There is nothing here.

THERE IS NOTHING HERE
This book is a fun read. I jumped around to read about ten of them – and found them all interesting and amusing. How to make a baby in three months was my favorite; reminded me what a government researcher might actually try. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Hi Jack,

Have had this watchlisted for ages, but only just getting round to it now.

Have read:

How to be a woman,

Make room! I need some space!,

and Fixing things.

They are beautiful little gems. Am backing this now, in an attempt to push you back up the chart.

Andrew Thorn (Killjoy)

Ha ha. I read three stories at random. Actually, they're more vignettes than short stories, but each had a distinct voice and style about it. I'm not sure whether this is saleable, but that's not for me to decide. I'll give you a run on my shelf, and we'll see if you can find out what HC thinks.

Regards,

TomW

Hello Jack,

Brilliant! What more could I have asked for as a welcome break than a collection with witty lines, engaging characters and amazing descriptions. The fast pacing and effective narrative and dialogue moved me effortlessly from one story to the other until I found myself at A Bargain Sale. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun

Great - a set of fun short stories - just the thing for when Authonomy fatigue sets in... Read the first one (liked the use of 2nd person) and "Make Room!" (chapter 4). Minor editorial point: I think you should have "I read" not "I've read" in the first sentence. Female author/male reader - funny stuff! On my promiscuous bookself for a while, but I'm intending to keep it on my WL for dipping in and out.

Lisel
Isis In Crisis

Hello Jack!

Very entertaining! Short, funny, and so very true. I am guessing that English isn't your first language. But then the quirky turns of phrase add to the quirky fun of these stories. I picked three at random - How to Paint a Window, How to Renovate Your Home and How To Be Woman, and enjoyed every one of them.

Thank you for cheering up my tea break this morning! Watchlisting for tea break tomorrow!!

All the best

Denise

As someone who does not paint, I thought I might remain neutral and not take sides on the first story “How to paint a window”:

“Now you understand why it takes him so long to play 18 holes.”
But of course I couldn’t. It takes just as long to catch a salmon—so listen up wives!
“How to Renovate Your Home” is equally insightful—and just as amusing. And it was clear already I was going to enjoy this read.
By the third one, chapter 4, “Make room! I need some space!” I was convinced:

“Two days ago I've read a book: "You can have it". I liked it very much and decided to implement everything written there.
As the first step, the book explained, I need to throw away everything old to make place for new, better and plentiful....
And that's what I did.
As the author was a woman, I took out all my wife's shoes....”

I then skipped about reading various chapters at random. None disappointed. Take this from chapter 10 “How to be a woman”:

“You are awoken by a kiss on your neck.
You stretch yourself out, shoving him away, then catch him and pull him to you. This long kiss could turn any frog into a prince.... Half stretching once more, you return to the kiss. However, your lips do not meet any resistance—he is not there....
Suddenly you hear steps. He rapidly comes into the room with a tray.... You are a woman after all and it is your due....
You hear the entrance door slam. You know that he left for work.
Nevertheless, he did not leave you alone.
He left you with ....”(You will have to read it for yourself)
Or this from “How to make sex”:

“Alan shaved himself very closely. Then he put 'Chanel for men' perfume on and smiled. He showed the real-man biceps to his mirror image, folding and unfolding his right hand. His left hand's big finger made a sign "you see!" A pleased grin covered his face. He will have a terrific sex today.”

Guaranteed to cause a dispute between the sexes—if only, who should read it first. A book that can be read as the fancy takes you and thoroughly enjoyable it is too. Backed.

Dear Jack, You said your stories would make the reader smile, but you were wrong about me—I’m laughing out loud. And I’ve begun to realize my laughter is also directed at myself: you describe fixes very similar to those I’ve been in. Indeed, I think just about everyone in the Western world has endured something quite like the frustrations and humiliations inflicted on your characters. I’ll go even further: I think your minimalist prose allows and encourages a reader to embroider the narrative with her own experience.

This is very original and highly skillful. You might have wrong about my only smiling, but you were quite right to call this a “special book.” On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Hi Jack

Just got a chance to read your book.

The humour smacks of the information spoofs that were done by Harry Enfield and other comedians...my sort of humour...it does transfer well to the book, but what i would say is what the slight errors, such as 'Sat on the bed' rather than 'in'....the opening as well - Good Morning 'The World' i would say.

I feel this is a book that doesn't have to be read in it's entirety...a book that can be dipped into every now and again. These type of books are needed!

On my shelf.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

I did grasp much of this light humor, and chuckle, but I'm not really a fan of this kind of writing, I've never really read anything quite like this, so please feel free to disregard my comments in their entirety, but to be helpful, if I can, I was sometimes confused by the quick movement of the stories (e.g., chapter 22). You might wish to put more effort into helping the reader make the transitions.

I also found what I thought were typos, but I suspect now that your native language is not English (the mistakes remind me of the kind my wife makes, and her first language is not English). If that's the case, then you write very good English for a non-native, and there's not much to do but keep at it, but if you seek publication, I'd seek help to clean up the grammar before submitting.

Hope this helps in some way and best of luck with your stories!

Hi Jack,
Well, what a relief from the total seriousness that seems to be Authonomy. I have not had time to delve as deeply as I would like. but have greatly enjoyed what I have read so far. Great observations! I'll keep poppping back - it'll be a welcome relief!
Backed with pleasure!

Hi, very sorry for the delay!

I’ve picked several stories to leave comments on so here goes:

How to paint a window

I really like the POV you use. It is very involving for the reader, you really engage them.

Nitpicks:
I think that this sentence: ‘with a slightest effect,’ should be - Without a slightest effect - ?
I don’t see how “!!!!” is speech

Make Room - I need space - 4

Haha, I found this one funny. Great imagery with the rioting women and I didn’t see that ending coming!

Roller coaster 1

This is good, I can really feel his fear and emotions. I like it when the son says he wants to go again, typical.

How to be a woman

Hehe, this is great! Definitely my favourite so far. I love the way she starts to imagine him in awful situations because she thinks he left and then he comes back ad she’s happy but ultimately left with the dishes, great stuff.

I really hope you accept my apology for not returning your read sooner, the truth is I completely forgot and missed your name on the list I keep. I did not in any way intentionally do this.

On my shelf, Best of luck x

I like writers who have the guts and the talent to challenge rules and conventions and you're one of them.

I enjoyed reading this, liked the structure (or lack of it ;-), the voice, the stories and the humor.

No nitpicks because I liked it a lot and because I think you're doing something so unique.

Shelved and good luck.
Dania

Jack,
Some people just go through life as fast as possible, trying to get from one place to another and oblivious to what's happening around them. Not you. These are splendid observations, and underscore the essential truth in great comedy. From painting, to renovating, to shopping and beyond, your take on the world around us is well worth the time spent with this book. I would buy this one!
Nice job.
Shelved.
Mark

Complete different to everything else i have read on here. Entertaining and rather strange in s good way.
Backed!

A nice, gentle collection. Very readable.
All the best,
BexMcK (The Devil's Box)

There is Nothing Here...

I have a feeling that English might not be your first language, although what I might be noticing is simply a unique writing voice.

I read three of the stories, the first two and A Bargain Sale...liked the last one best because you didn't address the reader as much, plus I loved the bungee jumping line.

It is dangerous to the address the reader, I've been told...and I'm about to eliminate a couple of places in my novel where one of the characters seems to address the reader.

Best of luck with this.

Shelved, of course.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

Well written and well thought out...gently humorous rather than side-splittingly funny (is side-splittingly a word?)
This will find a ready market I think...
Backed

This reminds me of Seinfield, gentle,observant and laconic. There is some very good comedy on authonomy, and after reading several of these stories you will definitely join the ranks. My main concern is to prove how funny you are straight away. Someone may scan the book and only find the gentle humour when perhaps something more outrageous could have led them in. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Dear Jack,
My critique, the first few lines must be a knockout, so I thought chap. 29 was really hilarious. Each chapter heading are real attention grabbers. Some made me smile. I could tell the fun you had writing this. It is like being in front of a stand-up comedian.
Keiko :)

Jack,

Thanks for your comments. I have to say I like your writing style - it's unusual which makes it humourous. The first story is a risky concept using 'you' but you pull it off well. I'm going to back this. Rob

Return whenever you feel gloomy. My stories are believed to help better than any antidepressant. Especially story #22 - 'Family dinner' which was written as a treatment for my friend whose wife left to pasture on other fields. :-)

Jack,

Thanks for your comments. I have to say I like your writing style - it's unusual which makes it humourous. The first story is a risky concept using 'you' but you pull it off well. I'm going to back this. Rob

There is Nothing Here
I wonder if you are planning anything longer, to really test out your ability to tell a story, would be happy to read any of that if you upload it. Andrew W.

Thanks. You could read a longer story: "How to ride bicycle."
Yes, i still try out my writing abilities, which I found in myself just a year ago. I feel like playing with words, putting them in different forms, getting diffrent results. By the way, I'm a geet too in a way. It seems you really ned two brains to write more imaginative stories like your "sanctuary loss"

There is Nothing Here

Hi Jack, I gave these a go the other day and have come back again today. The viciously short story might be a whole new genre. I have read five in all. I like your style, the brevity and the attempt to take a sideways glance at the world. Some of them don't work Jack, the rubber girlfriend one did not work in my opinion, yet the one about sex and the power failing was much cleverer, linking disparate stories quickly and efficiently. It feels a bit as if you are playing around with your talent, seeing what it can do. I wonder if you are planning anything longer, to really test out your ability to tell a story, would be happy to read any of that if you upload it. I think this needs more comments and responses from fellow authonomites, they might have a different sense of humour to me and offer a more varied response, best wishes - Andrew W.

Lovely stuff, certainly brightened up my morning, good luck with this, backed.

Hi Jack,

Well, I certainly did smile. This is very well written and runs at a great pace.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Dear Jack,
Welcome to Authonomy! I saw your book was only listed as comedy, so I thought I'd try it. Well, Jack, I only read to chapter three and can't say I laughed too much. I think your wit must be very dry, and maybe that will be the thing that puts you over the top with an audience. It could be that you and I have a different sense of humor, or maybe I just need to read more chapters. So here's what I will do. I will put you on my shelf and come back later to read a few more chapters. If you would take a look at my book, Call Me Lizzy, I would be most appreciative. I tried to use a little humor in it too in places.
Thanks,
Mary Wilkinson