The Basics Of Flight

I love Victorian England and alt. Victorian England is even better. I love your writing. A little editing will tighten it up, but that's something we all need.

Best,
Donna Burgess (Darklands)

Joyce, I've looked at your first chapter. Good job. I would change one small detail in the opening paragraph: Get rid of the second "she". [...managed to grab an empty wooden crate and clambered...]

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Joyce
I made a couple of notes as I read........I didn't initially feel grounded in the atmosphere of Victorian England....

ie...the villages local merchant.......I'd have liked bookseller or landlord, name his trade, if you are going to mention him at all.......Mom, is not a term that would have been used in those days.....Aristocrat of old., sounded the wrong description to me...he would have been dressed as a man of his own time.....

Until you mentioned the Dorset sun I thought we were in London.....What a fabulous setting, Dorset.....You could make so much more of this.......

swooping gulls and sailing boats bobbing in the glittering ocean .......bla bla bla......men in straw boaters, ladies is pastel coloured bonnets.....clamoured to see the flying lion fish.

The academy's main building reminded her of a cathedral....say reminded Katherine of a cathedral, it's not until half way down the page that we know who we are with.......

From then on the narrative sped on at an even pace, carried by an even balance of dialogue......I enjoyed the read.....

This is an original premise, its not easy to some up with new ideas.....I enjoyed the read.

Shelved with enthusiasm...

I read the first three chapters and what I liked about this was that you used sound to round out the experience for the reader -- she heards laughter through the doors, there is music playing. It was so refreshing to see something other than sight used. I think you could continue this experience by using smell in the same way --for example, the bread (could it be smelled along with the stew - a hint of herbs) or the sea air (could it smell like salt). I think small touches that that would add even more glow to your descriptions.

I liked it. The writing flowed well. Good luck with this.

The idea of an alternative Victorian England, where flight has already been invented, in the shape of airships, before the aeroplane was created, is an enticing one, and you develop it well. Your 'period' setting is realistic, the dialogue is very appropriate, and the attitudes of your characters seem right. Katherine is a well drawn character, brave, determined, easy to like, and Alethia is an unusual friend for her. Thomas is another interesting character, and the relationships between them hold a lot of promise. A gripping book, with plenty of action to come. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Ummm the phrase 'this alternate Victorian England' didn't make sense to me.
What I do love is the idea behind this. You really have some rich writing and I found myself slipping into this easily.
backed
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Thank you Bob!

:)

Do you know something? I love Authonomy, it gives me the opportunity to read author's work from all around the globe. Tonight I have read the all too brief snapshot of your book and I have to say I'm impresssed. You're grammar and dialogue is superb and your storyline is captivating.

Backed with pleasure,

Bob (Auctoratus)

Do you know something? I love Authonomy, it gives me the opportunity to read author's work from all around the globe. Tonight I have read the all too brief snapshot of your book and I have to say I'm impresssed. You're grammar and dialogue is superb and your storyline is captivating.

Backed with pleasure,

Bob (Auctoratus)

I love of bit of steam-punky goodness! I cannot fault the writing at all, it is clear, concise and riveting, and works well with your plot and characters. Engaging from the start, and a subject that interests me greatly, I have no option other than to shelve this :-)

Andrew

Thank you Andrew for your feedback. :)

I love of bit of steam-punky goodness! I cannot fault the writing at all, it is clear, concise and riveting, and works well with your plot and characters. Engaging from the start, and a subject that interests me greatly, I have no option other than to shelve this :-)

Andrew

I was eager to read this one as I like the alternative Victorian type of book.

Well written with vivid description. It has a great feel to it, in many ways your writing style was reminiscent of Keith Roberts' 'Pavane' and I do like it. There's nothing major to fault except6 that purely for the mechanics of Authonomy it might be better to upload each chapters as a seperate file for the ease of people reading off their screen.

Backed.

-Jenny-

Hi Jenny. :)

Thank you for your feedback!

:)
Joyce

I was eager to read this one as I like the alternative Victorian type of book.

Well written with vivid description. It has a great feel to it, in many ways your writing style was reminiscent of Keith Roberts' 'Pavane' and I do like it. There's nothing major to fault except6 that purely for the mechanics of Authonomy it might be better to upload each chapters as a seperate file for the ease of people reading off their screen.

Backed.

-Jenny-

The beginning section was so beautiful in it's descriptions, it read like a dream. Then we are brought to ground with the dose of reality. Really well written and deserving of a higher number. Just a few typos throughout that a quick read through would fix. Shelved and backed! ~Foxy Crystalwood, Chasing SANE

Hi Foxy. :)

Thank you for your feedback. :)

The beginning section was so beautiful in it's descriptions, it read like a dream. Then we are brought to ground with the dose of reality. Really well written and deserving of a higher number. Just a few typos throughout that a quick read through would fix. Shelved and backed! ~Foxy Crystalwood, Chasing SANE

Hi Joyce, This has an enthralling effect. Katherine’s wish and the idea of disabilities at the academy increased the suspense for the airship lift. The style has that feeling of suspension, partly in the psyche, and falling into the dreams and the Qing man’s background as if they are clouds. This is an experience to read! The airship has a believable and yet fantastic quality since such a learning experience is in the past. Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Thank you for your comments. :)

Joyce

Hi Joyce!

I found this read most captivating... My oldest daughter is blind, so I was absorbed in your dialogue about thinking in colors. Your descriptions are vivid, thoughtful. Makes me wonder if you have someone in your life that is blind, making you think about things from another angle...

I didn't find anything out of place with regards to nits - it looks like you've done a great job in editing. I think the only suggestion I might have is to beef up your pitch a little. Think of it as your marketing hook - your jacket flap - the copy that will make the reader want to dive into your pages. You'll get more play here if you can convince people to check out your book.

But overall, your voice is solid and writing style is excellent. I'm happy to back this. Great job!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Hi Kim. :)

Thank you for your wonderful feedback!

I have close friends who are disabled. Not blind though. But I put myself in Alethia's shoes and thought from her angle. And I have a bit of synaethesia myself - so the idea of perceiving the world in colors came hand in hand with Alethia's disability. She couldn't see the world, but she experienced it in her own way - in col

Good point about the pitch there. I know I need to work on it.

Once more, a heart felt thank you.
Joyce

Hi Joyce, This has an enthralling effect. Katherine’s wish and the idea of disabilities at the academy increased the suspense for the airship lift. The style has that feeling of suspension, partly in the psyche, and falling into the dreams and the Qing man’s background as if they are clouds. This is an experience to read! The airship has a believable and yet fantastic quality since such a learning experience is in the past. Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Joyce!

I found this read most captivating... My oldest daughter is blind, so I was absorbed in your dialogue about thinking in colors. Your descriptions are vivid, thoughtful. Makes me wonder if you have someone in your life that is blind, making you think about things from another angle...

I didn't find anything out of place with regards to nits - it looks like you've done a great job in editing. I think the only suggestion I might have is to beef up your pitch a little. Think of it as your marketing hook - your jacket flap - the copy that will make the reader want to dive into your pages. You'll get more play here if you can convince people to check out your book.

But overall, your voice is solid and writing style is excellent. I'm happy to back this. Great job!

Kim
Invisible Justice

This is a very different story from the others on this site and you tell it with a mastery of description. I have no problem backing this.
Best wishes
Elinor
In it for the Holidays

Thank you Elinor. :)

Hi Joyce,

This is very well written. I was pulled in immediately and it kept my attention. Great characterisation. It was a joy to read.

Very well written.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Thank you, Shinzy. :)

Hi Joyce,

This is very well written. I was pulled in immediately and it kept my attention. Great characterisation. It was a joy to read.

Very well written.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I must admit was drawn to this as it is set during the Victorian period. The opening is intriguing and exciting as they all stand around to look at the flying contraption in a time when this kind of thing was incredibly new. Easy to follow and very nicely done. Shelved with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

Thank you, Sandie, for your comments. :)

I must admit was drawn to this as it is set during the Victorian period. The opening is intriguing and exciting as they all stand around to look at the flying contraption in a time when this kind of thing was incredibly new. Easy to follow and very nicely done. Shelved with pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

I warmed to Katherine straight away - the story is unusual and enjoyable. I like your style.

Backed

Kev(Catherine Wheel Alley)

Thank you. :)

I warmed to Katherine straight away - the story is unusual and enjoyable. I like your style.

Backed

Kev(Catherine Wheel Alley)

This is a great idea for a story and I love steampunk so you're on my shelf! Your character seems intruiging, although I would say start the book with a bigger event if possible to capture the reader's attention? It needs something a bit more exciting in the first few chapters, not just settling in and meeting new people. I personally would describe an airship in the first sentence- it would set up the story nicely, and readers would be awed by the size etc and interested in reading more.

The description of an old woman laughing like a blighted harpy was cool! Best of luck with this, Kathryn

Thank you for your feedback, Foxfield. :)

And the old woman is scary. Katherine needs to overcome her fear of this scary old harpy. :P

Joyce,
You have some very clever and original writing here. After several chapters, had I not read the pitch, I would still be scratching my head as to what a Leo Fin is. Why don't you have your character stare at it in the beginning and describe it to the reader. Also a little more definition as to what it takes to pilot an airship would be fun to read. Since there is probably little information on that, just make it up, that's what imaginations are for. I loved your line:
To be able to fly, she would do anything.
mostly because it describes my heroine in Test Pilot's Daughter to a T. She was born to fly. So I love your character Katherine and all like her. Since creative genius comes in many forms I don't want to sound too critical. Just write the story all the way through then worry about editing later. Fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Thank you, Steve, for your kind words and comments. :)

I'd start the chapter with the sentence where she says she wants to fly. It gives personal interest. Because reading through tedious description about a cathedral is not interesting.

Good luck.

Thank you for your comments. :)

I'd start the chapter with the sentence where she says she wants to fly. It gives personal interest. Because reading through tedious description about a cathedral is not interesting.

Good luck.

Joyce,
You have some very clever and original writing here. After several chapters, had I not read the pitch, I would still be scratching my head as to what a Leo Fin is. Why don't you have your character stare at it in the beginning and describe it to the reader. Also a little more definition as to what it takes to pilot an airship would be fun to read. Since there is probably little information on that, just make it up, that's what imaginations are for. I loved your line:
To be able to fly, she would do anything.
mostly because it describes my heroine in Test Pilot's Daughter to a T. She was born to fly. So I love your character Katherine and all like her. Since creative genius comes in many forms I don't want to sound too critical. Just write the story all the way through then worry about editing later. Fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Joyce, I have read the first six chapters and find them intriguing and unique. Very nicely written. I have shelved your book. Best of luck, Jedward (Brünnhilde)

Thank you, Jedward. :)

Joyce, I have read the first six chapters and find them intriguing and unique. Very nicely written. I have shelved your book. Best of luck, Jedward (Brünnhilde)