Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 58296
date submitted 24.07.2009
date updated 15.02.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: universal
incomplete

The Ghost Writer

B. J. Winters

 

Hale Marcum was a witness to a horrific crime—trouble is, he was sleeping at the time.

 

Automatic writing is a skill that Hale would prefer to do without. Living alone in Placerville, California, he defines himself as author, not a psychic. Yet, when strange text appears at his bedside, and neatly typed within the pages of his manuscript, he can’t ignore the possibility that he could prevent a murder.

Together with his editor, Nadiya Kingsley, he tracks a killer and a body in a glass coffin. But he gets too close, and his life takes a dangerous turn when Nadiya disappears and Hale is stalked in his own home.

Can Hale find Nadiya before the killer buries her too? Or before the police decide that he’s been the murderer all along?

The Ghost Writer is a fast-paced, 75,000-word thriller that places you into the mind of a writer who wants nothing more than to craft mysteries, rather than end up in the middle of them time and again. The story won "Best Non-Romance" while posted on Fiction Press. I hope you enjoy it.

{Complete, but only partially posted}

 
 

tags

automatic writing, fiction, hale marcum, supernatural mystery, suspense, thriller

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HarperCollins Wrote

The premise for this novel is certainly an interesting one. The protagonist, author Hale Marcum, is also a psychic automatic writer. Haunted by the victims of a series of crimes, he seemingly receives notes from beyond the grave, pointing him towards a series of clues and evidence. His editor, Nadiya Kingsley, arrives on his doorstep, so keen for him to finish his next novel that she is prepared to move in. Together they begin to solve the mystery of the murder of Janet Gleeson, who was found murdered in a glass coffin. The case becomes decidedly personal when the killer decides to pursue Nadiya, edging ever-closer to Hale.

I thought the overall pace and characterisation in the novel was good. The reader immediately relates to the character of Hale, who comes across as quite a lone artist. What was not made particularly clear however was his skill at automatic writing. It is touched on at the start but never fully developed. The opening chapter relating to the murder trial of Tommy Martin establishes the “psychic” element to Hale’s character and I think you could potentially insert some great passages where he is overcome by a voice in his head, or wakes to find a new and chilling note. For me this is the hook which makes the thriller interesting and more gripping than just a detective story.

There is an overly long section focusing on Nadiya arriving at his house prepared to cook for him until he completes his novel. On the first read, I felt that it was his laziness, rather than his waiting on a new message to develop the story, which held back the writing of his overdue manuscript. If the automatic writing element could be further developed, I think this would really enhance the story as a whole.

Additionally, I found the relationship between author and editor a little hard to swallow. There seemed to be some sexual tension there (which is always great to keep a reader reading) but I found it a little unbelievable that his editor would move in to ensure the completion of the novel (and put herself in the path of the killer). One thing that did strike me as strange was his involvement with the police - was he a detective previously? If not, I wonder whether the police force would have been so willing to share knowledge of the killer/murders (and whether they would have trusted his notes from the grave).

The bomb scene could have been developed more – he went from ordering a coffee to hearing a voice in his head saying “bomb” without us really knowing the motive behind it. I’m not sure how much the bomb scene added to the manuscript as a whole. For me it detracted from his search to find Nadiya (indeed when he found Nadiya in the coffin there was another bomb attached there). I think it might be better to keep the ‘bomb attached to the coffin’ scene and miss out the ‘coffee shop bomb’. I feel it would have a greater impact towards the end of the novel when Nadiya is discovered.

Overall I think there is promise in THE GHOST WRITER if the above elements can be worked upon. It certainly had the feel of a TV show such as Medium as I was reading it. It was quite easy to read (as the narrative was on the whole very well paced) and the characters were well-developed.

LearnMeGood wrote 230 days ago

Hey BJ,

I've just read the opening chapter, and I'm hooked. Hale Marcum is already a very endearing, genuine character. He's not a swaggering action hero or a dopey self-deprecating wall-flower -- just someone you might actually know, and who would truly have issues with suddenly being able to do what he is doing!

I want to read more, but I'm going to stop and back this one right now.

John Pearson
Learn Me Good

TheatreGirl wrote 325 days ago

Dear BJ,
This is so original. I think the premise is fascinating, never read anything quite like it. You immediately bring a sense of "psychic" mystery into the story and it rises above the typical murder thriller. I think your opening is powerful - both visually, and audibly. I haven't encountered that much, either, and I think it's a great tool...the focus on the sounds in the courtroom. I am very particular to your style of short, concise paragraphs, just enough but minimal description. I love it - it's how I like to write, too, and this style makes the story so readable and well-paced. I'm in chapter 2 now and can't break away. Bravo - I wish you the very best with this!
Lizzi
(Dionysus)

Sly80 wrote 348 days ago

I try to write detailed comments, BJ, but that would be a waste of time in this case. This is simply and honestly one of the most professionally written, original, clever page-turners I've had the pleasure of reading here, or anywhere else - bought!

Kim Jewell wrote 399 days ago

Hi BJ!

I love your pitch, and can tell early on why you've won the Fiction Press award. The editing is very well done, it's evident you (and anyone that helped you) have been thorough in combing through this!

You jump right into the story line, and the pace is fast, but not too much. Good flow, the dialogue as Mr. Marcum stands his cross-examination is believable. It's easy to sympathize with his character immediately. Very well done. I'll definitely be back for more, and will most likely regret that I cannot read the whole thing here on Auth! (I'll have to buy it in print, as I'm sure it will be soon!) Shelved.

Kim
Invisible Justice

Norma E. Hilton wrote 64 days ago

Sorry that it has taken me so long to read your work, however better late than never as they say.
The Ghost Writer has excellent dialogue and a reader can easily visualise the opening courtroom scene. You have had such good comments already about your work that there is nothing more that I can add to top it.
Although my book The Spell is a different genre to yours I hope that you will read it and comment too. It's a good idea and plot. BACKED.
N.E.HIlton The Spell.

wespollet wrote 96 days ago

Hi B.J., I like the idea of automatic writing. I belive you can reach on occasion into the beyond or the past to untangle certain things. I like the book and I BACK it. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Morrison Littrell wrote 99 days ago
Burgio wrote 135 days ago

I liked this story but didn't realize it had a star until I scrolled down to write this comment. I'm guessing you don't need any more comments but I did read it so I'm adding this. I liked Hale as a main character (I woke up one morning after a night of heavy drinking and discovered the same thing he did; there were things typed in my story I couldn't remember writing; the worst part is, the writing was better than what I usually write). I liked the relationship between Hale and Nadiya; I kept turning pages to see how all of this was going to turn out. I'll add it to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

latterday wrote 181 days ago

i thought this was brilliant. Just the sort of book i like. I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEONE LIKE YOU IS NOT PUBLISHED. The pitch was great and the first chapter hooked me.
Backed.
Ray
Victoria's desperate mothers

The Crew wrote 183 days ago
qscribe wrote 187 days ago

lol i lived this... weird.

qscribe wrote 187 days ago

lol i lived this.

jfredlee wrote 191 days ago

Hi, BJ -

Great MC with an unusual twist - ghostwriting. Not only that, but you magnificently pulled off both first person POV and writing in the present tense.

Excellent writing and editing here.

More than happy to add my backing.

Best of luck on this.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Dylene wrote 191 days ago

Bj--

Love the first person story-telling! I want to know more about Hale Marcum. Read the first chapter, and have to head to bed...but this one is on my watch list, will read more tomorrow. Just wanted to get a note off to you to let you know that this one feels like a winner already.

Very interesting concept, intriguing. I like a good thriller, and I think this fits the bill...more soon.
Dy

Vickie Clasby wrote 193 days ago

Hi BJ-
Just finished chapter 2, and I feel Hale is a great character - bright but tortured by his gift. Ghost Writer combines three things I love - writers, murder, and psychic phenomenon. I loved Hale's reaction to the smug attorney, and how he showed her up. That's always satisfying :)
I gladly shelved it, and wish you much success.
Vickie
Barely a Trace

Chanette Paul wrote 194 days ago

Hi BJ
I've just joined and your contribution is the first I've read. If this is what I can expect to read on the site I'm in for some serious enjoyment.
I loved the first chapter (and Hale!) and will treat myself to the rest one at a time.
Well done
Chanette

GAClark wrote 197 days ago

When I saw the title Ghost Writer, I thought who would write a book about my profession? The opening chapter captured me and kept me enthralled. Every thing I am going to say here has apparently been said by others. Fantastic premise, intriguing story line, tremendous concept, etc, etc. All of them true. I won't be redundent.
That’s just the first 2 chapters, and I can’t wait to I get to read more of it. The gold star is well deserved.

G. Allen Clark
Show Low

NelizaDrew wrote 204 days ago

Congrats on making the ED!

Greg Ryan wrote 210 days ago

BJ - i need the rest but i've read enough to back it . regards.......Greg Ryan - UNDERCOVER MESSIAH

Tracy McCarthy wrote 211 days ago

Does my review make any difference at this point? :) Regardless, this is fantastic. It deserved the Ed's desk, and I hope it makes it all the way through.
Already Backed.
Tracy
The Guardians

Natasha Vloyski wrote 213 days ago

Congratulations on being selected for review!!!! Best of luck to you.

Marie DuGar Bell wrote 213 days ago

Congratulations! I wish you success in becoming published. Sincerely. Marie

Manolya wrote 213 days ago

Congratulations on your Gold Star- I am really happy for you:)
I wish you all the very best with your book.
Warm regards,
Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land

hkraak wrote 213 days ago

Congrats!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

ipaintwithwords wrote 213 days ago

Congratulations on being selected for review!

cutley wrote 213 days ago

Many congratulations.

Charles

PirateWriter wrote 213 days ago

So close, so just backed you. Hope it helps.
Best of luck.

Beth Friel wrote 214 days ago

Hi B.J
thank you for your comments and support of Valene Halloway. I like the original concept. Your pitch entices the reader and your writing style is enjoyable to read. All the best.
Beth

Alessia Verdi wrote 214 days ago

Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you'd slipped to No. 5. Then couldn't believe I'd forgotten to back you after reading a few chapters of your book last week. So jumping in now to hopefully help a little.
No pressure and no obligation but I would be grateful if you could have a quick look at "Never My Thirst". Comments from good writers are a lot more valuable to me than ...................
Txs. Alessia.

RichardBard wrote 214 days ago

Bravo, B.J.,

I really like your tight writing style and very original conccept. The Pitch hooked me, and the first chapter sucked me into Hale Marcum's world right away. Thoroughly enjoyable. I will back it with pleasure.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

Terry Dip wrote 215 days ago

Yes! Finally, someone who also puts location and time stamps at the beginning of chapters.

Is there anything I can say that hasn't already been said?

You create tension patiently. And you keep it up. I think there's little else that needs to be done to compel a reader to read on.

So...yeah...keep it up.

-Terry (Happy Birthday, Zach)

cbearly wrote 216 days ago

B.J.:

If the entire novel was posted, I would keep it on my shelf to finish it.

Job very well done.

Backed with pleasure,

Candace Bowen Early (A Knight of Silence)

britneyjmartin wrote 216 days ago

Woooooooahooooo. Your writing is like the most awesome episode of Law and Order played out in a story. I could feel myself in that courtroom, I could taste the tension, I could see every coniving smirk of the defense attorney.

What can I say that already hasn't been said by everyone else. There is a reason your book has made it to the top 5--sheer talent.

Backed with pleasure!
Britney
BFL

[[i am off to read chapter 2....and 3.....and....]]

Kelli wrote 217 days ago

Totally dig this book. Really gripped me from the start and I'm always skeptical of psychic-type stories. I'm all in on this one.

Backed.

kizgikate wrote 217 days ago

I was a little wary, starting into a court scene and in the first person. Usually the first person gets old fast, but in your case it holds, right through to the shiver from the ice cream, which is as far as I am able to read here at my desk at work. I wish you all the best. Backed.

hkraak wrote 217 days ago

What a great premise. I read the first six chapters and loved how you are bringing the story to light. Hale is a great MC. Will read more when I have time to savor this! Backed!

HJ
The Pearl Edda

David Wisehart wrote 218 days ago

This reads well. Bold choice, putting it in first person present, but you pull it off admirably. I thought it would annoy me after awhile, but it didn't. I read the first four chapters. Loved the courtroom scene and the "parlor trick" at the end of it. The next few chapters develop the relationship between writer and editor, give us a glimpse into Hale's gift and his problems with it. The shower scene had a nice spooky quality to it. I like that he sleeps on the sofa to avoid writing at night. The girl in the glass coffin is an intriguing setup for the mystery, and promises a good read to follow. I like that she is probably still alive. Gives us a good ticking clock to amp up the tension. I wouldn't read this far into your story at the bookstore, because I'd be pulling out my wallet after chapter one. Good job. Backed.

David Wisehart
Devil's Lair

hapless rider wrote 218 days ago

Tension packed start, good build of Marcum’s personality with the first person narrative, I guess the only believable choice with a psychic! I like his ‘parlour trick’ as it raises questions very early on without being so unbelievable that the genre jumps to sci fi.
I also love the ‘writing in his sleep’ and the gentle slightly innocent/bemused way that he tells us – like how he might tell us that he had also been snoring. You write well, I went as far as chapter 3 and think is a good story developing well. Best of luck with it, Hapless

jahek wrote 219 days ago

I read the first chapter and chapter 8, and wish I had time to read more. Brilliant idea - just the sort of story I love to read and wish I'd written!! Backed :)

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

viralebooks wrote 219 days ago

Hi BJ,
Your synopsis had me hooked - it reads like something I might have read on the back of a Dean Koontz novel. Interesting idea and from what I have read it is a great read too. A clear professional style. I hope you get something from your position in the chart! I hope to read more when I get the chance.
Steve

Turnip wrote 220 days ago

Hi BJ. I wanted to take a look at The Ghost Writer before it gets to the ED review and had a great surprise. I love your first person present tense narrator (small wonder, as that's my fave voice as well). After ten chapters I am Hale Marcum and you manage to wrap the rest of the story very well with dialogue. Once or twice I thought that Hale was having a touch too much internal reflection, but then I thought what the hell, it's moving along. I'll be very interested to see what HC has to say about it.
Backed with a bullet.
Turnip
The Rise and Fall of Ger Mayes by Ruby Barnes

Kop wrote 220 days ago

What a good beginning. Backed. Kop - The Lucky Bean Tree.

Marit wrote 220 days ago

A fascinating start, promising a great story ahead. I like the unassuming character of Hale - and the way you have written the story in the first person. It works really well. Great writing, storytelling and plot - and it's already on my shelf! Best of luck!

jhoom wrote 220 days ago

Hi B.J
You invited me to read your book ages ago, so apologies for the tardy response.

I don't like present tense narratives much, and if I opened a book and saw that, I would probably not read on. However, you have such a great story (based on the pitch), and strong characters, and you write so well that I was hooked. I just had to keep reading to see what happened. I have only read a few chapters so far, but that is more than enough to see why you are top 5. I will pop back and read more later. You don't need my backing, but you have it.

susieparker wrote 220 days ago

BJ,

I ove this, love this, love this! Great first person narrative. Great premise. Impeccable writing. Very polished. No wonder you're on the editor's desk! BACKED Susie Parker, Foul Player.

SareyFairy wrote 221 days ago

Hi B.J.

I thoroughly enjoyed this gripping thriller.
It is very fast paced as you say on your profile.
I can see quite clearly why you are in the top five, it's because you deserve to be.
A pleasure to back.
Sarah. T-cup and The Dream Team Fairies

B. J. Winters wrote 223 days ago

This needs a better ending.



The ending isn't posted.

A couple of comments about your protag.

IMO, he thinks he knows himself, but he doesn't, not really. He thinks he keeps thinking of himself as a bad guy, but that he really isn't.

At the moment, that's true. But if he keeps living like he does---isolated from people--he's going to turn into a bad guy. The intense isolation will destroy him. The process has already started. There are some real red flags. The bad housekeeping. The irritable reaction when people show up at his door. Walking around his house with no shirt on.

But more than anything else, the vast sense of emotional disconnectedness that underlies every word in this novel, the lack of empathy.

He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt an innocent female has been buried alive---and his emotional reaction is almost ZERO. And even then, his reaction is irritation at what it's doing to HIM. It's all about him. Not the female. This lack of reaction to other people being hurt shows up again and again, although it's starting to get better by the end of the novel, because he's been exposed so much to other people.



This is exactly what I wanted to communicate. In a first person novel it will appear that the reaction is personal. That's why I chose present tense. As for reaction - he calls the police, he tries to find her, he feels sick (and throws up) has nightmares, refuses to eat and sleep -- in my opinion that is reaction.

Hale is detached, perhaps a little cold. As someone with a similar personality and skill set I can say that if you let yourself get too involved it will rip you apart. The content in Chapter 1 - should show the reader that Hale feels persecuted -- and when you get poked at enough you want to ignore things. That's why the headaches and denial. You can't "deny" and then "overreact" -- it doesn't work. I wrote this in third person first, and it was too over the top. I wanted a character that wasn't superman or a soapopera. So, cool underpressure and detacted is where I landed. If he refuses to look into the grave to see the woman buried there - then he can't gasp and "react."

A LOT of readers are going to be turned off by this. They're not going to be able to say why, but they're going to feel in their guts there's something not right with this guy.



I hope they are asking why - in Chapter 18 Hale himself thinks he's crazy. But I don't think people will be turned off. Deep down I think Hale is troubled, and I'm hoping people will hang in there with him. He is not a classic hero - and I think that's what makes the book unique.

This guy is walking down a dark road. He's only taken a few steps, but it's definitely the direction he's headed. The process has only barely started. I wasn't surprised to learn the protag was only 28 years old.

This is not what this guy really wants. There's a real battle going on inside this guy, but he doesn't know it. I don't think he doesn't cook because he doesn't want to. I think he doesn't cook because it gives him an excuse to leave the house and interact with other people.

He's not the recluse he thinks he is. He was all gloomy and morose inside the house, but once he got out of the house, he livened right up. A true recluse would've moaned and complained the entire time and wanted nothing more than to go back inside his house.

He knows---unconsciously---his isolation is destroying him, destroying his emotional connection to other people, and that getting out of that house is putting that emotional connection back.



You're exactly right - but he doesn't go out because he's writing. He doesn't date because his childhood sweetheart was killed and he thinks himself responsible. He isn't close to people because they leave him. Chapter 4 and 5 give some insight into this part of his character, as do the flashbacks towards the end of the book which are not posted.

If an editor sends this back -- at least I'll know they read it. For now, Hale will remain cute on the outside and creepy on the inside. Thanks soooooo much for offering this indepth crit. You really "got" my character as I have painted him. He may not be right for the mass market, but he is right for me.

I do appreciate your time above all else. Thank you for making me think.

JeffCorkern wrote 223 days ago

This needs a better ending.

A couple of comments about your protag.

IMO, he thinks he knows himself, but he doesn't, not really. He thinks he keeps thinking of himself as a bad guy, but that he really isn't.

At the moment, that's true. But if he keeps living like he does---isolated from people--he's going to turn into a bad guy. The intense isolation will destroy him. The process has already started. There are some real red flags. The bad housekeeping. The irritable reaction when people show up at his door. Walking around his house with no shirt on.

But more than anything else, the vast sense of emotional disconnectedness that underlies every word in this novel, the lack of empathy.

He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt an innocent female has been buried alive---and his emotional reaction is almost ZERO. And even then, his reaction is irritation at what it's doing to HIM. It's all about him. Not the female. This lack of reaction to other people being hurt shows up again and again, although it's starting to get better by the end of the novel, because he's been exposed so much to other people.

A LOT of readers are going to be turned off by this. They're not going to be able to say why, but they're going to feel in their guts there's something not right with this guy.

This guy is walking down a dark road. He's only taken a few steps, but it's definitely the direction he's headed. The process has only barely started. I wasn't surprised to learn the protag was only 28 years old.

This is not what this guy really wants. There's a real battle going on inside this guy, but he doesn't know it. I don't think he doesn't cook because he doesn't want to. I think he doesn't cook because it gives him an excuse to leave the house and interact with other people.

He's not the recluse he thinks he is. He was all gloomy and morose inside the house, but once he got out of the house, he livened right up. A true recluse would've moaned and complained the entire time and wanted nothing more than to go back inside his house.

He knows---unconsciously---his isolation is destroying him, destroying his emotional connection to other people, and that getting out of that house is putting that emotional connection back.

If I were an editor, I'd send this back with an order that this character be more connected to other people, that he FEEL more.

JeffCorkern wrote 224 days ago

Man, I have ZERO problem backing this. This is certainly one guy the HC editors should read.

One comment.

This protag is an introvert to the MAX, man. A pretty girl forces her way into his apartment, and he's actually MAD about it. IMO, the real reason he's mad at these ghosts is because they force him go out into the world and face people. This could be a problem for the average reader, who might eventually get tired of listening to this guy moaning and groaning ALL the damn time. As an editor, I might recommend cutting WAY down on all the interior stuff. Not all of it, mind, because that is the way he is, but a lot of it.

Jeff Corkern
AFTER THE AWAKENING

Ismay wrote 224 days ago

It posted this twice, dam Authonomy!

Ismay wrote 224 days ago

I must admit books written in the present tense always put me off, but it does add the air of immediacy to your story. I like the premise, it is mysterious enough to hook me and the dialogue is real and convincing. Loved that line 'its easy to separate yourself from reality when you're a writer' ha ha! irony to Authonomists and within the story ;-)

J.V. Douglas wrote 224 days ago

This is absolutely intriguing and difficult to put down, so to speak. This is a mystery that I want to solve along with the character. Very realistic. Easy to read and follow, drawing you in and keeping you there. Best of luck with it. You should do well.

Brad Pringle wrote 225 days ago

This is one of the more intriguing premises I've come across on this site. Your writing has a very natural flow to it, your words are paced perfectly as they describe scenes and actions with literary precision. Hale seems like an honest guy, someone the reader can side with right away. The fact that he's a writer with a strange writing "talent" makes it all the more interesting.

Only two chapters in so far, but it's on my watchlist. Good work, B.J.

Brad Pringle
Tran Zam

mgrbec wrote 225 days ago

Hello Bj, (re: ch. seven, hope this is helpful) this is an exciting story with an incredibly dense subtext. The characters are well realised and i especially enjoyed the casual banter between writer and ed. Dialogue is your strong point, and the directness of it could work well throughout your structure (adds pace) eg, some early paragraghs could be broken into individual ideas eg. the death of Tommy seems important enough to have it's own paragragh (like your character's speech gets it's own line???)//some micros: when he's searching for a radio station, I wanted to hear the music/soundtrack - classical, mellow rock???//Loved 'saying it out loud it feels right' -that whole, he gets visions, and thanks to you we do'//Lol at 'lotto' but then the explanatory nature of the next paragragh was like shiftin down to second (from five) - not sure it's needed when there's so many 'psychological' new elsewhere//Loved the layere of senses - feeling, smelling - loved them...especially 'feel the warmth in hand'// loved the brievity of 'curtains - lol; and then at ed's clarification...// there's a whole lot of repeats at the end - not sure if they're intentional but i didn't enjoy the feeling - made me think I'd lost my spot of the page, ''band name... musician... lawyer...'//Mostly i 'felt' i was within the story and easily see it as a very popular drama series (especially with those characters -the 'team') (there's a program called dramatica, i think by Movie Magic that helps with screenplay structuring - I'm sure this story is strong and exciting enough... - and your dialogue :) ps. have you considered starting that chapter with ed's dialogue?? Best wishes for publishing success, or at the least, telly series success, Monique Grbec (The Male Influence)