The Burning Clock

Great opening chapter. I read to Chapter 6. Waking up on the train: that episode is a splendid appetiser. You unfold the tale at quite a steady pace, with intriguing clues dropped in at just the right moments to keep the reader hungry for more story. Very well done indeed. I see many comments mention the YA market - I agree with them, but also, as someone has already said, this story will appeal to adults as well. I like this line very much: 'It was not the end of the world; it was only the end of August.'
There's not a lot else to say - The Burning Clock is a very good novel. Backed.
Bill Booker, Trippers.

Yup. I liked this very much. Between being dropped straight into the fray, and the added mystery of him not know who the girl was, or anything about himself or the fighting, I was glued to the screen. You presented this very well. It seemed that not a word was wasted in the effort. I thought your descriptions of the clock, through the various stages of the fire that engulfed it were done very well, and gave me an immediate impression that it is focal to his dilema. I think one of the things that worked well for me was your attention to small detail: the missing boot, her complexion, the mud on her face, his voice--him, but older sounding.

I think this story will hit your target audience right between the eyes. This is a great YA story, but I think more than just young people could read and enjoy this. I know I did.

Gerry
Dropcloth Angels

Very well constructed and presented pitches work well, good cover too. The opening chapter is excellent, a strong start in a ferocious storm, packed with intrigue and you use questions and short comments very well to raise the reader’s urge to find out more.
‘This is it’ – ‘This is what?’ – ‘So it ends’ – ‘Mankind’s time is up.’ All very well done and then, the final line of the chapter – ‘And the world ended.’ That’s just about as good an opening chapter as I’ve read for some time, perfect for a YA readership.
You write very well, develop the youthful characters in particular with an adroit touch and the story enfolds well while retaining that sense of mystery. In chapter five, Jen says to Charlie, ‘You’re not as ordinary as you think’ and your readers will nod their heads in agreement , there’s so much more to come from Charlie.
Very likeable characters and a good story, youthful figures that a YA audience can relate to engaged in a struggle to save the world no less. Backed.
Jared.
Mummy’s Boy

not my usual genre, but a good story with a good foundation....
j

A good read. I was pulled through the book, wanting to know what happened.

I particularly liked the way you got hold of the essence of the Lake District, and the strong imagery and language at the beginning. The chapters flowed well into each other.

I do have a few points to make though - just how I felt personally.

I got confused about the Holloway name. I wasn't clear that Charlie's grandfather wasn't his blood grandfather, so when the young George appeared, I thought you had made a mistake.

The phrase 'One True Power' - how can I put this? - to me is too redolent of Robert Jordan.

I found the anti-smoking emphasis a bit strong for the age group that I assume you are aiming at.

In Ch. 19 on the bus out of Penrith, Izzy "spent the journey sending and receiving a series of text messages", and yet we are told she has no friends.

When Alex is killed, Charlie and Izzy take the time to move his body, and Izzy sings over it - would they do this while Dr Afriel is still fighting for his life?

I think it would be helpful if you made it clear that this book is the first in a series.

I would definitely buy this book. Best of luck.

Feudor.

Wow, talk about being dropped in the middle of the fray! This is an exciting opening that will make any reader delve further to figure out what is going on, and why, and how will it end. Great hook opening! You write well, and very descriptive. I noticed in the first paragraph or so you had "slop" and I think it was supposed to be "slope". Giving you high stars! Good luck with this!

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

BURNING CLOCK
This story has a dramatic beginning: how many other books begin with the world ending? I like the way it then shifts to Charlie as a teenager; the way he’s catching a train to leave for school made me think of Harry Potter, and that’s good because you’re aiming this at a Harry Potter age audience. Your writing style is crisp and clear Made this easy to read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hello David,

I was rearching for something I like the look of to read, liked your blurb so picked out The Burning Clock. I’ve read four chapters so far, and I think I’m going to like the story. I jotted down a few notes as I read. Here goes, though my comments are only personal opinions, I’m not a professional editor!

The opening was extremely evocative, lots of imagery, but very long sentences. For example, the first sentence of the second paragraph is nearly four lines long.
When the Storm speaks ( the bit from: ‘The world’s on fire there’s a storm in heaven.’) it doesn’t seem appropriate for it to use contractions like you’ve and you’re etc.

Although I like the opening, the sentences are generally speaking far too long, and there is perhaps too much imagery; I found myself getting lost in the meanders of some of the sentences.

Opening sentence of chapter 1 is also too long.
I think I’d rework the section with the station manager, since she would surely have known the destinations of all the trains going through her station.
‘There was a girl stood on the far platform looking at him.’ That should be ‘standing’.
Too much talking after Charlie’s caught in the carriage door. There wouldn’t be time for witty dialogue. This part was rather reminiscent of Harry Potter but in a nightmarish way. The darkness and solitude give it a dreamlike quality – another reason I think for leaving out the rather down-to-earth station manager.
Jen seems to light up rather more often than your average fourteen year-old. Maybe one ciggy would be enough?
The conversation between Jen and Charlie is mainly explanatory, so you don’t tell the reader much about their respective characters. I made the same comment about the scene by Mia’s car. There’s too much standing about gas bagging when there’s only a minute to get inside the school.
The description of the joy riders is a bit drawn out, and it gave me the impression that the incident was more important than it turned out to be.

My overall impression of what I’ve read so far is that you write extremely well, you have a lovely grasp of language and imagery, but (like me, I have to admit) you don’t know when to stop! It’s true that often less is more and we have to prune out some of our cherished images. It’s tough, I know, and I’m a serial offender. The same is true of the dialogue. It needs tightening up to keep it realistic. Charlie had time to be crushed to a pulp by the gantry three times over while he was exchanging quips with Jen. It’s only my impression, but I think the action would flow better if you cut some of the cackle as they say in old films. Anything that doesn’t advance the plot or the characterisation should be treated very firmly. Instead of giving such detail about the Sight, maybe you could give us a bit more to flesh out the characters of Charlie and Jen, who haven’t become very tangible for me by the end of the fourth chapter.
I enjoyed this story even though I wished you’d crank it up a bit, and it is always a (rare) pleasure to read such beautiful and evocative language. I’m going to give it high stars and put it on my watchlist to read more later.
Best of luck with this.
Jane

Wormholes
The Dark Citadel

While it needs some polish, the opening description created a vivid image in my mind; there was some powerful language in there.

"One single" doesn't work for me since they mean the same thing. Why not "a single" or just "one?"

Should be: "what little he could see of the sky was ugly" since "little" is the subject and it's singular.

I'd consider breaking up the sentence starting "the hill didn't matter." It might have a greater impact as short, choppy sentences.

While most of them are used correctly, you are quite semi-colon and em-dash happy in the prologue. It feels repetitive. It made your writing feel predictable at times. I'd consider using these sparingly.

Is it a "dark sliver of light" or a "dark silver light?"

Liked this: "It was as sharp and incisive as a surgeon's scalpel cutting through flesh."

This should be in past tense, not past perfect, "...Charlie's emotions had been a whirling..." It should be "...Charlie's emotions were a whirling..."

As I mentioned, your descriptions are powerful, but when Charlie's talking to the Storm, they started to become unnecessary. I wanted to hear the conversation and have it flow realistically, but it was bogged down with more description. I'd consider trimming some of this; much of it was unnecessary.

Loved the line: "You have known me; you will know me. I am the bringer of endless night. I am the darkness that has fallen; I am the unanswered questions; I am the war. I am everything. I am the Storm."

Great final line to your prologue.

"...stepped out down from a train" doesn't sound right. I'd toss one of the prepositions.

When Charlie talks, he sounds a little older than fourteen. You might try to make him sound more like a teen so he's more relatable. In fact, Charlie's age is a bit young for young adult, which would likely put this as upper MG, but by the end of the first chapter, it feels more like YA. A MG audience might find it difficult to connect with Charlie.

Liked: "Grayrigg," he corrected as the door slid shut. "That is, Lowgill. I mean--"

As you can see, my comments are mostly nitpicks. I thought this was well-written and intriguing. I like the story you're developing, and with a bit of polish here and there, I could easily see this being published. Great work!

I hope that you take this small criticism as a bit of advice, but feel free to ignore me because I'm obviously no expert. In places there seems to be a little too much description. Most of it is beautiful, and it helps me to really visualise everything, you have a fantastic imagination. But I sort of feel like if you trim it down a little, the really good ones will pop even more. It's like you have some precious stones mixed in garden of pebbles, and the precious stones would be far more special if some of the pebbles were gone. (That's a truly terrible example, but you get the idea).
That being said, you have a great narrative style, I really enjoyed what I was reading and didn't want to stop. I don't think you should lose your voice, just edit it a little bit. But again, feel free to ignore me.
Your pitch is great and I'm going to back you because I loved what I read and I can see this going far.

Best of luck

Luciana House
'Burning Angel'

Oh now this is fun. Great feel good factor to this. Bit like Harry Potter only with more depth. Charlie is a very believable character. Sometimes YA writers get so caught up in the amount of different elements that go into writing in this genre that their characters pay the price. You don’t have the problem. I really felt I knew Charlie by the time I was finished reading and that was my favourite aspect of your story. Oh and the seriously snappy pace, all just great. Sorry I know this comment is no help, but I just can’t find fault here.
Janny

Young adults will absolutely love this! Happy to BACK you. Hope you have a chance to take a look at our book, Dark Side. Good luck to you.
ccb1

Very creative writing it really drew me in and kept me there. I am about midway through and completely plan on reading the rest of this! It was a great plot line so far. As far as previous comments for YA goes I'd say this story is sitting in the middle. Can't wait to finish it good going keep up the good Writing.

Vicki
Away To Freedom

I wasn't keen on chapter one either (after reading other comments) I found myself reading about people I had nothing invested in. Obviously we only just met them, but I needed something. I had it in my head that here were two children off to school, but then she lit a cigarette and I had to re-draw. There's a lot of corridors and compartments and settling in, and we have no idea who they are. After this, however, I moved on to chapter two, and also read a couple from further on, where the story is established. Here I enjoyed the read - a good old fashioned fantasy where lots of mystery combines with modern day, with all the ingredients for chills. The old house, the stopped watch etc. It's tremendously long - a real achievement - have you had any comments on the length? Shall read more and comment again.
Cariad.

Dear David,

What a great atmosphere. I feel like it's a cross between The Dark is Rising and Harry Potter. I've read the first eleven chapters (I meant to stop after ten, but couldn't!) and hope to make time for the rest later.

I hope you don't mind if I correct your Latin.

"Shelter from the storm" should be "tectum ex tempestate." (The preposition "ex" is followed by the ablative, whereas "tempestas" is nominative.)

"Friendship for all time" would likely be something along the lines of "amicitia in perpetuum" or "amicitia in aeternum." The phrase "amicitia pro totus vicis" doesn't mean much of anything, I'm afraid.

This is an absorbing story. I kept finding myself thinking about it and wondering what I'd read about in the next chapters. Charlie is very likable. I think the characters, the plot, and the atmosphere are all perfectly targeted towards young adult readers, but hold appeal for other age groups as well.

Anneka
The Last Witch of Valland

hi David, thanks for continuing to back my book. I've only had the opportunity to read your first chapter but liked what I read immediately. I particularly like the imagery of the burning clock and what that means about burning time/the future etc... Couple of constructive comments - page 1, "A cry from nearby interrupted his thoughts." You've already demonstrated that with the broken prose and the dash at the end of the previous paragraph, no need to tell the reader what you've already shown them. Page 3 - can you "pound on the floor" of rock? The image jarred a bit. I like the bit where the evil one appears and says this is the end, more or less, very dramatic. And I like the end of the chapter - fabulous hook for the reader. Good luck with it, Kerry M (Her Soul To Keep)

The Burning Clock.
As so many comments have already been made, I assumed the first few chapters would have been read many times and decided to read chapter 5.
Chapter 5 - Nice sense of urgency in the opening paragraphs. I like the awkwardness Charlie suddenly feels about asking Jen, what he thinks is a personal question. A good non-smoking message slipped in for readers.
Liked the description of how the pyschic connection between Charlie and Jen worked, when she sense impending danger.
Charlie comes across as a thoroughly likable, sensitive young man, which is shown bu his reaction/thoughts about Jen's distress over the dead rabbit.
Dar War - Dark is so often used for baddies or evil - with your imagination is shouldn't be difficult to think of something more orginal that still converys the same meaning - something archaic perhaps.
An info dump to explain Sight and how it works, is cleverly avoided by including it in ongoing dialogue.
The pitch has more than a feel of Harry Potter about it.
Fluidly written with realistic dialogue. Despite not having read preceding chapters, Charlie and Jen's personalities appear to be nicely rounded, making them believable characters and the first hints of a growing bond between them comes across well. The pace, fast at the beinning slowed, in accordance with what is happening, and I have no doubt about the author's abilities to adjust this, when and as, events in the ongoing story dictate.

Nanty - Chrys!

David,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a non- stop moment by moment narrative every event is a dangling act promising the next to have the same fever....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is when you get down do describe; the non stop, concrete, visual, down to your knees, moment by moment description that sets up a string of images onto the reader's mind that keep flashing in cinematic style.

......that is what creates the fever.....

......and is what makes your narrative work....


Some of my favorites:

"jutting out of the bloom"

"curtain of orange"
why?
because when you say curtain of orange you allow for the reader to fill in the picture
that is...you evoke

"both were falling. The clock was falling"
the repetition adds urgency

"puddles of mud"

"the girl's eyes....."
This entire paragraph is your personal best so far...
why?
because is concrete, filled with descriptive imagery...is "on the go" creating visual urgency on the reader

"She was, he estimated..."
again this paragraph works for the same reason

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

"enormous field" "colorful lights" "quite clearly" "colossal thudding" "massive burst"
I would cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

you are at your best when you use body language and concrete language to describe.
The minute you start throwing modifiers, confetti like, the screen you set up for the reader to watch the images pass bye

.....goes blank

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Wow! Amazing first chapter. Im enthralled! Full of intrigue, action and mystery. What is going on? So fast paced and the narrative is written extremely well. Love it. Will read more when I have time. This book is backed :)

AM
The Mark of the Thirteenth

Wow - what a powerful opening chapter. I couldn't not read on after that!

Love your storyline, characters, climax with 'The Burning Clock' itself and then a lighthearted, relaxed ending - which I think is really good for a children's book so they can really understand that the world have returned to normal again.

Back with pleasure and I wish you all the best.

Clare Morris
The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm

It's kind of interesting that you haven't had a comment in over 6 months. Did you put the book away for a time? It is mildly reminiscent of Harry Potter but not the same. You are a very good writer and there is plenty of intrigue in the first two chapters to keep the reader engaged and guessing. Since your book is on the 'recent works' list that means you have edited it or you want to draw fresh attention to it. I like it well enough to put it in the one temporary slot I have. I wish you well with it.

Herschel Shirley
Earth Reaver & The Jaded Throne

(My apologies: I just realized not all your comments are in date order. I see you have been very active or late. Good for you.)

Hi, David. I tend to give forthright comments. I read the first two chapters to my daughter tonight and she wasn’t too keen on the first chapter. She found it too wordy and confusing, which I had to agree upon. HOWEVER ... she did really like the second chapter, and I agreed. Personally, I think you should start from the second chapter, because it allows the reader to get to know Charlie better, which you have done here, and it also gives us a bit of the dream through his thoughts when he wakes up.

My daughter liked Charlie's character, and thought it was amusing that he spoke to himself through his thoughts. She also liked James’ description of Charlie-she preferred Jame's version over Emma's because she found it funny (the horror actor reference). She also found the suitcase incident with the old dude funny.

Overall, she thought the concept of your story was cool and was keen for me to read on.

Nitpicks: There was some word repetition which can be edited out.
Eg. (In Chapter 2)
Your line: Charlie was full of questions, but his father raised his hand. ‘I know that you’ve got a lot of questions...
Suggestion: His father raised his hand. ‘I know that you’ve got a lot of questions...
*You don’t need the first bit because his father tells us this in his dialogue.

Another example where you can cut back on words:
Your line three paragraphs up from the bottom of chapter 2: ...feeling suddenly as if he would never see his parents again. Although he had a photograph of his parents...
Suggestion: ...feeling suddenly as if he would never see his parents again. Although he had a photograph of them...
Typos:
Your line: Maybe not all at once, but you things will be a lot clearer and hopefully a bit less scary.’ *A stray “you” has gotten in there.
Your line: ...battered old suitcase old suitcase at his feet as he waited for a train. *Take out the second “old suitcase.” (It's about 10 paragraphs up from the bottom of chapter 2).

That's it. If you want to ask me anything about what I've said just message me. All the best, Marita.

David,
Have read the whole 35 now and it is the beginning of a great series. As said before well rounded characters and exciting story and very well written. Enjoyed it a lot Thanks for sharing the whole thing!

:)
Diane

Striking and different. The opening powerful image of the burning clock and the pursuing girl might have worked better as a short prologue before plunging us into the action, maybe ending at "And so it ends." Nitpicking of course, as this is rich material, so rich that a gradual immersion might be helpful.
Happily backed.
Kevin

David,
So far have read 5 chap it is beautifully constructed,characters fully 3D and dialougue which is natural. A genre somwhat 'overdone' at the moment this is refreshing and reads well. Like a lot. Will continue on my journey...
:)
Diane

I'm a sucker for these kind of books. :) You've written this very well, building the tension and the suspsense masterfully from your very first paragraph. I disagree with a previous poster-- I don't think you have overdone the descriptive prose. As anyone who writes or follows current YA fiction knows, the books are getting longer and longer due to an increase in that very thing. Teens eat it up.

Well done. I'm backing it with pleasure!
Cori

The Burning Clock - A fantastic opening chapter. The descriptions are vivid, the tension cranked up to the max until the last word. One sentence stands out in particular - 'as if a giant curtain of orange and gold had been pulled behind every window and was now bursting out through the shattered glass.' Wonderful.
Of course this pace could not be sustained and chapter two deliberately applies the brakes. Here the reader learns about Charlie's background, while Charlie learns why it is necessary for him to go to Grayrigg School. My feeling on this chapter was that too much information was given here that could easily have been let in later. Similarities to Harry Potter are blatantly obvious and that is a real shame. If this book had found its way onto the market before JK Rowling's it would have been a smash hit because the author writes far better than she ever has, in my opinion. For the excellence of the author's ability I am backing this book and hope he will find his way to a publisher with a more original story in the not too distant future.

Child - Atramentus Speaks

David,
Just read the first 2 chapters. Between the dream and the mystery of Grayrigg, the reader has no other choice but to continue reading. Best of luck.

The first chapter is great, wow what an opening. I'm looking forward to reading on to chapter two to find out where this is going. I felt it was a little heavy on the description for a YA , I firmly believe in giving a little and then letting the readers imagination fly vs. putting everything out there for them, but none the less, I liked it. Can't wait to keep reading! Will comment again as I read more.

Potent and powerfully descriptive imagery takes this work to a high in the opening paragraphs -- and it does not let up. Graphic and vibrant in narrative , it slackens a little when dialogue appears but the impetus is regained as the work progresses. Some tweaking required, to make the dialogue pertinent, credible and move the plot forward, but nonetheless an MS that exudes potential. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Great use of words, evoking wonderful imagery. Blelievable characters, and a well thought out plot. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Brilliant opening chapter - if I was about 12 I'd be reading this under the bed clothes. Good luck with it. Ceeds

A very intriguing opening that will draw your reader in. This will definitely appeal to the YA audience. Shelved.

Leigh
If you have time, please consider taking a look at "Lies That Bind," also a YA novel. Thanks!

The pace puts the reader straight into this well written and descriptive work.
Your characters are well drawn and likeable and I am sure the younger reader can relate to them and be engrossed in your writing just as I found myself to be.

Jane

Sports and drama fanatic Charlie is faced with his own personal drama, when he is transferred to Grayrigg school in Scotland. Charlie semed reluctant to go, but his father had made a solemn promise, and it seems it's in the family heritage, for him to attend there.
Dressed in his jean jacket and trainers, Charlie must be very eager to impress everyone at his new school, instead of laid back in some neat school uniform type clothing. He meets another pupil of Grayriggs on a station platform, in formal attire of Doctor Martin boots she looks positively resplendent. I'm sure the staff and pupils at Grayrigg, will be sufficiently inoculated before they get there. I really like where this story is going, will we see the rough heads from the comprehensive save the day.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility
Chapter two: When you get there, you'll understand maybe, not all at once, but you things will be a lot clearer... (but for you things will be a lot clearer.)

A very gripping read, reminiscent of The Dark is Rising

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Nice style and pace. You fit really well into the genre you are writing. One of things I like about the book is that it is to the point. You do not use any wasted words. A hard feat to do when writing fanasty/YA. Backed.

Good well paced narative. Could find a readership among those who still yearn after Harry Potter. I think this will be snapped up.
Backed.

like the concept of this, it plays on many themes while focusing on a strong coherent story with multilayered characters who are about to discover fate has a new destiny for them, very good indeed

David,

This opens with a bang and doesn't let up from there. You've got a brisk pace that carries your reader along effortlessly, and I'm really enjoying myself as I tear through each chapter!

Nice work! Backed! Looking forward to your thoughts on Head Games!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Wow, great first chapter! Loved it. The title and pitch is great . . . the plot, unusual and shouting, "read me, read me already!
Nice writing skill here.

Suz

There is some excellent young adult fiction on here and you are amongst the best, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Dear David,
I think your pitch is excellent and your cover art fantastic! You have a creative theme that will definitely appeal to young readers!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

This was a great read. wonderful first chapter. Best of luck with this.
Backed!

Melissa Nielsen
The Guardian and the Book of Souls

David,

Well written very smooth, and effective.
Charlie is a great character. The first chapter is a great hook.
I think you give the premise a new twist with the weather element, I like that touch.
Great Job!
Backing !
Sammy Suttton
King Solomon's '13'

Your opening line hooked me. Charlie is likable and well-rounded. Your descriptions are vivid. For example, your description of the girl following Charlie up the hill in the opening scene. You enhance your narrative with apt metaphors like 'as if a rentless, unstoppable flood was falling out of the sky' and superb similies such as 'like pale, frightened eyes.' Your dialogue reads authentic and enriches your story. Your world-buliding is thorough and stunning. Your quick pacing kept me riveted. This is captivating YA fantasy, masterfully executed. Backed.

You do a wonderful job in creating a mood of disorientation, panic and dread here. You give us many details to keep us wondering, as your characters are, just what the heck is going on--he isn't even sure how tall he should be or where he is, the malfunction of time and the mysterious unknown yet knowable girl. In general, I would say that it could be tightened up a bit to make a bigger impact. Your pitch is incredibly succinct and well done. Use that mentality and clean up some of the descriptions of the setting, some of the parts where you tell us what they're thinking and seeing. Some of it is a bit repetitive; some is too wordy. But the writing itself is quite strong; I just think it could be more effective if it was sharpened up, and it would make the pace more urgent too. Great job though.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi David, This is an action packed novel from the attempts to reach the top of the hill, the explodingof the four face clocks and the stopping of time to his different experiences at Grayrigg. Extremely descriptive! I BACK the novel. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Your storyline here is quite compelling, and the pace and voice of the writing bring it along well. The one critique I've got is to watch the number of sentences you begin with a pronoun. In one paragraph of chap. 1, every sentence but one begins with 'it'. If you can find a way to recast a number of those sentences, the writing will have a better variety of sentence structure, and the dynamism of the writing will better match that of the narrative. But that being said, overall the development of your premise and story are really well done, and I'm happy to back you.
Craig
The Job

Absolutely brilliant first chapter! Vivid and filled with mystery...and a great punchline to grab the reader and haul him and her onward.

Happy to back indeed!

Elaina
Gathering of Rain

david, vivid descriptions attached to the sounds of the action make this different, backed, JohnWarren Lasting Images, Please review, jdub

Your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted fantasy adventure a most enjoyable read. Your character development is excellent, especially that of Charlie, and your use of imagery is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted fantasy adventure a most enjoyable read. Your character development is excellent, especially that of Charlie, and your use of imagery is superb. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning