The Healer's Stone

A good cover / title combination and very well-constructed pitches, that's such an enticing start for any potential reader. This is an enchanting blend of historical fantasy and teenage life in the present day, both aspects work perfectly in my view. I've read some excellent books intended for children lately and this is one of the very best. It's got strong claims to be a cross-genre book as well - well up to the task of engaging an adult readership.
Gwen is a great character with all the attitude of a teenage girl, but with other mysterious powers that make her very far removed from an ordinary teenager.
Your dialogue, especially between the younger characters is exceptional: realistic and with an exactness to the vocabulary that made me feel as if I was standing in the corner, listening. I could have chosen any of a number of examples of words, phrases or imagery that made me nod in approval - in chapter four Gwen's mother as she 'scritch-scratched the burnt bits off the toast' and again with 'that phone thingy' - real life, real people talking, excellent.
I'm impressed by this. Backed with pleasure.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

You have a fascinating plot here, and you handle it well, bringing a touch of mystery to your first chapters with Gwen's allergy, and her attempts to find out how to work magic, before going on to develop your ideas. Gwen is a very realistic character, individual, determined not to be stopped even by her best friend Claire when she has set her mind to do something, but in many ways a typical teenager. The relationship between Gwen and Simon is excellent, sparky and natural. You begin to build up the strange incidents quickly, the cold in Gwen's room, the way Gwen hears the phone ringing before it actually rings. You have us well hooked by this time. You write well, with good dialogue and a smooth, fluent narrative which moves at a good pace. You are also very amusing, which I particularly like. For instance, 'Whispers of song...sneaked into her room along with the smell of burnt toast.' Nice! Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Even when you’re busy and have other things screaming for your attention, it is still irresistible to come back and read another chapter of this book! Can’t wait till I get the time to read it all. On my shelf again for good luck.
Very best wishes,
David
Green Ore

Mix the ancient (Morgan) with the teenage adolescents of today and you have great character juxtaposition for a tale. That's what yo do here and do very well. I love the bit of comedy you throw in with Clair so enraptured by her fashion magazine and self-centeredness while Gwen is trying to figure out what is going on with her, while at the same time taking early steps to becoming a witch. Great imagination, great stuff.

By the way, I see in your book pitch that an old man named Mervyn comes along. Sounds an awful lot like Merlin, doesn't it? Could it be?

There's a lot of fun built into your story, too, and that's something that's needed these days: a good, fun novel. You are onto something. Shelved.

Very much impressive

Very enjoyable.
Backed

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

An interesting read. It's on the shelf.

Succinct language. Metaphors beautiful. Read on to chapter 3. The pace is hot, the hooks at the beginning and end of each chapter. Rising tension throughout with the hints of the mysticism to come with the freezing cold room and the intrigue of the feather.

Well-rounded characters with Claire, Simon, Gwen and her Mum. The dialogue drives the plot forwarfd and is not monotonous but short and sharp to capture the reader's attention.

Being half-Welsh and half - Irish, I can't resist anything with Morgan Le Fey in it. So I am racing on thorugh the next chapters to find her.

Best of luck with this, Backed with pleasure.

Katy,
Phobic Dawn.

I get the impression of everyday life with an explosion of supernatural events on the horizon. Gwen is a likeable character who seems alone but about to be taken into the bosom of magic! Only finished chapter 2, but will be checking up on her progress from time to time!
backed,
JP
Apostles of Sera

You show great talent and write very naturally. Good story line. Backed. Eunice - The Temple dancer.

Hey this sounds like a cool concept and a fun YA book! Backed and on my watchlist!

Hey, this sounds like a cool concept and a fun YA book! Backed and on my watchlist!

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Gwen. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the youth audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I thoroughly enjoyed the chapters posted here, unfortunately they ran out just as things were really hotting up, shome mishtake, shurely? You build the world and the relationships with care and skill, so we know just what Gwen has in support for her struggles (a broken family, an insufferable younger brother, one good freind and a 'dotty' granny), and what she has to gain and lose. Gwen has enough character to not be a goody-goody, always a point in a character's favour in my book (but of course this isn't my book) and the interplay between her and the other characters works well. The plot seems to be heading off in a direction that will be satisfying and fun, but I ran out of chapters before I could be sure. I did wonder if there could be a bit more darkness and threat/conflict as well as the nicely escalating mystery, to keep younger readers (than me, that is) hooked. Then again, I hope that this is appropriate to the YA/Childrens market, as it is not too dissimilar (in its way) from mine. Perhaps I should look at mine... Thank you. KA.

When I'm commenting on children's fiction I always try to think myself into my grandson's mindset. At eleven I think he's young enough not to care if this has girls as lead characters and would just enjoy a cracking good story. The constant bickering between Gwen and Simon is very true to life. I think this will prove a great read when it's complete.
Backed
Robert Davidson
The Tuzla Run

Dear P E Alty,
This is exceptional work, amazing writing and a novel you should be extremely proud of.
Backed with confidence and pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Beautiful, empowering and written with superb skills!

This is a story one would want to return to any time when in need of magic and uplifting.

My complements for your exceptional storytelling talent!

And back with the utmost pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Appealing characters and storyline for a young audience, and the dialog sounds like it's coming from children's mouths. The narrative style is somewhat mature, though, perhaps better targeted at a youth or YA audience. Anyway, that's for you to decide. The writing here is solid technically and suits the narrative well, and I'm happy to back it for you.
Craig
The Job

Dear PE --

As a lover of Arthurian legend, it is so much fun to read your story! In Gwen, you've created a deeply empathetic and believable character who can carry the weight of all the expectations created by tapping into Morgan & Merlin's world. This is a good, well-told adventure with a wonderful heroine. Happy to back The Healer's Stone. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Strong writing and easily one of the most engaging reads I've read on the site. This if perfect for the target audience and beyond. You use details without bogging down the reader and keep the action fast-paced without losing that thoughtful edge.

Backed with pleasure,
Abi xxx

Great writing! I liked your writing style and you've got a good eye for detail. It's a unique plot that blends a couple of my favorite genres. The book flows nicely and was easy to read, I got involved quickly. Enjoyed reading this!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

The Healer’s Stone

This is good, opened up using more then one sensory based description (you would be surprised how many just use visual). In fact, it is your fantastic descriptions that ground this so well, creates almost movie imagery. Good build of characters with a story magically told – Good luck.

There is a parallel between the Percy Jackson series here - mythic figures from the past existing in a 21st century setting and a thirteen year old hero. This, however, is where the comparison ends. This is beautifully written stuff with a very spunky and believable MC. Infact, I genuinely like Gwen and am intrigued by her capabilities. Overall, i am very impressed and feel that there is a huge market for this. Carl. The Time Hunters.

It is fun to read your premise. I loved it and it is a great fantaisy book for children. I am happy to back your book. Backed.
Bamboo Promise

I never used to pay much attention to children's literature, but now that I have a newborn, and know I will be reading to her shortly, I'm becoming much more aware of it. I'm leery of stories that are so magical or take place in such a fantasy land, what is real and what is not could be confusing to children. And that's why I like this story. It has enough magic to be interesting but it's also well grounded in reality. Gwen is a likable character. Dialogue is good. Overall, a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

P E, your first chapter is a smooth read. Good mix of narrative and dialogue.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I read your first 16 chapters this morning because I wanted to get a complete feel of your work. I agree with many of the comments posted concerning your work. It has great deal of potential. Initially I had some concern about your pacing. It seemed to they became enamored of your descriptive abilities and allowed them too much room. I found myself saying, move along now, on several occasions. Upon reflection, I may be the one who is misjudging. I believe you have the tone correct for your primary audience even though I do believe your eventual editor will pare your piece for reasons I've stated. You have done some marvelous foreshadowing and that is what leads one to become impatient for the story to move forward.
I hope these comments are useful and I am more than glad to back your story.

Granddad Bob

My daughter said this was fun, so I'm backing it.

Maybe just a bit too much information in your blurb.

Took a dip into a couple of chapters. I like the contemporary feel to this. Natural dialogue and realistic characterisation for your market. The pitches are solid and you really have a captivating title. I was unsure of the first chapter title 'Witch'. Do you mean it to infer literally or colloquially as 'bitch'?

I'm going to have to read further to be able to comment upon coherence of the story's plot etc. But this is promising thus far.

Alexander

Your premise sounds intriguing, so I shelved your book with the intent of reading it. I will try to offer more constructive comments thereafter.

Benjamin Flinders
(Traveling Trunk Adventure #1: Pirate Treasure)

hi - I think you're getting things right. It's very good, but now ask yourself, can it be better? I think it can - but you will be the one to find out how, when you re-read it with an edit in mind. Backed with admiration, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Very nicely written.

Could easily be reading an adults book here.

Eagerly backed

Melxx
Impeding Justice

A good cover / title combination and very well-constructed pitches, that's such an enticing start for any potential reader. This is an enchanting blend of historical fantasy and teenage life in the present day, both aspects work perfectly in my view. I've read some excellent books intended for children lately and this is one of the very best. It's got strong claims to be a cross-genre book as well - well up to the task of engaging an adult readership.
Gwen is a great character with all the attitude of a teenage girl, but with other mysterious powers that make her very far removed from an ordinary teenager.
Your dialogue, especially between the younger characters is exceptional: realistic and with an exactness to the vocabulary that made me feel as if I was standing in the corner, listening. I could have chosen any of a number of examples of words, phrases or imagery that made me nod in approval - in chapter four Gwen's mother as she 'scritch-scratched the burnt bits off the toast' and again with 'that phone thingy' - real life, real people talking, excellent.
I'm impressed by this. Backed with pleasure.
Jared.
Mummy's Boy.

You have a fascinating plot here, and you handle it well, bringing a touch of mystery to your first chapters with Gwen's allergy, and her attempts to find out how to work magic, before going on to develop your ideas. Gwen is a very realistic character, individual, determined not to be stopped even by her best friend Claire when she has set her mind to do something, but in many ways a typical teenager. The relationship between Gwen and Simon is excellent, sparky and natural. You begin to build up the strange incidents quickly, the cold in Gwen's room, the way Gwen hears the phone ringing before it actually rings. You have us well hooked by this time. You write well, with good dialogue and a smooth, fluent narrative which moves at a good pace. You are also very amusing, which I particularly like. For instance, 'Whispers of song...sneaked into her room along with the smell of burnt toast.' Nice! Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I love anything even remotely Arthurian. Believable characters. Good dialogue. I would buy it for my collection!

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

Light touch, well written, very believable, a good start made in chapter one. Backed BADD

You either teach teenagers or you've got your own!
Perfect! I can hear every tone of this dialogue and picture most of the facial expressions.
Nice intriguing story to go with the glorious word picture of todays youth as well.

PE Ally

Cant believe I missed this one.....It's not usually my take....But I've been Christmas shopping for childrens books and so have read more back page blurbs in the last two weeks than I have in the past year.....And I've got to say this is as good as anything I've seen......

The language is consistent , which I'm telling you, is not necessarily always the case......Children need to be able to understand every word to feel grounded and keep a hold on the story......

I enjoyed the read....and wish you well...

Shelved with pleasure.

I thought this story was original and perhaps slightly unusual, though I don't mean that in a bad way. I thought the pace and flow was good, the opening was OK, no real problems. That is quite an achievement in itself! :) Delighted to put this one on my shelf :) well done!

Hello P E,
This is not a book I would normally read, and I am certainly not qualified to rank it against others in the genre, so I shall try to judge it on the writing alone. You bring the tale alive with some amusing descriptions and dialogue and I like your use of English. Also, given that you live in Lancashire, I shall back it.

Even when you’re busy and have other things screaming for your attention, it is still irresistible to come back and read another chapter of this book! Can’t wait till I get the time to read it all. On my shelf again for good luck.
Very best wishes,
David
Green Ore

Hi PE,
Children, fantasy, not my kind of read whatsoever I am afraid, so can't offer any kind of sensible comment.
Tried a few chapters, but it only confirmed I am hopelessly out of touch. Sorry about that. Shelved to give a shove tho. Best of luck with it. Eric

Well you certainly have put the teenager on the page. I think you could tighten things up a bit. Make the action happen sooner. That being said there is a lot in this that would make a young girl curl up and seriously read. It fits will into the nitch you intended it to fit in. On my shelf C.P

I read chapter 1 and chapter 11 (at random). I liked how this opens, and your pitch outlines a compelling story. I found the story easy to follow even reading out of context. Gwen is a character your target audience is sure to love. One question -- who heard the 'unexplained whisper' -- the point of view isn't completely clear. I assumed it was the mother since Gwen wouldn't remember, but its open to interpretation as written.

On my self for a bit - and best of luck.

Dear P.E.

You writing is wonderfully vivid and imaginative.
Very enjoyable.
And, I gleam from comments, you're a dedicated writer who takes editing to heart..
The combination will lead to success.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is very well written and the action enabled me to see everything. The characters are well defined too.

Carol

Hi PE.
Thanks for the backing. Just read your first ch. I like this story, Great potential ;-)
just a couple of nit-picks, easily fixed.
ch 1, bounced over on bed
like she'd a headache
at her side of her head

These are just a little awkward and some of the dialogue is a little inconsistent.
But is still more polished then mine ;-)
shelved

hugs
A.P

Hi PE,
intriguing pitch. typo: possess(es)
Nice characterisation of the two girls in chap 1, and you feed in the info we need (grandma witch, slate pendant) through dialogue - v good.
Hello? the useless brother is called Simon? No!!!! :-)
Chapter two: does enough happen here? Ok, we get to meet the brother properly and the flies appear, but maybe cut some of this and combine with chap 3 - moth and flies = similar theme. Letting the moth go adds depth to Gwen's character - nice touch.
Chap 4 ends well, raising our intrigue. As agents only read 3 chapters, it would make sense to make this the new chap 3, so they get to see it.
Hope this helps. There's a lot of potential with this story, so it's on the shelf.
Hope Minty is well!
Cheers,
Simon

On the advice of Duncan, I have been and altered the two sentences in Chapter 3, and removed load of 'had' and 'was' from these three chapters. I have had such wonderful advice from many readers. Please keep it coming.
Regards
P
The Healer's Stone

Hi P.E.

I do not pretend to know much about YA novels for I would imagine it is different than writing other types, therefore I will try to do what I can. You have a very fine novel with a strong main character who shows the right amount of comedy for a thirteen year old. If there is any fault to find, I would have to say that you do (like me) have a tendency to over write. The advice I received is to try and remove unnecessary words, especially 'was' and 'had'. These words appear to interupt the flow of the story.
I have picked two examples:
For over two months they had left her alone and she thought they had gone'. I would write this: 'For over two months they left her alone and she thought them gone'. Also: 'In the short time since she had been gone her room had become freezing'. 'When she returned to her room it felt freezing'. Not ideal I know but a little tighter.

I also felt concern over the length of some of your sentences. In chapter three in the first paragraph you have one of 41 words and the second paragraph one of 56. I did wonder if you would not be better chopping them into shorter sentences for I felt breathless after racing through them.

These are only suggestions and my opinion only. Please accept my apologies for my pickiness. Shelved. All the Best. Regards ... Duncan.

This is a super story. Gwen is sooooo scary - give me witch in preference to a 13 year old girl any day!! :-)). Seriously though it's a wonderfully inventive story, told with a lot of skill, humour and excitement, and and it zips along at a good pace. I'm certain that children will love it, and I certainly do, so it's going on my shelf.

Best wishes, Tony.

Mix the ancient (Morgan) with the teenage adolescents of today and you have great character juxtaposition for a tale. That's what yo do here and do very well. I love the bit of comedy you throw in with Clair so enraptured by her fashion magazine and self-centeredness while Gwen is trying to figure out what is going on with her, while at the same time taking early steps to becoming a witch. Great imagination, great stuff.

By the way, I see in your book pitch that an old man named Mervyn comes along. Sounds an awful lot like Merlin, doesn't it? Could it be?

There's a lot of fun built into your story, too, and that's something that's needed these days: a good, fun novel. You are onto something. Shelved.