Lucky 8

Gripping, intriguing and magnetic plot.
Writing that is punchy, effective and assured.
Backed...how couldn't I?

Dear Mike, I saw Elmore Leonard’s novels among your favorites, and especially now that I’ve started reading your own novel, I’m not at all surprised. Your offbeat characters are reminiscent of Leonard’s, as is the casual violence and the other casual criminal activity: I also notice that, like Leonard, you narrate each segment in your story in a voice that seems to originate with the characters.

I’m not saying you’re imitating Leonard: no, I think he’s simply your point of departure. Your humor seems to me distinctly darker than his, and I find your criminal underworld more realistic than his, and so more frightening.

Besides being a highly entertaining crime novel, this brings to the genre both psychological subtlety and sociological depth. In a word, you show the worst better. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

1. Lucky for me that I found this!
2. And you are very lucky to be such a talented writer.
3. The reader is lucky to grab sparkling gems everywhere in this addictive plot,
4. and to have a such excellent characters to follow.
5. Authonomy is lucky to have this book freely accessible here.
6. Not everyone in this book is lucky though.
7. But I do hope you are lucky enough to get it published.
8. So it’s going on my shelf for good luck!

Best wishes
David
Green Ore

You do have a certain tone, personality to your writing that draws me in - just the way things are worded is unique as if someone is speaking. At the start, we learn to fear Big Cam Wong and Ricky - good lord, I'd hate to be that Cuban. Then we meet Winston, who is hoping his beers won't be deducted from his job. Of course he gets very lucky. Hoping Big Cam Wong and Ricky don't get ahold of him, but then again, it'd make things interesting. Entertained, on my shelf.

One minor run-on...beers, it was...(fix by putting a period where the comma is).

Beware of those who massage your ego in return for backing...I prefer to tell it like it is. Your writing has merit but lacks discipline...you need to pay attention to the basics: avoid repetition/don't state the obvious/get the grammar etc right! Worth a spin but do some editing
Cheers
Stewart

There is nothing I can add that has not already been said and I do so hate to be repeating somebody else. They cannot have given my backing though, so hah!

BACKED

I like the tone and flow of the writing, but the punctuation was sometimes a little off and made it hard ti understand esactly whay you meant. for example:

The grunt; Grant Lui climbed...
I think you mean:
The grunt, Grant Lui, climbed...
the way you have it means something else. Also having grunt and Grant together is a little confusing to the eye.

...just like you said Ricky, Danny's not following no schedule.
Not clear if what Ricky said was about the cops previously or that Danny wouldn't be following the schedule. This kind of run on sentence where there's multiple possible meanings pull the reader out of the story.

Overall it is smooth read with solid charcaters. The set up so far is a little familiar, but the dialogue works well and keeps it moving. An entertaining read.

Backed.

Dear Bred

I would buy it for myself for sure. well crafted, and soooo

real to me...that is due to your writing skills. such talent

and ability with words to create quite the animated

movie in my head
CONGRATS I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course

the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your

talent.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is

important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Dear Bred, I love your intriguing story :) - especially the end. :) Your pitch had the narrative hook. :) Great read with tight dialogue & paragraphs. :) I love it! :) Hope you'll write many more books. :) I'm backing your book :) - could you please take a minute to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Bred ...

Good plot with strong believable characters. The writing flows well and the tension builds from the start. Dialogue is good and sound. The only suggestions are contractions should only be used in 'dialogue' and 'first person singular' and not 'third person'. Remove the contractions and you will see in a few places you have written: he'd had' (he had had). I find this clumsy and would suggest a rewrite to remove these double words.

A good proofread would also help. I apologise for my pickiness. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Mike,

I love the unusual plot, I find the grow-op concept intertwined as an interesting sideline.
The dialogue is perfect, I am partial to dialogue, but you do a wonderful job.
Great Story!
Backed
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Quickly paced, fiesty writing and an interesting story that takes off from the beginning lines. Great start.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Wonderful characters, and doesn't everybody have a foolproof plan to steal the cash deposit? Backed enthusiastically. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

Maureen and her underwear, very polished! Great story-real cops and robbers book. Am backing as I like the writing style.
Check mine out, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. Hope you like it as it needs some help. JohnJ

Gripping read. Polished charcters and dioliouge that are paced well. C W

A gritty and most enjoyable novel that lays bare the gammit of human emotioms - a great cop book. The writing is solid and excellent use of character development and imagery. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

The story really moves. The characters are real and believable, although it took me awhile to get into the gang and drug lingo. Good luck on this one. I am backing it.

Eric
Prairie Sunset

you have such a unique rhythm to your writing at first i wasn't sure i was into it but as i kept reading i really grew on me. your characters are interesting and dialogue flowed naturally.

my only suggestion is that i was a bit confused at the beginning with all the lingo maybe there is a way to ease the reader into it ?
backed.
sam
/forgive my format writing from my kindle./

Hello Bred, this is the perfect cop drama. The opening chapter really got me in the guts - the drive-by that cruelly killed the kid in the crossfire. Eaman's relationship with his estranged wife and the possibilities of a new one at work with Maureen buzzing, suggestive.
He's up against a mean team with the Chu outfit. Ricky Chu is a great villain. I'm proud, sure Elmore would be, I'm a fellow fan!
BACKED
Could you look at mine? Chris1

darkish humour buys my vote every time . backed.......Greg Ryan

Punchy, fast paced and cool. Happy to back it.

Alethea

Your opening chapter, is the one that grips you, a nice plot, your very discriptive in your writing, it flows and I have no nit picks, liked the book that's why I backed it. A pleasure, good luck.

John Foxley Manor

This has a very 'Guy Ritchie' feel to it that I immediately found engaging. Very nice job. Love the dialogue--it fits right in with the characters. And love the names. no nits in the three that I read. voice was consistently great; dialogue was superb; the plot moved along at a very quick pace. Backed.
Gerry
DCA

Winston Starblanket? Where did you think up a name like that?Great book. Held my interst and kept me guessing its an addictive read
backed
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Great dialogue--but then it would need to be spot on to carry this type of story. Very nice read. Read 1-3, then skipped ahead to 10 for a look to see if you'd kept it as fresh as the first three, and you have. Never a dull moment. Great story!
Gerry
Dropcloth Angels

I love the use of dialogue to enrich and propel the plot. I also like the fast pace and the quirky characters. As long as you continue to use these tools with style and confidence, you can count me among your fans. Good luck with this!

-j

Exciting and fast paced. It feels very real to me and that is a plus. You have alot of great characters and I could actually see this as a movie. It plays like that in my head at least as I read it. I read four chapters and had nothing negative to say at all. Best of luck with this!

Missy

Not, by any means, my usual choice of literature (although that is something of a double standard because I would certainly watch a TV show with the same plot line). Good use of believable dialogue. I have followed my usual practice of reading the first couple of chapters as I might do in a book shop. Would this have the customers heading toward the cash tills? I think so. Shelved.

Philip (Steady Past Your Granny's)

Bred-

Very intense from the onset. I have read the lst several chapters...can't wait to read more. Definitely backed!!!

Bred. Very intense from the onset. Can't wait to read more Backed!!

Wow you jumped right into the story. Interesting read but I would have liked to have more background knowledge. I like the conversations between the characters. The dialogue appears very real. Backed with pleasure. Lisa

Ahh...Vegas before Disneyland ....lol. The edgy dark humor, some classic one liners, crims by the truckload, snappy taught and terrific dialogue, and a plot waiting for the director to yell" that's a take people.!"

I can hear the voices so damned clearly, George Clooney would be great as E. Anyways it matters not, what does matter is this book. This book doesn't need a bugle played-- it announces it's presence with chutzpa, it's that the lean mean feel of a damned good deal. Punchy, deadly and oh so sexy.

Backed, more please
Suzannah Burke
Dudes down Under

Dear Mike, before we tell you that we were captivated from the first word and bitten by the- "what happens next" bug, and before we tell you we are backing it, what year is this? We can assume it is the year 2002 as in 1985-91-96 we don't think the word SUV was used as often as it is now.

Thrilled to bloody bits we were.

Eleanor and Sharkey.

Lucky 8 – is a great title. Gang bangers eh? The mind boggles. Even so, the next para of the Pitch gets me more turned on:

“Detective Eaman is lured by his colleague, the lovely Maureen and her seductive 'lingerie game'…

Billy Buck's Golden Horseshoe Casino – another great title/place name- and the rest of the sentence excites until we get an image of “the little old man in the number 8 jacket, counting cards at the ten dollar blackjack table”

The story sounds intricately woven and maybe the pitch could help me out more, then I laugh as I read:

”Everyone's luck changes when Winston Starblanket takes a pee in the hedge by the bank.”

I reckon that the first line of the pitch should be:

“Detective Eaman goes on a darkly humorous, fast paced tour of the city, while the lovely Maureen with her seductive 'lingerie game'…”

Inside the chapter, the dialogue is as good as anyone who is published. I believe Cam Wong is speaking.

This is one of those books that I would not buy but watch the move instead. I know sexy, crime fiction does really well, and I think you have potential.

It might interest you to know, a former friend of mine languished about what to do with her life for quite some time – now she is a successful crime writer. She started by winning a short story competition in a magazine.

Good luck.

Thank you for reading Matty :)
This is good, it feels accomplished. Your dialogue seems particularly well done to me, it brings your characters alive. There is an edginess to this that I like and I was hooked by your first chapter. Your style of writing really suits the story, it's spare and direct. On my shelf and I wish you luck with it.
Bests,
AP
(Matty McDuff)

Good stuff. Although I'm not up on the lingo, the story was easy to follow, because you gave your characters real voices and dialog, with a real urban environment. Until your first movie deal comes thru, I'm backing this, and reading more.

Dear Bred Flink,
I read the first four chapters and then hopscotched around a little. Your opening chapter pulled me right in. If I were still reading normal books (instead of always buried inside Authonomy) Lucky 8 is the book I'd take on the long train ride. I'd carry it in my purse to read at appointments. I like your characters (even the evil guys). I like, too, how you tell years of history and character in the short sequence between Jon and his daughter or the short scene with Maureen. I like when you move along the plot and sneak in character bits at the same time. You remind me a little of Robert Parker. I know I'll see t his in print. Best of luck and I will proudly shelve Lucky 8.
KC Hart
Summer Rose

This is a great cop story. Your writing is smooth and flows very well.

Great job.

Happy to back it.

Melxx
(UNICORN)

Looked at 1 & 2.

Chapter one paints a good picture of a grow-op house, strange that I should read this after watchind a Mike Holmes grow-op house that had to be renovated. If you're in Canada you'll know who he is...

Anyway, back to it. Very well written, is Danny killed at the end of C1? We have to read on to find out. Good hook.

C2 moves to the detective and we can see his home life and work life intermingling. Seems very realisitc, as does chapter one.

Happy to back.

Lorrii

Moves well. Good pace helps with the intensity. Characters play out well with good description and dialogue.
In all, lucky 8 is a very good read, that is set to thrill.


BACKED

Chapter 4

First off, the first paragraph could be whittled, I think. At your discretion. A sort-of wife. Seems like a cool concept. Good dialogue between them. I'd say you take the (plug in italic description) facial expressions one too far. Maureen shook her head is sufficient, no need for sadly or annoyed. Boy all the gals are after Eaman's jock, aren't they? Lucky guy. Alright Mike, that's enough. The pace is strong as are the characters. Well done.

Cheers

John

Bred (Bred?), this kicks off at 90 miles an hour. Great premise, good writing, shelved.

Lean prose, propelled by the dialogue. I searched my mind for similarities with other terrific detective fiction I'd read. At first I though Dashiel Hamment; then I realized it had the same pacing and in-your-face reality of James Ellroy. Pulls no punches--love it!

Hey Bred

Wonderful work! Honest! I love the way you write. It hardly feels like reading, it's simple enjoyment!
I will have to read more then the first 3 chapters, but so far I like it a lot! Clearly you have talent and a
great story here!!

Backed!!

Haley Brite - Hart

Bred,

Great setup in this chapter. It's unusual to see these kinds of details in a drug operation. Usually the drugs themselves are just an afterthought to the plot. I really dig that you make it such an important part of the plot.

My only real critique is that the characters don't seem to match up with the sophistication of the operation. This may very well be how they are, but they don't seem all that smart. They just seem like a bunch of street hoods. I wonder if you could have at least one of the characters say something that really gives you an insight into how smart they truly are, even if they talk like common gangstas. And it may just be me. Sometimes I obsess about things like that.

The dialogue was very realistic and original. Occasionally I got a little lost when they were talking, and I'm not sure if it was the way you wrote those lines or because of their unusual dialect.

Lastly, I was completely lost at the beginning., It took two paragraphs to get tuned in to what was going on. It may just be me, but I always cringe when the first paragraph isn't clear and concise, since it is the first thing and agent or editor will read.

Otherwise, this was wonderful. Below are my nits and thoughts as I read:

“… big SUV…” Not sure you need the word ‘big’.

I’m a bit confused while reading this first paragraph.

“…after sale profit.” Should be “after-sale profit” I think.

“…and not bring any attention to the place…” is a little awkward. Perhaps, “…and avoid drawing attention to the place.” ?

I like the paragraph “He was partying all day.” This is where I start paying attention to the story.

“…not only noticed they called the cops.” I think should have a comma after ‘they’

Hope this helps!

Cheers,

Roberto Calas
The Beast of Maug Maurai

Hi Bred! I have just finished reading the first two chapters of your book. Your book ‘blurb’ promises a complicated and adventurous crime drama and you are well on your way towards that end. I have made a few comments, per chapter, but note that I am no expert. However, I have been told by many authors on Authonomy that I am pretty good at this. Lets see what you think.
CHAPTER ONE: The Cuban had an ‘older’ Prelude and this means he’s ‘making some money’? Not very much money, to tell you the truth. I would up the ante on the make and model of his car. ‘But it was Ricky Chu that owned Electric Avenue.’ I would delete ‘it was’ and ‘that’ for more tension. In the sentence that begins ‘They watched as the Cuban…’, change ‘then’ to ‘and’ and delete ‘finally’ , again for tension. Big Cam Wong must not have been so big, if he could ‘squeeze into the backseat’ of a Prelude, behind the passenger who’s already in the front seat? Huh? Nope. Not buying that. ‘his pinga daintily in hand’ Does any man, especially a Cuban crook, hold his own ‘pinga daintily’? Not sure why he would toss his revolver to the other guys. Wouldn’t they have their own? ‘making a sign’ Sign of the cross? Peace sign? Tell your reader what kind of sign he made. ‘showed them where he hid the rest’ Where was the hiding spot, exactly?
CHAPTER TWO: ‘had pay parking spots’ I would change ‘pay’ to ‘metered’. The sentence that begins ‘Around back in the alley…’ is awkward. How about ‘Patrol cars parked in the alley, protected by an enclosed chain-link compound that was topped with razor wire.’, instead? I like the dialogue between Detective Eamon and his daughter. Very nice. Except I would have them say their good-byes. Maybe they have special good-bye words they use, just between them? ‘mounting the bottom step’ The word ‘mounting’ seems weird here. Does one actually ‘mount’ a step? Usually, the word ‘mount’ is used to mount several steps. Why not simply say ‘just as he reached the top step’, which would make the kid opening the door for him make more sense, too. ‘was gone again.’ I would delete ‘again’ for more tension. I think you should come up with a better hook at the end of this chapter…one that would lure your reader to read on.
Well, that’s it. Except I must warn you about your use of ‘-ly’ words such as ‘finally’, ‘discreetly’, ‘casually’, ‘daintily’ and many more. In almost every case (with the possible exception of dialogue), a sentence becomes stronger and carries more literary tension when these pesky adverbs are deleted. Try it and I think you will see what I mean. I hope you can decipher my comments and I hope that some of them help. Stick with this because I think, with just a bit of honest editing, removing every word that doesn’t move your story forward, you will end up with a compelling drama that any publisher would love to pick up. Good Luck!

I liked the pitch on this - clearly a lot happening - but I wondered how well you could handle so many different threads?
To judge by the 2 chapters I've read so far, very well indeed! First chapter is an excellent opener, the POV switch in chapter 2 is smooth and effective. Overall, tough, gritty and very readable. On my shelf, hope to read the whole thing in due course.
Paul T.

Bred,

A gritty and fast-paced crime novel and makes an intriguing read. I do agree with jfredan that the beginning was a little hard to follow. But after I got through that part it was gripping. The threatening of the Cuban was done quite well and I could easily picture what was happening in my head.

Backed.

Laurie – Into The Master’s Lair

I will be honest-- the start of this is a little hard for me to follow. I'm assuming "paapom paapom" is the beat of the music in his head, but I also wondered if it was the title of an actual song (I did a quick Google search and didn't find one). I would consider removing that to tighten the paragraph up. I would instead describe the sound using an analogy or an adjective, not by pronunciation.

At "Prelude, poor man's BMW." and the next bits of dialogue, I'm assuming these statements were said by random people because I have no idea who is speaking. This is something you do again in the next paragraph. Simply adding "said The Cuban / Big Cam Wong / whoever" to the end of the floating dialogue would help immensely because there are several characters in this scene for the reader to keep track of.

Plot wise, I think this story begins well for a crime novel. It does seem like something that would translate well into a film. Although it needs a little editing, I enjoyed it. Backed.

Hi Bred. It's Kevin Wong. I am biased, but I loved the fact that the character had my last name. (lol) :-) There is strong dialogue here - very much like a movie screenplay. It jumps back and forth between characters you know? As such, perhaps your book will in turn make a good movie! As a book, it has merit too because there is lots of description (which incidentally, can be used to make the movie set to film the movie based on your book). I'm backing it buddy! :-)

I read your chapters 7, 8 and 9. Liked it.

Hi Mike, I'm liking this - especially the dialogue. Good job! Backing. AnneX

Sounds like someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning??? Thanks for your comments It sounds like I may have been the "antagonist" when commenting on your "opus". Still I'm glad you've taken my critique in good spirit and haven't responded in a somewhat juvenile manner, like someone with maybe, less intelligence would...? I don't know why you don't stick your tongue out and have done with it!

Hello Bred,
This is gritty and fast paced. Your economic style and short sentences keep this tight and focused. I had a sense of impending violence always simmering below the surface which kept the plot (and me) feeling tense! Your characters and the surroundings seemed very authentic and well drawn giving it real authenticity. A really moody piece. Should do well. Miles.