Dark Shadow

Dear Karen
scary to me just on the edge. brilliant writing skills you have , animated,

I would like to commend you on the skill you have applied, the imagination and the talent you have in writing this work of art of yours. I feel sure you feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also getting this book of your published

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, comment which is important to me, and back my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Excellent, with all the books on here you have to grab the reader's attention and you have done this very well. The intrigue is well established and the main character has the perfect fear. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Hi Karen

I really like this. You write so well, both about her phobia and then the terrific break-up scene with Tim, I almost don't need the fantasy element, but I'm looking forward to that unfolding and hopefully resolving her problems and bringing her a much better chap. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

You are like totally fantastic, Karen! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Karen, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" your book, I will put your book on my "watchlist." Could you please take a moment to "back" my completed unedited memoir version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which at the end tells of my illness now & 6th abusive marriage. I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quotes: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy

Dear Karen, I love the intrigue of water phobia & why? What a story! Glad I'm not her. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :)
Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote.
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs.

Fascinating. There's a sense of immediacy to this piece. In a thriller, that's an excellent quality to have. Fabulous work, and best of luck!
Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Tense and mysterious writing style really complements your narrative well. And the premise is unique and powerful, too. The writing is compelling and technically strong; I don't really have a critique to offer. I hope this does well for you here, and I'm happy to back it.
Craig
The Job

A definite thriller, with the added terror of panic disorder. This is a gripping tale, and one that I think is true to the genre. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

Dark Shadow

[Thank you for returning my backing. T. ☼☼☼☼☼]

That opening is great. The Prologue tells me there’s some sort of horror story coming up, and then your account of Luce’s panic attack is really really good. Giving her a water phobia and then trapping her in her car in a rainstorm is a great idea and you make the most of it. Then Tim admitting his affair with Sara Saltworth/Slutworth/Slugface etc (great idea!) and the row is very real. You definitely put Luce through it, don’t you? The end of chapter one is completely unexpected and reminds me of the horror aspect to the story.

By the end of chapter three you’ve really caught my attention. Luce it seems has flashes of other people’s thoughts, and the image in her mind of the woman intruder (or was it?) when she touches the figure shows there is much more to come.

This isn’t really my favoured genre, but it is very well written and paced, and Luce’s character is very well drawn. I like her ironic tone at times.

I’m backing this and if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return, I’d be extremely grateful. Thanks.

Not my type of story line. Nevertheless, it is well written and moves along in keeping with the title. The narrative and dialogue are supportive and develop the story line as an expanding dark shadow; maintaining the tension of the unknown.
BK

Dear Karen --
You captured the consuming panic of a phobic brilliantly. That hooked me, as did your strong, well-paced writing. The tension you create at the start of chapter one with the anxiety attack carries throughout, making me want to keep reading. Happy to back you! -- Delhui

Please consider a look at The Long Black Veil; we would appreciate your thoughts. Thanks!

I’m not a true lover of the prologue, however I’m well on my way to conversion with this!!!
I think your style for this is brilliant, your very structure hold a sense of tension that something’s lurking. You use sensory descriptions in your narrative so, so well it is no wonder the tension in the scenes is so good.
Great emotion, great character and a great book.

Hello, Karen. Well here I am at last but must still apologise as my comments are not as full as I would have liked to have made them.

As you know I have already backed your book as I think it shows great promise. You have a talent for creating atmosphere, tension and under current. Your voice is strong and fresh, and the premise gripping.

I very much liked the prologue which sucks the reader in without giving away anything; a mistake often made and the reason why editors can be against their use. Handled correctly however they can be most effective.

The character of Luce is well drawn and easy to warm to. In the chapters I read Tim comes across as a rather ‘thin’ character but I feel you may well have fleshed him out further a long.

The break-up scene is totally convincing; the pain as the truth sinks in, upon discovering she knows the other woman, and how he never liked the wooden sculpture all rings true. The dialogue is spot on. Other things such as how alcohol can convince one that everything is, or will be fine, and the names Luce makes up for Sarah all add to the authenticity.

I feel you are building not only a chilling tale but a meaningful exploration of the relationship between a daughter and her mother.

In the main part I found your use of language good and creative but feel a tight edit would sharpen things up. For example you are apt to overuse ‘begins’ and ‘starts to’ where in fact they are not called for at all. Whilst I have no objection to a well placed adverb – sometimes they do the job perfectly – it is always worth checking if the sentence could be written in a more active way which in turn often improves its structure.

To be honest I often find novels written mainly in the present tense to be a little wearing. It does of course add to the immediacy and I thought you handled it well.


A few minor observations in no particular order;

‘Damn, she says, as the rain increases while parking the Toyota.’
This reads as if the rain is doing the parking!

I don’t profess to be a medical expert but I think you feel an adrenalin rush throughout your body not in one particular spot i.e. the spine. The exception to this is the heart which adrenalin makes pump harder, and too much of it there can bring on a heart attack.

‘met in a cell’. I like this. It is an intriguing hook.

The use of car makes – Toyota, Saab, - is usually best avoided except when it makes a statement about the character which I don’t feel either of these do.
‘Damn, a power cut.” Superfluous as the reader is already ‘there’.

‘Something hurls down the stairs’. Hurls doesn’t read well. Hurtles would be better or perhaps swoops as it turns out to be a bird.


You are writing in a competitive but popular genre and I see no reason why you should not succeed. I wish you good luck and am sorry not to have been able to comment more fully but as you know time is not on my side.

DARK SHADOW:

Karen,

What a stunning prologue! I was mesmerised by the atmosphere you evoked, and almost felt as though I was right there with the old man, shivering and holding my breath.

Your pitch promises a story full of emotion and conflict. The more difficulties your main character has to overcome the more you will capture your reader. That's what the experts always say, and you certainly do just that.

You have such lovely rhythm to your prose that I can't help suggesting a very slight change to the last line of paragraph 3 in chapter one. " . . . plunged into darkness as rain pounds down like bullets."

A captivating story that I'm sure will go right to the top.

Backed, with pleasure and wishing you good luck.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

I live in Southern California, where, opposite of common belief, it often rains for days in a row. So I really appreciated the way you began this story with Luce's reaction to the rain. I feel like bumping my head against my steering wheel on rainy days too. Seriously, tho, you've turned her reaction to water into a good story here. Very imaginative. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Dark Shadow:

Great vivid scenes, good dialogue and well drawn characters.

Writing is good, but consider changing some of the ‘ing’ ending words such as? – grasping, mumbling, making (consider, -The old man lifts his voice, makes the resonant tones distend across the choppy surface? Instead of -The old man lifts his voice making the resonant tones distend across the choppy surface?)is rising fast/rises fast, etc?

…first drops begin to splatter/first drops splatter…he begins to clack/he clacks
…he sways, and then starts to chant/he sways, then chants…
...she starts to hyperventilate and a dizzy feeling forces her eyes closed./she hyperventilates and a dizziness forces her…?

Her body is shaking but the panic has peaked and, like the rain, is lessening./ Her body shakes, but the panic has peaked and, like the rain, it lessens?

Of course, I’m no pro so I don’t mind if you don’t agree with the above.;)

Very entertaining story, by the way. Would make a good movie. And I have backed this.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Backed with pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris (A Bore No More)

Dark Shadow:

Karen,

There us a real sense of foreboding from the outset, as we have the setting of the pool and the old man fulfilling his strange performance of rites.
Luce and Tim are very individual and well delineated characters who are well fleshed out and. likeable or not, very engaging.
Luce's fear of water is very well portrayed as she has the panic attack, with her recollection of the dream in which she drowned in the pool.
The whole is ended with an effective cliffhanger and there is a feeling of involvement in an exciting and unpredictable plot.
The very readable prose and vivid interwoven descriptive detail make Dark Shadow stand out as aThriller with a new voice.
Backed.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

This is a page turner! Great pace and tension, and strong characterizations, too. My suggestion is that you need a cover. A super addition to the genre, and backed.

"Never trust a shortman"
Even though you were painting a very sad picture os Luce's poignantly failed marriage, you made me laugh...I was afraid it looked like a scene in Whitney Huston's "Waiting to exhale" but never mind, i could see great creativity in your book, if not, i would tell.
How sad, Luce's mum was reported as dead in chapter 5.
I love this story and enjoyed it. Its easy to read and its a page turner!
Backed!

Tope Apoola
Times of the supermen

The flood scene portrays her phobia well.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Terrific writing - I was just going to scan the writing, but you've sucked me in for 4 chapters. Great job with the suspense and the feel for your MC. I so hate her husband, little weasel.
backed
- Genevieve

This is quite well written. You’ve polished it until it very nearly shines.

But you have one more polish to do. For instance, go to chapter 4.

First paragraph - Maria’s vision. (I understand why we can’t copy and paste but it sucks to have to type up the entire sentences lol) Great sentence btw. Anyway, do you see the second sentence? “Losing your balance when drunk …” Oops. See it? You’ve switched perspectives and pronouns. No. You don’t want to do that. See? It’s the little tweaks. “Losing her balance when drunk …”

Tweaks kid. That’s it.


Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Karen, your prologue and chapter one read well. I love what you do with the rain, how you turn it into an object of fear. Good job. I have nothing to nitpick in these two sections.

Sincerely backed.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I got emotionally involved with Luce so quickly, evidence of the strength of your writing. Great visual descriptions, good dialogue and believable emotions. Happy to back. Paddy

Dark Shadow
Karen Milner

Karen,
You have a good simple plot here, although your title reminded me of that ancient TV series “Dark Shadows.”
I thought your prologue was a good opening with the old man at the shore and the raindrops pounding the creases of his face at the end of this segment. Good visuals I thought. And the emphasis on water here made me think that this compound would play an integral role in your novel. Then we meet Luce in chapter one, who has nightmares about water. It's raining and she is in her car. “I was born, I was born.” She repeats the mantra her therapist had given her to help her cope with negative thoughts. “Breathe,” she tells herself. “Just breathe.” This is instructive – I wonder whether it would work for me when I am all-read out on Authonomy (smile). Worth a try, right? It’s raining still and the reporter Luce has such a phobia about water I feel sorry for her. She is twenty eight, not eight, but phobias are monsters and impartial to age. Inside the car she rocks back and forth making a strange croaking sound. I might try the mantra but not this! You have began to sketch out Luce in an effective way which makes her real to the reader. I thought the dialogue which comes later in the chapter was natural and realistic. So far this has been an interesting read and I look forward to reading more when time permits.
Best wishes for success Karen.
Zan

HelloKaren, I have read all that you have uploaded here and I enjoyed it immensely. So many interesting characters in this story. Lucinda has nightmares about water. Tim is a womaniser. What kind of a man would leave his wife on her birthday? We find out later just what kind of a man he really is. There are several hooks which make the reader want to read on. Lucinda appears to be a carbon copy of her mother and seems to be making the same mistakes. This is excellent descriptive writing and her mother's ghost is chillingly portrayed. Will you be adding more chapters as I would like to know what happens?
Like Alexander de Witt, I don't really feel that the 'F' word is ever necessary in fiction. And 'annal' only has one 'n': 'anul'. Otherwise SHELVED with great pleasure. Good luck with this.

Phyllis
A Passing Storm (Would you have a look at this for me please?)

Something about this brings back memoires in my life. The start of a good story of which I wish I could read more. I am backing this and hope you will look at my book, Three Stayed Home a WW2 adventure and love story. Regards, JohnJ

Karen, thanks for reminding me about Dark Shadow. It is really very good - gripping.

I think you should be top 50 with this at least. Your descriptions are evocative and you make your story come alive. You do something interesting with Lucinda's interiority - you cleverly make it a conduit for the reader's experience by emphasis of a therapeutic imperative based upon a deep-seated fear from an earlier traumatic incident. The storm from the prologue is the same storm that precipitates her panic attack and you weave themes/characters through this connection. The prologue scene therefore becomes imprinted - who is this wizened character? And he lurks at the back of the reader's mind. The radio broadcast just before bathing and the return of Tim creates this chilling worry of a vulnerable woman whose fears can spiral out of control. Yes, Lucinda's fears drive the piece.

But then Tim is distant and cold and we don't see his face at first - so for a second, could he be sinister? You choreograph this piece with pregnant suspense - brilliant!

This is a winning story and you really must persevere with it - authonomy is not the key stone for that imho. Seek representation because an agent somewhere will run with this, for sure. It reminds me very much of John Carpenter in it's style and the visual very much resonates with a piece like The Fog.

Characters are superbly drawn, narrative description is atmospheric and the dialogue's not bad either! - all with what is shaping up as a rollercoaster thriller story on the cusp of a good horror.

Now, after the superlatives, a few nits for your assistance (first uploaded chapter only):

i) Fuck, she's lost it; she's got to get out. (car scene). The word 'fuck' adds nothing here. In fact, the two fragments feel like the writer's attempt to convey information rather than being how the situation really would be, being neither the committal sentiments of Lucinda in situ nor the narrator echo of her.
ii) She is trapped (car scene) is superfluous. It disrupts the flow.
iii) "We could both do with a bit of space and time." This feels unreal, the relationship is over. I'd excise this.

There is always room for improvement but the fact here is that you have a great product.

I am of course backing this with no hesitation.

Alexander

Absolutely wonderful writing. Descriptive and powerful. I actually pulled my wife over and read it to her I was that impressed. You set the scene and tone of your tale perfectly right from the start.

I enjoy the psychology of dreams, and you use this as a good device to start the story.

Overall your editing is strong and I can tell you've been over this many times. May I suggest occasional tightening sentences and using less words occasionally. Eg 'There car was no longer a car, it was a hot tomb.' could maybe have more impact as 'The car was no longer a car, but a tomb.'

Great work. On my WL for further reading and a certain backing. When are you posting the rest of this up?

Tim H
Hellbound

This has been on my shelf for a few days now.
The pitch interested me, and the prologue held my attention.
I read some people had problems with the present tense, I'm not one of them.
I think people get too hung up on tense issues. Though strangely I often prefer things not written in the first person. You do a nice job in pulling in the psychological and threading it through your narrative.
David
Bailey of the Saints

Really nice writing, Karen, a nice fresh voice and you conjure her fear during the panic attack in the car well. You have lovely descriptive prose and it's a shame to see this has a red arrow nest to it right now. Tania, This Last Summer. (I'm also a former radio journalist, many years ago!)

I loved the prologue and the pitch alone is worth my backing. I will definitely read more when I have time.

This is a compelling read. Backed with pleasure, Sana

I like the almost biblical opening to your prologue! This has the makings of a good story, Luce is an engaging MC in that the reader becomes mesmerised by her doings. Good luck with this, Jim D Serpent's Blood

Hi Karen,

I like the ambiguity between the way your novel opens and the way you throw us into the edgy atmosphere of your novel. The prologue was written in a poetic manner and I enjoyed the originality of the voice. Your plot from what I read so far seems to go along well with the 'thriller' genre. What makes this work thrilling is the way you keep us going back and forth between various levels of action. Keep that up throughout the rest of your novel because that's one of your strong points in this story from what I see. Good luck with your book. Backed!

KayLeigh
The Seraph's Orb

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.

There you are.

BACKED

Hope you reciprocate.

If you end up leaving a comment that adds value to Dream Diamond, I will return to your book and give it a thorough read and comment.

Karen,

I'm returning your read of Appetites. Thank you again for your support, sorry for the delay, Christmas and all that . . .

Starting with the pitch, I like the short version, but think you could expand the long version, break it into paragraphs and give it a structure:

--beginning who, where, when (character and setting);

--middle, the inciting incident and obstacles faced, other significant characters; and

--end, the story question, what's at the heart of the work, perhaps a hint at resolution.

Of course I'm no expert, but you have 200 words to sell your work.

Now, into the work proper. First great prologue. I like the language and the ritual and the sense of foreboding created.

So, chapter one. And there's an immediate linkage, through the theme of rain and storm, with the prologue, which is good. Hate to see prologues hanging out on their own.

One tiny niggle: do you really need ominously in the first sentence? I suspect that will be apparent to readers after the prologue.

Two more passing observations on the first scene:

--I found myself wondering why someone so phobic of water would have a soft-top (it wasn't until the end of the scene that I found out that her phobia was getting worse); and
--the mention of her blonde hair struck a false note with me (God, description of MCs is hard to do though, isn't it?).

Ah, now moving into scene two and she checks the mirror, minaly to tell us she has green eyes. Hmm. On the other hand the way you tell us her age and profession really works for me. Good stuff. Just the physical description that's troubling me.

Carrying on with the odd minor nit, you wirte:

. . . so she has learnt to detach herself from the more horrific crimes, but this one has got to her.

I'm not sure about the tense in 'has got', should it perhaps be 'gets' in keeping with present tense of the narrative?

The description after the bath seems more natural to me than the earlier ones--mirror and all--and surely one mention of blonde hair is sufficient for this chapter.

So, I've finished the first chapter and it's very well written. This is a compelling story and the characterisation of Luce is first-rate. I'm pressed for time, so having decided already that I'm going to back this, I will stop here.

One last observation at the more macro level. The choice of tense. I think it works for you in creating suspense and supporting the ominous feeing that, for me, permeated this. But, I've read a few present tense works recently and one thing I've notice they have in common is a certain distance in the viewpoint. I don't know why that is, but there were points where I wanted to get closer to Luce . . .

But, you've got it all. Stellar opening, then a first chapter that bounces off it. You mix action, narrative and dialogue deftly, doing all well. And the description is supberly done, never too much of it and whilst the images are beautiful the language never feels out of place with the narrative.

Backed with pleasure.

Good prologue and opening, though I'm afraid I just can't get to grips with a thriller in the present tense. And I didn't understand her phobia of rain. If she's that scared of rain, how come she drives a soft top car? And how on earth has she coped all her life? How does she have a bath or shower? Drowning, I could understand. Fear of the sea or boats or swimming. But rain? It just didn't convince me.

Having said that, it's nicely written. You have a good ear for natural dialogue. And I like the way you get inside her head and build the tension. So while I'm not convinced on the credibility of the plot so far, I'll back this on the quality of the writing of what I've read.

Karen
You are a talented writer, and you certainly understand the meaning of the advice "Conflict in every scene!" The scene between Luce and Tim is expertly done - the dialogue is very realistic - some of the best dialogue I've seen on Authonomy. Normally I don't like present tense narrative, but you get away with it... it reads like a film script. I would seriously consider rewriting it in past tense if you want to get this published.
Your opening scene slaps on lots of description relating to the weather/storm. Editors don't like books that open with weather. I would tone it down, and focus on the action - the man at the gravestone. (Is "lone" the right adjective... I would just omit it - unnecessary). Finally, some advice I also gave to Simon Swift (author of "Dark Shadows" on this site... ). ALL shadows are, by definition, dark. Therefore, to call a shadow "dark" is like calling a circle "round." It will not help your case for publication. I would seriously consider some other title, perhaps using Lucinda's name. It's not important at the moment anyway, it will come.

Hope this is of help. You are a natural storyteller, and I can see you getting published.

Frank

Hi Karen, I read the first three chapters and was completely hooked. I hate being in the house by myself and so was on the edge of my seat through the whole read. You have a really interesting story and it is written really well, I would love to see where the whole thing is going, who is the woman she saw? I was glad her husband left her, the height difference would never work!!
On my shelf, Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

A great pitch, one I definately fell for. I love the dark spooky feel to this, I kept waiting for something to pop out. I have to say love a scary yarn.
Enjoyed and backed.
Leigh Fallon
The Carrier of the Mark

Hi Karen,

Brilliant and more than a little bizarre, this is beautifully written. -shelved

The tension continues to mount in the first three chapters with more than a few hints that all is not well with Luce. I found this very enjoyable and didn't spot anything except one minor typo in #2

That is '.....hurls its self at the glass' should be 'itself'

Good luck with this

John

This is a gripping thriller from the first words. The dark pool and the old man preparing to carry out his ritual are beautifully described, bringing the picture very close, so that the fear engendered is palpable. Then we meet Luce, and the rat Tim, and both characters come straight to life. I love Luce's alternate surnames for 'Sara Slutface,' this is great. Luce is a real person. The plot element has already kicked in, with Luce's fear of water, her panic attack in the car, and her childhood memory and recurring dream of nearly drowning in the paddling pool. This is vividly described. The hooks at the end of the chapters are compelling, we need to read on to find out what is happening. You write in a clear, attractive style, and you have excellent descriptive powers. The first scene, ending as 'giant droplets pound the deep creases on his face,' is an obvious example of this, but all through you use your skill in this area to bring your scenes to life. Lucy's dream, 'of a wild and foreign place,' obviously relates to this first scene, and we can see your plot developing in a fascinating way. A truly enthralling book. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

HI Karen

The water phobia is an interesting subject and has the promise of something scary, especially as Luce finds she's suddenly afraid rain. The way you build up things is good, however, I feel that you may have a tendancy to use inanimate objects such as the weather etc. or the surroundings e.g crows to convey what she's feeling at any time. I would have liked to have got inside her head a lot more when the panic attack was starting and as it escalated, to have felt what she would have been going through at that time, for the tension to have cranked up, and up, and up more, by seeing her on the brink of panic, feeling her breath bolt from her chest as it tightened like a vice, her eyes widening to the point of them popping out of her skull, her heart shooting up into her mouth, tasting like a hot ball of lead, it's beat causing her whole head to pulse maddeningly as if it were about to burst like a balloon, the whole time her mind gibbering 'I was born-I was born-I was born-Iwasborn-Iwasborn!!' over and over like a stuck record...

I think you can get under her skin more, make the reader actually experience her fear with her rather than just to be told about it. Now, I've only read the first part of this, and for all I know, you might well have done this and I'm speaking a load of s**t, but as you know, the opening to a novel is the most important part...

Please don't take my words as an insult, I'm no expert, just hoping to help what is already good writing.

Take it easy..

Stavro.

Hi, Karen. Short pitch but effective. I do think longer ones entice more readers though. Something to think about.
We get to know Luce pretty well in the prologue and first part of chapter one. Just when we think a nice pleasant evening together is in the offing, Bam! Tim's bombshell. The dialog is beautifully done in the break-up scene. What a shock to poor Luce. Then Tim is off to Sara. She should have listened to mom...haha.
Chapter 2 - Her imagination going a little wild there. Very good writing on that and with the bird and the cat. This chapter give us the feeling that something is strange other than her imagination and phobic behavior. Noises, thumps but still not sure anyone, or thing, is really there.
Chapter 3 and yes, it looks like someone was there, after all.... the mess. The end of the chapter she knows who it was... but we don't, no yet anyway.
Great hooks a the end of chapters. Excellent dialog. This is going to be good. Well worth backing. On my shelf for sure and the best of luck with it Karen.

John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

I've only had time to read the opening three chapters, but this is working very well as a thriller with a chilling hint of menace running through it. The tension is well sustained and you understand the demands of the thriller genre very well: short snappy dialogue and a good hook at the end of a chapter to ensure the reader rushes on to the next chapter. For perfection, perhaps the chapters could be just a tad shorter, but it all worked well enough for me. You use the short chopping sentences that have become popular amongst thriller writers in recent years and the pace of the novel benefits from this style.
The chapter heading for Chapter 2 is Hark Shadow, presumably a typo as the other headings all bear the title of the book. I'd try and find a cover to do the book justice as the present generic cover lets it down.
You describe a panic attack very well - I have a good friend who suffers from them. This is well written and very enjoyable. On my shelf.
Jared.

Kaen, I read the 6 chapters posted and went with the flow. It is one of those books that you have to read in big bites. Your description of the terror Luce feels when she is alone in the house is palpable. The kind neighbours are a breath of fresh air. As for Luce's husband he is a real b....! I wish you all the best with this and have put it on my shelf. Regards, Anne "Tyson's Tale"

This is gripping stuff. The dialogue between her and her husband is very good and I could really feel for her. I found I couldn't stop reading. My sister almost drowned as a child and was saved by a stranger, she never learnt to swim.I will back your book with pleasure, I am sure it would do well.

Adrian
Jack and Boots