I'm Not That Girl

This is a good story. It makes a reader feel as if he/she is getting an inside look at Spain's politics (I'm from the U.S. and we have demons trying to destroy the government here too, but they're usually just greedy politicians). Elie is a good character because she's so vulnerable. Makes her the kind of heroine you want to follow to the end to see if this can possibly have a good ending. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Backed February 7.

Jesse - Savant

Backed February 7.

Jesse - Savant

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

Fascinating idea, although I couldn't really get into the book. I suspect this has more to do with the fact that it's not really my preferred type of reading or style of writing, rather than any lack of storytelling ability on your part.

I think your pitch, or possibly even your narrative, needs to make clear that this is either an alternate or near-future Europe in which the occult is part of everyday life. Knowing as I do that Spain has a king, not a president - along with a few other details - the setting was quite distracting for me.

A brilliant choice, though - and no doubt deliberate - of Spain, the cradle of the Inquisition, as the setting for a tale of witchcraft and political intrigue.

As I said, not really my sort of thing, but I will overrule my own prejudices and give this a spin on my shelf.

[I'm not that girl]
THis story has a very natural flow to it. Nothing hastened, nothing too slow. The character building is done well and the setting is great.

Hapilly backed!

Peter
(Dane Redhill)

I'm Not That Girl--
Wow! I'm liking this story. It's got a nice flow to it, like a running stream. I can see why so many people like it. I haven't found the plot as of yet, but I'm sure it'll show itself sooner or later (I just finished reading chapter 5).
Some errors...
Chapter 3---
--"I'm sorry," her mother whispered. ["]That's not what I meant." (missing the quotation marks in bracket)
--Home, then[,] was not part of the plan... (might make more sense with comma)
Keep it up!
Coco

Hi, just read the first chapter/section. You have a very eloquent writing style, I can see why it has got so many nice comments already. Backed. By the way, absolutely love the book cover.
P
The Healer's Stone

I've seen this book on so many shelves and I'm just getting around to reading it. I can see why this is so popular. It's a very captivating read. Fast-paced, realistic dialogue, and round characters. Shelved.

Hi Ellie,

I real your first three chapters. What an enchanting story.

Your opening paragraph was excellent. I loved your prologue.

Your characterization of Ellie shows her to be smart and spirited and dutiful. That she is trapped in political responsibilities merely adds more drama to her situation. You use narrative well to put the reader into Ellie's mind and to reveal her hidden wishes and feelings.

Your descriptions are vivid. For example, the description of the banquest hall. And I like how you worked Ellie's description into Graci's dialogue.

Your dialogue is snappy and distinctive and interesting.

Your pacing is awesome. My mind never once wandered.

Good luck with this book which I have wholeheartedly shelved.

Have a fine day.

Al

Your story has captured me completely and I can't wait to read more.
You have an awesome way of writing and your characters are very real life personalities.

Hi, ive just spotted this book and i've only started to read it. I'm really enjoying it at the moment, so i am backing it.

keep up the work.

cindy

Hi Ellie,
What a good first chapter! Your language really flows well and your descriptions are very good. You will take a turn on my shelf.
Nillan
Blue-eyed in Luhya-land (hope you will check on my book - unless you have already done so)

I am happy I stopped by. The first draw to your book was your MC's name...I have an Eleanor in my book.
I am putting it on my shelf for one reason, it is very very good.
I love the short pitch. You have write this in a very engaging manner that draws the reader in. And your narrative tone is both fluid and crystal clear.
It is beautiful the attention you have paid to details.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I'm enjoying this, Ellie, and it's straight onto my shelf. The opening lines of both the pitch and the Prologue are killers, and the overall scenario is intriguing - the Spanish setting in particular. Structurally, the book is sharply controlled, and shows real maturity and confidence in terms of both narrative shape and expressive tone. The characters are instantly compelling and - despite the occasional lapse into cliché (toying with blond manes!) - the writing is slick and assured. Four chapters in, I'm looking forward to reading more... Ivan ('Johnny Face-Ache')

Hi Ellie,

Love a bit of YA fantasy, so thought I’d give I’m Not That Girl a try. The pitch just pulled me in.

Prologue – fab start. Demons, cool locations and flash cars – what’s not to like? And BAM, straight into the action. Perfect.

Chapter 1 – Good character establishment through dialogue rather than description, and poor Elle – we want to learn about her life cos we just know it’s all about to go demonically pear-shaped.
Good last line, too.

Pushed for time now (as always), so back to read more later.

Backing this now.

Andrew Thorn (Killjoy)

Hi Ellie,
I think you've got a really interesting story line here, and you tell it really well. From the opening few lines you managey to plunge the reader straight into the story without over-bearing them and your descriptions are excellent - shelved.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Hi Ellie,
I think you've got a really interesting story line here, and you tell it really well. From the opening few lines you managey to plunge the reader straight into the story without over-bearing them and your descriptions are excellent - shelved.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

I'm Not That Girl...
Amazing! Ellie, you have an amazing book right here (and I've only read the prologue and first chapter!). The general flow of this story is really nice. Your details are brilliant. I can imagine her bronze colored dress and diamond jewelry. It seems she's wearing quite a bit of make up too, unlike her maid and best friend Graciella. I like that one detail where she thinks of Graci as a human puppy. I thought it was quite cute. And who is this American boy? Looks like somebody's got a crush! :D
Some errors I found in chapter 1...
-"Don't['] be shy with him," Graciella reassured her softly. (second apostrophe shouldn't be there)
-"Okay." She paused briefly.["] "So who's coming tonight?" (quotation marks in brackets should be deleted)
The prologue really drew me in. Why was a demon there? And who was his friend? It seems "she" can switch appearances! O.o Strange...another demon, perhaps? It made me want to know what happened next and kept me scrolling down the page (since I can't exactly flip the page...YET...).
Love your cover, although I would suggest making the title a different color, since I can just barely make out the letters.
Shelved as soon as I read more (going on my watchlist for now).
Coco

I really like the story, it seems to be taking shape well, just one thing jarred a little for me, when Elle described her best friend Graci as a human puppy it felt a little odd apart from that the story and dialogue flowed pretty naturally. Its on my shelf.

Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

I'm Not That Girl

Hi Ellie, Explosive start, the picture on the cover misdirects us nicely I think. The different style here is a very strong selling point, this is a new voice in young adult fiction, although I have to say I am not convinced yet that that is the right genre for this. Dark, very dark. Sophisticated, cross-over definitely, but a murderous MC is going to be difficult to drum up sympathy for, but I am absolutely up for seeing how you do it. Great start, the bits others have written about adverbs is a point, but some of them will be lost no doubt in subsequent re-writes and those that remain will have earned their place. Very original, cuttingly so and a strong writing talent, you don't hang around with your plotting either. Well done, I'm a teacher too, so the very best of British luck to you, best wishes, backed, from that punchy first line.

Andrew W.

(Sanctuary's Loss)

A very accomplished piece of writing, Ellie. The prose flows well, the dialogue feels real and helps keeps the pace of the scenes ticking over and there's a clear sense of a well conceived, pretty original plot taking shape. I can see this appealing to teen readers and maybe even the crossover market. If I were to offer any criticism though, it would be that some of the phrasing felt slightly cliched. Phrases like 'guns blazing', ''expensively attired', 'blonde mane', 'perfect facsimile', 'rapt fascination' etc do feel a little lazy and undermine the authenticity of the prose. Just a thought. Great stuff, though. On my shelf. Thanks.

Loved what I've read, well done and I'll definitely give it some shelf space.

I can see why this is doing well. The storyline is interesting, as are the characters. You do like your adverbs, though, don't you? I wouldn't ask you to cramp your style, but I'd ask you to look at them and make sure they are each pulling their weight. Pay particular attention to these: utterly, absolutely, completely, totally, very, extremely. They generally add little to the words they modify, especially the first four. E.g. "utterly naked" - you are either naked or you aren't. You might, however, be half- or partly-naked, but I'd argue the bare (ha ha) word "naked" doesn't need modifying.

I'll give you a run on my shelf.

Best wishes with it.

Regards,

TomW

Okay, I just wrote a nice long review, only to have my signal fade as it was being sent!!

So, you have a good story here. Elle is a very compelling character. She has a bit of playfulness to her and yet a maturity....okay, a bit of innocence too, but confidence...how's that.

You do well with both the narrative a dialogue, but most of all, you give us a great story.

Lockjaw

I was curious about this book because it seemed to be ranked at number one (as a newbie I'm not sure about these things!) Anyway, I read the synopsis and it almost put me off. But I read the first page of the book itself and I was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. A good first page dosn't make a novel of course! - But it is an essential ingredient. I'll definitely be continuing with this to see whether the standard is maintained and whether the other ingredients of a good novel are present.

googd book

A clever book! A decent plot with lots of areful planning and description. It starts off reading almost like a fantasy James Bond character sneaking and spying. Dialogue is eminently suitable for teens. Enjoyed it, good luck

I like the juxtaposition of gorgeous Gwen's deadly hair (Containing a weapon) and Eleanor's curls being fussed over. Also, Eleanor being tutored in 'using her eyes', she is so innocent compared to the deceptive creatures of the prologue. It makes me wonder what will happen to her- how she will grow in the story. The conversation flows well, and seems realistic. Engaging read! Happily backed.

Mixing the supernatural world with the material world of everyday today life. I like the concept. It is an interesting juxtaposition to hear about demons in one paragraph and someone driving up in a Lotus cruiser in the next. I don't know that anyone has tried this before, so you have something original here. You draw you characters well: Ellie seems every inch a real 18-year-old (albeit the president's daughter), and the dialogue seems true. And I love the character of Gwen -- sexy, stylish and blonde, but actually a demon who can turn into a man. Lots of good stuff here. Shelved.

Hi Ellie, I liked the look of your book and so read the first two chapters.

Your blurb is exciting and definitely drew me in. The prologue is stunning when it gets to the final part – really shocking. I did find it a little slow to get going, however. I also wasn’t sure what you meant by “London noir rather than the cold heart of Madrid”…I associate Madrid with heat, and London noir would suggest Sherlock Holmes-style fog to me? I just couldn’t picture it somehow…

There are places where I think you could cut the words down. For example, in the paragraph beginning “A generic black Lotus cruiser…” there are a lot of adjectives. This carries on throughout…”sequined bag”…”full skirt” etc. I just don’t think you need as much as this. “black skirt” would be enough for example. I love the paragraph starting “One arm snaked” – it’s so concise, readable and dramatic (and contains only one adjective…)

I would have liked a physical description of the demon though!

“Their situational awareness” sounds a bit clumsy, as does “said the demon after deliberating over the question”. Perhaps this might be better as “replied the demon, after a moment’s deliberation”??

I really liked the change of scene following the scary events in the prologue. The only thing I’d say is – it took me a while to work out that Elle was the president’s daughter. It’s late and I’m tired though!

In chapter 2, I wasn’t sure about the long list of fruit on the table. Perhaps you could instead describe the light reflecting in the glasses, the shiny silverware and so on…? I also think the discussion about biomedicine etc…is it totally necessary? It takes a long time to get to the part about supernaturals – now that is interesting!

I had a quick look through some of your later chapters and it looks as if things get really dramatic. Looking forward to reading more.

Shelved.
Best wishes, Katherine
My House Eats People - not really - that's the name of my book :-)

Hey Ellie,
Eleanor might long to be ordinary but the rest of us have our eyes pressed against the window trying desperately to achieve a glimpse inside the glamorous palace and the power brokers so you've got an interesting topic here. The debate around the prosecution of magicians and witches - "destroying their reputation, whipping up a media frenzy of fear and finger pointing and some traumatized people" is a powerful hook and I suspect things are going to get very nasty.

Also, the cover art is so beautiful that it looks lovely on my shelf.

Cheers,
Heather
Friends & Pho

What a tale you have here! And the writing is just splendid. I was in the room with the characters and felt a part of their world from the beginning. I honestly didn't find anything to fault. On my shelf!
-Eden*
(The Abandoned Edge of Avalon)

Hi Ellie - as promised!

Your book makes great reading and your prologue has me gripped for starters. Some little thoughts, which you may certainly ignore!

For impact, why not create a clear break with space or stars after 'and his mind spoke the other.'

'Is she a tool or the prize?' As 'she' isn't identified as yet, I was wondering at first whether Gwen was the 'she' in question simply for the reason that the demon's companion is the first female mentioned. Does she need to be named before this? I don't know!!

Also, for added dynamism throughout I might change a few 'ed's for 'ing's - e.g. 'that ornamented' to 'ornamenting' . . . and 'that flickered' to 'flickering'.

Characterisation is great in Chapter One.

Your descriptions are beautifully constructed and a pleasure to take in, the dialogue is great, and I can say that I find your writing very easy to read, which is what is needed for a good read!

With best wishes, and backed, Catherine, Whirl of the Wheel.

Hi Ellie,

Gripping book which you have written so well. I love the characters, especially Salvador. Will be coming back to dip into more.

Shelved.

Much appreciated

Ed Quinn (Donkeys kill more people)

Ellie - I was drawn to this because I live in Madrid. Quite a strange story developing here. On my shelf.

Nice opening, another great cover, very smooth...

The premise is great! My only suggestion would be to tighten up the first couple of paragraphs - perhaps start out with something poignant the demon says and then launch into it...the new three chapters look great - I didn't see any issues (typos or grammar) but then again by that point, I was so drawn into the story that I stopped looking.
Shelved :)

Ellie

If that pitch doesn’t make people read on then I’ll eat my book (well, not literally). Good job. And I like how quickly you get the reader into the world. And what an odd situation. As I read I find this quite addictive. Your prose is lulls me deeper.
Nice way to reveal the nature of the characters near the end of the prologue!
Good protag intro in Ch1, again very vivid scene painting, I was there as I read. Elle is easy to like and will appeal to your target reader. Fine characterisation and natural dialogue moves the plot along at a good pace and before I know it I’m onto chapter 3. After this I skipped to Ch9 and see that you are advancing things along in some unexpected directions. This is exciting.
Finally I read Ch13 and decided I should go back and start filling in the gaps.
I am enjoying this!
On the shelf with my best wishes,
David
Green Ore

This is very unique and well written. I also like the setting that you have built and the characters are already very enjoyable.

Shelved. :)

Happy Writting.
Sammy23
Barrier Frank.

Wonderful characters, a unique and interesting setting and a supernatural twist without resorting to overdoing it and cliches. I love this world and look forward to throwing myself back into it soon. A pleasure to have on my shelf.

I have always suspected demons lurking behind the political machinery, this novel affirms I am right! Just kidding... This is very well written, polished, tightly edited, great job. The premise is unique and the contrast between demon and young woman allows a wide emotional/textural palette. Elle is great - now careful of those American boys...
Shelved of course - J.T. Storey

The prologue was good but I was waiting for something to happen in the first chapter and soon began skimming rather than reading. The premise behind the story as I read the blurb seams a little restricted and I find it hard to see how you will keep the readers interest. Saying that if there is more of the building tension that was in the prologue then maybe there is more to this tale than what I have seen. I would look at your blurb and see where you could add the interest then it may help the reader look beyond the first chapter.

Following previous comments, I'm being unfair by leaving you on my Watch List, just because I'm too busy to do you justice. I've read a little more and am backing your book with enthusiasm.
Jared (Mummy's Boy)

An engaging pitch and a bold subject, but very well conceived and written with verve and imagination. You have a rare ability to convey the essence of a scene, especially important in this genre. I'm impressed and putting you on my W/L to allow me to read more when I'm less stressed. Excellent piece of work.
Jared

Hi Ellie.
This is very nicely done. I really like the contrast between the single-minded menace of the demons in the prologue and the girlish 'fluff' of Elle's world. You handled the magical side of the demons well too I thought, making no show of it, just simply including it as part of what they were. I did wonder whether it needed to be a prologue though? Does it happen years before, or is it concurrent with ch 1? Prologues usually set the scene, or recount an event which precipitates the main point of the story. Does yours do that? I didn't read far enough to know.

I only saw a few nits:
Pro.
golden plated...gilded?
"Yes, Gwen," the demon said.. Watch use of tags. You've already told us it's the deomn speaking so 'the demon said' is completely unnecessary.
ch 1
Most girls...embarrassing herself...her parents' friends..' Girls is plural so it ought to be embarrassing *themselves* and *their* parents' friends.
'Her stylist's hands.. This is misleading, as if Elle has experience as a stylist. 'The hands of her stylist, Angela..?
'She giggled..' Watch use of pronouns. Here you need *Elle* giggled, as the sentence follows Graci's actions.
'Whether she was more trustworthy..' Ditto. *Graci* was more trustworthy..
"Don't' be shy with him.." Don't has an extra apostrophe in this sentence.
'She paused briefly" You don't need the speech marks after *briefly*.

There are a few other nits but I'm sure other reviewers have noted them. But nits aside I think this is a great story and I'm happy to shelve it.
All the best,
Cas.
(KING'S ENVOY)

Ellie,

I've seen this a lot in the newsfeeds recently and the lovely Krista (of Riley's Gift) suggested I take a look, so here I am.

I like your pitch, short and long, the only thing I would question is the use of the word 'bogeyman' which sounds like something from a children's story rather than YA (and teenagers can be funny about things like that, I know I have three of them).

Okay, the first word of your prologue's spelt wrong (although this may be a regional thing--I think MS Word tries to change this for me when I inadvertently find it on US English).

The first paragraph also has a number of uses of 'was' that could be avoided (a 'had' too) but it is effective in grabbing a reader's attention.

Moving on, you refer to a 'generic black Lotus cruiser', I'm not sure what that is. The only Lotuses I know are sports cars and I wouldn't describe them as generic. I suspect simply 'a black Lotus' would suffice here, sometimes less is more.

Moving into dilaogue, I notice that sometimes it's buried in the text, and that you occasionally give a commentary on the words that is probably not necessary. Here's an example, you have:

His nostrils flared in annoyance. "Yes, Gwen," the demon said. He bit back a more scathing response and drove their car out of the road's nich and into the the garage. "The great Mr President flexing his muscles again."

I'd look at something like:

"Yes, Gwen." The demon's nostils flared as he drove out of the road's nich and into the the garage. "The great Mr President flexing his muscles again."

Moving on, in chapter one the conversation between Elle and Graciella is well observed. And this chapter develops well showing Elle in her familly environment and alluding to the danger, through passing mention of the bodyguards.

Chapter two opens: All things considered, dinner actually went quite well. There's an element of cliche here and almost a suggestion of some reason it shouldn't have done, which the reader doesn't know about. I'd simply go with: Dinner went well. No need to use lots of words on simple links that don't have importance to the story.

The dinner table conversation is interesting and well done, and gives us some insight into the role of magic and supernatural creatures in your world.

There's an interesting premise here, and the story is unfolding well--your MC is engaging and her proponent worthy. I think you'd benefit from an edit, mainly focussing on taking out words that aren't contributing (but I think that's true of most of us).

I'm giving this a spin on the shelf.

Ellie
This is pro writing, top of the line and so well edited. After three chapters I'm looking for Gwen again, she's my kind of girl, knife in the ponytail and all. Sounds like Elle is about to get in some big trouble. Wish I had time to read more. As an editor, I couldn't find anything wrong, and that's saying something because I am very picky. This is a fun read and so well written. Good luck with the book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

I like your nice easy narrative. Lovely descriptions. I think your voice would suit historical fiction well. it has a Versatility about it.
I found no real problems I'm afraid and can't really expand on what has already been said. I enjoyed the read and would gladly read on if I had the time.
Happy to give this a bit of shelf space
Best wishes
Sue (A Boy Called George)

Well done! Caught me off guard actually - was not what I expected at all. Great prologue - but I got concerned quickly - for some reason (not sure why) chapter 3 really wore on me. However you did bring the "fight" back into the book. Great job. On my WL.