Book Jacket

 

rank 5468
word count 33886
date submitted 17.09.2009
date updated 01.02.2010
genres: Science Fiction, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

The Grailers of Omicron

James McDermott

Vast, unsailed grasslands and 100 mph winds make Omicron a beacon for young, thrill-seeking grailers but Omicron's other treasures put them in mortal danger.

 

It’s the 22nd century and humankind has begun colonizing an ever-expanding and increasingly fragmented galactic sphere. Along with colonists, miners, and planet terraformers, come sports enthusiasts—the most extreme of which are “grailers.”

The sport of grass sailing, or “grailing” as it is known, is a form of windsurfing performed on grass rather than water and takes place on some of the windiest and most inhospitable planets in the known galaxy. The sport requires strength, courage, and lightning-quick reflexes, as the grailers sail in gusty, gale-force winds where one mistake can prove career-ending or even fatal. Young and idealistic, grailers in many ways resemble the “Endless Summer” surfers of the 1960s.

A championship race unites old friends as the grailing elite, journeymen, and groupies trek to the wild and windy Omicron—the legendary and reputed home of grailing—to compete in the sport’s premier event. Murders and sabotage follow, and the only thing standing between survival and disaster is a disillusioned and often passed-over cop and a young grailer who is more interested in pining over a lost love than saving the world.

 
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tags

action, friendship, heroism, love lost, sci-fi

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110 comments

 

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Owen Quinn wrote 702 days ago

Great imagination that takes a sport that is given a clever scifi twist and expanded on. Your writing is excellent, visuals, dialogue, characters all woven together to form an extremely interesting story.

SusieGulick wrote 705 days ago

Dear James, I love your word, "grailers" - what a wonderful word! - what an imagination you have! :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Becca wrote 746 days ago

I am the furthest thing from your target audience, so I can't really make any judgments based on content. However, your grammar and punctuation are in order. You keep a fast pace the dialogue is natural. Good luck with this.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

CraigD wrote 755 days ago

Have you read Silver Surfer comics? I actually haven't, but it occurs to me that one of your challenges will be making your premise completely distinct from the Marvel Comic. The writing here is strong, particularly the dialog, which sounds authentic to me as a non-wind-sailer. I think this is well worth backing.
Please consider looking at my book, The Job.
CraigD

Eileen Schuh wrote 770 days ago

THE GRAILERS OF OMICROM

John, I had trouble converting your words into mental images. What am I supposed to be imagining when you say "a dim but revealing light.."?

Long shadows darted and raced..." Can't they simply dart?

"...[the plains] quivered and shook in the throes of some unseen force..." I'm imagining an earthquake but then nothing else happens in this regard.

Dawn on Omicron is a sudden, powerful affair. (I think this tense for your opening sentence delivers more punch.)

"...in full battle dress..." I have no idea what I should be picturing in my mind. I don't know what a "com-unit" looks like or what a "rig" may be or do.

I'm lost...

Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

Colin Normanshaw wrote 770 days ago

This is not really my genre, but you have a great idea here and deliver it well. Good pace and dialogue combines with superb scene descriptions. I cannot think of any suggested improvements. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Andrew Burans wrote 777 days ago

Hi James,

A well thought-out novel that sucks you in right from the beginning. Excellent use of imagery and dialogue. You must have a bit of a sports background - it shows in your writing. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Famlavan wrote 786 days ago


The Grailers of Omicron

Gosh! This starts quickly. Your writing style and dialogue start this off at one hundred miles (or even more Kilometres depending where you are) an hour.
Even though I know this is sci-fi it has such a ring about it you can believe this really is a sport, which to me is very clever and brilliant writing. Great characters, great narrative, great book – Good luck

sjbal wrote 788 days ago

Hi James,
This is a truley unique peice of work. The premise is very well thought out and the writting is perfectly suited to it. I will be back to read more soon, but placing on my shelf for now.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

Burgio wrote 789 days ago

I like both sports books and books about the future - so this pitch popped out at me. It combines both. Your writing style is good for this type of book: it keeps things moving forward at a good pace. And makes a reader feel as if he's in on the groundfloor of a new sport. Good going. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

lizjrnm wrote 797 days ago

I really love this- you have a wonderful imagination and a gift for getting it down in words! My 15 year old is hanging over my shoulder reading along with me and he says and I quote "You rule!" Having raised five boys who are avid skaters and surfers and insane gamers I can tell this will be a huge hit with the teen population and younge adult population! Like Earth boarding only much cooler and faster my son just added! BACKED with pleasure!

Liz
The Cheech Room

A Knight wrote 798 days ago

Fantastic! A really imagininitive piece that had my attention from the very start. I was drawn right into the story and the world you have created, and i shall definitely be back for more.

i do have one tiny nit-pick, and that's that you occasionally repeat words within a paragraph such as "native colonists of Earth's oldest colony" the repetition is a little jarring. perhaps "natives of Earth's oldest colony" would work.

Other than that, this is a masterful piece that I've backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken. "

Dawn DeRemer wrote 803 days ago

What an imaginative gem you've created and I think it's going to be a hit with young people, like the game of Quidditch did for Harry Potter. Your book has lots of elements; easy to identify with characters, a fantastic, futuristic sport, alien setting and of course, danger.
If I were to make any suggestion it would be that I like all the information you give, the way you create this world and it's own little universe, but try to remember that readers need a balance of information flow, character development, activity and dialogue. If you go off in any one direction for too long a time it's disruptive to what the reader was experiencing. Pacing is the key...fitting all those elements together in a single weave to make a page turner. You've got all the elements and it all fits together seamlessly in YOUR head, because you KNOW how it's supposed to be, but your reader is making discoveries and needs all those elements to form a consistent flow so he stays excited about reading. Have you ever read a book you really liked, but then you came to parts that you would just skim because it was too uninteresting or disruptive so you scan it to get back into the flow. That was a poorly paced book.
Best of Luck, I think you have something special
Dawn De Remer

jahek wrote 808 days ago

You write really well and obviously knowledgably about a sport I know nothing about. Very atmospheric. BACKED

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

CarolinaAl wrote 809 days ago

Great premise. Exceptional writing. Jason is likable. Your descriptions are stunning as well as evocative. Your dialogue is lively. Your slick narrative informs without slowing your story. Your world-building is convincing. This is a winner. Backed.

Pia wrote 809 days ago

James,

The Grailers of Omicron - I used to ski, and recently was riveted by kitesurfing on the Spanish coast, watching from a balcony. So I can relate to this challenging sport, and your passion makes the story vivid and engaging.

Transporting the sport into the future, on a windswept planet, is a brilliant idea ... the air pressure gave the grasswalls substance and form, and if skilled enough, you could carve turns on their faces, launch off their lips, and get flattened if you made mistakes ... the grassland became an ocean of mountainous swells and deep troughs, a severe testing ground ... even with the advent of automated crashsuits, the grass could still destroy a rig, a career, or even life ...

Just a few thoughts - I like to identify with a MC and missed the name in the pitch. Toady reads too much like today. Same with Jason and Josh, they're too close in sound. Could be just me.
I'm happy to support this, been on my shelf since yesterday.
Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Raymond Nickford wrote 811 days ago

The Grailers of Omicron:

James,


The opening setting of the plain is vivid and evocative as Jason sets off.
Dialogue is one of your greatest strengths and the very individual dialect of Toady makes him really distinct and memorable in relation to the other characters.
Blain and The Stream provide question marks over the plot and so hook the reader.
The 'Savage places...' create a sense of awe while the grailing sport is intriguing and, when combibed with the very individual premise as promised in your synopsis, I want to read on to see how survival is possible. Backed, with pleasure.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

Francesco wrote 811 days ago

I could think of no better way to thank you, than to have a read of your work and back it if it deserved it...and boy, does it deserve it!!!
Backed!
Frank.

RichardBard wrote 815 days ago

It’s very cool that you bring your experience of kite-surfing into THE GRAILERS OF OMICRON. The strength of your writing shows in your action descriptions. I love how we’re thrown directly into the action. Your writing also shines in your dialog. I enjoyed the interplay between the characters. It all sounded hip.

You’ve done a nice job of providing plenty of detail about Omicron, but it’s always best to reveal that through a character’s eyes rather than through narrative. That will pull the reader further into the story.

I think you’ve got a terrific start here. It will have a strong appeal to your YA audience. Congratulations. Backed.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

MarkRTrost wrote 816 days ago

I read chapter 1 & 11

Btw, something happened to your font on chapter 11. I like the characters. I haven’t read enough to discuss plot. (There isn’t time.)

I think you need to step back and take a deep breath and then come back to your work. There are really great things in your text. But there is a lot of superfluous information. The difficulty with sci-fi is that the writer is creating a world that doesn’t exist. And a reader has to suspend his disbelief to enjoy the journey. I get all that. But when there’s too much exposition (look at chapter 11) a reader has to suspend the pace and take out a map to follow along. It kills the pace and the enjoyment. I think you need to assess which information is necessary and excise all that is not. It will only improve your work. You’ve got such a great skeleton here. But the fiction is just a little too fat. You just need to body sculpt. Tweak. That’s all.

Go get your scissors.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Melcom wrote 817 days ago

I backed your book 12 days ago!!

udasmaan wrote 818 days ago

It is a fascinating read. a slight suggetion though. if i were i would have started the chapter from paragraph two. my thoght. apart from that just fun to read. backed

shah

SRFire wrote 819 days ago

This is a very cool sci-fi with the imagination of other worlds and the action of surfers. Backed with pleasure, Sana

udasmaan wrote 821 days ago

backed wih pleasure.

shah

MrsCogan wrote 821 days ago

I like the way you build your world by letting the reader experience through the characters. I'd cut the 2 paragraphs that begin "Similar in many ways" and "Jason skimmed the surface" we don't need the explanation because we are seeing it happen in front of us. But that's just me. Nice job!

writerwithacause wrote 821 days ago

Hello James,
This is a creative book that shows your vivid imagination. Backed. Lisa

LawsonBlacklock wrote 821 days ago

I like your idea and I think you must have a great imagination, for the world of Omicron has been so thoroughly thought out (even down to the history of the planet). I like the idea of a planet where summer surfers go to 'grail'... something very lonely planet meets point break about the whole thing.

But I will be honest in saying that I found your writing at times to be a little too 'tell' and not enough 'show'. I hate using this phrase, and its a crime I'm guilty of myself, but at times during your MS I found my mind wandering because there was simply not enough action to sustain my interest. Now, your genre is not one I read often so take this criticism with a pinch of salt- I may be talking absolute rubbish. But I think with such a wild idea and whimsical characters you really could inject this tale with some fire and turn it from something merely good into something fantastic. All in all this was enjoyed. All the best. L.x

Suzannah Burke wrote 822 days ago

James as promised I'm here for a read, this is outside my normal comfort zone...however I always take a look at anything with a damned good pitch..this has that right up front.

The writing is almost flawless...yet not so much so that depth and humor are forsaken-- this has both. The dialogue is wonderful and The characterizations are honest-- without fluff or primping..gut level this is a damned good read and I have no hesitation in backing it.

Shelved
Suzannah Burke

George Fripley wrote 824 days ago

I have enjoyed what I have read of this. It keeps up a good pace and draws the reader along for the ride. Backed.

George Fripley
(Wurzel of Clutton)

zan wrote 824 days ago

The Grailers of Omicron
James McDermott

James,

I read your pitches and first chapter. Your short pitch caught my attention – “Vast, unsailed grasslands and 100 mph winds make Omicron a beacon for young, thrill-seeking grailers but Omicron's other treasures put them in mortal danger” because I was keen to see how these young grailers got on in 100 mph winds. I’ve been indoors in hurricane-force winds with a minimum of 75 mph, heard their devilish howls, seen the ravaging results – shattered houses, fallen trees, power lines and so on, so this fact in your short pitch piqued my curiosity. I think the details of your long pitch are interesting - 22nd century humankind colonizing an ever-expanding and increasingly fragmented galactic sphere in which the "come sports" enthusiasts compete - the most extreme of which are “grailers.” This is exciting although I think they are not grass sailing in merely gale-force winds – it is hurricane-force winds but I like the analogy of the endless summer surfers of the 1960’s. I live on an island with over three hundres beaches so the endless summer surfers still exist in my world. This is so creative – for plot development, I think the idea of the grailing elite and the groupies et al trekking to windy Omicron where during the sporting event murders and so on occur is a good way to move the story ahead and build suspense. Reminds me of the murder occurring during the Rolling Stones performance of Gimme Shelter, I think in 1969 or 1970 – people having a good time oblivious to everything else – so, others become easy target. I want to see how this plays out during the sporting event in Omicron. In chapter one I like how you paint the dawn in Omicron. Very imaginative. A strong breeze builds to a gusty fifty miles per hour. No wonder Jason Singer, the visitor, is having difficulty adjusting. I would too. The millions of snakes oozing beneath the surface of the grass gave me shivers. I like how you paint and develop this alternative futuristic world. From a fictional viewpoint, it is believable and I think it all works well within your storyline. “Head, helmet, what the diff?” said Toady. (I think it should be “asked” Toady (?)). Anyway, the point of citing this quotation is that I think your dialogue is cool and there are also some nice descriptive passsages. I enjoyed this first chapter and will come back to read some more when time permits.

Best wishes for success James.
Zan

AnnabelleP wrote 826 days ago

I do like your premise - a great idea. Love the thought of grailers and you describe it really well, I can see people doing it.

When actually reading, the thing that stood out to me the most was your dialogue - I found it really well done. It sort of carries the story along for me.

This is well written, I'd say a really good read for your target audience because it has plenty of action, and to me, seems hip and cool, just the sort of thing they'd like.

I'm happy to back this and wish you luck with it.

Bests,

AP
(The Awesome Adventures of Matty McDuff)

Marko wrote 826 days ago

Fascinating idea, James. Takes Ray Bradbury's land-ships to another dimension.

Actually, your writing style is strongly reminiscent of the Master, which is the highest compliment I can pay you.

Full of admiration for your mastery of the techical details of grailing, by the way. Backed.

Marko

lionel25 wrote 827 days ago

James, your dialogue and narrative in this first chapter bring a sense of realism to your work. I can't fault anything in this chapter.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Melcom wrote 830 days ago

Don't usually get excited about sci-fi ( I detest it actually) but somhow find this book different to the norm. Loved the dialogue throughout but found the descriptive prose helped the story along, tends to do the opposite in other books.

Great concept that I wish you every success with.

Happily shelved

Melxx
UNICORN
(crime/thriller)

John Adamson wrote 831 days ago

James
This is not my type of read but, my son loves it and as it's his computer, he's always looking on the site to see whats about anyway, he told me to tell you the plot is great and as a sci-fi fan, your book flows at a nice pace and your very discriptive and well written. I must say I agre with him. It's a pleasure your on my shelf,

John-- Foxley Manor

John Adamson wrote 831 days ago

James
This is not my type of read but, my son loves it and as it's his computer, he's always looking on the site to see whats about anyway, he told me to tell you the plot is great and as a sci-fi fan, your book flows at a nice pace and your very discriptive and well written. I must say I agre with him. It's a pleasure your on my shelf,

John-- Foxley Manor

hkraak wrote 832 days ago

Great concept. Well-written. . And a new sport is born (well, at least on Omicron). The YA crowd (and adults) will love this

HJ
The Pearl Edda

JupiterGirl wrote 832 days ago

James, A very refreshing read with a unique and engaging subject matter. Excellent visual descriptions and scene setting. Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Paige Pendleton wrote 832 days ago

I am a little bit out of my comfort zone commenting on sci-fi, but a few things were immediately apparent. This is well written. You use everything in the arsenal with confidence and shape a fine story - characters, visuals, pace, creativity, dialogue, character interaction.

I have a must meet with fantasy - is the author able to sell me the fantasy. Yep - you sure did. I think this will appeal to a broad audience.

jtgradishar wrote 835 days ago

This really looks like it's going to shape up to be something. I love sci-fi, and I love when there is more to sci-fi than just the sci-fi. This fits the bill.

Plus your writing is quite good. It looks like you have a great idea and an exhilirating story to go with it. Add some good prose and this thing's worth putting on the shelf.

Nicely done, sir!

S.D. Gillen wrote 837 days ago

Wow! What a neat sport! I wish we could do that here. Grailing. I like it. I think this would do well with young adults. The sci-fi puts a neat twist to this story. You have neat characters. You have interesting twists. I liked the snakes. It made me squirm.
Neat story.

SD Gillen

Callaghan Grant wrote 838 days ago

This is quite good, James. Dialogue is credible with a fast pace and interesting jargon. Narrative is smooth and vivid and, what I like best about it is that you marry the story to the physics of the world. I can see the pressure waves in the grass and I can feel the flying machine and how it reacts to the riders because you have built a world of very credible physicality. Couple all of that with a plot with which we can all identify and you have a great story that I can just see (or hope to one day) on the big silver screen.

Loving regards, Callaghan

R.C. Lewis wrote 841 days ago

This is a very cool concept – something I think a lot of teens could get into. Your descriptions of the planet and of grailing itself are nicely done, giving me a full visual. The writing is clean and smooth, allowing me to move through it easily.

Some minor notes: The pitch leaves something to be desired, I think. Most of the long pitch is spent explaining the set-up and grailing, and it’s only in the third paragraph that I really got interested. (Also, typo in the short pitch – should be “put”)

Having both a Jason and a Josh from the start is potentially confusing. Also, the paragraphs while Jason is grailing seem a bit long. Breaking them up a little might increase the tension and feeling of excitement even more – particularly if you really want to target the Young Adult audience. (My students are the first to admit they skip or skim long paragraphs.)

Those are all little things, and the story has caught my interest. Backed, and good luck!

R.C. Lewis (Fingerprints)

David Fearnhead wrote 852 days ago

Great imagination. You manage to evoke the spirit of those early days when surfing was a way of life and a surfer was a personality trait. Grailing sounds like it may catch on;)
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

galencharles wrote 860 days ago

Snakes and 70 mph winds and wind surfing across the grassy plains on an alien planet. This is Ride the Wild Surf meets Star Trek. You bring Omicron to life vividly. While I’m not a sci-fi fan, I appreciate what it takes to create an imaginary world in such Technicolor prose. Backed.
Galen
The Psalter

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 862 days ago

James,
Grailers is an update of the old surfing or skiing dramas set on the futuristic planet Omicron. I liked this. Interesting concept and a personalized way to read science fiction, as the new world is seen through the eyes of a host of dramatic characters we can relate to on our own terms. The way the planet got its name and the threat of snakes beneath the grass show that the details you present will be enticing but not overblown. A nice, natural feel to the story. Well done. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

KevRogers wrote 862 days ago

Like a cross between Outland(Sean Connery on a mining moon in the future) and the surfing movie with Kwanu Reeves and PAtrick Swayze(RIP) pointbreak. This reads like a trialer for a hollywood blockbuster - god idea and exciting. SF is not my first choice(although I do like it in films and tv shows) as I find my bog standard imagination gets turned off if the ideas are too outragious - thankfully your story is not one of these - the real elements of surfing bring it into some sort of believable reality.

Backed

Kev

Lorri wrote 863 days ago

Different!

:)

Lorrii

LN wrote 870 days ago

Hello James,

Such a unique subject.
I am sure given the right 'direction' this could book could get published very soon. Excellent descriptions and beautiful prose.

Backed

Lalit Navani ( Femme Fatale )

Paul Freeman wrote 872 days ago

Extreme sports for the future. Nice idea.
Paul.

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