Going Down in Flames

TD--I am a huge fan of vampire stories and your story did not disappoint. It is well written with a bit of charm—twinkling-- humor and I think you made some great choices in the storytelling. Great imagery and a compelling plot-- I felt I was right in the midst of the tale and thoroughly enjoyed your story.
Best wishes
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I read your excellent pitch and in spite of my not being a vampire girl ..thought I would give it a read.
Wow....This book sizzles with EVERYTHING: pace ,drama, tension, conflict...its like a great thumping drum beating out a rhythm through the prose. You have my backing for all the right reasons and for other not so literary ones....RED HOT!!
Dawn : ARK

Weird. Definitely adult vampire stuff. My friend would say this is damn sexy and devour the book.

Backed.

Neliza Drew

I've read quite a few vampire novels, but have avoided them since the Twilight epidemic. However, this stays away from the cliche of 'everyone must shag the vamp' and I like it. It's well written, fresh and flows very well.

Dear T D, Flames is the right word: the story is sizzling, the prose incandescent, the relationship between Jack and Baby blazing. Indeed, you generate enough heat to seamlessly weld crime and thriller with horror, and enough light to illuminate not only the criminal and vampire underworlds but the darkness inside a serial killer’s mind.

Hellishly good, and certainly destined to be going down in the ratings (a good thing here) till it gets to the editor’s desk. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Hi TD!

What a great start to a thriller novel! Gripping premise, and your pitch is very well done. Your characters and plotline inside doesn't disappoint - I can see this appealing to a wide audience! Great stuff - on my shelf!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hi TD, suitably vampiresque - and you certainly have a powerful voice and adept use of words. This is quite rivetting, although I did find it slightly difficult to get a hang of who was doing what to whom, bit overwhelming with all those different names/character references in the first chapter or so. But this is certainly intriguing, and I guess if I'd read books one and two, I'd get a better feel for the series and concept. However, gritty, sexy writing, so backed, no problem.

Going down in Flames

Except for books on this site I have never read a vampire story. So I have little to compare this with. Even so you can write and that opening scene with Noah and his delusions was quite riveting. Then there was the bedroom scene......I can only conclude that vampire books are rather hot. On my shelf C.P

Hi TD this is great, at first I didn't understand why Jack had a vampire girlfriend as he seemed like the type of character that could hold a story on his own without supernatural help so I wasnt sure that it worked. The I got further down the chapter and started to get to know Baby and then you introduced the hunters and I began to get swept away in the whole thing. You have a nice style, there were one or two sentences where I think you were missing little words but nothing an edit won't fix. I like the intrigue, you've built a fascinating world of characters and the Remy, Jack, Baby story seems to be leading to something interesting also. You have a lot going on and its all working nicely together. I'm backing this as I really enjoyed it. Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Very visceral writing, it really pulls the words off the page and creates the scene right there in my mind. Obviously you have had success with the first two books, so it is no surprise that this one is as polished as it is. You did a good job of introducing the characters that would have been in the previous books too, without overdoing it and boring readers following the series. Pretty much crit free, except for the cell phone being picked up before it rings, from the readers perspective. That and when they rescue Analise, Jack swears, then a few moments later refrains from swearing... I don't know if he should swear at all if he doesn't want to do it in front of Analise?
In any case, fabulous writing, and a great twist on the usual crime-thriller.

Andrew

BACKING because Jane Alexander did and I trust her instincts. She's rather brilliant at finding good reads. Those pitches look perfect as well. Think you can make it to the Ed's desk.

Do look forward to your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Hi there....saw this on someone's shelf and was intrigued (great cover). Always tough trying to evaluate a book when it's not the first in the series. I feel as though I'm missing vital background. But, having said that, you can clearly write a storm and the concept here is interesting (even in a vampire-heavy marketplace). Nice clean characterisation, good dialogue, and cool sexy humans and vampires. What's not to like?
Happy to spin it on my shelf
Jane
(Walker)

Hi TD,

This book found it's way on my watchlist somewhere along the way. I had a chance to check it out this morning. I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful.

Chapter One

~ "CHapter 1" - minor niggle, I know, but you have the h capitalized

~ "He slammed his hand over his cell" - not sure, but I almost wanted to hear it ring before he did this. But the reason for his action is explained in the next sentence, so... like I said, not sure. If anyone else flags this, then maybe rework a bit - otherwise, feel free to ignore.

~ "Jack couldn't promise to find her and bring her home, not when he knew it might very well be impossible." - already mentioned something very similar when he was on the phone with Remy, so this sounded redundant

~ By the way, you had me at "the Bentley, the mansion, and the unlimited credit card. Combined." but now that there's a child in jeopardy, I'm doubly hooked.

~ I like the concept of the Hunters and the Pride - nice unique touch.

Chapter Two

~ Ooh, Jack and Baby are linked? I really like that idea.

~ I got a bit teary-eyed at the reunion

~ "The prep had... used them." - should be "perp"

~ I like how we're finding out about the discovery after the fact, through Jack telling Remy and Margaret - at first, I felt a tiny bit cheated, but it flows much better this way.

~ Oh, and thank you for not leaving the little one in danger for too long (or have her rescued in the not-uploaded Chapter Three)

~ Oops - Chapter Three is here, but is part of Authonomy Chapter Two - never mind.

Chapter Three

~ Alphabet of the Magi? Hadn't heard of it before - I'll have to look this up. Very cool.

~ Excellent chemistry between Jack and Baby - very believable, and very hot.

~ LOL! So, kidus-interruptus doesn't stop when they get older, eh?

~ I don't like the note this chapter ended on - I mean, as a writer it's a great hook, but somehow I get the feeling that Jack's going to get the guilts if this ends up being the last time he sees her. Nice foreshadowing with the bruise - I'm guessing this is going to show up in the story later as well.

Excellent stuff - I don't feel like I'm being dropped in the middle of a series (you mention that this is #3), but I can see how I'd want to follow these characters for more than one book. Shelved!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Going Down in Flames has a great Prologue - full of menace and placing me right inside the mind of a predator. You continue in similar vein, evoking the characters of Jack 'Baby' and Remy vividly within a nice balance of narrative and dialogue. Your writing is precise and full of emotions that you show the reader ably. Backed with no nitpicks.

This is well done. The prologue is gripping. The abduction of the girl, the creeps infatuation with purity and filling her with his seed. I enjoy Baby's and Jack's relationship, how she lets him dominate her, though she certainly could turn the tables on him any minute. I wasn't expecting Johanna to walk in on them, that was a true-to-life touch that made me laugh. Thoroughly entertaining.

This is so inventive. And not only the ideas - even new words, to me at least eg. 'hellaciously'. In the pitch, I couldn't quite make sense of the para. beginning 'He'll need...'. A redhaired vampire girlfriend, eh. I just have to back this book.

Dark and absorbing as well as spooky - backed - Kev(Catherine Wheel Alley)

this grips you from the start

masterful evocation of the creepy thoughts of someone whose hatred of "sluts" defines them, gives them away . .

i loved in new orleans as a kid so always good to read about the place - even if there is an ominous feel to a lot of your writing.

this is enjoyable, tightly written, intelligent and gripping.

shelved, and wishing you well with it.

freddie
("honour")

Just wanted to let you all know that I may be slow answering requests the next few days - I'm attending a conference on youth violence and have limited internet. Will get to read swaps as soon as it all calms down. Will try to do some as I have time.

TD...sweet mercy! You have got it going all kinds of on! Absolutely engrossing, in dances the line of erotica without being unnecessarily graphic. I love all of the nuances, the world is very vivid. I didn't feel like I was reading the third in a series at all. I felt very at home, very welcome as a reader.

I couldn't find a blasted thing, not even a nit to pick.

Shelved for certain.

Geoffrey

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Great characters, Jack is my favourite. We can see from your pitch a sort of sneak preview of what will happen in the immediate future and it promises to be as much of a ride as the excerpt you have on here.

Great stuff.

Shelved

Rayo

Fabulous stuff TD! A real potent mix of crime and horror! I loved it and am gonna go check out the others on Amazon now!
Simon (BLACK SHADOWS)

Did you say this is already published? it's great! The opening is sinister, then there's the eroticism of the vampire sex. I love the irony that she's called Baby but is so dominant and dangerous. Jack is a likeable main character and the mixture of the normal and supernatural in the book is done extremely well, pulling me in and making me want to read on.
Backed
Elinor
In it for the Holidays

This one isn't published. LOL - it isn't even finished yet. But the first 2 in the series are in print.

When I looked at this, I definitely needed to check out Books I and 2. I think I missed a great deal and need to catch up. You really pulled me in with this, and it gets a well-deserved spot on my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

TD
As I first looked at this I was intrigued by your unique slant on our fanged friends. I was initially a tad disappointed that this is book three and not book one, but hey, a good writer will be able to bring a reader into the story at any stage.
And even within the first paragraph you got me: an appreciative nod of the head and you have yourself another reader. It is evident very early on that you know exactly what you are doing. I will guess that you have already published the first books in this series…?
Noah makes a very interesting anti-hero/antagonist in the prologue. I like him (if ‘like’ is the right word).
The exploits of Ch1 also give an interesting insight into our protagonist. As with Noah, I’m not sure whether I should like this guy or not. This is very clever characterisation. You keep me surprised, guessing and wanting more.
Well, I’m off to read Ch2-3 but just thought I’d pop by with some comments as promised.
Already on the shelf with my best wishes.
Good luck with the series.
David
Green Ore
PS Do you actually know real vampires?

Love the line - best thing about having a vampire girlfriend - and then you show us exactly what you mean. You have enough conflict in here to keep me reading and wanting more. Well written. Nice pace, dialogue, characters - enjoyed it. Shelved.

You really have a way of making vampire lovable, don’t you? I like stories about vampires and werewolves and yours is refreshingly different. This is a very enjoyable read well written, and the read seemed to take no time. I will back this with pleasure.

Tony

TDK

I read it all, the whole lot, didn't mean to but I was hooked...

Made a few notes as I went...

Prologue
Paragraph 1. & 2 .....shook his head in disgust......shook his head disgusted......both used, did you mean this ?
Paragraph 3.....rotting within,,,,, sickness within......'inside' perhaps for one.

Chapter 1
When Rem called......tight pain appearing.......'appearing' is visual to me, not meaningful as in how he felt....
his chest contracted with anxiety.....or something along those lines ????? my view only.

Chapter 2
Am guessing Analise is about 7 years old, not sure if it's relevant to your story later, but I didn't pick up her age from the narration, ignore me it it doesn't matter ......

Back to Noah..... I felt like this took a million years...I wanted to get back to Noah from the minute we left him....But that's what you want, right ?

'wards' written, do you mean 'words' ?

Mary Blande......has blond hair, UK spell check brings up 'blonde'

Anyway, brilliant read, absolutely brilliant....I really enjoyed this...I'm not usually a vampire type of person, introducing Baby as a normal girl having a good old ride of her boyfriend on a Friday night made a pleasant change from black out curtains and hiding from the sun....I could relate to this.....All the best of luck....

Going Down In Flames

Hi TD,

What a complex and deliciously dark plot you have here, Noah is madly and worryingly unhinged as you would expect and need a bad guy to be, but what I really liked was the darkness of your hero as well. This is a book for adults, you have a good fast-paced style which delivers the story quickly and efficiently. You balance each chapter well in terms of increasing intrigue and developing new plot elements. I see that this is book three, perhaps I should pop over and have a look at books one and two as well.

Best wishes and good luck with this, I would welcome your thoughts and views on my book.

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I'll be checking out books one and two. I want to be a vampire!

Great read, seriously addictive, backed with pleasure.

Bob x

TD
Okay, this is a winner! Normally I don't care much for Vampire stories, but this is just too good. Plenty of action between abductions: You have Special Agent Jack driving a Bently (007) and the hottest Vampstress going, Baby, on the prowl with her friends serving justice in search of predators and pedophiles. All the makings of a great novel. Who needs the FBI when you have the Hunters and Pride chasing the bad guys. And of course, the spooky Prologue abduction promises a continuing line of conflict to be resolved. Plenty of good similes and metaphors like:

Baby's mental finger-pointing, a slightly painful jabbing right behind the eyes. . .

The writing is fabulous, it just needs the quick pass of an editor. Most of the adverbs seem to work like:
The impossibly correct, morally upstanding, imperious assistant. . .
But there were a couple of awkward solemly's that could be cut:
. . .considered Jack solemnly for a moment
. . .he considered him solemnly
You already have the note to change the italicized thoughts to present tense like dialogue. I also recommend to trim thoughts to the very minimum of words to make them sound more natural. We tend to think in phrases.

The reader is wondering how Jack got all his money with a butler and all. Quite funny how the daughter walks in at the end. This is an alluring story that will appeal to a wide audience. Looking forward to more chapters.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge