The Men Who Ran Away

Mr. O'Dowd

I wonder if you have had any luck republishing The Men Who Ran Away. I looked for it on Amazon and could only one used copy from your old publisher, so I assume not. The reason I am writing you is that I have put together a website where I am promoting a small group of books that I enjoyed here, in addition to my own. I was you biggest supporter here, and you never, to my knowledge gave mine a glance, but I do not hold that against you. I would be honored if you would permit me to post an excerpt from your book.

Feckin' Hell. I dont know what to say. Seriously now. Every friggin book I come across on this website seems to be some kind of genius. This here is delightful. Delightfully morbid. And so fuckin funny. Okay, so I'm and Irish-American and I'm drawn to the craic. Still, the prose here begs to be read by everybody. Everybody, I say! I've only read the first chapter and I already declare this essential. Backed!

Slainte!

John

Long overdue I think. Thanks for being patient.

Running from the taxman. YEEHAW! Your prose is majestic, flowing smoothly as a velvet wind. Love the characters and situations. This here be a gem. WL.

Beautiful! For most writers (myself included) the weak part of their work is the prose. Your prose is cleanly written, seamless and professional. It's also descriptive and full of imagery. But what's most compelling is the characters and the situation. The MC's reactions are natural and human, and very easy to identify with while still tutting here and there. It's easy to see how he feels so lost in the foreign lands yet how he begins to get along.

Enthusiastically shelving after reading the first three chapters, and I hope to return soon to read the rest.

Top of the morning to ya, gent!

This isn't something I would normally read, but it's professionally polished, runs smooth like a good scotch; quite the storyteller you are with writing abilities. Proud to SHELVE to put this one on my shelf! I do look forward to your comments and possible backing of my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

The Men Who Ran Away:

From the opening paragraphs, three characters create a fascinating web. Scullivan, a drunken buffoon, taunts Bart, a sobering victim with the temper of a shrew. Then, between two extremes lies O’Hannigan, a simpleton offering the worst of both lots. Not only is the first line and effective hook, but the characters establish a need-to-know urgency, as well.

Some of your lines are a gem, both for their visceral strength and their timing, like: Someone hooted a horn at me and I backfired, burped and nearly splattered the dashboard with vomit. It speaks volumes with an economy of words.

Bart in chapter 2, offers a strained personality devoid of humanity, feelings, & filled beyond the brim with an unspeakable angst. Oh, what a year of guilt can do to one’s head. It represents the passage of time without telling. While it’s probably just me, the paragraph about, “My own kinds the worst,” took me out of the story. It took rereading the paragraphs before and after to get back into the flow.

It’s great to see a crack in the crusty veneer as Bart feels remorse, much like a breath of fresh air. And then there’s the dog. Heavy sigh …

Pulling off a narrative with little more than the protagonist’s thoughts is a challenge, but you’ve managed to create a fast-paced story. Bart is delightful, despite his stereotyping of everything and everyone. Dialogue is limited, but the various dialects and rhythms seem to compliment the various cultures and countries from which they originate.

Why isn’t this on more shelves?

Thanks for this, Sheryl. Such a tonic to get a real critic. And you found a spelling mistake too, on the first line! No, the first word! Pity the poor agents & publishers that have to read the likes of me. Can you believe that this muppet spent more time writing the pitch than I did on the novel?

It's so good to meet your sort. Everything you say is food for thought. Tnuth is good too, loved the opening but I have so much to read right now. It's on my shelf though. Has to be because I have links with both Ireland & Canada and I'm a sucker for opeings like that.

Good luck, and thanks again,

John.

The Men Who Ran Away...

Great partial...the voices are real and the situations are hilarious. Bravo!

Shelved enthusiastically.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

P.S. You might enjoy Tnuth (with an 'n')

The Men Who Ran Away...

Great partial...the voices are real and the situations are hilarious. Bravo!

Shelved enthusiastically.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

P.S. You might enjoy Tnuth (with an 'n')

The Men Who Ran Away...

Commenting as I go along, starting with your pitches, but take all my pitch comments with huge grains of salt because I'm severely pitch-challenged.

First, get rid of the spelling error in your short pitch, and the best way to get rid of it is to dump the word 'riotous' itself because it's a telling word, and pitch theory says that you show rather than tell (if you can get a famous person to say something about your novel, that's fine, but not until the last para, i.e., not in your short pitch.)

Second, I found both your pitches unclear in places. The only rule in writing or pitches that you ought not to break is the rule in favour of clarity. The rest are up for grabs.

The short pitch is sometimes called the "elevator pitch" because you imagine that you're in an elevator with an agent and you only have couple of sentences to tell the agent about your novel and get the agent to request a partial. So what's your novel about? I haven't read it yet, but I get hints that it's about two bumblers running away from a murder scene, chased by the police, a lawyer, the taxman and a ghost, but I'm not sure.

Two good sites for feedback on pitches and queries: agentquery and querytracker.

Reading on...

John, hilarious and true. Shelved.Lynn

John

I've been through fifteen chapters of this and it's holding up remarkably well. You've kissed the Blarney Stone, for sure. Your understanding of each job Bart has to do and also how he can fuck it up bespeaks personal experience. I love the way he'll take on anything regardless of his lack of skills and make a hash of it and still get paid. A real survivor. The scene with the Belgian "speech therapist" was wonderful. Sex should always be written up with a sense of humor, in my opinion. All the patois comes through brilliantly, no matter the country of origin.

The Men Who Ran Away

Hi John, You could be a genius, what an excellent opening line, it asks so many questions in the reader's head. The second line is pretty good as well and it kind of follows on from that. A great piece of literary fiction, not pretentious in the slightest, a genuine voice articulating the narrative of these wonderful characters. I was completely entralled for the whole segment that I read. I will try and come back and read more, dialogue is very realistic and the pace is great for a literary novel, I didn't notice any bits that dragged - Andrew W. (Sanctuary's Loss)

Very well written and a touch of a classic here. Backed

Another piece of work that I encountered on Authonomy that is well written and touches the heart. This is not usually my type of reading, but I like to keep an open mind on the literary front and found myself liking this very much.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Of mice and Men meets Far and away. This is actually quite touching.
Shelved

Hello John.
This is not my usual genre, but since you were kind enough to look at my book I thought I would return the complement. I enjoyed it and think it is well written. The scenes and characters are well described and the conversations are very believable. I don’t feel well particularly qualified to comment further given it's not my type of book. I prefer something that moves along faster. Nevertheless, on the basis I feel it is very well written, I am more than happy to give it a whirl on my shelf. Good luck.
Rheagan Greene - Unwelcome Reflections & Unwelcome Consequences (the sequel)

There is so much I like about The Men Who Rode Away. It is more than just a story. It is an experience. You get into the story from the very first sentence and keep us with it from then on. A pre-requisite for a best seller.
It is extremely readable. Story, characters and narrative style all come together and without the stitches showing. I predict it will go far.
I hope, by the way, if you look at my stories, you won't expect them to be the same. They are entirely different, but meant to be.
Good luck with it and best wishes. Phil. (Hallam's Ghosts)

Oh heck, this is fabulous. Not quite sure how I found you but glad I did. Your characters are crystal clear and the voice is quite quite assured. 'Go east until you come to mountains' made me laugh as did the idea of poor O'Hanogan realising he needed the shovel to fill in the 'grave'. Very assured, darkly comedic and I would definitely be up for buying this from a bookshop. I'll try to come back and read more when I have more time but for now I'm more than happy to put t his on my shelf and sure it will rise (unlike Scullivan!)......
Wishing you huge good luck with it - it deserves it.
Jane

Thanks for giving this your time. Yes, you're right, the story flips from past to present. I have now done a little edit to the chapter headings, so no more confusion, I hope.

I'm intending to leave it alone now, and let folk read it, and hopefully enjoy & shelve it. And I'm settling down to reading others, yours included. Chat soon. John

Just finished a couple more chapters and still enjoying it, though you seem to have 2 and 3 out of sequence. 3 takes place in England and 4 picks up where 2 left off in Germany.

Be that as it may the story about parting from O'Hanagan is very funny. With him turning up like a bad penny everywhere Bart goes.

More later.

Hi John,

Great start. I was intrigued and wanted to read on.

“Bart(.)” He laughed. I replaced the comma with a period since he laughed is more of an action than a dialogue tag.

Good characterisation and dialogue. The pace also adds a lot of energy to the story. Good narrative voice, it brought your character to life.

I read three chapters and have to say I really enjoyed it. It’s not my usual read but it grabbed my attention and not to mention it’s very well written.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

John

Just finished a couple more chapters and still enjoying it, though you seem to have 2 and 3 out of sequence. 3 takes place in England and 4 picks up where 2 left off in Germany.

Be that as it may the story about parting from O'Hanagan is very funny. With him turning up like a bad penny everywhere Bart goes.

More later.

I don't know how I stumbled across your profile, but the bit about you waking up with a sentence in your bed was what prompted me to read the first chapter of your book. And I wasn't disappointed. Great opening. Compelling plot and strong writing. Your prose is poetic without being weighty. Good job and good luck.

Hi John!

This is not normally something I would pick up to read, but it's so polished out of the gate, I can tell you're a great writer and story teller! The dialogue is believable, and your treatment of it actually has me reading it in accent! I'm glad to put this one on my shelf! Best of luck to you.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Dear John,
I saw your book mentioned on another site and thought I'd take a look. It was not time wasted. I loved every word, could find no mistakes and given time would have read on to the end. What else can I say? May I ask you to look at my books, one or both = Prides Crossing and Second Son. I really will value your opinion. Until I hear from you, best of luck with The Man Who Ran Away. I trust in time he will find some peace. Edie

I thought I was reviewing a book. Instead I was dropped into the head of a drunken Irishman and made to live his life until the author let me go. Really enjoying this, the banter is authentic and the characters convincing. On my shelf to read more. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

John,

This is great fun. Accomplished writing. Wonderful Irish brogue in the voice. I'm surprised no one has dug deep enough to discover it yet. One pecadillo, I wonder if the first sentence should not be "It wasn't me that killed Scullivan actually." It reads a little easier to my ear. I'd recommend you stop pressing the comment button on it because it's losing rank from the bottom instead of gaining. It's going on my shelf and I'll give it a heads up in the forum.

This was first published in paperback by a small outfit, Bastard Books. ISBN1-84346-018-1. Sadly, after selling out in Continental Europe the publisher died.