"He was wrong." Cue the mysterious music. Great ending to the prologue. And it's short, which seems to be a good thing according to many.

Elaina, forgive me for taking so long to return the read you gave me months ago. I decided if I didn't buckle down and get a complete edit finished, I would die of old age always wondering whether my book was good enough or not. So I committed to it.

I have to confess something. Even after reading both your profile and your pitch, when I actually read the line "Rain was exhausted when he finally reached Farinwood," I envisioned the rain being exhausted for a few moments. Ha!

"It wasn't a good sign: it meant women and children were confined." I love this line. Simple yet conveys a lot. I also like your snatches of conversation that Rain overheard. Conveys a lot with few words, plus conveys an "air." I like the addition of McSee. Gives Rain somebody to talk to, creates the excuse for dialogue, which makes a book more snappy than narrative.

A tiny nitpick. Consider removing "sorely" from McSee's statement about needing a bath. He already has struck me as a man of few, direct words, and sorely just isn't needed there.

I must say I didn't see how dangerous Rain could be either, so the end to chapter one is good. Makes us consider him differently.

These children are seriously scary. "A storm was on the way." That's always an ominous line, isn't it?

Chapter 2 is very good.

Wait: didn't McSee introduce himself and Rain as from the same town? It seems like it, but in chapter 3, you say "from different cities." I may have mucked up, and my computer is acting up and doesn't want to let me go backwards. "Galilan." Seems like McSee said they were both from there.

Hmm, you've chosen to head hop, as they say. You'll probably get some complaints about that.

The gold disk is very interesting. How it "knows its master or mistress." Ah, it doesn't burn Rain. Reminds me of a certain "ring...." :-)

I was thoroughly impressed by what I've read of this, Elaina. Not surprising that it sits comfortably on 38 bookshelves (soon 39.) Imaginative, and Rain is a well-fleshed-out character.

Elaina. I do not massage egos, I give due credit. I have read some extremely good material on this site. Previously I have made reference to 3 books that have it all for me. They have it all and I loved them because I thought, "not even my genre, so original and I couldn't write that". Now yours is a 4th through my time on here; only this book is in a genre I can really relate to. This mystical transcendence that transports us elsewhere and creates a space where people can engage differently with their experience, discarding the mundane and oppressive aspects of the humdrum.

A truly super book. I love your characters, their names and their interactions. You write the story very nicely. It is charming and mysterious. The way you describe either scenes or characters enables a very strong visual feel that drags you into this fantastical world and makes you feel like you are watching a film.

I must admit to being surprised and disheartened that your work, while in the top 100, is not climbing higher. Strange.

Personally I think the ED is very much a space where "not all that glitters is gold" and the relentless march of many together seems a tad problematic. I only hope your exposure in the top 100 attracts an offer from some source other than HC. Because for me, this book really should not be confined to cyberspace for any length of time.

I am so pleased that a book like this is out there and trying to make good. It would be nice to see the next stage develop - that would be a great encouragement.

There are no negs from me; No editorial nit-picks. Very well done and very professionally crafted and formatted. I wish you every success in 2010.

Do I have to say 'backed'?? Is it not obvious? ;-)

Alexander *The Wisdom Tree and the Dormouse*

Update - Tuesday 15 December

Basically still in the same situation internet wise...but loving NZ! The sunshine makes up for some serious frustration in not spending time on Authonomy....

xxxxxx Elaina

Monday 16 Nov (New Zealand time)

Have been between countries recently, have now landed...but still figuring it all out! Internet might be a while and my return comments in response to yours on my work will be pretty much non-existent until I am up and running again...but I will back yours if you have mine. That sounds really cavalier, but I have little choice right now.

THANKS in advance for any support you might offer - I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

Regards
Elaina

Elaina,

Firstly, I have to say how impressed I am by your ability to churn a story out. Frig, a ten-book series, complete. How prolific. It took me two years to finish a single novel – I’m sure I could learn a thing or two from you. Also, while I don’t read much fantasy (except on authonomy), I do admire writers who are able to construct an alternate ‘world’ in their novels; I think it takes another sort of creativity entirely from normal slice-of-life fiction.

I liked how you allowed Rain’s observations of the townspeople and the village to give an impression of his character. The impotence of ‘He could do little to help them’; his wariness of McSee, and then his assertiveness – it all combines so that even early in the novel, we’re getting a clear picture of him. The final line of the first chapter is a great hook. It suggests the beginning of an epic tale, and reiterates the ambivalence of Rain’s character.

You choose your words carefully to offer vivid, haunting descriptions:

+ ‘The town itself was gloomy with vapour trailing tendrils much like spooky fingers from a hell world’

+ ‘The heavy hammer thudded down; leaves scurried and rustled as if prodded and young fingers and mouths tore into cloth and flesh.’

Though this isn’t the kind of book I’d buy for myself, I can appreciate the time and skill that’s been invested in ‘Gathering Rain’, and you do seem to have pitched well to your target audience.

Best of luck,
Emy

This is the type of fantasy I could get into. First -- a gripping story that moves right along without explaining the hell out of everything. You give the reader information as they need it, rather than engaging them in long, drawn-out paragraphs detailing everything. Awesome. It's a very accessible work, too -- one of my main problems with Fantasy is overcreative, unpronounceable names -- it's much easier to empathize with a "Rain" than it is a "Hrothgrar the Terrible, Destroyer of Worlds."

Though I'm not into Fantasy as a rule, I'm happy to back this and hopefully kick it a little closer to the desk.

Backed.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

I have become a little wary of fantasy lately, a genre I used to love. It seemed to me there were no orginal voices any more, but then along you come:-)) This was blissful, I've no idea if there are any nits or typos, I was far to taken up with the story to notice.
I liked the characters, I liked the dialogue and I liked the setting. I was chilled by what had happened to the children and I want to know how they are going to stop the blue woman.
If this was in book form, which I hope it will be soon, this would be a sit and read until it was finished sort of book. The type where no interruptions except for the offer of coffee, is acceptable.

Hi Elaina, glad I found your book. It never ceases to amaze me who many good books there are on the site, especially fantasy. Not much to add but just to say I enjoyed what I read. Good luck with this, Jim D Serpent's Blood

I've read your first two chapters and this is really riveting stuff. I'm enjoying it a lot and will probably come back to read more when I have more time. The only thing I noticed was that you have a tendency to be a bit repetitive in your word choices at times. It's not a constant thing, but it does happen occasionally and is a little jarring. Nothing that can't be fixed. Popping this on my shelf for a bit. Good luck with it!

"He was wrong." Cue the mysterious music. Great ending to the prologue. And it's short, which seems to be a good thing according to many.

Elaina, forgive me for taking so long to return the read you gave me months ago. I decided if I didn't buckle down and get a complete edit finished, I would die of old age always wondering whether my book was good enough or not. So I committed to it.

I have to confess something. Even after reading both your profile and your pitch, when I actually read the line "Rain was exhausted when he finally reached Farinwood," I envisioned the rain being exhausted for a few moments. Ha!

"It wasn't a good sign: it meant women and children were confined." I love this line. Simple yet conveys a lot. I also like your snatches of conversation that Rain overheard. Conveys a lot with few words, plus conveys an "air." I like the addition of McSee. Gives Rain somebody to talk to, creates the excuse for dialogue, which makes a book more snappy than narrative.

A tiny nitpick. Consider removing "sorely" from McSee's statement about needing a bath. He already has struck me as a man of few, direct words, and sorely just isn't needed there.

I must say I didn't see how dangerous Rain could be either, so the end to chapter one is good. Makes us consider him differently.

These children are seriously scary. "A storm was on the way." That's always an ominous line, isn't it?

Chapter 2 is very good.

Wait: didn't McSee introduce himself and Rain as from the same town? It seems like it, but in chapter 3, you say "from different cities." I may have mucked up, and my computer is acting up and doesn't want to let me go backwards. "Galilan." Seems like McSee said they were both from there.

Hmm, you've chosen to head hop, as they say. You'll probably get some complaints about that.

The gold disk is very interesting. How it "knows its master or mistress." Ah, it doesn't burn Rain. Reminds me of a certain "ring...." :-)

I was thoroughly impressed by what I've read of this, Elaina. Not surprising that it sits comfortably on 38 bookshelves (soon 39.) Imaginative, and Rain is a well-fleshed-out character.

Dear Elaina J Davidson,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. To cover less-traveled ground I skipped to chapter seven and was rewarded by “dancing sunspots”. At this point I’m not sure why the two strangers spent the night intertwined, but I wish to know. I’m wondering if the old language is part of their shared subconscious. You have two people here who might build romantic interest in each other, complicated by the fact they have a hard time relating due to a Forest that has separated their know worlds. The “Well of Crystal Sound” sounds awesome.

I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Hi Elaina
I cannot begin to think what drew me to your book, it isn't my kind of thing at all (think it was the lovely cover) but you know, I actually enjoyed it! I appreciated the fact that you can really write, sort of sat back and relaxed into it knowing I was in good hands. I'm no expert but I would say that there was an air of authenticity about this and your descriptions were vivid whilst keeping the plot going. Intrigue also helped keep the speed up, lines like, 'I was chosen to find you, for we have noticed the same distressing signs the Mantle has...' are laden with possibilities. You have some great lines, 'Howling winds, banging shutters and other unnamed noises throughout the night kept Rain awake and alert' and, 'There was appalling knowledge in the children's dead eyes,' just blew me away.

Backed, certainly. Best of luck with this.

Jackie
Glass Houses

I have in the long internet downtime (still not sorted) edited Gathering of Rain. It's still the same, only tighter (I hope), but I cannot upload the changes yet. For those of you who stumble over 'was looking'...it would now be 'looked' where it fits. Thus: please read for story at this stage!

Thanks all
Elaina

Wonderful characters, great fantasy plot. Backed. Good luck!

Elaina. I do not massage egos, I give due credit. I have read some extremely good material on this site. Previously I have made reference to 3 books that have it all for me. They have it all and I loved them because I thought, "not even my genre, so original and I couldn't write that". Now yours is a 4th through my time on here; only this book is in a genre I can really relate to. This mystical transcendence that transports us elsewhere and creates a space where people can engage differently with their experience, discarding the mundane and oppressive aspects of the humdrum.

A truly super book. I love your characters, their names and their interactions. You write the story very nicely. It is charming and mysterious. The way you describe either scenes or characters enables a very strong visual feel that drags you into this fantastical world and makes you feel like you are watching a film.

I must admit to being surprised and disheartened that your work, while in the top 100, is not climbing higher. Strange.

Personally I think the ED is very much a space where "not all that glitters is gold" and the relentless march of many together seems a tad problematic. I only hope your exposure in the top 100 attracts an offer from some source other than HC. Because for me, this book really should not be confined to cyberspace for any length of time.

I am so pleased that a book like this is out there and trying to make good. It would be nice to see the next stage develop - that would be a great encouragement.

There are no negs from me; No editorial nit-picks. Very well done and very professionally crafted and formatted. I wish you every success in 2010.

Do I have to say 'backed'?? Is it not obvious? ;-)

Alexander *The Wisdom Tree and the Dormouse*

Hi
I became quite involved in your story very easily.
An interesting world.
Thanks for sharing.
g.

Great dialogue. Very smooth and believable and a back story that is intriguing and interesting.

You tell a good tale and can paint a picture well with your words. I have followed my usual practice and read the first chapter to try to mimic how I would act if browsing this book in a shop. I would certainly be intrigued by the unfolding story and would definitely be heading to the cash register with it. My only concern (and I'm sure others have said this) would be to do with the very crowded nature of this particular genre, as authonomy amply demonstrates. Nevertheless, good luck with this. Shelved for a spin.

Hello Elaina,

I like your story, your characters, and your dialogue. The storyline flows smoothly, but the over use of the passive verb "was" takes away from the intensenty of your prose. As an example look at the fifth paragraph in Chapter 3, written in the active voice.

Storm debris lay strewn across the wet cobbled streets. Just after dawn, a deadly quiet had fallen over the town. Nasty, dirty light pierced the thick grey cloud cover.

I backed your book before I had time to read it and now I am glad to back it again. All the best.

Daniel "Storykeeper"

Elaina
Read chapters 1, 2, 3 and 13. Don't know why I'm so random! Excellent choice of words and imagery. Right from the first blog line ' there is a darkness coming...' Well done on this brilliant work of fantasy. Backed
Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Thank you to all who have read, commented and backed...and thanks to those of you reading now! I really hope to be back to normal soon, and, meanwhile, appreciate your help. xxx

Elaina,

"Gathering of Rain" hooked me with its marvelous opening paragraph and I was surprised that you maintained that same quality of writing throughout the first three chapters. (That's as far as I've read so far).
"Gathering of Rain is engrossing stuff. Backed with pleasure!
If you get an opportunity, would you mind looking at my book, "The Wild, Wild Quest"? I appreciate any and all comments/feedback that I can get.

Best of luck,
J. A. Johnson
(The Wild, Wild Quest)
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=13246

Your writing is superb—the short snappy sentences won me over.

This is my type of writing and the story is very compelling.

Every word is carefully chosen for an imagination that is vivid and alive.

This story is destined for publication

Best wishes

Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Oh this is excellent! And Rain! First off, what a great name! I love his character and the whole scene you've portrayed so far. I thought I wouldn't be able to keep up, but you write well and I wasn't lost like I sometimes am on fantasy such as this. You have great twists and turns and your imagination takes us to fascinating legends and places.
This is very good and I'm pleased it is doing so well.

SD Gillen

Have I backed you again? Can't remember. Just in case, am doing it now.

x

Hello Elaina, I loved reading this story. Your writing is excellent and your prose is imaginitive and compelling. I have been a fan of sci-fi for many years and you have put a different slant upon the genre.
I have to agree with Chris Burton's comments (1 day go), and have absolutely no hesitation in backing this. Good luck with it, for it deserves to have a gold star against it.
(I often do agree with Chris's comments, because he is my son - see ALPHA ONE - THE JUMP PILOT). Sorry about the plug! Here is another one: my story has nothing to do with sc-fi - it is a romance and I hope that you will read and enjoy it.

Phyllis Burton
A Passing Storm

An outstanding piece of fantasy/sci-fi...and I've read a lot of it on this site...this though is one of the best.
Backed!

This is marvellous! A fanastic premise, creative imagination working at its best and very readable too! The opening chapters draw you in and you never let go. Not keen on the link between Fantasy and Sci Fi. There is a very definite link between sci-fi and reality, whereas Fantasy is just that, it can be futuristic and believable, but it is entirely made up and without foundation. This is semantics and has absolutely no reflection on your novel, which is one of the best in its class, deserved of its high ranking and should justice prevail will soon achieve a gold star. Backed

Hi Elaina. Your book has great potential, and demonstrates your wonderful imagination. I love the place name of "Farinwood", and the character name of "Rain". You have a skilled ability to develop names of people and places that actually sound good when pronounced. (You would be surprised how many writers, particularly of fantasy, come up with bad-sounding names for people and places!) I have backed your book, and I will look forward to paying attention to your writing career!

Your fellow fantasy author,

Kevin Wong
Heroes of Destiny

Well defined character, great writing.

Really happy to shelve this.

Melxx
Impeding Justice.

Though fantasy is not my thing, I am happy to back it on the strength of your style. Great voice.

tjis ia an interesting beginning. I am intruiged by the plot and hople to read more later.
good luck with this. isabella rose. I'll back this book ploease look at daddys little spy -isabella

First of all, I enjoy the writing and the world you have created. I could go on about the many good points, but I will make it brief and stick to the criticism. I know enough not to criticize a writer's style (and I enjoy your very much), but there is a few times early on where it isn't quite consistent with itself. As an example, very early on Rain sees some children in the street. He realizes they are creepy possessed flesh eaters and ducks in to the nearest inn. He immediately notices the coat rack and slate floor, before being disgusted with his appearance and going to buy a drink. This set me wondering if creepy flesh eating children were common around there, because he didn't react much. That's just an example, and it really isn't very bad. and I'm sure you will work these things out over time and editing.

Another I'd like to mention is the character's names (please don't throw anything at me). Rain seems like a rugged loner type. And the name Rain strikes as...not that. I'm not positive what exactly I mean. Next in come McSee. Not your usual fantasy name. Not really criticizing, but it struck me. To tell you the truth, I don't expect you to change character's names (I know I wouldn't), I'm just letting you know what I thought.

Anyway, I enjoy this very much. Backed.

Corin.

Hi Elaina,

Some very good writing here. Your characters are well defined and the dialogue real. A novel worth reading for any fantasy fan.

Michael Drakich
Grave Is The Day

Full on, straight into it, fantasy, complete with fab charactors and magical settings. All the elements to make this a fantasy winner. Enjoyed and backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Update - Tuesday 15 December

Basically still in the same situation internet wise...but loving NZ! The sunshine makes up for some serious frustration in not spending time on Authonomy....

xxxxxx Elaina

Monday 16 Nov (New Zealand time)

Have been between countries recently, have now landed...but still figuring it all out! Internet might be a while and my return comments in response to yours on my work will be pretty much non-existent until I am up and running again...but I will back yours if you have mine. That sounds really cavalier, but I have little choice right now.

THANKS in advance for any support you might offer - I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

Regards
Elaina

What an interesting world you have weaved together. Your writing has a sense of playful energy that I like, and it's clear you put a lot of thought into every detail.

This has a very poetic style to it, and I like the almost dreamy quality to it. This has all the marks of a great fantasy novel--backed happily and I wish you the best of luck.

Elaina-- Very rich writing which creates a vivid alternate world. I am lost navigating in this genre-- it's just not my cuppa-- but I recognize the fine craftsmanship here, and it seems more polished than some of the fantasy novels I've skimmed in recent memory. My big brother is a huge fan of this sort of thing, and I hope this gets published so I can buy this for him one Christmas, and say "I knew her when... !" Good luck!

Ruth/Base Spirits

Elaina.

Sorry, backed you the other day, but didn't have time to leave comment.....Then I forgot.

Opening

glyph, murmured (I'd delete the 'he',)......my view only, you have two 'he's close together...I read it out loud, it helps me to 'hear the writing voice.'

Chapter One
4 consecutive paragraphs open with 'He',,,,,use his name in two of them pherhaps....

Otherwise, no nits ........ Well written, perfect balance of dialogue vis a vis narration......

Would like your view on mine......Best of luck......And happy holiday in New Zeland.

Elaina, I'm back this purely on the other comments and a brief reading of part of the first chapter. I just have a hard time getting into fantasy or science fiction, but I can tell your really know how to write a story.

Trish

'Miranda'

Hi Elaina, I really enjoyed reading this. You have an excellent imagination. I love the characters and their individual descriptions. I would be pleased to own a copy once published. Nothing to complain about, everything I read seemed perfect and made me want to read more. You have a good trip to New Zealand. Regards, Gordon Kuhn

Elaina,
This is wonderful. Your writing is smooth and your voice unique. You began with a great external tension, and as the chapter continued, you developed a nice internal conflict for both McSee and Rain. You have nice pacing and details and descriptions. This is something I would sit down on my couch and read until four in the morning. Very well done. I have to criticisms.
You're on my shelf,
Alisha

I'm not a big fan of fantasy, Elaina but I really enjoyed your opening. Shelved.

The prose is polished with some lovely, lightly lyrical phrasing. (eg, 'the old buildings were shuttered, blind') I do think it would benefit from a more consistent POV and the removal of 'telling' inserts, but that's an easy fix. The detail is clear and convincing but not OTT. The dialogue feels real and helps to flesh-out the characters. Plot feels complex and well-conceived.

In short, a stylish, confident, very convincing opening. Thanks and best of luck. E

Observations on Prologue/Ch1:
'set it into a vice' - doesn't feel quite right? 'secured it in a vice'?

'until it was pefect' -the glyph or the enchantment? confusing?

vapour-trailing

'were spoken almost as a mantra...etc' - disorientating shift in POV?

Is it a good sign or a bad sign children are outside? Contradiction?

'Valarais was in real trouble' - feels a bit weak?

I don't think a lobby can 'sport' anything?

Would he really be that bothered by his appearance?

As lobbies go [comma], Without warning [comma] etc - some of the punctauation is a bit loose.

Do doors ever open with warning? Maybe just 'Suddenly'? Also, 'slammed inward' is a bit confusing? Maybe 'swung open'?

'unconsciously exerted' - again, watch for wandering POV.

'...for he was lumped in...etc' - not sure what this means?

'Rain frowned into his [ale, mug, beer??]..'

Can you shake your head imperceptibly?

The shifting POV is a bit off-putting.

'lived up to the name above the door' - good line but I had forgotten the name of the pub. Maybe rephrase to include ref to pub name?

'but as his claim wasn't a lie...etc', 'toning his voice down...etc' - these little 'telling' inserts do feel a bit clunky.

'tongue-tied' - cliche

Hi Elaina :-)

I really liked your work 'Gathering of Rain' because it intermixed not just fantasy, but it hinted at sci-fi which added to the fantastical element. In my opinion this really worked because one of the elements of sci-fi is making something believable through science. Although this is 90% fantasy, it's 10% sci-fi which is superbly woven through the story and like knitting, it holds all of the elements together. Excellent work and I look forward to coming back to read more,

onaya3

Elaina, I just started, but I am already pulled in. You've conceived something much more in an epic vein than I'm brave enough to attempt myself just yet. I see others have compared to The Lord of the Rings. I don't know that I would say that - I'm not sure anyone will ever get the same flavor Tolkien had thanks to his grounding in the all-but-lost art of philology. That said, I also don't think an epic fantasy must necessarily be "the next Lord of the Rings" to be excellent. I look forward to continuing to read this. Shelved!

R.C. Lewis

Imaginative and beautifully written.
Shelved with pleasure,
Carole

Chapter 1 is nicely done.

Hi Elaina, I'm sucked straight into this one. You describe the scene really well and it has a sense of Lord of the Rings about it, I pictured Strider as he made his way into that town where he met the 4 hobbits. There is a cinematic feel to your writing and I enjoyed your opening chapter very much. It is on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

This is excellent. I was hooked from the last three words of your prologue - "He was wrong", that made me laugh just as it sent shivers up my spine. I have only read the first chapter so far but I am definitely coming back for more. I think I still have a lot to learn *blushes*.

Honestly, there is just such attention to detail, yet smooth flow of prose and realism of setting. You write with your own voice. I am surprised you aren't sitting on the shelf already (though I guess I'm glad in a way, I might not have thought to look there... lol)

I look forward to seeing where you take this. Thank you for sharing and for your kind comment. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. All the best with getting published. You really deserve it!
- Ani (Silver Hawk)

Hello Elaina. With 440 comments I am sure that every nit has already been picked. There is a lot here to entertain even those dullards like me who don't like fantasy. The imagery is good and I was immediately immersed in that merrie England type of place where ale foams, inn signs swing and mysterious strangers ride into town. I liked the easy reading style of your writing and I was impressed with your originality in your use of place and character names (this is quite a feat). I wish you success and have backed your book. John

Not my normal cup of poison, but I have read enough to know this is a smoothly delivered story.

Not my normal cup of poison, but I have read enough to know this is a smoothly delivered story.

I have to say this may very well be the best book i have read on this site. Your prose is eloquent, your story instantly engaging. I can "feel" your words. Extraordinary. Backed.

There are people who love fantasy and people who don't much like it. The immense popularity of Lord of the Rings demonstrates clearly that the lovers of fantasy are many in number. I myself love fantasy, so I was predisposed to like this book, and I should say straightaway that I was not disappointed. Here is everything you might want; a good setting, good plot, interesting characters. The writer describes things well, always a bonus, and so brings the setting to life, while never distracting us by too many words from the action and the people. One possible flaw in fantasy is that the characters can often be unreal. But in this book, that is not the case. The old man, Avondeath, and his relationship with Rain, are full of life and humour. The girl, Averroes, is more than just a pretty waif, and McSee holds promise of developing into someone amusing and lively.
I've enjoyed reading this very much, and look forward to reading the other books in due course.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.