Book Jacket

 

rank 4802
word count 30755
date submitted 23.09.2009
date updated 30.09.2009
genres: Fiction, Romance, Science Fiction, ...
classification: universal
incomplete

Parallel: The Life of Patient 32185

Abra Ebner

Behind humanity there is a whole other race, a race kept secret by those that belong.

 

Assigned to investigate, Agent Donnery questions one victim whose life has been affected by this race they call Shifters. Accidental Time Travelers, they can choose to Shift time on any scale. With all its dangers, the last thing Donnery expected was a story of love, and a Shifter that wanted nothing more than to save a life.

Searching for a way to heal the wounds left from his mother’s death, six year old Jordan McKay begins to dream that things were different. Too smart for his own good, Jordan’s daydreams become his reality. Involuntarily Shifting into the future, Jordan is suddenly forced into his twenty-seven year old self. Confused and afraid, he is saved by Nurse Ashcroft, a sad woman with a scarred face and broken dreams. Jordan finds comfort with her and a new feeling overcomes him, love. After realizing just what he’d done, Jordan is able to control his new talent and dream himself back. Finding himself at last free, and with a mind now full of knowledge, Jordan makes it his goal to go back and save her. What Jordan didn’t know, however, was that Kenzie’s mind was never prepared for the nightmares his Shifting would cause.

 
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tags

abra ebner, coming of age, fantasy, paranormal romance, romance, science fiction, time travel

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49 comments

 

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Dagura van Acra wrote 609 days ago

A really interesting read, and a brilliant book. However I am going to be annoying and suggest that you put a few commas in there. It seems to be lacking some.
Backed.

Dagura
'Rising Seas'

Owen Quinn wrote 706 days ago

Good premise and the writing is very good, The concept of the Shifters is very clever and Jordan in his older self is a darker version of Big and shows how deprimental it can be. Backed with excitement.

Telegraph wrote 881 days ago


Intriging from the first word. The strong concept pulls the reader along with the flow of the tides. C W

mscynthia wrote 914 days ago

Hi Abra,

This is very eye-opening and I love it! I've never read about a 'timeline', like that of Jordan McKay's life, not in the way you're telling it. It seems very original to me, I'm certainly hooked! Shelved.

Cynthia

lulazaki wrote 933 days ago

interestingly, I am working on another project, Dark Matters, and your time shifters are appearing there, too! They start out appearing in people's dreams...

Jo Ellis wrote 953 days ago

Wow this great! A unique and intriguing concept and your prose had me glued to every word.

I could find nothing to fault here and can only shower you in praise.

Backed with pleasure

Jo xx

Spoilt

Richard Denning wrote 954 days ago

I apologise it took a while to get to reading your book. I am revising my own and tend to get a few days to look at books here between periods of working on own book - or the real world interfering. Curse the real world.!!

So first time I have taken a look at authonomy in 5 days.

Anyway : to your book. It good. Bottom line is the premise and prologue were good enough to get me interested.

Time travel or anything to do with that work for me. BUT the writing must be good and your's is good. I would buy this right now if in a book shop. That's my highest mark by the way : I would buy it.

zil wrote 954 days ago

Hi Abra,
I read your pitch and thought, how interesting. I wasn't wrong. The unique way in which you tell this love story is amazing! We have all, at some point wanted to change some things in our past, or indeed someone elses. The fact that this is conducted as an interview as well keeps the reader from becomming confused and overwhelemd with all the time jumping, and the main characters are so likeable that you just have to know what happens to them.
On my shelf.
Zil. x

Maria Luisa Lang wrote 955 days ago

Dear Abra, A very fascinating idea, and I like and admire what you do with it: the technique of using documents to tell the story is highly effective because the different perspectives create a sense of dimension—Joyce does something similar in Ulysses—and so, though it’s science fiction, your narrative seems firmly based in reality.

The writing is extremely skillful, graceful, and inventive, and Jordan, despite his incredible talent, is always convincing: what’s especially brilliant is that you render the ability to travel through time, usually regarded as very desirable, as a kind of tragic flaw.

Exceptionally deft and imaginative shifting. On my shelf. Maria, The Pharaoh’s Cat

Mark Adel wrote 958 days ago

Unique

soutexmex wrote 959 days ago

I backed this because this is original in the way you are telling the story. It takes you out of the ordinary which sometimes it is necessary to do.

I like the short pitch but not the longer pitch. Think you could sue some tighter editing there.

Your pacing is spot on though. SHELVED!

I do look forward to your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

jennyemily wrote 961 days ago

An interesting way of putting the story together. The style reminded me a little of something like the style of how "The Usual Suspects" was put together on the screen. Well written and well done. Backed.

-Jenny-

Lorelli wrote 961 days ago

Hi Abra

Although this has similarities on the surface to The Time Travellers Wife and the (older) Quantum Leap TV series, your take on timeline jumping is fresh and brings a new perspective to it.

I think the journal/letter/transcript of conversation style of the novel works brilliantly - it's different and made me (as the reader) feel like i was trying to solve the mystery of what happened. Despite the sci-fi aspects of his life, Jordan comes across as a very real character and is easy to empathise with.

Great story, great characters, great writing - shelved :-)

Best wishes
Lorelli (The Man Whisperer)

Jill H. O'bones wrote 962 days ago

Intersting Plot. great story

Backed

Jill

dave_ancon wrote 962 days ago

Your idea is very unique, Abra, and one that could sell very well. Keep in mind the readers want action and as few words as possible. Once the concept of what you are trying to convey is complete, move on to the next concept. I'll gladly back this for you. -- Dave

Andrew W. wrote 962 days ago

Parallel: The Life of Patient 32185

Hi Abra,

This is my kind of story, straight in, no messing, pouring through artifacts of an experience and trying to work it out for ourselves. Loads of intrigue and interest to begin with, no fussing about with too many words or over use of description, story, story and story. Great stuff. I read much more than I intended, wondering if you could keep the tight pace of the opening and you can, brilliantly done, well crafted, getting the rhythm and pitch of this kind of tension right is an art form in itself. Backed.

Best wishes and good luck. I would welcome your thoughts on my book.

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Elaina wrote 963 days ago

Well, this is different. I like different. Parallel is the kind of book one should take a page at a time, read carefully, allow it to sink in...and then read the next. Not so easy to do here!

An intriguing premise, Abra. I really wish I had time to spend with this to properly appreciate it.

Shelved.

All the best
Elaina

Dania wrote 963 days ago

Like the premise and the writing. Glad to shelve.

you ask below if the book should start with ch 1 or 2. I like the opening paragraph of chapter 1, found that it immediately pulls the reader in but wasn't sure about the dialogue that follows. The content is great, just found the deposition format to be a little startling and maybe too soon to have it in the story.
Hope these comments help. Dania

abraebner wrote 963 days ago

I want to know if you, the reader, think the book should start with chapter one, or two?

Abra

Jed Oliver wrote 963 days ago

Abra, The book is marvelous and fascinating! Definite top quality! Shelved. Jedward (Brünnhilde)

Trevor Williams wrote 963 days ago

Hi Abra
There are some great ideas here and characterisation is excellent. However, I am not sure that this format works. The idea that the narrative from the various POVs could be reconstructed from a journal seems a little far fetched, unless of course a novelist has found the journal and used it as the basis of a piece of fiction. I wonder if the agent is really necessary in the story. Could we not just see it from the POVs of the protagonists and omit the commentary. The existence of shifters is inherent in the narrative and can be inferred by the reader from the events.
The other problem is the idea that shifitng backwards in time into your younger self would allow you to retain the memories taken from your future seems paradoxical. You can probably get away with it by virtue of the quality of the writing and pace, however. It's well worth developing further.

Cas P wrote 964 days ago

Hi Abra.

What a chilling thing, to suddenly be twenty-seven when you're used to being six! I can't begin to imagine how that would feel but I think your story comes as close to revealing it as anyone can get.
Jordan's fear, confusion and pain come through clearly; the scene where he spontaneously hugs the nurse felt utterly right - it's the sort of thing a frightened six-year-old would do.

Your pitch is intriguing and sets just the right tone for the book. The opening chapter eases the reader in, although I think you could just as easily have gone straight in with Jordan on the bus.
I saw a couple of typos but as this has been published, I won't bother pointing them out.

A great read, deservedly shelved.
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

KJKron wrote 965 days ago

I was drawn right into your story. Love the style - it starts with a format like a drama as you hook us with so many mysteries. How can someone be random in time? What's this about meeting for the first time at 25 but it really being six? And loving them. And playing God. So many things that make me curious I had to read chapter two. It was unexpected - but great. It flows great at a nice clip. And your characters are likable - we feel their confusion. I might cut a few words here and there. Like "Was I dreaming?" But that's such a minor point - this is really good. Shelved.

Michael Croucher wrote 965 days ago

Hi Abra, not my genre but you kept me reading; I could see the story developing and was hooked by the intriguing premise. Well done, I'm happy to put Paralell on my shelf.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

Karen Carr wrote 966 days ago

Love the way you begin, the letter sets up so much mystery and backstory, yet it doesn't feel like an info dump, works well. Chapter 1 was a bit screenplay like, not sure that quite worked, but still liked the dialogue. Chapter 2 was great, made me puzzled, more into your plot and I think you did a very good job with the voice. The dialogue and inner monologue works well too. I”m happy to have this on my shelf.

Urania wrote 966 days ago

Abra, fascinating premise, great pitch and well-written. I'm not really a sci-fi/fantasy buff, but I did enjoy your original approach and strong voice. I, too, was a little unsure of the six-year old turning twenty-something and using grown-up language so readily, yet it sort of works. This is gutsy, compelling (even though I'm really not sure what's going on) and certain to stand out from the crowd. Shelved with pleasure.

paxie wrote 966 days ago

Abra

i enjoyed this, when I didn't really expect to.....I ask too many question, ie...well how could a 6 years old say this, or that ? But here the story was crafted in such a way that I was easily able to accept the turn or events as 'possible' so I'm kind of converted !!!

I did think that he might have 'marvelled' at his 'ability to think so clearly and in an adult way'

the scar 'lingered' on his palm.....

A 6 year old would not use the word 'lingered' in reflective thought.....That might have jolted him,,, 'lingered' what am I talking about.... bla bla.....' See what I mean, I'm too sceptical....It's fiction right ? So I should just knuckle down and accept it.....

This is a very well written piece, which I'm sure will do well.....I especially admire you for self publishing...I wouldn't know where of how to start marketing....Best of luck with this.....Backed.

ML Hamilton wrote 967 days ago

Abra,

The format of your story struck me. It's different and interesting. I liked the almost play-like feel of it and the journal entry made me feel like a voyeur peering in at this man's life. The writing is crisp and moves along at a good pace. I have no idea what's happening, but that enhances my desire to read on.

I noticed a few grammatical glitches. The most glaring one was this: "roll" should be "role". Other that that, it was a truly unique read.

On my shelf,

ML

Jeanne Bannon wrote 967 days ago

Interesting story - kind of reminds of the Time Traveller's Wife. Well written and entertaining. I will read on. Shelved.
Jeanne
Dark Angel

Kim Jewell wrote 967 days ago

Hi Abra!

You know, it never ceases to amaze me the number of really talented writers there are on this site. Your work is no exception! Very polished out of the gate, this piece is a great start to a sci-fi thriller, and with a romatic twist! Well written, compelling characters. I love the dialogue in chapter one! This should appeal to a huge audience, and I'm sure will be in book stores soon! Totally shelved!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Simon Swift wrote 967 days ago

As other have said before, you have a great concept here! You pull it off very well! Okay you do need to edit and polish, but don't we all! Your writing is crisp, interesting and bursting with flair! There is enough here to back right now, and I will come back later to read more!
Simon (BLACK SHADOWS)

Paolito wrote 967 days ago

Parallel...

This is the second book I've read today where I love the premise and see real talent here.

I also see a lot of beginner's writing weaknesses which I urge you to fix so that your innate talent will shine on the page. Two books which saved my writing life: Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King, and Scene and Structure by Jack W. Bickham.

In case you're wondering what kind of weaknesses I see, I'll give you an example: The Starting Syndrome. And here's what an HC editor had to say about it in the review of one of the starred novels on this site (I recommend you read all the reviews, plus the authonomy tips section, especially the tip about cliches, because I found a few in your writing):

"Please don’t use ‘began’ as in ‘began falling’. Think about the action physically. Can someone begin to fall off a cliff? The word insinuates that if you character has begun to do something then they must either stop doing it, or that process must end. The majority of the time ‘began’, much like ‘suddenly’ is a superfluous word. You must feel confident enough about your prose that this process is self-evident through the manner in which you have described the action."

Writing fiction well isn't automatic, unfortunately, but when you're already as creative as you are, and when you demonstrate that you have a feel for storytelling (as you have), you'll be amazed at how much you can improve your writing by reading about the craft...starting with the two books I've mentioned.

I'm shelving this because even though I don't think it's ready yet, I want to encourage you to keep on studying the craft and to keep on writing.

Cheers,
Sheryl
P.S. Don't read mine (unless you want to check out whether I know anything about writing fiction), but do read Tnuth (with an 'n') by C.P. Hoff, a charming literary novel with rich characters and dialogue that shines on the page. She deserves our support.

Keefieboy wrote 967 days ago

Abra, this a great concept and you've written it very well. I just noticed one nitpick in ch 1: God's roll -> role.

Shelved.

T.L Tyson wrote 968 days ago

I love the way this starts. First the letter. Then the statement. A whole original way of going about things. The first chapter hooks. I think your long and short pitch do not do your story justice. In the sense that it pales in comparison to how enthralling your book is.
BAcked.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

andyroo wrote 968 days ago

My favourite genre and this doesn't disappoint. There's no way I'm not going to shelve this!

Andrew

felicity potbottle wrote 968 days ago

I like this it is different.

Carrots wrote 968 days ago

It makes such a change to comment on a book which is based on such an original and profound idea. But not only that, the interpretation of the idea is so individual. The prose style is straightforward, unobtrusive and hums along. This allows the humour, quirkiness, but basic humanity of the story, to shine out. It's all very skilfully done. Backed.

mmcdonald64 wrote 969 days ago

For Parallel--

I love the concept of this. Changing things via time travel or seeing the future has always fascinated me, so I was happy to find your book. The writing is very good and his realization that he changed his mother's life was done very well.

Like some other's have mentioned, it is a bit hard to think of him as six. Some kids do act older than their age, or are super intelligent--I have a nephew like that--he was spelling words like aluminum when he was four--,but he still has that sweet child like quality. I think that is what I felt missing. I can't even put my finger on why it felt that way. It wasn't so much the words he used as his thought processes. When he fell and skinned his hands and wanted his mommy, that felt real.

Backing for great premise.

Sandie Newman wrote 969 days ago

This is an excellent story, the concept of shifting through time, makes you think, I liked th letter at the beginning, sort of explaining everything, very well written and I like Jordan from the start. Very very good, shelved.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

JohnRL1029 wrote 969 days ago

Fast-paced, edge of your seat sci-fi. You're a really good writer. Love how the letter and transcript instantly engage us in the story. Shelved.

abraebner wrote 969 days ago

Yes, the six year old bit has been the biggest issue. I based the character off my niece but she's not your typical six year old, leaving me wondering if I should make Jordan more universal. Thanks for the constructive thoughts! LOL on the bun bit, makes me laugh now that I see it ha ha! sometimes we miss those things ;)

Great opening, sets up the intrigue really well. Time travellers, manipulation of time seem very in vogue right now (Time Traveller's Wife etc). I like them but I do struggle with the practicalities! Can't help myself - I'm thinking, well if he's six how come he's writing a journal? And how come he uses such grown-up vocabulary (unacceptable, microchip etc?) It seems like he is looking at himself from an adult perspective. Then I think, oh give up with it Jane, and just enjoy the story and it's a rollicking read for sure.
One nitpick - God's ROLE (not roll)....unless God likes a bun!
I'm putting this on my shelf (backing it) and wish you all the luck in the world here. Think you'll do very well indeed.
Jane

abraebner wrote 969 days ago


Thank You Shinzy! I love hearing that! confusing to write, but i think it pans out.

Hi Abra,

You have an intriguing premise. This is quite an accomplished work of fiction. Loved the opening; I was immersed into the story right away. Loved the authentic narrative voice; it was so engaging and made me feel like I was right there with your MC. Characterisation and dialogue is believable.

This is very well written and was an enjoyable read.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

abraebner wrote 969 days ago

Thanks! Glad it can do that lol. Do come back!

Abra,
You grabbed me right from the firsr sentence and never let go.
Excellent premise, great writing, a very good read. I will be back to read more.
Shelved.
MickR - The Nightcrawler

MickR wrote 969 days ago

Abra,
You grabbed me right from the firsr sentence and never let go.
Excellent premise, great writing, a very good read. I will be back to read more.
Shelved.
MickR - The Nightcrawler

TheLoriC wrote 969 days ago

The book has an intriguing premise, a riveting and original plot, a narrative voice that draws in the reader almost immediately, and is very well-paced; they're all the ingredients for an outstanding piece of work. This is both on my shelf and Today's Pick I Like for 9/24/09: http://newandgoodreading.blogspot.com/2009/09/todays-pick-i-like-92409.html

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Andrew Thorn wrote 969 days ago

Hi Abra,

Welcome to Authonomy. Really like the unusual format of the opening here. No time for detailed crit at the mo, life is a bit crazy – so am backing this now, and will come back to it later.


Andrew Thorn (Killjoy)

Alecia Stone wrote 969 days ago

Hi Abra,

You have an intriguing premise. This is quite an accomplished work of fiction. Loved the opening; I was immersed into the story right away. Loved the authentic narrative voice; it was so engaging and made me feel like I was right there with your MC. Characterisation and dialogue is believable.

This is very well written and was an enjoyable read.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

Jane Alexander wrote 969 days ago

Great opening, sets up the intrigue really well. Time travellers, manipulation of time seem very in vogue right now (Time Traveller's Wife etc). I like them but I do struggle with the practicalities! Can't help myself - I'm thinking, well if he's six how come he's writing a journal? And how come he uses such grown-up vocabulary (unacceptable, microchip etc?) It seems like he is looking at himself from an adult perspective. Then I think, oh give up with it Jane, and just enjoy the story and it's a rollicking read for sure.
One nitpick - God's ROLE (not roll)....unless God likes a bun!
I'm putting this on my shelf (backing it) and wish you all the luck in the world here. Think you'll do very well indeed.
Jane

Steve Ward wrote 970 days ago

Abra,
Wow, this is pro writing and so original. I loved the dialogue intro to set the stage then let the story begin. Reminded me of the movie BIG, but you make it seem so real to go from 6 to 27 and wonder why. This Shifter business is all very mysterious, not telling the reader too much. Then he immediately meets the love interest. Very clever, this draws the reader like an electro-magnet. The dialogue is crisp and the narrative a very fast pace. The writing is great but I did see one error in the line beginning:
"Oh. . ." I paused still surprised. . .to tell you the truth I don't what. . . (the know is missing)
Super read. Good luck with your book.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

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