Book Jacket

 

rank 936 (+136)
word count 96452
date submitted 25.08.2009
date updated 13.06.2010
genres: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Narrows

James Brogden

 

There are places where the skin of the world is thin. Here, miracles walk the streets, and nightmares haunt the alleyways. Welcome to the Narrows.

 

Bex belongs to a hidden society of misfits, homeless, and runaways who live in the Narrows - the hidden paths that lie behind even the darkest of alleyways. For years they have lived invisibly alongside ordinary city-dwellers, with their own allegiances, their own dreams and deaths, loves and wars. Except that the Narrows are closing, and nobody knows why, and the things that hunt them have begun to chase them onto the daylight streets.

Andy Sumner lives a perfectly conventional life, but a chance encounter with a wounded and pursued Bex leads him into a world where the very laws of space and time are malleable. But how much of his life is truly governed by chance? Why does he seem to be able to control the Narrows? And what secrets were inscribed in the energy meridians of his own flesh by the dark figure that now hunts them both?

The search for answers will take Andy and Bex far beyond the spheres of reality that either of them have known, and to a confrontation with evil upon which hangs the fate of an infinity of possible worlds.

 
 

tags

acupuncture, alternate reality, celtic, chakras, chi, dark fantasy, dowsing, earth mysteries, fantasy, holly-king, homeless, horror, ley lines, lung-m...

on 12 bookshelves

on 21 watchlists

107 comments

 

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George Anderson wrote 79 days ago

Intriguing! The pitch is excellent--yours was the only one in the first few pages of fantasy books that seemed worth reading.

Have read a chapter and a half and am thoroughly sucked in! I'll be back for more of this one.

lynn clayton wrote 99 days ago

Bizarre and brilliant. Backed. lynn

JohnRL1029 wrote 352 days ago

This is some dark weird shit. Backed!

Sweet Empress wrote 353 days ago

Damn, what a read. Love it.
KC
The Mysterious Legend of Vladimir

lizjrnm wrote 17 minutes ago

Superb writing - the best Ive read here in a while. backed with pleasure.

liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

elf_friend wrote 1 day ago

Hi :)

Finally got here! I’ve been looking forward to this all week, while trying to clear all the requests that’d built up, and was rewarded to find that the story is as brilliant as ever.

Although I’m going to keep reading, I’ve only just finished chapter 4. Most of this material was there last time I read this, but it looks to me like you’ve done some editing or rearranged sections. I love what I’ve read so far - I’d started taking notes and found it was distracting me from enjoying the book as much as I wanted to, so I’m not planning to take such detailed notes beyond this point.

I’m reluctant to post my notes, because I see that you’re an English teacher and I’m not sure that you need or are looking for any proofreading...but I’ll give them in case there’s something you haven’t picked up on – feel free to ignore if I’ve missed the point. I could go on forever trying to find metaphors to match your writing – particularly the descriptions, so have just mentioned places where something tripped me up or caught my attention. (I may come across as a grammar freak, or as someone who thinks they know more than they do, so apologies).

Prologue
- ‘Then the DI was screaming at them to get his head out of his arse...’ – do you mean ‘them’ or ‘him’?
- ‘...his mind’s own way of protecting itself – that if he pushed to remember...he’d be carried off into its own peculiar insanity.’ Is the repetition of ‘own’ intentional?
- The Transformers duvet seemed incongruous though this may well be your intention, in which case, congratulations – it works :)

Chapter 1
- ‘“I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m good”, he lied’ – I’m used to the convention of placing commas within quotation marks. I’m fairly certain that this will also be the convention in Britain, but assume you know what you’re doing and why!
- Ahh needles, I’ve been having a few poked in me this week and am feeling sympathetic to Andy.
- Did you deliberately write ‘christ’ without a capital ‘C’?
- Apostrophe use in a context such as ‘Hep B’s’ always confuses me. Just checking that you’ve thought about it.
- I love the description of Birmingham city centre, and Andy’s workplace where everyone pretends not to be doing work :)
- It might be worth checking for consistency with references to ‘god’ and ‘God’.
- Aside from the internal dialogue, some sections of this read almost like a screenplay. I could also see this as a graphic novel...
- ‘After the panic and terror of actually finding this place, Andy thought it was all a bit of an anticlimax, really.’ Firstly, did Andy think that ‘it was an anticlimax after the panic and terror of finding this place’? Or do you mean that ‘after the panic and terror, Andy thought ‘’it was an anticlimax’’? (Hope that makes sense – as much as anything, I’m curious to know what you think). Secondly, are words like ‘actually, ‘all a bit of’ and ‘really’ necessary to this sentence? I know it’s part of the conversational tone and the appeal of your writing, but wonder whether it’s overdone in some places.
- ‘He supposed he must have seen these things thousands of times before: the tags of street kids...but this almost seemed to make sense...’ In this sentence ‘these things’ refers to graffiti in general, while ‘this’ refers to the particular graffiti Andy’s looking at. I found this a bit confusing. I’m also interested in the fact that you often use colons rather than semicolons. I’m frequently accused of overusing semicolons, so perhaps it’s my imagination, but I’m not sure whether there is always a distinction between the types of sentences where you use semicolons and those where you use colons.

Chapter 2
- ‘...rendered in everything including spraypaint and indelible marker to probably even worse stuff that he didn’t want to think about.’ – Does ‘he’ refer to Moz? And should you replace ‘including’ with ‘from’?
- Moz is mistyped as Maz in one place (just after Bex takes him through the gate into the construction site).
- ‘It would have shamed him not to; as Narrowfolk, the waste of something useful was almost a mortal sin.’ – should ‘as’ be ‘to’ or ‘for’?
- ‘...but it too would have been shaming to them.’ Could this be rephrased as ‘...but this, too, would have been shaming...’
- Something seems odd about this sentence. ‘It never for one moment occurred to her that...’ Any thoughts?
- A general observation: your writing comes across as lavish. You are very generous with descriptions and words that make us comfortable within your narrative. It’s generally a pleasure to read, but sometimes reaches the point where we notice, and then it feels overwritten instead. It might be worth cutting down excess words in some sections if you can.

Chapter 3
- ‘dead nettles’ are a plant that resemble nettles but do not sting – is that what you’re referring to when describing the feeling in Andy’s hands?
- An example of where words could be cut: Laura. ‘”I think you’re probably overreacting’” – Here, ‘I think you’re overreacting’ would have the same impact.
- ‘He’d found as a child that that if he allowed these coincidences to inform his decisions life was a lot easier, and often luckier.’ – A typo: ‘that’ occurs one too many times.
- You could check for consistency in use of double or single quote marks for speech.
- I was sorry to see Moz go – he was a great character and had the potential to be more – but I’m glad you didn’t hang on to him unnecessarily too.

Chapter 4
- ‘Bex thought she had gotten used to this, having been here for six...’ Six what? Months are mentioned in the previous paragraph but it’d help if this sentence were attached to that paragraph.
- ‘There was a lot about the last twenty-four hours which she hadn’t imagined [would happen]’. The ‘hadn’t imagined’ in the sentence before this one refers to Bex not expecting something could happen, but as it stands this sentence refers to the events of the previous day being real.
- If it’d be appropriate, you could replace the comma in the sentence that starts ‘Moon Grove was not so much...’ with a semicolon, so that the sentence doesn’t seem so long.
- ‘...as two of the kitchen tart crew were pummelling...’ – Should this be ‘...as two of the kitchen tart crew pummelled...’?
- ‘...(albeit a man, though he seemed to fit in as one of the girls...)...’ – ‘albeit’ doesn’t seem to fit here. I’ve usually seen it used differently, e.g. ‘A man, albeit one who seemed to fit in as one of the girls’.
- ‘...usually of flour, though often as not it was smoke’. Should this be ‘usually flour, though often as not it was smoke’ or ‘usually of flour, though often as not of smoke’?
- ‘...the Pallasades still caught rail travellers from all over the country while they waited for their inevitably delayed connections[,] and escalated them up to the waiting shops...’ (without the comma, the subject of ‘escalated’ is ‘rail travellers’).
- ‘...the hours in between being spent entirely indoors, even in his lunch hour...’ – the second ‘in’ may not be necessary.
- ‘After a few weeks of this he’d begun to feel like...’ – should ‘he’d begun’ be ‘he’d begin’?
- ‘The only reason Andy noticed him...’ – The ‘him’ appears to refer to the businessman rather than the homeless man of the previous sentence. There are a lot of hes and hims here, referring alternately to each of the men, and while it’s easy enough to follow, consistency may improve the flow of the sentence.
- ‘It didn’t matter; it hadn’t been enough to stop him getting killed.//The really frightening thing was that not all of them were there any more’. – As it’s the start of another paragraph, ‘them’ in the second sentence doesn’t seem to refer to anything specific.
- ‘Reluctantly, Bex concluded that there was only one remaining avenue of possible information open to her.’ – Is this another sentence which could become more succinct with rewording?

As I said, I’m very uncertain whether this would be of any help – I can continue with the proofreading if it is useful but I do get the impression you know what you’re doing, and I feel like I’m a small child deconstructing a work of art.

Hopefully I can give you more interesting feedback once I’ve read on, though I'm not sure you'll need any :)


All the best,
elf_friend

Walden Carrington wrote 1 day ago

The Narrows is a riveting fantasy novel which takes the reader to a place they would never dare to go in person. Backed with enthusiasm.

SareyFairy wrote 3 days ago

Hi James

This is an intriguing and imaginative story.
I was pretty hooked from the first chapter and was even more hooked from the second and third.
When Andy gets lost in his shortcut I could really feel his sense of panic and confusion growing, very well written.
Backed.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

Eunice Attwood wrote 4 days ago

I have only had time to read the first chapter, but have found it to be very believeable. Exciting, gripping, and everything a good novel should be. A great concept, and I loved the pitch - very intriguing. Backed, on just what I have read so far. Will try to read more later. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Lynne Ellison wrote 5 days ago

An original and dark urban fantasy, reminiscent of Neverwhere.

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Bocri wrote 6 days ago

The opening scenes of this are a particular nightmare of mine, walking though room after changing room, so I was halfway there before the child was found. I'll be honest this isn't my chosen genre but that said I recognise that it's a superbly written book, all too frighteningly believable.
The pace is spot on with enough hooks to keep the reader hanging on. This one is a definite goer.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

CarolinaAl wrote 27 days ago

Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness. Other than that, this is a gritty fantasy journey filled with surprises. Fascinating characters with real emotions. Excellent dialogue and narrative. Intriguing storyline. Backed.

Ferret wrote 30 days ago

I like this, I'd buy it. Backed.

Joanna Carter wrote 42 days ago

Powerful, menacing and so full of tension I forgot to breathe! Brilliant.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

udasmaan wrote 54 days ago

Dear James, I normally read a few lines of all books and comment on what I get from those few lines, I did the same with your book - and ask you and myself why should I buy and read this book? Is it not a good question. What is there so attractive and grabbing that I buy this book and read it. I do normally critique the writing style and pace. Even I find these two good, I think the book is worth buying and reading, with your book I am not quite sure I am afraid. It is something like wow, I love this book, if you know what I mean. good luck and backed for the effort.

waylander wrote 62 days ago

Really good opening chapter and so far a well balanced set of attributes guiding your created world. Prose is good, flowing and leads the reader to the next peak in the dramtic flow. Definitley one of the rare mansucripts I wil be finishing.
I'll make more comments as I read more. Good stuff.
Cheers, Karim

Barry Wenlock wrote 76 days ago

Hi James,
I like this very much.
It starts with a bang -- but still the door won't budge. And why now? Well, I'm sure that mandala has something to do with it.
I thought the odd geometry of the house and corridor was well done and quite surrealistic.
Then, the boy's discovered but Rosey might have been better not to have touched those acupuncture needles, as we discover in chapter two, when the hypodermic explodes.
Then, Birmingham town centre starts to look very different, too. Intriguing.
Well written and no nits other than that there was TV series with a PC Penrose and after 'Go! Go! Go! you write Rosey let them 'go'. Too many go's? Anyway, well done. This is excellent.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Famlavan wrote 79 days ago

Warning this is a start and you don’t stop ‘till finished book – Stunning!

George Anderson wrote 79 days ago

Intriguing! The pitch is excellent--yours was the only one in the first few pages of fantasy books that seemed worth reading.

Have read a chapter and a half and am thoroughly sucked in! I'll be back for more of this one.

Suzie Q wrote 80 days ago

Dear James, I love that your intrigue of "who?"/"what?" could be behind all of this disaster is solved by your heros - it keeps the suspense going. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

maxie wrote 85 days ago

Hi James,

No particular critique to offer because I really enjoyed your opening chapters. They were well written, darkly humourous and utterly fascinating. Will read more tomorrow. Backed with pleasure.

Good luck,
Cerys (Gabriel)

Du5T1n wrote 97 days ago

Good stuff. Happy to back this and help it on its way.

Cheers!

Dustin (Dreamland)

Esrevinu wrote 97 days ago

James, you have a winner on your hands--the imagery and the writing is superb. The rhythm is excellent and the writing compelling. Your descriptions are intelligent to say the least. I was as captivated by your wonderful book. I wish you the very best.
Best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

tecmic wrote 98 days ago

Maybe an injustice but I can see the big copper, not quite able to rationalise the situation. This is not in the handbook and wasn't covered in training. Menacing but unexplainable unrealities come out of the writing which is pacey and succint. Nicely constructed but some inconsistency with typeface on speech.

Mike.

lynn clayton wrote 99 days ago

Bizarre and brilliant. Backed. lynn

S Richard Betterton wrote 100 days ago

You had me with the idea that there are places where the skin of the world is thin. Your imagination and skill in expressing it certainly isn't! Is Andy Sumner is a minor homage to The Police? (I have Radiohead references in mine)

zan wrote 103 days ago

The Narrows
James Brogden

This place called the Narrows is a good invention - like a parallel universe of sorts. Sounds pretty horrific. Enjoyed your opening. Nice descriptions, good dialogue. "Sweet Leaping Jesus," he muttered. "Bastards have wired him up." YOur use of language provides some nice visuals I must say. You handle the plot and the writing well - some creepy stuff too to baffle the mind and the imagination, like that galaxy of constellations in the flesh - those thousand of pinprick stars. Phew! I have to come back and read this slowly so I can savour your language. Happy to have backed it.

Annalia wrote 103 days ago

This is an astounding piece. I was drawn by the cover and pitch, but your style got me hooked immediately. I like the voice, the humour and the disturbing stuff going on. It's an excellent read. :)

Hypo99 wrote 103 days ago

BACKED because it's good. It's as simple as that. What a good peice of work. I will, indeed, be returning to this.

Hope you get the chance to take a little peek inside The Russian Hat

Sincerly
Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

lionel25 wrote 104 days ago

James, your prologue is terrifyingly delightful. Absolutely nothing to nitpick in that first section.

Shelved with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

A Knight wrote 111 days ago

James, this is excellent. You do a fantastic job of balancing the dark surrealism with realistic parallels. It's fantastic when I find something really unique, and this definitely fits that bill. Congratulations on something that really stands out for all the right reasons.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Esrevinu wrote 113 days ago

James, the cover art is fantastic and the setting is interesting and fresh. The writing is fluid, you do a great job with the descriptions, and I think you made some great choices with the characters and dialogue
People will find this book very relatable
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks
Nice job

Trevillian wrote 117 days ago

Have you ever Read House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski? Or Straw Men by Michael Marshall. Reminding me of those in a good way...

Dawn DeRemer wrote 118 days ago

I remember reading a demons and angels book with a similar plot of co-existing with humanity in an invisible society that crumbled until it collided with everyday life. It was very effective and interesting as is your book, which is well written and I suspect will be very successful once you get it published.
Best of luck and a speedy trip to success.
Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Ashes2jewels wrote 120 days ago

Veyr different and, as others have said, very Neil Gaimen in some respects. Good job.
Backed.
Ashes2jewels, Adventures of Pappy Jack

MBirch wrote 128 days ago

This is dark and I'm loving it. I have to say, your short pitch was awesome, that's what grabbed me. But your writing is wonderful as well, it grabbed me from the start and doesn't let go. I really can't find anything negative to say about this at all, I was too distracted by reading to look! I've read about half of what you've got posted and I'll be back for more later! Loved this!

Melissa

tomkepler wrote 129 days ago

The Narrows is a real ride. I find the setting of the story quite fascinating. Glad I backed this story.

Tom Kepler
The Stone Dragon

Jim Darcy wrote 129 days ago

This is good, very good. You set your story up excellently and, before we know we it, we are pulled into your dark, alternate-almost universe. You decribe well, enough to anchor but not overload the reader. Characterisation is deft and the dialogue convinces. Read to chapter 8 before I realised. Good stuff. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Melcom wrote 129 days ago

Stunning read, I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat reading this. You have a great narrative voice and have built great characters. A very engaging read right from the start with the police barging into the house to rescue the child, which is just the beginning of things to come.

Superb writing.
Happily shelved
Melxx
Impeding Justice

Burgio wrote 129 days ago

I like stories that describe an alternative universe. One I could possibly escape into on bad days. This story has a unique alternative universe in that a person doesn't have to go to another world to find it; only walk far enough into a dark alley. Very clever plotting. Both Bex and Andy are good characters; they're each likable in their own way and a good contrast to each other. Makes this a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

yasmin esack wrote 129 days ago

Wow! this is so good. You are definitely a pro at thriller writng and I could hardly take my eyes off this fantastic read

a plasure to back

Owen Quinn wrote 143 days ago

Brilliant start. The attack on the child was stunning especially when it looks like it wasn't an attack after all. The hook was played superbly when one of the abduxtors said the needles were being taken out the wrong way, almost like a ritual. The threat of somethng else hiding in the background is good. the imgery is solid, i could see everything and the writng flowed smoothly. Great.

Clare Hill wrote 292 days ago

Dark, gritty and genuinely frightening. Great stuff - I would buy this. Backed.

Raven Silverknife wrote 301 days ago
elf_friend wrote 332 days ago

'Nothing. I just don't like them very much.' This is why I love 'The Narrows' - it's so witty, and yet so frightening. Good to see the story developing beautifully with every new chapter :)

All the best,
elf_friend

paxie wrote 337 days ago

James

L:ove your writing voice and the frank down to earth 'speak' of your characters....The story comes to life through the dialogue never mind the narration..... Not usually my take, but I must say I really enjoyed this....I'm SURE you'll do well with this......Wasn't sure about 'yanking out the needles in great handfuls' that would have torn the skin much more than 'deftly plucked' or something like that.....

Backed....

Ayrich wrote 337 days ago

Dark and awesome.

Alydia Rackham wrote 340 days ago

Very interesting premise. However, the language prevents me from continuing. Best of luck with your story, though!

Elaina wrote 341 days ago

Crazy weird!!!!!!!!! LOVE it! Complicated too, which I REALLY enjoy! Shelved.



Kendall Craig wrote 341 days ago

I have a new job as principal of a large school which is really impacting on my time available to read in depth as I usually like. I am therefore placing books on my shelf which I am drawn to and which hold my attention for whatever reason. Beyond that I am struggling to get the chance to write more detailed comments, but hope to return later to do so. I am not leaving this message on any old book if that helps, only the ones I feel worthy to go on my shelf, and yours is one of them. Hope you can understand the situation. I actually thought I had backed this before, but must have just had it on my watchlist for a while as looking through your comments, cannot find that I left one.
Kendall Craig, The Halo (of Delight)

jennyemily wrote 341 days ago

Tense, well written with an incredibly lively style. I like this story! It feels so real! Nothing I can fault; backed without hesitation!

-Jenny-

soutexmex wrote 344 days ago

Scale down those lengthy paragraphs; you're killing your pacing.

Short pitch good, long pitch bad.

Do not return comments here in the Comment; send it in the Message section.

SHELVED! I could really use your comments on my book. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Lorelli wrote 346 days ago

Hi James

Wow, your prologue is strong and gripping - vivid imagery that shocks as Rosey finds the child, and a real cliff hanger of an end to it.

Then you introduce the reader first to Andy and then Bex. Poor Andy, it's easy to empathise with his dread of the injection, but then the scene takes a very unexpected twist. As the chapters and story unfolds you show the reader what happens as Andy and Bex's their paths become entwined.

Fast paced, high tension and well painted characters make this a great read.

Shelved :-)

Best wishes

Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

phillberrie wrote 350 days ago

James,

Boy am I glad I backed this. It's brilliant. Just finished chapter five.

Phillberrie (Engelian Adventures: Transgressions)

Edits, comments and suggestions.

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Inasmuch as it was possible to munch toast with attitude" Nitpick: It may be the end of a loaf of bread with jam spread on it, but she never actually got round to toasting it and couldn't because Kerry and the other cook were in the way of her getting to the oven and then Kerry spoke with her all the time up until when she left.

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