Palatine

Palatine
The year 68 AD...what a great year to choose! It is full of intrigue and secrets, threats and corruption, all heading towards civil war and the creation and death of emperors. How could a history lover resist it!
You do a great job in bringing Sabinus, Epaphroditus and other figures alive. Their interaction and thoughts on each other are fascinating and convincing.
The dialogue is convincing too. It sounds appropriate for the characters, which is difficult in an historical novel (I know from my own experience of writing about Ancient Greece!) You can't write it as they would have spoken..the Latin would restrict your readership rather badly! But it would sound ridiculous if your characters used modern slang. So you have to find a middle course where the reader understands it easily but feels satisfied it's an ancient Roman speaking. Not easy but well done to you, because I think you've got it right.
I enjoyed the view of "ordinary" Rome through the eyes of the recently freed Philo and felt sorry for him as he struggled to adapt to his new life where he had to make decisions, choose clothes to wear and organise his money. He's lonely away from the Palace and still in fear of the slave overseer; I'm wondering if he'll be used by any of the rivals in the power struggle that's about to erupt.
There were amusing moments too, for eg Nero's arrival in the garden room, preceded by the jugglers and dancers etc and then Sporus' preparation by the cruel mistress of the wardrobe. Well, I'm not sure if the latter was exactly amusing, because I felt sorry for him, but it was certainly instructive and entertaining. It was also another reminder that Nero was unhinged.
You must have carried out a lot of research and it really shows. Without being aware of it, I learnt a lot, though the facts never impede the pace of the story. I wonder if you write about Vespasian? He is my favourite emperor, so I hope you are kind to him!
Polished writing, only 2 minor nitpicks:
In your short pitch, I think stationary should be stationery .
In Chapter 5, near the start of the chapter, as Epaphroditus enters Nero's room, you write "glid". Is that a word? Do you mean slid or glide perhaps?
I enjoyed this enormously. I've read the Cato books by Simon Scarrow and a couple by Harry Sidebottom. You all have your different style, obviously, but in my opinion your book compares favourably with theirs. So I wish you luck with this and hope you find a publisher soon.
I am backing Palatine.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Different from everthing I have ever read.
Not something I would have ever read before. And for that I give you props. It is clear you have a love for this era. It shines through in your work.
Quite imaginitive.
I love seeing works like this, it just proves that not EVERY story has been written and there are some ORIGINAL works out there.
BACKED
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Palatine plunges us straight into the intrigues of ancient Rome with the clock firmly ticking towards the end of Nero's decadent reign. The subject matter is complicated but the writer has simplified it effortlessly without ever giving the impression he is dumbing down for a wider audience. While some commentators here have criticized the britishness of some of the expressions, I have no such reservations. The dialogue struck me as authentic and the characters are well portrayed and defined. I only wish there were more than 6 chapters available so I could see the author's take on Otho, Vitellius and Vespasian and the remaining cast of rogues and rebels, heroes and villians, yet to be introduced. Allan Massie in Nero's Heirs treated the same period, and while that was an enjoyable read, this has the potential to be much better. Backed

John O'Brien - Other Face

I adore the breezy, modern treatment of the story. Informal, cheeky, irreverent. This serves the book well; it especially ties the potentially reluctant reader of such a story set in this era to the words, and the characters, and draws them in. Entirely remarkable. . .and marketable!!

Your gift for dialogue is perfection. As I read, I was thinking, how different and refreshing my own "past times" book would be, told in YOUR style! Yet, this is not Historical Fiction Lite. You present the history effortlessly. . .no mean trick given the modern, fast pacing of the story. Does not slow it down one bit. I am going to return to read the rest of the story, without prodding!

Thanks for your comments and backing. I have to confess my ignorance about the era, so on the factual side I can't make any constructive criticism.
It's important to educate we who do not know!
I admire anyone writing historical novels. You truly have to love the craft and do reams of research. From my point of view that's true commitment and if you write well, which you do, fans of the genre will buy your book.
Good luck, thank you for adding to my historical knowledge.
Five stars.

Best wishes,
Carole

Thanks for your comments and backing. I have to confess my ignorance about the era, so on the factual side I can't make any constructive criticism.
It's important to educate we who do not know!
I admire anyone writing historical novels. You truly have to love the craft and do reams of research. From my point of view that's true commitment and if you write well, which you do, fans of the genre will buy your book.
Good luck, thank you for adding to my historical knowledge.
Five stars.

Best wishes,
Carole

Sounds most amusing. Wl for now will ceratinly take a look
Alex
Light Beyond the Storm

just want to thank you for backing even unto death, I have also backed your book Palatine, I read some and it looks to be a great book. I will read more soon, thanks again and God bless

Hello,I thought I'd read a book by someone who likes 'Flashman's Lady ' and Suetonius - two of my favourite works. I was very amused by your picture of Tigellinus - my old friend from 'Quo Vadis',he undoubtedly seems as if he is about to stumble completely off the radar - and I liked the reference to' Vindex and his trousered bastards',very amusing - and somewhat disconcerting to some people,not knowing,perhaps, that they all wore trousers in Gaul in those days, definitely a sign of ill-breeding as far as the toga'd Romans were concerned.Its very exciting that you plan four novels on this period - the Year of the Four Emperors,do you intend to include the jaded sensualist,Petronius Arbiter,one of my favourite historical characters.I think you have made a brilliant start.Would you be so kind as to take a look at my novel 'A Buccaneer' about Pirates in the 17th century and includes the Great Plague of London, Caius College,Cambridge, the attack on Panama 1671 ,Spanish ladies, five-handed duels and much more,with best wishes,Strachan Gordon

This is my year! The Year of the Four Emperors is a god send to writers and this book does full it justice. It is not overtly academic but the research is very, very good. It is irreverant and for once in my life I actually quite like Sabinus : ) (although I am a strong Vindex supporter!)

Congratulations on an enlivening, entertaining book. It's a shame to knock someone off, but this is now on my shelf!

I came to read after seeing your thread about the awful trials you suffered researching this book. ;) I have always enjoyed this period of history, and have read many books based around it. I'm enjoying this one very much. Your scenes are natural, and don't at all smack of 'I must put in these historical details to prove I know my stuff' which some novels suffer from. It's all in there naturally and easily. Dialogue is good, too, and you paint a picture of the people, situations and places vividly.

We like Philo, and perhaps identify with him more in his experience of being 'ordianary' and having to adapt to circumstances. This comapared with the excesses of the nutty Nero gives brilliant constrast. I have a couple of chatpers left to read, but you kept my interest. Starred and on my waiting list. Good stuff.
Cariad.



btw - tiny thing - I think it should be 'practices' not practises at the bottom end of chapter 2.

This is a good story and well told with convincing, imaginative characters. The plot has early suspense and creates conflict and the dialogue is, for the most part, credible and appropriate to the setting. I hate long drawn out descriptive passages but maybe some of the narrative could perhaps benefit from a little more colour to add flavour. My biggest criticism is an over use of the passive 'was' which at times became a distraction and you could perhaps re-word some of them.

In summary, I found Palatine very enjoyable and it is the type of novel I would buy.

Best wishes,
Linton

Being a Roman, I enjoyed this very much. The writing has a nice, easy flow, and the story-telling is really good. The tone is light and there’s plenty of humour, with some great characters. My favourite part was the Daedulus and Nero scene in Ch.6, and the poor, poor nomenclator. Also, the “Good luck with that one” line. Terrific.
I found a few typos, which I’ll send separately in a message.
Anyway, a really entertaining read which deserves a much higher ranking than it currently has; indeed, based on this extract, it deserves to be published.

Historical drama's would not normally attract me, but the humour within this makes it an entertaining read. Dwelling on the normality of everyday life is an angle few take when dealing with Rome and its vast empire, but it's probably nearer the truth than any academic will ever get.

All too often in life we forget that history is built by people, and people have pretty much stayed the same for millennia after millennia. I'm sure when man invented fire somebody else commented on how 'it wouldn't last, and was all just a big gimmick to sell fire wood'.

Well written and funny, two things I ask of any book.

Good luck with this, others deserve to be entertained by it.

I especially enjoyed chapter three--quite vivid. Some marvelous phrases: The worms did keep crawling out. More barren than an Arabian desert. Loved the way you described the effect of Nero's entrance. And I readily got caught up in the interchange over the Ox. You were able to immerse me into the scene well. Generously starred.
Cheers!
John B Campbell

A couple edits I caught,

Brutal zeal he had (instilled not installed) in his guards.

"Sabinus was wound (to the) breaking point..."

This is a very well-worded and accessible historical novel. You have the historical detail to make it realistic, but the dialogue is snappy and modern enough that the modern reader isn't lost in heavy old-fashioned wording. The intrigues of the palace are captured here in-depth, and it's interesting to see your hero trying to defend Nero instead of depose an emperor who all agree was certainly a tyrant and likely insane. Whether he continues to do so or joins the plot I'll have to read on to see. Highly stared and on my watchlist for rotation up to my shelf.

All the best wishes!

Nathan Maki - A War Within

Hi LJ, clean writing, strong pace and focused plotline. your dialog provides both insight and atmospherics.
ranked and backed.
no micro quibbles here.
very best, andy

As a history buff, your pitch reeled me right in and once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I noticed a few minor nits, but otherwise I can't find anything to criticize. This is a well-written story that I could escape into repeatedly. Good luck!

A very interesting read, and a good depiction of life in ancient Rome. Well researched.

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Wit, pace, tension. A great combination making for an even greater read.

Backed by E.

This is just my cup of tea! It is immediate, funny, and gripping at the same time. I've read my Suetonius, and I can honestly say that you're doing the era justice in every word!

I wish I could read the whole thing. If it were online, I'd still be reading it now.

There are a few slips here and there, typos, that sort of thing, but other readers have already picked up on those, so I won't go through them again.

Any chance of tempting you to post some more? :-)

Backed with GREAT pleasure!

I.Soldatos
Bad Bishop

LJ,

this is good, very, very good - Imperial Rome fascinates and repels the reader at the same time and this you do very well. I'm drawn to writing where the lines blur and each character you've created treads a fine line.

You have a great imagination and the description of the fish market and smell of sardines could be developed further; the smells and the sounds of an imperial city going about its everyday chores would embellish this fine piece of writing,

backed

Rob

PALATINE
Backed.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

Your brilliant, dynamic story grabbed me and kept me riveted. Credible characters. Crisp dialogue. Confident narrative. Vital writing. I absolutely love this masterfully composed historical story. Backed.

Hi LJ

Super pitch and terrific idea! I haven't seen the whole Roman thing done with humour - portentousness is the usual style. It's a very convincing re-creation and now I see it, it seems to work most naturally. Well done. Backed.

Nicole

should it be "a slingshot"? maybe not.

Dear LJ
well I see my comment but where is the backing?
it was actually the title then reading the Emperor Nero writing poetry which totally peaked my interest, truly funny. but yes it was the book cover that grabbed me the first time around and then the second as well. Yes i have commented and backed your book, however cannot find the backing so will do it again, because it is WORTH IT
the VERY best of luck
If you have not already , please comment on my book and BACK it if not that is OK also
Denise
The Letter

Dear LJ
I know I have already commented but I just wanted to say 'done' this is not all up on the site yet so will carry one when more comes
BACKED for sure by me
I do hope you review my book, please comment and if you feel, back it.
Thanks and BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BOOK
Denise
The Letter

Fabulous read. It's rare when someone can take all the cardboard names from my university text and breath life into them. A great setting and a great book. It will be calling me for a long time from my WL, and I can't wait to read further. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Dear LJ, I love your book cover & how it draws me in to history 2000 years ago in Rome - you put me right there as tell your story - history was my worst subject so it was nice to learn their customs & events. Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

The character names alone are enough to make the work great. I wish that my old Latin teacher could read your work because everyone would be on time for class if the storyline came-up for discussion. Directly before the realization of "Vindex being an idiot," -- out loud might be expressed aloud. Backed Chuck (Paperboy Adventures) (Literary Agent Blues)

You have captured the time period well and I like your attention to detail. Your descriptive writing style makes your novel a most intewrtaining read, Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning
P.S. As per your profile a return read will be appreciated.

Palatine
The year 68 AD...what a great year to choose! It is full of intrigue and secrets, threats and corruption, all heading towards civil war and the creation and death of emperors. How could a history lover resist it!
You do a great job in bringing Sabinus, Epaphroditus and other figures alive. Their interaction and thoughts on each other are fascinating and convincing.
The dialogue is convincing too. It sounds appropriate for the characters, which is difficult in an historical novel (I know from my own experience of writing about Ancient Greece!) You can't write it as they would have spoken..the Latin would restrict your readership rather badly! But it would sound ridiculous if your characters used modern slang. So you have to find a middle course where the reader understands it easily but feels satisfied it's an ancient Roman speaking. Not easy but well done to you, because I think you've got it right.
I enjoyed the view of "ordinary" Rome through the eyes of the recently freed Philo and felt sorry for him as he struggled to adapt to his new life where he had to make decisions, choose clothes to wear and organise his money. He's lonely away from the Palace and still in fear of the slave overseer; I'm wondering if he'll be used by any of the rivals in the power struggle that's about to erupt.
There were amusing moments too, for eg Nero's arrival in the garden room, preceded by the jugglers and dancers etc and then Sporus' preparation by the cruel mistress of the wardrobe. Well, I'm not sure if the latter was exactly amusing, because I felt sorry for him, but it was certainly instructive and entertaining. It was also another reminder that Nero was unhinged.
You must have carried out a lot of research and it really shows. Without being aware of it, I learnt a lot, though the facts never impede the pace of the story. I wonder if you write about Vespasian? He is my favourite emperor, so I hope you are kind to him!
Polished writing, only 2 minor nitpicks:
In your short pitch, I think stationary should be stationery .
In Chapter 5, near the start of the chapter, as Epaphroditus enters Nero's room, you write "glid". Is that a word? Do you mean slid or glide perhaps?
I enjoyed this enormously. I've read the Cato books by Simon Scarrow and a couple by Harry Sidebottom. You all have your different style, obviously, but in my opinion your book compares favourably with theirs. So I wish you luck with this and hope you find a publisher soon.
I am backing Palatine.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Magnificent! A magnum opus in the truest sense of the word. Historical fiction set in the Roman period is never an easy thing to get right, hence the reason why those who write it are so widely regarded. I've only read a few pages so far but I would easily put this on a par with anything by Simon Scarra or Harry Sidebottom. Backed with the greatest of pleasure, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

I found the pitch a bit disjointed. Despite my fondness for historical fiction, I almost didn't read this because there was no mention of war or fighting! Internal politics is all very well but you need a good scrap every now and then. How pleasantly surprised I was to read an excellent introduction in Chapter 1 and some brilliant dialogue in Chapter 2. You have a crisp, refreshing style. Even my caveman desires were catered for with the potential of 100,000 revolting people taking on Rome's best.

Palatine is just the type of mad and inventive tale that the poetically obsessed protagonist of my novel would salivate over.

Dark, disturbing and hilarious! Looking forward to reading more.

The fact that Palatine has a red arrow here is the stuff that literary coups are made of. Unacceptable.

I'm doing my part to change this. Backing the hell out of this book.

Best,

Greg
(Notes on an Orange Burial)

A lot of fun for someone who loves Roman history, and its utterly naked power politics. I hope Seneca makes an appearance.

I think this book has got something, and you may find The Wisdom of Sage an equivalent romp through the modern era.I have placed it on my watchlist, and hope to read it over the week-end. Forgiefv me nit-picking, but youhave only 200 words for your long pitch, yet you write 'manages the governance issues'; the last 3 words being very very modern, jar in this context, and meaningless.

Hi LJ, I enjoyed this very much. Your writing has ease and authority that wears its research lightly. I think you could weed out the use of 'was' at start of Chap 3. I found with my own writing that the use of this verb seems to suck the life out of prose giving a passive feel to description. However I found you soon brought the story to life through strong characterisation and snappy dialogue. The arrival of Nero with the air being sucked out of the room before his entrance is memorable. Backed with pleasure, I hope you get the time to check out my own ancient world saga,

Kevin
Fire in the Water

Your beautiful wiriting style lets me "see" the story, really well done. Backed with pleasure E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I enjoyed this and found myself reading it all. The treatment is easy but informative. I found the pitch rather misleading though, I was expecting something slightly satirical or comical and yet you classify it as historical fiction. Looking at it again, the pitch does not prepare us for the style. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Charles Dickens got away with it, but he was writing one of the iconic paragraphs in English lit. Generally, though, "It was" is not a good way to start a narrative. And that is the only critique I can offer for this. I particularly like your dialog, pretty much modern but believable coming from your characters. You've given them a good touch of humanity as well, which no doubt will dissolve into monstrosity as the story progresses. This is a great effort, and worthy of backing.
Craig
The Job

Wow this is something else you make the time period positivly jump out . Extremely good writing . You must have spent a lot of time on reserch as this seems authentic. Backed with pleasure.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Interesting concept. Although historical fiction isn't much my usual read, I found your complex story easy to follow and epic to read. Backed!

Brittany
My Last Notes

Your writing has style and content and story.
A zoomer
Going Out in Style

I took Latin for two years and now I know about Vindex. I really like historical fiction. This work is better than some that I wrote; it's excellent. Backed with Pleasure. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

The opening is good, a very clear statement of intent. I thought you could fill out the lack of response. More surprise and disappointment, perhaps. A touch of fear that lack of support could imply criticism and therefore potential danger?

The quality of your writing is excellent: smooth, economical, confident. The reader feels he is in very safe hands. He will not be let down. And I wasn't. As you see, I read to 6.

I was a little surprised that in your longer pitch you didn't end with a sentence which implies a deeper level than just one man's mission to remove another. I don't know what goes on after 6, but I suspect your novel is more the (unsuccessful, of course) quest to change history and have the excesses of the Roman Empire tamed. In other words, I believe your canvas is wider than your pitch describes.

A few typos. Eg in 6 giraffe's should be giraffes. commas missing. Is there such a word as 'glid'? Perhaps there is in US. Backed and more.

Rosalind
Good for Him

Beautiful descriptive prose! Imagination is fierce!!! Story leaps from the page and grabs reader from the start. Backed!!

Knowing that I enjoy the Roman theme, that being said, the book is very well written and holds the reader enthralled in the detail and the characters.
Particularly, I thought the entrance of Nero complete with dancers, jugglers, and the rest of his entourage was truly well done. If more of the story is posted please let me know.
Christine Elaine Black - MAXIMUS

It is always most difficult to write a historical period piece accurately and you did so superbly. Your character development is solid and your use of imagery is well done all sprinkled with profound insights. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Beautifully staged with great dialogue and brilliant descriptions. The pacing and flow are excellent. One little crit: every "sir" you have should be either "Sir" or "Sire".
Best of luck with this!
Love, Callaghan Grant (The Shouting Tree)

Great opening. Great setting with such economy of words. Lovely. Sorry you have not heard from me earlier. Site problems + life = no time to read.

Loving regards, Callaghan (The Shouting Tree)

Good first chapter, if a little short.

Second chapter started a bit slow. The long, long sentences were hard work. I had to force myslef to get through them. Tigellinus's entrance is good but he just leaves a scroll and is off. I felt you could have made more of that character. The 'slaves are revolting' joke elicited a groan.

You have Philo salute and exit and then when E opens the scroll he is there again. That was confusing.

'to the other Western Governor's' should probably be 'Governors' unless I'm misreading it.

'He realised with a jolt of reality' is an awkward sounding phrase, realised/reality being of the same derivation.

I think it's an interesting premise and the details feel authentic but I didn't find it a very smooth read. Apart from the minor errors (which could be sorted by a readthrough), the language felt a bit stilted to me.

I only read the first two chapters so my opnion is based on a very small sample, feel free to ignore.

regards
mood