Sigma

Hey Elvis
This is really REALLY good!!
It's hilariously funny, exceptionally engrossing and one of the best books I've read in a long time. Published ones included.
Your dialogue is witty, informative and utterly believable. The way you are able to meld key information into the conversations so effortlessly is amazing...although If I'm not on here for a few days it's because my neighbour has reported me as insane for laughing so loud....
The way you write is so, I don't even know how to say it, it's that good...it'slike your sitting in the room, watching what is happening, hearing the conversation, seeing everything! Your characters are great, witty, slightly strange and human in that for great amounts of time, they believe they are invincible and nothing can harm them...except black ice.
I'm only up to chapter three at the moment, but when I have time I will definately read the rest.
You are amazing!

Bron
The Endless Awakening

Elvis - Sigma is the most engrossing, entertaining read that I've had since joining the site six days and at least a hundred reads ago, no lie. Fortunately, no one else was around while I was reading, so I didn't have to explain why I was laughing 'til I cried and hyperventilating like an ape with a bunch of ripe bananas in his hand.
You have a gift, my friend.

Elvis, I have read quite a few opening chapters since joining this site a couple of months ago.

Your opening two have the clearest, most unique voice I have come across so far. The phrasing, coupled with the pace,along with the subject matter are, to me, irresistible.

The chatty, blokey style is temendous fun, and so far, two chapters in, you have managed to keep it up, keep it authentic, and keep my interest. I did get a bit of an 'aha moment when Jill enters. I was suddenly reminded of the opening narrative monologues from the TV series 'Hustle'. But I can live with that, as so far you have proven to be every bit as inventive. This is entertaining, funny and almost bizarrely believable. Best of luck This will go far. But first you have to hack the authonomy site!. Cheers. Matt.

I've let this sit on my shelf for several days. I'm surprised it's not on a hundred of them. The masterly writing alone makes it worth reading. You could give a clinic on diction, syntax, rate of revelation, and tricks of the trade. Beyond that, the characters draw one to them; one is quickly comfortable in a surprisingly friendly cyber underground, including the feeling, alluded to early on, that a thieving hacker has that he's playing with Monopoly money, not real pounds, shillings and pence.

I don't usually start forum threads recommending single books, but I'm doing so with this one. I hope to help it down the chart toward the ED.

Bill

Hi Elvis, good name.

A little jaded after a late night, this morning I opened Sigma's first chapter. An hour later, I'm having to tear myself away and get to work.

Sigma is really engaging, and has a stragely laconic edge. There's so much in there, following these irascable hackers. Your observations are well researched and push the plot along nicely. A great voice! Reminiscent of scenes from Red Dwarf, or perhaps Hitch Hiker's Guide, but different and refreshing. Well done, mate. I really like this book, which I back with great pleasure.
Kieron Dowling (Outback Encounter)

Finally, finally, finally have got to read this book which seems to have been on my WL since the dawn of time. Or something around then.

Just letting you know it is next on my list.

Tonia
~Strange Bodies ~

The atmosphere of Sigma is a fascinating juxtaposition of the primeval and the digital. The virtual world is where all the excitement and fate is to be found; the physical world by contrast seems a kind of shanty town of coarse imprecations and humdrum transitions. In other words, it’s a fabulous concept – showing how so many of our actions nowadays are performed facelessly. Loved the writing with its muscular and assured syntax. And the plot throws up a compelling steady succession of sparks. We fear for the narrator with his edgy perforated complacency because, underlying the apparently controllable medium of cyberspace, lurks the presence of the unruly primordial claim of basic instincts. Sigma is like Las Vegas built on an awakening swamp.

Hiya
I enjoyed this immensely. You create a nice flow and it's intriguing, interesting and funny. If I were being constructive, I'd say the text could be tighter, e.g. para 5:

The central Telecom computer is one big mother. Security; fail-safes; user IDs. The works. Anyone lame enough to have Busby as a password deserved to be fleeced. The company's a money-grabbing son-of-a-bitch, so our concience was eased. IDs are like snowflakes, melting away when you look at them. Passwords range from the sublime to the howl-at-the-moon crazy.

Feel free to ignore, I'm just on a mission to tighten up some of my stuff and thought I'd share!

Good stuff. Best of luck with it

GG x

Elvis,
I've been gone awhile, but returned to read sigma which has been on my shelf for quite some time. I like it. I'd like to know how you managed to do your research. Really good writing. I like your ability to jump from conversation to metaphor, and back again. Keep pluggin away, before long you'll be at the desk. If you get a chance take a look at SERVED COLD
M. Cirillo

Elvis,

You have a strong story here. I love your voice, the pitch is, well, pitch perfect. You caught my attention from the first paragraph and as I read I never found an awkward sentence or an ill placed nugget of information. I rated Sigma highly.

Good luck with this project. It deserves it.

DaveR
Alien Ways

this is slick, colorful and relentlessly engaging to say the least. i didn't bother to learn it was incomplete until chapter nine, so now that my interest is well piqued i'm hoping your oncoming traffic stays considerate until you get the rest online.

i've really nothing to suggest, this is a story i want to hear the conclusion to and i like the way it is told. paradox is now on my watchlist as a result and because it, too, is incomplete i hope it either sucks or finds its ending before i run out of good text.

Thoroughly enjoying this so far. I'll leave a better comment when I've read more.

kelly

SIGMA
I’m pretty computer illiterate so I was afraid from reading the pitch for this story, I wasn’t going to understand what was going on. Was happy to realize it’s written in such an enjoyable and clear style, my lack of computer hacking ability didn’t matter at all. I like the whole idea of this. You’ve created a good set of characters. Makes a reader keep turning page (or rather flicking screens). I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hey,

you were the first person you watched mine, or whatever it's called, and so I actually just came by out of curiosity. But then I read the first chapter of Stigma (well, parts of it. I'm actually a college student and i ahven't slepd for 50 something hours? So my grammar's going down the drain and I read part of chapter one, thought it was amazing, and am planning to read the rest when I can actually stare at the computer without seeing the weird circular orange color palate that keeps appearing in front of my eyes. Sleep deprivation is scary.

Anyways, I'll be on a lookout for your work.

Sigma, is hilarious you write with a confident narrative voice.I think you have accomplished something special here with different threads so brilliantly interwoven.
Connie King. x

I've just gobbled up 3 chapters of this and really, really enjoyed it. I have a background in the computer industry, so I could kinda identify with where you were going in the first chapters. I loved the bantering approach, the wise-cracks and the characters. You haven't painted us a picture of Liam, Jill or 'I' but you don't need to. We get a very good idea of them from their behaviour. Of course, it helps that you're veering down paths that I find interesting (pyramids, Nazca etc). I'll no doubt come back and read some more of this.

Constructive criticism - early on you alternate between past tense and present. I think it's contrived to be the way the narrator thinks, but I found it a distraction. Best wishes with this book. I hope it does well.

Absolutely addictive and in your own words ... the thought process moves faster than a whippet on amphetamines - well done! The characters are insanely funny and I guess that eases out the burden of them being opinionated. There are incidents where you actually want to jump in and tell them 'don't risk that.' It's a brilliant piece of fiction. Best of Luck!

Chapter 3: You must mean Giza rather than Gaza, and "subscribe" rather than "prescribe", and "lumber" rather than "lumbar". Have a word with your spellchecker. But the story is quite imaginative and page-turning. I didn't mean to read this far!

Fun, original stuff. Two comments. I think you might pare down the descriptions a little to pull out your plot. Also, at times there's a sense of nostalgia that feels a little cheesy at times. Finally, this seems like the kind of story/concept that needs a strong plot to sustain it. I'd love to know more about the literal journey and the literal obstacles in your pitch. Let the obvious literary merits--great characterization and strong writing--shine through as you tell a great story.

Just finished second chapter... Most enjoyable read of Authonomy so far... I highly recommend... Everyone should back this badboy!

Elvis,
I was amused by the unrefined speech patterns of your characters. Computer hackers have such a large selection of things on the Internet to choose from and this story could go just about anywhere. Sigma is far more realistic than much science fiction I've come across and it's very entertaining for its originality and the unpredictable plot.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

I've been meaning to read more of this for a while now - I'm sorry it took me so long to come back to it. I wanted to give it my undivided attention. Thanks so much for the backing when you gave it. I hope to return the favor soon.

Though this isn't the type of book I would normally read I was completely hooked by the time I got to the end of chapter one and had to read on to find out what would happen next! I didn't find any grammatical mistakes - the writing flowed pretty smoothly.

I have to say I am amazed that I really have no comments on chapter 2 either. I'm just going to keep reading.

This is really excellent. You manage to hook me and keep me reading even though it's not the type of book I would ever read. I really think you will do well with this.

Highly starred and will be backed soon.

- Rena (Bunderful)

I haven’t read your entire book at this time, but I am still backing it. This is not a book I would normally consider, however your writing style and skills makes me believe you could write a how to book and make it compelling. It is a real page turner in my view, and I’ll give it the proper read it deserves when I can set-aside sometime. Storytelling, writing style you have a lot of talent, kind of makes me envious.

Todd

I read the first 3 chapters and was quickly hooked. This is intelligent, fascinating and endlessly entertaining. The writing is excellent, full of wit and unusual snippets of information. The characters are generally well described, but 3 chapters in and I'm wondering, who the hell is Liam's fellow hacker? I'm either being dumb or I've missed something obvious! Some of the lines are a delight. Losing night-vision binoculars in the dark, Clinton and Perot naked in a jacuzzi, all poems have wolves in them, being stand-outs for me. Accidentally hacking into the Yakuza's bank account was another terrific touch. This is one of the most entertaining reads I've found on Authonomy. On my WL for further reading and generously starred. Good luck with this.

Hi Elvis,

A well-written book with a strange but unique voice is what caught me - unaware though because I was expecting a racy sc-fi. The dialogue is quite natural and witty and you have not put a wrong foot as far as I read. there is conflict, rebellion against set norms and a challenge to the system, which is the essence of inspired writing.
I have put it on my watchlist, buy just until a place comes up for grabs on my shelf.

All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Very unique voice. Not exactly my cup of tea in terms of the genre I would normally read, but I have read enough sci-fi to appreciate this. For the right audience I think it's really compelling and well written.

All the best,

Rena

Dana Scully waltzing with Indiana Jones . . . you got me right there, also this is well written, very well written, the intrigue and clandestine cleverness, love it, this is gettin shelved (good shelved, yi know what I mean!)
Great job, and it musta been hard work, but a labour of love, it just bursts through as i read!!
DML

Lovely work Elvis. Thank you for messaging me and sharing your book with me. :)
I have rated your work. I liked the $750,000,000. :)

- Sigma -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

Good writing here. No fear about that. I have the disctinct feeling though that there's something I'm not 'getting'. That's not to say it's the fault of the book. I just feel like something passed me by. Maybe it's a taste thing. Maybe something has gone over my head. That does happen. I'll give my reader reactions on a couple of areas generally and then make a some minor notes on each chapter. Best to bear in mind I'm a novice and what I don't know about writing could fill an ocean.

The narrative voice:
-This is excellent. It's lyrical, punchy and flows along nicely. Feels very much as if someone is speaking to you.
-It's funny and witty too. Quite a few laugh out loud moments in there.
-I liked the idiomatic switching of tenses, using the present to talk about the past. I couldn't help but wonder while reading whether some of the more grammarian reviewers here would be pulling their hair out at that and assuming it was due to a lack of knowledge. It's not. It's intentional and it's good.

The 'insular' storytelling
-By this I mean that it very much feels like someone recounting a list of events to me. This is what I meant by the thing I didn't 'get'. In the three chapters I've read, there don't seem to be a lot of 'scenes' as such but rather 'this happened', 'We did this' etc. It was hard for me to get into at times and I couldn't see or feel what was happening. It reminded me a bit of the opening of a film like Snatch, where the narrator tells you a lot of things in quick succession to get the background over with and all of this is accompanied by images to lodge that back story in the viewer's head. Except here, I have no pictures and it was often difficult for me to take in everything.
-As I say, I'm sure the style is intentional and it's something that just didn't strike with me personally.

Chapter 1:
-I liked that chapter as a whole, the wit of the Geordie voice kicking in early.
-I enjoyed the alien chat as well.
- I didn't quite get what happened with Barclays. Why did they ring him? Was it because of the hack? If so, how did he get away with it so easily?

Chapter 2:
-This one was the most difficult for me to get into. The voice is still there and going strong but there was a lot of info being thrown at me, piece after piece, without it expanding into a scene. It was hard for me to take it all in or to visualise things.

Chapter 3
- This was my favourite of those I read. The conversation with Liam expanded the scenes and that helped me see and feel things more.
- I also liked that content of Liam's chat, the history of flying saucers and the conspiracy theories as a whole.
- Nice bits of philosophising in there too.

As I've said, probably too much, it was a wee bit difficult for me to get my head in the game with this one but there is certainly skill and talent on display in the writing. If I were sitting reading this as a paperback at home, I'd definitely carry on reading.

All the best with it,

Ross

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. Interesting main characters. Some excellent phrasing. For example, 'hacking down resistance with silicone machetes.' Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) Hyphenate 'son of a bitch.'
2) "Hey bullock features." Comma after 'hey.' When you address omeone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. Same thing with "All those mutations man." Comma after 'mutations.' There are more cases where someone is addressed in dialogue, but their name or title isn't offset with commas.
3) Hyphenate 'thirty six.' There are more numbers that should be hyphenated.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) "Told you so fuckface." Comma after 'so,' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
2) 'Four am rush hour.' 'Four am' should be 'four a.m.'

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your past support of "Savannah Fire."

Have a wonderful day.

Al

Hey Elvis,

I'm with LuvingSolitude. This just reads so naturally. I only had tome for Chapter One, but I honestly felt like I was int he room observing this and even that I was one of these guys. I don't know a couple of fullas a few years back in Australia... not in this league, but they liked to think so.
I am backing this and hope to get back to it soon.

Good stuff. I've read your pitch and your first three chapters, and it's impressive, funny and I like the characters. I haven't read enough to form a real opinion yet, but I'll read more soon.

Added to WL. The pitch has me intrigued. Nice work on that. Will come back with comments when read a few chapters.

love the humor have rated and WL care to try a thriller Illusions of Comfort
Regards Michelle

Hey Elvis
This is really REALLY good!!
It's hilariously funny, exceptionally engrossing and one of the best books I've read in a long time. Published ones included.
Your dialogue is witty, informative and utterly believable. The way you are able to meld key information into the conversations so effortlessly is amazing...although If I'm not on here for a few days it's because my neighbour has reported me as insane for laughing so loud....
The way you write is so, I don't even know how to say it, it's that good...it'slike your sitting in the room, watching what is happening, hearing the conversation, seeing everything! Your characters are great, witty, slightly strange and human in that for great amounts of time, they believe they are invincible and nothing can harm them...except black ice.
I'm only up to chapter three at the moment, but when I have time I will definately read the rest.
You are amazing!

Bron
The Endless Awakening

Elvis,
This is a cracker, those Geordie boys are as mad as frogs, but so clever and funny with it. Love the pace of this and how the lads tumble from one outragious event to the other at breakneck speed. Just finished ch7 ...what a great hook at the end...I'm going to have to keep going. Best line so far..."I'm not even English I'm from Newcastle" High starred and awaiting room on my shelf. Best of luck.

Babs

Hi Elvis,

Read the first five chapters. An entertaining and speedy read. The pace is good, despite so much information to deliver. The narrative voice is excellent and as your other commenters have observed, remains consistent.

On the hem of current events like the Wikileak exposures, and the use of the internet in such revolutions as that in Eygpt, I think this book will have a ready and curious audience. ecently, I have been reading about the `bombs' sent by Wikileak supporters to organisations frsutrating Wikileaks. Unfortunately, these bombs can be traced back to the multiple users who used them and several have been arrested,

Your story has a delightful anarchist bent, the rebel at large, and as I read on, the threat of `the system' or whoever dealing out retribution is going to lead to more harrowing events I can tell.

The construction is also fine. I liked the chapter dealing with an update on Liam's situation.

All the best,

I'll put it on my shelf as soon as I find space. It's a shame I can't have ten spots on my bookshelf.

Congratulations on some great work.

All the best , Brian

Elvis, my heart skipped a beat when I read the last line of Chapter 1. Splendid!!!

“It was like finding the Holy Grail on a bric-a-brac stall.” – Extraordinary. It is a rare chance to find such a ravishing phrase, but you have such phrases scattered here and there all around the chapter. Keep going like this!
On the whole I’d like to thank you for many things:
- first, for the short pitch, which leaves me intrigued and eager to read further;
- for the full pitch, the second paragraph of which I find simply gorgeous;
- and, last but not least, for the warning about the cuss language. I actually don’t like cussing in books, but you prepared me for it and I enjoyed the dialogues immensely.

Wish you good luck with ‘Sigma’. By the way, the title also deserves praise. I’m looking forward to finding out why you named the book this way.
Six-star rated. I go to the next chapter.

Best regards.

Ivan
The Beholder

Whoa! I feel like I just got dropped into the middle of a high speed car chase. The ideas are flying at me with no time to process. (Maybe it's because I'm a girl) I need to be seduced. Eased into the story, so to speak. You have a HUGE story, and once passed the initial shock, it's really good. I like the bantering between the "bro's" and think (for me) that it could use a bit of dialogue a little sooner.

Backed with pleasure. Will try to read more. I can easily see this published and hugely successful. (Movie, even!)

Hi Elvis

Here are my comments.

General comments : -
1. An interesting and funny story, told in a unique style – you have a rare gift!
2. I could not stop reading it.
3. I like you’re your ability as a wordsmith, and your use of similes.
4. Wow – perfect spelling and grammar.
5. I am convinced this is the work of a reincarnation of Michael Bentine, or maybe even Bazil Faulty – it’s sheer genius!
6. 5 stars and backed.

Some detailed comments :-
Ch 1
There is a good opening with some action and comedy.
Suggest deleting about 80% of the swear and almost swear words – they will pull most readers out of the story after the first 4 on the first page. Suggest one every few pages at most. Otherwise it DISTRACTS, which is a pity.
The story goes on and on in its unique and funny way!
I like the hook at the end.
Ch 2
Lots more fun!

Hope this helps. Would you please read my novel Gold Demon in return?

Best regards
George

Elvis: I am having a struggle. I must get up and get ready to leave my house, but find myself wanting to read further into your novel! You have a great way of catching the readers attention! I can't wait to come back home and read some more!

Wow! I have to get ready to leave my house, but I'm torn between continuing reading you story, or doing what I should! I love it! Can't wait to read more!

One of the best opening chapters I've read in a while! I was a little apprehensive as to how I'd get along with the story - languages have never been my forte, especially where computers are concerned! but this is writen with a fresh voice.
The final two sentences in chapter one has me completely hooked! i look forward to reading the rest :)
Backed with pleasure!

Elvis,

This read is funny, with believable dialogue, good phrasing, style, wit. It would be beyond me to cit. Six stars and I shall make space for backing.

Bec (Find Mark)

Elvis. You are the king! What a brilliant read, from the outset. Gripping, engaging, well paced, original. Well done.

elvis,
really digging on this book...
it has the gritty edge that I love...I'll be working my way through it...ray

Hi Elvis

I backed you a while ago, but previously left no comment. The Douglas Adams hook got me right away. Less Hitchhikers, more Holistic Detective agency, with swearing. Very amusing start and it would not surprise me if Telecom's password was BUSBY - though you do have to be a certain age to get that one.

Perhaps you could have a quick look at Marking Time....funnily enough one of the central characters is called Elvis.

Best of luck Crispy

A very American Gods type - intriguing! I've only read the beginning but it feels like it could make a great movie. Ever considered writing a screenplay?

Elvis,
Thank you so much for backing the Slumber of Brynhild, and I look forward to your comments on it :) Your prose is absolutely breathtaking! I could see myself buying this book to read already. I also appreciate the cerebral nature of it and I can tell that you love philosophy, as do I. The plot is intriguing and I has just the right pacing to it. Wonderful job and i cannnot wait to read on!
Kayla

Backed Sigma. Interesting inlight of WikiLeaks and all the hacking going on now. Good job!
CC Brown

WIKILEAKS!
There should be a market for this book now because of the hacker group Anonymous' recent popularity.

I have read three chapters and I can see how these two characters would appeal to male readers in particular, with their conspiracy theories and game playing, in between the hacking and money making. I also enjoyed reading about some of the theories (evolution and alien involvement), but I do think these tangents serve to give the prose an unfocused style and tell me more about the writers interests and fascinations than the characters. I think what you have here is raw and unstructured. The characters are talking heads (philosophising), with all the action taking place in a reported style e.g. Jill and going to their homes across the world. I would look at how you structure the beginning more closely -as I reader, I didn't really get a sense of the two characters as separate and distinct people, rather as extensions of the author's mind. You need to bring them to life, give them concerns and hang-ups, have them interacting with the world. I am not sure what happens after chapter 3, but up until this point, it is two characters talking to each other in a room full of computers. I think the idea is great and the characters potentially memorable, but the structure and consequently plot needs some work to bring it to life. Jake

great descriptions moves this tale along... on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

I absolutely loved your first chapters. Your narrative flows really well, and your dialogues are quite excellent. A lot of great story telling here.

Very little thing: In "I can see he`s really..." I`d put that in the past, because that`s where we`ve been on during the narrative.

Never the less, really great job, and I`m curious to read on further! Also Im star rating your book, and most certainly watching it! = )

The hardest thing for a writer to do is make people laugh. You can do it in spades! You rolick along sweeping your reader with you. A wee bit of editing still needed, but I hope you are sending this out by now.

Good luck with Sigma. It has been on my watchlist a week and I shall star it and put it on my shelf in a couple of days.

Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn