The Nursery Rhyme Killer.

Hello Dixie, I have backed your book and will comment when I have more time to read further.
Good Luck.
Norman.

I liked the pitch, which drew me to this book. However, I’m afraid that, on first reading, I found it a trifle over-written and a little heavy going. Half the time I didn’t know what the characters were doing, or the relevance of what they were saying. On second reading, once I knew where things were heading, and what was actually happening, I was able to enjoy the writing and the humour a lot more. I think it could do either with a lot of pruning, or a clearer description of what is going on. At present the density of the writing and oddness of some of the turns of phrase slowed and muddied the story. There’s definitely a spark there, and potential. It just needs a bit of an overhaul to flow better and draw the reader along a little faster.

Your vivid first paragraph hooked me. A captivating comedic thriller with colorful characters. Wonderful attention to details. Lively dialogue. Clever wit. Well paced. well written. Much enjoyed. Backed.

Dixie, Unique and interesting plot. Quirky and a fun who- dun- it. Alot of dialogue, bit hard to follow being from the USA and having a brother who is EMS, not at all a reality here, but your MC is deligtful and kept me going. Backed Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

This is hugely addictive and a lot of fun. I love the concept, and your characters are perfect for such a tale. Creativity at its best. The cover is eye catching, while the pitch is just enough to make the reader interested enough to investigate further. They won't be disappointed. It would make excellent TV viewing. Backed with great delight. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

A fantastic story. The characters really shine in this story. John Wyse is an erudite and brilliantly crafted protagonist, a medically-trained Sherlock who immediately draws the reader in and keeps us hooked! Original, inventive and wonderfully written, this will make a superb novel and just the thing to read on a long journey.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck Dixie.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

This is excellent stuff. Wyse is a winner, a bit wordy at times, but I love him.

There is some excellent comedy on here and you can happily join in with this book, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

The nursery rhyme killer
It's entertaining, and the dialogue is good
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

You are totally fantastic, Dixie! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Dixie


I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Dixie, I love your amature detective society :) - reminds me of the Nancy Drew series I read in high school. :) So much intrigue. :) Your pitch prepared me for a good read & your tight dialogue & paragraphs moved it right along. :) Hope you'll write many more books. :) I'm backing your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my memoir book. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Awesome cover art and title which means nine out fo ten readers will pick it up from the shelf. They'd buy it based on the pitch and I'd say you have a winner here. I'd buy this book and then after reading the fisrt two chapters Id be thrilled I did. A tongue in cheek thriller makes for a unique romp of a read! You are a talented writer indeed IMO.

Backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Dixie, A charming and intersting novel. Great Character description. Very entertaining and I Back the bopok. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

This is a most enjoyable read. The dialogue is tight, very life-like and extremely whitty and your character development is strong. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is great fun. Hugely entertaining.

PADS is a fun thriller. Snappy dialogue. A delight to read. You've done well! Backed.
Rosalind Barden
American Witch

This is fun. The characters really come through in the dialogue. Poor Elms. He makes a good sidekick for Wyse.

A witty, interesting read. I like the dialogue and I know it's a thriller, but I wouldn't mind seeing a few more descriptive passages too. Happy to back this shortly.

SC Dwinnell, "Nobody Liked to Say"

This is a fun story. Love the way Elms and Wyse talk to each other. Makes it an intertaining read. Burgio (Grain of Salt)..

This is different an quirky. A good rapport between Elms and Wyse with a thread of wit running through. An entertaining read and a unique premise.

Backed,

Lisa

Happy to back this.
All the best,
Jacquelyn Jaye
Ballroom Madness

Great dialogue, very formal between Wyse and Elms ... great suspense and a real page turner.
Best of luck, I really enjoyed reading this.

Alison Butler (The Hanging of Margaret Dickson)

Perfect enthralling first chapter - this has it all and i can't wait to read more! BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

I enjoyed the strength of your work. I hardly read this genre but once I had started, the gift of the penned hand kept me going. Backed for certain

Considering the timing of this and the new Sherlock Holmes movies (another one coming soon) this could do well - and deserves too. The story is intriguing, the characters are written well enough that you care about them. Backed.

The main chars feel a bit like Holmes and Watson. Good chemistry.

A few too many unneeded commas, especially in the dialogue.

Otherwise well written, well edited.

Backed.

Lisa~
Brewer House

Hi Dixie, splendid beginning. The dialogue between Wyse and Elms combined with them getting straight into the action makes this my kind of book. For some reason 'the new cargo trousers did not fit into a trouser press' tickled me. Probably because they are a bugger to iron and I sympathise. All the best, Alan

I like this. I like the Sherlock Holmes-ish voice juxtaposed with the modern equipment. I like the premise. I think your pitch is perfect. Sure it could do with a proofread, but who's book doesn't? I am backing this.
Cheers,
~ Storm "Shift Happens"

Fun premise and some interesting characters here. I'll be honest, I think it needs a really stringent edit. YOu have a heck of a lot of dialogue in the first chapter and, while i can see that the rather flowery language is part of Wyses's character, it is hard on the eye and ear so maybe needs to be toned down a little. Try reading it out loud maybe?
Can I make a plea for the simple speech tag 'said'? Really, it would make a world of difference.... there is loads of snorting, pleading, hissing, groaning and sobbing going on which would give you a ton of points in a school essay but lets your writing down here. Also I noticed some exclamation marks where you need question marks - ie What rumours! Who said that!
Sorry, this sounds like a lot of nits but it's only that I think you have a story full of promise here that just needs a little finessing. I certainly like it enough to give it my backing.

The florid language , from the first paragraph, reflects the personality of Wyse perfectly. However, there are problems:
In the first chapter:
"Its thatched roof and weather worn exterior, was in stark contrast to the new housing development and rows of doppelganger houses, it found itself confined with."
This would be more clearly (and correctly) expressed as:
"Its thatched roof and weather worn exterior contrasted starkly with the rows of doppelganger houses of this new housing development"

"the only one's here" should be "the only ones here"

"Assuring Elms, he did have at least own a black and white television..."
I don't understand what you mean to say here. I'm sure there's at least a typo.

And in chapter 2:
"It was probably providence he had determined, which had decided he'd best go into the room first."
Try: "Providence had probably decided he'd best go into the room first."

I wouldn't be so picky, but your delightfully overblown language seems to be tripping people up already, and the errors just make it more awkward for them. You need to reread the words slowly, and edit them carefully. Be particularly careful of punctuation, which can help to clarify your sentences.

I like your words...but they are rather stumbling over one another.

Wendy Bertsch
(Once More...From The Beginning)

Thanks so much for the read, Dixie. I really like the premise, and you started this with an interesting conversation which leads to a wonderful ecounter. In short, the important ingredients are all here. I do think that the dialog is too long and stilted. Doesn't ring at all true to my ear. Many of the sentences seemed to be overly long, as if many half-sentences were trying to re-explain or detail what the reader already knows. The vocabulary also seemed forced. Sometimes things are just big, not enormous or gigantic (to use my words not yours :-) I did love the 'hands as big as shovels' and the 'decapitated head'. Great use of the language. I hope the meanderings are of some help. Best always, Tim Greaton

Hi! It makes perfect sense for a paramedic team to investigate murders--I mean, they do actually see dead bodies now and then. The characters are sharply drawn and funny! I'm just wondering if this book is long enough at 26000 words--maybe you should write some more?
Debbie "Afterlife"

Hi Dixie
You've managed to combine intrigue and tension with subtle comedy and the characters are instantly likeable.
It also has an original feel to it - so much crime fiction comes out of the same mould, it's refreshing to read something a bit different.
Good luck.
Backed.
Shalini

Thoroughly enjoyed. I wish you the very best of luck with your book. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Given a serial killer, why not serial detectives who might become serial victims. Backed with pleasure, Dixie. Interesting and creative turn on a genre filled with cliches.

Daniel Koehler
Splitting Washington

Dixie, Great characters an an unusual story. I like the firt chapter and the almost immediate actio.
Your writing is excellent although smattered with some unusal phrases. All the How To books I read tell us to keep it simple. I'm sure it will o well in print.
David (Flawless Murder) Thanks for your support.

Other than some awkward sentence structure, excellent job. The characters are a hoot and the whole idea is great. Fun read.

Other than some awkward sentence structure, excellent job. The characters are a hoot and the whole idea is great. Fun read.

Other than some awkward sentence structure, excellent job. The characters are a hoot and the whole idea is great. Fun read.

This story has nice humour. On The Finding Of The Body: What could be an enjoyable entree has been stretched into a main meal. I agree with much of Moderino's comments. With some judicious editing this tale would be great. Good luck with it, Cheers, Jacqui Christensen.

Simply put, what a good read!

Lockjaw

Great opening paragraph, good hook and well done. Excellent dialogue, perfect beats. There’s no doubt this has been a labor of love..and probably an anguish for you at times. It has a fun feel to it and flows nicely.

Dixie, I noticed that none of the comments on your book have been ranked by a click on the cherry next to each comment. A reference to the FAQ page describes the process. An interesting plot. Backed Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Your sentence construction sometimes reads a little awkwardly, usually caused by an excess of prepositions:
If so then there was no better man to give the nod to open proceedings than the founder himself.
or
One for which he would forever be indebted to.
The first one seems to be trying to get too much info in one line and the second one keeps going after it's said its piece (don't need the 'to' on the end)

While it's still clear what you mean, the flow is interrupted by these little bumps in the road, for me anyway.

The dialogue, on the other hand, is very strong and often very funny.

However, I found a lot of the narration confusing or overwritten.

You start witth the body, then flashback to them approaching the house with the body in it (I think) which is a curious way to structure it. You don't explain who they are (other than not police) , why they are going there, how they know it's a murder, what they look like, where we are, when we are or what their job is. Of course you will probably reveal these things as we go along, but purely in terms of reading an opening chapter, I felt a bit at sea. Some definitves (not all by any means) would have helped me.

cheers for the read.

This reads like how I remember Sherlocke Holmes used to read when I first discovered it so many years ago, with that great enjoyment of humor and story telling that comes with discovering a very gifted talent. Love your story telling skills and character development. Great fun to read and very much appreciated!

Fun and witty, this is an intriguing title with a wealth of potential. I like your players and I think you have fashioned a nice plot for them. Shelved.

-j

Hi, Dixie -

Fun, funny and very absorbing. Who knew murder could be such a hoot?

I'm still laughing, even as I back this.

Good stuff!

It reminds me of my own approach to writing mysteries and crime.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Interesting and funny.

Backed
JLux
Finding Letta

Fun and witty, with a spirited pace, and aside from editing ideas in your other feedback, there is a great story idea in development. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"