Book Jacket

 

rank 3612 (-173)
word count 20750
date submitted 08.06.2009
date updated 11.06.2009
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction
classification: adult
incomplete

The Point of No Return

Matthew J. Lee

 

In a forgotten colony marooned on a hostile planet, a brother and sister search for a means of escape.

 

Hopelessly off course, the crew of the dying colony ship Peregrine have no option but to make emergency landfall on C380-97346-4. This desolate planet is a barren, rocky supergiant where the few survivors struggle to subsist from moment to moment, but somehow they manage to gain a foothold and establish a settlement.

Nearly two hundred years later, the survivors are close to breaking point, unable to escape the planet's gravity well, with factional power struggles threatening to erupt into civil war and resources growing scarce. When Erin abandons her research position, her family and friends seemingly on a whim, her brother Maxim deserts from the military police to track her down. The siblings' journey takes them to the Great Chain, the island colony founded on the wreckage left hanging in the sky from the disaster two centuries before. A secret has been uncovered people will kill to protect; Erin confronts some hard truths about trust and dedication; Maxim questions what drives him to bring his sister back home.

A dark, character-driven space opera about hope in the face of adversity and the nature of sacrifice.

 
 

tags

action, adult, dark, flight, science fiction, secret, shipwreck, survival

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8 comments

 

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Ayrich wrote 211 days ago

A shelf for a different style than ive seen

Andrew W. wrote 238 days ago

Point of No Return

Hi Matthew, Very swish, straight into the action and there is no let up during chapter one. You use dialogue very effectively to pace the story, to build intrigue and to raise questions in the readers mind. I thoroughly enjoyed this and wanted to read on to find out what more happens. What a powerful and intense opening, really good hook, well done, this deserves to do very well indeed, best wishes - Andrew W.

Shinzy wrote 239 days ago

Hi Matthew,

Intriguing pitch; it’s what persuaded me to read your book. I like your writing style; it’s captivating. I was pulled in right away. I loved the pace, it was just right – not too fast or too slow.

Chapter 3 only says Two centuries later. I don’t think you need a whole chapter for just three words. From Chap 4 onwards, there’s seems to be dialogue but no quotation marks in places, which was a little confusing.

Chapter 7 is more the way it should be written. I felt a great sense of character in this chapter and the dialogue felt natural.

I think you have a good story here, which will be even greater with some editing. I’d like to come back and read it again when you’ve done some work on it. For now, I will back it for I feel it’s has potential and the story is one of intrigue.

Best of luck.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

phillberrie wrote 243 days ago

Hi, Me again.

Apologies, the section which was unclear is 13 where Maxim is talking in private with Alojz, just before he tries to strangle him. There were some references there that I still can't make a connection to, which makes that conversation very confusing.

I liked 'Integral Trees' as well and I can see parallels in your setting (i.e. the islands and the floaters).

I suggest you make your gravity between two and three times Earth normal and possibly make more use of the abundant water you have in the atmosphere with people on the ground taking rest breaks from the fierce gravity in buoyancy tanks.

Anyway, liked the story, and happy to talk more about the technical side of things.

Keep writing.

Phill.

phillberrie wrote 244 days ago

I forgot something in my reconstruction of the original message.

If you feel like aggressively touting this here then I suggest you approach the scifi writers rather than just anyone. I don't think most writers will appreciate it as much as it should be.

Good luck.

Phillberrie.

phillberrie wrote 244 days ago

Just finished section fourteen.

Wrote a nice long comment and it got eaten by the Internet gremlins so I'll have to reproduce it.

Micro comment: Section 13 lost me, you might like to see if you can make it clearer.

General comments:

On a continually cloudy planet where the Sun cannot reach the ground I am left wondering how the water gets back into the atmosphere. It can't be through evaporation, so I am guessing vulcanism, but then you have a source of heat which is trapped by the clouds. This would make your world warm and wet, not cold as you are describing.

Also, concerning your atmosphere. Your characters seem to be able to breath the atmosphere without respirators. Where is your oxygen coming from and what is maintaining its concentration in the limited range that humans can breathe. Too little and they suffocate. Too much and they're poisoned by the Oxygen. Also, what are the other gases that make up the atmosphere, as they also can have an effect?

For your information I have written some articles on these matters for Earth's atmosphere which may be of some use to you. You can find them here

http://www.awritergoesonajourney.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=302&Itemid=165

and here

http://www.awritergoesonajourney.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=312&Itemid=165

Speaking of the planet. I think your six gravities is an environment unlikely to sustain human life. Most people black out at 6 gravities, test pilots wear special suits and I can't see newborns surviving at all. You could of course have all children born in the artificial gravity of the islands, but this would mean the connection between the links and the ground would be much much closer than I have been lead to understand so far.

And, if you do want to go the heavy gravity way then your people would have to have adapted to the heavy gravity. This would make them short and thick set like Larry Niven's Jinxians (Jinx has 1.5 Earth gravities). Your people would be bulging with muscle and be truly superhuman in strength.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like the story and have gotten use to your style. All these issues can be fixed with appropriate technology (genetic manipulation to create a planetside worker race being a good option), but as I think this story is mostly going to appeal to the scifi readers here on Authonomy I think you need to address these issues.

Even so, I'm happy to have shelved this story. Good luck with it.

Phillberrie (The Changeling Detective and Engelian Adventures: Transgressions)

phillberrie wrote 244 days ago

Hi,

Me again. Up to section 11. One obvious typo (see below)

Section 8

"and let them know I will be not be happy if they hurt you" should be "and let them know I will not be happy if they hurt you"

Am going to shelve you based on what I've read so far. Will be back soon.

Phillberrie (The Changeling Detective and Engelian Adventures: Transgressions)

phillberrie wrote 244 days ago

Hi,

I have problems with your physics, grammar and punctuation but only stopped reading at section 6 because I have other things I need to do :-(

A strong and different style here with definite possibilities with regard to story. Have watchlisted it and will be back.

Phillberrie (The Changeling Detective and Engelian Adventures: Transgressions)

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