who wants to diet anyway

What a likeable character Alice is. This read to me the kind of thing 'Mike Leigh' would direct with his wife Alison Steadman as the main character. A very enjoyable and easy on the brain read.
Highly starred.
David

You have triggered a diet epidemic......just for fun. I like your humour
Diet to me though is whatever you eat. but as I said I like your humour

Hi Alison,

I had your book on my shelf for a long tim, but I couldn't remember how the story developed. As I still had it on my watching list I decided to read a chapter, but I am now on chapter three and I just would like to say that I don't want to stop reading it. It is funny, it is easy-reading. It is wonderful. You are a great writer and your book brought me inside the story. I can easily picture their house, the girls, Martin and on chapter two how she scrapped the chocolate from the biscuits and then ate them all. I need to have a rotate of books on my shelf, but it will be a pleasure to back your book in the future again if u need. I truly hope Alice succeed dieting and that 'Who wants to diet anyway' have a great and happy end. Thank you for sharing this book.
Eddie

Alison,


I’ve read the first chapter. It reads like a bit like a telephone call from a friend or a diary entry. The tone is chatty and nicely informal.

Your short pitch should read “Alice is a woman who has always had trouble dieting, but this time she is determined to succeed.”
(Women don’t need a special level of formality, unless they are an actual lady. Because Alice is a person, you need to use “who” instead of “that.”)

Your book title should have capital letters, unless there is some reason for it not to. Your book front-cover is very professional looking.

“Ok” suggests the pronunciation “ock”, so it would be better written as “Okay.” although lots of people write it the way you do, so it might just be me!

Housewife is one word.

You have a typo in succeed. Since this is in your pitch, it’s surprising if no one else has noticed.

Ch 1

“I have not even started to diet yet, and I think I’m starving.” You don’t need the comma.

Sometimes you put the main character’s thoughts into inverted commas and sometimes you don’t.

“I can’t wait for my Bacardi and cola.” Should this be “couldn’t wait..” to make the tenses match.

Lots of your reviewers seem to like it and I’m sure it has an audience. It needs polishing and I’m surprised to see the mistakes in your pitch - surely your other reviewers should have noticed? But they can be put right very easily.

I hope I've been helpful. Good luck with it!

Lucy

Brilliant idea for a book and one that so many can relate to. It's easy, funny and just flows.
I noticed in your spec that it was available from amazon so its on my wish list right now - you have written a book that mirrors my sisters life. It's her birthday soon, I think she would appreciate this.
It lets those in the midst of diets see that they are not alone!
Great to see a good - excuse the pun 'well rounded' book that I can actually buy!
Best of luck with it - it's going to be big (he he couldn't help that)

Starred

Jayne x

WHO WANTS TO DIET ANYWAY?
This is a book that is sure to find a wide audience because who out there has not tried to diet at least once? I sympathized with your narrator every step of the way as she indulged in hot chocolate. You made a good point about why dieting is hard when she found it impossible to diet because her husband likes cake. Highly starred and added to my shelf Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the Pesident?

Delightful read indeed :) Your writing flowed very well for me. It was a breeze to read it through. I like your style of writing and your humor. A wonderful book :)
T. Donna Robison (No Kiss Good-bye)

It is said that laughing gets rid of wrinkles from your face, if so then I must have lost 50% of mine after reading this excellent book. I did not go and check, at 72 I prefer not to look into mirrors, and the joker gravity waited till now to work its magic, so everything traveled at an alarming pace downward, and hair deserted from where it was designed to be, sprouting in profusion from ears and nose where it should not. thus hair trimmer on my shaver went from dull metal to a blinding polished stainless steel. Cutting the privet hedge in the garden now seems noo problemo. Sorry I digress, love your book, lots of laughs, so well written. 6 ******.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

I have read the first chapter and I loved it. great humour. I also love the chit chat at the breakfast table and the responses of the children, very funny. I really enjoyed the chit chat at the breakfast table and the responses of the children. I am sure many of us out there can relate to your character Alice. and I can relate to her when she says she feels guilty after a hot chocolate. Will definately read more. On my watchlist for now.

Hi Alison, I feel myself really rooting for Alice - wanting her to reach her goal and empathising with her struggles. I particularly like the opening scene in chapter 2 where her friend Sharon takes her to the pub for lunch; Sharon's surprise and not-too-supportive attitude is realistic and shows insight that some people will be happy for Alice to lose weight - and others may be uncomfortable by it. How true to life! Well done and good luck; I've placed 'Who wants to diet anyway' on my bookshelf. Maria :)

[Who wants to diet anyway]

Your story starts pretty well. You drag me in immediately with a character whom you can't possibly dislike. There are a lot of possibilities with this.

Halfway through the first chapter you lose me, though, and it took me a while to see way, too. You tell a lot, but you don't really show. She says she feels bad about the hot chocolate, but it doesn't reflect in the things she does.

I know - we often fool ourselves, but in this case it isn't felt. A lot of things happen, but it never becomes real, if you understand what I mean.

Still, I'm sure you have the capabilities to create a story that pulls me in entirely. You manage at the start - keep up that good work and you'll get there.

Thanks for reviewing A Shadow In A Shady Country and sorry for getting back so late.

Peter

Is this the last of the book? Too bad I would love to see Alice lose some more weight. Just finished reading.
The book is a good, funny and light read. The only thing I feel is its a bit too fast. Can you explain further a little about Martin- ( nice character to not be too mad, or angry when Alice is lying) why is he the way he is?
Describe the girls more, in terms of how they look and something peculiar about them, because frankly I can picture Abbey more than I can Martin or Daisy.
Also if there is screaming or certain expressions that you want us to see, maybe that should go before the statement... for example...'------' Daisy can shout when she wants to...... It would be nice if that came before the dialogue, so I know she's screaming this out.
I can totally understand the battle with food, because I yoyo diet too. But for people to sympathise more with Alice maybe you can get her to describe how she translates everything in her life with food.
Overall I feel the book is a happy read. Its a mood enhancing read.
Hope this helps.

Is this the last of the book? Too bad I would love to see Alice lose some more weight. Just finished reading.
The book is a good, funny and light read. The only thing I feel is its a bit too fast. Can you explain further a little about Martin- ( nice character to not be too mad, or angry when Alice is lying) why is he the way he is?
Describe the girls more, in terms of how they look and something peculiar about them, because frankly I can picture Abbey more than I can Martin or Daisy.
Also if there is screaming or certain expressions that you want us to see, maybe that should go before the statement... for example...'------' Daisy can shout when she wants to...... It would be nice if that came before the dialogue, so I know she's screaming this out.
I can totally understand the battle with food, because I yoyo diet too. But for people to sympathise more with Alice maybe you can get her to describe how she translates everything in her life with food.
Overall I feel the book is a happy read. Its a mood enhancing read.
Hope this helps.

Your first paragraph is sensational. You have me laughing the second you said your stomach thinks your throat had been slashed. I think maybe you should use pounds to describe the weight though. Most people go by pounds. But this is just for you to think about.

When Alice talks to herself aloud and then narrates on her thoughts, it felt like a weird transition because she decided to speak aloud but then stopped. Maybe have her continue to speak aloud. Or it should all be narrated.

‘. . . sounds like mum is on a diet again.’ I can’t stop laughing. Her get’s come off as soooo real. I love you dialogue. I’m going to enjoy reading this. I know it. I need a good laugh right now.

I can’t stop laughing right now. The smart kid had repeated ‘mum is on a diet again’. THIS is so funny. You really got the mind of a kid down flat. Wow. I don’t think I have EVER read a story on here that has dialogue that show such deep thought. Usually writers focus on the deep thoughts with only the main characters.

Great moment when Alice said ‘I should tell you a little more about my family . . .’ I was thinking duh! LOL. Connecting to the character is a great thing and I just did with Alice with her just saying that. Why it was so great because she should have done it earlier, but she didn’t so she is telling us now when it is kind of too late but not really. I loved this.

This whole chap was just superb. Again, the things that stood out were the dialogue, characters, and your humor. I was in great need of this today. I have been reading one book after another that weren’t comedy. And I NEED laughter right now and you did more than I could ever ask for. Defintely 6 stars. Can’t back you because I have to keep the books on my shelf a little longer. I don’t like giving them just a little time on there. But when I get space, you and 8 others will be fighting for it. :)

I read the first 3 chapters and enjoyed the humour. The dialogues are used effectively to reveal the uniqueness of each character and their different reactions to the book's theme. I found myself rooting for Alice, even when she bowed to temptation. I feel this would make a good chick-lit read. Highyly rated!

While I'm not the target audience, I recognize great, easy-to-read writing when I see it. This is very well written. I also feel the opening is something most people will immediately identify with. I know a lot of people want to diet, but they dread the idea of it and struggle to find one that works. It's definitely an effective approach.

I liked the line: "I even manage to lose something--usually my will power." Maybe tighten it, "I even manage to lose something: my will power." Just a thought.

The dynamic between the mom and the kids is well done. Great characterization. She's an easy character to relate to because many moms have been in her shoes. My mom included. And I recall a similar conversation about having ice cream back in the house by the weekend.

I liked how she continued to promise herself throughout this opening chapter. Even when she wasn't saying it, you could see it in her actions that she's making this promise to herself that she isn't going to keep.

I laughed out loud when Sharon suggested McDonald's after your MC tells her she's on a diet. Nice. Humorous, yet it seems quite typical, too.

This is also well-edited. It made for a quick, enjoyable read.

Suggestions: The tense threw me off from time to time. It was in past tense, then it was in present, then it was past. I realize some of the present tense is her thoughts, yet there were lines such as, "I am going to be really good this time" that in my opinion should be in past tense. Same with, "I am a bit cold from the walk..." You use the word "good" a lot early in the opening chapter. I'd mix up the word choice. "Chirped in" didn't work for me. Either pick "chirped another" or "chipped in another." This could just be a difference in culture, though. Can you close-out chapter one a little stronger? Maybe create a little suspense over the fact she might lose her job? You could even add a quip about how she eats a lot when she's stressed.

While this is beyond what I usually read, I enjoyed it. The writing is solid and the storyline holds firmly. The humor is consistent and works. Well done!

- Who whants to diet anyway -

(Based on chapters 1-5)

This is outside of my usual reading but I enjoyed it in any case. I thought it very clever that the narrative begins with such a fixation on food. Only after Alice has told us about her diet and her struggles with food do we begin to hear about her family members and her world outside. It feels very much as if she is governed by the food she craves and knows she shouldn't have. In this respect, I also found the development of the story clever as we find more and more out about Alice's family as we move on. I think it was with the daughter's talk of her boyfriend that I first began to notice this. Despite the widening narrative, Alice continues to feel alone in her situation and she walks the streets seeing other people who she envies for their lack of weight problems. This element is a clever study of character, showing how self involved we can become when a compulsive behaviour has a hold on us.

Despite this apparent self-absorption, Alice remains a sympathetic character due to her plight and the loving way she interacts with he children.

I liked the dialogue too. Very good uses of idiomatic phrasing, 'Cheeky mare,' etc to make the characters more real and rounded as they speak. The writing as a whole is of a high standard. I was impressed, for example, by the use of hyperbole which somehow worked well and painted vivid pictures in context. 'they came bounding to the table like a pack of wolves.' 'She nearly fell to the floor' etc.

Some nitpicks........

- chapter 2 : 'dessert spoon' should be two words.

- in chapter five, the font changes about halfway down for some reason.

- I noticed some unusual switching of tenses. The main narrative is in the past tense but there are often sudden switches to the present that I couldn't see a reason for.

........'I am going to be really good this time.' (chapter one)

........'I've said that word again. I don't know how many times I've said it.' (chapter one)

.........'I looked at the girls all chatting and laughing and wondered how quickly they are growing up.'

Nitpicks aside, however, this is a very well written and clever piece that I enjoyed reading.

All the best with it,

Ross

Dear Alison, This is one of the cutest premises I have come across this site. Everything about this book right from the cover picture makes me to read this book and I have kicked off with the first chapter. Hope to offer more constructive feedback (Unlike the complimentary one right now) next time.

Dear Alison, This is one of the cutest premises I have come across this site. Everything about this book right from the cover picture makes me to read this book and I have kicked off with the first chapter. Hope to offer more constructive feedback (Unlike the complimentary one right now) next time.

A book so many us can relate to! Only read the first chapter but really liked it. Way to go!
J

Despite the pink cover :) , I was drawn to your book, needing something to lighten the pressures here. It is a fun read, told with a spirited voice and the right amount of humour. Yes, we can relate, which could lower the book into the realm of the mundane, but its verve keeps it flying and we wish to soar along. Starred.
Best,
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

I think you're on to a winner here. So many readers will be able to relate. You take something very mundane and boring like dieting and turn it into a laugh out loud read. Managing to pick the humour out of everyday experiences is a talent, and something you do so well it almost seems effortless. Alice is such a fun character I almost wish she was real just so I could be her friend. I hope you do well with this, you certainly deserve to.

Janny

Now I'm hungry. :(
Nice writing!! thanks for sharing.
Monicque x

Who Wants to Diet Anyway.
First Person

Much as I dislike first person, this one really grabbed me. I completely enjoyed and related to every word. I'm just wondering why the Author decided to write a book about my experience with weight-loss. Remarkable!

Mechanics; excellent. I didn't notice a single problem.

This is so engaging and well written, it will be well recieved and widly read.

Raechel
Echo

I dipped into several chapters, enough to know your writing is very competent and the standard professional. I can't get excited about a book about dieting, but hope to see 'Legal Lies' back again soon.
Backed because I can see that a lot of people will enjoy the humour and realism of 'Who wants to diet anyway?'
Marj.

Great humour and often very funny. A real tonic to read. Wishing you great success,
Backed with pleasure.
Laurence Howard,
The Cross of Goa.

Alison,
A bit of comic relief won't hurt, I told myself and clicked on "Who wants to diet anyway?" It was a good move because I've been laughing ever since. The pithy monologue and picturesque words taking a housewife through her day-to-day challenges revolving around weight, were very effective. Thank you for the entertainment.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi Alison, just finished the first 5 chapters and wanted to tell you how much I am enjoying, 'Who wants to diet anyway'. Your first person narrative voice is very appealing, just the right side of self-deprecating while still communcating that she is a grown woman with a meaningful life. I loved the hook at the end of Chapter 1, about Sharon and the threat of redundancy, but have not noticed these narrative strands being developd yet. Your protaginist's struggle with food is easy to relate to, I think you are onto a winner, in the same way the 'Diary of a shopaholic' touched a nerve with so many women readers. I loved the chocolate biscuit discovery ("I only wanted the chocolate"). Anyhow, I'm halfway through and looking forward to the rest. Did you know the typface changes halway through Ch 5? I've rated your book highly already.
best
Kathleen ('Losing Janice')

Brilliant title. Fun, well-written and light hearted. I could see this as a great beach/summer read. You'd have a great readership I'm sure as we can all relate to this somewhere!
Starred!

Best of luck,
Claire

Who Wants to Diet Anyway.
Chapter - Alice came across as a thoroughly nice person with a self-deprecating sense of humour. She's a busy woman with three children a husband and a job. Her family, not very supportive because of failed attempts, scoff when she sets herself a challenge to lose weight. The struggle ensues. Really amusing trying to eat unsweetened grapefruit without grimacing and mimicking chewing as the rest of the family eat.
You do use 'I' a lot. Perhaps internal dialogue would work better and could, to a large extent, negate the need of 'I' quite so much, just as long as a reader understood this. Just a thought. A few changes in tense, not wholly unexpected, as first person is tricky. Repetition, the overflowing fruit bowl is mentioned three times in consecutive sentences.
Chapter 2 - A really nice flow to the writing in this passage and the tone is very good, especially in dialogue between Alice and her friend and the little dig she got in. I liked Alice's excuse for using more sugar on her breakfast grapefruit than she knew she ought to was amusing. She is endearingly human as this kind of excuse, is one most of us have made, one time or another. The reward for being strong, resisiting scampi and chips in the pub, was Alice feeling good about herself for the first time in ages. A good message for dieters.

Nanty - Chrys!

Well, sorry that this has taken so long. I've got a huge list of books to read, and have been ticking them off. However, your book was one of the more enjoyable. I didn't expect this, because I was naughty and skimmed the pitch. But it was a pleasant surprise, going through the life of someone experiencing that dreaded diet with a sprinkle of humor here and there to keep me amused and smiling. I laughed at the "greens/bogey" comment. I would love to use that one on the kids, but they actually like vegetables :) I also found it funny with the kids betting that you'll be having chips by Saturday. Not much faith in their mum. And the mouth movements, immitating the kids eating was also amusing. And I totally agree with you on the grapefruit comment. You just can't have them without sugar. Diets really do suck.

I didn't spot any typos, and thought the text flowed really well. I'll let you know what I think of chapter 2 when I get some more time. All the best - Marita.

This is an enjoyable easy read, light hearted and fun, Alice's struggle with her diet is the main theme of the book but the sense of connection and family life is the real essence of this story. Well written too.
Best of luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

hi alison, like you cover, looks well in pink.
this is a well put together and down to earth story about dieting and worrying about same'
i was hoping to read at some stage about running, perhaps if i read more i will
nothing to beat a nike running shoe and 5 or 6 laps of the park or local sports field, its the quickest way to lose it .
however book makes for easy reading and is a good read for those feel they have weigh problems.
it will do very well in the target market and i have no doubt that it will reach the top and be published
best of luck
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
obliged if you could glance at mine thanks

This writing is so well observed with great imagery and touches of humour that bring the writing to life. Good dialogue and well written.

Deserves publication 6 star rated.

Jane

'Breath in the Dark '

Oh my God. This is the story of my life. You really understand the pains we voluptuous girls go through, to chase the ever elusive sylph like figures we deserve. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

So funny and so true.

Alison, I've enjoyed your first chapter very much. I am sure so many women can identify with Alice! I hope you don't mind me pointing out there are ways in which you can dramatically improve this without too awfully much work. It could do with a little more building up between scenes so that the punchlines stand out that much more, for example. I will back this as I am sure it will do well on here! Good luck!!!

Reading this made me smile and for some unknown reason - very hungry. I loved the family's response to Mum going on a diet AGAIN and Sharon's horror when her friend ordered seafood salad and a diet cola. I also loved the mother's day breakfast feast. WEll done K.J>

Hi Alison, All the things you describe that Alice goes through when she is dieting are so real and,to me, so predictable. I have suffered this process hundreds of times - fortunately for other people - but it is no less real than if you are doing it yourself. This story is really a cautionary tale and should be read by all 'would be' dieters to prepare them for what is ahead and help them survive it.
It has a pleasant lightness about it and, as you say, would make very good holiday reading, especially if you are in the middle of a diet. Backed with good memories. Hudson. (The Power of the Pegalore).

A humorous book that is well written. A fun read.

Backed.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Alison.

You capture the essence of every dieter, all the dark humour and hunger pains! I absolutely love this.

Backed.

Jodi
x-Evalesco-x

This is a fun bit of writing! I have to find one critique, so here goes:

THis sentence sounds clunky: "That was all he said, but his face said it all."

Just doesn't flow right for me. Maybe: "That was all he said, but his face fell," or something similar. I dunno, I just though that one sentence (and only that one) didn't sound quite right.

My only critique. Thanks!

Nikki B.
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DRAGON FIRE
and
WORMS

Backing!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

I could instantly sense comedy! I had a good feeling reading. Lots of humor in your wrtiing. All the best.

It's easy to relate to something like this. Told with humor and wit, one cannot help but love this MC (you?). We feel for her and we root for her. And dieting can be symbolic of many things. Engaging and well written.

J. Moore
"Vigilante" and "The Bounteous Land"

Dear Alison,
I haven't a clue what my weight is in kilograms (blessed ignorance!) but I can't imagine it's a small number. Thank you for writing a book that helps.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Hello Alison,

As usual I finished reading the first chapter before commenting.
The premise is intriguing. Your writing style is easy and confident. I am sure many of us would easily relate to the problem. I suggest you add TAGS. This will help your book popping up during the search.

Backed

N.Lalit ( Siren )

You are on to something here, a new approach to dieting that really delves into the so personal trials and tribulations you don't see in 98% of the diet books on the market. good start and well written, glad I backed.

Fast paced and funny, with your semi-supportive family and all the triggers that go with it. then, of course, there's work stress. I like the upbeat nature of your story. The dialogue is well done, and makes this a fast paced read. I'm enjoying this book. Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

A fantastic holiday read that - well, lets face it, every woman, not just some or most - will be able to relate to! A great lighthearted read. Well written too, though in places it may be able to flow better - it can be a little 'this happeened, and then that happened, and then...' if you get me. Otherwise, a great manuscript that would just jump off the shelves!

Good Luck!

Selena Hallahan - 'With Teeth'