Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter Life Crisis---
Hi there,
What a great writer you are. Like others have said, the voice is really strong and it flows effortlessly. I think it's great that you have written this and that it's a non-fiction book. How healing that must be. I know writing has helped me get through just about everything in life. I liked your profile too and can relate - I'm just plain obsessive.
Good job on this and on all your accomplishments.
Shelved for sure.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

That girl,

Sorry my salutation doesn't sound more friendly, I don't know what else to call you!

I'm returning your read of Appetites yesterday. Thank you for your comments and support.

I love the pitches (short and long) for this work, and the cover. You seem to me to have a very marketable package.

The work opens with great voice. That first sentence establishs a conversational tone that you don't lose.

My first, minor, observation is that you describe the Pennsylvanian speech, you use caps for emphasis: These always make me think of shouting, I think italics might be more appropriate if you're merely trying to indicate a rising inflection (as a non-American I'm afraid I'm not across the subtlties of regional accents).

Later on I think there's a missing word: Josh was in a band [had] a lip ring, and pyschotic girlfriend.

The dialogue's great. I'read throught the first chapter with few comments. This is poignant stuff.

Chapter two is equally bleak and equally honest.

I have little to offer by way of critique, but I will give this a spin on my shelf.

As a 21 year old girl, it doesn't take much stretch of the imagination to figure out why your pitch caught my attention. Your writing and stories are fun and perfectly capture what an uncomfortable stage of life this can be! Love it!

Ach, I don't think I was ever really young. Ach, no I was never vain, or scared, and definitely never fabulous. I like the bitten down nails though... The title makes me wonder what a full life crisis might be like. So much of what we think important just isn't. I'm not the right reader though, so I can't really comment. Maybe I shouldn't, but, the keyboard, ah the keyboard ... just ... G'luck!

Quarter Life Crisis...

Really fine writing! The stories are engaging (I've read the first three), particularly because the characterizations and motivations are so true to life and because you show rather than tell.

A lot of chick lit goes overboard, but this is subtly done. Bravo!

Shelved enthusiastically.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions...trying to revise and keep my place on the Desk at the same time...)

It is my guess that having two books under your name is splitting your vote, especially if one sounds the more interesting but is incomplete.
I know little about chick lit and apparently even less about teenage plus girls, although I have two daughters. This reads just like a diary, it sounded completely true. Is it true? I do hope you've changed the names. I found it interesting and funny. But I do think it is a mistake to use as many commas as you do. I know exactly why, because I do it myself. You are reading this aloud and you want your reader to be amused at the emphasis that you give a word by putting it within commas. But I believe it would be better to put that stressed word in itallics or even capitals. I was tripped up by your commas. Read Beginner's Luke to see what I mean. He achieves a lovely free flow. I also noted a few words were missing. I thus think that this is a super start, but a work in progress. I shall thus put it on my wlist and on my shelf for a while directly I have a space.

Hey That girl!

I read "Lifestyles" and loved that so I thougth I'd give your other book a go too, (It's difficult having two books on the site sometimes - people generally only tend to read the first one they see)

Quarter life crisis - SO, so funny. I love the "hierachy" of best friends in school. When you look back as an adult you can laugh, but as a child, whichever "circle" you are in seems like the most important thing going on in your life - you write this with warmth and humour.

Carrying on reading, but eyes are getting blary - so wanted to comment & shelve before bed! ;O)

Love Bev, x

Love OVerboard & Thicker Than Water

I've only read ch1, but wow! Everything you wrote is something I have experienced in my life at some point or another. Hell, even at this moment...
You had me right away with the 'world development' while playing Barbies, but then never actually playing. My sister and I would set up their houses--elaborate, crazy ones complete with binder walls and such--but then get bored once we decided their names and back stories, etc...
And the friends.
And the guy..
Your style is great is flows so well and is chatty and fun, but also well written. Not just a journal type of book, yet it delves that deeply. I'm so reading on, but I'm already shelving!!
Perfect timing to read this, too. Up late at night feeling utterly alone... Thanks!

-Eden
(The Abandoned Edge of Avalon)

I had a similar idea to yours. I'm 23 and i feel like i could write an entire encyclopedia with the stuff i have learned about life in just a few short years. I was eager to read your work and see how you presented your ideas. I read through some of chapter one and also some of chapter 4 (i took your advice and skipped around). So far so good. i really didn't get to read that much but i'm going to put it on my shelf for now and read more indepth when i have more time.

That Girl You Love,

First off, great screen name. It was the first thing that captured my eye, followed quickly by your short pitch. If they hadn’t done the trick, your writing certainly pulled me in. Regrettably, I’ve only read the first two, but I promise I’ll be back for more. Here are a few comments:

Best Friends Forever: This is such a whirlwind of information. I feel I got to know your MC (you?) in a short period of time, to the point where I wanted to send a text at the end and tell her everything would be all right. A few notes:

‘Josh was in a band, a lip ring, and a psychotic girlfriend.’ (I think you’re missing he ‘had’ a lip ring)

‘…I kind of hoped his and would get signed and then famous…’ (missing a word there. Become?)

Black Hole Family

“Well, you seem like nice enough girls,” he winked and feeling Alyssa’s elbow dig into my side, showed my teeth at him in a semblance of a smile. (Doesn’t quite work; ‘he winked’ isn’t really a proper tag. Alyssa elbowing her should probably be a separate sentence and I think you need an “I’ before ‘showed my teeth’)

“It’s just one shot. It’ll be okay.” (The ‘she smiled’ that follows tells us it’s Alyssa talking, but that’s not immediately clear. You could add a tag between the two sentences and that would alleviate any confusion).

‘…and the Groupies eyes flashed…’ (Should be Groupies’)

‘JC had thrown him out a few minutes later…’(this isn’t the right tense. It should either be, “JC had him thrown out a few minutes later…” or “JC threw him out a few minutes later…”)

~Steve

Very, very funny. I love your short and long pitch. I don't have time to read more than one chapter as I'm on night duty but I'll get back to it next week when I'm off. Some great dialogue. You really capture the essence of school politics. I especially like the first bit about the girl she didn't like who was her best friend. I would suggest you shorten your longer paragraphs to make it a little easier to read. But that's all shelved.

I read your stuff on FP and now I'm reading it here :) What's weirder is that I live in Northern VA, specifically Reston, so I know all the places you've talked about in this story. I like "Quarter Life Crisis" much more than "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" because I think your voice is clearer in your non-fiction. I recognized the story about TJ from "The Breakup Diaries" (or something like that) and all the details you added this time around made the story that much more emotional for me. And the chapter about your mother and it -- it's a subtle thing in "Lifestyles", but it's done better here. It's got more emotion to it, rather than just being an easy way to explain Nyx's unbelievable life-changing events.

I really like what you're doing with this book and I can't wait to read more,

summers-end

Quarter Life Crisis---
Hi there,
What a great writer you are. Like others have said, the voice is really strong and it flows effortlessly. I think it's great that you have written this and that it's a non-fiction book. How healing that must be. I know writing has helped me get through just about everything in life. I liked your profile too and can relate - I'm just plain obsessive.
Good job on this and on all your accomplishments.
Shelved for sure.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

That girl,

Sorry my salutation doesn't sound more friendly, I don't know what else to call you!

I'm returning your read of Appetites yesterday. Thank you for your comments and support.

I love the pitches (short and long) for this work, and the cover. You seem to me to have a very marketable package.

The work opens with great voice. That first sentence establishs a conversational tone that you don't lose.

My first, minor, observation is that you describe the Pennsylvanian speech, you use caps for emphasis: These always make me think of shouting, I think italics might be more appropriate if you're merely trying to indicate a rising inflection (as a non-American I'm afraid I'm not across the subtlties of regional accents).

Later on I think there's a missing word: Josh was in a band [had] a lip ring, and pyschotic girlfriend.

The dialogue's great. I'read throught the first chapter with few comments. This is poignant stuff.

Chapter two is equally bleak and equally honest.

I have little to offer by way of critique, but I will give this a spin on my shelf.

I see that you are one of the writers who's written not one, but two great novels. I've shelved them both.

Rodney

Thought provoking these storys. I think this is a very unusual book. or mabe it's me. this kept my head down. a bit puzzled at times.probly I do not know how a woman thinks. going to back it for a while.