The Exiles

Sorry,

I found the first chapter slow and too full of background info dump. I suggest you start the story where it will be the most interesting, Simon alone on the ship and work the first chapter info later in the book. Use the mystery of why Simon is alone on a disabled ship as a tool to hook the reader and keep him turning pages.

DaveR
Alien Ways

What an excellent story.
There are always bits where one asks, 'would I have written it that way?' but the writing is great and the pace perfect for the storyline.
It really makes you want to read on.
This was a story I was immesred in and that is rare on Authnomy.
Backed unreservedly and lots of those star thingies.

I have read the first few chapters and like a lot. I will read the rest soon. I have put your book on my shelf. Hope you can do the same for my friend Mark (MDWS77).

I put this on my watchlist and hope to get to soon. Also highly rated. I hope you can check out my friend's book, Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis.

This has captured my attention. Fine writing and a great premise with Simon's isolation. His upbringing is a great subject for psychology and sociology. What would it be like to learn talking and reading from a computer? Sex education from a computer does not go well, I see.

I would like to see more emphasis on the importance of the mission. Besides exploration. Perhaps if there was an urgent need for him to help humans on a dying earth find a planet to colonize then it would make his mission more important.

You have done well with this work. I am happy to back it.

Brian Bandell
Mute

Hello Raymond,

I have backed this book also, though I have not read it all but I will continue the read.

BACKED
Denise
The Letter

Dear Raymond, What a story -growing up in a pod - I was glad to see you added romance later on - great creativity & fantasy - a world to step into. :) You may want to cut longer paragraphs in 2 or more for us with short attentions spans who tend to miss the middles. :) Now, on to your last book. :) Love, Susie. :) p.s. I do hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :)

THE EXILES
What an imaginative story: a boy grows up as the only survivor on a space mission. It’s underistandable why he’s so anxious to make friends with Leet. Where their friendship is going to lead them is intriguing. Makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (GraIn of Salt).

Beautifully written with a different twist on scifi and the human equation, nurture or nature. good start alive with sharp imagery and a story that sweeps along.

Hi Raymund, you have a good premise here, explorinf what would ahppen if a baby got left with only a robot voice to bring him up. Simon makes for an intriguing character and his wonder at everything is brought out in the story. Leet too, is an interesting personality, I am not sure i would react the same way at being confronted by an alien.
For me, the format is a litle harsh. Becaase there are no chapters or numbered paragraphs it is very easy to lose one's place and not find it again for ages. Perhaps you could address this? I found your opening very exciting but then it drifted off a bit before we got to the planet. then it speeded up then it slowed down. In my opinion you haven't quite decided if this is a novel or a short story yet but are playing with pace and plot.
Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown
ps now I shall have the planet's suite playing in my brain all afternoon!

Welcome aboard, Raymund. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. You may wanna end it with just one succinct question instead of the several I saw spread throughout. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

sorry raymund but i just could not get into this one, but i wish you all the luck.

alison

backed.

shah