The Midwinter Child

What can I say? This is the kind of story that made me fall in love with reading as a child. Your opening is spot on...beautiful language throughout without being overly verbose...lots of wonderful detail...this will undoubtedly resonate with your YA target audience (and, I suspect, adult readers as well...it certainly hooked me). This is the sort of adventure that every kid dreams and wishes could happen to them...and it touches on something magical - no pun intended - that has been lost in many contemporary YA stories. Beautifully done. You've got me. Can't wait to see where you go with this.

Backed with best wishes,
MA Hoak
The Secret Diaries of Alex Barnett

P.S. Would love to hear your thoughts on mine. :)

Flicka, this is a classic. I can see it on the TV every Christmas already - you'd better crack on and finish it - or else. The atmosphere is all there, the magical wonder of a kid's world, a special, secret world is beckoning, I could go on, but I can't because it's your story and you need to finish it - please. Keep going - Chris1

As a teacher, I am always on the lookout for new, exciting fictional tales to read to the children. Where you have pitched this I could see it being the kind of story that 11 year olds would enjoy but proably more suited to the 12 to 15 market. Am I thinking along the same lines as your good self?

#you have the perfect opening. The family and friend bond, the element of danger, the mystery and excitement and then the early hook/cliff hanger. If this was in print I would buy and read to my class tomorrow! (well, next week as its half term :-)

backed with pleasure - Pete

This is a brilliant book. I so want to read on and, not just find out, but live through, what happens next. The best children's books are those which adults can also read and enjoy, like the Narnia books or Alice in Wonderland. The Midwinter Child is definitely one of these. The characters come easily to life, the plot is 'believable', given the usual need in a fantasy for willing suspension of disbelief, and it grips from the start. There is plenty of action, the pace is fast, and the language contributes fully to this, being clear and straightforward. I really love this book, and wish it all success - which I fully expect!
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

This is sure to be a children's classic after reading a bit. I will sit down and read some more tonight. Will comment more tomorrow. Best of luck!

I just read the first chapter, and it was great!

Excellent reading!


backed

Hi FJ. Nice clear use of simple language that is used to evoke a vivid picure of time and place. The dialogue is natural and appropriate, the characterisation light and deft. The feeling of foreboding is developed subtly and convincingly, not overworked, and the menace is established economically. The pace seems just right and the mystery is set in motion in a manner that doesn't feel forced.

I was puzzled as to why an archaeologist should have a dinosaur bone though, that is the province of palaeontology.

Other than that, nicely written, keep writing. I hope this succeeds for you, I've always been a sucker for Arthur. KA.

This is good, though I have to say I'm surprised only a couple of people so far have commented on the similarities with Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising. All through the first chapter I sat muttering to myself that your story had far too much in common with it. The boy with the birthday in midwinter, the unexpected snow cutting the village off, a mysterious Watcher, the absence of birds, the precious gift and the archaeologist uncle who drives like a lunatic: it all piles up. However I'm happy to see as I read on (and I did read it all, though at top speed) your story does take its own exciting and fascinating direction; and as your writing is pretty good, I'm glad to BACK you after all!

Very enjoyable and has been backed with pleasure.

Dawn
My Friends and Me / Sammy and the Wise Willow

I really like this. Backed.

Dear FJ
I have not idea how i missed this book when I first came on this site. It is a marvel, so well written and is focused around an era that I love. I have not read it all but will carry on. at the present all the little red arrows are pointing down and I can only assume this book, being so good is on the rise so I would like to get this book of yours backed to assist it on the climb to the top.
Backed for sure my me. ..I would really appreciate it if your would look at my book, COMMENT , and back it. If not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter

The story is very compelling. Your wonderful book captivated me--you have a very strong opening, I found it easy to get into it--it maintained my interest throughout.
Best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

The Midwinter Child

I like stories that don’t jump straight into the ‘crossing the threshold’ they give time to build and grow.
One thing I did notice you have used little descriptive sound in your narrative, to me (emphasis on me) it would have strengthened the scenes.
This is a great story, for me, well told. – Good luck.

This is interesting and well written. Not easy to find a fresh angle on Arthurian lore, but you seem to have done it!
Well done.

Rachel

Great story! I'm going to go and buy a copy when I'm next in town.

Backed January 13.

Jesse - Savant

http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

Charming. It has the same genuine voice of precocious children that made Harry Potter so popular. I am into anything Arthurian so I may get back to it, but, in the meantime I wanted you to know that I thought it well written and an intriguing tale. Best of luck.

hi f.j. this is a magic tale and the title suits the feel of the story. The descriptions of a winter-landscape are lovely and the warmth of a nice place with friendly people gives a good contrast to the cold. The tension rises slowly and the dark elements are decisively introduced to make us really curious while you achieve a good transgression from a state of childhood naivity to the era of adult responsibilities. Our culture lacks rituals for this time in a person's life and your book addresses the need to mark the crossing. Backed.

Flicka,
Love the title of this book. And the pitch. And the writing style. And charm of your MC. Ooh, and a quest? Love it. Love it all. So glad to hear The Midwinter Child is published. Congratulations!

What can I say? This is the kind of story that made me fall in love with reading as a child. Your opening is spot on...beautiful language throughout without being overly verbose...lots of wonderful detail...this will undoubtedly resonate with your YA target audience (and, I suspect, adult readers as well...it certainly hooked me). This is the sort of adventure that every kid dreams and wishes could happen to them...and it touches on something magical - no pun intended - that has been lost in many contemporary YA stories. Beautifully done. You've got me. Can't wait to see where you go with this.

Backed with best wishes,
MA Hoak
The Secret Diaries of Alex Barnett

P.S. Would love to hear your thoughts on mine. :)

I got round to reading your 5 chapters you posted here.

The use of the first person really throws the reader into the action. I note also that you keep our hero in the dark - which is good to increase the dramatic tension and level of excitement. As a reader, I want to find out more and more. The slow reveal of information kept me hanging on to find out what happens next. The spooky characters are nameless and threatening in an anonymous way. This is a great technique - the unnamed threat.

Good luck with your work. I've enjoyed having it on my shelf.

Quenntis

Congratulations!

Dear FJ Reid,

Thank you for sharing a free sample of your PUBLISHED story with us. You weave a story that young adults (and adults) can enjoy with colorful phrases like “trees white as if Mum had dredged them with icing sugar.” When the protagonist preps to throw a snowball at Callie, I had nostalgia for Calvin and Hobbes. Only, in this case, your protagonist is older than Calvin and more sympathetic.

I really like your premise of waking up King Arthur with Excalibur. Also, in the later chapters, it’s spooky how dark figures appear in photos with the MC. And your action scenes move at a good clip.

Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling
Ghost Warrior, the Stealing

Ooo! Fancy waking on your birthday with your parents missing and a big sword on the end of your bed, what a start! You don't hear enough old legands woven into modern stories these days, so it's nice to fingd someone keeping them alive. The language you use is clearly aimed at youngsters, something that i have seen adult writers fail at!
The promis of a scary, mysterious adventure awaits for anyone who cares to join in. A little editing is neede here and there, but that's not my big thing so i shall say no more.
I can back simply for the promis of a great tale. Just like the tale of Arthur in the first place.

Hi F.J.! I have just finished reading your first chapter. Your premise promises a compelling fantasy adventure and you are well on your way to achieving that end. However, I do think you have a tendency to overwrite and this temptation must be conquered. I know much about overwriting as I suffer the same affliction and am constantly battling it, myself. I have made a few comments, but please know I am no expert. However, many on Authonomy have told me that I’m pretty good at this. Lets see what you think.
CHAPTER ONE: In the sentence that begins ‘Then, I just thought that…’ I would delete ‘Then’ to add tension. ‘It could only really have happened on that day.’ Delete ‘really’, again, for tension. Delete ‘the man Dad telephoned told us.’, too, for tension. The sentence that begins ‘Outside our house…’ is too long and would carry more tension by simply saying something like ‘The lane in front of our house was deep in snow because the plow didn’t come around often enough.’ You tell us a bit later, anyway, that the plough came on the day before your birthday, so you don’t need to say it here. Later, why not just say ‘The village looked like a Christmas card.’ First, you told your reader, regarding the mysterious man, ‘he was watching me.’ But a bit later you tell us ‘Had she not seen the man watching us?’ I would stick with ‘us’ as how would he know who the man was watching, when he and Callie were in basically the same location? ‘her voice exactly matching her appearance.’ Round and squishy? If you mean friendly or jolly or comforting, then tell us that. The paragraph that begins ‘There were no birds…’ is very well written and full of tension. Delete ‘behind me’ also for tension. Delete ‘the flap maybe of dark clothing’, too. All of the paragraphs telling us of his walk home are very good, with the exceptions that I mentioned. You stick to what is happening without much commentary, and that is a very good thing. However, do delete the last sentence of this scene, the one that begins ‘And it was my fanciful imagination….’ Your smart reader already understands that he is thinking that he might have been imagining things. ‘I awoke early the next morning, because it was my birthday’ I would simplify this to ‘I awoke early on my birthday.’ Your initial description of the sword is excellent. Though, later, I would delete ‘I shut my open mouth with a clack of teeth’ as it seems a bit extraneous. Also, delete ‘I stood by their bed, looking down at it’. For more tension, just start off with ‘The bedclothes were…’. The last part of this chapter, when he knows that someone is in the house, is an example of excellent literary tension. You draw the reader in to the boy’s emotions and have the reader hoping against hope that all will be fine. But, alas, your last sentence of the chapter tells us nothing is fine, after all.
Well, that is it. Except to say that I wasn’t going to back this, due to the overwriting in the beginning of the chapter. However, your last scene was so expertly done that it showed me you do have the talent to pull this off. You have many opportunities, in the beginning of the chapter, to add tension. Go through every word and sentence, making sure that each moves your story forward. If not, delete, delete, delete. Also, I think that you should split this chapter into two, the second one beginning when he woke up on his birthday. Additionally, try to find ways to include more dialogue throughout as it speeds up pace, where narrative slows it down…a balance of each is best. Also, I feel I should caution you as to your many uses of ‘-ly’ words such as ‘really’, ‘shortly’, ‘luckily’, ‘satisfyingly’ and many more. In almost every case (with the possible exception being dialogue), a sentence becomes stronger and carries more literary tension when these pesky adverbs are deleted. Try it and I think you will see what I mean. One more thing…you have started too many paragraphs with ‘I’….explore different ways to start off a paragraph. I hope you can decipher my comments and I hope that some of them help. Stick with this and I promise you, with some honest editing, it will soon be just the thing that any agent or publisher would want to snap up. Good Luck and I’m backing this right now…..

This is an excellent book for the tween group. So many children known nothing of the old Epics and this is a nice way to bring it to them. Shelved.

Janice (Blood of Eden)

Flicka, apologies for taking so long to get to your book. Obviously, it's a great story and you have a knack for telling it. Even though, I'm way beyond in years to be reading children's books, this one has a very special charm.
Backed.
Hunter.

An interesting take on the King Arthur stories. I'm sure this will be very popular with children. Backed.

What a strong voice..and I love it being in the first person............you can "see" everything thro the eyes of a young person...this deserves to be published...an excellent story and well written.......

my only nit, and it's small...I wonder if the chapters are a bit too long and would help if they were shorter...by that I don't mean cutting out words but having more chapters, if u see what I mean....anyway well done and congrats on an excellent plot...
David Saving Starfish.......

I came to this through someone else's book shelf but was pleased I took a look. It is in Narnia territory which I adored as a kid. Looking forward to reading more, Jim D

Wonderful, original premise, and I love Alex' character. I loved the introduction to Callie - how he says she's his best friend but not girlfriend. It made me laugh. :-)

A few comments:

Pitch:
Commas needed: "With the help of his best friend(,) Callie(,) he runs from the menacing Watcher..."

Book:
I'd remove "much" from this sentence: "My four much older brothers and sisters had all left home..." It takes power from the sentence and is repetitive since it is quickly understood that they're much older if they've left home long before his thirteenth birthday.

One last grammar comment: go through and remove all the unnecessary "had's." "'had' all left home" "in London 'had' bit by bit become more empty" etc. The second paragraph in the book especially has a great deal of them.

This is off to a great start - I like where it begins. I definitely think it has enough intrigue and interest to keep people of many ages reading.

Shelved.
Andrea
The Key of Kilenya

A great sense of mystery and a good cliff-hanger at the end of the chapters - children will love this!
I love the wintry setting.
Good luck with it. On my shelf.
Alison (Uneasy Rider)

This shows an excellent balance of action and dialogue. You're working the first person POV effectively too. I have no problem with the narrative, and the gradually gathering sense of foreboding is going to keep people reading.

This feels highly publishable.

I notice that you list Narnia in your bio. Have you spent much time with Lewis's That Hideous Strength? Lots of Arthurian lore there. I've read all of Lewis's fiction, along with much of the rest of his oeuvre, and this remains my favorite novel of his.

This is great...you have a very smooth style of writing that is easy to follow and get involved with the story. My only advice for you (if you are interested) is to watch out for redundancies and occasional word-repetitions. Other than that I have nothing to point out. I could envision all that you wrote quite easily and the story flowed well. Good job!

Hi,
I've only just finished the first chapter, but you play the suspense well! Your main character is well fleshed out as well.
Just a few things before I move on to the next chapters (hopefully you don't object to my nitpicking, just message me if you do, and apologies are contingent):
-"Uncle Max excelled himself" sort of stuck out to me- maybe exceeded, or "had outdone"...
-some capitalizations, like Runes and Dark, are suited to the genre but not so much to the setting of the exposition
-"obviously" and "duhhhh" seem redundant

Thank you for sharing! Wonderful read, and I agree with one of the people before me- there's no age bracket on this, which is a great thing.
By the way, if you ever read anything of mine, by all means feel free to pick it apart.
-estrago

Hi,
I've only just finished the first chapter, but you play the suspense well! Your main character is well fleshed out as well.
Just a few things before I move on to the next chapters (hopefully you don't object to my nitpicking, just message me if you do, and apologies are contingent):
-"Uncle Max excelled himself" sort of stuck out to me- maybe exceeded, or "had outdone"...
-some capitalizations, like Runes and Dark, are suited to the genre but not so much to the setting of the exposition
-"obviously" and "duhhhh" seem redundant

Thank you for sharing! Wonderful read, and I agree with one of the people before me- there's no age bracket on this, which is a great thing.
By the way, if you ever read anything of mine, by all means feel free to pick it apart.
-estrago

I am backing this because I believe it is genuine quality writing, and I'm impressed. If you'd like a few details, message me. I'm sorry to say my time is not my own, what with 125 students in my charge and twin granddaughters only a year old but so lovely they already can get me to do anything they want.

I hope you get to the ED soon.

Bill

This is fantastic. I've just read it from start to finish, and I really hope you will upload more chapters so I can find out what happens!
The writing is fluid and natural and allows the exciting plot to move quickly. The main character is instantly likeable and the other characters around him are believable and interesting.
I have put this on my shelf, and look forwards to reading more,
Anna

Hi Flicka

Congratulations on your well written, entertaining and "hooking" story.

I know it is supposed to be for youngster but am I allowed to stay I love it.
good luck
Tamara
PS will back it later need space on the shelf first.

The description of the walk to town makes me feel like I'm there: a kid outside on a snow day. The characters are fun and interesting: Callie (and later Uncle Max). And then there's the suble tension between the idyllic holiday card feeling and that slightly sinister undercurrent that intensifies on the walk home as the landscape turns creepie. All of this makes for a great introduction to "the ordinary world." Then with the disappearance of his parents, the sword-gift, and the reappearance of the stranger, Alex steps across "the threshold" into a shadow world - and the adventure begins. Great first chapter. It makes me want to keep reading.

Great story and an excellent beginning to a new tale with the sword Excalibur. You set up a great world here and I like the use of the note. You have the making of a great epic tale. I like your writing it is mooth and easy to read and your character really comes to life on the pages. I ike the use of the first person. It is something that is not easy to do, but it works for this story and you write well. I can see you put a lot of thought and effort into it.

On the shelf!

Good heavens - you're an enchanting storyteller! This is an instant classic. Capisce? Not just for children, but for adults, too, like me :-) Utterly effing fantastic. But then you've flown up the ranks in a matter of weeks, so I'm one of many fans.

Is this finished? Do you have an agent? It sounds like you've not been feeling well, so I hope you are better soon... so you can keep writing!

Shelved, of course.

Flicka,

I’m stopping after the first chapter, only because my lunch period is nearly at an end. This is wonderfully written and so atmospheric. I found myself wishing I was bundled up and drinking a hot cocoa as I read it. I would have eaten this up as a kid (oh, who am I kidding? I’d still devour this book whole if it were in front of me).

For Alex’s sake, I hope your man in black is more benevolent than mine.

Best of luck! ~Steve

Not what I usually read, but I read enough to know the writing is great and I can see why the ratings are so high.

Happily backed.

Trish
'Miranda"

Flicka, I don't usually read fantasy so I'm not sure how to crit it, but this comes across as very real and will appeal to your target audience. It would even make for a delightful Christmas film. Makes me wish I was a child, again. :-)

Your writing is very visual and the snowy English setting is appealing.

It may only be me, but I'd thought your MC was a girl, until I read, - Not my girl friend, you understand.- Maybe make it known earlier?

Just a few typos scattered here and there. These >> after, - on my tummy and stand still?

Check where you have full stops at end of dialogue where you should have commas, like here? "Don't walk under branches." Mum had admonished me... and - "Don't walk on drifts." Dad had said. - Maybe, "Keep away from branches," to avoid repetition of Don't walk? Also a bit too much of the 'haditis' and 'thatitis' usage. ;-)

This is a lovely children's story but I think a bit of pruning would make this even better? Just an example, here.

- from seeing who it was that had done that to her. - from seeing who'd thrown the snowball?

All the best with this, and it's already shelved. :o)

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

I'm sorry on two counts, because I've only got time to read one chapter, and because I can't help comparing this to Alfred Kropp.

This is obviously a different beast. It's well written, and it's a timeless tale. I hope it does well.

Good luck,

Craig

This is wonderful. Just what a young mind needs. x BACKED.

You had me at Excalibur. It is strikingly visual and beautifully crafted. And you mention so many wonderful places I've visited! I loved this. It would make a great film, too. Shelved.

John
Blackthorne Faire

Hi Flicka -

your style reminds me of Alan Garner, whom I loved to read when I was a kid. You've got Alex's voice down perfectly too - my personal favourite line from chapter 1 is 'Except by her mum when she's cross with her'.

Anyway, I read all six posted chapters. I hope you've written more - I think this is definitely publishable. Going onto my shelf.

Martin

I backed you this afternoon, but after placing you on my shelf for almost an hour, it doesn't look like your rating has changed.

FJ, this would be such a treat for YA (well, everyone, really) that I hope it's a success. And so beautifully written, so smooth in structure yet rich in description. The fact that it's a re-telling of a well-known myth(Excalibur) is a good selling point from a publisher's point of view - most people like to know what they're buying. Shelved. Lynn

Great atmosphere and, as others have said, reminiscent of Tolkien and Harry Potter. I want to read a bit more before backing it but have it on my w/l.
Just a few comments up to now. I think you have a lot of unnecessary words sometimes (someone alerted me to this in my book),
e.g. "I'd been born ........but I'd never before had snow on my birthday" could be "I was born ......but I'd never had snow on my birthday". Perhaps you could change from past perfect to simple past a lot of the times. "It soon began to make life difficult for us."
Also three "bit"s in the first 2 paragraphs.
I love the description of the snowy forest!
With a bit of polishing up this will be a best seller (and, I see most of us hope, a movie). Looking forward to reading more. Lozza (The Cameo)

Great atmosphere and, as others have said, reminiscent of Tolkien and Harry Potter. I want to read a bit more before backing it but have it on my w/l.
Just a few comments up to now. I think you have a lot of unnecessary words sometimes (someone alerted me to this in my book),
e.g. "I'd been born ........but I'd never before had snow on my birthday" could be "I was born ......but I'd never had snow on my birthday". Perhaps you could change from past perfect to simple past a lot of the times. "It soon began to make life difficult for us."
Also three "bit"s in the first 2 paragraphs.
I love the description of the snowy forest!
With a bit of polishing up this will be a best seller (and I see most of us hope, a movie). Looking forward to reading more. Lozza (The Cameo)

FJ,
I liked the mood of this story--the deep winter setting, the mysterious dark Watcher, the disappearing parents. The plot line, with its Arthurian connections is also very engaging. I did want a little more at the beginning to convince me that this could really happen in a modern-day village. The godfather who brought it all about was described as a little strange, but the note that accompanied his birthday gift was WAY out there. Maybe a little more background on him or some descriptions of his past behaviors that hint at the Excalibur connection would help. Anyway, this should make an exciting read for the young-adult market. Backed.