THE DARK INTRUDER (Complete with approx. 145,583 words.)

Dear Emma, an epic saga that is sumptuously told with parables that are plausible and professional. I was easily captivated by your command of such a cautious period. You paint a clear picture with your words that helps the reader more relaxed and always unperturbed, even though your undertones are sometimes moving. A masterpiece, if I may say that deserves as much recognition as your recherche of elucidatory events. Great dialogue and descriptive text. It was the passion of a true paramour that made me, not want to put your book down. Good luck and best wishes, and please look out for my future support. You have all the hallmarks of a seasoned writer. Take care, Cicuta. [ Carl, Arcane ].

Ch 1.
Exciting stuff. We are in the time of THE LEOPARD are we not? Garribaldi?
This chapter has great pace and the details of the journey are convincing, esp the focus on the steam locomotive, 2-2-2, flanges a-squealing etc. I also enjoyed V's reflections on London. She is intelligent, informed and been lucky to move in high circles. I suppose we might call her a happening kinda chic today. I imagine the mere mention of ball gowns is, for millions of women readers, as evocative as the mention of AK47 is for many male readers. And V has certainly lived the dream of the age. But, in the best of romantical traditions, her life is being turned upside down and she is being drawn back short of money to the chaos of a nation in the making, where all is uncertain, esp because of her father's seeming smash. She had it all. She is the little rich girl of the merchant who was on the brink of maybe marrying into the aristo world. Her social inferiors resent her, but wld probably swap roles with her in the blink of an eye. Her concern for her future is reflected in her fretting about her purse, literally. She is on the brink of trouble. But this is also exciting as enything is possible. I thought it very clever how you got your reader to think outside their immediate by having V speculating about her own past, getting outside her own immediate. I cld not also help thinking how things are in S Europe now, with the euro zone economic policies -- which are really there for Germany -- unhinging the economies of Greece, Ireland, Portugal and poss Spain and Italy at some point. There are signs of social stress, anarchy. So your story may be predictive in some ways, too. The writing is easy on the eye and I wld read on, though as a man RF is maybe not my thing. Above all V is intelligent and I wld be curious to know how she plays her hand. *bows*

Dear Emma, Thank you for your very kind comments about Windshadow, and your backing. While here, I've just been reading your book, The Dark Intruder. You evoke so well the 1850's days of passenger sailing that you must have done much research. One small thing, in Chap 3, I wonder if you'd want to leave out 'with my words', after she apologises? I feel it reads more strongly without that addition and especially as just a little later there's talk of 'a war of words', which might become less effective because of the first mention.
A good piece of period writing with a story to match. Good Luck!
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

love the book! It should definately be published. Please finish

To Emma

This is a LOVELY BOOK, WRITTEN ALMOST AS IF A TRANSLATION FROM THE ACTUAL NOVELS AND DOCUMENTS OF THAT ITALIAN ERA, WHICH MANY OF WHICH WERE BURNED BY MUSSOLINI WHEN HE WAS STILL BEING TOUTED BY THE AMUSINGLY FACILE --and strangely once fascist loving --JEW YORK TIMES, AS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW HISTORY. True story. Look it up, he was our Sicilian buddy from 1921 to 1940, but who will tell you that…Tom Brokaw,..? Steven Spielberg...there were no you see Jews being tortured in Italy then...oh wait...They just ignored it all then...

This book reminded me of the best of that school of writing, Manzoni, no low brow praise there, as I am used to giving, as I deep down want to make the true literature of the sun drug when I was a kid and which now has now been recalled by dower sent like porn through the mails, and too, it had a ring of Poliziano and Cavour and some real Cotti and Fumo and Labriola and Croce and many others who I think this woman has read, not to say she is a thief here like most writers of this genre, but then, who dares be so antiquarian as to write about Italy, then or now, as the phrase goes, when we are seeing the fall of a republic as the dumb dagos you laugh at saw millennia ago, with a dithering teetering Severus no less, with his finger up his imperial ass as the milk, sorry, oil laps to the shores.

A lovely Book, which recalled in me a lot of similar aged writings, easily Nicholas and Alexandria which i read as a kid, and of course, much Carlo Levi, which it again has a sepia tinted visual echo.

How SAD, I thought again, here is a woman, a black woman, a cute girl, no less, who has done her homework, and who weaves the scholarship of the etas and days into her narrative in way which frankly a lug like me is incapable , as i use a hammer as a pen, but still, I thought, how very sad that again, the Italian in the Coppola age must look for the occasional black girl to entreat them with a modicum of decency, as the gunman are all busily burping on parade and on cue. My very best to Emma and deep down know, this crowd wouldn’t as i was told on a similar project, would touch such humanisms with a ten foot Column, this from a gonniff trying to be cute. I would have this published yesterday, just for Bonogorio, but then to white men, the only blessing is a bag of money. Presidents too. I have been tying to back away from my angry letters of admiration to these writers, but had to take that chance right there and wish her all the best.

Tony

Hi Emma

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Really good read, you set the scene very well for the time period of the novel.

I like your characterisation and great descriptions - esp of places, and the train journey in Ch. 1 - I really felt part of the crowd on the train.

Backed with pleasure and I wish you all the best.

Clare Morris
The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm

The Dark Intruder - Hi Emma, Historical romance is not really my cup of tea but I thought I would give this a whirl and am glad I did. I enjoyed your opening chapter. You seem to know what you are talking about, which is more than I know about Italy in the 19th century. I would question your choice of some words you use - 'wayfarer' doesn't quite seem right for people on a train. It suggests road travel more than train. 'Fellow travellers' would probably be more appropriate. The use of the word 'conversers' also jarred. People engage in conversation but I would refer to them, maybe, as speakers. Finally, I would cut the words 'nonetheless' and 'notwithstanding' from the description of the train. They make the sentence awkward. Once you have got passed these things the narrative flows quite nicely and I think you have a good story building. Good luck.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man

I enjoyed my read of this book and have starred it. I was a little unsure whether a heart could beat in all body parts (9) but otherwise the high drama of the novel properly encapsulates the age. Super. JRM
A FEAST OF TALES and
GOOD FOR HIM

THE DARK INTRUDER

Dear Emma,
Your pitch beckons someone who has time to curl up and read.
That's not me right now. But I will when i get in my reading zone.
In the meantime I have 5 starred this book- it seems deliciously enticing.
A Zoomer

Hi Emma ' The dark intrulder,

i read the first four chapters of this epic book this morning. and have to say that i could have spent the whole day reading it , The writing and style is just brilliant and makes for a most enjoyable read. Love the poetic and visual type of to the story, and found the train journey to Italy most interesting and got involved in my minds eye.
Dialogue is great and really like the conversational piece as Victoria listened through the train door #
Yes Emma this book has great potential to reach the top
good luck with it
Tom Bye ' from hugs to kisses'
if time you might glance at mine please thanks

Dear Emma,

The Dark Intruder, a smoldering romance of dark passion. Who could resist. especially with such fine research underlying every detail. Beautiful, intelligent writing. Came back to refresh a comment from many months back and rate your book highly. On my WL again. Pia

Emma,
Your first two chapters made for pleasant reading this morning. All nicely redolent of the era, causing me to feel submerged into the scene. Crisp, clean prose. I am interested in reading more and will come back. Starred!
John B Campbell . . . Walk to Paradise Garden

Dear Emma, an epic saga that is sumptuously told with parables that are plausible and professional. I was easily captivated by your command of such a cautious period. You paint a clear picture with your words that helps the reader more relaxed and always unperturbed, even though your undertones are sometimes moving. A masterpiece, if I may say that deserves as much recognition as your recherche of elucidatory events. Great dialogue and descriptive text. It was the passion of a true paramour that made me, not want to put your book down. Good luck and best wishes, and please look out for my future support. You have all the hallmarks of a seasoned writer. Take care, Cicuta. [ Carl, Arcane ].

Dear Emma,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and a half before I forget.

I like the descriptive start: "Seen from above...." that camera shot of the train is well done,
However we don't know from where to where the train is going. This matters as the beginning needs precise coordinates to set up place (even if we learn later on that the destination is Rome)

"Meadows....." that could be moved further up to situate the reader and solve the problem

"She laid back......" here you are telling rather than showing, the reader barely knows this woman, so when you say "pleasant episodes" it doesn't ring a reader's bell. Instead, show a specific episode.

"Victoria had enjoyed......" again you are telling rather than showing. Show rather than name what it means "high standard of life" If you show me, you don't need to name it.

"Her place" again, you are writing sociology here rather than a novel.
What is the difference? The specificity and concrete ness of the event at hand

"To make matter's worst....." that is exactly what I mean. Here you show rather than tell, "made several...."

"Computing...." again here you are showing. If you show me her decision making, you don't need to tell me she has money trouble, her decision making SHOWS that she has money troubles; thus, no need to spell it out.

If you don't show you miss the language of the epoch. Historical novels are basically science fiction in reverse, that is they live by their ability to create an alternative reality thus transporting the reader to a place he has never seen before.

How do they do that?

Through the specificity of language that comes from showing rather than telling. Thus the reader's mind gets trapped in the descriptions of dress code, train, shopping customs, etc, and as he does he is transported into an alternative reality. Just like RK Rowlings revels in the description of Harry Potter's world, look at the detail in Henry James "Portrait of a Lady" , the way Flaubert revels in the descriptions of Madame Bovari's dresses, Maupassant's descriptions of dinner, not to mention Proust or Balzac both likely to spend at times 3 pages on description alone.

and you do know how to do it

Here are some examples:

"Hovering like cotton wool"

"walls of wharves"

"at the Regency"

"outbreak of cholera"

"coal fired stoves"

"Napolitanan steamer"

what you need to do is inundate the reader with this type of historical specificity.

If you think this helps you, feel free to check back with me, if you need a second opinion on other specific matters of style.

Overall, wonderful

David

Emma, you have a great vocabulary and a great way with words. This is not the kind of story that interests me but I can see that it is very well written. At one point in Chapter 1 you use the term "bated breath" I'm not sure about British English but in American English I believe it would be "baited breath" but to be honest I'm not 100% sure. It might be worth looking up.

Ch 1.
Exciting stuff. We are in the time of THE LEOPARD are we not? Garribaldi?
This chapter has great pace and the details of the journey are convincing, esp the focus on the steam locomotive, 2-2-2, flanges a-squealing etc. I also enjoyed V's reflections on London. She is intelligent, informed and been lucky to move in high circles. I suppose we might call her a happening kinda chic today. I imagine the mere mention of ball gowns is, for millions of women readers, as evocative as the mention of AK47 is for many male readers. And V has certainly lived the dream of the age. But, in the best of romantical traditions, her life is being turned upside down and she is being drawn back short of money to the chaos of a nation in the making, where all is uncertain, esp because of her father's seeming smash. She had it all. She is the little rich girl of the merchant who was on the brink of maybe marrying into the aristo world. Her social inferiors resent her, but wld probably swap roles with her in the blink of an eye. Her concern for her future is reflected in her fretting about her purse, literally. She is on the brink of trouble. But this is also exciting as enything is possible. I thought it very clever how you got your reader to think outside their immediate by having V speculating about her own past, getting outside her own immediate. I cld not also help thinking how things are in S Europe now, with the euro zone economic policies -- which are really there for Germany -- unhinging the economies of Greece, Ireland, Portugal and poss Spain and Italy at some point. There are signs of social stress, anarchy. So your story may be predictive in some ways, too. The writing is easy on the eye and I wld read on, though as a man RF is maybe not my thing. Above all V is intelligent and I wld be curious to know how she plays her hand. *bows*

I read your pitch and thought of Emile Zola ... he tended to focus on personal confusion and choas in dramtic timees. It is as if we are random actors in some drama that none of us knows the outcome of. Times are more settled now for most middle class folk in the west, I stress most, not all. Maybe that is why hitorical romance has such an enduring appeal. We can escape our settled lives and imagin ourselves adventurers on the storm-churned Ocean of Love, where all is possible.

Emma,
A great opening, introducing a dynamic scenario straight away. Victoria fit s the role of historical heroine very well, and the language of 'Dark Intruder' has the perfect tone for this story.
Andy

Dear Emma,
Thank you so much for backing the Slumber of Brynhild, I appreciate it soooo much! I would really love it if you gave me some feedback, because you obviously have the historical fiction voice down! Wow, I am so impressed. I love your story line and the character of Victoria. I already adore her and cannot wait to read more of her adventures. It is refreshing to see another historical fiction voice out there amongst us young ones :) Thank you again and I will place this on my watchlist until I have room on my bookshelf in a day or so...
Kayla

.[Hi Neil, thanks a lot for your suggestions. The Dark Intruder is being edited at the moment, and will be updated soon. As for the phrase "in good mooring"; yes mooring refers to boats, ships and all that but it also describes elements providing safety and security] Emma,

I have had The Dark Intruder on my list of promised reads since the middle of July, but have only just reached it. Apologies for the delay, but my list has grown and grown, and I've had trouble keeping up!!

I'm now trying to get through as many as possible, which means I'm not able to read as much as I would normally, nor can I comment as much as I usually do. However, here goes.

Chapter 1 is very long, you convey the atmosphere of the period well, but I feel it could be cut down in length without detracting from what you wish to say.

I have always been told, 'if it doesn't advance the story, leave it out.'

Whilst I understand the need to let the reader learn something of Victoria's family, especially the situation in which her father now finds himself, I feel it's taking too long. The detail is overstated, and that affects the pace. Be careful with your phrasing, that too can introduce unnecessary words. One small example,

. . . the situation in the country had gone very bad.

could be stated more simply, by

. . . the situation in the country was bad.

Yes, that's only two words cut, but that's two out of nine, almost thirty percent. If that can be applied to the whole chapter, it becomes considerably shorter without losing any of the detail though, having said that, I'm not convinced that all the said detail is absolutely necessary.

Whilst on that subject, in your fourth paragraph you state,

She hoped to find her father in good mooring.

Good mooring? Perhaps I'm missing something here, but what are you actually trying to say? To me, a mooring is somewhere a boat owner secures his boat.

Next, point of view.

This chapter is written from Victoria's point of view, yet you state

. . . Her eyes bore the gauzy beam of concern, . . .

which is written from the point of view of someone watching her (she cannot see into her own eyes), and mixed points of view in any one scene should be avoided. There's another example of this a little later.

Her eyes, half closed, revealed a lidded look of satisfaction.

And, in both cases the phrasing uses too many words.

. . . Her expression was one of concern.
. . . Her eyes, although half close, revealed satisfaction.

Finally, I wondered at first how Victoria was travelling in this chapter, then saw that it was by steam railway. 1853 seemed a little early for this mode of transport to be extensively in use, so I had a quick 'google' to check on the history of steam railways. They were certainly around by the 1850s, but only from about 1825 onwards. Your description of part of the route, twisting as it cut through protruding hillsides, implies that laying the track would have been a considerable engineering feat. Would that have been possible within the time-scales? Just a thought.

To sum up, I believe that this can benefit from a careful, and ruthless, edit. The pace will improve and encourage the reader to move on.

Neil.

Emma,

I have had The Dark Intruder on my list of promised reads since the middle of July, but have only just reached it. Apologies for the delay, but my list has grown and grown, and I've had trouble keeping up!!

I'm now trying to get through as many as possible, which means I'm not able to read as much as I would normally, nor can I comment as much as I usually do. However, here goes.

Chapter 1 is very long, you convey the atmosphere of the period well, but I feel it could be cut down in length without detracting from what you wish to say.

I have always been told, 'if it doesn't advance the story, leave it out.'

Whilst I understand the need to let the reader learn something of Victoria's family, especially the situation in which her father now finds himself, I feel it's taking too long. The detail is overstated, and that affects the pace. Be careful with your phrasing, that too can introduce unnecessary words. One small example,

. . . the situation in the country had gone very bad.

could be stated more simply, by

. . . the situation in the country was bad.

Yes, that's only two words cut, but that's two out of nine, almost thirty percent. If that can be applied to the whole chapter, it becomes considerably shorter without losing any of the detail though, having said that, I'm not convinced that all the said detail is absolutely necessary.

Whilst on that subject, in your fourth paragraph you state,

She hoped to find her father in good mooring.

Good mooring? Perhaps I'm missing something here, but what are you actually trying to say? To me, a mooring is somewhere a boat owner secures his boat.

Next, point of view.

This chapter is written from Victoria's point of view, yet you state

. . . Her eyes bore the gauzy beam of concern, . . .

which is written from the point of view of someone watching her (she cannot see into her own eyes), and mixed points of view in any one scene should be avoided. There's another example of this a little later.

Her eyes, half closed, revealed a lidded look of satisfaction.

And, in both cases the phrasing uses too many words.

. . . Her expression was one of concern.
. . . Her eyes, although half close, revealed satisfaction.

Finally, I wondered at first how Victoria was travelling in this chapter, then saw that it was by steam railway. 1853 seemed a little early for this mode of transport to be extensively in use, so I had a quick 'google' to check on the history of steam railways. They were certainly around by the 1850s, but only from about 1825 onwards. Your description of part of the route, twisting as it cut through protruding hillsides, implies that laying the track would have been a considerable engineering feat. Would that have been possible within the time-scales? Just a thought.

To sum up, I believe that this can benefit from a careful, and ruthless, edit. The pace will improve and encourage the reader to move on.

Neil.

Emma,
I'm sorry I've taken so long to get to reading your book, and doubly sorry that I found it such hard going. I hate to be negative, but have to be honest that I couldn't make sense of much of it. Sentneces such as the one beginning ' Pillar of exhaust breath belched...' were particularly difficult to understand. In some places it seemed a mix of good English and that of a writer for whom English was not their native language. If that is the case here, then I'd suggest finding someone to help you with an edit. If it's me failing to understand a deliberate style, then I apologize, and wish you luck with this,

Margaret

love the book! It should definately be published. Please finish

Not a period of history I'm familiar with but now I'm hooked. Nice detail, cracking read.

Hi Emma

I like your setting and the situation in which you place your heroine. I don't know anything about 18th c Italian politics, but the conversation of the people in the train certainly brought it to life. I have concerns that your English is not quite smooth and idiomatic enough for publication. It's not exactly ungrammatical, it just reads oddly, on occasions with flowery phrases that are too ornate and on other occasions almost childish (eg toot toot choo choo for the train). These are things though which working with a good professional editor should sort out and I do hope you will persist as I think you have the makings of a good historical romance here. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

I find I am drawn in by the language of your first chapter, the movement of the landscape, sensual images, and an intriguing story line. I will be reading more of this. The long pitch intrigued me, but gets repetitve and a little confusing three paragraphs from the end. I would certainly remove one of the "tangled web" references, and shave down the paragraph beginning with "She arrives." Delete everything unnecessary and render the message, the main thrust of the storytelling, in a single sentence here, much like your did for your short pitch.

Emma, this is running beautifully, particularly with the images you give in each paragraph. One critique i had which helped me much was to watch for the overuse of adverbs and restated thoughts. Culling through each sentence is helpful. Like dressing up and then taking one piece of jewelry off, as a rule, to streamline.

Ex: "...she whispered in a rush showing her frustration." Rush already suggests frustration. no need to tell us it shows her frustration. Or say, "she quickly whispered, frustrated."

Hope this helps, as the advice did me?

I am charmed by your details. The world you are describing jumps out of the pages and the lady who I am following feels like a real being holding my hand and guiding me through the mazes of her life. Extraordinary. There is power and there is grace - in your narration. The visuals and the historical accuracy are laudable. It seems like a well researched book. Let's get this published. Backed.

Lush writing, Emma N. Ibegbulem, but (honestly) it is your "me" page that caught my attention. Why don't you write about you? I'd love to read that, but I have spent a lifetime reading bios and memoirs, so that's my bias.

Backed and best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(Please have a look.)

Love the phrase sour in their virginity, this reads like bronte and chaucer, that sort of old style where the it seems the characters are talking to the reader like they are chatting like oldd friends, Victoria seems to have depths that society will not accept from a lady, a certain ballsiness that she was born in the wrong time. I can see the train and its snotty passengers, still like the gung ho victoria. very good indeed

Hi Emma,

This does look like a very interesting book and one that I will certainly read when the pressure of the next few days is gone. Single woman, epic, perilous journey, dark stranger, major historical upheavals... it all resonates perfectly with the historical novel I'm writing now (my second book). I'm backing your book on the strength of your pitch. I will also comment and hope I might interest you in taking a closer look at Waiting for Myself.

Good luck Emma!

Anjuli

Dear Emma, Thank you so much for backing my neglected "Call Home the Child"--neglected because it's the second book shown on my page. Your support led me to your novel "The Dark Intruder," and I read the first chapter with admiration. You've painted a vivid picture of the Italian countryside in 1853, weaving in some essential background, a lifelike portrait of your heroine, and poignant details of her unfortunate circumstances. In short, you've set the stage for a romantic novel, told with literary and historical depth. I will gladly back it now and try to return soon with further comments. Meanwhile, I wish you'd take a look at my love story, "The Doctor of Summitville," also set in an interesting historical period, the Great Depression in America. (This is my only book that has a chance of reaching the editors' desk, unless I start over and feature one of the others.) Thanks again, and the best of luck with your writing Bill

You have a flow to your writing that engages, bringing us quickly into an introduction with Victoria, a woman torn from her way of life even as she heads into the unknown. Dialogue felt very realistic for this time, as did the actions of your characters. I find it very easy to back this. Good luck.
Jenny

Dear Emma
I just wanted to let you know that I have finished this read and really enjoyed it. Solid writing skills and I wish I had half your talent. I have already backed this book and commented so just taking the extra time to let you know CONGRATS
Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, Emma! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Great attention to detail in a part of the of the world I truly love. You have recreated it ina way that tickles my memories! Great dialogue and story. Backed with pleasure!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Emma,

Two thumbs up for your book.

This book gives the reader a window to the realties of life, love, romance, danger and fate. The story line is purely substantial. The narration technique is strong to pull the reader to keep reading and unveling the messages that it spreads. Transformation of characters is believable and facility of langauge is superb. Attention to details and good research capture the mind of the reader. I hope this finds a good publicher very soon. I believe this book well deserves a spot on my booksehlf. BACKED.

FLETCH
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND

I felt as if I had gone through a time warp as I read the first chapter, not only with the story itself but also in the style of the writing. This could almost be one of the classics I used to lose myself in when time was not so pressing and I was so much younger. I personally loved it but do have reservations that in the supermarket book selling era in which we now compete whether it will have enough general appeal. Modern readers, like modern film goers, seem to want crash-bang action, little plot, and couldn't care less about detail and authenticity. I hope I'm wrong and wish you the best of luck. I backed your book because I liked it and stand in awe at the quality of the writing.

Hi Emma,

I read most of the book and for the most part thought it was well written and based on that will shelve it.

I wonder if using less narrative which goes on and on for pages and pages might move the story along faster. Dialogue sometimes seems stunted and overwritten.

Best of luck,
Bobbee

thanks 4 backing my novel interesting hook line sinker in your pitch ... I've backed yours..

Dear Emma,
This is fine read in which your descriptions paint vivid images for the reader. However, historical novels, are not my first choice, so I don’t feel particularly well qualified to comment. All I would say is that I enjoyed what I read. Your style is easy and accurate, and the story/characters involving. I’m sure it deserves backing. Good luck with it.
Rheagan Green – Unwelcome Reflections

The dark intruder.
A well done opening, and a great pitch.
Backed.
Lenny
(Like a dot on the horizon)

Nice romance. I like it. Backed.

THE DARK INTRUDER. EMMA.
what can i say after reading the first chapter, only good things that are well deserved. it will go on my list to read more. so very authentic and creating a real feling of of Vicoria's journey on the train through the valleys, how creative are your descriptions . as she head towards 'the twilight days of the grand episode of her life' with lines like that , mind boggling stuff. destined when published for the school' ,must read exercises. this is good, very good.
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Excellent writing and very compelling premise!

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

I loved your passionate pitch so i backed your book - thanks for backing my book - good luck !

Hi Emma
This is really well written and seems so credible so you must have spent a lot of time researching the era and the likely language people would use. An intriguing plot with some charming characters. Nicely written.
DP Walker
Five Dares

eye catching and a heart touching start. you dont need more than this for your book to get published soon. well done and good luck.

Shah

You capture the essence of the mid 1800's in Italy superbly. Your use of short paragraphs and excellent use of imagery keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely and this holds the interest of the reader. You build the character of Victoria well and your discriptive writing makes your historical saga a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Good evening Emma, You have a well written piece here. I only read chapter one but I found it quite interesting. You have a way of setting the scene in a manner that lets us see what is going on around the characters. Your diologue is very good giving us a further look into your character. Well done.
Nick
Invasion From Within

I love historical novels, and have the greatest respect for your ability to write this. The research needed seems mind boggling to me! Best of luck with it. Backed. Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

The Dark Intruder Chapter 1 give me a sense of having just dropped off a cliff into a different century, which in fact is what I think the author intended. Very effective. Backed.

To Emma

This is a LOVELY BOOK, WRITTEN ALMOST AS IF A TRANSLATION FROM THE ACTUAL NOVELS AND DOCUMENTS OF THAT ITALIAN ERA, WHICH MANY OF WHICH WERE BURNED BY MUSSOLINI WHEN HE WAS STILL BEING TOUTED BY THE AMUSINGLY FACILE --and strangely once fascist loving --JEW YORK TIMES, AS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW HISTORY. True story. Look it up, he was our Sicilian buddy from 1921 to 1940, but who will tell you that…Tom Brokaw,..? Steven Spielberg...there were no you see Jews being tortured in Italy then...oh wait...They just ignored it all then...

This book reminded me of the best of that school of writing, Manzoni, no low brow praise there, as I am used to giving, as I deep down want to make the true literature of the sun drug when I was a kid and which now has now been recalled by dower sent like porn through the mails, and too, it had a ring of Poliziano and Cavour and some real Cotti and Fumo and Labriola and Croce and many others who I think this woman has read, not to say she is a thief here like most writers of this genre, but then, who dares be so antiquarian as to write about Italy, then or now, as the phrase goes, when we are seeing the fall of a republic as the dumb dagos you laugh at saw millennia ago, with a dithering teetering Severus no less, with his finger up his imperial ass as the milk, sorry, oil laps to the shores.

A lovely Book, which recalled in me a lot of similar aged writings, easily Nicholas and Alexandria which i read as a kid, and of course, much Carlo Levi, which it again has a sepia tinted visual echo.

How SAD, I thought again, here is a woman, a black woman, a cute girl, no less, who has done her homework, and who weaves the scholarship of the etas and days into her narrative in way which frankly a lug like me is incapable , as i use a hammer as a pen, but still, I thought, how very sad that again, the Italian in the Coppola age must look for the occasional black girl to entreat them with a modicum of decency, as the gunman are all busily burping on parade and on cue. My very best to Emma and deep down know, this crowd wouldn’t as i was told on a similar project, would touch such humanisms with a ten foot Column, this from a gonniff trying to be cute. I would have this published yesterday, just for Bonogorio, but then to white men, the only blessing is a bag of money. Presidents too. I have been tying to back away from my angry letters of admiration to these writers, but had to take that chance right there and wish her all the best.

Tony

Dear Emma, Thank you for your very kind comments about Windshadow, and your backing. While here, I've just been reading your book, The Dark Intruder. You evoke so well the 1850's days of passenger sailing that you must have done much research. One small thing, in Chap 3, I wonder if you'd want to leave out 'with my words', after she apologises? I feel it reads more strongly without that addition and especially as just a little later there's talk of 'a war of words', which might become less effective because of the first mention.
A good piece of period writing with a story to match. Good Luck!
Backed, Ann Mynard (Windshadow)