Book Jacket

 

rank 4623 (-118)
word count 45421
date submitted 13.07.2009
date updated 01.08.2009
genres: Fiction, Chick Lit
classification: adult
incomplete

Should have known Better

Nadine Matheson

 

This is the story of Lauren, Rianna and Maxine who endure a typical British summer where deceit and truth is brought into the light.

 

Lauren has devoted the past seven years to Clayton but has trying to convince her family and friends that she’s in the perfect relationship finally taken it’s toll? She’s supported him through his all his failed business ventures and infidelities; so why is she with him?



Rianna’s motto has always been it’s just me myself and I but has she finally gone to far? Rianna is suddenly confronted with the repercussions of her ‘free spirited’ ways. what exactly is her problem? Because there must be something wrong. Has her bi-polar disorder affected her life more than she thought? However, the revelations of family secrets finally help Rianna see her life with clear eyes.



Maxine has finally reached the top of her ladder. She is now a professional woman. She’s done everything that’s been expected of her. She’s got the right job, the the riverside apartment, the car and she’s even got the man; much to her mother’s relief. So what’s the problem? Will Maxine discover, before it’s too late, that doing what is expected of her will mean that she walks away from being truly happy.

 
 

tags

chick lit, contemporary, deceit, friendship, london, love, thirty-something, womens fiction

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13 comments

 

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paxie wrote 287 days ago

Nadine

I read your loaded chapter one........I like that I've met all three girls already.....I also like their individuality and strength, no self depreciating snivellers with big knickers.....

would have had......change to ......would've had... I think.....have had,,,,,together is too hard on the tongue...

Look at the words in commas, you dont need them....

She didn't think 'that' she could take much more of this, 'and' she was sure 'that' the neighbours curtains were 'already' twitching 'and that', their' fingers 'were' poised to dial 999.

You have a few redundant 'thats' and 'ands' I didnt note any more because you may not agreee...

Brilliant story, good luck......x

tamaraB wrote 288 days ago

Hi Nadine

this is a good story. I like the fast pace and Rianna seems quite fun but a little trouble makers.

Good luck
Tamara

aislingb wrote 404 days ago

This story has a good pace. There's lots going on here. Just be careful, the reader could get lost. Good dialogue and narrative. I suggest you break up the longer paragraphs to make it easier to read. Shelved.

pattimari wrote 410 days ago

I just WL'd your book because I liked the pitch and will begin reading soon.

Frantibes wrote 410 days ago

Hi Nadine,

I've read the first couple of chapters and I'm really enjoying it.
As you say there are spelling mistakes and a few other errors, but nothing that can't be sorted out and they're not as important as the fact that you have 3, fast paced and very interesting stories going on.

It's definitley a book I'm going to be reading more of so i'll get back to you as I finish more chapters.

Frances

PS I'm glad you took Absolutions advice about the pitch, it really needed breaking up. It's much better now.

Sheilab wrote 411 days ago

Hello Nadine
I like this. The opening chapter is very good indeed. Funny and fast-moving enough to make me want to read on. You set up all your key characters really well and I would definitely read on to find out how their stories progress.

On a minor point. You have several questions in your synopsis without question marks at the end. Sounds picky, I know, but I found this really distracting.
I have shelved this one.
Sheila

Absolution wrote 411 days ago

Presentation is important. You need to break your pitch into short paragraphs with whitespace in between. That way it'll read more easily, at the moment you have 'Big Bob Blurb' and it 'appears' hard work so the potential reader may move on.

You write well. You may need a general all around tidy up. We cannot avoid repeating certain words 'looked' is one of them. Save them where you can and you'll produce a better sentence.

Jason Rice wrote 414 days ago

Great start, great dialogue, I like the first paragraph a lot. You don't rely on "he said, she said" much...which is nice.

Dania wrote 415 days ago

Welcome to the site. Yours is my kind of read so I got into it quickly. I like both your lead characters: the good girl and the bad girl or are they?

The plot line is clear as well and the narrative flows well and a good edit will make it shine.

IMHO, the text can benefit from a little tightening up. For example:

“the incessant banging… over the last ten minutes” maybe “the banging on the front door and the shouting for Rianna grew louder”.

“It was those hazel green eyes that were staring intently at Maxine that had done it for her” maybe “the stare of those green eyes did it for Maxine”?. I’ve learned here on the site + in creative writing classes that such small changes can propel the narrative forward.

Hope you don't mind me making those comments but I figure we're all here for the feedback. Also, suggest you get a custom cover, it will help the book get spotted more easily on the site.

Glad to give it a nudge on my shelf. Good luck!

Dania (The It! Refugee)

Rodney Battles wrote 415 days ago

I'm backing this on the strength of the synopses and the overall writing. With a little tweaking, you should do well. I'll try to provide some more specific feedback later today or tomorrow. Shelved!

Rodney
Saturdays At Margie's Beauty Salon

Shinzy wrote 415 days ago

Hi Nadine,

Great opening.

For God’s sake(,) Rianna said to herself. I added a comma. I noticed a few other dialogues missing punctuation.

Loved the tension between Nathan and Rianna. Aw, she so broke his heart. Your characters felt real and your dialogue was spot on. I like your writing style, it smooth and easy to read, also love the pace.

‘What! You’re sorry for…?’ I would use a question mark after what instead of an exclamation.

Good ending to chap 3. Chap 4 is done in a different font. I would stick to the same throughout.

“Evening(,) daddy,” Use a comma when directly addressing someone.

Overall, I think this is a compelling story. It grabbed my attention and kept me glued. A good editing would fix some of the punctuation errors. Apart from that, it’s very well written.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

LittleDevil wrote 415 days ago

Hey listen... I saw this pop up on my newsfeed. Immediately it brought to mind Careless Whisper, one of my old time favourites. Now the problem is, I'm having grief with my internet connection and can't navigate away from a page. I've just looked at the blurb, and laughed my socks off. It almost sounds like someone I know. I would buy this book for the title and the blurb. So ... I am gonna back it. And when I get back on line with B.Band I'm gonna come and read.. and you better not let me down! :o) I'm usually a pretty good judge of books.
Wishing you all the best with this.
Sue (A Boy Called George)

The Bevster wrote 415 days ago

Hi Nadine,

Here I am - as promised!! This book was really easy to get into and I found myself getting involved with the story line and wanting to know what happens to the girls ;O)


Chapter 1


“With a man clearly not from the AA…” Funny line

I like how you introduce us to each character, giving us a brief outline of their relationship status (or not in Rianna’s case – the step brother??? Can’t wait to see what happens with that one!!)

Chapter 2

The observational stuff is good too…like the couple on the escalator (I’m sure they get my train to Liverpool too!!)

Lauren’s grumpy mood with Maxine is well written – she isn’t mad at Maxine, but they are obviously good enough friends for her to take her mood out on Maxine.

Chapter 3

Grenada is beautiful – not surprised Monica can’t let go!

Rianna’s “Work to live… spiel made me smile ;o)

You have some great characters - Rianna is a sassy, takes no shit kinda girl,
Maxine seems to be the most sympathetic, the listener and poor Lauren just seems in a mess!

You're on your first shelf girl!! ;O)

Love Bev x

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