THE SEX STONE OF AGASSIA

669 days ago I commented on this book - I was the artist formerly known as Jared at that time - and my comments remain cherry-picked. I've taken the time to re-read the book and after 172,000 odd words, all that is posted here, am barely half way through it. As with so much else about Richard Maitland, don't go looking for the familiar. You won't find it here. What you will find is a magnificent, sprawling tour de force of a novel, a rampaging, almost out of control imagination and more words than the reader can cope with. This is simply splendid. The author has been a credit to the site and has my utmost admiration. I don't say that lightly, or often. Back on my shelf, where it began its life, for the duration. Harper Collins, gird thy loins, bring forth your most gifted Editor, for a treat awaits you.
Jake.

THE SEX STONE OF AGASSIA / Richard Maitland

As writers, if we are wise, we read all genres and study each as we go. Many make the mistake of not doing this. I read all 172K posted here of this book over the last two weeks. It isn't necessarily my genre, I did learn a lot and I'm very glad I took this time.

Weaving comedy into a plot is difficult (I think). Mr. Maitland makes it look simple. I have to say, when I started this tall task I was doubtful I would be able to go 170K on one work. Frankly, I was anxious to get back to it each time.

One of the keys to good writing is thriftiness with words. I'm sure even Mr. Maitland must realize that a work of this length will deter some, those who might think the book is too wordy. Fact is, it is simply deep in plot. This story goes all over the place, yes, but each and every word moves the plot along smoothly. It is incredible! I had to stop at times and go back and study how this writer used his words so carefully. No overwriting. Great lead-ups to pinnacle parts. Crafty imagination all exposed regularly as one scene glides to the next.

It is easy to see that this man has been a writer for a long time. It shows. Not only in style but theme. They are different to me. What I see professional writers doing so much of the time is writing over the head of some readers. Maitland very cleverly has written this book for everyone. Very important I think!

The characters are fabulous. The dialogue is wonderful. The plot is character driven and entertaining. The length turned out to be simply more entertainment, not "too long" at all for me. If i was only allowed one word to describe....."unique".

Does the stone get located? Hell, I'd fling 32.95 at this thing just to find out. Just saying....

This is a work of genius. One of the very best books here. Quite brilliant. :)

Why in the whole damn world is this not in the bookstores? What is wrong with the publishing industry (don't get me started)? Can't people recognize genuine talent and reader appeal when they see it? Let me put it this way: I had no intention of reading more than a paragraph or two of this, but you, damn you, grabbed onto me and wouldn't let me go. The pitch is irresistible, the concept is brilliant and the writing lives up to both. I've read a lot of books on this site, and some are really quite good, but this is far and way the best I've seen. I want to go to my local bookstore and buy copies for my friends. Thanks for the great read. Harvey Ardman

Richard, where do I start with your book. I could say your long pitch works well and that your long pitch encapsulates such an "extensive cast" as to make me wonder how you'll get it all in, even with 172,722 words at your disposal. I'd also wonder whether the juxtaposition of Jason Donovan and Izal lavatory paper in your list of tags is a world first, I'd suspect that would be the case.
I laughed out loud in the opening chapter, several times in fact. You write great dialogue with a keen eye for the absurdities of life. I've read a fair way into the book and would like to take all 172, 272 words of it away with me on holiday. The chapter headings are inspired and the manner in which you take the reader so far and then change tack completely and explore different areas altogether is very cleverly conceived and works well.
I can't find many points of comparison for this book, a good thing in my view. It's farcical, but there's far more to it than an excuse for a cheap laugh. I note the Tom Sharpe comparison, but I'd describe this as the book Tom Sharpe wished he could have written if he'd taken the raw energy of his early work and let it run unhindered.
Your command of language is remarkable and I'm certain you could have written an excellent "conventional" book. Congratulations for writing this one instead. You know the length is excessive, but that's immaterial as you've chosen to ignore so many of the accepted limitations of form and content.
This may never be published. That will be a serious loss as I loved every word I've read to date. I can't see it on the ED, but wouldn't the review be interesting reading?
On my shelf for a spell to reward sheer unadulterated talent.
Jared

it time to get this amazing book in shops. i want a copy

Started this tonight, it's incredibly easy to read (I mean that as a complimemt), lovely snappy pace and quite brilliant narrative. It's also bloody funny. I see you made it to the editor's desk. I have, as yet, no idea what that means but I hope it brings you the success you deserve

GG x

i came here hoping to pick apart a standardized presentation of wordcraft but, to my benefit, this made for an enjoyable read. when compared to previous additions to its genre i remain convinced this is a work worth printing. even with pratchet and gaiman's "good omens" as my litmus this was brilliantly executed. if comic enlightenment was its goal, it accomplished what it set out to do. definitely worth the extra time i've spent on a partial story in excess of 170K words, i find myself genuinely curious of its ending.

A pleasure to read-funny and enlightening-without ever being high-faluting. Easy to praise, even if one is wary about 'blowing smoke up the author's' rectum ;)
Thank you for a rewarding read. This is both familiar-in the English sense of urbane storytelling-and unique in that the voice is new and untarnished.
On my WL and 6 stars.
All the Best,
John

Very exciting!! But I must sleep! This is a long chapter and I have to get up for work. I'll finish it tomorrow.

Just one cruticism, but it irritated me and distracted me. You punctuate your dialogue incorrectly when using commas. All punctuation goes INSIDE quotations. You always put the commas outside in sentences line "Yes", said the Baron etc. Should read "Yes," said the Baron.

A tiny nit pick. That's all I can criticise so far. Wonderfully entertaining.

Loving this!! Marigold is an intriguing character and I can't believe what she gets herself into. I can't wait to read Chapter 3 ansd see what happened when she went into the Voyeur Institut!!

Your voice is excellent... keeps the story flowing and mocks the ridiculous in just the right way.

Will post more comments as I go through.

Richard, I always suspected Gosport had more than a ferry, but something prodigiously prodigious. Portsmouth only boasts - well, have a look at "Pompey Chimes", for something what you might call "else".
It's taken a long time for me to happen upon "The Sex Stone", but here we are,
David Grant

I've just finished chpt 6 and I love it. My riotous laughter and subsequent fits of coughing had my husband rushing to investigate what I was making so much racket about and he's now reading it too, which is a first in itself. The humour is right up my alley and deserves to be on the shelves of every bookstore. Wake up editors you are seriously missing out on a spectacular novel.
An absolute must read.
Julie

Farcical, fantastic, but alas, unfinished! I must add my voice to those who are begging you to complete this. It's a delight.

aaaaah no! Richard, I have read to the end - and is this all the reward I get, to be left thus, dangling? [btw, squirrel stew tastes NOTHING like chicken, it is rank, no matter how you garnish it with herbs]. I romped through this, veering wildly from sensations of being in a Douglas Adams world to Joseph Heller and even, bizarrely, Orwell, though he never wrote a comic novel - perhaps he should have. The joy of the piece - apart from your eclectic, free-wheeling eccentricity - is that it celebrates THE UNDERDOG! And from this one fact alone, I surmise that you are English, though well travelled. The other thing I appreciated is that in spite of the seeming randomness of the locations, I knew from the start that you had the story firmly under control [though would have liked the Stone to put in an appearance earlier. In the west of Ireland, the Blue Stone is what you would have sprayed your spuds with against blight. Not done now as farmers buy their spuds from Supervalu. However, I have done it -English hippy etc] You don't post your HC review here, from which I deduce that this was too rich a mixture for them. Their loss. Thanks for a most enjoyable evening. I'm going to rank this, even though it is superfluous, in the hope that future generations will stumble on it as I did. xx Fan K

A triumph.Would make a superb comic film. Lawrence Sterne meets PG Wodehouse via 'Withnail and I'. The Baron and the Count are witlessly mirth provoking. Three cheers for the outspoken, adventurous Marigold! I have no idea why your book is still here when it has a medal, but it will now have 6 stars more, and an invitation to climb aboard my shelf, if that will advance your worthy cause. Yours, Pan

This is bloody crakin' stuff--funny and gripping! No wonder you are a multi-talented sex god and bringer of joy- it's shines through your work!

Wey Hey!

The Stone made it !!

Well made up for you, Mr M, sir!

Someone got my account deleted but I don't give in that easy heheh


Rgds,

Dutch of clan Panda

Ok I am on my knee's, forhead to the floor, shouting at the top of my voice "i'm not worthy, i'm not worthy"
I have just decided to put my eyes to your book..........and...........I......... love.......... it! it is wonderfull, and i am gonna read it, please finish it!, i will not back as you have that coverted gold thing! but it is on my W/L. spanking book Richard!

Oh my. All that work spoiled by a cheap pun. Avro Dizia indeed!

Great work otherwise.

Hi Richard.

I just read chapter 5. Very interesting insight into Marigold's life. I was gutted when the cops picked her and Derek up just when I thought she was going to get a good seeing to. I have only one complaint in that the chapters are so long else I could easily read more than one at a time but I will get there.

I really do hope that HC snap this up as it is just so good and I will keep reading.

Well you did the tough bit you got to the ED so now you just got to wait but I really do wish you the best with it.

This is fun. I enjoyed the opening, and I have a few comments.

She would have thrown off her raincoat before yanking his trousers down to his ankles. The image of her kneeling naked in front of him is so clear, that I can’t see why she then, “stood before him.”

“Ample flesh against fear shrivelled member” is brilliant.

Why would he reach down for her coat? Wouldn’t he reach down for his own trousers?

The phrase “don’t play me for a fool” reads as “don’t play the fool with me.” Better would be, “don’t take me for a fool.”

This is an effective opening, but a little coy. There’s nothing about her disappointment, and yet she’s the sex starved one. If you showed her standing instead of kneeling in an effort to clean it up, don’t. As long ago as 1988, I worked somewhere where a couple were caught performing fellatio in the office, and everyone thought it was very funny back then, so I can’t see why it can’t be talked about now. They even hinted it at between two men in a public toilet in the new Doc Martin series (sorry to mention ITV), so go for it, so to speak. - Six stars.

Hi Richard

I just finished ch 4 which I really enjoyed. I think my favourite part was when all the millworkers presented George with white feathers. The story continues to engage me although we have now met a different set of characters. I really do like this book and I intend reading the whole thing no matter how long it takes me.

Not many days to hand on now and I really hope that you get a decent review because yhe book deservs it.

Sex Stone is fast-moving, funny, and over-the-top. My only reservation would be that it's so much in the British tradition that it might not travel well, but perhaps this has changed with the successes of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett and Tom Holt. Good luck!

Read only the premise at the moment. But, have to say that the first line is fantastic. Will read this book further. Good Luck for the ED!

Mark

Saw your plea on the forum...this book deserves to hit the desk so I am offering my support. Good luck.

Hi Richard. First I must apologise for having taken so long to get round to reading your book.

What can I say? I have read 3 chapters and I haven't laugehd so much in ages. The characters are great and the plot is engaging so I will definitely read to the end a bit at a time.

I think Marigold is a great character. I loved it when she smacked Bradshaw one and I have to know what happens.

Great read.
Enjoyed it.
Backed till you get your medal.
CJ

Extraordinarily well written, with lashings of wit and insight, and deserves all the support it can muster at this critical time with the editor's desk in sight. Given my unreserved backing till at least the end of the month. - Wilfred (He Was a Most Peculiar Man)

I started this book ages ago and then somehow didn't get back to it until this evening. What a laugh out loud, hoot, this is. It reminds me somehow of the 'carry on' movies, with all the mad cap things mingling with a real plot and storyline. Really enjoying this, this time around, Richard, and I can't wait to see the review. x

I've only read the first portion of Chapter 1 and I'm already dying of laughter. And based on that feeling alone, I look forward to reading the book, wherever it takes me.

There is so much that is good about this story that I could mention: The concrete, specific details consistent with the scene, for example.

The opening scene I found to be a bit of a shock, but I understand that the author has made the scene somewhat odd on purpose, as this is a farcical tale. The author has a good command of the language.

Very funny and well written! Definitely deserves its place on the ED this month. Well done!

~Audrey
currently entering menopause

Picked this up on a whim and have only read two and a bit chapters but think it's great! I don't need to read any more to know I am putting this on my shelf. Your dialogue flows so easily and is so descriptive in itself meaning you don't get bogged down in lots of long paragraphs setting the scenes. A unique idea with intriguing characters, it's always good to be different!
Six stars and a big thumbs up from me!

This is highly entertaining and very different. Throughly enjoyed the read!

Best of luck,

Laura
Beneath The Blossom Tree

This is bloody brilliant! It's improving my day no end! You totally deserve to be up there! Good luck chuck.

M
x

Richard! Your book is so funny that it had me roaring with the first pseudo news headline. I would read it all, if I could. I am upgrading my rating to six stars! All the best, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped".

Your're the first book on my shelf. What I've read is outstanding! Looks like you'll make it to the editor's desk. Best Wishes.
61BBboy

This is so good, really funny.

A witty piece - very funny with well-crafted dialogue and developed characters. This book deserves a place on your bookshelf and a couple of hours of dedicated reading time.

I thought the blue sex stone was Viagra, a precious man made mineral in the shape of a diamond. Once ingested it provides a rock hard constitution fitting for proper intercourse -- but that was until i found this novel on Authonomy and i realised it had been chasing the wrong artifact. Only read pitch and title but this seems ambitious and punchy and it raised my attention.

Hello, Richard.
I've just finished reading The Sex Stone Of Agassia. I'm pleased to see it's now in fourth place.
I agree with many of the other comments that your dialogue and narrative prose are excellent. The choice of vocabulary, the rhythm and timing of the dialogue are perfect. The narrative is lively enough but controlled and beautifully balanced in terms of sentence length and structure and rhythm,
Your characters are immensely entertaining. To make them so you have emphasised certain aspects of their personalities. However, these aspects are all entirely realistic and credible. This adds to their impact and reduces any resistance the reader may have to one-sidedness of character.
The structure of the novel, while obviously complex, is carefully fitted together and, as far as we can see in this incomplete manuscript, the various strands are all, eventually, brought neatly together.
The only objection would be that the detail with which each strand is presented is not essential to the progression of the main plot. That's not to say that any part of the novel is not well done. Everything here is of a high standard. In favour of such a long and complex novel are the current market for long novels and the tradition into which this novel seems to fall. This surely harks back to the early days of the English novel, when plots proceeded in a more leisurely fashion. The chapter headings support this impression. Though brought up to date with an exaggerated headline style, this practice is very reminiscent of novels of the Victorian period and earler.
So it's really a question of two optional approaches. You have chosen one and it works very well. The other, more concise approach would have carried the story forward more vigorously. I congratulate you on doing so well with youir chosen strategy. You deserve every success.

If you could find time to look at my novel, Just Making Sure (Felix Bradninch) or, if you're too busy, perhaps mention it to a friend, I'd really be very grateful.

Regards,
Michael Johnson.

Read the first half a dozen chapters of this and its simply brilliant. why is this nt in a book store?? Fantastic imagination, simply breathtaking imagery and althugh the sheer size of the work was daunghting when I first looked at it, it doesnt read that way. V V Good.

669 days ago I commented on this book - I was the artist formerly known as Jared at that time - and my comments remain cherry-picked. I've taken the time to re-read the book and after 172,000 odd words, all that is posted here, am barely half way through it. As with so much else about Richard Maitland, don't go looking for the familiar. You won't find it here. What you will find is a magnificent, sprawling tour de force of a novel, a rampaging, almost out of control imagination and more words than the reader can cope with. This is simply splendid. The author has been a credit to the site and has my utmost admiration. I don't say that lightly, or often. Back on my shelf, where it began its life, for the duration. Harper Collins, gird thy loins, bring forth your most gifted Editor, for a treat awaits you.
Jake.

Top rating and one of the best on the site. I hope you get a great review. Backed with pleasure. All the best, Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

It was funny when I first read this, John says you have a talent.

I've put it on my shelf where it belongs, I'll take it down in January.

You only had to ask you handsome bastard, didn't you.

interesting; this is original and you write it with a direct style- very skillful...good dialogue too...
on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Hello Richard.
book--The sex stone of Agassia'

I commented on this brilliant book twice before, in fact, it was 125 days ago
So glad to see that i is so highly ranked since at 8. and almost on the editors desk.
If i could give it seven stars i would, i have enjoyed reading so much.
glanced at another few now, have to say that chapter 20 is so tongue in the mouth, funny; as Kurt gets his revenge at last on his smirking wife. The scene in the minds eye, you have created here, as the tennis star. Boris plays as she watches the T v with Kurts gun at the back of her nice, is so funny, i laughted to myself.
then-game-set- and match- bang she'--s dead, love the style.
wish you luck with this book on the editors desk.
tom bye
from hugs to kisses.

Brings back memories of Tom Sharpe in his better days. Gotta be on the shelf. One minor suggestion, maybe delete some of the dialogue attributions/replace them with "said", although in some cases these add to the humorous melodrama. Great work!

You have quite a skill for creating vivid characters in a short space of time although I was surprised how long it took to start to develop Marigold as she appears, from the pitch, to be the main character. Chapter 1 and most of 2 are developing two male characters who are vividly vile.
One thing that did jump out at me was megalomania comment for correcting her name - most people will correct someone who addresses them by the wrong name. Is this to show his utter incompetence?

Hi Richard. Glad to see you doing so well with your amazing book. Happy to reback it and looking forward to reading the editor's review when it hits the desk. Cheers Eric

This was not at all what I was expecting. The cover and your Avi's look so serious. I read through the reviews after I'd read the first 3 chapters. Someone compared it to Douglas Aadams and I total can see that. It was funny in a delightfully silly way. I was so glad Marigold punched or did whatever to that Dr Dempster (sp?) because I was ready to strangle him by the end of chpt 2. I got a little tangled up and really had to slow down and reread a couple of times in Chpt 3 because of all the names and locations, but overall it was quite enjoyable. Anxious to read your review from HC
BS
HH

Oh I am loving this. Douglas Adams eat your heart out (OK, I know he's dead but I'm sure he'd appreciate this one).

great writing, but you have been told that before, i read about the first five chapters and found it as advertised, a bit of crazieness interspersed with the sensitive, the unbelevable circumstance of the humerous count and the baron with the silly names (who yet reflect something of the truth in a world where trust fund babies can start wars and bullshit the masses) leads into the more melodramatic yet touching tale where the just a bit more believable marigold gets conned, and i wonder if con men are not at the heart of this piece, seeing the baron and the count like the idea of conning people and margold is a victim, i like this piece of course and will back it, not that you need it, brilliant though as the piece seems, i think it isn't a read for the genre devotee,or the person who wants to lose himself in a piece of fiction, they are not going to want a story line that makes fun of itself, if that is the right way to put it, if you get a chance, and i figure you are a busy guy, could you read maybe three or so chapters of my piece "sond not heard", best wishes

I loved this ages ago; second read and it's even better. Clever, witty and very funny.

Good Luck with it Mary