Thanks myst! I am certainly glad you think so. I'd love your thoughts on the whole thing if you get a chance.

Stef

Wow cool

Thank you so much Fandelion and BIlly for your comments. I will definately take all suggestions into consideration. And I am working on the punctuation as we speak, so have no fear, that will be solved soon! Thanks again!

Stef

This could do with a check for punctuation. Other than some small errors in that it is a very well written tale that holds the readers attention. I like how you make Micah a bit of a daydreamer and not the top of his class, a unlikely hero.

Awesome surname! How could I resist taking a look!

Some comments I noted as I read chapter 1:

First paragraph – lots of passive voice. Consider changing to active. There's more throughout if you look for it.

When Micah is asked to identify vampire characteristics, I didn't expect sarcasm, mainly because he was nervous. Might want to adjust his reaction.

Early on it's hard to identify the POV character. Might want to get into Micah's POV a lot earlier (first para).

Not sure if you need the exposition within Micah's thoughts about the danger and nature (etc) of his profession. If it really needs to be there at this point, find a better way to get the information across.

Watch the cliché's such as 'gone off without a hitch'. If an expression sounds familiar, get rid of it.

Overall, decent intro – sets the situation up well in a short time and lets us know what we're in for. You keep the story moving along well enough, though there's room to tighten it up. I'd consider revising the sections where you delve into Micah's thoughts. It brings the story to a halt while you impart background info to the reader, and could be done better. Regardless of all that, I liked it, and I'll read more as I get the time.

Cheers and good luck,
Chris (Andrews)

Thanks so much for your comments. I am currently working on editing it for those minor grammatical and spelling issues, but its going slowly thus far. I appreciate all opinions and will definately take a look at everything else you suggested. Let me know how you enjoy the rest of it! Take care!

Stef

Hello again Stefani,

I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read of this, although it swung abruptly from semi humour to quite black and bloody drama.
Please note all of my comments are preceded by ‘In my opinion … ‘ as I am no expert but I do believe feedback is one of the things we are all here for.
I think it needs a thorough editing, for minor grammatical points like commas and so on: As in “Let’s see, you are Micah Levensque correct?” This should have a comma before the name. Like I said, minor points.
I agree with the person who pointed out Micah’s father probably wouldn’t call him ‘honey’ – this usually refers to a girl.
I’d use OK or okay, but not ok .. might have been a typo. And I think you might just have overused ‘squeak’ in the first part of the fourth chapter?
This does fascinate me, so I’m keeping it on my watchlist and will read it all.
Good luck.

Hi Stefani,

This looks to be fun. Good luck with it. It's on my watchlist.
Regards,

Thank you so much Jack. I will definately think about some alternatives for those passages and see what I can come up with. I appreciate the shelving and the comment on the cover, thanks again!

Stef

P.S. - Stunning book cover by the way. The best I've seen on here so far.

Hi Stefani. I like this. Not least because it has a warm feeling about it and is quite light, rather than the often dark, uncomfortable feeling of some in this genre. More fantasy than horror I would say. I read up to chapter 4 and it flowed well. Only a couple of things stuck out - "Inside a very average looking nuclear family sat down for dinner" made me think of nuclear power. Also, in chapter two, a father calling his son 'honey' didn't seem to sound right, particularly as Micah wasn't really that young. I thought you paced the introduction of your characters really well. Nicely spaced out and with sufficient detail that they slotted into the story seamlessly.
Definitely worthy of some support, so I will put you on my revolving bookshelf for a few days to bump up the rankings.
Good luck..............................Jack.

Thanks 4d, I appreciate the comments and I'm very glad you liked it. I have started going through it with a fine toothed comb and have edited chapters 1-6. I hope to get the rest done this week. Anyway, thanks again!

Stef

Hi Stefani. Apologies it's taken me this long to get around to reading, but the good news is I enjoyed it now that I'm here. It does have the occasional typo or spelling/grammar problem (e.g. 'nigh onto lost' in Ch1 and 'squeeling' at the head of Ch2) but that's easily sorted by a proof read and edit. The pitch struck me as good, although I think this warrants a 'Fantasy' addition to the listed genres. But a fun start with the classroom and the light tone and size of the chapters combine to make for a brisk enjoyable read. And in the space of the first three chapters you've managed to paint a picture of something different than a standard vampire-slaying affair and, given the prevalence of such things these days, that's no mean feat. Just a little grooming and polishing and I think you have something here.

Thanks so much for your comments Richard. It has boosted my confidence greatly. Especially about the dream/memory bit, that is probably the part I worked the hardest on.

I will definately go through it line by line for typos a lot more carefully this weekend, thanks for the heads up.

Stef

Dear Stefani,

This is really good. I got engrossed in it. And I got goosebumps when Micah had the dream/memory about his family. The relationships are nicely drawn, and the narrative moces along at a good pace.

It does need a manual edit for typos and punctuation, but other than that it's very engaging.

I'm putting it on my rotating bookshelf.

R

Thank you Stefani! So glad you enjoyed Evil. Dexter appreciates your vote too! :-) I'll be giving your book a read as soon as I can. Take care.

Watchlisteted :D

Patty, 4dperfect...thanks so much! I hope you enjoy it and I look forward to your comments.

Hi Stefani - thank you. The more readers the merrier as we come towards Friday! :-) Meanwhile I'm adding your book to my watchlist and hope to get to it by tomorrow. Cheers!

watchlisted

Thanks so much R. I look forward to hearing your comments on it.

Take Care
Stef

Adding to my watchlist.

R