Across the Bridge of Straw & Fog

+1000000, Okamoto. I cannot praise this novel enough. Languid and lyrical, 'Across the Bridge of Straw and Fog' is one of the finest in its genre I have ever read.

*It's also featured on my website this week, in the Fiction section.

CHEERS and very best of luck with it--
E.R.

I love this book.

your writing is fluid and lovely and your dialogue is so interesting while sounding totally natural, which can be a tricky balance.

i don't usually like self-referential style but loved this paragraph: "this would be the part of the story..."

the italics part in the opening seemed unclear. i wasn't sure who the narrator is, who you is. if this is intentional, fine.

i have trouble placing amanda's age which makes it hard to picture her. she speaks 'as a young girl', but the coughing and the way she says 'darling' make me think she's very old.

i didn't know the narrator was male til she says: "you're a lovely looking young man.' this seems too long.

i wasn't sure what she meant by 'i destroyed myself'

i really liked this but it got bogged down with biography before i was sure i was interested in her. it meandered and i never got a sense of where the story is going. it's all good so i don't know what i'd suggest trimming (maybe just moving some to the dense background to later sections on the book.) there's just so much of it. it picked up again for me when they leave to walk to her hotel.

anyway, iv hope something i've said is useful. i enjoyed the read.

This novel is engrossing. Extremely lyrical. You capture not just the scenery in Venice but also the feel of the city in your prose. The novel has a decadence to it and an element of Anais Nin. You maintain a really consistent voice throughout - a very unique voice - and one that I almost could hear in my head. Highly starred. Thank you for a fabulous read.

- Rena (Bunderful)

This novel is very layered and complex, written oh so sensuously at times that you long to light your cigarette while sitting outside in the piazza and lovingly sip your prosecco. Written in a mixture of styles it opens with a whiff of Hollywood and Gloria Swanson's Sunset Boulevard. A writer and an aging film star, though this woman is still brimming with life and sexual energy a metaphor for the aging Venice who attracts devotion despite its sinking piles and crumbling walls. As the novel moves into a kind of reportage though still layered with wonderfullly evocative descriptions the reader is led to wonder if it is Venice and Italy that compels the writer to love Amand more or is it Amanda that makes the writer love Italy. In the second chapter the author opens with a section that is more stream of consciousness that provides more of a window into the writer's background but also floods us with more sensuous and erotic images of Italy, hot and sticky and passionate like his encounters with Ifegenia and Donatella. But it is Amanda he wants to capture on paper and, we suspect, in person too.

In these two chapters I found a strong intensity conveyed by the use of voice and style as well as the lack of punctuated dialogue so well done I didn't notice it until the second chapter. This is a strong piece so well crafted. The opening though, I wonder if it might be better served to be more distinctly separate. When moving into the next section after he leaves Venice-- when he's arriving in Italy it is a little confusing, the reader might not appreciate what's happening. I'm not sure it works either that you repeat the same paragraph (well virtually) further down in chapter 1 when you talk about Amanda moving on to Hollywood. It would work for me more if the second one was more reportage from a magazine or newspaper which you cleverly insert in other areas. Anyway, just a suggestion to a very polished and beautifully written work. Kristin

This was ravishing and different. You commuicate a love for Venice and a wonder about the main character which draws us right in. Love how things jump about between past and present, with clips of old movies. Some passages were a bit long and too much description of Venice got tiresome though you love the place from the sound of it. Keep that to a minim and move us along. Fascinating. I'll read more later.
Kevin

Hi Okamoto,
I really liked this. I must confess to getting lost on more than one occasion where I didn’t quite follow where your narration had gone but I generally got back on track not too much later on. Your style of writing is very elegant. Once or twice there were paragraphs which were just that little bit too long – too many “ands” or too many commas.
From a formatting point of view, it’s worth trying to pick up some of the odd foreign words which you haven’t got in italics as the overwhelming majority of them are italicised. I would also remove the translation in brackets after giovanna. My view is that you think you need the translation, why use the foreign word in the first place. You don’t do this anywhere else.
You might want to remove one of the two paragraphs in Chapter One starting “Still later, Amanda Crespi left Italy for America, where she made movies with the likes of Robert De Niro… the embittered wife chain smoking by the window.” and “Later she left Italy for Hollywood, where she made movies with the likes of Robert De Niro… the embittered wife chain smoking by the window.” as they are pretty much duplications.
All in all, this really is rather beautifully written.
Best.

Brilliantly evokes the melancholy, sensual, slightly sinister atmosphere of Venice.

Sensual and seductive. Powerful writing, soulful, nostalgic and intensely moving. I was captivated from the moment I stepped with you into the Piazza San Marco, was gently caressed, brutally shaken and felt an overwhelming emptiness when I finished reading. I loved the weaving of fact and fiction, the atmospheric settings, moody, hazy grey interspersed with vibrant colour, flashing, cinematic. A book of longing, a book of rare brilliance, a book I shall not forget.

Ellie

The prose sings classically. I love the beginning in the cafe. The tone in the first chapter captures well the yearning and mystery. Six stars.
Best,
John B Campbell

http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/77737/it-s-novella-week/

Beautiful. Stunning. Highly original and yet reminiscent of the greats . Highly rated and watchlisted until I free up a space on my shelf.

That's because I'm Andrew L. Wilson. This novel started as a short story titled "The Odor of Sicilian Lemons."

Okamoto,

This is beautifully written. The descriptions of Venice in particular are as stunning as any I have read, and there have been plenty. But I am puzzled. I have just discovered identical excerpts from The Odor of Sicilian Lemons by Andrew L Wilson. There seems to be no web link between this and your book here but there obviously is a link. Can you explain it, please?

Margaret Woodward

Okamoto,

This is beautifully written. The descriptions of Venice in particular are as stunning as any I have read, and there have been plenty. But I am puzzled. I have just discovered identical excerpts from The Odor of Sicilian Lemons by Andrew L Wilson. There seems to be no web link between this and your book here but there obviously is a link. Can you explain it, please?

Margaret Woodward

As a newcomer I've been disappointed at the standard of writing of my first few selections but this book is at least well written. I've only sampled it but it starts well.

Dear Okamoto,
Your famous agent is an idiot. If I saw this in a bookshop I would buy it in an instant, curl up in a corner, and lose myself. As it is I'm going to have to curl up with my laptop, which is not nearly as satisfying. Nevertheless, I look forward to reading it in its entirety (and I say that about very few books here on authonomy)

Anna
Angelwings

Heck of a long first chapter, but that's just me. I hope I'm not supposed to know that the woman is a real actress, or the names of all those Italian directors, because I don't. If it's just fiction, then it confused me a little, mixed in as it was with real folk like Robert de Niro.

Having got that out of the way, I really enjoyed the writing. It has a quality to it that is slightly outside, observing, as in a film, but also manages to be immediate. I love the asides as in, for eg the 'Prego' bit with the waiter. It does always sound as if they're thinking that. Great small detail and observation. Enjoying this immensely and have it on my list to continue reading.
Cariad
STONES.

This is stunning writing, enjoying it immensely. I shall read on to the end in my leisure.

Beautifully written and spell-bounding in the beginning, after reading the pitch. The English major in me hesitated at the lack of punctuation with the dialogue, but I proceeded and was drawn into this relationship set in one of th romantic cities of the world. My best to you.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

I have read the first two chapters. When I finish, I'll provide further comment. Your prose is poetic and my first thought was how much it reminded me of Michael Ondaatje--not only in the fine manipulation of language to create mood, but also the way it moves around, giving the reader tastes of experience without over-indulging. The formatting is a bit off putting, but that is easily remedied and does not detract from the true talent in the writing itself. I wish you the best.

"Reply of the Tongue" is my effort. If you would, please take a moment and read a chapter or two. I would appreciate your thoughts.

I am pressed for time, always pressed for time. This is a book to savour and I can't do it justice without finishing it but I have to comment now and finish the extract at my leisure. For some reason I am reminded of Lawrence Durrel, in particular the Alexandria Quartet, a style verging on pathos and yet simmering with life. Amanda Crespi is everyman's dream, to lie with her in an old city, to drink with her, to pore through her history, you allow us to do that through her encounters with the writer. I went to Crete this year and I could think of no better thing to do than sit at a table with a beer in the old port town and just sink into your book. I told you I couldn't do it justice. It'll take something special to remove you from my shelf. Jack.

Okamoto,
I wanted to tell you that I find your synopsis very intriguing and my hope and expectation is to read your material very soon. With a limited amount of shelf space and the implementation of the new guidelines, you've no doubt discovered, as I have, that each decision to back a book is more challenging than ever. I do hope your work gets all the attention it deserves. Good luck and best wishes.
D. K. WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

Across the bridge of straw and fog. I loved the writing in this but I found it strange that you did not use speech marks. Were these conversations just imaginary? Apart from that I thought it very good. Backed.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
Shattered Dreams

I love the economy of your writingand it manages a tremendous atmosphere. Really admirable. Backed.
Lara
Good for Him

A picture is being painted with each succesive sentence. Not my particular genre, but elegantly descriptive. delightful. Backed

David Garland
15 Days

This is a beautifully written story, elegant, flowing and exquisitely detailed. The setting of Venice always makes for a romantic and inspiring backdrop and this kind of work, tragic yet poetic, suits it perfectly. I can see this story doing very well and I have no hesitation in backing it.

Backed with the greatest of pleasure, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

You certainly have a delightfully unique style of writing. Very good descriptive qualities and interesting dialogue. Believable characters with an easy flowing story line make this a good read. Backed Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

U write with pureness of heart. This is beautiful! Backed. Angi - if u would take a look at Forty!!Already?? I would appreciate

I love this- I love the premise of the book and I love the way you have written it. Very breezy writing- each sentence flows into the next effortlessly- very seamless. I see that you have had it posted on here since 2009... just out of curiosity... have you sent it to agents yet? Is it finished? Even though it hasn't risen to the top here (which is not really a good indicator of how 'good' a book really is), this is absolutely good enough to be published, In my opinion.

I'm backing it with pleasure.

If you get a chance, I'd love to hear what you think about mine (Princess.

Thanks!
Cori
"Princess"

Your writing is gorgeous. Imo, you're the real deal. Pleasure to set your book on my shelf.

Beautifully written, could see the piazza's, smell the rich aroma of coffee...hear Amanda's voice.

Bravo or should I say brava?

Alison Butler

Hi Okomoto, the first and very obvious problem with your book is that the dialogue does not have 'quotes' so iot is difficult tp pick put the spoken words or who is spealing. The story is good. In chapter two you have an extremely long paragraph again spoiling the written content. Break it up into intertesting sections.
I will back it for its potential.
Please respond by taking a look at my book Flawless Murder.
Kind regards
David (Euphemus)

Dear Okamoto
This was one of the lovely books I read. What a good book. I started reading this some time ago and now done. I commented and backed it but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is worth it

BEST OF LUCK
Denise
The Letter

Simple, exquisite beauty. Love the pitch, cover, the first chapter. Doesn't get any better than this. Backed with confidence.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

I love your writing style...and this book is unique on this site...it is a beautiful piece of literature (of what I've read). You make it seem effortless. Good luck and have a good night. Steven Rineer

Well, hey, that caught my attention. Scriptwriter person who falls in love with an Aussie actress... so I can kinda relate. Nice flow of words you have! Easily backed.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

Great story!

Your writing is truly enchanting - highly skilled, and flows like beautiful music - love your art!

Great visuals, make it a good potential for a movie.

A very fine work, Okamoto.

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

BACKED. I am off for the night but I am building my shelf for comments tomorrow. Cheers.

RIch, cinematic prose with some bravura touches. I think your writing is entrancing.

Hi,

I like your story and you characters, this work is very good indeed. The way you deal with sex is masterful.
Backed

Phil
Danny Murphy

This is a very different style of writing from most of us on this forum. And more advanced - literary. I admire your talent and hope this book does well. Jayne (The President's Wife is on Prozac).

I have backed your book across the bridge...

Okamoto,

The poetry of your long pitch drew me in.

And in the work proper this same poetry continues. There's an old fashioned feel to it--for some reason Brideshead Revisited comes to mind--but also a modernity in the spare narrative.

The modernity includes the way it's set, and I confess I find the speach without quotation marks of any sort (not even an European tilde) hard work. It almost, but not quite, makes me lose the rythmn.

Interesting to see later in the chapter that you do use quotation marks for reported speach.

Anyway, backed.

Gorgeous, evocative title. Alas, the pitch doesn't seem nearly as interesting. Redline: "I am worn out with desire for the woman she once was."

Very powerful. Lovely use of language. I have backed, but will keep it on my WL as a lucky charm. My congratulations to you.
Rosalind
Good for Him

I am moved but cannot think of a single thing to say!!!
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Evocative, intelligent...just a joy!
Backed with pleasure. Good Luck.
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further possible backing of your book.

Hello akamoto.
i'm sitting at my computer, sun streaming in through the rose bush,i'm thinking of romantic Venice.
why? i have just read the first chapter of your book. i wanted more .
beautifully written captures atmosphere, i can see it already made into a film.
it's written with a lot of sensitivity, its deserves its high ranking and it will go further.

now. i want to be of some help. the pitch , i suggest that you add in the first paragraph of the book---'as i stepped out of the shadows ---and--of course the last line 'she merrily smiles' what a lovely hanging line.
it will keep the reader in suspense, Tom Bye 'From Hugs to Kisses'

Hello Okamoto, The book cover is beautiful, and I went to the pitch and I would have loved something more captivating. Your book has desire in it and despair, I would like to have been left with a question or something regarding the depth of these two emotions in the pitch., The reason I say this is your pitch is the first possible read a potential reader or publisher will have of your book, it could be the difference of them picking it or putting it down. I would love your book to succeed and forgive me if I give this to you but I have to be true. loved your writing and your storyline and your characters AND BACKED by me........My book is of a different genre but that is the beauty of this site, I am not asking you to agree with my book, but if you could 'REVIEW' and 'COMMENT, and if you feel back it. I would be so happy. Again BEST OF LUCK with your book

Denise
The Letter

Looking forward to reading this. all the best, kittcatt