The Organ Grinder

Sara, the cover gives an idea of what to expect. It's uphill from there, which is quite an achievement. What a thriller! Shelved. Lynn

I crawled out of my pit a little earlier than I expected to today - I am on my summer holidays and the temptation to lie in for longer was a strong one. Anyway, I decided to switch on the laptop and look on the site for a quick morning read. What better book to accompany the cornflakes than a one entitled "The Organ Grinder". It has been on my WL for a few days now and I apologise for my delay in getting to it. I wasn't disappointed.

I feel that Kane is going to make Ross Kemp look like a Teletubby. You have crammed a lot into the first chapter and prologue. Poor Rebecca! How much more with that girl have to suffer? Her Knight in shinning armour is on his way but this is no medieval tale but a very realistic take on the rather messy relationship between Wartime and the media. I would imagine we only ever get to read about and see a thousandth of what really happens during a conflict and, although this is a fictional tale, the picture is not a unrealistic one.
I have had one of two run ins myself on foreign soil. I once got chased by a Greek waiter for complaining about a salad and I also got threatened by a pimp when I tried to take a photo in the Red Light District in Amsterdam. I may not be on Rebecca's level yet but my degree of empathy will certainly keep me keen. I will read on and comment more soon my friend.

Pete

Brutal! But excellent writing. Extremely compelling story line that moves quickly and is well-told.

But...brutal! Yikes! I'm terified to read on! :)

Shelved.

Shawnette

Firstly what a perfect pitch for this book. I wanted to read it just from this. (Help please with my own!)

Why was I surprised that a female author was writing this opening? I don’t know but it is as good as it gets:

“The young British UN soldier watched an unidentified truck rumble along the broken pot holed track they called No Man’s land. A suicide mission? The question rattled loud and fierce in his mind. He stepped out onto the road amidst the steady stream of refugees making their weary way to the precarious safety of North Bundhara. Part of his job was to assist their evacuation, the other to protect them with force if needed. The truck was swerving scattering the rag tag band of people in its way to either side. The soldier aimed his standard issue rifle. He felt a strange cocktail mix of fear and excitement swirl noisily inside his stomach. At last he was about to see some action.”

Fabulous and I make no apologies for quoting it in full.

And it just gets better and better:

“It was so damn hot. He could smell the heat all over his wet body under his fatigues. Fixing his fingers more firmly on the rifle he took a couple of steps forward repeating his threat once more.... The soldier’s finger jumped on the trigger as they carried the bag between them and threw it on the ground not far from him. Only the realisation that it was a body bag stopped him firing.... His gut twisted painfully. His finger jumped once more on the rifle as the man took the object out of the bag and rolled it along the ground towards him. He froze unable to complete the action.... It had to be a bomb.”

I won’t spoil the surprise but you can see how exciting this author makes this read.

Full of intrigues:

“It was almost a black ops. Harker broke into his thoughts. ‘I really believe it was the South Bundenese government.”...
“There is something else you should know. There are some Embassy officials out there hounding Rebecca for information about her interview with Somwan. I am pretty sure they are MI5 trying to keep their involvement under wraps.”...

And some chilling incidents:

“The Bundenese Liberation Army or BLA were out and out terrorists who took their hostage’s heads or limbs depending on the warning they wished to send out to the world. ... Rebecca had been beaten, and cut with a knife on her chest area and arms. It looked like the torture had lasted several hours.”

The more I read the more convinced I became that this author just has to have personal knowledge or experience of what she writes. It is so authentic and quite riveting.

But this is also a romance and this is just mind-blowingly good:

“He zipped the tent up and turned to look at her sitting on the camp bed. She couldn’t meet his eyes again. He sat down beside her and gently cupped the side of her face and lifted it up towards him. Her cheek was damp with one solitary tear. The pad of his thumb gently brushed it away halting it’s progress. She stared up at him as he caressed the side of her face with his thumb. She asked him, ‘Are you sure you want ... ‘
‘Shhh, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to,’ he whispered before leaning in and brushing her lips with the soft inquisitive touch of his own. He paused judging that she was happy with the intimate contact and repeated the simple action. He brought her closer, sweeping his hands around her small waist, pulling her to him with need. Satisfied she wasn’t able to retreat from the small enclosed space of his arms he kissed her again. This time he went deeper. She moaned against him.”

Again I will not spoil it; but this seduction/love making scene in chapter 4 is as good as I have read. It builds slowly in its intensity until it is so sensual and engaging that the steam rises as you read.

A beautiful book in every respect. Backed unhesitatingly.

Sara. What a start...the decapitated head rolling out of the bag! Intelligent plot and though I haven't yet met Rebecca (upto end of ch2) I know what makes her tick , and also Domonic's motivation. Smooth pacy read. The kind of book that I would buy. Starred and W/L'd for now. Best of luck.
Babs

Good taut writing that keeps the reader engaged. Great premise for a novel because there is such a big racket going on esp. in South and Southeast Asia.
Would be better if you based it on a actual place-Myanmar, for one, Thailand, for another-Phuket comes to mind.
Also, do you think The Organ Dealer sounds better-um...maybe not.
But this is a very contemporary piece of work and should see a lot of interest.
All the best

A strong opening to an intriguing story. I'm not a big fan of prologues, but yours held my interest. I was happy to see the story start for real, and even more pleased to see how incredibly strong your writing is. Combine a good story with excellent writing and I'm hooked. Good work.

Gripping story-line right from the get-go. I was intrigued and horrified from the very beginning.
Backed!
Tracy
The Guardians

A professional quality thriller. You deserve the best of luck with this. Shelved. Jedward (Knut)

This is pretty good. I can see possibilities.

This book grabs you from the very beginning and holds your attention. I will now be left wondering, did he pull the trigger, or didn't he? More please! This was a great read and well worthy of a spot on a bookstore shelf.

Best of luck,
Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

Hello Sarah, This is truly a well written story, gruesome in its content but realistic. The opening chapter was the most tremendous hook. Who wouldn't want to read on...a decapitated head lying at someone's feet.
I would like to read on, but am running out of time. I am SHELVING this now with every intention of reading more. Good luck with this.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm (Perhaps you would take a look at my story)

Hi Sara really strong opening, the prologue lured me in and I had to read on. The second chapter is equally as good, I like the fact that you fill in a lot of Rebeccas history with dialogue between Anna and Dominic, I also like the fact that there are unresolved issues between her and Dominic, it makes for a thrilling read. You've painted her character without the reader even meeting her yet which is good writing. I've enjoyed this read so far no nits except for the odd bit of repetition but nothing an edit won't cure. It's on my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

[The Organ Grinder]
This is definitely one of the best books I've read here on Authonomy. I'm wondering what keeps anyone from publishing this, for the first chapters are very good. Start querying, girl. I'm pretty sure you will see this book in print.

Backed.

Peter
(A Shadow In A Shady Country)

Sara,
Intriguing pitch, smoothly written prose.
This is a well paced thriller.
Backed.
MickR - The Nightcrawler

There is nothing like a decapitated head to open a book with!
Great start, instantly captured my attention.
Then introduced to Dominic and his background with Rebecca.I usually hate a lot of backstory early in books but I think his musings on the plane are exactly right. We get a very good image of a strong Rebecca who is likely to be very different to the one he is going to meet. It sets up the juxtoposition well.
And I have to say, very good sex scene in chapter 4.
Yep you hooked me in.

Love the title! Truly!

Adding to watchlist will return a read today or tomorrow at the latest! :)

Sara,

Clever title and killer premise!

This is really well done. An intriguing prologue, I liked that you started the first chapter after what happened to Rebecca, dropping us right in to the middle of the story and action.

Shelved with pleasure!

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

Well written, topical, and a rollercoaster ride of a thriller! What more do you want on a miserable day in mid-winter? Magic! Jim D Serpent's Blood

Hi Sara. This feels like a serious thriller, and although the worlds you have entered into are diverse, each of them has a deep feeling of authenticity that only adds to the realism of the tension you have created. I wondered a bit about the 'standard issue rifle' at the very beginning - it sounds imprecise but that may be because I'm a former soldier. (At the risk of sounding pedantic but in case it's of use, the standard issue rifle in such a situation is the 5.56mm semi automatic rifle, the SA80. If I can be of any use in similar details, do let me know...) My own silly quibbles aside, this is simply excellent, hard core thriller - I loved it. All good stuff. Simon

Hi Sara. This feels like a serious thriller, and although the worlds you have entered into are diverse, each of them has a deep feeling of authenticity that only adds to the realism of the tension you have created. I wondered a bit about the 'standard issue rifle' at the very beginning - it sounds imprecise but that may be because I'm a former soldier. (At the risk of sounding pedantic but in case it's of use, the standard issue rifle in such a situation is the 5.56mm semi automatic rifle, the SA80. If I can be of any use in similar details, do let me know...) My own silly quibbles aside, this is simply excellent, hard core thriller - I loved it. All good stuff. Simon

wow wow wow.

backed.

Lorrii

Couple of things struck me in the first para: that she ran Dolls House so badly she managed to bankrupt the owner (am I reading that right?) and that she campaigned for the abolition of violence against women: 'abolition' implies getting rid of something that had previously been officially established - just an odd choice of word, methinks. Apart from that, your writing is vivid and clear, and the story idea is great. Shelved.

Keefie
Tybalt & Theo

Hi Sara,
I have read some of this before, I like it and can therefore say it's likely I've backed it at somepoint - I will pop it on my shelf to make sure, though.
For me as a reader, I feel this is a very professional job. Your characters are powerfully dranw, perfect for your genre.
It's pacey and gripping and I was happy to read on.
I'm not actually sure why it isn't *racing* up the charts, it deserves to.
I have no nit-picks and wish you the best of luck with it.
Sunnies,
AP x
(Matty McDuff)

I know I have read and backed this story before but my comment has vanished so I'm going to do it again

Shelved!

I thought this story was great first time around, I still do

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Went to your site to read this, Sara, while authonomy was playing up.

'A strange cocktail mix of fear and excitement' yes, off to a fierce start as we sympathise with the soldier's potentially deadly hesitation and the ghastly reality. Anna Harker, great character, older astute businesswoman, and then hard-edged Kane off to rescue headstrong Rebecca. But, Jeez 'one of her kidneys had been removed'. This is just terrific stuff, emotional involvement, family conflict, war, terrorism, and human organ trafficking. Coupled with fast-paced, professional writing, it makes for a breakneck read ... backed.

BTW thank you for your review and support of Stonefish.

Dear Sara,

The Organ Grinder - terrific. I had no idea this was going on. Either first hand experience or a first hand account of such atrocities must have galvanised you to write this story. You get into rivetting swing when it comes to action. Some chapters need a fine edit, but so do most texts here.
I jumped to the last CH you put online but, of course, you leave us with a cliffhanger.
Wishing you the best of success.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Sara,
You have a great plot, a story painted with vivid detail, and exciting characters. I love how you've combined romance with the thriller genre. Awsome job! :) Backed.
Jonathon

Solid writing. There is intensity, and the beginning chapters certainly draws one in. Evocative description and tight prose. Gorey.

BACKED

I read the last chapter and would recommend it to any reader. Obviously the story is well underway, but it was still easy to pick up the drift. The writing is tight, with a good balance of action and dialogue. The heroine is feisty to say the least and is a good counter balance to Kane, so that their relationship is dynamic. Even though it is a hotel scene, they is a lot of drama. And what a note to finish the upload on. Get out of that one, Kane. Backed.

Intriguing well-planned thriller. The tension you have created is second to none.

You have my vote and the cover is great too.

Best of luck with 'The Organ Grinder' Sara.

Melxx
When you have the time I'd love to hear your thoughts on UNICORN.

Exciting and dramatic premise--the reader can feel the passion of both Rebecca and Kane for their work and each other. This is good stuff and you are a good writer. The problem with thrillers is getting the backstory told and at the same time moving the action along. Chapters 1 & 2 are bogged down with backstory, some of it repetitive, some of which can wait until later. Harker should give him some info, Charles some more. Action, story, action, story. The backstory between Rebecca and Kane, and Rebecca and her brother, can wait until later. You want to get Kane down there and in some trouble. The prologue does not serve you. If you really want one, it should be a crisis scene with Rebecca or Kane. Much editing needed, but worth the work. You have lots of great raw material here.
Ruth
Amsterdam 2012

this really pulls you in and make you keep reading right from the start.
Character development is strong, story flows.

great job!

backed

Sarah, that's a wonderful cover and your pitches are very effective. A compelling opening chapter is just the start as the reader is introduced to the unfortunate Rebecca and the resourceful Dominick. By the end of chapter three I've seen evidence of your ability to write an action scene and chapter four brings a love scene of rare power. A successful melange of Thriller and Romance requires a skilful writer and you have all the talent to succeed with this book.
All the essential elements of a thriller are present: exotic locations, strong characterisation, action sequences and a plot that is both contemporary and realistic. There's a believable and well constructed romantic angle as well and this is a book I would enjoy reading in its entirety.
A very accomplished piece of writing. Backed.
Jared.

Wow, Sarah! What a good story and excellent writing! I really like the plot and can't wait to get to Chapter 3-too bad that I don't have time right now to finish, but I will get back to The Organ Grinder.

I'm loving this! I think my mouth is drooling from all the juicy writing! Intense prologue, amazing first chapter, and I already love all the characters. You've set them up wonderfuly! You definately have talent. This is a book already polished and ready for the press.
You've played with so many emotions already with the different level of characters you have. And I'm already rooting for Kane to save Revecca. You've set us up so we know there's going to be lots of conflict in the story and making us want to continue reading when we should be sleeping. I wouldn't change a thing. One of the best on this site. I'm jealous. Good job and good luck!

SD Gillen

Some of this work is quite chilling but never anything less than enthralling. The dialogue flows well, the characterisation is excellent, the story superb - everything is in place for a well-told, engrossing story. Great work and deftly-written. :)

Gripping prologue, I really liked the head rolling onto the soldier's feet, it was a nice touch. Your writing is solid and well paced and I can easily see myself reading well into this story. I have WL it for now with the intention of more when time permits.
Cheers Cam.

Great prologue - really evoked the scene at the border very strongly, and did the job of making me read on to the next chapter. The narrative is fluent, the story is complex and promises much, the story-world is in-depth and convincing, and from what I have seen so far of the characters they are very believable.

I was going to say this has a very strong chance of being published, and make a couple of recommendations, but I note it has already been published - so perhaps you're not inviting suggestions for improvement? I'll assume not but message me if you'd like to hear them.

Anyway, enjoyed and backed - quite fancy reading the sexy thriller now!

It may be sacrilege to some people but I love books that I can see making a film or tv drama and this does exactly that. I was drawn to this from the lead character being a journalist. An occupation we share. I've also heard a lot about organ trafficking. The kosovans did a nice business with the turks in harvesting organs from captured serbs all whilst under the protection of Nato forces. So i'm please someone is using it in a novel. You might have noticed I'm rambling and not critiquing the book, because I can't find anything to criticise it for or to even suggest any improvements. It's an excellent read as it.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Pacey, thrill packed brilliance...I don't know how I've missed this one until now!!!
Backed.

Hi Sara,
Congratulations on publishing your books! I'd love your comments on The Transformer.
In the meantime, I am backing The Organ Grinder. The first couple of chapters kept me on the edge of my seat! You have a wonderful ability to engage the reader and at the same time keeping the door open for anything!
Jane Cooper
The Transformer

Okay, bookstore read ch1..
No need to say the soldier had a standard issue rifle, unless he was something more than a squaddy (and you don't point to this).

"The truck stopped dead in front of him, but still some distance away"
Maybe "The truck stopped in front of him though it was still some distance away"
I have been commented on for using but, and, etc excessively, it makes it a better read not using them.

Where he shouts at the people to get them to take cover, maybe show rather than tell, put in some dialogue.
I would suggest more show and less tell throughout the first chapter.

Nit picks aside, I see it has great potential, with a little editing, you could really get the tension building and the action from the page and really thrust it into the readers mind.

JanB
Table for One

Talking about starting with an action scene… You’ve done a brilliant piece of work. Your writing is crisp, fluid and the story is well-paced. Excellent.

Easily backed.
Ana G. Ram

An interesting start - not with a bang, but with a decapitated head. Some issues with the punctuation - some sentences felt rather stilted, I wonder if you've ever read your work out loud? I do it a lot, usually when there's nobody around, so I can check my punctuation. A comma is a short pause, a full stop a longer pause. By reading aloud you should be able to feel where they need to go.
Backed.

Sara, you did a terrific job with your pen. This is a well planned effort. The continuity of the story flows ever so naturally. Sharp, sharp hook at the end of the prologue.
I think you need to shorten some of the paragraphs (split them where possible), and segregate some of the diaolgue from them. I truly believe this will make all your hard work easier to read and find you a larger audience. Hence, even more backing. Best of luck. Backed with pleasure.
Thomas J Winton (Beyond Nostalgia)

A gripping exciting story very well told. Kane is an excellent main character, strong and intelligent but also with emotions which he is not afraid to acknowledge. Rebecca, although at first we only hear of her through Harker and Kane's discussion, comes across at once as another strong character, someone who will take a determined moral stance, and will not allow anyone to prevent her doing what she feels is right. We learn of the emotional damage she suffered as a child, and feel that we know her already. Your Prologue is very powerful, with a compelling last line. Your style works well,and you are good at bringing your action to life. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

The decapitated head crowns the lead up in tension and atmosphere. Still, you pile on tension and an engaging storyline as we are placed in uncertain territory with impending danger. I felt involved, alongside the passenger in the truck, wondering whether or not to pull the trigger.
Your settings are particularly vivid. I could feel the heat as well as the constant sense of jeopardy. For a thriller writer, you seem to have your own voice and an eye for detail which makes both character and setting specially plausible.
Shelved
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This story is intense and intriguing and the writing is strong. You capture the readers attention and pull it along. Great work.

Well - decapitated heads tend to keep me reading. Your writing is assured and professional and I love your pitch. You don't overwrite (which is a particular bug-bear of mine. Whatever a bug-bear actually is...) I wish you the best of luck with this. Cx (Simon's Choice)

Straight into the action and some rolling decaptiated heads.... excellent. Some fab writing here and brilliant descriptions. Love the what the charactors are developing in chapter 3. Very good and backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Some beautiful descriptive writing, but there are flaws too. Some of the dialogue is stilted and long-winded, and a healthy scattering of commas would make this an easier read. But it is powerful stuff and makes for an interesting read. I'm backing this for its potential.

This is cool confident writing - with great pace, credible characters, crisp dialogue and - by the looks of it - a cracking plot too. What's not to like?
I have no crit to offer you - figure you seriously don't need anything I could say.
Cracking start to a thriller.
backed
Jane
WALKER

This is a very exciting thriller with all the ingredients in place to make it a winner: an up-to-date plot involving topical issues; a strong, but flawed male charcater who rushes to the rescue; and a damsel in distress, who turns out to be no weakling, but actually a fascinating character. It's written with confidence and immense skill, and deserves to do well. Backed with pleasure. Best wishess, Tony.