There are pov switches, but I see others have mentioned that already.

I did find this flowed well, and found myself easily drawn in.

Happy to back.

Lorrii

You have some engaging writing here but it is also complex in parts.
This would never be described as an easy read. But a beautifully crafted one for sure.
And I say crafted, because it is clear this took time and thought to mould into the perfection that it is.
Not sure what the little squares everywhere are, I am guessing an issue with formatting.
I enjoyed this thoroughly.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I'm with Simon as this is worthy enough of a SHELVING.

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Interesting stuff Lorcan! I like it!

You have a unique voice here. I couldn't quite get into it, but then I prefer a simpler tone for my simple brain ;-)
I can't really offer you a critique as such because of that, but suffice to say I couldn't spot anything untoward in your grammar or spelling. The premise is one that is sure to draw a readership, the fate of Irish settlers was usually a harsh and poverty-filled one, but also one of success and providence. You tell it well in your own interesting way, and I would be ignorant to stand in it's way.

Andrew

Lorcan have finally managed to read some ofm your work. I like the story and the characters very much. The prose style and the dialogue work well and and I was drawn into it straight away. The prologue I found a little difficult in the sense that it seemed a bit overwritten and a bit flowery but that's probably just me. I am not into nit picking so the overview is you have an intriguing story, well written and I'm happy to give it some shelf space for a bit.
Good luck with it
William

As others have mentioned, there's some POV issues---but putting that aside, this is a very well-written, sad, moving piece of work. Your characters are flesh and blood; real and true. Shelved.

There is always a book one discovers when they aren't looking for anything specific, and the fabulous work of The Bridge falls right under it! The dialogue flows very well, the story is strong, and aside from a few flaws in POV from time to time, it is a delightful read. I am giving this a chance on my shelf as well as Today's Pick I Like for 8/27: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2009/08/todays-pick-i-like-82709.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Hi Lorcan, some thoughts on chapter one - a thorough examination of a recognisable sitiuation. I liked the way Assia looks to be almost, almost on the verge of some kind of breakdown. The snapping anger at the end, confusion and frustrated hopes that her former partner will support her. Your strength was in the dialogue, the exchanges between the characters.

All the best

P

Lorcan,
You have a good start here on a great story. Assia has her hands full, the old pregnancy test and all the drama surrounding it. Don't worry about all the editorial issues, tense, point of view, punctuation. . .until you have the story completely written. The hard part is writing the story, it can always be cleaned up when that is done. POV is the only exception (hard to fix after the fact), make sure to tell each scene through only one set of character eyes.This is a fun read.
Good luck with this book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Hi Lorcan,

This is a poignant story. Great vivid descriptions.

“And leave Dublin? You love that flat(.)” He shakes…
“I suppose so(.)” He nods. Unless it’s a dialogue tag he/she said that follows the dialogue, end with a period instead of a comma.

Assia’a a lovely character. I sympathised with her. You have a good story here. It’s very well written but a little polishing will make it even better.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I was drawn into this story as anyone who has been in a relationship and is blind to what's going on behind his or her back can sympathize with. Assia anger in her conversation with Nicholas rings true. And whe she reveals to Jack, her frustration / rejection is intense. At the beginning I worried about her - wanting to give up her music -selling her cello and moving on. I guess that's the reason - she's desperate and Jack seems a little tight fisted - going on vacation but unwilling to support her. In a way, Assia is what many of us are - confident on the outside, but full of insecurities on the inside.

I loved the story so much, that I'm backing it. But please, fix the following run-on sentences. It's an easy fix - just put a period where the comma was or add a conjunction (or a sub conjunction).

...in Jack, it's simply...(period instead of a comma)
...at the moment, I mean...
...and sighs, she wants...
...believe this, he's got...
...he told you, I honestly...
...not like that, I...
...and you, I was hoping...
...eternaity, her shoulders...

A sad story but I nevertheless enjoyed reading it. Liked your descriptions. Liked Assia, mainly because she was such a sad character. Good story, well written.

Lorcan - keep meaning to thank you for your lovely comments. Am a fan of your work too - keep meaning to read more. Will comment when I have. Thanks again. Amy xx

Hi Lorcan - I think you write dialogue really well and I immediately warmed to Assia. I am intrigued by your synopsis and it's definitely something I would get out of the library (that doesn't mean it's second fiddle to something I'd buy, I just rarely buy books!). It actually reminds me a bit of The Golden Notebook which is one of my favourites.

I wonder about the first para - am a bit confused about the tenses (sat and then says?) and think it might be stronger and seem more confident if you cut or pruned the first paragraph. I know all that stuff feels minor and is irritating and I would like to comment on the bigger picture so I'll read on within the next few days - I do want to know how it pans out which is a good sign!

I'm putting you on my watchlist.

Hi Lorcan

I have read the prologue and dipped into chapter 1. It seems well written and intriguing. I thought it was perhaps a little over-written and maybe needs editing down a little - I found myself skipping parts. Would also agree with Heather - your occasional slipping from past to present is a little jarring, but easily fixed. Generally good stuff, though! Well done

Steve

Thank you so much, you're right, the tenses do get mixed up, I've cleaned it up in the new draft, this one's a little old. I'm glad you liked the prologue, I didn't want to make it too outlandish... the views are intended to switch around, you're absolutely right about that and actually it's something I'd forgotten to mention, and I should have because it's a good point, and it happens throughout the novel, more so in the first act but it is consistent.

I'm so pleased you liked it, no-one else has actually read this yet, this is the first draft I've let anyone access, so I'm pleased you enjoyed it, thank you for the criticisms and compliments, I'm indebted!

L ;)