Foot

Turning points come one by one in a novel will ensure its special features. For it, the novelists must have a special talent to align events in a raw. You are one among it and proved as a successful writer.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

I love your work. You take back in time in an era few truly understand as well as you do. Your writing is flawlwss and grabs the reader from line 1. Good details to stir the reader's interest and beautiful scenes.

The theme is appealing and your work has intriguing tones.

It was a pleasure to read this.

Backed happily
The Mind setter

TA,

A great dramatic opening. The details are well observed and the tension builds right to the end, where you leave us hanging.

I have a very few minor observations you might like to consider:

--in the opening sentence you might substitute 'the' for 'his' as at this point the pronoun has nothing to refer to;

--I think there's too much detail in 'U.S. Army issue .58-caliber rifled musket' perhaps just Army issue .58 rifle' or something similar at the moment it's as if you're keen to included all the research you did, I doubt Matt casually thinks of it in such detail;

--similar with 'Meyerco Bowie' knife, which I'm sure most think of simply as a bowie knife; and

--lastly, I'd be tempted to omit the last three words, the rhetorical question is almost too obvious.

I liked the way chapter one, or tab 2, picked up from the prologue too--without resolving the ending.

This is a strong piece of writing. Backed with pleasure.

FOOT
This is an interesting story. You’ve obviously put in hours of research before you wrote it because it rings true. You have a good mix of characters. The setting and time period you’ve chosen for this is also great; makes this a good contrasting world from today. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

About bloody time- a Bigfoot story. The opening is very good and uses the native american lore well as Bigfoot being the spirit of vengeance and protector of the woods is legend. This I would like to see on screen. About time intelligent use of Bigfoot. Well done,

Great premise! Looks awesome. I think it needs a more catching title though. :D

Hello-
There's an air about this that invokes the legend and backwoods mythology of its time and place. Nicely done. Adding the layer of something truly horrible lurking just out of sight past the tree line to the challenges of living rough in the wilderness makes for a terrific tension and foreboding. Good luck.

Ruth/Base Spirits

T., I read only three chapters but each one had its own particular draw: the atmosphere of ch 1, which is unnerving, the threat at the end of ch2, and the mysterious feeling of premonition in ch3. Not forgetting the setting and the very lovely prose. An unusual spooky adventure. Shelved. Lynn

Interesting, authentic settings. BN is a strong, independent character. I like him. Your detailed descriptions put me into your story. Great action. Vivid. Tense. A haunting story. Backed.

Hi :) i think the opening is superb, and that is pretty impressive cause I do tend to go on and on about openings. I thought the images you constructed were strong and lasting. On the flip side of the coin, I wasn't altogether convinced by your characters and I thought the Indian chief's words in italics were a little bit too fantasy-like, trying too hard to be serious/mystical/awe-inspiring and not really achieving any of these things. Overall though I liked it and these personal quibbles maybe are not such a big deal in the bigger picture. Backed and on my shelf :)

Hmmmm.
I read some of this last night and wanted to read more today but it keeps erroring me. Damn this site!
I made some notes and will leave those with you now.
I enjoy the the setting in which this takes place, I could see if vividly. You really are a great story teller.
the first line of chapter one is a gorgeously constructed line. This is a great opening line.
There are parts which I were reading that felt earthy and folky. there was a legend-like narrative to this that held my attention and reminded me of someone telling a story around a campfire.
You have a clear and direct style which I think propels the reader to read on.
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Hi TA, Foot certainly takes you into the wild west, with folklore and authentic atmosphere. Your story-telling is colourful and vivid. Backed!

Agneta

Letting Go, a true story

Great story, I read chapters 1, 15, and 57. Wonderful telling.

Backed

Jill

Wonderful. I had to make myself stop after chapter 3. I'm just so far behind on my reading list, my shelf is empty so this will be the first book back on the shelf and I hope to find time to come back and read more.

Trish
'Miranda'

I enjoyed this immensely- it reads like an "ancient tale of yore." The characters and strong and believable, and there is a nice rhythm to your writing that sets the tone well- anticipation, out there in the woods. Lots of tension, not just because of Big Foot, but the surprise enemy of Coiled Snake, and Matt's feelings for Lana Night Flower.

I thought this flowed well, the only paragraph that felt rushed was in the first chapter. The first sentence of the paragraph was "He thought of Lana Night Flower...". After only two sentences, you jump to his brother's death. I would like to hear a little more about his feelings towards Lana, for example, their parting scene, or a memory of what she looked like- a conversation they had, etc.

Backed!.

Dear TA,

Have just read a few chapters of "Foot" and really enjoyed the atmosphere of the old west. You write very well and it feels very authentic. Backed!

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

Foot is an ambitious tale of the supernatural within the context of the 19th century American west. You capture the period authentically and your storyline provides plenty of scope for drama and action. One niggle, that the prologue was a bit repetitive as the stones kept on coming...and coming. In the end, too, I felt that the tough no-nonsense character you gave your trapper dissolved too easily into a terrified wimp - think about consistency of characterisation.
Overall though a well written and gripping story. Backed.

Nicely done. Bit scary. Very interesting. You build the tensions well, leaving us wondering yet knowing. I like it.
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

For 'Foot'--

The first chapter kind of reminds me of The Call of the Wild, the way Matt is trapped near the fire and surrounded by the creatures. Very spooky. I was just looking up stuff on Bigfoot a few weeks ago because my daughter is just discovering those kinds of legends. Too bad she's too young to read this. Well, maybe in a few years when this is on the bestseller lists.

I love the premise of this and the writing is very good. I'll shelve it for awhile.

I like the combination of Western and Horror -- some Louis L'Amour's have that, but not as a major theme, such as you've done here. It's been a while since I've read a Pacific NW western, and I forgot how much I like the feeling of the wilderness versus the prairie.

You have a number of authentic references, which I appreciate. I do agree with the comment on "It takes a S'quamish to sneak up on a S'quamish" or whatever you like. On the whole, though it seems quite well done, including the swing from fear to bravado as the fire flares, then dies. That's one of the hardest things in any genre like this.

Stuart Phillips
High Cotton

I loved the opening-- general eeriness, followed by terror! Its definitely a nice twist on the western genre, and some good setting-specific details.
The major comment I'd make is that your Native Americans seem rather cliché and culturally aspecific. (I say this as someone of Native descent, so I may be picking up on this more than usual?). As the tribes in Washington State are relatively alive and well, you can easily get info on their customs, etc. The other thing is that we usually refer to ourselves by tribe (for example, the grandaughter might say "it takes a Makah to sneak up on another Makah).
Other than that pet peeve, I like your writing and your plot.

Legend and lore – this is my kind of book!
And wow, what a pitch. I already know I’m going to love this. People usually comment on the first few chapters, so I though I’d delve a little deeper, just to keep you on your toes.
Chapter 20:
Laughing Dog is a great name. Instant appeal. And Speaks a Lot. Ha-ha, I love these names – and his story behind his naming is awesome. I really enjoy this kind of story telling within the story, making the characters more three-dimensional.
I’ve come into this story late but to me this feels well-crafted and full of promise, so I’ll be back for more when time permits.
There is a bit of editing to do to get this polished – just minor typos like missing full-stop / period (s), ‘gloom and dome (doom)’ near the chapter ending etc. But nothing major and all easily rectified.
Now on my ‘read whole upload’ list and shelved with my very best wishes.
Good luck!
David
Green Ore

I'm a lover of frontier American history - and my mother is an anthropologist so we would often search for arrowheads and the like. I found your story captured much of the flavor of the classic folklore. I read your chapter 1 and chapter 7. The first line (with three s words) was a little offputting. Suddenly, quickly - -those are used a few times, you might want to consider otherways to impart your sense of urgency. The -ly words felt forced to me.

Opening of chapter 7 -- 'pesky white man' -- pesky? Something more stoic perhaps? I would have liked to see this as a conversation. Its a lot of information and internal thoughts. You might find that you can advance the character development more if they discuss, rather than think to themselves -- but it could well be that given their gender and culture (would Coiled snake really share his anxiety with her?) you can't. I was just hoping for more interaction or action in this. Or perhaps the old man could simply share his vision and they could make a plan together.

I'm supportive for the storyline concept and the flow of the writing. You don't see many quality westerns these days. Wish you the best.

For me this is simply a great story, and well told as far as I can see from the first couple of chapters. Backed - and good luck. Clare (Second Lives)

T.A., this is a neat story. As someone who is very interested in the plight of indigenous peoples, I think you've crafted a compelling story. Backed and enjoyed.

This is an important book because it both entertains and informs. It warns us about the consequences of encroachment onto the lands of indigenous people for commercial gain, a scene still being played out in the Amazon, and other remote parts of the world. You clearly know your subject and write well. I'm pleased to back you. Best wishes. Tony.

As soon as yu warn me to stay away I feel compelled. damn those north woods. (Shelved).

T Allen
Read your opening chapter deleting the following:-
suddenly
instinctively
to illuminate the surrounding forest line....

And see what you think......I skimmed those words, the context of the paragraph didnt need them in my view. Also the smell, I think you just have to liken it to one other odour for the reader to get the picture....

I think and opening should be sharp, not a single word in there that you dont need.... (my new only)

Chapter 3.......countless soles....should be 'souls'

Will stop my moaning now........Pitch promises and outlines and interesting storyline and your first three chapters do much to prove you'll deliver. Best of luck....Backed.

T. Allen

FOOT...love the title. I appreciate a short title that packs a punch. I love your cover as well. Your pitch is well-crafted, your premise is original, and I am always thrilled to see that this is a complete work.

Your prologue sets the stage beautifully. I agree with the other comments that this would be nice in hardcover version where one can slump back with a nice bottle of vino and take it all in.

Backed,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

I read your prologue (excellent!) and chapter 1 and then skipped ahead. Around chapter 57 I came across the group of furred creatures...and I have a hundred questions now, ha ha. I'm pressed for time at the moment, would love to read everything to have those questions answered, but, alas...if this was a book in my hands, I could now sneak off to bed and vanish into the pages!

I like this, very evocative. And has the feel of a great adventure.

Happy to shelve.

All the best
Elaina

Without the paranormal slant I would have passed this straight by. But the idea of tobacco chewing frontiersmen unwittingly wandering onto sacred ground and into the path of the legendary Yetti is brilliant and one to be watched. Backed.

Hi there,

For all my smart-ass allegorical monster mischief, hand on heart, this is the type of book I would buy. I do love stories of strange creatures in strange locations, and this creature feature has all the spooky elements you could ever want; remote, untamed wilderness, more than 100 years away from the familiar world; elemental Native American culture, understanding of a strange, alien lore and spirituality; and the creature made real, one that we might think we know, but not from your story. It even starts with a campfire, as all good scary stories should. Big fan of this, shelved and enjoyed

Pat Black
Snarl

Quite good and compelling. I am impressed with the knowledge you have of this time. Your descriptions are very good, too. I really could picture Matt outside, in danger. Also, you seem to really understand the relationship b/w man and grizzly.
(a typo in chapter three: countless soles should be countless souls.)

Thank you, Patricia

This has a nice feel to it. You grab our atttention with Matt sensing something in the prologue. They sense danger for him in the second. And with Coiled Snake listening to Lana and her Grandfather, I sense things are going to get more tense. The dialogue seems a touch formal, but that may simply be because it's a Grandfather speaking to his granddaughter. You've got my attention. I want to read more. Shelved.

T, this is one great adventurous read. It has all the elements of a lively, fast-paced yet equally menacing horror type thriller, and just right for your target market. I think you have a great writing style for this genre too, and descriptions, characters and dialogues all work together. Best of luck, and shelved, no problem

Love the pitch! It is nearly worth backing on this alone! The story does not let you down either! A couple of chapters in and I am backing right now! this is really good and I will happily read on! All the best buddy!
Simon

I am absolutely loving this! What an exciting read!

I have a few comments and suggestions as follows:

Short pitch: "Legend and lore begins somewhere" should read: "Legend and lore begin somewhere." (remove the "s" on "begin")

Commas:
"Matt McGregor instinctively stoke the campfire(,) adding more tree branches to..."
"The old pack mule kicked and heehawed(,) attempting to break free from..."
"Matt loved the life he lived(,) but one could only manage..."
"Do not travel into the mountains of the north woods(,) for the S'cwene'y'ti lives there"
"followed by low guttural grunts(,) then strange hoots like no owl..."
"the campsite was pelted with stones, landing close(,) sending him scurrying for shelter(,) but in the clearing there was no such refuge."
"He piled the last of his wood supply onto the fire(,) and the blaze instantly emboldened him(,) widening his view of the surrounding..."

"A second blood curdling scream jolted Matt" - I couldn't find where it mentions the first scream.

This really deserves to go high on the charts! How exciting! And the premise really is excellent.

Shelving this, and definitely reading more!
Andrea
The Key of Kilenya

Lovely narrative in the first chapter. Great dialogue in the second. Very engrossing and written with confidence.

Andrew

T. Allen
I love this story! When I was a kid I read every book about Indians I could find. I admired their ability to live off the land and tried to learn many of those skills myself. Spent about half my young life outdoors, hunting, trapping, skinning, fishing and surviving. So your story strikes me right in the heart. The writing is fantastic, beautiful pictures painted with your narrative, you exercise all the senses with your "stinky" opening. You establish a strong line of conflict with Coiled Snake and the characters, Matt, Bad Nose and Grandfather are all solid. Plan to read more of this one. Oh yeah, the only thing I saw with my editor's eye was that the dialogue in scene 2 between Grandfather and Lana seems a bit long. Most people don't talk in paragraphs, just short sentences. Great read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

I’ve read into the third chapter of this. The first chapter was the best of the three, but I feel in the second the speech between the Indian chief and his grand daughter let you down a bit. It seemed to me to be stilted. In chapter three, I was initially confused at three characters with similar names: BN, Bénard the Frenchman and Ben the part Indian.
I think this has a lot of potential and will back you for that potential. But I do suggest when you next edit it you consider especially the speech between characters. Try saying it loud, to hear how it works. I’d also be looking at that long pitch; the character in the first chapter seems to me to be important but he’s not mentioned.
Of course, all this is just ‘in my opinion’ and you may ignore anything I say. I do intend returning to read more of this.

My step-dad is an indian, and I grew up around them. I have to stay that you seriously did your homework. You've done a good job at capturing a culture here. Shelved.

Amanda

HI T.

I like this. Of course anything happening in the woods interests me as does the Gold Rush! But you seem to have done your research and developed a multi-layered story that will both satisfy and reward its readers.

Only thing--the mix of smells in the prologue that Matt was trying to discern, they're all very different to my nose and I wondered if it was intentional that he couldn't narrow it down further. Otherwise, great job describing the scene and the time. I especially liked the descriptions of the mountain men in ch3--well done. Punctuation (as with setting names apart) needs some attention but this will come. Backed. ~Barb (Whispers through the Aspens)

WOW.I had no idea you are a writer.I read the whole thing this evening.It is really good.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
GA cuz

Oh what a little treasure I have found here. Shades of Larry McMurtry here... I loved Lonesome Dove....

There is nothing more I can say but this is fab!

Backed

Jo xx

Spoilt

stay away from the north woods!

good advice, but i liked the experience of reading this book .

a rich text covering an interesting time and place

you write with a wonderfully distinct style which complements the period setting – fluid, dense, evocative narrative and fine dialogue

cunning coiled snake with his monster bear and his murderous plots and his ambition to head his own tribe is a fine character - full of savage life, of a kind much closer to us "civilized" people than most will ever admit or even see, imprtant stuff, this, in a way, eye-opening, as well as entertaining .

this is an expansive work to match the backdrop within which it is set, and a clearly dramatic premise where cultures clash as their divisive moralities of greed and honour meet in the northern woods

i am backing this for its abounding backdrop and well-judged depth and wish you well with it

freddie
("honour")

Hi T!

What a great start to a thriller novel! Gripping premise, and your pitch is very well done.

In the last paragraph of your prologue, I wonder if the first word should be "Daybreak" rather than "Day break..."

Your characters and plotline seem very thoughtfully crafted - I can see this appealing to a wide audience! Great stuff - on my shelf!

Kim
Invisible Justice

something is stirring in the woods.

I like this. Brilliantly ominous mood and atmosphere, and an intriguing opening that called to mind images of misshapen, half-seen forms lumbering through the trees.

A few issues - you sometimes overwrite and there are a few spelling mistakes ("erupted", not "irrupted") but nothing that spoiled my enjoyment of your work. With a strict edit this will be something truly special, and I'm happy to back.

Jonathan Watts
Dread Fist

This is absolutely my game - mysterious things stirring in the woods, old traditions and tribal warnings....lovely shiver down the spine stuff. I think the first chapter is a little overwritten and some of the old standard rules (that I've learned since I've been here!) might tighten it up. For example, show us the horse and mule's behaviour rather than tell us. Make sure your adjectives really work - advice is to cut them and adverbs out unless really necessary. What is 'sha' trapping? Tighten it up as tight as tight can be - for eg, you repeat the information about his fading trade.
Chapter Two and Three move much more smoothly (often think this happens - know it does with mine) and you're into a cracking yarn.
I think this needs some editing, a bit of work but has massive potential.
I'm very happy to back you with it.
Jane (Walker)

Hi T. Allen, This is a hearty story, and impending in action. I especially liked your characterizations and then, the invention of the Big Foot tribe is a fantastic plot. You’ve captured the challenges and the roughened personalities of these mountain men.
I did wonder at the 385 pounds for six-foot eight at the start. That’s hefty! And then the splitting up of compound words: pinpoint, somebody, daybreak, trustworth, would-be. That stopped the flow for my reading.
I laughed aloud several times and enjoyed this story – Shelved Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

These beasts would scare the shit out of my class - I don't care if it is a horror book for adults - it would have them gripped!

Seriously - you have a fine grasp of the descriptive and the scene is set very early on. I would imagine all the chapters are relatively short judging by the amount you have uploaded. I like that. I will shelve happily and return for bite sized reads over the next few days!

Pete