Flowing and to my eye almost faultless prose.
Backed it!
A look at mine would be appreciated. Frank, Sicilian Shadows.

I don't normally read straight fiction, but I was attracted by your pitch. I was immediately drawn into this story of a woman's emotional journey. The opening scene leading to her departure was compelling, but I found her return very moving.
In that empty house you managed to convery all the emptiness she was feeling. The hints of her relationship with her father, the stronger ones of her relationship with her husband, all drew me nearer and nearer to Chrissy.
The writing is beautiful, rich and full of images. This was at its best in the final chapters when Chrissy looks at the paintings and I think finally finds herself.
Backed.

Sandie, your first chapter is smooth. Good writing. No glaring mistakes. You deserve to be higher up the charts.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

The first chapter with its enigmatic conclusion plays out like a fever dream. This is enough to keep the reader wanting more. When Chrissy is drawn back to her childhood home by circumstance, it becomes apparent the past is something she can never escape, regardless of the walls she has built around herself. She is a very intriguing character in the midst of a very intriguing mystery. There is an atmospheric quality to your tale, not unlike a Gothic feel, which is superbly executed by your subtle yet powerful, and hauntingly poetic, prose.

Great work, Sandie. Backed.

It is so refreshing to see a well-written non-genre, non-formula story that carries itself through powerful writing and strong characters.

Strong opening, hooks the reader for more. I found the descriptions in the climactic first chapter scene (just before the rescuers arrive) a bit protracted and detracting from the suspense. Minor flaw that you could easily correct if you agree with me on re-reading.

Backed with conviction!

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

Hi Sandie! Finally, your book has made it to the top of my WL and I have just finished reading the first and second chapters. I will be backing it, wholeheartedly, when I finish these comments. You are still a great writer (you already know that, of course!). Great character development and great suspense. We know something dreadful has happened but we don’t know why. I have made a few comments on each chapter I’ve read but note that I am no expert. People have told me that I’m pretty good at this, tho, so let’s see what you think….
CHAPTER ONE: ‘a hell of a drop the other side’ Have you left out ‘on’ before ‘the’? In the paragraph that begins ‘Her hands are free…’, you are referring to Pat, right? But at the end of the same paragraph, aren’t you referring to Chrissy with ‘she’ and ‘her’ there? It’s a bit confusing when you have three females and you use the word ‘her’ and ‘she’ to mean two different females in the same paragraph. I think, perhaps, you should split the paragraph to avoid the problem….new paragraph for Chrissy’s actions and the references to her. (This is an issue throughout the chapter..a bit confusing and hard to tell, sometimes, who you are referring to.) ‘It’s perishing.’ I don’t quite get what this means. The sentence that begins ‘She wonders if she is still…’ seems a bit awkward in its structure…possibly rewrite for smoothness and clarity? The paragraph that begins ‘They’ve ceased to be…’ is perfect, full of tension, as if we are on the roof with the girls and frozen to the spot right next to them! I would delete ‘It happens.’ for tension as it seems to distract for the tension of the scene. The chapter ending is good. I want to say it seems to short, too hurried….but its not…its perfect. (Having started the 2nd chapter now, I think you should consider making the first chapter a ‘Prologue’ because of the change of tenses. Or change the tense in the first to match the second.)
CHAPTER TWO: ‘It turned it on,’ I would change ‘it’ to ‘the radio’ because you have mentioned other things since the reference of the radio. I’m not sure why you have chosen to capitalize ‘Reminiscence’. ‘Needs must.’ I’m not getting this reference at all. The paragraph about the old dog and death is VERY good prose. I would delete ‘although very unlikely’ in parenthesis, which always seem to me distracting. If you feel you need the idea to stay, why not say it in a separate sentence, after the initial reference to Spencer. But I would re-word it without using ‘unlikely’ which, to me, is just another troublesome adverb. Although you have said that the experience of re-visiting your childhood home is only ‘unsettling’ and not ‘traumatic’, your ‘tears are falling like rain from the sky.’ I don’t think you can have it both ways and so I suggest you delete the crying reference. Or just have a single tear fall from her eye. Again, I don’t know why you are capitalizing ‘Regret’. I think the sentence carries just as much feeling and tension without the capitalization, which is a bit distracting. ‘But Christ, it was a dump.’ So did you open the door? Hmmmm…not sure here.
Well, that is all I have time for today. I do need to caution you regarding your many uses of ‘-ly’ words such as ‘slightly’, ‘completely’, ‘really’, ‘actually’, ‘probably’ and more. In almost every case (dialogue being one exception), a sentence gains strength and carries more literary tension when these pesky adverbs are deleted. Try it and I think you will see what I mean. I know there is a bit of controversy regarding the issue of adverbs but I am a true believer that they should be avoided. I have many in my own work that, upon my final edit, will be removed. I hope you can decipher my comments and I hope that some of them help. I think, with just a bit of editing, this is going to turn out to be a very good piece, with lots of character driven suspense and thoughtful mysteries everywhere within. I look forward to the day I can pick it up at my local bookstore and sit in front of the fire, reading for hours. Good Luck and I’m backing it right now..

Hello Sandie,

A very well written piece that I cannot fault, you've obvioulsy put a lot of time and effort into this.
The first Chapter especially is very good and I wanted to know more about that incident.

Tom

You've obviously spent a lot of time getting this right - and it shows. The writing and style captivates the reader and pulls them along. I don't have time to read everything here yet - but I will be back to finish what I started. From what I've read, though, this should be on a real bookshelf already.

Sandie

This is very interesting and different. The pace and energy in the first chapter is incredible. All the short sentences, and narrator style descripitons of the action, make for a thrilling and very fast read. Chapter two is less breathless and gives an excellent insight into what she became. I don't get a lot of literary fiction, but I got this. It's very tightly written and definately one of the better books on here. Backed.
Happy authonoday
Charlie

Sandie-

I normally find literary fiction to be rather off-putting, but this was anything but. Your first chapter neatly encapsulates a pivotal and frightening experience for you MC Chrissie. It was, at times, disorienting, but that helped to build the tension as well so it didn't detract. As I rad into later chapters Chrissie's strong, sensibly succinct voice provides wonderful punctuation after longer more lyrical passages. I was drawn into the intrigue of this question we all have asked ourselves, what really is real. Backed.

Sessha

Hi Sandy.

Your first chapter drew me in and kept my interest. I am up to the end of the second chapter and will read more and comment later on all thee chapters. but for now have stopped off to back you, great writing.

Derek
thedarkside@edating

Y

The first chapter is disjointed in an intriguing way that makes the reader want to find out more, what's happening etc. The second becomes a little more accessible and from there the story really picks up. One minor thing, you've misspelt 'swapped' as 'swopped' at the end of chapter 2. Very well written. Backed.

Kept me at the edge of my seat throughout the first chapter....Your characters are hard,hard, HARD i say..well,
Am coming for more. Watclisted at the moment.

Tope Apoola
Times of the supermen

I find this a very difficult site to give justice to everyones work, it is very demanding on time and eyestrain, never-the-less, I am enjoying being here, but the statement explains why I only read very little of the work. Having read your first and popped into your second to see if it is in the same vein, here are my comments. The first addresses head-hopping, which is a pet hate of mine, I find it irritating and have difficulty empathising with the characters, but, and it is a big BUT, I have to say in the way you have used this technique it is very skillful and fits the piece. It is the only way you could handle this . As one of the girls die, she could not be the one who held the point of view, and the other one couldn't involve us in the feelings of the dead girl just before she jumped. It is riveting. I am also a hater of adverbs. In this you didn't change my mind and I would advice you to cut them. Your work will improve with out them: Her hands have gone completely dead.... If something is dead, it is dead...adding an adverb doesn't make it more deader... Her hands have gone dead. End of. What do you think?

I did worry if this first chapter gave away too much. Reading your synopsis it says that Chrissie cannot remember whether she killed her friend or not. I have two thoughts on this: Did Chrissie walk away and never come back and drink etc wiped her memory to a blur or, has the 34 years been spent in prison because she did kill her friend? The beginning of chapter two -which by the way I was glad to see in the first person- seems to suggest the former. If this is so, then I think the first chapter should perhaps end when the girl jumps... Thus leaving the reader in suspense. All in all you are a terrific writer and you have studied your craft and genre well, it shows. Good luck with this, I will watch its progress and give it all my hope that when it lands on the eds desk, they see it for the quality it is and give you a contract. Backed. Best wishes, Mary

You write with a sharp edge and the opening chapter makes you hold your breath as you read. There's a see-saw, one end Chrissy, the other end Pat. Your descriptive writing allows us to travel back and forth as the scene is played out between them. Brilliant opening which compels to read on to find out what lies behind this curious story.
You really are a master of the word and this is strong, powerful writing. The edge is there again when the ashes arrive in a cardboard box, so often a moment of genuine grief in reality but you dispense with this in favour of taut dialogue which is vaguely chilling. You know how to play around with emotions that's for sure.
Impressive work which is well worth supporting. Shelved. Margaret.

Hi

This is a well written story which unfolds in such a way that keeps the reader wanting more. Great characterisations. Very suspenseful first chapter and the next few chapters keep that going.
Shelved.
A return read would be appreciated.
Olga

Your style, in places, reminds me of the novel, "The Tenth Man" in terms of relating emotions to the reader. That is a good thing!

I think you do a very good job giving each character distinct voices

And as a whole, developed the story superbly

I loved it and I wish you the very best

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I agree with Sheila that the opening chapter is like a dream, or a nightmare. It sets the pace for what is a really good, suspensful read. I'm dying to find out what really happened and what befalls Chrissy. You have me hooked and that is the sign of a good book. Backed, Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

Sandie,

This is mesmerising stuff. The first chapter has a dream-like quality - a bad dream - with thoughts flying hither and thither and then out of it all, Chrissy taking control of herself, knowing what she's going to do and doing it.

The writing is thrillingly lyrical and poetic. I love the varying pace and contrast of the long and short sentences, and then the heart-stopping one-liners. (I didn't think the capitals were necessary for Rope, bring me rope, because you've already said he's shouting.) Oh, and I think what really does it for me is the rhythm of your prose, and the impeccable syntax. Taut, realistic dialogue that blends with the action and the exposition. A delight to read.

Backed.
Sheila (Pinpoint)

The writing here is excellent - the paragraph on lyrics for instance, the compression of the world into doses that can be swallowed, life's twilight shuffle - and Chrissy comes alive almost immediately. A perfect title, and the epigraph so fitting. I'll put this on my shelf.

Wonderful. Beautiful evocative, descriptive and yet non-flowery writing. Even the pitch offers a taste of the quality of the writing: "each holds a different album of her life." The dialogue is natural and character-appropriate and does not overwhelm the narrative. The use of long, short, detailed, terse sentences works very well and echoes the characters' sentiments. The crux of the story is so nicely summed up by the characters themselves: "...is it for her or myself that I cry?", "so Chrissy had travellled. Or had she just kept running?"; fascinating story about memory and hindsight. Pleasure to shelve, Carolyn.

Sandy, a nice conversational style from the first chapter, well contrasted by the taught style of the prologue which brings you closer to the main character. A great idea, well written. Backed! Tania, This Last Summer

Sandy - I took this read on following support for your book on a thread. I note your position at 116 and then read Chapters 1, 2, 13 & 14. Also note you have The Tipping Point categorised as Literary Fiction.


Very powerful opening. You've taken everyday life and filled it with emotion and adrenalin. Your descriptive powers throughout are excellent, we feel the wind whipping around them, and the cold of the roof; and behind it we sense the stupidity of two young women pushing each other. The strength of that first Chapter is on a par with any thriller I've read on Authonomy, and you've the added depth of emotion.

And the dialogue. It's simple - she is a stupid cow - they both are. Many of us remember similar events, perhaps escaped such lives. Excellent.

And then fast forward to 2007. The first person narrative for Chrissy is good. And now we see greater depth to your own style of writing. I personally love changes in sentence length, using that to match the pace of the story. Sometimes a few words can say so much. The use of changing sentence lengths throughout is good but in that first paragraph - superb. You even use the word 'brevity', and the reader is left with almost a sense of despair.

I also loved the mention of music. Our memories are forever connected to music.

And yet, like Chrissy, we are drawn back. There's a magnetism to this place, and your book, that is tough to escape.

Throughout I've seen no hint of spelling mistakes or suggestions for grammatical improvement. This is very much your own work. I then chose to check out later Chapters as many readers do not.

Chapter 13 and the standard of this book continues. Your taking every day scenes and making something more of them for the reader. The balance between descriptive passages is perfectly matched with a dialogue that supports the characters. And then you throw in that little extra - there are no pockets in shroud. Those old sayings make the point.

You take the reader into thoughts we all have. The meaning of life. Religion itself. Kids. And without giving us any defined conclusion you leave us with a sense this is how it has always been, and that's how you leave us splashing aftershave in timeless fashion.

Chapter 14 is brighter, more hopeful. Probably needed. And Chrissy we sense is herself finding meaning in her life.

Excellent read. You've taken everyday events and thoughts and created something very moving to read, touching on emotions any reader can associate with.

If I had just one suggestion, and you may have it in sections I've not read, it would be to add just a little humour. It's a part of human nature we all enjoy. But a good read and certainly backed.

Steve - Hing Dai.

fun read. some of the writing is a bit overwrought and I'm forced to re-read. (eg, "the answer to everything... paragraph, following by "Marion's back with her dad..."
Then Chrissy's pov entangled with Pat. the one line paragraph "Pat..must have flown." followed by shift to who? Chrissy? Pat? Presumably Chrissy but a proper noun in that paragraph would help.

last train...out of town, I guess. Can we know where this town is, btw? is there a reason you're not saying?

totally backed,
Alidir

A very intriguing story. Excellent beginning that held my attention. I really like your descriptions such as the sentence that started....Clothes that had once touched curves...Absolutely brilliant. Backed.
Karen

Bloody hell, Sandie, this is terrific! I'm so glad you have the complete book up here, because I intend to come back to it and read it to the finish - even at risk of eye strain from reading on-screen.

You write beautifully: the combination of a poetic eye and a brooding atmosphere reminded me of Helen Dunmore, one of my favourite authors. The opening chapter is wonderful, but oddly it's the only part of what I've read so far that I have any criticism of. Chrissy's jump from the wall to the roof seemed to happen without me seeing it, and I had to back track to check what was going on. The narrative seems to leapfrog from her being on the wall to her clinging on to the roof, without the jump itself being experienced. I also found the omniscient viewpoint a bit unbalanced. We're mainly seeing things from Chrissy's point of view, but every so often we shift ever so slightly towards Pat's or Marion's. I think that because the POV is primarily Chrissy's it raised my expectation that it would stay with her throughout that chapter, so the shifts were a wee bit distracting for me. This is a minor quibble, because this is the best opening chapter I can remember reading on Authonomy, ever.

My other question is to do with Chrissy's asking Alice about Pat in chapter 3. The pitch says she thinks she may have caused Pat's death - if she's still uncertain on this point, would she come out and ask Alice about her?

That's it - I hope this is of some use. This is a really good piece of work, and I really hope it finds a publisher - it deserves it. And I don't say that to everybody! All the best, Heather

Hi Sandie, my apologies for taking so long to return the kind read you gave me back in April.

I am reading without looking at any of your other comments, so please forgive me if I repeat things. I'm a bit confused here at the beginning. First off, I assumed "Pat" was male, which just isn't right of me, but anyway, seeing her with female attributes stopped me for a second; I read the first two lines again, then it was clear in my mind, and I went on, knowing Pat was female.

"There's a part of her that wants to be stopped." Here, I paused again, because I had to determine whether the "her" is Chrissy or Pat.

"Marion gives her a look." I paused to try to determine if Marion gave Pat a look, or Chrissy. "She can't believe this night." Chrissy can't believe it, or Marion can't?

"Her hands are free now so she climbs." I didn't know who: Pat, or Chrissy? If you make it clear who is climbing then the next "She," where she points to the roof, will be clear.

I feel like we're in Chrissy's viewpoint, but we're really not, because you do go into Marion's head too.

"She's glad it's dark and she can't see the fall, only a moving shine on the water, blinking and shifting." That's a beautiful line.

"Just as Pat takes off. It lands in a loose coil..." Not clear what "it" is. I know, you just mentioned a rope. But in between that and "It," you mention Pat taking off. So, in my opinion, you now have to say "the rope," if, indeed, it's the rope you're talking about.

"Pat must have done it. She must have flown." Then you say, "Between them, the men get her down." Pat? or Chrissy? This doesn't become clear until you have "When she can move again, Chrissy says thank you."

As we come to the end of chapter one, I'm left wondering: what happened to Pat? Where did she go? Why did all the people just go into the pub and sit around? Is Pat in the water? Is she drowning? Is she dead on the rocks? Wouldn't someone or many someones go out to try to fetch her, or her body? It seems strange that they would fetch the one girl and seemingly forget about the other one. They don't even mention her while sitting around. I feel a bit lost by this.

All the above aside, I found your ability to create a real, vivid, "seeable" scene spot-on, perfect. I really FELT the bitter cold. I could SEE the slippery roof. I could feel the difficulty of climbing the fence. And I wanted to know why Pat kept calling Chrissy a bitch.

Loved your description of Alice.

"Simple menus bravely learned with raw marital enthusiasm, perfected over decades, served and consumed in apathetic routine." That's a profound statement.

I'm thinking Mrs. Levy the fourth is Mervyn's ex-wife, but I'm not sure. I'm starting to feel really slow, and maybe I am. The next two paragraphs, about Mervyn, are both a little obscure and convoluted to me, because I don't really know who Mervyn is. I'm getting the impression that he could have been Chrissy's husband at some point, but I'm not sure. I may be misreading.

I really like your paragraph describing the strength of a rock and roll drummer. No wonder youth are drawn to it.

Ah, the relationships are starting to fall into place.

ha ha, that fish and chips would have been more appropriate for Marion's father's funeral.

"There's something evil about ancient fishing ports." LOL! (not meant to be funny and the rest of the paragraph is a beauty of a description, still this made me laugh.)

After I finished chapter 6, I jumped ahead to chapter 23. I had seen your request on the forum about your "sex" chapter. I read it straightaway, but (not surprisingly by now :-)) I was completely lost. I feel this is the danger of posting a chapter of one's book out of context for people to read. Because when they do, they see names that would be familiar to one who started from the beginning, who got to know these characters, but aren't familiar to them, so they are blank sheets, with no emotion. The first time I read this I thought Marion must be the main character of the book. Now after reading 6 earlier chapters, I believe Marion is a secondary character. When we get to Chrissy and Spencer, I am a little lost because I don't know what got these two to this point, in his studio. They seem to both know already that they're going to "go up" which to me implies the second floor, and both know they're going to have sex "up there." But you see the problem: there's too much we don't know, if all we read is chapter 23. I like the play of lights as Spencer starts to undress her. That is a visual moment. "We are now the artwork." That's a great line, and creates the scene. "Like mirrored fragments in a kaleidoscope." That's wonderful.

All my little nit-picks aside, this is some magnificent writing. I'm guessing you made it private (as I did mine) and are beginning again, with new shelves, etc. Good luck with it!

In your thread you wanted interested individuals to take a look at your sex scene. I read it and I thought it was beautifully written. You have to understand, this is coming from a person whose sex scenes are much more direct and overt (not Laurell K. Hamilton explicit). I think the way you wrote it fit the mood you already established. I loved the opening line to the scene: 'We are now the artwork.' That was a great follow up to the paragraphs before. You have a poetic vibe to your writing which I found delightful.

Wow! You take one of the most profound concepts in the last decade, Malcolm Gladwell's tipping point, and reach for its emotional core--we're all on the edge, and once tipped, our world changes forever. But is it so simple? The past informs the present? But how? Your opening chapter is raw and riveting. Then to Chrissy's aching soul, forced to revisit the past. This is a well written, thought-provoking work. Well done.

Chapter 23

So, I was rooting around in the forums and there was a thread that said 'CRIT MY SEX' and being the horny clown I am I popped in, got intrigued, and now I'm popping in here. I gotta tell you, Sandie. I didn't even get to the sex part before I was thinking WOW, this woman knows how to write. You've got absolute command of the narrative. I'm very impressed and I don't know quite how to quantify it. It just works. So there. Good job.

Now, the sex... Because I haven't read the rest of the book I guess the switch to first person POV jarred me initially, but I got over it. Okay, we're still not at the sex yet... but there's plenty of wise introspection and subtlety and natural dialogue and mixing art with foreplay and fuck it... You're just really, really good at this stuff, Sandie. Writing, I mean. Not fucking. Although, I suspect you're probably pretty good at that too...

Ahem.... Alright. The sex. Okay, Sandie. Come on. This isn't SEX. Yes, this is lovemaking, but not sex. I know pornography when I see it. Don't get me wrong, though. I think this is fabulous. It's EMOTIONAL pornography, is what it is. Sentimental Mental Romance at its finest and most poetic. Being the masculine manly tough guy that I am, I find it almost overwhelming. But I suspect it calls clarion to a woman's sensibilities. Which, let's face it, is the most important thing to consider during such sensual relations. You wanna ask Spencer how he FEELS? What he's REALLY thinking? No, you don't. It would only ruin the mood for you.

Bravo, Sandie. Bravo.

Cheers

John

I only found one typo -- nice polished work!!

Been reading on this one today and I really like it. You know how to paint a scene and make it come to life. I like the idea of looking back to find clues to what happened! It was enjoyable, the few chapters I did read. And I could not find any spelling mistakes!

Missy

That's my question: what did happen on that roof? Who was Pat anyway? Did she fly? I think the last one is pretty easy to answer, or it it? Jumping ahead to 2007 and "I don't travel backwards. But some contemplation of the past is inevitable." Especially, around the New Years. Wishing you the best with this and with 2010. Shelved with pleasure and I'll come back to it again.

Hi Sandie. The Tipping Point. (I am commenting having read 5 ex 23 chapters). Densely plotted and artfully written. I love the description of the sinister aspect to ancient fishing ports in Ch 5. (My father was from Lowestoft and I lived in King's Lynn for a year...so I know precisely where your character is coming from on that score!) This has the feel of an old-fashioned saga crossed with a ghost story...which is a good combination! Questions of memory, identity and the past are excellent themes around which to weave a narrative. Shelved. ATB Simon (Little Bastard / Love Gudrun Ensslin)

Have a friend called Chrissy so tempted me to have a look. Glad I did, this reads really well. You have plenty of comments which no doubt have been useful so I have nothing to add. All I will say is that you write very well and know how to tell a story. Good luck with this, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Strong style, thought provoking and interesting... Vivid details that dip the reader in the scene..backed

Sandie
Proper engaging piece of writing. First chapter was particularly thought provoking, as was the second, and the part about the pressure cooker and the time spent homemaking. I could envisage it, rather like you'd introduced a ghost. Excellent, imagery and choice of words. Reminded me very strongly of Helen Dunmore. In fact, if I was handed this with her name by the title, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Well done. Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Present tense works so well in chap 1. A great draw. Then, moving on, flowing description and dialogue create some tight - well paced prose that keeps one happilly reading. A good book.


BACKED

Engaging and compelling, action packed and full of emotion. So realistic with well detailed descriptions and defined characters. A well written book with a good premise that deserves shelving.

ww Lisa

A Fine Line

Hi Sandie,

What a gripping opening. Well written and I can visualise it all happening.

Good end hook.

I been told never go back but that’s exactly what your main protagonist has done.

Alice finds her dress and memories return.

This is well written and poignant. I think many readers will be able to relate to this. What might have been and reality.

Backed with pleasure.

Ron S

I'm sorry that I took so long to read this, because I've been missing out - what I have read here is excellent - strong narrative, immediate draw-in, very competent writing, and propulsive with it. Good internal thoughts that inform the events which make this a very good read. Well done Sandie - it's not often I want to read something on here for raw pleasure, but you've delivered so far.

Sandie,

Chapter one was incredible. You drew me in and held me captive throughout the entire read. I don't have time right now to read further but I would very much like to and plan to try to come back to it later. Very impressive.

Madison Woods - Retribution

Hi Sandie

I was drawn here by the Tipping Point forum thread and I have to agree -- this is powerful writing indeed. Your opening chapter is so fused with emotion and energy that I read it without taking my eyes from the screen. Though the italics worked for me, I was glad to see that you returned to 'normal' speech by the second chapter. Your descriptions are vivid, and your sentences ebb and flow (some are spiky and some are beautiful) to make a beautiful rhythm. Chrissy's voice is distinctive and her story is gripping. My only piece of constructive criticism (and I'm sure you've heard this before) would be to take another look at your title. I know you reference Malcom Gladwell in the beginning, but surely you would want an original name for this unique piece of work? Even removing the word 'The' from the title would enable your book to be distinguished from his. Just a thought, because this story is something I can see on 'real' bookshelves. Great stuff and your pitch works a treat for me too!

Backed by
Andrew (Clan Fraser, Once Removed)

So many beautiful images (absorb you ... like ink on blotting paper. A fresh shabbiness. The thought of her past is lying on folded scraps of paper that she is afraid to open ... ), full of hurt and hate and love and beauty. This is a gorgeous tapestry: lulling and horrifying and real. Excellent writing.
backed
- Genevieve
Under The Same Sky

Engaging start, compelling and frightening in some ways. Great creativity and imagination. Chrissie is the main character and there are some powerful scenes. Packed with emotion and intrigue.

Shelved.

ww Lisa

Hi Sandie,

Accomplished writing in this gripping opening chapter. There's a lot of emotions flying around, anger, jealousy fear competitiveness, all in all a great way to start the book. The underwhelming reaction to the girl's fall is also intriguing. She must have been an acerbic character if a levels are more important to some people. Just so you known you can cherry pick your best comments by clicking the cherry symbol next to them, that way they stay at the top. Backed, good luck. Rob

Dear Sandie Dent,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your greatest strength lies in your haunting premise. Memory is malleable, shifting and untrustworthy, especially such old memories. Confabulation, or the distortion of memories, causes deep uncertainty in us, since memory is at the core of being human. I also like how you start with the uncertain memory, as well as the line “her smile twisted and ugly.”

I skipped to chapter thirteen to cover new ground. I enjoy your wordsmithing, how discontent fills the pockets in the air, how “somewhere in the midst of such practicalities, dreams are lost.” I also enjoyed the line “Any fool can fall in love, it’s the perseverance that counts.”

In my fallible opinion, you could make your story even better by swapping the first and second sentences. I feel like “Pat has the vodka and she’s not sharing anymore,” is what lunges me into the story. In chapter thirteen, you follow up “people are forced outward” with “further,” but you may in fact want “farther.”

These small matters aside, I enjoyed reading about a woman who has lost her dreams. You portray her with such insight and breathe such life into her. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling
Ghost Warrior, the Stealing

This is so good I didn't , couldn't stop reading to take notes, I dont feel my inexperience can do it justice. I was mesmerised by the scene with Pat, Chrissy and Marion. Definately on my shelf and am going to continue to read, wish I had it in my hands. Good luck and backed.
Christina
From Under the Bed

Here is a book which has a strong, gripping plot, but which nevertheless focuses on people. Chrissie is at the centre of this book, both in the third person prologue, and in her own first person narrative; Chrissie, and her relationships with the people in her life, Pat, Marion, Zak, her father, her mother. The first chapter, I suppose, tells us what actually happened, with the amazing flight which Pat almost forces Chrissie to take, and seems to take herself. The moment when the girls both stretch out their arms and flap them up and down as if to begin flying, 'Their arms stretched into the darkness - elegant, unfurled, arced,' is both beautiful and terrifying. And their desire,'To soar greatly, just once,' is in some ways, I think, going to be very important to what Chrissie has, in fact, failed to make of her life. She never soared although Pat did. At least, not until now, when she returns. The relationship with her father, only hinted at so far, and with Zak, whose life she saves, are neither of them good. And her mother has never given her what she needs, has been unable to because of her own unhappy relationship with her husband. Chrissie's reluctance to open her bedroom door, because of what it will tell her about how her parents felt about her, is a real cliffhanger. When we are finally allowed to see inside the room, the fact that her mother kept Chrissie's clothes clean and ironed is very moving, and tells Chrissie more than she had known. I plan to read on to find out everything else you have to reveal to us, but meanwhile, backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.