Dark Island

DARK ISLAND
This is an interesting story. You have good characters in Zach and Tanner. Their curiosity about the creature and why they explore this mystery is understandable. Makes it a good read. I think you’ll find a young teen audience for this who will enjoy reading a book about regular kids rather than vampires or demons. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Hi Ben,
This is a good story - shelved

I liked the prologue a lot, lots happening, drama, good scene setting. I had more problems with Part 1, which seemed a bit flat. This is something I rarely say, but there may have been too much dialogue and not enough description of places/emotions. You need to make more of incidents, like finding the beach empty, make it eerie, more of meeting Earl, of the dogs being silent/absent.

These are powerful strangeness's, you need to give us the kids reactions and describe things. You leave it almost entirely to dialogue and at the moment I don't think it quite works. It doesn't need much more to make it work, just the odd description to creep out your readers. Anyway, that's my opinion.

Good luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

I read this the other day but somehow neglected to comment or shelf. To me it seemed something that would grip the young reader. Right from the start the play with the readers curiosity. Keeping his interested, making him want to go on. This is a promising read. Good luck with it.
Connie

Good one Ben! Backed.

Hi Ben,

Somewhere in my Authonomy meanderings, I came across your book and popped it on my watch list. I had a moment tonight and decided to give it a proper look.

First off, it's great to see another New Englander on the site (*waves* hello from New Hampshire).

As for your book, I read the prologue and the first chapter, and I think you do an excellent job of scene setting. Your pacing is good, and I was curious enough about the mysterious animal to want to read to the end (if time allowed). I do have a couple of small suggestions - one, I think the prologue might flow better paired with chapter one, and set apart by extra space (or some fancy doodle type thing) - I was surprised we were still in the current time line, since I always picture a prologue taking place some time in the past. Second, you repeat the line about the animal being like no other animal Tanner/Zach had ever since - maybe try rephrasing one instance. Other than that, happy to pop this on my shelf!

~Traci
Tangled Web

Ben

i read your prologue.....I'd take out the line.....

Something wasn't right about that scream !!! There is never anything right about a scream....

Also the middle of chapter one, sees Tanner meeting Zach on the beach, which effectively brings us back to the prologue....Usually a prologue propells the reader to a hook in the book, something the reader is eager to reach and discover more about......

I was surprised that the prologue scene was repeated on the following page ?

Well written, good dialogue, evenly flowing plot development...

Shelved with pleasure.

I read your prologue and then chapter 5 and 6. Overall I liked the dialogue and how you introduce the settings. The tension with the FBI is well protrayed. Nice transition between the chapters. The vocabulary you use is easy to understand and perfect for the target audience. I plan to share this with my son - it's that good. Best of luck to you.

Hi Ben, have just finished reading through until end of chapter 2 and this is good! It moves well and the characters are firmly established in my head. The writing is clean and the plot sounds great. It sounds like something you would see on TV. I can almost see this as a film.
If this is your first attempt at writing, you have a natural talent and a fantastic imagination.

Glad to put this on my shelf.


Well Done and Good Luck Ben.

Frank. (island 42)

Hi everyone! Thanks for the continuing comments...I'm moving "up" the rankings (to the 800s!) I will get to reading and backing other books soon -- things at work (and in life) are a bit crazy right now...but I haven't forgotten about you!

-Ben

My 13-year-old son would like this - it's got that 'yuck' appeal with the grotesque animal puls realistic teenage characters and believable dialogue. Didn't spot any problems. Great stuff for the YA market. Backed.

Ben, this is well written. The main characters felt authentic and your use of current technology, ie facebook, iphone made each scene more genuine and current. A good beach read.

I'll back this.
Patricia Fulton
ton ton macoute

Dear Ben,

This is competently written and flows really well. Zach and Tanner are very believable and the plot is excellent. As mentioned by ZAP below, it's perfectly pitched for young adults. I wish you all the best with this. Backed!

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

hi ben , in my view this YA is perfectly pitched, easy flow, interesting start with good build-up of tension and an exciting plot. One small suggestion : When the creature is first seen, how about starting with a gestalt description and then the body, rather than the tail? But that's just nitpicking. I really like the story and shall put it on my shelf shortly.

I think you handled the suspense of the creature washing up and the curiosity of the boys very well. Zach and Tanner seemed real and your use of description to paint a vivid picture is excellent. I really couldn't see anything to give input on accept I wish I had more time to read more right now. I will come back to see what happens.

Enjoyable read. Best, Sana

Dear Ben,

Dark Island - suspense from the word go.
I wondered about the ongoing rhythm, maybe variations to allow a breath, just a thought.
It seems CH 6 is a repeat. I'll wait for more.

Backed for now
Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Everyone, thanks so much for your comments. I really appreciate it. Things have been crazily busy around here, but I'm going to keep plugging away at my watchlist, I promise!

Ben

hey,

great book

amazing

that's all i can say o describe it

So I am bumping along reading this and think to myself, "Geez Louise this is a long freakin' chapter." Then I realized all the roman numerals I passed meant something. :(
Clearly I should call it a day. My lack of observational skills lead me to believe my head cold has got the best of me.
That said, I loved this.
it is exactly what I imagine 10-14 year olds would be reading, I also think it is something that would fly off the shelves. It starts with a bang. weird thing shows up on the beach, boys intrigued piqued.
I like it when the abnormal is set within the normal. And that said, i think you did a great job at making this weird thing that is washed ashore seem realistic. Welll the reactions from the on lookers that is. I dont know how realisitic a pig like beaked animal is. :)
Backed.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Ben, this is stupendous writing. Now am I right in thinking ninth grade would be around age 14?
I am seriously impressed. I read a lot of YA and this is (IMHO) pitch-perfect in voice and language and premise. You keep us firmly in Tanner's POV and both he and Zach are superbly drawn characters, utterly believable. You take equal care with the peripheral characters too and evoke place well too. Heck, is there anything you can't do? Oh, dialogue - yup, spot-on too.
It is exactly my kind of book - weird stuff happening in a very real world. It's gritty and raw and totally believable.
Sorry, I don't have any useful crit or even any nitpicks. If I were an agent I'd be snatching it up.
Backed without question.
Jane
WALKER

A terrific opening, sharply drawn characters and great hooks. Well done.
Frank

I just had to come back for another chapter. It sounds like the boys are really in for big trouble now. Have to keep reading. Great story.

Trish

Thrilling. I just couldn't quit reading. I went through chapter 2 which seemed to emcompass several chapters and am so glad there are more to read. I'm backing this.

Trish

'Miranda'

Hi Ben, I'm going to get back to you on this in more detail directly via your message box, as I think you have a great idea here and sounds cool for your target market. You might need to rethink your title and pitch, but meanwhile, I'm going to back this for potential.

Sarah (A Midsummer Night's Secret)

I'm pressed for time cause I'm getting ready to go to work. I'm backing it now because I know I want to read more - I didn't have time to finish all of chapter two. Peter Benchley here I come . . . . Backing!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly
The Hobble Knobble Gobble Tree

Dark Island

Hi Ben,

You're onto something here, the smash in the face beginning with the word screams in the first line. The flip from Zach to Tanner over the chapter change was fine, but I think it slowed it down a little, I know we need to learn about Tanner and his relationship with Zach but we can do that in the heat of this wonderful moment of tension and change you have created. Character formation on the run in the reader's mind would be really powerful, around the dialogue and through the interactions between them, of course to do this you will really need to know your characters inside out first. A great beginning to a YA book, it starts, straight in, we are not hanging around waiting for stuff to happen and there is immediately buckets of intrigue. You envisage two Y9 lads really well, you might want to consider using textese for their texting exploits to make it more authentic for the YA audience. A powerful, pulsing beginning and I want to know Ben what is going to happen so that must be good. I wonder about the title however, it doesn't seem distinctive enough, okay as a working title, the number of YA books with dark in the title is quite staggering. Anyway, I haven't read enough yet to give you an alternative title suggestion so not sure if it was helpful mentioning at all. Best of luck, this should do well. If you have the time to peek at my book over the next few days it would be so helpful for me at this stage in the game.

Best wishes
Andrew W
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Mike

Thanks so much for the comment(s)! I'm really interested in the "first person" idea; I had originally considered writing the story in first person but had decided to step away from it. However, I think that there are definitely parts that would benefit from a bit of first-person narration...perhaps in italics? I will keep thinking about it.

-Ben

Great story...I enjoyed it all...shelved.
The start is fine..a mystery animal, plenty
of intrigue, charcters introduced in action.
Curious to see how computer connected American
kids are... only problem is in 5 years the book will look dated..
of course the E version could be readily up-dated.
I suppose you've considered putting some of it 1st person
in Zach´s words...
My advice.. insist on the mini details and feelings....
Better leave us guessing than be seen to be 'explaining'.
cheers........m

Great story...I enjoyed it all...shelved.
The start is fine..a mystery animal, plenty
of intrigue, charcters introduced in action.
Curious to see how computer connected American
kids are... only problem is in 5 years the book will look dated..
of course the E version could be readily up-dated.
I suppose you've considered putting some of it 1st person
in Zach´s words...
My advice.. insist on the mini details and feelings....
Better leave us guessing than be seen to be 'explaining'.
cheers........m

Great story...I enjoyed it all...shelved.
The start is fine..a mystery animal, plenty
of intrigue, charcters introduced in action.
Curious to see how computer connected American
kids are... only problem is in 5 years the book will look dated..
of course the E version could be readily up-dated.
I suppose you've considered putting some of it 1st person
in Zach´s words...
My advice.. insist on the mini details and feelings....
Better leave us guessing than be seen to be 'explaining'.
cheers........m

If you need a critical comment let me know; if not, then enjoy the backing!

I could use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC Cavazos
The Obergemau File

Ben,
I let my daughters (13, 15) both have a read and both (the younger more vociferously) wanted more.
Backed.

Believe me, Adelie, I appreciate your comments! The fact that you're "old and English" is not a mark against you in my book; in fact, it's always useful for me to hear how someone from another country and another generation sees my writing. The grammatical style of the book is purposefully loose, but I hear what you're saying. (My father, who has been a syndicated columnist here in the U.S. for 25 years, feels the same way!)

Thanks for the shelving, and take care!

-Ben

I don't read very much kids' stuff, but this isn't half-bad. It's full of modern cultural reference, so I'm given to wonder what sort of shelf-life it might have, but at least it's current for kids, and it seems not to patronise them, which is a common problem.

I think I'd want to improve the rhythm with a really solid grammar edit, but I'm old and English, which was never going to work in your favour.

Shelved for promise, and I wish you luck,

Adelie High (Naming Names)

I don't read very much kids' stuff, but this isn't half-bad. It's full of modern cultural reference, so I'm given to wonder what sort of shelf-life it might have, but at least it's current for kids, and it seems not to patronise them, which is a common problem.

I think I'd want to improve the rhythm with a really solid grammar edit, but I'm old and English, which was never going to work in your favour.

Shelved for promise, and I wish you luck,

Adelie High (Naming Names)

Mick, I appreciate your comment and your catch in Chapter 1. Being on Authonomy is like having a community of handfuls of great editors!

As far as I got, this is very well done.
Your pitch is excellent, and so far the story delivers.

One small suggestion,
Early in ch1 This summer felt different [from] all the others.

Will find space on my shelf.

MickR - The Nightcrawler

As far as I got, this is very well done.
Your pitch is excellent, and so far the story delivers.

One small suggestion,
Early in ch1 This summer felt different [from] all the others.

Will find space on my shelf.

MickR - The Nightcrawler

Hi Ben!

I've read through the prologue and first two chapters, am pausing briefly to back this and leave a comment, but will most definitely be back to read all of this. This is REALLY a good piece of work here! I can tell you teach and spend time with the YA age group, because you definitely know how to write something that's going to capture their attention!

Your prologue is great - snaps the reader right into the action and intrigue with the tension of the gathering teens and the mystery of the dead creature. You describe the animal well - gave me a clear vision of what it looked like and how creepy and mysterious it is. I tried to block the smell from my nose, but that got into my mind as well! (grins.)

Chapter one seemed to slow down a bit after the flurry of the prologue. I know the info dump is always necessary in setting up a novel... You're going to get quite a bit of advice on this, and I'm certainly not an editor. But from a reader's standpoint, once you got my mind excited and tense about the creature, it was all I wanted to focus on. The serene fishing scene and background on Tanner and his sister drug a little for my taste. I was ready for him to join Zach and see for himself.

In chapter two, I got to see his reaction, and that of the police - which only added more tension. Great stuff - this is exactly where I wanted to go! Yes, this is definitely something that will appeal to the teens - and you've done a great job of putting together a plot that will appeal to both genders (boys are hard!), so my hat's off to you.

I got so absorbed in the storyline, that I wasn't looking for errors. That's a good thing. I'd like to think they would have jumped out at me, but I didn't see any typos or nits, so this seems very polished and well written to me. Great job - totally backed!!!

Kim
Invisible Justice

This story moves very well and works for the YA market. Very good character development, descriptions, and the mystery unwinding works at a perfect pace. On my shelf.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

I wonder if The Point is anywhere near Whitesands where I vacationed as a child.
All the mystery of the dead creature...the potentially glamorous friends...the very male audience aspects(i.e.a good stink) = well done.
Oh wait...long island sound...probably not near whitesands...
yes I think this hits its target audience well and I know two boys who I think would enjoy this tremendously.
Best of luck with it.
-=B

good start and pace suited to YA market and nicely, richly described... a mature YA read, i think.

the two boys, the monster on the beach, the mix of ordinary teenage woes and this fantastical mystery... it’s fun, well-judged & compelling.

some great characterisation – earl is particularly vivid – interactions are authentic and move the story on well.

this is proper adventure stuff and is a great read – i’m putting it on my shelf and wish you well with it.

freddie
("honour")

Thanks so much, everyone, for all the backing and kind words. This is definitely a more robust community than the last time I was on Authonomy! ;-)

I will get to my watchlist reads within the next few days, I promise. Life is getting in the way...!

-Ben

I like this. It's realistic and feels like an X-Files episode. Also you capture today's high-tech youth culture well.
Backed.
Johanan
(Alaris: The Lances of Light)

This has a very nice feel to it, it is very realistic. the dialogue is great. I bonded with the main characters, so I would expect young adults to bond with them even more strongly. I think this is well worth backing
BADD

Descriptive with good dialogue and an interesting plot. This is bound to appeal to the YA market.
Shelved.
Carole

Dark Island is written in an authentic YA idiom and with plenty of action. The narrative flows well, your characters emerge strongly and the dialogue is crisp. I'm happy to back this.
My only suggestion is about the content rather than the writing; I felt the 'monster' was just a bit too weird. For the story to work it needs to be shocking, but no so off the wall that it makes the reader doubt its credibility, and not too overworked in the narrative. Just a personal perspective to play it down a little - and easily addressed in editing if you choose. All the best.

Great pitch, Benjamin. It really pulls you in! I am looking forward to reading much much more of this. Happy to shelve in the meantime! Good luck, buddy, this should go far!
Simon (BLACK SHADOWS)

The pitch has already told me this is my kind of read so I've adding it to my watch list.

I really enjoying reading your language usage, your style is easy to read but with a mouthful of description.

This starts extremely well. Everyone has a bit of fear of what might be in the sea when they're swimming, after Jaws! And this plays to that, with this strange creature washing up on a holiday beach in the States. Young characters are well drawn, their dialogue is spot on, their behaviour easily understood and visualised. I like your crisp clean style.
Backed
Flicka

Just an update: I am currently working on "Private Conversation," a sequel to "Dark Island" featuring Zach, one of the book’s main characters. He has returned home from his summer adventures only to find that one of his classmates, Hannah, has disappeared soon after meeting a perfect guy on a social networking site. As Zach and his friends dig deeper, though, they realize that Hannah may have been hiding some serious secrets from them—and that, in order to find her, they will have to break those secrets wide open.