Barrio Chino

This is one of the best openings I've seen in a long time. Right away we've got romance, tension and betrayal, and we're keening to find out more. Fabulous work and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

This is a good story. You have good characters in Danny, Morgan and Fi. Each is unique and adds to the story. I've only been to Barcelona once so I enjoyed reading your descriptions of the architecture. Bottom line: this is a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a good story. You have good characters in Danny, Morgan and Fi. Each is unique and adds to the story. I've only been to Barcelona once so I enjoyed reading your descriptions of the architecture. Bottom line: this is a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Wow, what a great opening, an illicit affair that we're dying to find out whether it continues or not.

A robbery and the fact that she doesn't meet at the rendezvous, why not?

Full of intrigue, that I'm going to have to read more.

Happily shelved

Melxx

Hi GP< god beginning, I like the set up. There is lots of intrigue, like who is the woman, who is the main character, what is there relationship to each other? In the second chapter he seems to think she is going to met him and they will be together properly, is she leaving her husband, why didn't she turn up, the robbery is good also, frames his day perfectly. He seems to be a pretty relaxed character, wasn't too phased by the fact she didn't turn up or by the robbery, he seems to go with the flow. Anyway nice beginning, left me wondering. On my shelf. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

This is perfect literary fiction - one of my favorites reads so far! You have a real gift for this! BACKED with pleasure

Liz
The Cheech Room

I really, really liked this. It's such an interesting story and very well told! You are an accomplished writer and it shows in this. A nice, polished book. Great job and I will come back for more later!

Missy

Dear GP Morgan,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You start with the protagonist jumping ship to avoid the husband of someone with whom he just had an affair. I appreciate your active verbs, such as “the city seemed to swallow the wide street up”. I like your description of the caricature artist and his “ballooning noses”. Next he waits in the sun for his lover, money safely in his sock. Good idea having him mistake people, hoping to see her. He becomes increasingly anxious, slipping into denial. On top of it all, a wily old man takes the money in his sock.

I was worried you didn’t have enough sympathy factors, but they came in force later. Bravo! Backed, and best wishes.

Hi,

I'm putting you on my WL because your story looks interesting and I'd like to "Barrio Chino" in a week or two.

Thanks,
SC Dwinnell, "Nobody Liked to Say"

GP, your first chapter is powerful. Good start. Great mix of narrative and true-to-life dialogue.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is quite good. The urgency in the opening scene was well depicted, the opening scene truly is a great one. It tells us subtle things and yet is detailed enough to tell us what she looks like.
The next chapter is a bit different, more moving about, a slower pacing, but still engaging.
You do dialogue well. Everything smoothly rumbles along and you have my interest here.
The descriptions are not over done which I was suprised at. I thought this was going to be flowery but it really wasn't.
An interesting idea. I am enjoying it, especially the old man at the end of chapter two tricking him.
Backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Nice dialogue, well pace prose, good description and characters that jump out at you and say, BOO!

Very cool, very clear, very readable, and emminently backable.

BACKED

I think readers will warm to the story of the illusive and enigmatic Morgan, and the well-painted back streets of Barcelona. It's highly-imaginative and well-planned, with good dialogue and very evocative descriptive passages. But I have to say that it's so full of little typos, clumsy grammar, and weak constructions, even in the pitch, that it really needs a very serious edit and re-write before it could be presented to a publisher. Good luck with it. Best wishes, Tony.

GP - interesting. Couple of typos ch 2: cold beer class ->glass | juggler and but -> god only knows. I wonder when you wrote this/when is it set? 1100 for a room in a hostal wouldn't be Euros, would it? Shelved.

Hi, G.P. Well, this is kinda different. Very interesting plot. Characters are believable and colorful. Good writing, story is easy to follow as is the dialog. All in all, a rather good read. Pitch gives enough info to lure the reader in. I think it's worth backing. On my shelf. Best of luck with it, G.P.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

GP

Opening
She leapt out of bed ! can we not have her name ? say who leapt out of bed ! Is there a reason the intro is all 'he' 'she' and the characters identity not clarified...

Rob and Helen are supposed to me meeting.....'typo' be meeting...

C1
shuddered and juddered....sounded a bit poetic , I'd use just one adjective.....
No problems with C1.....Simply racy dialogue carried the story along at an even pace,,,,intersped with just the right amout of narrative.....

one thing tweeked my mind......the thousand note !! are we talking euros, is there such a thing ?

Best of luck, I enjoyed the read, you write very well... shelved.

GP,

I really enjoyed reading your opening chapters. Great start - the couple nearly getting caught in bed by the husband/boyfriend - is always going to grab a reader.. You set the scene very nicely, wihtout slowing or dragging the pace of a story - the heat, the cold beer going warm - especially good is the money in the sock, how the protagonist thinks he's a bit sharper than the average alleycat until he gets conned by the old man at the end of chapter 2 - nicely done. Impressive. Happy to put this on my shelf.

Regards

NA 'A Red Sky in Morning'

Barrio Chino

Hi GP,

In my humble opinion you should spend more time on this site promoting your work, yes, I know there are issues with it, sugar-coated praise around the place in the race for reciprocity but beyond that there are actually some damn fine writers on this site. And you are one of them sir.

What a great beginning, economical word use, an effective beginning involving dialogue which you don’t normally see at all. I noticed your influences from your favourite books. Impressive stuff and I will read on, only had time for a quick peak this morning. But come back to authonomy, if you were to read three or four books a day you would rise quickly in the charts I bet. Unless you have an agent or publisher already of course.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

Very nicely written and an enjoyable, involving plot. Well done.

Andrew

This has an interesting premiss and I have been to barcelona many times so i was interested to see if it came alive for me.
For me though, I don't particularly like the use of words such as okay or fuck in a literary fiction piece. I know these are modern accepted words but it always jars my reading unless it's in a piece of dialogue. But that is just me being picky about things.
I think the first chapter has many positives but the plot development is quite slow and could do more.
In terms of genre, i think this book is stuck in a somewhat vague place...
it is definite that you have talent and this is only my perspective. I hope you do well and wish you the best of luck.

Barrio Chino has a storyline that is powerful, and you demonstrate an ability to write well, bringing your characters and locations to life. I especially liked the images you evoked of the harbour and the city of Barcelona as background. I'll back this for its potential.
However, IMHO it needs a good editing to bring out the action and the drama of your story. Chapter 1 for example contains some pretty prose, but it doesn't really advance the plot - in terms of action it boils down to: arrived; got pissed; went to sleep. You have the skill to do much better than that! All the best.

Barrio Chino
I do like it when a story takes me to a place I've have never been. Makes me what to travel. This is a winding piece. The story winds through place as well a the peoples lives. There are a few places that need an edit though. For example- In both your first and second sentence you use the word thrust. I think you should change one. Lost of potential here. On my shelf. C.P

I skipped right to Ch 35 to read the plot summary, then delved into some other chapters. The first few chapters are very well written and your story quite impressive! The story flows well and I personally think this book needs more exposure. Therefore, it is going on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Hi there!

This is a nicely written piece. I toggled first to your chapter 35 to read the summary, then dove into a few of your first chapters. Very polished indeed, and the dialogue you write is well done - very tight. In comparison, I felt that your other paragraphs, the descriptions and back story, felt somewhat long. I might suggest that you chunk some of those longer paragraphs (and your pitch, too) into multiple paragraphs to make it easier for the reader to digest. Other than that, I have no real nits. This is really good stuff - backed!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hi,
This is a very well polished MS, and that made it even more of a pleasure to read.
Your story flows nicely, and you have some great writing on display.
This is a fine effort, and worthy of a backing. On the shelf.

Regards,

Mark H

CP
Excellent writing and so well edited, immaculate. You paint beautiful pictures with your narrative. You draw a lot of empathy for your MC as he looks for a lost love. Also like the use of Spanish to establish the setting. Well done. Good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Love the setting, love the characters and am intrigued buy the story! Great goin Gavin, I look forward to reading much more of this!
Simon

Hello GP,

You did a great job in the opening chapter building up his anxiety over his expecting meeting with her and the frustration of not getting in touch with her I like the crispy nature of chapter two and think chapter one would flow faster and smoother if tightened a little. You descriptions are vivid and Barcelona's pulse is transmitted to the reader pretty good. The plot so far promises suspense and the nature of the story makes it fast paced. Your use of Spanish now and then gives further authenticity to the story, but I suggest not using it too much. mJust now and then. Overall, this is a compelling story and one I am glad I backed.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Shelved..Great story. Excellent characters. Lots oof realistic
suspense. I enjoyed every minute of Danny's Barcelona adventures.
Wishing you lots of luck with this......Mikey (The Free)

I really enjoyed this. Although I did feel that you go a bit overboard with the local detail in the first chapter, it kept me reading and I was through chapter 3 before I knew it! Still if I had any criticism it would be cut to the chase a bit quicker, but actually I like it as it is!

I love the way you've evoked Barcelona - I've strived for a similar effect for Vienna in my novel Vienna Below, so it really resonated with me for that reason.

I will be shelving Barrio Chino.

I am your first comment. I backed your book last Sunday but just now getting around to commenting on it. Apologize for the tardiness. I read the first couple of chapters. This literary fiction reminds me of Bret Easton Ellis if it was based in Barcelona. I've been there twice.

I am wary to state you need to scale back on your paragraphs because this is literary. Instead, I would focus on those pitches. They really do not convey a sentiment of why we need to read it, more of a summary than anything else. Hope this helps.

I did back you last week. I look forward to your comments on my book if you have not done that already. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File