-Sister, Daughter, Mother, Wife-

Hi Lilian,
I'm not sure where to begin, except that I've done nothing all day except to read your book. Yep, all 18 chapters!
Professionally written, your book is ready for market. Your characters are distinctive, genuine, and drawn realistically. The tempo is smooth and quick; the chapters flew by. I couldn't help thinking how much life is like this: twists and turns and always the unexpected popping up to challenge our strength and resolve.

Beautiful story and on my shelf with much pleasure.
Jambi

Hi Lilian.

I always admire writers who can take me deep into someone else's mind. I also admire those who can reveal that character's circumstances so thoroughly that they make me feel sympathy, or frustration, or anger, for that character.
And that's what happened here. Josie is clearly a very capable and loving woman - her instant rush to Lee's side and her quiet tidying of Susie's discarded belongings attest to that.
And yet she has a husband who treats her like a servant, and who has even taken his fists to her, all the while laying the blame for his actions on her.
So even by the end of ch 1, I am rooting for Josie and hoping she can turn her life around.
That's good charatcerisation, and great writing.

I did see a couple of nits:
Your first line, 'Josie ran through the rain shivering' should either have a comma after 'rain' or be turned around, 'Josie ran shivering through the rain.' Personally. I think the second option sounds better.
"Yes" this needs a full-stop.
"Sibling radar." She replied.. you need a comma after 'radar' instead of a full stop and a lower case 's' for 'she'.
The rain seemed...he seemed to relish...bit of repetition here. Then you repeat 'he seemed' once he's int he car.
Josie returned the hug. This line should either be on a separate line or the same one as "You'll understand..."

These minor nits aside, I thought this was an accomplished and engrossing piece of writing. Deservedly shelved.
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

You have made me have sympathy for Josie, not only because of her drunk brother and cheating husband but also because she seems to have forgotten who she truly is.
I love it when a writer can make you love a character and already I am quite fond of Josie and am hoping for her best.
this is written beautifully and I was pulled in.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor
On my shelf

Lillian, this is so beautifully and flawlessly written that reading it was as easy as watching a movie. It is very professional and polished. It pulled me right in even though it is not the type of book that I would normally buy. I think it is an excellent book that can pull someone across genre boundaries the way this one does. I am sorry I cannot find something to criticize in order to be more helpful. Maybe I was pulled in too deep to see any flaws. I have shelved it, of course.
Best wishes,
Jim M.

It is a read for me. I could read the whole book with pleasure, backed.

Shah

There are so many layers to this story, I'm not sure where to start. I think you've really hit on something... this will appeal to a broad range of audiences. Being a mother, daughter, wife, and sister, and I certainly identify with the joys and pains of each of those roles. You have done a wonderful job creating an heartbreakingly human protaginist and taking her through the ups and downs of life's adventures. I am glad to see this rise on the charts and I hope to see it on the editors desk soon. I am happy to back this wonderful peice.

Tawn Anderson (Providence)

Lillian.

Very well done. I missed the poetic lead ins after Chapter 5. Those are a gread idea. I think you should add them to the start of all chapters.

Backed.

Keep Smiling
Joseph D Palermo

You asked for me to take a look see.

There are a few tiny things that jar. The odd sentence with an extra clause but all in all fluid and smooth. Those could be categorized as style.
The sentence about ….parking the car in the street…. is awkward.
Sentence ….he looked disheveled….. you have a comma before because.

I wish you could give me just a little more on the root source of her insecurity. Just being a wife, sister, mother is not enough… maybe you get into it later but a shadow would be nice but don’t do it if not necessary. I am having a little trouble feeling sorry for her (she is doing it to herself) but I am certain that women will not have this problem.

The husband’s “Office” is a little vague, maybe …the insurance office with that new employee that gets under his skin making him irritable these days…, just to make him real – like the lazy sob daughter is real. I don’t know what else…wish I could add more but maybe that is good news.

Best of luck.

Hey Lilian,

I'm enjoying the story so far. Josie is an interesting character--you have done a great job creating her. She seems to be in a very relatable position to a lot of people--as you say in your pitch: sister, daughter, mother, wife (and worker?). I will come back and read some more. Good work.

Connor (Stories of Modern America)

This is excellent. I must add it felt like you were talking about my marriage. Your writing style is wonderful and I enjoyed the strong and colorful descriptions. You provide great imagery and paint a vivid picture for the reader. I am pleased to back this. Very nice work.

Sasha/Smurphgirl
A Crack in the Mirror

It would be wrong not to back this. It is written with such care and keeps one glued.

Your writing is incredible and emotive. This reminded me of Zoe Heller's 'The Believers', if anything I prefer 'Sister,Daughter,Mother,Wife'. I could empathise with Josie and would truely love to read more.

This really deserves to do well.

Ibby (Near Miss)

Funny, when I saw chick lit as one of the story's genre's I hesitated. As it turns out, my hesitation was misplaced. While I suppose the story is firmly in the "chick lit" genre, it's well written, interesting and anybody, man or woman, can relate to the complications that come with being part of a family. It's interesting, well-written and realistic. Even as a guy, I can understand the emotions Josie is feeling about her husband. I'm backing this book.

Mike
Adverse Reactions

Lilian,
To be honest, this is not the sort of book I would usually read, because I always end up feeling I should take my y-chromosome outside and give it a good hiding. However, this has been well written, and Josie is such a likeable and sympathetic character that one can't help but side with her. Well done.

Jack
BAD ALTITUDE

I feel a great empathy for Josie. I think she'd love to walk away from her lot, if she had a place to go. This is excellently written, Lillian, and ready for the ED. Smooth, pacy and wonderfully described. I back this with pleasure.

Andrew

Not my genre but so well written I sinply have to back.

Robin Piper
Phuzamanzi

Lilian,
You have excellent writing skills, where have you been hiding this book? I think it's good that you allowed Josie to show her emotions in Chapter Three. Sister, Daughter, Mother, Wife was a wonderful book to read. I am glad you gave me the opportunity.

Best Wishes
Peony
A Date With Fortune

This is wonderfully polished and flows so easily that I got to chapter 11 without even noticing! There's a hint of the usual 'lonely housewife' in here but it's spiced with excellent little deviations that I hardly noticed.

Well done. Shelved.
Sam

A poignant read. As Josie wears each hat, we feel for her and with her during the daily twists of life. Well written and polished.

HJ
The Pearl Edda

This drags the reader (this reader) in and keeps her reading. Personally I would have packed a bag and gone far far away from the lot of them - I do hope something like that happens in the end. Best of luck. Backed.

You manage to perfection the delicate balance between the ordinary and the need to retain interest. Few people can read an entire book where nothing happens but real life rarely has something interesting happening on every 'page'. I didn't want to stop reading and yet you maintained for me that sense of an ordinary life being described as it really could be. I could see slices of people I know being laid out so cleverly. I doubt there is any woman (and very few men) who cannot identify with at least one of the threads you describe. Very well done and you deserve great success with this work. As soon as my computer stops playing cracker-dog I shall back you. Good luck. Alessia.

As a male reader, I feel like I understand now, after reading this opening chapter, what women really mean when they talk about getting lost in the different roles they play and never getting to "play the lead part"--there's no time left when you're picking up your drunk brother at the station etc, or waiting for an unfaithful husband to come home.

This opening chapter is really effective at setting up an interesting problem for Josie to try to solve, while also defining character very well. I liked how Josie's observation about her brother's hair not changing.

Mike

The Lime-Green Scream

Hi Lilian
Good writing, very detailed characterization – I like the way your characters all seem to have internal opinions about other characters of the situation. Everything looks good grammatically except I found a number of places were you missed the comma before the character name. Some examples.
Ch1 – “Good morning, love.” She tried to sound unperturbed. [comma]
Ch2 – “Good morning, Pam….. [comma]
“That’d be great. Sorry Jo,…. [comma]
Anyway small nit – Backed and Good luck
If you have a moment I’d appreciate a read of my book but understand the time pressures since you’re so close.
Cheers
James

Just so that you know, I am trying out a new way of commenting. Instead of reading through and then commenting at the end I am making notes as I go along just as if I was looking at a book in a shop or a library. I only ever comment as a reader anyway and this seems to be working quite well and apart from anything else it is fun Hope you are happy with that.

First impression is that this is skilled writing, well crafted and real. Already we see that she is carrying a very heavy load – that is familiar isn’t it. Spot on – the only number on her cell phone, because she is the one who can hold it all together.
I am still in chapter one and already I am fuming – pig husband – how dare he.
I am now well into chapter two and feeling very sad, about the two bad marriages, about the fact that Josie is letting herself be used and still finding pleasure in the job and mostly about her poor brother and poor her having a poor brother. Oh Oh boss trouble looming, he’s ringing her out of hours. Back off, back off now it can only mean trouble. The flash backs work well. Now here is the father, yet another man who has let her down really. Hmmmmm

I have finished reading after chapter 3 and I think this is extremely good. I only read this sort of thing occasionally and I am always very happy if it as well put together and skilfully crafted as this. I am more than happy to back this and wish you the very best of luck with it.

As I said this way of commenting is a try out – feedback would be good. Was it irritating, helpful, neither ?

Josie's insomnia got my attention as did Rick's unexplained absence. Josie's flashback to Rick's infidelity hooked me. Josie comes across as nuturing, genuine and likable. Your eloquent descriptions bring clarity to your settings and characters. Your dialogue is captivating. No idle chit chat here. Your pacing held my interest. This is a poignant, intelligent story. Backed.

You are an amazing writer. I couldn't stop once I started and your characters feel so real its almost like you are seeing it happen right in front of you.Your writing gives voice to thousands of women around the globe. It is definitely a keeper and I backed it with pleasure.

This isn't my typical genre, so I believe I'll leave the critiques to those who are more knowledgeable in this area. You've created characters with whom we can connect, and for that I will back your story.

JLux
Finding Letta

Whoa, one-two-three-four. The punches just don't stop. At least Lee's a grateful younger brother and Susie isn't a brat. But Rick...

The story of a woman trapped among these four basic roles seems so...well, basic that I'm surprised I've never read anything like this (or maybe I'm just that unfamiliar with the genre). Throw in the roles of "Friend" and "Career Woman" and...well, then the pot of pasta might overflow.

One grievance: I had to re-read the first few paragraphs to be clear that Josie is running through the rain and INTO her house (that is what happens, right?). There's no specific indication that she actually ENTERS her house. I was lost for a bit. Something trivial.

-Terry

i think you're going to need to makeyour book longer. i've heard from several agents that 50000 words isn'tmarketable. they're looking for more like 70000.
i like that you start in a place of action. i was drawn in by the subject matter in your promotional bit, but i think you want to lose the rhetorical questions and take another stab at it.
good luck.

I couldn't stop until I had read the entire eighteen chapters. I enjoyed every moment. I'm so glad to read that there is more. I want to keep reading. Wonderful story.

All the Best,
Arin

I couldn't stop until I had read the entire eighteen chapters. I enjoyed every moment. I'm so glad to read that there is more. I want to keep reading. Wonderful story.

All the Best,
Arin

Wow, this is tear-jerking stuff! It's impossible not to sympathise totally with Josie - as well as be frustrated that she lets Rick treat her like that! Very well written! Backed!

Hi - I read two chapters tonight and backed you. It's an enthralling piece of work and I'd loved to have read more. It struck me as completely realistic, so far. BACKED, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

This is really nicely written. In the first chapter you go straight to three relationships in Josie's wife and make us care about her life. Not the kind of thing I would usually read, but beautifully done.

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

Poor woan you can see the way her life pans from the start of the book disalusioned by the hapless rick - All things to brother Lee and mother. I love the prose at the start of each chapter. A delightfull book and i will look forward to reading more.
sue mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Lilian,
I'm sorry to have taken so long to read your book. I think it will appeal more to women than to men; even if it is considered not PC to say so. Nevertheless, it is well-written and captured my interest. Shelved.
Best wishes for its ultimate success
William Roberts (The Caves of Caerdraig)

Hi Lilian,
This is such a poignant story that I think moves your reader with the honesty of the writing. It has a quality to it that is almost as if your best friend is relating their experiences to you.
Backed with pleasure,
Tracy
The Guardians

I can't actually imagine myself buying this but I just enjoyed reading it. Good story with a nice pace. It's very polished and I couldn’t find anything to crit apart from the word count that would better if it was nearer 80 000. Backed

George (The Touch of God)

Sorry I am so late, I was very, very behind on my reading . . .
You have an expert writing style, I love the flow.
Great exploration of the hardest job there is, being a woman!
Backed,
Voni
The Bell Ridge Cave

This is very well written. I liked Josie right off, probably because you show her caring for her wayward brother. She's a very sympathetic lead, and we want to know more about what makes this wonderful woman tick. Your story is also amusing in places, which is always a plus. I laughed a couple of times. "Sibling rivalry," "Mr. Smirnoff."

The only sentence that threw me was the second one: "She could hear the phone ringing and cursed as she dropped her keys in a puddle." Is she cursing because the phone rang or because she dropped her keys? If it's the keys that cause the cursing, then you're putting the effect before the cause. Better to say something like, "The phone rang. She dropped her keys in the puddle and cursed." My version could be more artfully written, of course, but the point is to mention the cause before the effect: phone --> keys drop --> cursing. At least, I think that was the intended order.

Otherwise, good stuff. Backed with pleasure.

Best,

David Wisehart
Devil's Lair

Heart wrenching opening. Some pretty heavy subject material, but you write it so well. Good Luck with it.

John Wickey
Future's End

The premise is strong; the pace is steady and characterizations compelling

You are a very good writer my friend and I wish you the best

I hope you are published soon

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Lillian:

I love how you start with a read from Josie's journal. It captured my attention and drew me right into the fast pace of your novel. Your writing flows perfectly and the premise is interesting.

Backed with pleasure,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

I have to be honest...this kind of book usually isn't my thing. But, and yes this is a big 'but', I have to say this is one of the best stories I have read in a long time. I should also tell you that I have been a member for a while and have NEVER backed a book before, and while this is completely out of my genre of choice (I actually stumbled on it completely by accident) I have to say that I am very pleased that I did stumble onto it.

With that out of the way let me just say that I am an "aspiring" writer, still quite the novice, I have only written three full novels and about six short stories...most of which are horribly written..lol. So there is no way I can (with a clear conscience) critique anything about the chapters I read because your writing ability far surpasses mine. But I love this story...and of course as I said before...BACKED :)

well done author. women will love this and it's a winner. very nice

backed

You have an interesting storyline... just in reading through a short bit, I'm experiencing Josie's tired, torn, and frustrated feelings. Because of your writing, I'm there with her! Very well done. Sincerely, Lanetta

.
Fanatastic characters and writing that create an emotional response for example, Josie's husband - quite possibly the nastiest character I have ever come across.

Nicely written -- good build to tension at the beginning. A good, engrossing read.

Backed.

--Sarah

I enjoyed the gradual development of the story and the believable events that puckered the chapters. The only thing that sometimes annoyed me as I was reading was that you described the physical sensations of Josie so much; 'she sighed', 'she took a deep breath', etc etc that it left little to the imagination - and that is the reason most of us read!
That said, I don't think you could add anything to make this more polished. Backed.
Diane

I have only read chapter one so far but I am already hooked and can empathise with this woman completely. As a sister, daughter, wife and mother you begin to wonder where 'you' fit in to the picture! I'll be reading some more tomorrow (instead of writing my own!)
Karen

Hello Lilian. This is excellent writing. Poor Josie and what a bastard Rick is. I only read the first five chapters due to pressures of time, but you've got such an array of interesting characters. I hope Rick gets his comeuppance. Are there any good sides to that guy? Makes me ashamed of my own gender. The relationships are everything, aren't they? Josie seems to be trying to be all things to all people - hence the book's title, I guess, a people-pleaser. I suspect she finds her real self as the story moves along. Brilliantly told, you don't waste a single word and the opening stanzas to each chapter - in line with her profession - cleverly sets the tone. That's a great idea. your words flow so easily, and I know that takes a lot of sweat and hard work to make it look easy, the best writers are like that and you're one of the best I've read here. BACKED. Mercenary bit now - could you take a look at mine? Chris1

Hi Lilian, I'm the only male in a household of five women so this rang home as well as true. Your writing flows nicely and you keep an even pace with the action and never let it lag. On my shelf. Great job. S-

Hi Lilian,
I loved this. Beautifully painted scene, easy (maybe too easy) to relate to. Could quite happily have read. Backed with pleasure. Good luck with this.
Rheagan Greene – Unwelcome Reflections

Hi Lilian.
This was a great read. Your MC, Josie, was extremely likable, and even though I never made it past chapter three, I can picture numbers of things happening to her. I foresee a romance between her and Jas. I foresee Lee getting together with Pam, or possibly getting into too much trouble with his drinking problem (My favourite line in respect to drinking is not in this book. I think you would do well to add it. "Drinking problem? Nope, I think I've got it just about figured out." lol). This all has numerous other pieces that slide into what may or may not happen. And these aspects make it easier to be drawn into the story. Good luck with this!

Donald (Felrix:Bible of the Underworld)