Glory and Twilight

Hi Tony. My My, you have created something rather wonderful here. I loved this and I demand people to read it.

BACKED INDEED.

Hope you get the chance to peek insside The Russian Hat!

warm wishes
Brendan

I slipped into this story with ease, carried by your deft way with words and fine descriptions. I was absorbed by the battlefield scene and eager to read on. Sci Fi. is not always of interest to me but there can be exceptions and I must say, I enjoyed this. Original idea, unusual names and imaginative writing come together in this and offer the reader an intriguing read. I did notice 'frond-clusters' appeared in fairly close succession but now I really am being pedantic! Happy to shelve this. Margaret.

BACKING because Simon Swift did and I trust his instincts. Those pitches look perfect as well. Think you can make it to the Ed's desk. I'll swing by later to give you a right and proper comment.

Do look forward to your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Hello Tony

Right up my alley! Great pitch, really got my attention, and chapter 1 is a winner. Real characters imaginatively presented, interesting names.

Typo second para chp1: 'the irony hadn't escape(d) Sheref'

I like this and wish I had more time to read all of it! Shelved.

All the best
Elaina

Dear Tony,

Stopped by your pitch.
Instantly warmed to the writing, which drew me into the story. Great lines: ... spit flew like shards of brokent glass ... and the worlds created ... He vomited, but instead of falling to the ground, the vomit shot into the sky.
Unique characters, Sheref, Twilight and her sisters, one of blood, Silent-Water, and one by choice, Moonlight-Daybreak.
And the interesting turns: Sheref had come to expect and wish for Father Moon-in-Absence's presence.
And the little hints shining through the premise: ... 'Does earth not love us, as we love it? And does earth not hate us, as we hate it? ...
Complex battles, of course I want to read on, about The Third Tribe, and what happens among the soulless.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Glory and Twilight

Hi Tony,

Great start, into the action on this alien world. But it is more than simply a science fiction start, there is a great hook there as well and also a good piece of characterisation. You do human detail well in the first chapter, there are intriguing subtleties touched upon which give us tiny pieces of information with which to fill in the detail. You don't get caught up in the imaginative romp in a way that is distracting, two suns, hey, this is science fiction, but two suns described in a way that you might actually have seen they are put across so well. Good, gritty, dirty science fiction, we're not talking super-humans or superior beings here with silver craft, we're talking humans in the future, struggling, sweaty and scared. A great premise, backed without a second thought.

Best wishes and good luck, I would welcome your thoughts on my book if you have the time.

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Tony!

I'm certainly not an expert on sci-fi or books about wars and battles, but I believe this piece of yours has a lot of potential. The descriptions you weave into this is really impressive! The action and battle scenes you've woven will keep your reader engaged and turning the pages. Great job with this - backed!

Kim
Invisible Justice

I like the way you mix combat writing -- "Shut yer gob!" is my favorite line -- with individual inner monologues on just what is going on. That, after all, is what real war is about -- the battle with their victories and losses, and the men fighting them, with their fears and triumphs. The only other POV is from the generals who, as Tolstoy said, watch the battles from a hill and have a completely different POV.

Your writing itself is clean and to the point, which I like (I have a thing against unnecessary descriptions). Your dialogue is quite good and seems to fit the character saying the lines, which is critical. Finally, one other point: this is a very cinematic story, the scenes can easily be visualized, which may stand you well with future screen sells. Shelved.

A fascinating pitch Tony! And a great first chapter! I am looking forward to reading more and am happy to shelve in the meantime! Good stuff!
Simon

Love chapter one will post more as I read.
Kc
The Mysterious Legend of Vladimir

Tony

The word 'report' features twice in your opening, I'd change one, or shorten , eg.
tragedy, the report maintained otherwise.

The phrase 'of course' seen it a couple of times,,,, it was never needed, narration flowed better wtihout it...

You have quite a few 'just' and 'that' and 'and'

eg.
The eyes of the two men locked, and in that moment. Sheref understood that the centurion was about to order .......................Their eyes locked, in that moment, Sheref understood the centurion was about to order .....................

It's a small point I know, but if you slip in alot of unneccessary 'little words' they will all add up...

Fabulous storyline , no problem with the dialogue and speech qualifiers.....A great read.... Shelved

Tony, excellent premise and pitch for its genre, and you write with great imagination and attention to detail. Great read and I feel its truly a character-driven story which will make it stand out among all the others. The plot looks intriguing too. Backed with pleasure.

Who can resist a book with crotch-scratching in the third paragraph?
Your backed, man.

Tony,
Excellent writing. I expected a sci-fi space ship battle and was I surprised! This is down to earth war of a melinium past. And you make it all sound so real with the Sheref's armor itch and Twilight's worry. Love the character names, sound like American Indians: Silent Water and Moonlight-Daybreak. The work is so well edited I couldn't find anything wrong, and I usually do. This is a great read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

Hello Tony,

I have to admit that sci-fi doesn't feature among my top genres, but I enjoyed your story.The pitch made me determined to find out what the story is about and the opening chapter left me musing. It is an amazingly imaginative story and cleverly weaved for that matter. The plot is compelling.This is a story that I am glad to back.
All the best.

Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Intriguing title. You write well, with great sensory details, good dialogue etc. I noted a few things: occasional archaic word like 'visage' vis a vis 'dumping on his subordinates' - modern, stood out in the mix. I wondered about Roman-style soldiers in your futuristic setting (what, Rome got out there?) Also, 'Slinks' - seemed funny to me (sorry). In that vein, 'carry on lads' sounded more like a Carry On movie (ie dated speech) than anything.
'Swallowed a nervous mouthful of dry saliva...etc.' sounded awkward. Better, maybe: 'tried to swallow but her throat was dry'? Very promising start. All the best for your writing, backed.

Hi Tony, I love this sort of premise, and this premise in particular. You prose is so easy to read and effortless, communicating a lot of info in a paragraph...words well chosen. Would a semicolon work better between long suffering and half-dead? At first I read half-dead as part of a continuing list. I'm going to back this now and will try to read more later. Cheers, Helen.