Book Jacket

 

rank 2474
word count 11637
date submitted 01.10.2009
date updated 25.10.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

The New Town

Hanna Butler

He’s lost his wife, but he won’t let them take his son.

 

A third of the population died in two devastating outbreaks. But for the survivors, the suffering endures.

In a new society divided between Immunes and the Non-Immunes, the Council Enforcers rule with brutality, deceit and Directives.

Almost ten years after the death of his wife, John loses his job and his fresh water on the same day. With the Enforcers closing in, and his wife's questionable past stirring the darkness inside him, John must find a way protect his only son before it's too late.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

big brother, council, debut, dystopia, father and son, female author, fiction, first novel, future, illness, immune, loss, non-immune, nurse, oppressi...

on 4 watchlists

87 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
OliverJai wrote 208 days ago

Love first couple of chapters and have popped onto my watchlist to read when I finish the current book. Given you 5 star rating and may up that as and when I get back to your story. Sue

Telegraph wrote 604 days ago

Awesome opening that engages us from the first word. The plot is compeling and intriguing and crafted to make words explode off the page. C W

zrinka wrote 608 days ago

Enjoying the book so far and will pause to comment. It's a very fast paced and interesting read. The characters are so well crafted they jump off the page. One can really identify with them.

Andrew Burans wrote 638 days ago

You have written a very compelling and interesting storyline and I like your use of foreshadowing in the first chapter. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice and your character development of John. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. This and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

andrew skaife wrote 641 days ago

Obviously too late to add anything useful for advice that you don't have already.

BACKED

homewriter wrote 641 days ago

Great story. Reminded me just a bit of The Stand by Stephen King but take that as a complement! Well written good character development. That's why backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Owen Quinn wrote 715 days ago

Excellent pitch that sucks you right in and the parents immediately jump to protect the kid from being taken. The outbreak virus has been done before but this makes it feel fresh with its concise writing and myriads of details that paint the world you have created. Backed with pleasure.

SusieGulick wrote 767 days ago

Dear Hanna, I love science fiction thriller & am prepared for anything.. Your blurb is good because it prepared me to read your book. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

lionel25 wrote 769 days ago

Hanna, a most enjoyable first chapter. I am not sure about that last sentence in the first paragraph. Kind of sounds like you are in Peter's point of view a bit. Or maybe your intent is to switch POVs by the paragraph. Anyhow, this is a good read.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

carlashmore wrote 770 days ago

Hi Hannah
Gosh, this is imaginative stuff. I love your pace and the fluidity of your writing. There is also a fierce intelligence to your themes. I found it utterly accessible, thought provoking and brimming with ideas. This would also make a great film
Backed with pleasure
Carl
The Time hunters

jamesmac wrote 776 days ago

Hi Hanna
James McPherson here from group C of fair critters…

Chapter 1

Good opening (too quick a transition from PETER to THE BEAST I thought, but nevertheless a fine opening scene setter.

Chapter 2

Another good chapter, well explained - and the paragraphs spread out and nicely paced. The impression of the lengthy period of time passing is explained well.
As a reader, I’m very much into this.

Chapter 3

Describes well through the eyes of the main character, how this post infection society works, Hanna.
Shows how it works, instead of just telling.
Very believable this society - you’ve cleverly used the WATCHING CROWD to reinforce the social differences between the IMMUNE and NON IMMUNE classes.
(some things never change eh?)

Chapter 4

Again another very good chapter (I felt though you could have split the narrative up from the dialogue a little better, in the opening exchange between John and Tony)
That apart I think this is a well written, exciting piece of work.

A hint of 1984, Fahrenheit 451, and Solent Green in the story.

An enjoyable first 4 chapters and I’d like to read more Hanna.

I wish you the best of luck with this - certainly enjoyed what I read…

Wilma1 wrote 779 days ago

Hannah this is excellent. You have such a strong opening line and the fist chapter was brilliantly written. It was both scary and horific. You have a great tallent and this is a skilfully written book. Best of luck

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

micmcd wrote 781 days ago

Fair critters for chapters 1 - 3:

I like the time lapse; it keeps the reader moving through everything and gives background without resorting to info-dumping. I was blown away by the first chapter; everything felt so crisp and enticing; I was left wanting to know more. There was a break of a few days before I got to chapter 2, and there was a huge difference between the two.

The POV change was fine, but there were many parts in Ch2 where I got confused as to what was happening. It is supposed to be (sort of?) a dream / flashback, but there were moments where things don't make sense. Why is the narrator following the ambulance for a bit, noticing that the EMTs have the "mysterious blisters" as well? Did the shock make Angela's friend go catatonic?

The sequence of meeting Angela also felt like a little too much; I don't mind the "Angel" name (only b/c he goes on with it), but she feels too flawless. I'd love to have a sense of her other than "perfect woman."

Chapter 3 picked up to me where Ch1 left off. There was a certain intensity to it that Ch2 lacked. There was also a bit of confusion; for a little while I wasn't sure whether or not Angela was alive (it sounded for a bit like they were going to wake her up). I like the dystopia; it has a very real feel to it, and I love the blase reaction of Sammy to the horrific violence exacted on the woman trying to harbor dogs.

One last bit - though ch 1 through 3 do an excellent job filling the reader in on the background, and you definitely get a feel for setting, after reading those chapters I have no idea or no hint as to what the plot is going to be. Is the narrator searching for some sort of cure to the plague? It doesn't seem like it. Will Sammy be threatened? I didn't notice any foreshadowing there either. There's plenty more for me to go in this book, but I find it a little odd that I don't think I have any hint of what the overall story arc is going to be based on.

Hope this helps - I think that overall you have a great start to the story with a wonderfully detailed and real protagonist. The mystery of the plague is very powerful as well, and I think this story can really start to pick up and move.

Michael McDuffee

Teric Darken wrote 784 days ago

Wow, Hanna! You waste no time in hooking the reader in with your opening chapter! The suspense you build and intrigue you unfurl is second to none! The sprockets & cogs within the reader's mind crank and turn, pondering: What is this strange illness that is eating Peter up from the inside out- as well as infecting small children and the community? How will this disease/monster be cured? What is the meaning of Ser-rain? What will become of Beth after her attack? Is she now infected and will she survive?

Great stuff, Hanna! Kudos on The New Town, a captivating thriller! Backed!

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100: "Music to Die For!")

Black Hat wrote 786 days ago

A FAIR CRITTERS REVIEW FOR CHAPTERS 3-6

LEGEND:
> MEANS I WOULD CHANGE TO
(brackets) MEANS I WOULD ADD THE WORD IN BRACKETS
ANYTHING IN QUOTES IS FROM YOUR BOOK
MY COMMENTS ARE IN CAPS (NO, I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU!)

CHAPTER 3
"I forgot..."> I'd forgotten

"of low sun(light) filtered"

"the sirens I(had) heard"

"perching myself against" ONE PERCHES ON, NOT AGAINST

I BELIEVE "BLONDE" IS GENERALLY REGARDED AS FEMININE, AND BLOND AS MASCULINE

"sugar-ladened>laden cartoon cereal."

"the earlier glimpses of sunlight were>had been"

THE TENSE CHANGES FOR THE PARAGRAPH BEGINNING WITH "I remember this area as it was."

"A mound of unopened mail had acquired >accumulated"

"...and one of the support chains had rusted through" THIS REALLY DOESN'T BELONG IN THIS SENTENCE. I THINK IT WOULD BE HAPPIER IF IT WAS SPLICED INTO THE NEXT SENTENCE.

"They hoisted her lifelessly..." THEY WERE NOT LIFELESS, SHE WAS, SO PERHAPS SAY "she landed lifelessly" LATER ON IN THE SENTENCE.

"pealed>peeled the back off of..."

"after Peter Lappin's discovery> after Peter Lappin's body was discovered"


I BEGAN THIS REVIEW BY NOTING MOST OF THE THINGS THAT COULD BE IMPROVED, BUT I ENCOUNTERED A LOT OF PROBLEMS THAT REALLY INTERFERED WITH ME GETTING THE FLOW OF THE STORY, SO I MADE SPECIFIC NOTATIONS FOR CHAPTER 3 ONLY. PERHAPS I WOULD HAVE BENEFITED FROM READING THE FIRST 2 CHAPTERS, BECAUSE CHAPTERS 3-5 FELT KIND OF AIMLESS TO ME. I UNDERSTOOD THAT SOMETHING CALAMITOUS HAD HAPPENED, BUT I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE THE STORY WAS BEING DRIVEN IN ANY PARTICULAR DIRECTION. FINALLY, IN CHAPTER 6, JOHN LOSES HIS JOB AND FINDS HIS APARTMENT VANDALIZED, AND I BEGAN TO GET INTERESTED IN WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

THIS STORY CERTAINLY HAS PROMISE, BUT I WAS CONTINUALLY DISTRACTED BY TYPOS, WEAK GRAMMAR, AND POOR WORD CHOICE. THE CONCEPT IS GREAT, BUT QUITE FRANKLY I WASN’T BLOWN AWAY BY THE EXECUTION. STRENGTHEN THE WRITING AND YOUR BOOK WILL BE ABLE TO REACH ITS POTENTIAL.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND YOUR BOOK.

CHEERS,
BLACK HAT

Natalie Jones wrote 786 days ago

Wow, great first chapter. Why did poor Peter go all Mike Tyson on Beth? (LOL) Obviously I'll have to read on to find out.

" . . . her blood dripping from her (his) chin."

Backed and the best of luck.
Natalie

klouholmes wrote 788 days ago

Hi Hanna, This was very involving, the writing swift and penetrating in the storyline. The plague sounds like a plague from ancient times and Peter’s actions were really horrifying! The guy with Angela described a night of chaos and despair for his new future. I read this up and because of the fine storytelling style. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

HannaB wrote 788 days ago

Fair Critter Review from Julie Farkas
Hanna:
This is a great plot. I love everything about it. You write almost well. Poor grammar, odd word choice and conflicting writing styles sabotage every paragraph, and sometimes every sentence in a paragraph. I beg you to fix these. It's too good a story. And you can conjure up a scene to support the plot.
There are three writing styles attempted in your work: Lyrical, action packed, silent horror. You are most effective when you write in the style of silent horror. This type of writing is un-embellished, spare, devoid of adverbs, adjectives, and lyrical detail. This writing is like a news story. It is most effective when the horror of the situation is central to the story.
Here is an example of a sabotaging attempt at lyricism: "wept seventeen shaded of gray." That would be lovely in a "Girl Interrupted" memoir. Not here. I could go on, but I won't. While you are editing, I think you should always ask, "What is the simplest way to describe this?" Your plot is one of the few where less is much, much more.
You also need to really think about the logic of some scenes. In the first chapter where Peter and Beth struggle on the couch, you have described him as emaciated, weak, sickly, almost comatose. In the middle of this struggle, you describe HER strength as deceptive. ?????
In the third chapter, you describe the coffee as thick, foul smelling coffee-clay like substance. Why in the world is he drinking it? How is he drinking it? Doesn't he need a knife and fork?
This is a great story. Tell it as close to "reporting" as you can, and it will blow the reader away.
Julie Farkas

yasmin esack wrote 792 days ago

Mind boggling thrill of a read. You have this so well. Clear and exciting at the same time.

backed with pleasure

nboving wrote 800 days ago

Not quite sure why I say this, but it seems to me that this should start with Chapter Two - Chapter One could come later. The imagery in Two is very powerful and reminds me slightly of "Rebecca", though of course the context is wholly different. That being said, it's a truly great idea and very well written. You engage the reader quickly and don't let up.

Backed.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") - Horror

Conny23 wrote 800 days ago

The first chapter was great. It had me wondering what would come next, but then you switched to first person. I think the whole story could have been written in third person, and you write so well in that perspective. That could be just a personal preference though and I'll defeinitly back it.

Damien.

Beval wrote 800 days ago

This was really quite frightening and made more so because of the terrible under lying sadness.
Very well crafted and readable,

pinkcoffee wrote 800 days ago

Great storyline which you portray fantastically. I wish you the very best of luck. kind regards pinkcoffee 'In The Moment'

Jim Darcy wrote 801 days ago

Read chapter 1 to 4. This is a very classy tale, well written, definitely scary and with plenty of hooks. You have created some well-rounded characters and situations which elicit strong emotions from your readers. Did not notice any glaring typos etc in a stylish thriller. Very cinemagraphic. (Damn, just had a senior moment - can't remember the exact word but you know what I mean!) Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

missyfleming_22 wrote 802 days ago

Oh my, this is very thrilling! It's a very unique idea and I loved it. Your descriptions are dark and kinda scary. Definitely a refreshing thing to read, it's very polished. I felt like I was reading the script for a movie, it was that visual. I really enjoyed this.

Missy

bonalibro wrote 803 days ago

This has a thrilling opener, that does what it sets out to do.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

bonalibro wrote 803 days ago

This does what it sets out to do.

Would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Snpdrgon wrote 803 days ago

eeeee!!!!! so far, so scary!!! well done.

Lisa~
Brewer House

Ransom Heart wrote 803 days ago

Exhilarating and credible. We'll all Breachers in some fashion.
Backed.
thanks,
Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

lizjrnm wrote 803 days ago

I want a copy of this book when it getrs published - wow - this is one of my favorites so far! Well crafted and so imaginative that I'm envious! BACKED without question!

Liz
The Cheech Room

meemers wrote 803 days ago

This is both dramatic and suspenseful, meticulously constructed to capture the reader...well done.

Fate's Chastening

Burgio wrote 804 days ago

This is a true thriller. Good characters living in a scary, scary world. Especially frightening because this scenario could really play out this way. Backed. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

BDNelson wrote 806 days ago

What a great story, and so well written, wish I had time to read more. This book should be on store shelves! Backed.

BD Nelson
Abigail's Cries

snave wrote 806 days ago

Brilliant writing with a tightly woven plot that deserves its rightful place on any bookshelf - congratulation. Andy
When Spirits Break Free

Butler's Girl wrote 807 days ago

THE NEW TOWN
Hannah,
This is a great read, and a fantastic plot i might add!
I found myself wanting more dialogue and this is the only consructive criticism I have.
Apoligies if there is more dialogue in further chapters.

Tightly written, scary, full of suspense and tention... a real page turner!
Congratulations on writing a fine novel
Alison Butler :)

lynn clayton wrote 819 days ago

Can't improve on previous comments, the plot and characters are all there. true thriller. Backed. lynn

Jon Doe wrote 820 days ago

great stuff. good luck with the edit altho it's a pretty tight MS

happypetronella wrote 827 days ago

Don't have much more to say than "Excellent!" and backed.

HannaB wrote 831 days ago

Hi all,

Technically I'm still "away editing". But I'm reposting Chapters a few at a time to help with proofing. Any feedback is still welcome.

H x

nboving wrote 832 days ago

Hannah.
I generally have three requirements for backing a book. It has to capture my attention with the first couple of lines: then I’ll read the first page. If it still holds me, promises a good and well-told story with good characterizations and truly believable dialogue, then I will happily back it.

“The New Town” ticked all those boxes and I’m putting it on my watch list right away until I can make room on my shelf.

Nicholas (“The Warlock”) – Horror/Thriller

LawsonBlacklock wrote 942 days ago

What a great and tightly written thriller. I really think this is fabulous. Outbreak meets I am Legend meets melodrama. Very nicely plotted and a real page turner. Your characterisations are apt and you leave us wanting to know more, but without being left in the lurch. Very classy and a refreshing entry on Authonomy. I normally steer clear of this sort of thing, but I think this is a book I would buy. All the best. L.x

Bob Steele wrote 944 days ago

The New Town is a new take on an old theme that opens with real drama and tension. The narrative flows well and you create believable characters, natural dialogue and good hooks to keep me turning pages. This will appeal to sci-fi fans, and so I'll back it.
I have a number of thoughts for the editor to play with. The pitch seemed a bit thin; I didn't get a clear picture of the world I was about to enter [When? Outbreaks of what?] and I had the same problem getting oriented in the early chapters. In C1 the points of view seemed to move between the nurse, the man and the woman - and why were they nameless? C2 & C3 were more compelling in the first person style and with a better balance between narrative and dialogue arriving in C3. Hope this helps. All the best.

C.P. wrote 948 days ago

The New Town

That was a powerful first chapter. It doesn't take long until you know there is something brewing and it isn't good. The sick husband and the wife that looks at him as if his better parts are just a memory. And children dying from who knows what. You have the reader before he can take a breath. Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

lawdog wrote 948 days ago

I read ch 1, 2, and 7.

Ch1--"Seemed to shudder" Did he shudder or did he not? Avoid precursor phrases like this, as well as cliche types such as 'Like a bullet.' The chapter works otherwise. Great hook with the sick man spitting out the flesh he bit out of the woman. I had no idea how hard he bit her until just then, and the image of the whole thing had me hooked pretty quick.

Ch2--Check your script for unnecessary pronouns and other troublesome words like 'that' and 'had.' This was a great pace, highly relevent for both sexes in common experience, made me think back to my own days in all of that wild teenage stuff. Might want to look into when cameras were introduced into cell phones. Don't know if it fits into your time frame here, but I might be wrong. If ch2 sets the tone and pace for the rest of your read, I'm sure it'll do fine.

Ch7--Bringing us back to the present now, made me wonder what all I had missed about the plague.

All in all, a great premise that's been done before hundreds of times, but this looks like a fresh take on it. I'll welcome it to my shelf for a bit.

Carrots wrote 948 days ago

There is a George Orwell 1984 feel about the first chapter. Maybe 'The Andromeda Strain'. The reader knows something awful is wrong, and the author captures that feeling brilliantly. In Ch. 2 there'a moment of warmth and then the unremitting horror starts again, invoking folk memories of the Great Plague. I have no suggestions re. possible improvements. This book has been very carefully worked out and written and it shows. Backed.

Helena wrote 950 days ago

Hi Hannah, this is really interesting and there is a gripping story here. I have read the first two chapters sitting up in bed with the night firmly set outside my window and I find myself wanting to lock the bedroom door! My mind is also wandering over the possibilities of something like this happening and I'm quite sure my dreams will be filled with dying men spitting chunks of flesh or bloated bodies with blistered lungs!. You have written a very believable and finely tuned story and if I was brave enough I would read on.
It is definitely on the shelf!
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Jill H. O'bones wrote 951 days ago

Great story chapter 1 wonderful gives suspence.. Chapter 6, gives insite to the characters.

Backed

Jill

lynn clayton wrote 952 days ago

Hanna, stories like this always worry me, especially when they're as well-written as yours. But it was a joy to read because of the quality of the writing - compellingly believable, or vice versa. Only one suggestion: don't, as you value your life, call a prologue a prologue. Make it chapter 1. Very good wishes,
Lynn

Sheila Belshaw wrote 952 days ago

Hanna,

An intriguing premise that promises a page-turning read. I don't think you need the italics for the prologue; it is a slight distraction in an otherwise excellent piece of writing.

You have developed a style of writing that is absolutely perfect for this genre. You handle the first person deftly and the prose flows lyrically and smoothly, so I felt that you probably wouldn't mind if I make a couple of observations that you might have missed.

The sentence '. . . and took the towpath; me, her, her friend Mark . . .' would flow even more smoothly if it did not have the word 'her' repeated. You could say ' . . . me, Angela, her friend Mark . . .'

. . . saw the girl sitting on the grass .. . rather then sat on the grass

. . . the object lying on the river bank . . . (it's always been jolly confusing to me that lie and lay are so similar in meaning, but the verb lay is only used when followed by an object )
I lay stiff for a moment

Best of luck with this, Hanna. I shall watch its progress with interest.

Backed.

Sheila (Pinpoint)



Pia wrote 952 days ago

Dear Hanna,

It has been said that water will be the next gold. Not surprising than that politcs would revolve round such precious resource.
A captivating theme, and the excellent writing made me read on.
... God smiles at the Non-Immunes ... , of course they're good for business. LIke our drug companies and the NHS thrive on illness.
You've set out the scene. This promises to be a thrilling read.

Pia (Course of Mirrors)

12