The Big God Network

Very well rendered and you have a real gift for descriptive prose! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

This is well written with a dry wit and some excellent descriptive gems. My only criticism would be the sheer volume of names, places and concepts which come at the reader right from the off. A great deal of them do not need to be introduced until later in the story, otherwise it becomes nigh on unintelligible. Hope this sounds as constructive as I intended and not just a heartless kick of criticism. You are a great writer and I'll shelve this so others may see it.

I only made it a few chapters in so far, so I'll refrain from thinking I can justifiably critique much of anything yet; but, I will be shelving this to come back and keep reading when I get a chance, and I hope I continue to enjoy it as much as I have thus far. It's not often lately that I find science fiction this interesting.

Hi

This is a quality piece of writing. I found myself both swiftly engrossed in the story itself and genuinely admiring the quality of the actual writng. Definitely Shelved!

Anthony
('Houses of Sand')

well written informative piece of fiction...if that makes any sense to you. I like it. Backed.

Regards
Ariel
"Merkaba at the centre of the universe"

This oozes confidence. Your writing doesn't pause or stutter in any way; it tells it how it wants to tell it and holds it's head up high. Your prose are surreal but rewarding, sucking metaphors from places I didn't know they existed. Only downfall is the premise, it was a bit, 'yawn' and not at all representative of the juicy sweetness inside.

Andrew

hyperreal descriptions, underline the mystery of this tale .

there is a lot of humour along the way, and a lot to intrigue us .

God, Offworld, the Crater, the Third Planet, the Channel . . .

like a phantasmagoria of the mythic modern .

very well written, evoking a strange otherness, rituals glimpsed through layers of vague, probably misleading specifics .

shelved for ambition and scope, entertaining, populist and erudite all at once, an exhilirating mixture.

wishing you well with it

freddie
("honour")

Hey J.C.
You have a talent for imparting a lot of knowledge on the reader in one sitting. I can tell you've done your research on landscapes, and useful vocabulary but in many ways it is too much. Your writing is witty and well written, but the reader is not able to understand what is going on and whether or not it is in the realm of fiction or reality. Maybe this is your intent. If it is then disregard the comment.

My only suggestion that may help in understanding the story with more clarity, that does not revamping the whole thing, would be to rewrite the pitch. The short and long tell the reader little of what to expect, but everything about the writing style that they should come to the conclusion of on their own. Tell the reader what what to expect from its pages like any other query letter. Hope this helps. Later days.
Love and Fear: The Diary of Oliver Lee
Kenny

Hi JC

Your story is well crafted and the cross overs between narrators is done especially way. I found nothing to trip me up in the first 3 chapters and chapter 2 especially intrigued me. Your reference to "The Net" as a watchful thing to be wary of really piqued my interest and also the appearing/disappearing woman. I also liked the way that the barman knew who franz was, but still messed with him first. That way you got in the necessary information without resorting to an info dump of "Oh, aren't you Franz off the cable channel etc etc"
Your characters have their own voices and I can already see the issues that drive them coming into play - especially Takeshi.
This is not my usual style of book to read, but for the unusual concept and style i'll definitely give this a whirl on my bookshelf.

Cheers

Mike
(Calloway Blood)

Hi JC,

I am not too familiar with the science fiction genre, but I am familiar with Kurt Vonnegut's dry wit, having read a collection of his books some twenty years ago. So I gave the God Network a read. Certainly it is well-written the narrative flows well, the introduction of multiple characters blends in seamlessly and you evoke some strange worlds. However, this is not a world where I would want to reside, with its cynicism, cult religions, feelings of isolation..., but perhaps that's your point, that if we we're not discerning as humans, we might end up in such a place.

I am hoping myself, for eco-villages, getting back to the earth and communities of humans relating to each other off line.

Though this is not the type of book I would normally read, you have written it well, adding some compelling qualities. I wish you the best on the journey to publication. No doubt, there is a large audience out there waiting for your book.

Patricia

Hi JC!

Great premise - I love the interchange between religion and sci-fi. Very brave, and you do a great job of handling it delicately and effectively! Your easy to read style made cruising through chapter one effortless. I've read enough to know I'll back this! Leaving a note now, putting you on my shelf, and I'll be back to read more! Nice job!

Kim
Invisible Justice

At first I thought that I was put off by the lack of continuity in the opening three chapters, but I found that by the time I reached chapter four, I liked it exactly as it is. Very well written, and an interesting premise. Your intelligence shows in how you explore the ideas that you're putting forth. Shelved.

this is very much my genre and this certainly is wonderfully written, with wonderful description and clever dialogue. I do echo the points made below about lack of cohesion in the first 3 chapters and I would make the suggestion that you look to remedy this, before your book reached the editors desk, as it undoubtedly will!
backed!

JC
Wow, this is pro writing, immaculate narrative and crisp dialogue. SciFi set in the desert I know and love, nice contrast with the jack rabbits, coyotes and all. My brother worked at Los Alamos and I worked at White Sands. I knew the guy who invented the Altair, Ed Roberts, and I was shocked to see your reference to it. This is better than Oppenheimer in Los Alamos. Well done. So many clever lines. I'll take one of those samsaras, sounds good. Great work and fun read.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Dear J.C. McGowan, Even if you hadn’t mentioned Vonnegut in your pitch, he still would have come to mind--and almost immediately: your opening is reminiscent of his uncanny ability to mix a highly original view of the future with familiar elements from the present day, and to do so with stylistic panache and subtly dark humor.

Your future is not only very imaginative but quite convincing because you extrapolate from the present so freely and cunningly in order to show it in a satiric light, and though satire often results in less than lifelike characters, that’s certainly not the case here: indeed, your major characters survive amazingly unscathed--with both their reality and their dignity fully in tact.

This has great wit, fascinating ideas, shows sympathy for a beleaguered planet, and is written with skill and flair. Only an unreasonable reader or a jealous one would refuse to back it. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

There're some funny lines - like when Franz asks if he can pay in Reagans. And Efrain's ironic take on the cult being superstitious. Your blurb caught my attention, but this doesn't remind me of Vonnegut - not style-wise any way. I guess it's the wit you're talking about. This got some smiles out of me. You grabbed my attention and didn't notice any problems with the writing. I'd consider revising the blurb, but that's just me. Well done.

You grabbed me with your pitch. Using Kurt Vonnegut and Carl Sagan as inspiration can only be a plus, and reading your work I can see how it was beneficial. I love the wild ride thrhough your socio-cultural virtual reality world. Of course with God and aliens in the mix, you can't go wrong. I can relate to your book's message from my own experience in writing my book. Very fun, worthwhile read, with a fine appealing writing style.

Nothing better than a science fiction satire with cybersex. OOOH YEEEAH! This is genius work, my friend. Genius work. Especially love the debate over creation.
Shelved.

I got throught the first 5 chapters in one go. Quick and interesting to read. I'm keeping this on my shelf because it's good. I love it! I love the quick scene changes - makes me work a little harder, and I like working hard when I read. Very stimulating. Backed.

Quenntis
Tales Tell Tales
Dancing with mini-shorts

J.C.,
The opener at Arizona's Meteor Crater, and the satirical primer on the religious/secular debate over creation, and what killed the dinosaurs, is well written and quite fun to read. I continued to read through chapter seven, and I'm still very interested in this book. The structure is a bit unique, but I'm willing to go along for the ride. I'm anxious to see how it all ties together. I like your writing and dialogue, and the short chapter length keeps this moving fast.
Shelved
Mark

I am intrigued by your premise (and I certainly love sc-fi!). Your chapter 1 is amazing, had me reading on...and then I found I stalled a bit because you change scenes often. However, by chapter 6 I was really swinging into the tale! I won't offer technical crit, because I am simply no good at it, but I feel I have to support this.

All the best forward
Elaina

Carl Sagan has been one of my heroes for years. I feel this is a work of serious conjecture that he would have approved of. I like to speculate on what could be out there, and I do enjoy seeing how someone else sets up a hypothesis then works it out.
Good luck and best wishes. Phil. (Hallam's Ghosts)

this is great - i love the juxtaposition of religious and scientific imagery - happy to back this
Jonathan Watts
Dread Fist

The Big God Network...

Much better, but, of course, once one jarring thing is removed, we tend to notice other things.

This time around I felt the need to care more about your characters, especially Efrain. Please note that I've only re-read c.1, so you might do this later on. However, I don't think it hurts to reveal more about Efrain in c.1. I'm not suggesting gobs of backstory (heaven forbid I should suggest that!), but rather the addition of a little more emotion (fear, anger, hope, a more intense curiosity, whatever suits the character...and all without using words of emotion, of course.) Perhaps a body language quirk, too.

Also, I think you could improve the way you sculpt your scenes. For example, the ending of a scene is a Point of Stress and you should learn to milk those points of stress for all they're worth (without resorting to the Little Did They Know Syndrome.) A really good book is Scene and Structure by Jack W. Bickham. Anyway, the idea is to end each scene with a bang of some kind: a strong word, a strong thought, etc. However, don't cut a scene in half to increase narrative drive...that's considered a cheap trick, although you will see it in published novels.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Sheryl
P.S. Did my prior backing show up in your newsfeed? If not, let me know and I'll shelve you again.

The Big God Network...

As requested, I will review c.1 again, but I noticed that I didn't give you any feedback on your pitches, but keep in mind that I'm severely pitch-challenged.

Your short pitch is sometimes called the elevator pitch because you’re supposed to imagine that you’re in an elevator with an agent and you only have one or two sentences to pitch your novel in such a way that the agent will ask for a partial. Not sure yours does that. What you've got in your short pitch should probably go at the end of your longer pitch. I think your short (and longer) pitch should focus on your MC and his problem/journey.

Here’s the allegedly winning formula for the longer pitch:
1. Who is your protagonist?
2. What does he want?
3. What obstacles does he encounter? (three specific ones is a good rule of thumb)
4. a hint about the resolution

The idea is that you show the agent your story and by showing it, you echo the style of your novel and its genre and themes...rather than telling.

A really great site for pitch feedback is www.agentquery.com, where I've watched pitches go from blah to WOW (not mine, unfortunately...mine kept on getting worse, but that's no reflection on the kind of feedback you get there.)

Now back to the new and improved c.1...

This is great, J.C. An original take written intelligently. I've read up to chapter seven and find the quality high throughout. At the intro I thought we were going to be flooded by adjectives but things settled quickly. There's an awful lot going on here and there was one thing I wondered about. The tale takes place in a future world where the politics have changed. I am thinking 'does this contribute to the story or is it background colour?' If the latter I would take it out. The story is complicated enough and so far doesn't appear to require new geographics. If not, of course it must be in.
Shelved, Scott.

hey jc mcg, good read. finely-tuned, energetic prose. great creation, this baba ed. on my shelf.
best, andy

I like this type of book and could see from the start that it was well written and progressing at a good pace. I enjoyed what I read and I am happy to back it. Well done. I would probably buy this is I saw it in the bookstore.

Tony

The Big God Network is ambitious + original, Chris, and it works. It's a great read - OK, one needs to put a few things in the cupboard, like does it really matter if tenses change etc, and for me the answer is certainly not. I liked the experience of just reading on, and I want to go further. Backed with pleasure and I wish you lots of luck here and with a wider audience, which you certainly deserve. Phil Rowan (Weimar Vibes)

Hi J.C. You write well, and you’ve got a great imagination, lots of good ideas. You’ve created a fascinating future world that resonates nicely with the one we share today. Things like the Samsung-Maserati ZX economically conjure a whole history of economic and technological change, as does the option of paying in Reagans or euros. “Netsick” makes a worthy neologism, and “hijacking someone’s reality” conveys worlds. At the same time your characters come alive as distinct and interesting personalities.

I hope I won’t offend if I make a suggestion. Your first chapter is perhaps just a bit too expository—what would you think of adding a short prologue/alternative first chapter that was all action and/or clipped dialogue? I know this is largely a matter of individual taste, but the average modern reader, it seems, craves instant action gratification, no demands on attention span, at least till securely hooked.

Anyway, I’m enjoying it even without the action hook, and will put it on my shelf. Cheers, Collin (*MOM*)

P.S.: I gather you’ve spent time in Bali. (Does Nuri’s, in Ubud, ring a bell? If you’ve tried three of their special martini’s in one evening, all memory has probably been wiped clean.) Have you been to Thailand as well?

What a cool thing to write about.
It's out there, yeah, but it's sci-fi!!
And it rocks.
Your writing is absolutely wonderful--great phrases, descriptions and such. The last sentence of the first paragraph already mentioning malevolent spirts. Sects (and cults) are always, oh-so-interesting to me. Extraterrestrial beings noted in the pitch!! Great stuff.
As I grow older, I'm finding more of the kid in me. I'm not having to act like others want or expect me to. I can believe in and be interested in things I want. It's grand and I'm having fun.
This book is part of that fun. A few years ago, I might not have enjoyed this so much, but now, since I've hit one of the big birthdays hehe, I'm loving it!!

I can certainly see why you're published. This is polished and well-written. Of course I found a *few* things that could use changing, but things like that are subjective, as I didn't notice any grammar problems.

Awesome work. Definitely shelved, my dear!!

-Eden*
(The Abandoned Edge of Avalon)

I do not understand this book. I just spent thirty minutes trying to figure it out and failed to locate the Kurt Vonnegut humor I was promised.
It is well-written, but fails to stimulate my synapses, if you know what I mean:)
Well, that's what authonomy is, not everyone connects with everything.

Thank you, Patricia

Great imagination. Really lively, entertaining and super well written.
Stays on my shelf awhile.............cheers.....................Mikey (The Free)

JC,

The first chapter pulls you in making you wonder what's going on. Then the change of perspective in the second was really neat. I like what you've done with this and I think it will go far.

Good luck,
Amanda

I am here in regards to our swap agreement. I have to say I normally do not read this kind of genre, but good writing is good writing and you have it. I really got into this story. Normally I would complain about paragraph length but this time I think it worked for this book. I read through the first couple of chapters so I did get a good feel for this novel.

I am not too sure if this is published or not from looking at your pitches so I'll let it be.

SHELVED! I do look forward to your comments and possible backing of my book if you have not done so already. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Hi J.C.

This is very well written and is a fascinating read. Well crafted characters and good convincing dialogue. Great vivid descriptions, it gives a good picture of the settings and characters.

An enjoyable read. This is very promising.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

The Big God Network...

Someone else commented on the lack of connections between your first three chapters. A dangerous strategy, but the writing is very good, so it might just work. Interesting how your use of adverbs drops off significantly in c.2 and c.3....so only c.1 has that particular flaw, but since agents will ask for the first five pages to be appended to an e-mail query, it's still a good idea to eliminate them from c.1.

Do take a look at the connectivity issue because I found my interest waning a bit. If I had bought this novel in a store, I would continue reading because of the quality of the writing, but if I were an agent, reading the first three chapters, I might be concerned about the overall structure of your novel. Something to think about.

Shelved for the originality of your premise and the quality of the writing.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would really appreciate your honest reactions...and your backing, if possible..because I'm revising and trying to keep my place on the Editor's Desk)

The Big God Network...

C. 2 breaks a rule, i.e., never use the "you" POV, but writing is all about breaking the rules for effect. The only rule that shouldn't be broken is the rule in favour of clarity...and you don't break that one.

The POV works here, I think, to introduce a different voice. The only thing I didn't like about it is that it took too long (for me) to find out who this person was. I would have liked to know sooner in the scene.

Reading on...

The Big God Network...

Having just read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion' and still reading Sam Harris' The End of Faith,' I was curious about which side of the debate this author "backs."

After reading c.1, I'm still unsure...and this is a very good thing, IMHO. I want to read on--the litmus test of good writing.

I do have a couple of nits, however.

First, eliminate your adverbs. Noah Lukeman, an agent, writes in The First Five Pages that agents will reject based on adverbs--with reason, because adverbs tend to prop up weak verbs, or they don't add much value, and they rob you of the opportunity to say something fresher or more profound.

Second, and this nit might not be accurate, but I'm wondering if you use too many questions, e.g., Will this be the fulfillment of my quest? etc. If you read p.d. james, Elizabeth George and Minette Walters (mystery writers), you'll find that they rarely use questions. My conclusion from this is that questions have a tendency to be the easy way out, and that you can add more depth to the ideas when you use statements. I think that's what I learned when I eliminated most of mine. Try it to see what happens.

Reading on...

Hello JC,

This is not my usual type of story, but you got me hooked any way. The three chapters read reveal that your book has all the elements of a well-composed work that has what it takes to stand out in its genre. The pitch is enticing and you did a good job following that up in subsequent chapters. Great dialogue, colourful characters and a compelling plot. Overall, this is a well-written and curiously insightful story, one I am inclined to return to.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash iof the Sun)

I think science fiction has to be one of the hardest areas to write in. Clearly you are more than competent and rather brave to bring satire into the mix. I wish you great things with this.

Love the title of this, JC (are those really your initials?), and enjoyed reading. Very ambitious piece of writing, one I can see you are very capable of providing. SHELVED with pleasure. Nicky. Nuns &...

Very nicely written.

Kind of irritates me that you build up to an experiment in chapter 1, one for which the purpose is only rather vaguely hinted at, end the chapter with "We'll see now,"... and then of course, we don't see now at all. We skip off someplace new with a new character to get to know. I think you should be careful of leaving the reader still waiting to find out if they care or not.

But I'm going to back on the strength of the writing, which is very tight, and free of any nits that I can find to pick.

All the best

This is an interesting work that certainly delivers. Well-written I can't find anything to fault. I also liked your clear and business-like pitch too.

Backed.

-Jenny-

Sci-fi is SO not my genre that I'm stumbling in the dark here. I can't seriously offer you valid crit as I just don't understand the conventions but all I can say is that I did enjoy this as far as I ever enjoy sci-fi. I love Jon Courtenay-Grimwood's stuff but that's about it usually.
There are some stereotypes littering the ground - 'her lilting voice' 'bright hazel eyes' 'passionately intelligent mind'......why are women in sci-fi always so goddam gorgeous and sexy AND intelligent?
Also, I was puzzling at the break into second person narrative - but doubtless there is a reason that becomes apparent later.
Do wish the best with this though - it's well-written and sure SF fans will love it. I like the humour a lot.
Will squeeze onto the shelf. Jane (Walker)

I love this, religion reborn and completing the circle. One of the most original things I have read. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)