The Lottery Losers

You have finely crafted a most unique and interesting storyline. I have always liked the first person narrative voice and you have done this with each of your main characters. This is very difficult to do and you have done it well. Your work is character rich, the pace of your story flows nicely and all of this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is a very original plot idea, and you handle it well. Troy, Steven, and Leroy are all believable characters, with interestingly different stories and attitudes, and you have drawn them well. Troy can't face admitting his mistake, and is frightened of what might be done to him. Steve is swamped with guilt, and thinks money will buy him forgiveness and peace of mind. Leroy is a scoundrel who doesn't want to pay for his crimes, and needs money to facilitate his escape. You have piled up the variety, and if you continue on the same lines this should be a very readable book. Your style is good, relaxed, first person voices for each man making it an easy read, but the most striking thing about this book is its great plot line. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

What a fantastic idea for a series of inter-linked stories with the stuff of nightmares, a Lottery win that fails to materialise, as the common denominator. Very strong characterisation and a plot that keeps the dramatic tension at fever pitch, this ambitious novel works very well. Troy's lapse has such serious consequences and you drag the reader into these splintered lives, each character with a desperate need for the riches that would have changed their lives only for their expectations to be dashed. A very clever idea and great scope for an examination of the pressures and expectations of a materialist society. It's all a little over the top on occasions, but still within the bounds of possibility. I enjoyed it hugely and have resolved never to get involved in a lottery syndicate under any circumstances.
Backed
Jared.

Hi Daniel

This is great! Your first chapter sets the scene with poor old Troy trying to escape from failing to buy the ticket. The narrative voice is very personable and engaging, making it easy to empathise with Troy's problem. Then you go on to show the impact of Troy's error on their colleagues - lots of diverse lifestyles and choices here - which you pull off with witty, quick paced action and dialogue.

Shelved :-)

Best wishes
Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

No! I can't bear to read anymore....this is too too painful. This is why I will only ONLY ONLY buy a lucky dip from time to time..... What a fabulous concept for a novel and you write really really well. I know you've had some crits saying it isn't feasible but hey, this is fiction and this is an absolute caper. I'm cringing and throwing my head in my hands but loving it too. Could see this as a movie (second time I've said that tonight!).
Backed (and making memo to self to buy ticket for Wednesday!)
Jane
(Walker)

Hi Dan, Ten chapters into "The Lottery Losers" and still reading. Realistic theme, strong characters, taut writing. I'll back it tonight. Please take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville," where I hope you'll find the same virtues. Best of luck, Bill

This is excellent. It is the perfect way to introduce characters and fill in their history. Each of your characters is an authentic person and all possible emotions can be used in describing their reactions to the situation. On my watchlist and on the shelf as room is available. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

The Lottery Losers has an innovative premise that explores the drives and dysfunction of a group of people who have lost out on what would have been their fortunes. Great idea, and you've executed it well. I enjoy the close, first-person narrative as we learn up front that Troy is in deep trouble. I felt his panic, and yes - I think we can all relate, because he's right - it could happen to anybody. Your style is crisp - no need for much description or musing as Troy struggles with his dilemma. The strange cast of characters makes this even more intriguing. They are the office crew from hell - and it's going to get very bad for Troy before (if) it ever gets better. You've nailed this story and I can imagine myself reading it all day -

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

Hi Dan

Great pitch - that's a situation that anyone would read about. You get into the minds of your characters very well and give each of them a fascinating back story that draws the reader in. Fast, contemporary and filled with authentic detail. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Hi Dan
I just read your first four chapters. Your idea is very creative and different--unlike any book I've read. I like your idea of showing what one goof-up can mean to so many different people as we get a glimpse into their lives. I would have liked to have seen more of Troy's office life and family life--more of his "ordinary" world before he forgot to buy the ticket. I want to bond more with him, care about him, so I can feel what he's going through. It'll be interesting to see how you tie in all these people without losing the reader. I guess I'll have to read on to see how many more there are.

The largest question I have is: what type of industry/office did all these people work in? What was their profession that ties them all together? Troy was supposed to buy the ticket for the office, so I'm assuming that they all worked together in the same office. Am I right? Or did I miss something? They all seem like shady characters. I hope you make one a lovable and desperate lady who needs the money for her dying child--or something heart-warming like that. Ha!

Will you take a look at WILLOW and give me your feedback? I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Michelle

A good fiction, at the same time, carrying nature of a detective novel. Otherwise it can be called as a good blend of fiction and detective novel. You expose malpractices in the society and attempt to expose it. That is why I called it as a blend of fiction and detective novel. Congratulations for this kind of rare dilution.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

I've put you on my watchlist and if you want to do swaps mines Dragonslayers_Debbie Kirts. I read the first chapter and I liked it so far.

A great opening, an intriguing and desperate situation for your MC, I really like it very much! I've put you on my WL and shall read more the minute I'm free!
Please take a look at my Strings of Madness: the love story between a computer geek and a beautiful woman who died 200 years ago!
Claude Nougat

Dan,

I don't think I've spotted this before, but this seems very intriguing. Your first few paragraphs are seriously pulling. The first sentence a great hook! Though not a very nice thought...but that is why it is good. I am hoping to read more of this later when I have some time. I expect soon, as I might not be able to wait. I also make useful constructive comments, unless you would prefer not to have these. Let me know.

Would you please look at God of the Cocoa and let me know what you think? It is rising slowly and have had many brilliant comments. Would love to know what you think. I would also be grateful for staring and backing if you like it enough.

Please let me know.
Marilyn

You provide us a captivating thriller with a clever plot and colorful, fascinating characters. Splendidly textured. Visceral imagery. Polished writing. A remarkable read. Backed.

Dan,
You've written about quite an interesting collection of desperate needs in The Lottery Losers. Backed.

This is a great premise, and unique in the books I've read on the site. Your narrative is well written, and your characters believable. Amazing what money or lack of it does to people. Well done!

Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

You have finely crafted a most unique and interesting storyline. I have always liked the first person narrative voice and you have done this with each of your main characters. This is very difficult to do and you have done it well. Your work is character rich, the pace of your story flows nicely and all of this coupled with your descriptive writing style makes your novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Clever idea, pacy writing. I guessed the teenager was going to be the boy as soon as he appeared, I think you may have made that too obvious (although maybe that's not a problem). Overall it's very polished writing and easy to read. Backed.

Great pitch - twist on the - if I won the lottery - idea
strong opening - will be back for more
simon - The Soul of Charlie Marconi

This is very original the pitch was spot on and it made me really want to read the book. Troy the guilt that he will carry by failing to meet others dreams. A simple thing to buy the lottery ticket but he didn’t and this section of almost short stories explains the consequences. I read up to Leroy and thought you have done an excellent job this is so different. I only found one nit in Jimini I was finding it hard to stay AT awake, the at needs deleting.

I will watch this books climb with interest as I think it will appeal to the mass audiences, best of luck with it.

Sue Mackender (Wilma1)
Knowing Liam Riley

Great concept here, a great opportunity for comment on the modern world. I've got one critique which is would mean a lot of work if you follow up on it, so I hope it doesn't discourage you, because I think you've done well here in seeing through a great premise. Since you're going with multiple first-person POV, you have to make sure every character has a distinct voice. The style you've chosen for this is quite choppy, but to give each person individuality I recommend you limit that style to one character, and come up with a different voice for each of the others to give them strong individuality. That's just me offering up, though, take it for what it's worth. I'm backing you based on the work you've done already.
If you’re so inclined, please take a look at “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, it’s bound to have happened somewhere)”. It's a parable of suffering and struggle told through humor.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

A fascinating story, original and distinct. . The narrative is clear, concise and skilled. Fabulously written. Talk about a nightmare come to life - you bring the guilt and horror alive perfectly.

Backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

I"m really intrigued by your original premise to a book. You feel bad for Troy and his situation. Jimi, well what a sucker punch at the end. Leroy, well he's just a scammer. I love the idea of many characters and their lives intertwined around winning this lottery.

I wish I had more time to read beyond the first several chapters but this is definitely worthy of my backing

Denise

It's the ultimate nightmare isnt it, the numbers finally come up the week you dont do it. Great premise, something we all can relate to. Like the first person style. Frantic and involved from the get go.
John O'Brien - Other Face

The Lottery Losers

What a fantastic idea for a book. I think what impressed me the most was your characterisation; you have built characters with very different voices (in my head). Not that much of a fan of first person, however in this it works so well.
Good narrative balanced with strong dialogue and a great storyline, this is good read.

Um, this guy is doomed... and then all the back story. His motives are grand and I'm interested to see if he pulls it off and how. Very tense and I have no complaints with the writing.
Excellent!
Shelved,
Dan
Demons and Other Inconveniences.

The plot for this work is wonderful, giving the reader an immediate empathy for the poor office workers whose dreams almost come true.

The characterizations a very well drawn, making it easy to form our own likes and dislikes. The coincidence of Steve meeting up with the youngster who lost his mother as a result of Steve falling asleep at the wheel is handled well enough so that we are not shaking our heads in disbelief. Stranger things have happened.

I am pleased to back this, and think many people who are fast paced read with plenty of tension will enjoy it immensely.
Suzannah Burke

What a great idea for a story. And something that could happen to any one of us as any of us could be Troy - asked to buy a lottery ticket he then doesn't buy. The many stories of the people who are shorted of the money are imaginative as is the TV show. It's a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Love the opening. It's concise, clear and plot driven. This is a story which requires good plot rather than fancy turns of literary prose. I like the idea of the multiple POV. It works very well for your story. You've managed to make this almost like a compilation of short stories with one thread loosely keeping them together. The lottery is just the device, each character is well developed with their own backstory and not simply just acting as a plot device. It's one thing to have the good idea but another to be able to develop it into a story with authentic and fully developed characters. I can't help but think your writing is influence by the screen. I could see this very clearly as a television adaptation. Backed without question. b'hatzlacha!
David
Bailey of the Saints

The Lottery Losers:

Dan,

Troy's dilemma is beautifully evoked from the beginning, the tension mounting over the circumstances of the lottery ticket and this, combined with the well drawn Troy, promises a very engaging read.

Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This is a great idea for a book. How sickening would that be? You can immediately sympathise with Troy because everyone can imagine how he must feel. You then go on to tell the stories of his collegues and it's great to see it from their view points rather than Troy discovering it himself.

It's well written, with the odd place that needs an edit, I think, but I believe this is set to do very well.

Aimee
His Pride, Her Prejudice

This takes a getting used to - switching narrators. But I got into it and had fun, too. I think the tight writing helped me keep up. I'm curious to see where it goes.
Well done.
Backed,
Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

A great pitch, premise and a great start to the book!

I love the way the start is so immediate and right away we are there with Troy, running.

Happy to back this one..

Lorri

Read chapter 38 to the end. all I can say is that this is very well done. It reminds me of that Tom Stoppard play where the actors all speak from urns and are all dead. It is a riveting play and this is similarly a riveting read. what an original premise and follow through! Because it is done from first person POV the rhythm of your words varies suitably with the speakers so well done. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Brilliant, especially the character of Troy. Backed with pleasure
Hatts

Brilliant, especially the character of Troy. Backed with pleasure
Hatts

Fascinating read. Easy to read. Backed

Nice opening chapters Daniel, I like the way you set the story up. Poor Troy watching the numbers come out while he has forgotten to buy the ticket, I can't imagine what that is like but you've done a good job illustrating it. I like the way you deal with each character individually, its a nice idea, giving their back story and why they need the money. Steve certainly does need it, you've given him a nice back story. This is really well written and a brilliant premise. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

This would be my mother's worse nightmare, she does the lottery every week and gets really narked if she isn't able to get out to do it.

Your characters are well built and your writing flows really well.

Good luck with it.

melxx
Impeding Justice

I jumped in at Ch 14 and totally believed Roberta's "voice". Good stuff here. Both pitches ares brilliant. I can see a Guy Ritchie film here. SHELVED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key
Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

An easy one to back, Dan. Great concept for a story. Often the lives of Lottery winners end up becoming train wrecks, too. As I am sure you know. But looked at from this perspective it is much more interesting. Like the way he encounters the kid he hurt in the accident. You're no slouch of a writer either.

Dear Daniel Levy,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by the torment of Amanda, whose husband has just cheated on her again, with a man no less. She feels crushed, as if she’s so awful she’s made him swear off women. On top of that, he comes home and insults her to her face. At this point, I’m laughing because she needs the money to hire a hitman, to murder him and teach him a lesson. Bravo! She expects him to come back from the dead and apologize and love her again. She may not’ve thought that all the way through, but she’s going with it. Then I’m not so sure if she means to kill her husband or just the man who lead him astray. Do clear this up. Otherwise, I enjoyed myself reading it.

Backed, and best wishes.

Hi -- most enjoyable -- Backed! When I was young, I forgot to put a bet on for my father. It was a real longshot, something like 100-one and my dad had given me a tenner ( a lot of money in 1968). I forgot to put on the bet and can remember the total terror i felt when I found the note still in my pocket later that afternoon. The horse fell at the first and my dad bought me a football. Your story brought back the terror!
Good luck and best wishes, Barry
(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

I really like this book Your gift for dialogue is enviable! I am going to BACK this now and coem back to read more later! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

First of all, Kill Troy, boil him in oil..haha.
Hi Daniel. Cool idea. Good pitch... All we need to grab our attention. This is great, really well written, moves along fast and holds the interest. Only went through 3 chapters but that's enough to back it without further thought. Definitely on my shelf and the best of luck with it.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

This is a very original plot idea, and you handle it well. Troy, Steven, and Leroy are all believable characters, with interestingly different stories and attitudes, and you have drawn them well. Troy can't face admitting his mistake, and is frightened of what might be done to him. Steve is swamped with guilt, and thinks money will buy him forgiveness and peace of mind. Leroy is a scoundrel who doesn't want to pay for his crimes, and needs money to facilitate his escape. You have piled up the variety, and if you continue on the same lines this should be a very readable book. Your style is good, relaxed, first person voices for each man making it an easy read, but the most striking thing about this book is its great plot line. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

What a fantastic idea for a series of inter-linked stories with the stuff of nightmares, a Lottery win that fails to materialise, as the common denominator. Very strong characterisation and a plot that keeps the dramatic tension at fever pitch, this ambitious novel works very well. Troy's lapse has such serious consequences and you drag the reader into these splintered lives, each character with a desperate need for the riches that would have changed their lives only for their expectations to be dashed. A very clever idea and great scope for an examination of the pressures and expectations of a materialist society. It's all a little over the top on occasions, but still within the bounds of possibility. I enjoyed it hugely and have resolved never to get involved in a lottery syndicate under any circumstances.
Backed
Jared.

This is an interesting idea, giving different people's viewpoints, and why they need the money. You need to edit, but i like the idea behind this.

'I've just made the biggest schoolboy error...' ''made' would be better than 'done' here. Euromillions is one word, I think. Don't mind me, just nitpicking as I read.

I have to admit that I like your opening. I've been told that you shouldn't start a book with "I" - and I've looked in the bookstore for examples to refute that advice and frankly found none....the reason - the reader needs a sense of place and person, and why they should care about "I" -- but somehow that fact that I'm dropped right into the the action and offhanded comments really seemed to work for me. Perhaps you have found the way to work the exception to the rule.

I read on through chapter 3. I thought the transitions between were good (take the end of chapter 2 for example: I need the money -- a great page turner). I couldn't find any significant typos to mention *thanks much*.

Nice effort. On my shelf for a bit.

I’m not too sure about the killing in Oxford Street. It is always jammed with cars and people and it is hard to go fast. Zebra crossings are usually jam packed with people at that time and hitting just one woman and a child sounds unlikely. If you chose a less popular street it would believable. But this is just my opinion. If someone ran over and killed a woman in Oxford Street it would be in the newspapers and the son could check it even 14 years later.

I think you have a great plot which allows you to write short stories about each character. Your book has great potential and I will back it.

Tony

This is a good premise and I like the way you've chosen to show the effect of not buying the lottery ticket on a number of different characters. I'd have liked a bit more scene-setting in chapter one, but that's my only gripe. Shelved. Clare (Second Lives)

Danial, This is a marvellously novel concept. Can you imagine (well obviously you can) how furious, manic, suicidal you would feel? I can. In these days of credit crunches, more and more people must be dreaming of a fortune like that and then to have it swept away, it doesn't bear thinking about. Well written and Shelved. Thank you for backing A Passing Storm.

Good luck with it.


Phyllis
A Passing Storm

No! I can't bear to read anymore....this is too too painful. This is why I will only ONLY ONLY buy a lucky dip from time to time..... What a fabulous concept for a novel and you write really really well. I know you've had some crits saying it isn't feasible but hey, this is fiction and this is an absolute caper. I'm cringing and throwing my head in my hands but loving it too. Could see this as a movie (second time I've said that tonight!).
Backed (and making memo to self to buy ticket for Wednesday!)
Jane
(Walker)