Stealing Me

Stopped at ch 11. This is a bit rough but with a solid premise, and generally well done. Considering the popularity of dark SF now, I'm surprised some outfit hasn't picked it up. I've seen worse on Baen, although they tend toward the military.

Dai Alanye

Love the line: 'He'd lived 34 years, and could grow five o'clock shadow by half-past two.' I know the feeling :)

I like this ....

Jon

This has real potential and drew me in since manchester is my home. Needs some work to polish but other than that, great find

Great story, well written, intriguing argument. Would love to read more.

Would love you to read some of mine. Walker

great setting in reality as a lot of people know manchester. Cob is well defined character and this story really rattles along. You write very well, very naturally. backed with pleasure.

Hi Carl,

A cracking opening chapter with a great hook at the end of it. Most enjoyable.

A few suggestions to be helpful:

too many adjectives in sentence re. hooligan (10 -- intoxicated, bald, white, stripey, black, chav-style, strong, heavy, dimly-lit, Spanish)

stoned four year old (maybe better say 14year old as four year olds don't generally get stoned and 14 year olds giggle a lot)

An average face -- no such thing -- adds nothing to the description as it means nothing -- miss it out.

He fell backwards into the street, surely he'd have fallen backwards into the restaurant as he was trying to shut the door from inside and was therefore facing outwards. Wouldn't there be a crash, a broken table or something?

lightless? maybe find a better word?

Please ignore as you wish, of course.

BACKED!

Best wishes,
Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

First of all, I found the pitch completely intriguing. I know Manchester particularly well (I'm from Crewe) and couldn't wait to dive int your prose. I'm delighted I did - pacy, gripping, funny and with excellent dialogue. I read three chapters and the time flew by. Cob is a great character and there is a directness to your work that ensure it is page turning scifi and I believe this could do very well here.
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time Hunters

love it, 'he was a bloody school teacher, for crying out loud', great mix of bizarre, scary ad humorous. Backed, Luke.

The idea of 'overweight middle-aged men trying desperately to cling to their skinhead hooligan roots' told me straight away that this author's character observation was going to give me plenty more treats and, to the end of your first chapter, nobody could be disappointed in that department.
When the 'Fuck off' arrives after all the strained politeness, yes there is a sense of impending trouble but also the contrast between false politeness and coarseness is good because it exposes both as undesirable.
The confrontation is raw, gritty and certainly not for the squeamish and yet, underlying all, is a devilish wit which, for me, is the most attractive and engaging element in your impacting first chapter.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Anything set in Manchester instantly has my interest, and I love the dirty, realistic feel you've given this piece. Fantastic pacing and a great, gritty take on the realism of identity theft. You're skilled, that much is clear, and that's a rare thing to find even among published authors.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Carl -

Everything about this is right on the money.

From a subject that shows up in the news almost every day, to an MC the reader can care about.

Love the pacing, too.

Backed, happily.

And I would love to see your thoughts on my book whan you get a chance.

Good luck here.

Thanks.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Carl, your first two chapters are a smooth, enjoyable read. Nothing to nitpick in these two sections.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Greetings Carl, and kudos for Stealing Me! I found the manuscript to be gritty, suspenseful, and mod. Excellent ending to the introductory chapter: "...he certainly knew his own face. And this wasn't it." The suspense bar is instantly elevated, and the reader is practically required to keep pressing on further into the storyline to find out what exactly happened to Cob after being roughed up by "Stripy." Brilliantly executed! Backed.

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

This is a scary story. First, because having our identity stolen is something we all worry about. Second, because of your writing style. It's terse and clean; no time lost on descrptions; just a good style that keeps things moving forward. Cob is a sympathetic character. Makes this a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

The opening description is fantastic!

Hi Carl,

As another book about Manchester (like mine) I had to have a quick look at this...

This is well written. Wittily so, and you build your character quickly (quickly evoking empathy for all those of us who can't be doing with having to breathe someone's smoke...). Original premise, gripping plot and a well-written female character (which isn't the easiest thing for a male writer to do).

It makes me grumpy to discover that there's such good competition on Authonomy :)

Your ranking is going down at the moment so it is a pleasure to back this and help you edge up.

Any thoughts on the Mancunian authenticity of my own book always welcome!

S.

(CROW)

After a few chapters i see that you can induce intensity with the speed of prose and bring things to life with evocative description and authentic dialogue. An interesting read.

BACKED

I actually really liked this, and this might not normally be the type of story that I might go for. The opening was very good, always an important achievement in its own right. The dialogue was pretty strong and just generally I found the whole thing engaging and very easy to read: a touch of rough humour here and there is very useful. Well done, this is backed! :)

This is a very well written thriller. I like your smooth, easy prose style, laced with wit and humour,such as the lines, 'Memory, which hadn't so much gone away as loitered about trying to be inconspicuous;' and it's a pleasure to read prose which has no faulty grammar or misuse of words. Your plot, of course, is a very strong plus point for the book. As well as being imaginative and original, it is fast moving and believable, and full of great hooks. The last line of your first chapter, for instance, is really brilliant. 'And this wasn't it.' And the third chapter, with Cob knocked out again by the,'baton-wielding nightmare police,' draws us on equally strongly. Add to all this a character, Cob, whom we can really relate to, and I'm convinced you have a winner here. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Stealing Me-

This is truly an original turn on a new trend. I read through ch4 and it just keeps getting better and better. Great hooks at the end of chs 1 and 4. Well-written too--clear prose, good dialog. I like the alternating pov. Nothing here not to like. Good job. -Brad (Larcenous Tendencies I & II)

Yeah, Have to agree this is an excellent and original idea and easy to read in its 5/6 line paragraphs form , not sure if thats right or not , but doesn't really ditract from a good read...

Man, what an opening. This is a thriller with a capital T, and you know exactly what you're doing. Pace, hooks, characters, dialogue - you have it all. A sizzling, unputdownable page-turner.
Shelved.
Frank

Hi Carl

Kind of a cross between Face Off and the Net, but more male and certainly more gritty. I tend to watch movies in this genre- not so much on the reading (except here!). Your chapter 1 is amazing. Even a die-hard la-la-land head like mine would be drawn by how you set it up...a scrap that goes wrong, only to wake up with a new face? Really good stuff.

Shelved.

All the best
Elaina

Your pitch was so well written, I couldn't help but want to read the book.

"Girlish little giggle" that's so awesome. Great imagery.

Wonderful writing. I wasn't disappointed. Great characterization and dialog. It was very easy to imagine myself there.

Shelved.
Andrea
The Key of Kilenya

What an imagination you have! This takes the modern-day crime of identity-theft to the extreme, and you brilliantly paint a very scary world which must be everyone's worst nightmare. This is great writing, and I'm certain this book will do very well. Backed with enthusiasm. Best wishes, Tony.

Stealing Me

Carl, what a writer, you are. As I didn't read the pitch, this was so not what I was expecting, and I'm glad I didn't read it because it was such a surprise. Hahah, I didn't even know it was sci-fi, and I don't even LIKE science fiction! Reading it was like watching a film, a sitting on the edge of your seat, film. :o.

A few bits and bobs, below.

The intoxicated bald man…to the dimly lit Spanish restaurant sentence, seems a tad long.

…with the stripy black and white… Maybe striped black and white?

His three quarter length white shorts, the usual uniform for overweight, middle-aged men trying desperately to cling to their skinhead hooligan roots, were grimy round the bottom, and he had his left hand inside them, cupping his genitals as though afraid they might drop off when he wasn’t looking.... Not sure if three quarter length needs hyphens? Also, this sentence seems rather long at almost fifty words, and I wondered if you’d consider splitting it?

Consider something like this?
His three-quarter-length white shorts, the usual uniform for overweight, middle-aged men trying desperately to cling to their skinhead hooligan roots, were grimy round the bottom. He stuck his left hand inside them and cupped his genitals as though afraid they might drop off when he wasn’t looking.

Hahah…I haven’t seen anyone holding their ciggie like that for decades!

…like a stoned four- year-old girl… I’ve added hyphens.

Stripy looked him in the eye… Ah, I see now why you used ‘stripy’.

…he was [suddenly] unable to say anything…

… to cry out before stripy… I think you should you have a capital S on stripy as this is now the name which Cob is giving him?

…nutted him… when I first read this term I thought Stripy was going to kick, or punch him in the conkers. Is 'nutted' the same as ‘head-butted’ him?

His last [conscious] thought was… Maybe cut conscious as you’ve already used consciousness right before it? Also was thinking, he’s having his last thought AFTER he lost consciousness? This could be solved, if you so wish to, by saying, - His last thought HAD BEEN, bizarrely, about his kidneys, and wondering if he’d shit blood when he woke… Awoke, or woke up? Not sure.

Okay, you now have ‘woke up’… maybe, - When Cob awakened/came to? as you’ve used woken again in the same sentence? I’m an awful nit-picker, aren’t I? :o( It’s just that these little things jump right out at me.

Not sure about popping into second person? It really doesn’t bother me for I’ve used it once or twice in Muckers, but I have been told it’s a no-no with editors.

…only to find that they were secured at his sides. – Oh dear…

…shouting and cursing in his fear, bellowing as loud as he could, asking for rescue and help…how about, instead of telling us this you have him do these things himself?

…and for the first time was aware of echoes… How about, - for the first time became aware of echos?

A bleary lack of comprehension made Cob’s mind stutter in protest. Consider, Shite! (or other such swear word) What the bloody hell/fuck’s happening?

And this wasn’t it.

O boy...

Ch 2 I like the way you’ve portrayed Jenny. Not a perfect figure, but very natural.

The guy in the lavatory? Cob’s face???

Nah…He hasn’t been missing that long.

Jenny backed off, faster, bumped into the door frame, and gave a squeal of startled fright, took her eyes off the snick on the door. [and when]When, she looked again, it was moving down. The key fit. The door was unlocking. Jenny’s heart was racing, (so is mine!) beating wildly, praying to God she’d locked the mortis (don’t know what mortis is?) earlier, and knowing deep down [that] it wasn’t. The door was about to swing inwards.

Ch. 3 O, boy, what a chapter…Dying to know just what kind of police these ones are. Wondered why the other naked people didn’t say anything when Cob called out for help in chapter one?

Ch, 4. Bit confused with this. I thought Cob didn’t smoke so wouldn’t Jenny have said something?
Ah, there you go. She did mention it. He has the same tone of voice as Cob?

I’m assuming in later chapters, you’ll show us how the exchange happened in so short a time?

Well, I had only planned to read the first chapter but couldn’t resist reading four, and want to read even more.

There was ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ futuristic feel about this book. Very good, indeed. :o)

This better go to the Ed’s desk.

Already backed.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

from the everyday altercation into nightmare

swyping is a v strong idea, in fact, swype would make a good title..

very easy to get into, this, and it movels along at a cracking pace, punctuated by some witty remarks..

the idea of the first generation machines, screwing you up, whilst the new ones let you sepnd an evening as another sex is cool, too.

shelved for energetic nightmarish thriller, intelligently, grippingly written.

freddie
("honour")

For Stealing Me

Wow! This is really good. The ending of the first chapter caught me totally by surprise. Cob is a great main character and you've made him sympathetic without making him someone to pity. I've read through three chapters, and each one ends in a spot that just compels the reader to continue on. We have to find out what this mysterious Cull is, and what happened to Cob. Very well done and backing.

This should do very well, Carl: the themes are sharply contemporary, and the treatment - although clearly in a 'popular' mode - is extremely original. Rich with ideas, the novel is skilfully constructed, lucidly written, and (I shouldn't be swayed by this, but I am) set in Manchester. The cover's brilliant, too - perfectly judged to echo the title and the notion of lost identity. 'Stealing Me' should be published and turned into a film/TV drama. Very fine...

Ivan

Hi Carl, this is a well executed, thought out book with a great premise. I'm at chapter nine, arriving without a break, interested to see where it goes. 'Revenge', it says at the end. Well, we've had everything else so why not? Shelved, Scott.

A theme that should resonate with todays high tech audience. Enjoyed the read.

Hi Carl,

I'm here for my sympathy read. *grin*

I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.


Pitch

~ "Ed Cobham... got there." - maybe break this up a bit. Seems like a lot of info for one sentence. Otherwise, I think your pitch is good - especially the hook at the end about "his own skin".

Chapter One

~ "...and Cob thought he might be just about resisting sniffing..." - maybe reword, because the double "ing" sounded a bit awkward

~ "Memory, which hadn't so much gone away..." - excellent line

~ Feeling very claustrophobic now!

~ Yikes - what a hook to end on.

Chapter Two

~ "... the arm that wasn't having its fingernails consumed." - maybe find a different way to say this? Seemed a bit of a mouthful (no pun intended).

~ "... then burst into tears on the couch." - dropping "on the couch" would give you a stronger note to end on.

~ Oh dear - why do I get the feeling Ed/NotEd is heading home to Jen - this can't be good.


Okay, you've grabbed me. I promise this isn't out of sympathy - shelved!

~ Traci
Tangled Web

Wow I was hooked from your first paragraph. I like that you've put a new spin to a stolen identity premise and made it very unique. This is well written with a nice fast pace to it. Happy to shelve.

Melissa

I read ch 1, 2, and 10.

Not your usual identity theft story. Nice turns of phrase, good hooks at the end of the chapters. Dialogue's working, too.

A few narrative hiccups with 'that' and 'had,' and a few other narrative speedbump words here and there, might want to look at those.

A fun read worthy of its quick rise in such short time. All the best.

Hi Carl,

You get more than a sympathy vote from me!!

This is great stuff... you had me laughing at the first paragraph, scallies with their hand down their kecks (we always say the same as you - they must be worried they might fall off!!) and the gigarette being held between the thumb and the forefinger - I had an ex that did that, one of the MANY reasons he became an ex, anyway, back to your story...

It's sooo gripping, loved the hook at the end of chapter one and I really like Jenny. She made me smile when she gave Cob a gob load down the phone then said she hoped he was ok.

The whole Cull thing is exciting - this would make a great drama - high quality of course like Spooks ;o)

On the shelf ;o)

Love Bev x

Love Overboiard

Carl, fascinating premise and very engagingly written. Love the cover art too! Shelved.

Hi Carl,

Started kind of slow, then took off like a rocket! Interesting story slowly unfolding into something that was not at all expected from the pitch or even the first couple chapters. You had me through ch5 and now I'm stopping to comment.

ch1. I think I'd have liked to know Cob better before he's taken, so to speak, his relationship with Jenny, for example, and him as a man. POV was violated when you described his physical appearance but later events justified that we needed that information.

In ch4, I was thrown when Jenny called the man who came in "Cob" when I knew it wasn't and then I was a bit confused when she didn't seem too caught by the way he acted. I thought her emotions should have been deeper. POV switch in this chapter too, from Jenny to Shaun. It was okay for her to refer to him as "Cob" but I think in his mind, he'd still be "Shaun". Were these random takings? If not, I'd think some research would have been done so the "new" could better mimic the "old". Shaun just didn't seem to want to try to be Cob.

Good hooks at the end of each chapter and I like that were short chapters--kept the pages turning. Your style is light and easy to read. This has all the earmarks of a good sci-fi thriller--not my genre, but I'd probably read it anyway! Backed. ~Barb

Hi Carl, this really is a gripping sci-fi thriller. Read the first three chapters and am keen to find out what happens next! 'Swyped' is a scary thought, and I loved the fast-moving, page turning style. Shelved!

Agneta

Hi Carl

The opening paragraph really sets the scene in a nutshell (pardon the vague pun!), and the riviting writing made me read and read. I was hurrying towards chapter 2, and no, I didn't want Jenny, I wanted Cob. But had to wait. And thankfully not for too long. You really kept the momentum up. There is so much to hook in the reader in this. Cob's predicament, Jenny's nightmare to come, and the Cull??? What's that all about? I haven't time to read further than the end of chapter 4, but I would love to. Excellent!! Backed. Nicky (The Changeling Tree.)

Hi Carl,

What a superb read. Brilliant ch 1, totally believable character and dialogue, and one of the best end-chapter hooks I've seen for a long time. Quite unexpected!
Ch 2 begins the fill the story out but never strays into info-dump. The image of Jenny sitting crying on her sofa felt completely real.
And the personality-thief in the lavatory was made excellently creepy by the way he just looked at the boys.
Great stuff!

The only note I made as I read concerned 'The ache that lanced up..' To me, it sounded like more than an ache.
But that's a very minor point in a polished and well-written book.
On my shelf.
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

So topical, up to the minute stuff that starts with an energising first chapter and the last few lines of it are superb. Sharp sentences keep the story alive and what a good story you tell. Not my most favourite genre but you held my interest enough for me to want to keep reading. Lovers of thrillers will not be disappointed, I'm sure. Happily backed. Margaret.

Carl,

Your quick chapters really draw the reader along and make it a page-turner. What a scary concept! You jump right into the action and don't spend a lot of time before the plot explodes on us. The writing is equally as crisp and the characters are interesting.

I noticed the odd sentence that forced me to read twice to understand, but that happened more in chapter one than in two. On the whole, two is a very clean, concise chapter.

On my shelf,

ML

Hi Carl,
I like this - its as simple as that, just like your writting style - straight to the point. It really grabbed my attention and kept pulling me in - shelved!!!!
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Great cover, title and Sci-fi in Manchester? The writing's nicely lean and purposeful. Winning potential.

Glad I backed this a couple of days ago - now I've read on, it's superb - sharp as a razor - what at hook: knew his own face. Easy-to-read sized chapters, snappy sentences, and terrifying plot from the perspectives of both Cob and Jenny. Hey, and then Cull and sweepers. The one thing I wondered about was why one of the noobs knew about what was happening ... but I guess I better read on to find out. I'll definitely buy this.

Amazing. The first chapter resonates so well. A lot of men must be sympathetic to Cob's position in the pub. It certainly drew this reader straight in. And then the brilliant hook at the end. Everything seems just right about this story; it's drole, tightly-written and full of character. Backed.

Carl, you’ve written a thrilling page turner, worthy of some of the best out there – some of them are on your list of favourite authors. The story is well told with great characters, some gripping imagery and slick dialogue. As you know, I started reading this last night and find myself at the beginning of chapter 11, Shaun finding out what Cob experienced as a teacher. Seemed like poetic justice. This is a thoroughly enjoyable and easy read.

On my shelf.

Carl, you’ve written a thrilling page turner, worthy of some of the best out there – some of them are on your list of favourite authors. The story is well told with great characters, some gripping imagery and slick dialogue. As you know, I started reading this last night and find myself in chapter 11, Shaun finding out what Cob experienced as a teacher. Seemed like poetic justice. This is a thoroughly enjoyable and easy read.

On my shelf.

Hi Carl,
This is creepy sci-fi stuff! “Cob wasn’t having the brightest of days, but he certainly knew his own face. And this wasn’t it.” I’m guessing he regrets complaining about the smoke after waking up locked in a warehouse with someone else’s face. “We’re all noobs. Everyone in this van, we’re all officially nobody.” Shaun, who was Cob would never be accused of being a gentleman. I like that we get Jenny’s perspective on things as it grounds the story with a more human element as a contrast with the M17 stuff. Instinctively she knows it’s not Cob by his behaviour but logic dictates that he is standing there looking physically like Cob so it must be him with some sort of personality transplant or possession by the devil. Thank goodness she called the police and the mystery thickens with the visit from the two police officers who realise Cobb’s been swiped but aren’t going to let poor Jenny out of her misery by explaining it all to her. Stubble’s intriguing – the best swyper spy welcomed back into the fold and I got a laugh out of his explanation that if you go around saying, “I am Legion” that they lock you in a mental institution. I’ve read up until chapter 10 and would read on as it is engrossing, but I’ve got to start my work day. Shelved without hesitation and best of luck with this.
Cheers,
Heather
Friends & Pho

Stunning opening - sorry about the pun - truly gripping. Such a shock after the spanish restaurant, the two giggling drunks and the dust up in the door way. the story started in an interesting but unexciting way - and I settled to read in that frame of mind. soo wrong. Great writing... good luck - should rise to the top