The Reluctant Terrorist: A Novel of the American Holocaust

harrowing stuff which is like a clarion call to sanity . .

. .sometimes to achieve that effect means you have to shock, unsettle preconceived notions, sometimes i think your writing does impeccably .

this is a thriller that thrills and makes you think -- the most satisfying kind .

kudos for conceiving this and writing it so well . it's on my shelf and i hope it gets published and ruffles some feathers . doves' and hawks' both .

freddie
("honour")

Hi Mr. Harvey,
I've had your book on my shelf for quite some time now because I was intrigued by the premise. It is a highly plausible and fascinating one to consider. What I read of your work shows me just what a mess we are in if all the wrong things were to happen at the right time. Most noticeable were the mix of tensions you combined in your book: the oil rich countries holding their resources over the collective world's head, racial tensions not only in the Middle East but in America (saving "white" Jews but sending away "black" refugees), the ever present religious tensions and misunderstandings and sterotypes... I'm not writng anything new here I know, but merely adding to your already considerable array of compliments. My biggest contribution might be that I would enjoy the heft of a book this size. Your impressive word count combined with the very important and thought provoking subject matter make this book a serious endeavor that I would enjoy settling in to read and reflect upon and then discuss with others.
I would advise you to lose the few coarser passages (ex: the pop singer who sang of an ID card and got hard.) I don't know if that is an isolated example in the larger, book but when I came across it, it stood out because it was out of place. You have a higher level of thought here- you can express the sentiment without condescending to the vulgarity.
Thanks for sharing your work!
Peace,
Mike

Already backed you a couple of weeks ago and am just now swinging by to drop off this comment. I really, really enjoyed what I read, and I would buy the book readily. I guess maybe I am the target audience, an active practicing Jew who knows this scenario is possible. There's nothing I can say to improve this. You're a writing pro. Good luck with this Harvey. I am sure you'll be able to get this published.

If you get a chance I would love to hear your opinion on my Jew-centric novel. My hero is not a nebbish kinda guy. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

An interesting premise to say the least. Great writing. There is a whole lot of infor in the first couple chapters which did seem a bit daunting, but your writing skills made it less so.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Fuck!!! This is backed! Have only read the pitch but that is enough! I love it! Will come back and post proper comments later!
Simon (BLACK SHADOWS)

Harvey - enjoying your book very much. Reminds me a bit of Wilbur Smith and is definitely a page turner. Not the sort of thing I could write but you have done it very well. Looking forward to reading some more.
William

Harvey, I just finished Chapter 104. You can't leave me hanging here.
I just noticed that your word count is 176,000. That could be a big problem. My original count on Goliath's Head was 175,000. Many credible sources told me I'd never find a publisher, and I haven't. So I've cut mine in two and am offering it as an original and a sequel.

Alan F

Harvey, I just finished Chapter 104. You can't leave me hanging here.

Alan F

Harvey, this is profound and, as a Jew, frighteningly plausible. I've read the first four chapters and intend to read them all. So far I can offer no suggestions to improve on what you've done. The story is a page-turner. Your style and attention to technical detail reminds me of Tom Clancy at his very very best. It's hard to imagine this won't be published by a biggie. I'll be looking for it in the bookstores. I have, of course, backed it with enthusiasm.

I hope you will take a look at my Goliath's Head which, in a much different way, tells the historical roots of your story.

Alan F

Harvey, this had me engrossed from the very first chapter. It is scary - and possible.

This is very enjoyable. You make this seem very real. What I've read so far is like a newsreport, or an expose. That's not a criticism, the immediacy of it makes me believe that this could happen very easily. Just be careful not to overuse this technique. Most readers like to be able to engage with the characters.
Your short pitch is great. I suggest you break up your long pitch into a few paragraphs as this will make it more appealing to potential readers. I also suggest you break up some of the longer paragraphs in the story as this makes it a little easier to read. Shelved.

Wow, Harvey, this is a real page-turner. Amazing premise, very well written. Shelved.

Thanks so much, Stephen. This web site is so supportive.

Harvey,

I have read the first posted chapter of your book, half the second and must admit to being very impressed.

It is a fresh credible plot, obviously well researched and completely in keeping with the genre. I found myself drawn in straightaway by your effortless style. Your characters are understatede even though they are facing dramatic events. The plot is king. Well done. The events as they unfold are so logical and you open up many strands of storylines simply by using 3 atom bombs.

I have backed it as it has great potential and I think it should be published.

All the best
Stephen

Harvey,

I have read the first posted chapter of your book, half the second and must admit to being very impressed.

It is a fresh credible plot, obviously well researched and completely in keeping with the genre. I found myself drawn in straightaway by your effortless style. Your characters are understatede even though they are facing dramatic events. The plot is king. Well done. The events as they unfold are so logical and you open up many strands of storylines simply by using 3 atom bombs.

I have backed it as it has great potential and I think it should be published.

All the best
Stephen

Thanks again for all the comments. I recognize how the first couple of chapters, while the stage is set in Israel, are dry and dispassionate. I felt more comfortable once I moved on to "ground" where I'm more comfortable: boats and courtrooms. This is an incredible web site at which I find myself on a Monday morning when I should be working.
Harvey Schwartz

The Reluctant Terrorist is a fast moving and intriguing story. It drew me in with dramatic and believable events, supported by authentic sounding detail. The dispassionate, unemotional narrative style of the opening worked well for me, placing me straight into the environment you have created for your characters to play out their parts. This has the hallmarks of a good thriller, and deserves a place on my shelf.
There is still some work to do, though, in my view. After the opening [almost a prologue] sets the scene, it needs to get more emotional and personal. Show us the despair, rage, determination etc of the group in the Negev. Build the characters as people through more dialogue. Show us their strengths, weaknesses, background and goals rather than telling. Use shorter sentences to create tension and pace. One of your sentences illustrates many of my points: "Reuben, near hysteria from lack of sleep [show us hysteria instead of telling; what she's just said earlier sounds quite rational] and too much coffee [show us - fingers twitching from caffeine overload?] from the haunting fear that decades of Jewish dreams and Jewish blood had piled on her [ make this a new sentence? Show us haunting; show us why she feels all this is piled on her shoulders] and that she'd failed [another new sentence/idea?], that somehow the entire disaster was now her fault, her responsibility [show us what the others have done to make her feel that way?], was at her breaking point [is this the the main message? Should it be upfront? What actions could show us this - perhaps through the eyes of another character - instead of telling?].
Things to think about at least for the next round of editing/polishing - the choice is yours. I reckon you'll go far with this. Good luck.

Harvey, I've shelved this on the merit of the writing style (outstanding), and on the premise of the story. I'm going to spend a lot of time reading further. It's exactly the kind of book I would walk out of a book shop with.
My only crit on this, and it starts right out of the gate; too much info, readers this day and age are usually impatient to get to the action and the story, and unless you're established (like Tom Clancy) , it's very difficult to get them to wade through a lot of background detail. Many folks on this site have commented that publishers these days are looking for 80,000 max (espescially for a newer writer).
All that said, I love your style of writing, your voice, and the story that's emerging here. Shelved quickly and happily.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

Back...( rare!)

Hoping KJK's remarks are from the second chapter on - I would totally agree that any narrative that is described through the eyes and feelings of the MC is always more engaging and should be adopted in each and every sentence to avoid the 'telly' lists...

But not that first chapter! The cold factuality of that descriptive is masterful and needs to be exactly as it is.

Will be back to read on... best MAT

Back...( rare!)

Hoping KJK's remarks are from the second chapter on - I would totally agree that any narrative that is described through the eyes and feelings of the MC is always more engaging and should be adopted in each and every sentence to avoid the 'telly' lists...

But not that first chapter! The cold factuality of that descriptive is masterful and needs to be exactly as it is.

Will be back to read on... best MAT

I echo Elinor's remarks. This is an interesting premise - and as I read, I wondered what was the importance of Israel being distroyed three score and ten years after it was created? And that also puts a small window into the future for your book - that time is coming in just a few years. Is it a Biblical prediction?

The story gets a little more interesting with Reuben, who rises to cabinet rank even though she's born in America. And as I read on, there was a rule # 2, deploy nukes on anyone who attacks - which leaves me curious. These are reason why I want to keep reading.

The problem is this: there is a distance in your writing. As you tell us what's going on, your narrator is very flat. If you have the events seen through the eyes of Rueban or maybe Shapiro, then maybe we could relate through them. How do they feel about it? What does it mean to them? Also, I'd like to see more dialogue to draw us in. Make it immediate instead of telling us about it.

Also, (minor nitpick) "can not" is one word. Might even be better as "can't."

Any way, I find myself wondering what was going to happen next. You did capture my attention and you wrote well - I couldn't find any typos other than "cannot." I believe there is an audience for this book. For all of these reasons, I'm backing you. Best of luck, KJ

I echo Elinor's remarks. This is an interesting premise - and as I read, I wondered what was the importance of Israel being distroyed three score and ten years after it was created? And that also puts a small window into the future for your book - that time is coming in just a few years. Is it a Biblical prediction?

The story gets a little more interesting with Reuben, who rises to cabinet rank even though she's born in America. And as I read on, there was a rule # 2, deploy nukes on anyone who attacks - which leaves me curious. These are reason why I want to keep reading.

The problem is this: there is a distance in your writing. As you tell us what's going on, your narrator is very flat. If you have the events seen through the eyes of Rueban or maybe Shapiro, then maybe we could relate through them. How do they feel about it? What does it mean to them? Also, I'd like to see more dialogue to draw us in. Make it immediate instead of telling us about it.

Also, (minor nitpick) "can not" is one word. Might even be better as "can't."

Any way, I find myself wondering what was going to happen next. You did capture my attention and you wrote well - I couldn't find any typos other than "cannot." I believe there is an audience for this book. For all of these reasons, I'm backing you. Best of luck, KJ

I've got to confess that I am bowled over by this site and the speed and depth of the comments I received. I can see how this could become an addiction, and a time sponge. Thank you for the comments so far. Let me give a bit of background on how this book came about. A couple of years ago I represented two Saudi detainees at Guantanamo Bay. To visit clients there you first have to get a security clearance (subtly probing interrogation. Question: "Sir, do you have any present intention of engaging in acts of aggression against the United States in the near future?" Response: "Define near future.") Then you fly on a tiny charter carrier from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. My 88 year old father lives near there and I visited him on the way to and from. He was not at all pleased that I was representing "terrorists." He had been a GI in Europe in WWII and was captured and, as a Jew, quite mistreated by the Nazis. When I spoke with him after five days at Guantanamo and described how my clients were treated there, he was quiet for a full minute then softly said, "How could our government treat its prisoners worse than the Nazis treated me?" That got me thinking about what it would take for this country to go down the same path as all those other then-enlightened nations had done with their Jewish populations throughout history.

I look forward to more comments. Thanks so much.

Hi Harvey,

In for a read - let's see. Say as I see...

Fuck. Gosh, you're in with a bang are you not!? That is so coldly described, so chilling in its factuality, it made me shiver. Beautiful prose...a small tendency to sentences longer than maybe necessary, but that doesn't detract too much if that's your style.

A little adverby in places [standing helplessly at their carefully emplaced weapons. ] Two in a phrase is OTT, as most people on here will wonder why you have more than two in a book!

Some excellent turns of phrase [ where every craft that could float was crammed with hysterical people old enough to remember the last Holocaust or young enough to fear the next. ]

as somebody few people would object to. - to whom few people would object?

OK - backed for now and short of time, but fascinated and good tight writing in the main. Coming back soon, all the best MAT

Hello and welcome to Authonomy....... I'll be honest upfront, this isn't my usual type of read but your pitch intrigued me. Your tenses wobble a bit in the first segment - past or present?
You obviously know your stuff and this reads like chilling reportage but my main worry is that, in the chapters I've read, there isn't enough human interest to carry us into the story. For that reason, I'd probably be tempted to start the second segment with 'Debra Reuben looked like......' and maybe think about keeping inside her POV for that chunk of the chapter. I just feel like I need to get more involved with at least one character. Segment 4 (Plymouth, Mass) has more of a relaxed feel about it with a better balance between dialogue and explanation.
Overall, I think this is a tough read as it stands. It feels more like journalism with a few odd bits of dialogue thrown in. However you can obviously write and have a hugely strong premise for a novel, so I'm happy to back this to kickstart your ride at Authonomy.
Please don't think this is too negative - it's just my opinion and hey, I'm no editor.... I expect a lot of people will really love this.
btw, I'd advise you to check out the forums - for some pointers to how this insane site works...... You will be inundated with people wanting read swaps and so on - but you do not remotely need to do that.
All very best, Jane

PS - one of our members, Patrick, author of Cuthbert's Shakespeare, has recently had a stroke. he was on the Editor's Desk and a bunch of us are trying to maintain his position while he is unable to be on the site. Everyone who reads, comments and (hopefully) backs the book will get a guaranteed return read.... We're up against it as the deadline is today..... So, if you read one book today, please make it Cuthbert! See it on the home page.

Uh oh! The fact that you have been online for a while since I backed you but haven't responded is a big, red flag.

Harvey,

I had a little extra time and burst of adrenaline this afternoon, so I thought I’d go ahead and give your novel a more in depth read.

First of all, let me say that this novel will not appeal to a lot of people, but does have some social significance.

Novels typically don’t have a title and a subtitle like non-fiction books do. I think you would attract more readers by simply titling it The Reluctant Terrorist or The American Holocaust.

I think your short pitch could be tightened up a bit to be more compelling and hook your prospective readers. Something like:

Round up all the Jews. Throughout history, it happened in Germany, Spain, England, and France. It could happen in America.

Your full pitch summarizes your key plot points, but you need to break it up into 2 or 3 paragraphs for ease of reading.

I don’t care for the lime green fonts in your chapters, but I must admit, the writing is pretty compelling. You obviously have done your research.
I’m not sure I would post the entire novel if I were you. As an old marketing and sale guy, I believe a writer should always leave a reader wanting more.

Rodney

Harvey,

Your profile sold me. I'm placing this novel on my shelf and will offer some more detailed comments (probably tomorrow) after I've given it a more in depth read. Today has been a long day.

Rodney