Spoilt

First I would like to thank everyone who, read, commented on and backed my book. Thanks for all the positive and helpful comments.

Then for anyone who read all that was posted or read the whole book when it was posted. For those who asked for the rest because they wanted to know what happened.

Specifically: Lorri, Suzanne Burke, Kitcat (Judas Kiss), Vanessa Lynn, Kylrsmon, Ariom, LA Dale, mazzadonna, LaurenC55, Diane60, Eleanor Alice and Sharatona

Then there are those whose help has made my book what it is. First and biggest thank you goes to Laurie A Will who did a complete edit of my book and helped me strengthen my plot majorly. To her I will be grateful, always. JD (lots of kisses for you), Johnny Vee, PeteM, Steve Hawgood, mmcdonald64 (Mary), Jenny (gone now) and Melcom. And for help with my pitch: RitchieD, CCastle and Stella (ComedyQueen).

If I have forgotten anyone, I am sorry.

"Spoilt"

Ok - So you know before I purchase a book in a store I tend to read the first couple of chapters and if it does not capture my attention by then well it goes back on the shelf without another thought.

Yet I should have known once reading the prologue of this book I would not be lifting my butt off the chair till I finished all 26 chapters. By the way would love to read the completion of the book when the time comes.

This book about a killer obsessed with the past, his victims torutured to death in order to reach his ultimate goal well its suspense that keeps you reading, wondering what will happen next and "awww" cannot leave the fact that I love it when a romance is thrown in the mix of it all - so in saying that, I believe Joanne you've got great talent your book should be out there published and on the book shelf. I know I would buy it.

Backed with pleasure
Mazzadonna

Amazingly well written.
Smacks of a pro author.
It deserves commercial success, is probably one of the best books on here.
Good luck

JanB
Table for One

Ok. I need answers. I LOVE this book and need to know the end. this is not a want to know situation. This is a NEED TO KNOW SITUATION! I mean from the rest of the book you seem like a happily ever after writer but sometimes, even Disney sneaks in a tear jerker. BTW your writing is very professional. The voice is clear and that you can change from character to character is a remarkable talent. I am a 1st person kind of girl so anyone who has your gift amazes me. You should be published in no time.

Missy

The prologue is chilling, like the poetry of Hell - excellent work.
Then we're off, straight into the drama and the scene is set.
Some nice writing - good, believable rapport between the characters. The whole story put me in mind of the film 'Kiss the Girls', which is no bad thing. :)

The author makes us feel for her characters, as only good writers can. The contrast between the very human relations between the decent, ordinary characters and the insidious, hateful and hate-filled 'voice' of the killer makes for a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

This is a great, credible and thrilling read - the type of fiction which often makes for a superbly exciting movie; it already makes for a superb (and hopefully published) novel. Excellent storytelling, Jo. :) Backed, of course.

Simple and direct, takes us straight in, with no wasted words describing scenes (we all know what an alleyway looks like, and TV gave us the morgue decades ago). I like the choice of names and the dialogue. Only a couple of nitpics - 'around his hips', not about, a few missing hyphens (well-ordered, still-cold), and the first victim 'had been' not was - but I knew I wanted to follow this story by the end of the first section.
BACKED
Peter Wild
Double Action
(SAS-based thriller with a stronger romantic element)

When will it be available in print? (I don't want a Kindle.) I would totally buy it.

Hi,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hi,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

Hi Joanne,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

I hope this gets published soon because the suspense is going to kill me. I need to know what happens!

I don't usually go for this type of story but this grabbed me right from the start, I even forgot to look for mistakes. Great.

I like the first opening, better. We get to meet the main character and get a feel for what's coming, sort of building up to the discovery of the body. I love the characters and the robust descriptions and scenes.

In chapter 3, what kind of car? This helps describe the character and gives the reader something with which to identify. When Kate's sister is informed of her death, I would think one of her first questions would be, "How did it happen?"

Chapter 4 - It would be nice to have a description of Chelsea's home. If they are wealthy, there is a lot you could say, here, that would define her and her family, instead of just saying they were wealthy.

Chapter 5 - The sentence, "She was greeted by her family in various fashions.", doesn't do much for me. This seems too generic. And, "...devoured her awaiting breakfast..." gives me the vision of a wild animal ripping up its prey. You could put a bit more character into her. There are a number of opportunities to release the tired narrative and show us what's going on. For example: on Sunday, "After having breakfast the following morning, the sisters decided to do some window shopping..." Whenever someone "decides" to do something, that is a clue that it is redundant narrative. You could include this bit of information at the end of the second sentence: "...walking the streets and perusing the local wares, while window shopping." Here, you can delete the first sentence, since the second one states that the day is Sunday, and put their window shopping into the action.


I like the voice and the movement of the action. A good story that successfully mixes scenes and points of view, and keeps the reader's interest. The suspense is up and down with excitement and relief. Good luck with this.

Don't neglect final editing for punctuation...

theweed - "Where's The Ivy"

Sorry but I ain't got but one word for this book.

WOW

Who am I to get picky over such a good story - but in Chapter 6 (7 on the listing) there is one sentence (only one out of all I have read) that could possibly do with changing, if you haven;t already changed it. It is when Lucas first meets Chelsea. 'A moment passed and he seemed to, for a moment, stare before....' The use of the word moment twice in the same sentence. Seems to be wrong to me. Other than that, What happens next?
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - the Monkey Man

Excellent writing. Backed.
~LRM
Finding Beth

Really, really enjoying this book. Hope I will be able to buy it soon, I would certainly pick it up if I saw it in a shop. Well written. Don't know if you've decided which first chapter to go for but I like the version with the prologue. Good luck for the future.
Kristen Stone

Hi Jo

Just started to read Chapter 1 - the Prologue drew me in....

Backed ......would you do us the great service of taking a look at Marking Time?

Best of luck - Crispys sister on behalf of Chris

I only needed to read the first half of the first chapter to know I would pick this book out of a pile and buy it. Hope it does well. Good luck.

I really like this story.

I really like this story

You're book's title caught my attention. It's a great book.

Hi Jo,

Sorry it took me so long to return the read. "Spoilt" is one of the best books I've read on Authonomy so far, just amazing writing!! I hope to see it in a book store soon, as it truly deserves publication!!

All the best with your book and your future writing.

David

So very well-written. I was completely captivated the entire time I was reading it. I wish you the very best of luck, because this needs to be published so I can read the rest of it!!

First I would like to thank everyone who, read, commented on and backed my book. Thanks for all the positive and helpful comments.

Then for anyone who read all that was posted or read the whole book when it was posted. For those who asked for the rest because they wanted to know what happened.

Specifically: Lorri, Suzanne Burke, Kitcat (Judas Kiss), Vanessa Lynn, Kylrsmon, Ariom, LA Dale, mazzadonna, LaurenC55, Diane60, Eleanor Alice and Sharatona

Then there are those whose help has made my book what it is. First and biggest thank you goes to Laurie A Will who did a complete edit of my book and helped me strengthen my plot majorly. To her I will be grateful, always. JD (lots of kisses for you), Johnny Vee, PeteM, Steve Hawgood, mmcdonald64 (Mary), Jenny (gone now) and Melcom. And for help with my pitch: RitchieD, CCastle and Stella (ComedyQueen).

If I have forgotten anyone, I am sorry.

Congratulations Joanne. I wish you more success.

Oliver/The Last Day of the Last Spring

Very dramatic book...keeps you at the edge of your seat. Melanie

Well deserved trip to the editors desk, best of luck.

Congratulations on making the editor's desk!

Great way to pull them into the book. You can identify with Lucas and what he has seen.

A pacey and captivating beginning. It drew me in instantly and I wanted to read more. The dialogue was sharp, well observed and struck exactly the right tone for the genre. I will certainly read more and I hope it's soon published.

Jo

Congratulations on making the Editor’s Desk. Very well done!

My comment feels superfluous now but I found "Spoilt" to be taut, chilling (to the bone!) and well written.

Wishing you every success,

Geoffrey
In Pieces

Congratulations.

Joanne,

Congratulations.
I am pleased that I helped elevating your book to stardom.
Maybe you could help my book.

Avraham Anouchi
The Hidden Scroll

congratulations on your star

Congrats, Joanne!
~Linnette

Congrats, Joanne! All the best on the Ed's Desk!

Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Joanne Spoilt is very well written. I wish you would and I wish you wouldn't finish it here. I wish you wouldn't so I can buy it, when it's published, and tell all my friends, I saw it first. Well done. backed

This isn't really my genre, but you've done well here. There are a few points that bother me, but that's my personal taste. You have a habit of over modifying from time to time. It's not just a word, it's a "solitary word" and a "silent mantra." There are often more efficient was of saying these things. A word is solitary unless it is accompanied by other words, and I don't thing edifies mantra all that much.

A word often became his mantra. Focus was a trait that he had always fought with, sipping coffee to clear his head. He couldn't allow himself to miss anything.

... or something like that.

Anyway, I unfortunately don't have time to read more today. Good luck with the ED. Backed.

Steve
(The Shot)

Hello Jo,

I like the quick, analytic way in which you describe the scenes. This cleaves well to the genre, and moves the action quickly, and effectively. On occasion you reveal a little too much of the character through direct exposition (such as saying the coroner has a compassionate nature, or the sentences on Lucas, as he is being watched by Maggie). I think that this could be conveyed in a different manner (such as grime on his cuff, bristles, a photograph of a daughter he never gets out of his wallet anymore, etc,). These are smaller points, and easily disassembled and rewritten in your pointful, rhythmic prose, if you chose to do so.
A little more structurally (and this may be because I am not a fan of the genre) the opening of a policeperson being called to a murder worries me, in that I get the feel that it ties with a number of other openings. I think you have spun this away slightly with the spoilt bitch passage... and I do like the way you get to the action quickly... but I wonder if there is a way to seperate yourself from others. I'm not entirely sure about this, perhaps a genre fan really wants this beginning, and perhaps it is a motif of the area. I would be tempted, however, to see if anything popped into my mind that would grant more individuality. (Not, mind, to the writing, which is fine.)
I hope this helps,

Toby

ps, the font is great

Hi Joanne. I prefer the second version of chapter one, seems more immidiate. Backed.good luck on the desk. martin. RICK BUNION

Spoilt - Joanne Ellis

The interesting title and somewhat intriguing intro got me to chapter 1. After a slow start I was just about to put it down when I encountered a spark. The story line and character development involved me sufficiently to carry on to the next chapters.

Ellis is a decent wordsmith but the tempo alternatates between interesting and dips to below gripping.

More time and cultivation may bring this story greater readability.

I didn't like this book at first. Then i did and here's why for both:

The pace is off. It starts with a poem(?) that, to me is unnecessary and wastes time the reader could spend actuall inside the story. Then, when the story starts, there is a lot of attention paid to the lead's crappy emotional state but little illumination given as to what the cause of that state might be. That annoyed me and, usually, annoyance of that sort starts a very fast clock ticking before I put the book down.

LUCKILY, even though it's buried a bit, the true opening line of this book did its job. It hooked my attention and kept me reading past the point where I would have left had the book continued as before.

I gave it the normal three chapters after that and I'm happy to report that I can now back the book. I probably would buy it in its current form, chalking the wobbly beginning up to its being a first novel.

Incidentally, the first line of this novel, as I see it, is:

The victim lay face up, naked and brutalized.

Nothing before that line does anything for the story and everything after that line hold the attention in a vice. Just my thoughts, of course, but I'd look through the entire MS and make surgical cuts for pace. Cut everything that doesn't push the reader to the next page and this will be a literal page-turner.

Backed.

Im voting again- I think it's in the bag! BACKED. Liz The Cheech Room

My fingers are tightly crossed for you, JO. Go get 'em girl.xxx

I will back you again today! So glad to see you ar estill on the ED - well deserved!

Liz
The Cheech Room

A strong serial killer story steeped in vivid imagery and believable characters. The writing is very fluid and the story twists and turns ina race against time. the stakes are always higher when a loved one is threatened by a darkness with no conscience. Why don't these people just ring jeremy kyle with their issues? Because we wouldn't have such a gripping story. recommended.

So far, I've only dipped into the first few chapters, but you've set up an intriguing plot and I like the way you move from the wide focus on two women's horrific murders to introducing Chelsea's privileged, mundane, very middle class family life which might seem too banal to be of interest if it wasn't juxtaposed with the terrible certainty for the reader that the innocence of her family life is about to be disrupted by another murder. The questions you inject about Wes and about Lucas' background, add to the intrigue. I noticed the occasional glitch in expression but nothing an editor wouldn't sort out. All the best with this. Backed.

Jackie Ley (GIFT OF SPARROWS)

Oh! Backed by the way
Laurence The Cross of Goa

Harrowing start. You write very competently and with style. I can envisage this book being a great seller. I hope you make it! Good luck.
Laurence
The Cross of Goa

Hi Jo,

Thank you for giving me the privilege of reading the rest of the book even now when thinking of “Spoilt” I picture the sadistic killers wrist movements as he hold the knife as it carves into the victims abdomen. Fantastic how you manage to make the reader feel the action in itself of what was happening. I liked the fact that you went back and emphasised more in some of the chapters and that you left it open for a sequel (I hope).

So I fail to understand how your ratings have dropped as this is a gripping story keeps your readers captivated.
I truly hope HC take notice of what a fantastic writer they have on their hands and not to let you slip under the radar undetected.

Backing you again today and adding you to my watch list if thats what it takes to keep you in the top 5 so be it.
You definitey deserve it!

Best of Luck
Mazzadonna

This is a great story. Scary as hell, but irresistable...Backed

WOW really excellent story

Interesting pitch. Backed.

Goodluck.

Gabriel