The Whore's Companion

I know that it isn't but this, for me, has a very 'spaghetti western' feel to it. I think you have a gift for the gritty style in which you write, making the atmosphere and the characters that are in it sinister without being exaggerated. A testament to your writing prowess is that the slow pace of the story does little to dampen the tense feeling present when I read it. You capture moments with such well-chosen words, describe details with real tenacity, and somehow, you make it subtle. It feels like being knocked over by a wad of cotton wool; completely unexpected.
Congratulations of such a fine book, and I hope your talent gets the success it deserves.

Andrew

Ed, what a great opening sentence - cosiness with a deadly sting in it. A cassic crime story with all its twists and mysteries, and a commercial one. Hope it does well. Shelved.
Lynn

Revenge after so many years was what Juan wanted. He retrieved his gun from their hiding places and executed the supposed murderer of his parents, but then he is nailed by the whore’s companion, at least that is who Juan thought “pressed the burning steel of the handgun’s barrel into his right temple.”

Later, the murders were thought to be committed by Juan, who then killed himself. Inspecter Fernandez investigates the crime and does not feel it is so clear cut since it made little sense why Juan would kill himself.

This is a nicely written crime story with excellent description and entertaining dialogue. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far and want to find out what really happened. You are shelved.

Ed
I've started and I am enjoying it. The writing style is very mature and you are letting things happen at just the right pace. I will back the book and carry on reading
mike

Thanks, Janvier, for your continued support for The Whore's Companion - will get back to you after reading more of The Flash of the Sun. Take Care, Ed

Hello Ed,

i like stories wrapped around history and events and your brilliant portrayal of that disturbing era of Spanish history and how it got an Octogenerian on the path of vengeance makes a compelling read.Expressive and engaging, this well-written story has all the right elements of characterization, setting, plot, pacing, dialogue and narrative. Ireland comes out as a brand that holds a great deal of appeal. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Love this. An 83 year old going for a little revenge. Reminds me of a Soparnos episode - different genre, sorry. Love the setting. Just went to Andulacia (sp) for the first time this summer. And noticed some Spanish references - like chorizo (those Spaniards love their ham), and Salamanca (love that city). Juan Gonzales seems to know what he's doing - he picked the right order to kill them. But a monkey wrench is thrown into the mix at the end. Was he set up? Great - love this. And in chapter two, Sofia's family seems completely clueless. Wonderful. Backed with out question. KJ

Bloody brilliant! I read your first chapter here and was immedaitely transfixed! Sure I write in the same genre and I am biased but this is good stuff. I even use the same locale in my book, actually Algecira, Espana - the land of my birth.

My only niggle is in the first section has too many He's to start paragraphs. Besides that, this is ready to publish. I certainly would buy it. SHELVED!

I do look forward to your comments and possible back of my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

I really enjoyed your first chapter... but I'm not really sure how to define your book. Being a mere ignorant Australian, I have to confess that I know nothing substantial of Spanish history. So your book was not only a story for me, but an introduction into a way and time of life of which I know nothing. Still, you have a great pitch and a great hook, and though I could see some areas where you need a little editorial work, I shelved on the basis of a strong storyline. Best of luck to you. L.x

What a fine and for me unexpected hook at the end of the first chapter. That was enought for me to 'turn the page' and keep reading. Crime is not my usual read but I was drawn to it by an usual plot. I have been kept immersed in the story which has to be good and I sense this is going to be a well written intriguing book. Need to read on but meanwhile happy to put this on my shelf. Margaret.

Ed

This makes for compelling reading... Not usually my type of thing.. But I have to say, i enjoyed it......I do think mentioning the fact in your pitch that the old man kills himself 'or supposedly does' is a bit of a spoiler.....

It's a fantastic end to your third chapter, spoiled by the fact that I wasn't surprised.....

You use the word 'that' quite often when its not needed........ I only noticed, because I had and someone told me. Now I see it everywhere, on the back of shampoo bottles, the lot !!!!

Backed with pleasure...x

I am sorry to be so long to comment on this excellent book. Gripping and dramatic with a great story line. all in all a really good read. glad to have backed it.

Hi Ed,

You have set up the story well......very engauging and lots of action to keep the reader involved.

Just note
'...had those same beguiling eyes ...' take away the comma after same.

If you are dating it June 2009, then i would either remove the 'during the siesta' as it is not an established custom anymore, unless these people you are talking about actually take siestas and you would then say 'their siesta'. Otherwise sounds too cliched.

This is a fascinating read which gives an insight into a killer and the workings of his mind.

I am not sure of the line 'smell the urine that trickled from their hysterical bladders.' I feel it goes against the previous tone you have set so wonderfully in your opening. This reads like a spoof of assassin literature...i feel that it's almost like misplaced humour. Just my feeling.

The part where you mention the whore's companion 'arranging' the rocket launch...i don't think you need to write 'When the explosion of the rockets ricocheted off the hills....' I got the idea from earlier in the paragraph. I would remove this.

Ed, i am placing this on my shelf, as i feel this has great potential.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

"...at eighty-three, Juan was thankful to have the opportunity to kill one last time."

Hey, this is pure class.

You can tell from a mile away.

Sorry, just haven't got any crit for you.

Nice work, well done and congratulations.

Great, gripping material and writing. Your knowledge of the Spanish Civil War, combined with your your ability to write taut, thrilling drama, make this a terrific read. I can only assume, from your book blurb, that later on we will find out that Alberto had nothing to do with the killing of Juan's parents 35 years before, and that he has been set up.

No question that I would buy this book in the store right away -- in fact, I expect to, once it gets published, which it surely will.

It seems we have a bit of a mutual admiration thing going here with our two books. I hope to back yours, and hope you feel the same way about mine, which, from your very welcome comments, it would seem that you do. In the meantime, I am putting this on my WL.

I spent some time with your "chapter 6" upload and found nothing to quibble with. Overall the dialogue was good and I was able to jump right into the story (understand the characters, plot and motivation). Cleanly edited and fast moving.

I'd buy it. Shelved.

The Whore's Companion

Hi Ed, This is great, the threads are nicely laid out for us, slowly and descriptively woven together for us. You clearly love Spain, the landscape, the sunshine, the languidness. The cold clinical murders do not lose any of their effectiveness because of the heat of the sun. The mystery grows and I love the shadow of the past looming over the present. I have no idea what the pay-off will be, but if it is delivered with the same story-telling confidence and narrative power of the opening I think we are in for a treat. Will try and get back to read more, best wishes, impressive story and characters of what I have read so far, best wishes - Andrew W. (Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Sheryl,

I am so grateful for your measured, thoughtful advice - I'm obviously pleased that you enjoyed the first few chapters, as posted on Authonomy, and will look closely at your suggestions. In themenatime, I hope that reaching number one has meant that "In all the wrong places" will be published without dely - as you know, I thought it was excellent!
I am now going to have a look at the first few chapters in the light of your comments, and I will search amazon for the books you suggested. Best Wishes, Ed

The Whore's Companion...

Yes, do tweak, but you've got a great story and I'm shelving this forthwith.

Another book which you might not need, but which might help you improve the structure of your novel, is Jack W. Bickham's Scene and Structure. I felt that c.4's structure needs some tweaking. Can't tell you how many times I've restructured my novel, however.

Shelved without a qualm.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

The Whore's Companion...

Okay, now I've read your partial. This is great stuff and with some tweaking (not much), I think this partial will result in requests for your full manuscript.

Take a look at Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. You'll kiss my feet!

Not sure if the above book refers to The Starting Syndrome. In case it doesn't, it's stronger to have the character or thing simply do the thing rather than start or begin to do it.

I guess the best praise I can give you is to read on when I normally don't read more than a partial.

The Whore's Companion...

Chapter Two confused me a bit, as a reader, but more as a writer. I'm reserving judgment about whether you need it or not.

If you keep it, consider eliminating the italics for emphasis. Usually better to either let the reader make a contribution, or to reword if the meaning would change too much if the reader puts the emphasis on a different word.

Also watch out for 'as' sentences...use with caution. I think you have two very close together.

Reading on...

The Whore's Companion...

C. 1 reveals an accomplished writing style and a born storyteller. Love the weaving in of historial setting details. Love your opening paragraph (except for the word 'just,' a perennial and overused favourite word...try to eliminate most of them.) Think your chapter can end with the sentence "blistering sun," on the theory that sometimes less is more.

Don't think you need most of the italics (except for vino tinto and campo, perhaps.)

You can eliminate the word 'had' in most places (not all)...usually stronger without it.

You raise lots of story questions in the opening chapter. I'd definitely read more...and will...

The Whore's Companion...

Finally returning your read!

Take my comments on your pitches with huge grains of salt (can't seem to apply the theory to mine, unfortunately.)

Also, I happen to like both your pitches...but I don't think either of them would grab an agent.

The short pitch, sometimes called the elevator pitch, doesn't tell an agent enough about the story.

And the longer pitch should be restructured, I think. Here's the allegedly winning formula:

1. who is your protagonist?
2. what does he want?
3. what obstacles does he encounter?
4. a hint about the resolution.

Now, if you find you can apply this theory to your pitch, please help me re-write mine!

Reading on...

Ed, you've certainly chosen fertile ground in which to plant a murder mystery: Franco's rule still being within living memory for many Spaniards, with so many old crimes and secrets still hidden.

Good, taut writing for the most part and well-drawn characters. A few repetitious phrases here and there, such as when Fernandez encounters Dr Santiago at the crime scene - you have 'He hesitated...' twice in the same paragraph. And since you're writing in English but your characters are speaking in Spanish, it looks a bit strange for some of them to be dropping the final G in '-ing' words. If they're working-class people, there's probably a better and more elegant way to represent their speech as such.

I'm intrigued by the mysterious 'Gloria' and how the many undercurrents will pan out in the resolution of the mystery, and wanted to read on past the few chapters you've posted. Happy to shelve.

Hi Ed,

Great opening paragraph. I was hooked right away. Beautiful imagery. Your characters felt real and the dialogue was believable.

This story has so much potential. It’s a compelling read. Tight prose. This is what you call a mind blowing crime fiction. The only thing I would suggest is that you get an attention seeking cover to pull in the readers.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Your matter-of-fact prose makes this menacing. You end Ch1 with a perfect cliff hanger.

On my WL. It will go on my shelf sometime next week.

Peter.

Evocatively written. There is no glamour in the execution, it is simply an act. This is one of the most powerful scenes I have ever read. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

The short chapters kept my attention. i don't liek the main character but I assume you aren't suppose to like him. Perhaps he is the antagonist. Regardless i found that I was intrigued by this story and eager to read more.
T.L Tyson_Seeking eleanor

Good Lord..."smell the urine that trickled from their hysterical bladders." That line alone if worth a place on the shelf. This is a brave story though -- I already dislike the main character and kind of hope he dies before he gets to leave his house. I'm curious to know how, after those opening chapters, there is any room for the rest of the story -- but I imagine things aren't what they appear.

Brilliant. Great to see Spain as the setting for a crime novel rather than Italy or Sweden. I agree with Derek, this has great promise and Ch 1 should end with the shooting. Keep it up. I've just finished reading Steig Larsson and this jumps in faster, which I think is important if your story hasn't received as much hype.
Buenos Dias
Rob Bassett