Excerpts from the Everyday Unknown

Shaun, your first chapter is terrifyingly delightful. I like your first-person voice. Good point of view.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

The image of the monster is as terrifying as his hunger. Then we have the almost unbearably tense pursuit and the girl's demise is as visible as the fare displayed on the marble counter down at my local butcher's. To understate, you create a real sense of immediacy.
Yet in chapter 2, there is a glimmer of sympathy for Nat and the hope that there may be just something that makes him ultimately redeemable. Here you create a sense of mystery and, combined with the promise of others morphing into scorpions and spiders, there is a frisson to this book which may give you a voice to be remembered within your genre.

Backed
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

I love the pace of this novel, the tension builds from the very first line and doesn't let up. The explicit content will probably put a few people off reading this on the site at least, but there is definitely a market out there for such a well written novel.

Scarily shelving such a fine read.
Melxx
Impeding Justice

EXCERPTS
This is a good story. It’s a book to read when you have an afternoon free of distractions because the writing style is unique and takes concentration or you miss all the rich details woven into this. Taking your time, however, reveals a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lol at this premise, not my favorite kind of premise, but it got me reading it, so I guess it did its job :P

Wow - you certainly know how to get a reader's attention! The horrific opening would grab anyone. Very gory and explicit - it even had me (fearless vampire fan) shuddering :) I like the way the second chapter starts to build up a back story too. Well written, taut and scary.
Definitely backed.

Berni
Fledgling

This is a very fast paced book and it is well written and it should do very well. I thought your pitch was very unusual and it got me interested in reading it. Hope it does well for you. Sorry such a short comment but I'm very busy. Will read more and post a longer comment later on. Backed.

BACKING because Bob Steele did and I trust his instincts. Think you can make it to the Ed's desk with this effort. I'll swing by later to give you a right and proper comment.

Do look forward to your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

great pitch and a great opening . horrific, fast, merciless, both the action and the words . way to go .

the quickfire bursts perfectly encapsulate being him .

"his face pulls the electrics out my heart, stopping it dead . he's beautiful . my tongue sucks dry as his long black hair drops against my skin ."

eavesdroppers come to sticky ends, and reading this makes us feel like we're eavesdropping on one sriously diturbed being .

the pace is always fast and furious and it grips you and won't let go, disturbing, unsettling, addictive, like a trip thats great but has flashes of evil blinding you once in a way .

this will appeal to a lot of readers, it deserves to go far .

shelved, and wishing you well with it .

freddie
("honour")

This has certainly all the elements of a shocking, horrific psycho type thriller. Not particularly my genre, but I can see it working because of its stark, yet eloquent writing, its unpleasant character and the mad premise. Just right for its target market, so shelved, no problem

Excerpts from the Everyday Unknown is raw and violent, and seems to me to fit the fantasy/horror billing perfectly. Not my kind of read, but it should appeal to the target audience, so I'm happy to back it.

A deep psychological thriller which had me wincing (any physical reaction to a book has just got to be good!). You're a master of the metaphor, and you like to shock......manybe even shock yourself. I liked this a lot ,and it's going on my shelf. Best wishes, Tony.

Good grief, Shaun, that's one hell of an opening. The first chapter grips the reader by the throat and the following chapter keeps up the pressure. I've read four chapters and your energy, raw "in your face" action, and graphic imagery are mightily impressive. I don't read enough books in this genre to comment on the likelihood of its effectiveness to horror fans, but it certainly worked for me.
This isn't a comfortable read, blood and guts everywhere, but you certainly know how to write in this style.
Backed for sheer power of description.
Jared.

I love your choice of less common tense here--it really brings a sense of immeidiacy to the action. It's great that you didn't hold back on the gore and let the raw horror of the scenes in the first chapter to really come through. But I think the true beauty of this story is your original voice. There's something about your prose that's very characteristic. Well done!

Just read chap 1. Will definitely shelve this. The pitch hooked me, but this first chapter grabbed and held me. I don't like 1st present usually -- probably because I have read too many WIPs that cannot pull it off, but so far, excellently done. I'll let you know as I read more.

Hello Shaun,

This is not a genre I read often, so it is pleasing to find one that is so enjoyable to the point that it almost read like a true to life story.I like the easy-to-relate to lines that make it almost believable. You also did a good job with characterization, dialogue and narrative. The plot is also gripping and the scope of the setting attests to the depth of your imaginative mind.Overall, you have an accomplished story here. Rightly backed.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the sun)

Holy Horror!
I am a huge fan of the wicked, the sinful, the macabre and the down right terrifying. Through my youth, 8-14 I ate up Stephen King novels and tormented myself by watching the more goreriffic movies ever made. I love horror and you depict the horribly horrific horror genre to new extreme. Your descriptions are perfectly deranged and I love it.
Some of my faves from the first chapter (where I stopped so I could comment because I HAD to comment):
running thin as a ghost across her cheek
acting like some b-movie whore
pistons of her bleached legs, stabbing her bleeding heels into the cobbles.

I could go on, but there are too many to list. *Shudders with delight* This is awesome.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor
Without a doubt backed!

I love this -- it is literary horror. Perfectly worded, terrifyingly graphic and inappropriately funny. Shelved.

First person, present tense!!! Phew, not easy ,my friend, and yet you pull it off with aplomp! Great romping yarn and a fantastic opening chapter! Very well worth a backing!
Simon

Vampirism told in the first person. Unique, I believe, and well done. This took some imagining to put yourself in the place of he attacker. And I think you did it honestly, not as we would hope that such a creature would exist, but as it probably truly exists. As such, you have created a truly delicious (no pun intended) inner monologue for your main character. Well done. Shelved.

Dear Shaun, Nat says there’s no horror story like his, and he’s certainly right, but your book is unique not only because the idea is outrageously original and truly horrifying--Nat himself is the monster who’s after him--but also because the style is as original as the concept, and there are elements atypical of horror stories, such as the entertaining and often hilarious asides, digressions, and social commentary.

It’s your fault that the sentence is so long: there’s so much to include in a statement about how you’ve expanded the boundaries of the horror genre. Indeed, your book warrants the kind of critical commentary usually reserved for works considered significantly literary.

Nat’s transformation and the others you describe seem highly symbolic: I’m reminded of Kafka’s Metamorphosis, in which a human-sized insect may be a metaphor for a human being’s psychological state or perhaps even the human condition.

Never has horror been this relevant--everyone should know the Everyday Unknown. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Jesus! Hi Shaun, what a first chapter...
I'm not normally into horror in books but your pitch intrigued me, so I came to have a look. This is like one of those films that I love to watch from behind a cushion - I had to read it because you're a damned good writer, but I was mentally ducking behind my cushion at the more gory bits.
The way you describe the chase is sooo scary, and the way you describe what Nat looks like, well, I have a mental picture of him but I would love to see him as you do.
The way you give us a bit of background info on Nat in chapter two is good. It means I get a mental picture of him being a normal guy as well, which in a way, makes it even more scary.
My daughter's absolutely love horror, and I'm pretty sure they would regard this as a goodun.
Shelved, and thank you - I think! janie.

Hi Shaun,
I have to say, this is a little tooooo graphic for my tastes. I have never been a lover of horror, but everything of this genre I have read on this site has been quite tame - this is true horror and has reminded me why I am not an ardent fan. But that is not to say I didn't appreciate the skill with which it was written and regognize the huge potential of the book. As I have said on this site before - to back a book I do not have to like the story, I back when I see good writting and that is what I see here - shelved.
Best of luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Hi Shaun.

Wow, that's some vivid first chapter! You have some great descriptive phrases and I love the way you turn the language to suit your own needs.
While I'm not a great fan of horror for its own sake I have read a fair amount, and I have to say that none of it was like this.
Some of ch 1 was simply exciting, the thrill of the chase - never mind that the pursuer's a monster. And the description of the girl's destruction was almost clinical, and the more terrifying for that.

Ch 2 begins to get inside the monster's mind and you do a good job of kindling that spark of sympathy as he 'comes out' to his parents. But this is clearly not what turns him into the creature he's become and that tiny flame of sympathy is what would make me want to read on.
Good stuff!

I did see a few nits:
it's clarity - it's desperation...should be *its*, no apostrophe.
like the planets hit mud...should be *planet's*.
ch 2
the creators hand...should be *creator's*.
Zeds at my back...should be *Zed's*.

Nits aside, your turns of phrase would be enough to convince me to shelve. The fact that you also caught my interest was a bonus.
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

I don’t like horror, so this isn’t to my taste. I read to the end of the first chapter and can see that you have done a superb job in the writing and the descriptions. I am sure this will appeal to many people who enjoy this genre and therefore I will back it.

Tony

I've seen a lot of books tagged "Horror" on this site that didn't live up to the tag. Yours, it's safe to say, is not one of those. Great, brutal opening, followed up by more and more great work. I've not found one thing yet to nitpick -- even your *pitch* has a creepy quality to it. This is great work, and I'm happy to pop it on the shelf.

Hi Shaun,

I already backed the book, but returned to comment. Whoa! What an opening. It’s gruesome. Now that’s what I call horror. Your vivid descriptions, as painful as they were, gave a good image of what was happening. The narrative voice felt so authentic it was frightening. Nicely done.

Very well written.

Shinzy :)

Hi Shaun,

I saw Elinor's post in the forum a couple weeks back, and popped you on my WL. Then today Shoshanna's post was a reminder I hadn't read this yet - and I think I read the first two chapters before remembering to breath. I can't believe you managed to make me connect with a character who loses his skin almost immediately.

About the only thing that jumped out at me was the word "self-decimation" - I'm not sure it's the best way to describe what he does with his rib bone (it's one of those pet peeve kind of things - every time I hear someone on TV describing the decimation of something, I yell back at the screen, "Oh yeah - did they reduce it by ten?" Yes, I'm aware I need help... *grin*).

Horrifyingly excellent stuff - shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Came over at Shoshanna's recommendation and can see what she means. You don't muck around, do you? Someone was asking earlier in the forum, how do you handle death in YA fiction? The answer is not like this! ;)
I used to be a total horror film fan but weirdly never made the move into fiction, maybe because it is just so much more shocking and yes, horrific, when it's written down and the imagination gets to play a part. But it's more than just horrific, it's also got some hugely striking imagery and a narrative that slams itself into your face.
I can't offer you any meaningful crit I'm afraid (too unfamiliar with the genre) but, come to think of it, this is probably trans-genre anyway.
I can back it though....without any doubt whatsoever.
And, my one nitpick (and I am SO glad you have a weakness!!) its (as in its red point) when it signifies the possessive, has no apostrophe. Only has an apostrophe when it's short for it is. Feels a bit crap pointing that out but some agents and editors might catch the first one and not read further which, let's be honest here, would be a shame, wouldn't it?
Jane

This is fucking awesome. By the way, you have great taste in authors. This reminds me of American Psycho, which is my favorite novel of all time, which I guess says something about me. Fucking shelved!

Wow. This is REALLY violent, shelved. Ch 1 is really over the top.
Ch 2 horrifically menacing..and so on...I didn't really get the story,
no clue from the ptch...except that its surreal and he's totally estranged
from his society. ...CREEPY stuff........Mikey (The Free)

Amazing how many of these comments say 'horror is not my thing but I like this anyway' - well, horror is very much my thing and this is definitely doing the business. Completely backed. If you have the opportunity to glance at The Narrows I'd be very grateful - not out of some kind of reciprocal social-networking loveliness thing but because you're writing the kind of stuff I'm interested in. Maybe we can compare notes.
James

Hi there, that's a blistering opening chapter - humour and violence and colourful descriptions all the way through. The surrealist edge is topped off by the final reference to... I think, Marilyn Manson. Amazing stuff, a real find!

P

Jesus! What an opening! Your descriptions are bordering on poetic, and provide a fantastic polar opposite to the gore. This mates well with the dialogue, he jokes and laughs about the scenario, pretending he's just flirting, when actually he is killing. The bizarre nature of this book reminds of American Psycho; a man and story completely unsuited to the acts he commits, and that is why it, and your book, work so well.

Andrew

Shaun,

Quite a violent opening. I'm a whimp when it comes to violence, so I almost gave up, but I read on to chapter 3. I really liked chapter 3 -- the character development hooked me and I found myself quite entranced with your novel at this point. Nat and Viggo have great chemistry together and their dialogue felt quite natural.

I did notice a lot of errors and one in particular drove me crazy. You use stood wrong in so many places throughout the first three chapters. You have Nat say "I was stood in a corner" as if someone put him there and other variations on this annoyance. Also, dialogue punctuation is wonky. However, this is easily fixed with a good editor.

On my shelf for inventiveness.

ML

Thriller!! Thriller nights!! Fun stuff.
You have a lot of description here. Your writing is so poetic and descriptive that you need to be careful of you. Some may not be able to follow as well as they would like with as much detail you have given to describing scenes in your own way. My only suggestion is to make sure others follow your line of thought when you write. I read chapter one and part of chapter two twice to make sure I understood the whole thing. But I believe you have some real talent worthy of praise. Happy to place you on my shelf.
Love and Fear: The Diary of Oliver Lee
Kenny

Suitably blood-thirsty, cruel,and extreme. Great relentless writing. Not my genre, but I can see it becoming one of those 'cult' reads. You either love it or hate it. Backed with pleasure.

An incredably graphic opening, yet the depiction of violence becomes convincing and believable rather than gratuitous. Very well written, and nothing I can nit-pick with. Backed.

-Jenny-

What can I say?

Vicious, nasty, clever, cruel. Yep you've out aliened Alien in the first chapter, and the second. Back to urban reality in the third. Loved it.

I saw nothing to criticize so I'm not going to try.

Should do well on here and its up for a quick spin on my shelf

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Bloody hell! Literally. Gut-wrenchingly visceral, a nightmare painted in the most vibrant colours. This is horror writing at it's gore splattered best. Intelligent, controversial and utterly gripping. There is a huge market for a book this well written, this unusual. Shelved , now standing well back as it soars up the charts.

Excerpts from teh Everyday Unknown--
Shaun,
Wow... where do you come up with this stuff. Distrubing to say the least.
I don't read horror, or even watch it.
I read through as much as I could - but really I only had to read the first few paragraphs to know you can write.
For your horror fans... I think they will love this. You're writing is very gripping, and descriptive.
I'll give it a spin on my shelf.
~Krista
--Riley's Gift

Wow, you certainly can write. Left me a little speachless. Not sure what to say..Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

Great pitch - really interested, glanced over the first few pages, I find your writing style interesting, I will read more...............

This was reckommended on a forum and wow is all I can say.....

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

Blimey! Shelved.

Hi Shaun don't know what to say, I was eating some toast but had to put it down, couldn't stomach it! Your writing is great, very graphic, I'm not a horror girls in fact I hide behind a pillow whenever there is a scary film on but this is good stuff for the genre.
I'll give it a spin on my shelf.
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Shaun,
Holy mackerel! Not exactly your typical boy-girl story or chick lit, but it is incredible writing. How do you manage to think of all that gore. Well done. Probably the most vivid nightmare description I have ever read and you make it all so real. Yikes! I'm still shaking in my boots. I wondered how you could possibly follow that Chpt One so I turned to Chpt Two where Nat is giving some very good advice. Just how do you sleep at night with all those images flashing through your brain. Excellent horror writing and I recommend it to all who want to be scared shitless, and by the way, millions do. Good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Ooohhh, Shaun! This stuff is gripping! Horror is not normally my thing, but I can tell you're a great writer, and your audience will find this entertaining and fascinating. Great job! On my shelf.

Kim
Invisible Justice

If you can imagine the scene, I was reading this with one hand scrolling down and the other on my chest, patting it in an attempt to slow my heart rate down and regulate my breathing. This was gory! Unrelenting, even after she was dead! I think I got the image of the monster - kind of exposed bones and sharp parts. Certainly graphic and horrific (like your tags suggest). At the moment I don't know why he kills - just a hunger for it? But I shall be reading on to find out when I recover from this chapter!
One thought about your pitch - you may want to break it into paragraphs to make it easier to read and have more visual impact.
Kendall Craig, The Halo of Delight)