Life Bringer

Tony, BRILLIANT. I have read all of what you posted. Your imaginative,intrigueing premise is captivating. Your love story is so touching and powerful that it propels the reader forward with bated breathe, praying for their lives to be reunited.

It is a rare gift when a writer can develop two strong storylines that are completely unrelated, yet equally powerful. This will without a doubt be published and should be a blockbuster movie.

Your character development and natural conversational dialogue brings the characters and situations to life with such ease.I hate that this is inomplete and I hope you will let me know if you upload more..

This book is a WINNER on every level...Backed with True Admiration Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

The details! The beauty of this book is in the details! The prologue is excellent--you can really see the scene that you set, and in the first few chapters it's not just the excellent description that brings everything to life. It's the little things, like that they were listening to "It's a kind of magic" by Queen. These are the things that really make it special and very very readable. Having worked in a veterinary setting, I can't help but like the main character (and I think you've got a good handle on all the technical stuff), and this kind of magical realism or urban fantasy is one of my favorite genres. This is probably one of the best things I've read anywhere on this site. Thumbs up, hope to see it soon on the shelves next to the big guys!

Hi Tony, Wow! This is one of those books that you start reading, not sure if you are going to like it or not - and then you just can't put it down. I loved it right from the prologue. You actually made me shiver when Mirabelle started pawing at the ground and whinying, and then went silent. And then Dan wakes up and finds himself and his family - where? A place with two moons? OOOH! I would LOVE to buy this book! Shelved and the very best of luck, janie.

I must say I really like the way it starts off. It has that thrill and mystery that opens it. It makes the reader dive into your book from the start.
The switch is a little slow paced at first, but it does pick up.
I like the title and the pitch.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Just stopped by for a quick read. I like this Tony, good work. Did you end up getting this self-published? The cloud sounds like something Stephen King would write about. I think the only drawback is that you're using omni pov? Or you switch pov a lot. This is jarring for the reader because the reader doesn't strongly identify with and relate to one particular character. I think to improve this work, you may want to look at choosing one character and basing the pov on them. I realise that other authors do use omni pov, but I don't think it's warranted here, and it may be why you have a low number of backers. The pov issue is about the only thing I could 'pick' on here. Other than that, the story is really enjoyable and written well, and if pov doesn't bother you or the target reader, then this is a great book. I wish you well for your success. Monicque. :)

Life Bringer.
by Tony Freeman.

This to me is a winner!!
A compelling read from the start...edge of the seat stuff with plenty of twists and turns.
A well thought out, put together, thrilling story.
From chapter one it captures the reader and holds them there at all costs.
There's something about this cloud that won't let you put the book down, even if the phone rings, so to speak.
Would have liked to see a more ominous book cover for what is an excellent book.
Very pleased to star rate it high, it deserves it, that's for certain. I intend to shelve it very shortly.

Kind regards,

Neville.THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - THE TIME ZONE.

I give this high stars. If my shelf had room , it would be on it. I was reminded of Neville Shute's On the Beach. The pitch certainly keeps its promise. There's a good signalling in the beginning with the horse pawing; the mundane everyday is highlighted by opening on the female MC clipping the poodle's nails (perfect); the actuality of the first crisis with the red hills appearingand the strong sense that this is not all . . . very well done. Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

It is really an indicator to the future. Because, this world is heading to a red corner, not green corner. We cannot expect much goodness from future, because our past and present is not so good. We are thinking and working against nature and eager to capture much more. This kind of greedy thinking is leading us to the verge of a disappearance process from the surface of this earth. The life and eco system on the earth is facing threat. The threat may from aliens or from ourselves. It depends on our activities. Certainly this novel is an eye-opener.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Tony, this is wonderful to rerad. I saw minor errors, but that will come. You have a good imagination, which shines through. It is a captivating storyline with potiental. Hope for the best!

Penny Leigh
The Glass Serpent

Hi Tony,
I just backed your book. The premise of your book is exciting and very much a page turner. However, it's needs a little work with the characterization of the mother. Her actions are not credible in light of the predicament thefamily is in. In fact, all of Dan's family are a little too complacient in my opinion.

I've only read 5 chapters so far, but I will continue reading since I'm curious as to what is going to happen.

By the way, loved your prologue.

Hello Tony - It's great to revisit Life Bringer, and this book is more exciting than ever. Since I read some of it last year, I read Stephen King's The Dome. Your book reminds me of The Dome in many ways, except I think I actually prefer yours, probably because there's nobody I relate to in King's book like I relate to Tasha. She's an ideal MC, in my opinion. I love her because she's a vet, and her interractions with Dan in the beginning feel very natural, not overly romantic (which is refreshing, since it's pre-wedding). You waste no time in bringing in that cloud - it's front and center from the beginning. This is good - nobody would want to read for a long time (getting to know the setting, characters, etc.) when there's a hint of this coming. It's like a silent weird dream, small at first, that billows into a nightmare. Your style is clean and yet natural, and the descriptions of the physical happenings do not overpower the story, but you give enough to produce vivid images. By the end of chapter three, I can't imagine anybody not wanting more. We're talking about two moons, a missing farm, wildlife and marshes eaten by a cloud. -
Bravo - I'm glad I came back.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Tony, I really like this idea. Although I'm not a big sci'fi fan, it's the thriller aspect that attracted me along with the intriguing premise. I'd definitely like to see how this develops.
The only thing I'd point out it that I've heard publishers prefer the form 'the man said' rather than 'said the man', but that's a tiny point and probably a matter of preference.
This is going on my shelf for some deserved support!

Hi,
I read quite a few chapters of this, up to the 10th and this is a good read. I like the dual story lines, makes it more interesting. The only suggestion I have is to work on your imagery with the black cloud, Rather than saying it had grown tremendously, try something more evocative, like "the cloud of destruction spread like a plague encompassing, etc,"
On my watch list and good luck!
Roberta

Tony, read another chapter, really unsettling atmosphere with the family being trapped in an unknown situation and the other people starting to look for them. Word forgotten in Separated, 2nd paragraph add 'his' before own bed. Nothing important I know. I'll read more soon. Hannah

I have finished fourteen chapters now, and I am hungry for more. The tension builds and holds. As I've said before, changing the scene from one place to the next is a powerful technique for this story.

One question - I don't know anything about plastic. Is it made from natural materials? Glass is made from sand, but I don't know about plastic, and this gave me pause when I read about the bottle. The idea of weighting the bottle and throwing it into the cloud is just brilliant. I await your later chapters.

PWH

This is not a genre I would normally choose to read, but I'm glad I did.
The prose is so unobtrusive that I was quickly so absorbed in the story I had no time to be critically aware of possible faults.
Well written and interesting. I wish you well with it.
Kind regards, James Rainsford. (The Incredible Layla Moon)

Simply magnificent! I have read all eleven chapters today, and I urge you to keep writing. This will be a book that SELLS and one that will eventually be made into a great movie. I don't know where it's going, but I have been mesmerized from the first chapter. The scenes are well drawn, the dialogue is real. This is science fiction at its best - not filled with fancy technical jargon, but filled with suspense. Bravo!

Backed with pleasure.

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

This is good. It starts well, and gets better. I've seen several stories on this site that have a good first chapter, but only one. This keeps getting stronger.

My only suggestion - 'goatee beard' is redundant. One or the other is all you need.

Happy to back.

Ach, I was instantly reminded of a real black cloud in my neighbourhood a couple of years ago when and oil depot blew up one morning -- Bunsfield, Hemel Hempstead, England -- creating Europe's largest peactime plume of smoke. Twas quite disturbing for a couple of days and at one point I actually thought of jumping into my car with my family. So your story resonates with this reader. I also like the way you flip from just another ordinary day, to the cloud's malevolent progress. BACKED with pleasure.

Bloody hell, I am faimilar with a certain villa in Cannes and so I cld picture such a place vividly. I like the brief intro. and will read on.

Greetings, thank you for your comments on WATCHING SWIFTS. Here I am, don't want to be in red on your spread sheet! I like your wise attitude to this slush pile malarky we are all milling around in. I also like your pitch, it puts me in mind of the Stand. I will just go and do some skipping and see if my wife wants some wine, then I will take a read.

Tony,

Thanks for reading mine and since I don't want to be one of the 200 that haven't returned the read, I found the time to read the first main chapter (#2).

I don't do sci fi with the exception of Dan Simmons (Hyperion trilogy?) that was 20 years ago I guess. Here's why: fiction is at its best, regardless of genre, when the reader connects with the characters in the book. And I think what's crucial in that is conflict among them, not against some external force. In this first chapter, I see a blithely happy couple, their lives perfect in every way who have nothing but golden sunshine to look forward to in their future. Except there's a black cloud.

So, as a reader sampling the book, I wouldn't go any further. There's nothing interesting for me. Now, as I said, I'm not a fan of sci fi. But I think I could be if sci fi authors were more like Dan Simmons, who is a fantastic writer. NOT just a fantastic sci fi writer. A fantastic writer ... period. His characters have flaws, their conflict with one another. And they do it in the context of the supernatural or futuristic or whatever. But it's good fiction to start.

Tell me that the characters show their flaws in later chapters and I'll read on, that their difficulties (on a new world?) cause them to fight amongst themselves. I'd love that. But as they stand, they're just a little bit too much like cardboard cutouts. Or like the happy family picture that comes with any new store-bought frame. Shiny, happy people.

Thanks again for your critique of my work and please let me know if you think I'm way off base here.

Good luck,

Will

I can see why Life Bringer is so highly ranked here. I love the way the book starts, with the black cloud taking a frog and nobody noticing. It’s just a perfect beginning. In fact this entire book is imaginative (I looked at all ten chapters that were available). Author
Tony Freeman is a master at jumping around the world, keeping us up to date with what the cloud is doing, while we focus on the main story revolving around Dan and the missing farm. This reads very much like a Stephen King novel and I have read quite a few of them. It’s seriously that good. My only regret is that more of it isn’t posted, or I would have surely followed this riveting tale to the end.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Tony, As I said before - and many with me - this is brilliant writing. I do agree with one critic that you need to check very carefully on all Adam's reactions when he wakes up in another "world". I can't put my finger on it but you have to think through all the steps of his actions and thoughts very carefully at that phase in the book to keep the reader in suspense and still continue with the story. Sometimes, I feel you use too much dialogue and too little description. Then it seems like incessant talking on paper.
I absolutely do not agree with you that you should self-publish. You should make that dash for the editor's office NOW. Just believe in your own product for 200%. Starting with rewriting that negative profile! I am serious here, it will not attract the newbies on this site and you could do with their support as well! Meanwhile, you remain on my shelf until you topple off by yourself or have listened to me :-)!!!! Hannah

Really, really enjoyed the opening chapters. Intriguing read and wonderfully elegant writing style..
Backed with pleasure, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Tony, BRILLIANT. I have read all of what you posted. Your imaginative,intrigueing premise is captivating. Your love story is so touching and powerful that it propels the reader forward with bated breathe, praying for their lives to be reunited.

It is a rare gift when a writer can develop two strong storylines that are completely unrelated, yet equally powerful. This will without a doubt be published and should be a blockbuster movie.

Your character development and natural conversational dialogue brings the characters and situations to life with such ease.I hate that this is inomplete and I hope you will let me know if you upload more..

This book is a WINNER on every level...Backed with True Admiration Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Wow - what an atmosphere you manage to create! I particularly liked the prologue. I've only read the first chapter but would happily read more if I had the time and a hard copy. You have all the ingredients of a thrilling story here and I wish you well with it.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Tony, I am sure you are just a normal, normal man - right? How is the name of heavens did this idea of a story gets into your head???? Actually it started normal enough, then silently the thing (just me describing my experience) crept up on me - I think it is the silent, almost normal build up that really frightens the bejasus out of me, all the time. Wonderful! Backed with thunder, storm and lightening :) Hanyxxx

This is a very original idea, great emotion, great writing, LOVE IT! You said in your bio that you plan to self-publish in the near future. If that is still true, please let me know when you do, as I would absolutely love to support you and buy it - and I go crazy not knowing how things end!

Dear Tony,

The prologue is fantastic! I love it! And you know what? I was listening to It's a kind of magic while reading your book! :)
I love how you describe everything. The details are really important if you're writing a mystery/romance/thriller. Since being a romance writer I got attracted to your book, and also because I really love mysteries. Although I've read only a few chapters, I have to say your writing is compelling and you've wonderfully fleshed out the characters. Good job!

BACKED for sure.

AmberSparks
Breathe

A very enjoyable read, backed with a great deal of pleasure.

I like the buildup of simple things that somehow are not as they should be. A fascinating read and progressing slow enough to keep the reader on edge, especially after reading the pitch and knowing what is to come. Just a small thing in the pitch: first sentence in long pitch, if you use "his" control referring to "man," meaning Everyman, I wonder is "Man" shouldn't be capped. If not, I might suggest using "their" control, modifying with Dan and Tasha

LIFE BRINGER
Ch I to 5
Prologue is a simple and powerful start to your tale. There at the beautiful Chateau, "no one remained."
Mysterious. What is wrong? The reader has to read on.
In Chapter One, you show the frog and the dragonfly being consumed by the cloud. The lake shrinks. Nothing seems safe. That is sinister.
Tasha, a young vet, drives to Dale Farm to meet Dan, her fiance.They are happy and thinking about their wedding, joking together etc, but there are hints of menace all around them. It's not enough to worry Dan and Tasha, but because the reader knows about the black cloud, it's enough to add suspense and tension. Maribelle the horse is unsettled, there's a strange smell in the air, Dan has the beginning of a migraine and on the lake, ducks disappear..
In the evening, there's stronger indications something strange is happening. The electricity flickers, the internet is disconnected, the nearby fertile marshland has become a desert. The black cloud is heading for the farmhouse and yet the family are unaware and go to bed. Great tension here.
You leave us in suspense at the end of Chapter One.The mare whinnied and then there was silence. As the dawn breaks over the land that was once Dale Farm, the black cloud has left a desert. In a remote forest, the cloud begins to gather again. What has happened to Dan and his family? What is this black cloud. and had it come for the farm deliberately?
Chapter Two is dramatic and you build up the tension effectively, because the reader is as confused as Dan is. He can't open his eyes at first and then why is his bedroom different? What has happened to the windows? The whole family gather in a confused and anxious state. Then the awful realisation: there are red hills, two moons and strange blue trees. They are not on earth. Dan has a blinding flash of pain. He starts a migraine.
As they look around to see what they have left, they find food, the horses, the other livestock and some of the crops. But most metal things have gone: the remote controls,.all clocks and watches, except for Adam's watch, a few knives in water and a spade hidden in the manure. The man made fabrics have gone (such as nylon clothing) so have the bath and aga cooker. As Dan works out what they need to survive, he realises Adam's asthma seems better. I'm wondering is this because the air is cleaner? Less pollution? Maybe the black cloud is cleaning up the world?
Dan's father tries to see the reason for some items disappearing and others staying with them. He suggests it might be something to do with being living or next to living things. Chrissie gets on with making some breakfast. As they laugh together, I'm feeling that if any family can survive, Dan's family can.
Tasha is worried when Dan doesn't answer the mobile phone and you show her anxiety . She races over to the farm and sees the desert that's been left. Best friend Filip and Sherrif Ben come to her rescue as she collapses in shock. Despite the danger, Filip is going into the ruined land to see what he can find. You end the chapter on an effective cliffhanger. What will Filip discover?
Nit:
Chapter One: Paragraph beginning "Within a few minutes of his gentle..." r is missing from "stroked" in "Dan st[r]oked its head.."
Very atmospheric and tense as the cloud closes in on the farm, with Dan and family unaware of the danger. Once they are in the strange land , their confusion and fear is convincing. I'm wondering if they will find anyone else who has been "moved" by the cloud? Will they get together to start a new community? I'm thinking Dan and his Dad, even younger brother Adam and slightly nervous mother, will be pretty good at adapting to a life without electricity and computers. They can harvest the crops and have the horses as transport, plus there's the food sources of the pigs and hens...they might be better off in some ways, eg if the air is good . Interesting. BACKED.
Cherry G
The Girl from Ithaca

An intriguing read and unlike anything encountered so far herein. A pinch of menace some innocent bystanders and a much reduced ecosystem. I wanted to laugh as well but then it seemed a bit serious so I held back. Nicely written and ridiculously dark. ( no pun intended!)

Best wishes

Richard

Men of Dunwich

The prologue and chapter one are written in an eloquent yet, powerful way. After I read the prologue, shivers went sent down my spine. The abstract beauty of your work is impressive, especially how you started chapter one. Backed with pleasure, I"ll read more later on :}.

I really enjoy the idea of this black cloud. I fan and writer of fantasy, I love seeing things that make me want to find out where or how they originated. Nicely done. Captivating.
Hope you enjoyed Twin Fates. Thanks for the read. (I'll be placing it on my watch list until I can find some time to read through the rest of it!)
~Richard

Tornados and wild animals are the usual dangers for a farming family, not a black cloud. Adrian, Chrissie, Dan and Adam, their farm, and some of its contents are transported to an alien world , but they have no idea how this came to be. The previous evening the family just went to bed as normal.
Like the pioneers of the old wild west, stabling and riding horses should be of some assistance, and with the disapearance of a lot of mod cons, they may have to adapt to their new living conditions like it is a frontier post.
Overall the same kind of fears if it was a British family marooned don't materialize because these are hardy Americans, will they recover any one else who has fallen victim to the cloud.
It is the suitability factor that is most appealing about this story, can you imagine how a family from a council house in Peckham might deal with it.
Great idea.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

Hi Tony. I really powerful novel with good characters and dialogue. There does appear to have been a few improvments made since I last read your novel. The plot and flow are good and characters strong and react together well. I am going to attempt to back again and see what happens. Kindest Regards. James.

This appears to have the trappings of a first class mystery wrapped in a shell of suspense with a dash of science fiction (or maybe fantasy) thrown in for good measure. I do so love a good genre salad. :P

There are also great characters and great prose. Backed.
–Phil

This appears to have the trappings of a first class mystery wrapped in a shell of suspense with a dash of science fiction (or maybe fantasy) thrown in for good measure. I do so love a good genre salad. :P

There are also great characters and great prose. Backed.
–Phil

Tony,
An intriguing pitch, which sounds quite original. I like your prose. Your descriptions read like a picture.
Best of luck with this.

Marilyn

This is really excellent stuff! A very exciting and intriguing plot that had me turning the page with anticipation. Your style of writing is beautifully descriptive and you set your scenes very well. Your characters are real and believable and their dialogue very natural. This is a very original idea and I really like where it seems to be going. I thoroughly enjoyed what I read.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Great hook start, believable characters and dialogue, descritpions spot on, pace and structure just right. I do tend to agree with the comment that Dan decided he was on another world rather quickly - I'd have suspected the Russkies myself or the Chinese, but the slow build up of understanding amongst those not taken is nicely done. One absolutely wants to know what's going to happen, which is what this site is all about. Backed Jaye

An intriguing idea for a story which is efficiently executed and keeps the reader interested in its outcome. In places it could do with upping the tempo a little by pruning redundant descriptions or dialogue. There’s perhaps too much focus near the beginning on the wedding preparations and expectations; and a little too much sentimentality and back-story which doesn’t really add much. Some things can be left unsaid. As an example, the last sentence in the last-but-one section of Realization is unnecessary. In fact, if anything, it reduces the tension. If we know already that they are going to survive ... then why bother reading on?
One thing rings a little untrue, at least to me, is Dan’s initial reaction on waking up and finding so many weird things around him. I think it’s a little unconvincing how fast he realizes he’s on another planet. Perhaps it’s more realistic, and would work better for the story, if he (and the reader) thinks he’s still on Earth, but that something very weird is going on. Maybe he shouldn’t realize he’s on another planet until after we’ve followed Tasha to the farm and seen that in reality it’s no longer there.
Also, Dan seems to have largely forgotten about Tasha! Whereas she has a breakdown on realizing Dan is gone, he hardly gives her a single thought. Wouldn’t his first thoughts be to a) contact the authorities and then b) wonder whether Tasha is OK and whether the same thing has happened to her? Does she need his help? Is she as scared as he is? And where did those red hills come from?
I think the story really picks up and becomes most interesting in the chapter On the News (but perhaps that’s because I live in London!). And I am really interested to know how it is all going to end ...

Hi Tony - We backed again despite doing so moths ago. You have great promise here and just wander if you have yet seeked representation? If not then you should. If yes then continue because you have that x factor - andy and vesna

To Tony Freeman (Life Bringer)

I think most of the compliments have been awarded, so all I would say is, great bit of writing. A lot of work has gone into this book and I would compliment you on that too. I'm BACKING your book and have a spot on my bookshelf for it. Good luck with your writing.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Life Bringer - The prologue had an economy of words that had just the right tone of menace about it. A good start. I think you have taken 'show not tell' too much to heart. A lot of the details are not needed for instance - knowing what Tasha did with her negligee and making her bed - I, as the reader, didn't care. You appear to do this a lot and to my mind this slows down the pace and dumbs down the tension you are clearly trying to build. I think you have a good concept - you need to tighten your story up and cut out details that do nothing to move the story along. I really liked the family had been transported to another planet, this twist, maybe the cloud is not as sinister as thought, was very good. It also keeps the reader guessing - pushing them to read further.

Child - Atramentus Speaks

Tony,
Life Bringer.....What an intriguing story I like the way you continued the atmosphere into the first chapter. The cloud seems very sinister. The mystery of the story and the fast changes of scenery, puts the reader in control while foreshadowing the feeling of lasting uncertainty. I've read up to chapter 4 just to see beyond the first shock of the discovery. It is a really good story with strong characters.
Njoyed
*moods and expressions*

It reminds me of The Fog. I've read books and seen movies about fogs like this. All very weird and totally sucks you in. So yes, I'm sucked in. You're on my shelf.

Jewels

I've read the first five chapters. It's a swell concept and makes for an interesting tale. I agree with your idea that it needs a bit of a rewrite. There are typos and mistakes and the characters could use a little rounding and deepening although I realize it is mainly a plotted tale.
I will back it.
John Meeks, Bogey's Final Gift

This is good writing. Fascinating, original plot... descriptive narrative that makes it wonderfully interesting to read. You have likeable, relatable characters in Dan and Tasha. A very enjoyable read.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

HI TONY 'LIFE BRINGER'

gripped in the horror of this book almost from the start' what a brillient prologue
the shortest and snappiest yet and explains the black cloud problem in seconds
make one want to read and thats for sure
have read some of it and will read more, i can say that this suspensfull science thriller is one of the best i have
read on the site to date, i bet David Lynch mov ie director would like to get his hands on it , rember his movie
The Fog
this is powerful writing
backed
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
back mine if your lilke it however different genre thanks