God Save The Village Green

Hi, BACKED! This is probably just me but with references to the Kinks(1960's) and then Punk rock (1978-83) and then Billy J Kramer (early 1960's) The Beatles (1960's), Mary Quant (1960's), Goldfinger (1960;s) and then the shadows (1959 - 66 ish), I got a bit confused as to the exact period we were in at any one time. You do give the wide time reference in your LP.
Good luck -- I enjoyed what I read. Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Hi, BACKED! This is probably just me but with references to the kinks(1960's) and then Punk rock (1978-83) and then Billy J Kramer (early 1960's) The Beatles (1960's), Mary Quant (1960's), Goldfinger (1960;s) and then the shadows (1959 - 66 ish), I got a bit confused as to the exact period. Of course he's aged -- hasn't he?
Good luck -- I enjoyed what I read. Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

Keith, your preface and first chapter read well. You seem to have an ear for dialogue. Good job. I choose not to nitpick anything in these sections.

Shelved!

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Great pitch! Dysfunctional is the word and you set the scene so well, with your vivid descriptions and unambigious narrative. Your dialogue is authentic and the story moves along at a good pace. This is actually very fresh and yet gritty and raw at the same time. Backed

SHELVED with pleasure, my friend. BACKED with pleasure!

Top read; the characters and locations really come to life, the imagery naturally appearing in the minds eye unbidden. Tightly written, engaging storyline that leads the reader along with it. I would agree with a couple of earlier crits about the PoV shift from Walter to Arnold, apart from that all was good.

Shelved!

Cheers

Stanny

This is very much a character driven book, and with such great characters, that's high praise. Bill and Phyllis are both strongly written, interesting characters, full of complexity. You evoke your setting, back in the sixties, with ease, using music, clothes, and attitudes to bring so much realism to your descriptions. The sweet, half sentimental, half lustful love affair between Bill and Phyllis is very typical of the times, and its development into a mess is sadly natural, and is excellently portrayed. The story of Arnold, and the relationship of the two sons with their father, is again a mixture, both poignant and realistic. The younger generation, Arnold and Walter, are fascinating, normal boys with a background likely to produce trauma. You convey the atmosphere of the eighties with equally evocative touches, and in addition you bring in the Irish background, stemming from the mother, deftly and naturally. A well written, enjoyable book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Keith, sorry it's taken an age to get around to reading. I thoroughly enjoyed this; realistic observations and character interaction, and natural dialogue make God Save The Village Green a first-rate read. Shelved.

Very impressed with your writing here, it feels tight and polished and reads easily without any niggling lumps and bumps. I can learn a lot from your style, as I myself often over-write.

Andrew

My favorite part of your novel is how you developed your characters. They are all such distinct individuals, and you did an excellent job showing their nature.

Something didn't flow right in the 1st chapter for me though. I couldn't put my finger on it, so I read through some of the other comments and Mike Lynch got it with, "My only critism would be that the narrative becomes a little muddled in places (mainly in the opening chapter) where the POV shifts between Arnold and Walter. I think it would work best if you chose Walter to narrate the first one (which he mainly does anyway) and then it makes the story flow better." I think I might of preferred to read more dialog between the characters.

I also like where you're going with the story and have backed!

W. J. Howard
The Courier

HI Keith. God Save The Village Green. (I am commenting having read 10 ex 18 uploaded chapters...ie: Parts One & Two). Well, as you know, our books have some uncanny parallels! London, the dysfunctional family, the gritty kitchen sink aspects...even the occasional addition of a snippet of lyrics (or two!) and a scene depicting the characters watching the Queen on TV! So, of course, I enjoyed GSTVG hugely...and feel happy to have discovered a kindred spirit as a writer. No criticism...just admiration and some observations. Great dialogue, well-rounded realistic characters, chock full of period detail that creates atmosphere perfectly and serves the story rather than providing stick-on scenery (a difficult balance I hope I've also achieved in Little Bastard). You have some truly inventive similes and some really great one-liners in here. This is edgy, entertaining, touching, dark and (occasionally) laugh-out-loud funny...just like life really! Of course Part Two (1978) is my era (writing-wise!) and the John Craven, Grange Hill Tintin, Artic Roll (etc) refs are spot on. You have given me a real dilemma here!....I only have 2 shelves available for reading/backing...so I should (by my own arcane rules!) revolve your book now I've commented on it...but I don't really want to! Here's my solution...GSTVG back on the WL and then straight back on the shelf when I've commented on the next one! Cheers Simon (Little Bastard)

sharp, vicious, merciless, surprising and fresh .

this is a great read where you genuinely don't know which way it's gonna go .

accurate unsentimental descriptions and characters doing their stuff .


i like how you let us in on lots of different perspectives, one of the ones i particularly liked was phyllis in chapter 6, you get this great sense of grief, sadness and intimacy and yet you know there's an intelligent flow to it, it's not fly on the wall stream of consciousness or whatever, it's really headed someplace .

shelved, and wishing you well with it,

freddie
("honour")

This writing is so good I felt like a fly on the wall. You aptly describe how a family functions under the twin burdens of disadvantage and loss. Shelved, Jacqui Christensen (William's Revenge)

Hi Keith

I've just read the opening chapters and boy do you know your characters. The personalities shine off the page and the dialogue is slick and well-crafted.
My only critism would be that the narrative becomes a little muddled in places (mainly in the opening chapter) where the POV shifts between Arnold and Walter. I think it would work best if you chose Walter to narrate the first one (which he mainly does anyway) and then it makes the story flow better.
That aside, there was nothing else that stood out. You are uncompromising in telling the story at the expense of your characters dignity. You don't shield them from looking foolish in our eyes, which makes them all the more likeable - a very difficult thing to do. I'm not sure where the story is going at this point, but that doesn't matter, because its entertaining enough to keep me hooked. I think you have a fantastic book here that will do very well on the site.

Definitely shelved.

Mike
(Calloway Blood)

Wow. This is bursting with life. You've got the kids
entertaining beautifully..I´m enjoying this a lot.
Congratulations and lots of luck with it...Mikey (The Free)

Keith,

I've just read your first two chapters and do wonder why you are having problems. Raw, realistic and reminiscent of the period, this is a slice-of-life piece of writing that I would have thought publishers would leap at.

Just one thing - I did get a bit confused about who was telling the story. POV is something that is becoming increasingly important in today's style of novels, and editors are quick to pick this up.

Apart from that I loved the characterisation and found the prose flowed well.

Good luck with your quest, and with you new novel.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

A super piece of observational writing. Great characterisation and some pretty gritty stuff going on. Like the dialogue too. It seems, from what we read in this sample, that life is not always greener on the other side.
Hope to read more soon.
Backed with great pleasure.
Good luck.
Tony ('If Only I Could Talk')

This isn't something I would normally read so I'm afraid I can't offer anything as far as the genre is concerned.

What I can say though is your writing is fluid and your characterisation brilliant, you capture the relationship of brothers well.

You took me to a different time and place, a culture I have never been exposed to and for that I am backing, :-)

Nicely done.

Jo xx

Spoilt

This is wonderful, couldn't stop reading! But I had to, as I have to get off to a dinner engagement!

Okay, in a medium-sized nutshell:
Near perfect dialogue. Loved every character, and found myself concerned for their welfare, every one of them. You showed the era perfectly through action instead of telling, so hats off to you. Your details are mint, so clear, so rich and textured, I felt I was in the room with them at the start of chapter one (wouldn't Arnold have liked that? haha)

Love the Kinks--great job sneaking in those lyrics--have you done this before? (hehe) You have become my mentor, and I bow to thee.

One nit: I did not think you needed to say this, though you may want to find another way: "The eight-year-old boy turned his pillow." You've done such a great job of interweaving information without the usual info dumps, and this stopped me for a second. Almost made him feel one dimensional all of a sudden. An easy fix!

Wasn't sure if that first part is a prologue? Yo may want to call it such. Or not. Depends on what you are going for.

Although I love how you break the rules like I do, you have taken a chance by switching back and forth between characters within the chapter itself. I think you did an excellent job with this, and it never bothered me for a second. But I do wonder how an editor will view it? Maybe find other books that do the same thing, look up their editors, and shop it to them.

Okay then. Off you go. And off this goes to my shelf!!!
Good luck! I sure hope you are shopping the baby around and not waiting for that elusive HC desk!
Les
"Knock'n on Wood"
p.s. Will check out your website on Sunday, my day of rest and music!!

I like this, and I like the deep seated sense of realism that pervades throughout the piece. I worry that it will attract only a narrow audience, being so deeply immersed in British culture and language, but I think that those who do understand the numerous references will very much like what they read. The character of Phyllis was a gem, and I think you have done a masterful job of bringing her to life on page. Best of luck. L.x

I agree with those review quotes: very Roach/Leigh, with a bit of Sillitoe thrown in, so the UK publishers are missing a trick by not snapping this up. For me, it was just right: the period, the language, the dreams and regrets and hopes and motivations of the characters; and the grimness of it all, driving it along on flat tyres towards its inevitable gritty destination. I loved it, and am backing it. Best wishes, Tony.

Hi Keith,

Made it to you...

Very well referenced story; realistic scenes and absolutely anchored in reality.

One thing I noticed outside the book, is that your pitch repeats the same phrasing. This appears lazy. But it doesn' t harm your book, so it is backed...

Philip (Death: The Guidebook)

Thanks a bunch for making me feel so old.....so many familiar references. I had forgotten all about Punch and Judy toothpaste....I can remember the taste now.
Seriously, this is an entertaining, gritty and beautifully written book, as accurate as a journey in a time machine.
Having an Irish/ East End upbringing, the setting would have been a problem if this book had not had an authentic voice. But I am delighted to say it passes the paddy sparrer test with flying colours,
Shelved with great pleasure, so.

Hi Keith,
I'm glad I found this - thoroughly enjoyable read from the very beginning. I am more than happy to place this upon my shelf.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Hey,
Right away i enjoyed your style and realistic, snappy dialogue. I could see any one of these conversations taking place in real life.
Your writing is clean and easily read. There is a certain charm about this story and i think anyone would enjoy it.
You are on my shelf.

Regards,

Mark H

Keith, the way your characters speak, the way they think and feel, is masterly. Shelved.Lynn

Hello Keith,

A deep and touching start to the story with Arnold and Walters in their sibling bonding talk in the night in their room. Very emotive and insightful.The dialogue and prose are well observed and the story flows smoothly. The characters are well observed , even though I would suggest more touch of vivacity in them. The pacing is fast and the descriptions are vivid. Overall, a story that has what it takes to move to the top, especially if given an extra touch. Rightly shelved.

All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

I really liked the premise of your book and love the title. First chapter was good. Gritty and convincing. Clare Stephen (Second Lives).

Hi Keith,

I finished your book and am going to shelve it based on the poignant way in which you portray the grim reality grinding your characters down, even from generation to generation. I thought your use of dialogue was superb, and you could certainly paint pictures to evoke the mood of the book. I almost got a sympathy headache at times while reading.

My major beef with the story was that the characters were almost too jaded. This was probably the point you were making, but it was sometimes hard to feel for people who did so little to improve their own lots. The same charge could be leveled against the characters in my book from the opposite pole, I suppose--they are almost too whimsically content with themselves to give their problems serious consideration.

Anyway, I loved your use of the language. Good luck with this.

Niobrara Kardnova THE TROUBLE WITH WIVES)

God Save the Village Green is a nostalgic read for anyone familiar with life in Britain in the middle of the last century. It will be a bit more of a struggle for anyone else to tune into the idiom and the environment, both of which are acutely observed and vividly described. This is skillful period writing with strong characters and a good pace, and though I'm not a particular fan of so-called 'literary fiction' this will certainly appeal to those who like their reading realistic, gritty and on the dark side of life. I'm sure this will be very well received, and I'm happy to back it.
Only one minor gripe; I felt you needed a bridge of some sort [nothing elaborate] to link the prologue and C1; perhaps it's me being dumb, but it took me a while to connect Arnold and Walter with Bill and Phyllis, and I'm still a bit confused about whether C1 is a flashback from the prologue or a linear progression. All the best.

Keith

This is very readable and tightly written. Good to see Woolworths immortalised. There is a lot of nostalgia here for people of a certain age, phillips tape recorders, lp's.

This is very clever, funny and enjoyable to read. I'm sure this will do really well, good luck with it. On the shelf.
Charlie

You really show us brothers in action - or actually Arnold being mean to his younger brother Walter. Love the line about how any self-respecting punk wouldn't listen to 'Wonderboy.' I can imagine myself using the same line at that age - although the groups would be different. I'm left wondering - what's up with the father - and then I'm assuming you jump back in time and show us - with that new band the Kinks. You do an excellent job of show us his POV - typical horny kid - and the way it all gets started. Great tone, funny at times. Shelved.

Keith
Great short pitch. How can I resist?
Now what you have here is great British drama. This is gritty, darkly comedic and astute observational writing.
From the Cola Bottle exchange to the pigeon shed, I was through the opening chapters with hardly a chance to blink. You got me! This is great stuff. And I’ll be reading more.

A few more Brit themed books on the site that you may like:
Snarl by Pat Black
Uneasy Rider by Allie Sommerville
Leeds by Lord Dunno
Miracle Boy by Mike Reilly

Let me know what you think!

You have my support and best wishes
David
Green Ore

God save - Cullen

Not bad. Backed. You better finish it.

Regards
Ann

I have backed and now to comments. This isn't something I would usually read, but you have a rare talent for dragging even those of us with our heads in la-la land into the tale! Well done- I'd say your work will appeal to a broader readership than your genre initially let's on...damn, that's terrible grammar. Hope you get what I'm trying to say!

Solid writing, gritty and real. And sincere- that definitely shines through.

All the best further
Elaina

Keith this is certainly a gritty tale that pulls no punches. You have set the scene very well, the period and vernacular are acutely observed. At first I found the almost staccato prose a little difficult and the dialogue, although believable perhaps a tad overdone at times. But it does what it says on the tin and is a wonderful bit of original work and evokes the period very, very well. Will be on my shelf for a bit.
William

Hi Keith,

You've got a genuine story to tell--very descriptive as well. I can see myself in Walter's and Arnold's bedroom. Due to being an American, I'm slow to reading it because of the lingo, but that's my fault and should have no bearing on your writing style. I'd like to add another suggestion (and this may be my ineptitude as a reader), but I feel you need to add who's saying what a little more often before or after the dialogue line to make it easier for the reader to follow--at least in the first chapter. Once the reader is introduced to the main characters, they'll be able to pick up on which character is saying what.

What you have done successfully is establish genuine dialogue between Walter and Arnold-that's no easy task. I believe genuine dialogue is key to making the characters real in the readers mind. You've brilliantly defined Walter's and Arnold's personalities and their relationship with one another--one of typical taunting between brothers. Well done.

Backed,
Janine

Hi Keith

This is real writing - polished, powerful and acutely observed. Defiintely Shelved

Anthony
('Houses of Sand')

Hi keith

This is real writing - polished, powerful and acutely observed. Defiintely Shelved

Anthony
('Houses of Sand')

It's probably more of a comment about me, but it's the first time I've guffawed out loud reading a book on Authonomy ('I haven't cleaned my teeth'). But that was just a start. After Ch. 1 , I switched to 7 for the hell of it. The same combination of earthy wit and humanity is there as well. Tremendous writing. Backed.

Hi Keith I really enjoyed this. I think your writing is really good, you have excellent descriptions and your dialogue is natural. The scene in the bedroom between the two boys, 1 up 1 down in bunk beds was great. It made me smile as it reminded me of myself and my sister when we were younger. The imagery was great and well described, his upside down head peering through the wooden bars. Brilliant! And you described so well how Arnold teased Walter with his sweets. You also created some questions which make the reader want to continue, why is the father Arnolds and not Walters? Its a great opening and I enjoyed your easy style. On my shelf.
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

HI Keith - got through the first chapter and loved it. Rushed for time but had to finish the chapter. Very easy reading. Shelved. B

Hi Keith

I've read the first few chapters so far, and this comes across to me as a straight-talking window on life in the 60/80s. You quickly introduce the main characters - the dialogue is snappy and believable, showing the characters personalities and motivations through their speech and actions/reactions. The teenage infactuation of Bill in Phyllis is vivid and through their conversations you show some of the social issues of the time - Bill's line 'what's wrong with being a housewife?' and Phyllis response is telling.

I particularly like the way you give the reader a strong sense of place and time by showing rather than telling - the Woolworths bag, the Superman poster, Barking Station nearby Bill's house, the Rescuers blanket, Melody Maker, red suits (!).

Not my usual genre, but deserves a spin on my shelf :-)

Best wishes
Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

I read ch 1.

I'll admit right off the bat I was distracted by the 'local' words, for lack of a better term. But that's my own issue, being a Texas boy born and raised. But I did enjoy your textured imagery immensely. I could see the bedroom, smell the dirty laundry, and scrape the coins stuck in the dried spilled Coke off the dresser top. Dialogue was snappy and definitely unusual.

I'll go along with your more learned fans below and push this one along in the right direction.

Your pitch says it all! Nice, gritty, down to earth and true to life writing and the moments of nostalgia never feel cloying or overdown, they're just weaved into the story. Backed and best of luck.

Keith
Notes on GStVG
Let's hope there's lots of Punk to this.
Just popped on some Descendents in honor - no Damned in my collection at the moment.
Hmm, semi-soft? Wouldn't it have been mostly not soft by that point in the conversation? heh.
at the end but wondering what is here to motivate me to turn on to the next chapter. No outstanding questions of note?
I mean I really dig these characters/kids and their candy/spit/tit/tune talk but not sure this has enough pageturner about it?
Mm, really could go for an egg sandwich like that right now.
and poor ole Arnold.
Buncha lovelies here...wow, I guess its sort of what I expected but...
Some great characters throughout.
Best of luck.
-=Bradley

HIya

I've finally managed to upload more chapters of my book, (text issue, I won't bore you) If anyone is looking to read more please note that the new chapters start at chapter five (not six) I've merged the prologue with chapter one, in order to work this thing out, bear with me (Shure I'm only a thick Paddy) hope you like it, I'll upload more when I get a chance.


thanks

keith

A depressing but realistic slice of dysfunctional life in Barking. Could be Essex’s answer to ‘Trainspotting’. Well done.

Hi All

Another round of thank you's to all of you fr helping get my book to the top of the weekly charts. I'm supposed to be down the coffee shop writing right now, but I'm sending e mails to agents and thinking of ways to flog my book. soooo, if anyone is interested in buying a hard copy for a one off celebratory price of £4.99 they can do from my website www.setantarecords,com/villagegreen Hope this doesn't seem like shameless cash in marketing... It is! thanks again.

keith

God Save the Village Green

Hi Keith

I love this stuff, gritty real, I can hear those sweets, see that bedroom. Great characters jump fully formed off the page, the place and the time is strongly invoked and yet it is subtly done. A clipped, professional tone, the narrator is not there, we experience story with no intrusions or interruptions. Backed from the first line, a brilliant piece of real-life drama, would it not work well as a play as well? Best of luck Keith, would welcome yours views and thoughts on my book.

Best wishes

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)