erasmus does with his powers, why exactly he has them and whether he does end up with a girlfriend! :-) I've backed your book.

Krystiana
Surviving the Earthquake

Crikey Callaghan and there's me thinking you didn't like it. LOL. Many thanks.
Teresa

Poor E. He must have had a bad past life experience with a woman!

A charming story, well and clearly told. I love your strong, direct writing voice. Backed with enthusiasm!

Love, Callaghan (The Shouting Tree).

Poor E. He must have had a bad past life experience with a woman!

A charming story, well and clearly told. I love your strong, direct writing voice. Backed with enthusiasm!

Love, Callaghan (The Shouting Tree).

6th actual paragraph in chapter 2 you say "were known" where you should use "was known" and in the same sentence you use notoriously (another "ly") and it is a redundant word since you are saying "...known to be notoriously dangerous..." Drop either the "known" or "notoriously".

Clear voice and an easy engaging read.

Chapter 1, 4th paragraph you use mercilessly. No such word. it's "mercilously" -- but you should NOT use adverbs. Just say "No" to word ending in "ly" and use a stronger verb instead. IE; "...The fifty foot waves battered the rocks that lined the small cove..." Beautiful, clear and vivid narrative. Enjoying it very much!

Callaghan (The Shouting Tree)

I struggle reading fantasy and adventure but your opening description of Agastine did just what it was supposed to. I could imagine her immediately under that weak sun gently touching her baby laden tummy.
I just dipped in to a couple of chapters but I back on the strength of whether people on here can write of not and you certainly can. Good Luck

You have a great story here. Keep up the good work. Backed for potential, Sana

This is an odd thing to comment on, but I am in love with the wonderfully imaginative names you give your characters, Teresa. Even Merlin is just right. The names suit their owners and the story and make your world seem more real to me.

Backed with pleasure.

Hank

Hi, Many thanks for reading & backing The Lucky Bean Tree. I have returned your read and enjoyed the story. If I may suggest something? Put it through the Spellcheck as I noticed a few missing apostophes and commas. Also how about some dialogue to break up the telling? Good luck & backed. Kop.

teresa -

your writing is accomplished and polished. great prose. one thing i caught was "lightening" should be
"lightning" but otherwise really great beginning. can't wait to see what mischief erasmus is going to get into....

on my shelf.

kelly
(chasing kate)

Back for another read of your great story.

Backed(not sure if I backed the first time so...)

Kev

My eye was caught by your book because of the name Erasmus. There's a character in my book called Erasmus Crave who also has unusual powers. I'm so glad I did take the time to read a few chapters. I like the story very much and the style flows eloquently and with charm.
My tiny bit of advice would be that your short pitch doesn't do the book justice. It needs something more hook like ;)
On my shelf.

Alethea (The Hather House)

I like the way you write, and I like the story. Shelved.

Abelia, you descriptions are beautifully described and with a lyrical quality to the writing. While this isn't my genre, I can appreciate the quality of writing and I wish you the best. Tania, this Last Summer

What can I say to your lovely words Mark......... I'm gobsmacked. Thank you
Teresa

Your opening description of the woman with the extended belly and hope-filled heart is breathtaking. I loved it. I paused and considered how pregnant women rub their bellies to quiet their child or sooth a perceived discomfort and I smiled in recognition of the truth.

This isn’t my genre that I embrace. I can’t be objective. And honestly, I loved your opening character so much I didn’t want to see what happened to her. I just wanted to enjoy her.

But that’s not criticism. I’m rather persnickety in my preferences. This is commercial. I can’t believe with your talent with words this won’t go well. It will. Here’s to your hope kid!

Abelia, I think you have a talent and the title is great, just not sure where this is going. Maybe that's because it's not the kind of thing I normally read (haven't had a young adult in the house for some time now). Good luck to you.

Your opening description of the woman with the extended belly and hope-filled heart is breathtaking. I loved it. I paused and considered how pregnant women rub their bellies to quiet their child or sooth a perceived discomfort and I smiled in recognition of the truth.

This isn’t my genre that I embrace. I can’t be objective. And honestly, I loved your opening character so much I didn’t want to see what happened to her. I just wanted to enjoy her.

But that’s not criticism. I’m rather persnickety in my preferences. This is commercial. I can’t believe with your talent with words this won’t go well. It will. Here’s to your hope kid!

An interesting premise, your dream love will travel through time to possess you, and in the mean time will be able to learn about you. Who can resist that? The text is mesmerizing, he was a man before I knew it. The only thing that "clanged" for me was the name "Shasta". I am from Oregon, where one of our great mountains is called Shasta, or White Mountain. There is also a large white daisy called Shasta. So I was distracted thinking of those, although she seemed likable enough to be the object of Erasmus' desire.

There is a theory (from Joseph Campbell, I believe) that there are only 24 stories in the world, nearly all captured in fairy tales - the Cindarella complex, the Sleeping Beauty complex, the Jack & the Beanstalk complex - that sort of thing. When it comes to fantasy novels, we often seem to be plonked firmly in the Hansel and Gretel complex - twins inter-connected across space and time in dual-jeopardy. So it is here. What is perhaps a little different in the early chapters is the stillness of the voice, the raising of one of the most terrible and senseless of human rights abuses of all time - the burning of witches - and the arrival of some fairly modest supernatural powers. The name Erasmus also points towards a classical past rather than towards a New Age future. Then Shashta and Liana arrive - definitely New Age. From what I have read so far, this is more or less standard fare for Authonomy fantasy, but better and more constrainedly written than most. Backed.

very clever and well written.

In all honesty, this isn't my kind of read. Found the first chapter a little bit difficult to follow, and a little too cliched too. But the opening of chapter two and chapter three were very well done and much more enjoyable. You have a nice idea for a hook, but it doesn't quite pan out in Chapter one. I would transfer the good idea into a more readable paragraph in chapter two, rather than ending with it in chapter one. You have good storytelling skills and I backed this book on that basis- your imagination does just shine through. All the best with this one. L.x

While I was interested by the plot's concept, I had a difficult time getting past the run on sentences and awkward phrasings. On a different note, I agree with Jackie. Start with chapter two. Fantastic opening line. Watching with interest.

JLux
Finding Letta

Not your target audience being neither young nor a fantasy reader but I did enjoy this. I feel you write well, fluently and colourfully but maintain a good pace, even when telling back story as you do when you race through Erasmus' early history.
Please see what others say on this/ take it with a pinch of salt but I had this strong urge for you to start with chapter two! It's a very powerful sentence, 'Fate had decreed that he woudl be born on a predicted date...' and with this you're drawn straight into the main character. Also, it's a while ago, but I don't think I'd have been interested in much to do with pregnancy or the sex of the child. It would have been enough to know what happened to the child when it was born which points to a chapter two start. But you must ask your readership this before you listen to me.
Lovely writing and a good premise. On my shelf! All the best with it.
Jackie
Glass Houses

Atmospheric story, promises to develop well. Take a good look at the pounctuation in yoru final edit. I'm sure someone can help so I won't point stuff out. The character of Erasmus is engaging and defintiely has attitude. Like that though! Backed, good luck with it.

Teresa-

You have a great concept going here, wonderful character and a rich well-developed world. Like me, you need to run through and check your punctuation, it reads a bit breathlessly in places. A few thoughts, take them with a huge grain of salt. Your opening sentence doesn't reach out and grab the reader, perhaps you could start with Erasmus's mother pacing and have her think about the day and the weather. My other though on the first chapter is to switch the order of the last sentence so you end with Erasmus was born to the world. This is an enjoyable read overall, and I'm sure the story would do well in the YA fantasy market. Shelved.

Sessha

Very interesting concept. Erasmus is an interesting character that you develop well.
Happy to back,
Tracy
The Guardians

Teresa, what a twisting, turning mind you have:) Best Wishes for Publishing success, Monique Grbec (The Male Influence)

This is very imaginative and well written. I found it charming. When Erasmus proclaimed his omnipotence,
it made him seem somewhat arrogant, but perhaps that is the effect you were striving for. I read the first four chapters, so am sure more character development follows. Best of luck. Shelved. Jedward (Knut)

Fitting style for the content. You keep the atmosphere very consistent. I think there are some missing commas and even an apostrophe here or there. I hope it's just the syntactic differences across the pond that are causing my confusion.

Charming is the word. Pulled me right in. I can see some tightening/ editing to drive it home, but you have the makings of a brilliant edition to juvenile fiction.

Hi Teresa Not my kind of read, being an old caustic whatever myself. Nevertheless well written and should find a ready audience on this site. Best of luck with it. Shelved to give it a shove. Eric (degree of Exposure)

I'm always interested in stories that pass into the astral and causal worlds of soul travel and enlightenment that conjure up excitement and adventure. Your writing flows well and keeps the pace.

backed
sue sohn

It has charmed me. This has all the hallmarks of the fantasy genre, a convincing "other" world, simple telling with the strength of conviction, and something at its heart to engage the reader. For me this is the love story, tinged darkly at the edges with the omniscient power Erasmus seems to hold, with his eye of same.

The willing acceptance of a fantasy world (or the many you've put on offer with the time-travelling!) in a pure fantasy novel like this depends mainly on charm though. This has it in heaps!

The way this story is written, it flows like a fairy tale...it operates on mutliple levels of reality and unreality. It is a delightful fantasy, that transports you in this world as if you had inhabited it already all your life. Well done, and backed.

For me, one of the first, sure signs of a good tale - and a good writer - tends to be the names they make up for their characters. Agastine. Erasmus. Drendell. Excellent choices, all. They match the style of the narrative which is assured, quiet, and elegiac. The story itself is hugely imaginative, and magical, spanning both fantasy and a bit of sci-fi, and the mix of the two works well. Backed.

You have a very charming writing style and tell an intriguing story. I found the poor punctuation a bit distracting. Backed. Tracey Hawthorne, Life on a Permanent Wave: Hair-raising Stories from a Shipboard Stylist.

I am constantly amazed at the quality of YA work available on this site and Eye of Erasmus is another marvelous addition!

Backed.

Diane
Finish Line
Sculpting David

Teresa
My mother has the evil eye, Lord, doesn't she just! Liked this, the whole story, the way you choose your words, and the ideas you have. Love this little Erasmus fella, how he has such an open mind and is so in touch with the mystic side of life. Great piece of work. Like the theme, the title, the blog. Well done. Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars