In Her Own Backyard

Hi Lori!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

I abolsutely love this! I'd pay good money for it if it were already on the shelves. Perfect holiday/travel to work/bedtime read! Fully backed and starred. Best of luck with it! I have no doubt you'll get picked up.

Laura Bailey
Beneath The Blossom Tree

Intriguing beginning to the story, also a unique time period in which to set a romance novel. The writing is well done, and the story works for me. Backed with pleasure.

Amy
Love Match

This should be used as a master class of how to use sensory descriptions (predicates) in a narrative, to create atmosphere and ground a story. If memory is correct you use every sense, and that’s in a dream sequence – Some writers don’t get beyond two senses in ‘the now’ narrative. – Should be backed just for that!!!!!
You have a beautiful and sensual style of writing that enhances this so much – Mmm – sorry where was I?
Great story very, very well crafted! Impressive comes to mind.

Your pitch didnt really tell me much but your story did. I thought the way you crafted the attack and how she felt afterwards was excellent It was nice touch that Granny sat watching over her. Your imagery of the time and place is excellent and I really got afeel for the period but you threw me when you switched point of view at the end of chapter two as I was still inside Karins head and did not expect to suddenly be in Benito's. Other than that I found the whole thing well written I like the recurring dream Idea that really worked for me. Good luck with it.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

You expose the vanity of youth and explore by contrast the modesty that eventually comes through development.
All three charcaters in the love triangle are clearly delineated and their interconnection is woven together with some seamless plotting.
Numerous little asides, both in the narration and the dialogue, illuminate your characters and some of the internal monologue gets right under the skin of each.
Sara and Katin are meticulously drawn and by the end of your second chapter I still wanted to read on to see which of the two different types of characater in a man, she would gel with and with whom she might ultimately find happiness.

Shelved.
Ray
(A Child from the Wishing Well)

IN HER OWN BACKYARD:

Lori,

You are a born story-teller because you have the knack of putting the whole thing together in the right order. Whetting the appetite. Putting the conflicts down in an easily readable way. Stepping up the conflct.
Telling it as it is, without pushing it down our throats. Oh, such clever writing. You will go far.

A real joy to read.

Backed with pleasure.

Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

Not sure about YA (Not that it couldn't be), but this is a good read and good writing.

Lockjaw

I enjoyed this novel and the way it was written. Polished charcters and diolouge that engage the reder. C W Shelved.

a very enjoyable read, backed

alison

Very dry and witty-a brilliant evocation of time and place.
I loved the description of Karin's mother who: 'only cusses once a year but saves it up for me'
I can really empathise with Karin's strugles to find her place in the world- and her endless search for 'the one'..Been there, done that, still waiting on the refund.
Backed because you made me smile.
LBCcx

Contrast is such a great tool. Had me there with the mugging scene and I was right there with her in her pain. Defined character, and great flow. Backed.

Catherine (The Golden Thread - comments?)

I was really worried about Karin in the opening chapter and feared the worst, but she was saved by a stranger! Very tense right from page one. Backed with pleasure
warm wishes
Hatts

Your writing is beautifully polished and professional. I like the way you begin with the dreams. I enjoyed reading your story and happy to back it.

I'm always suspicious whether I'll like a story that begins with a dream - worried the story won't have enough happening in the real world. This one pulls off the dream opening, however, by quickly going to a real-life mugging scene. It's easy to feel sympathetic with Karin as she's away from home and in over her head as she tries to sort out the men in her life and what are going to be her life values. It's a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

The dream sequence used to begin a chapter is a masterpiece in arousing readers' interests to read further. The action sequences of purse snatching, and more serious crimes, continue to build interest in "Where is this story heading?--got to find out." A number of "word-painted" pictures of character's faces, for example of grandmother's face, would allow a reader to connect more visual references with the storyline. Extensive character descriptions might enrich the actions involving characters. Well written, enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

I enjoyed the reading. very realistic. I loved the part when she was rescued by an stranger. you have managed to write it very well. honestly, compare to your other book, this one hooked me even better. i suppose it is because you know the places you are writing about. but it is very different. i back your book.

shah - the interpreter

This is excellent writing I can not believe it is not ranked much higher than this! The prose is polished and the dialogue is snappy and witty! Maybe if it had demons and fairies it would do better- kidding! This should be published - I woul dbuy it because it is realistic and holds its own without sci -fi or fantasy - well maybe a little fantasy :) Anyhow- BACKED 100% Don't give up because you have something really good here - Candace Bushnell style!!

Liz
The Cheech Room

HI Lori, I finally got round to reading some of your novel. Although it is well written and the story is more captivating than I thought it would be, I'm afraid that it isn't really my thing. I can see why this might appeal to a great many people though and I wish you every possible success in your endevours to find a home for it. All the Best, Gerry

Although they do say don't start with a dream sequence, it worked for me. I have no idea how true that is of course. Well written and engaging.
Best wishes
Sue
A Boy Called George

Great story and well written /you have the reader gripped. Backed

Great storyline. Karin immediately gets our sympathy and we
follow her adventures with interest. Hopefully things will work out for her.
An excellent job, all polished and ready to go. ON MY SHELF.
best luck........Mikell The Free

Hi Lori,
I just stumbled across your book and thought I'd take a look at it. I noticed on someone's message that you was looking for genuine feedback, although I am new to writing myself I have looked at this from a readers POV. Here are a few nits.

She turned her neck to the right and grimaced, wouldn't you turn your head, I've tried it and my neck remained in the same place!!

You have unlighted alley! Try unlit alley instead.

I see a lot of 'ly' words in there too, read it through and try and take as many out as you can.
A four gashes in your scalp!!!

Hope these help

Good luck with it.

Melxx
UNICORN

My first thought was vampire. I've not read far enough yet to find out, but it's certainly exciting.

You use a few too many !, you could do with losing those. Also you tell us the attacker is about to slap her, then he does slap her. Don't bother telling us he's about to do it, just let us read the action.

backed

Lorrii

Lori, this is good work. I found the attack scene in C-1 highly suspenseful. This should do well with its intended audience. Only nit -- I think you overwrite just a bit, especially in the first two paragraphs of C-1. There are too many adjectives there. Take five minutes, remove a few, and see if the man's description, and para-2, don't read better. With a little less description the reader can fill in the blanks themselves. Best of luck. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Lori, this is good work. I found the attack scene in C-1 highly suspenseful. This should do well with its intended audience. Only nit -- I think you overwrite just a bit, especially in the first two paragraphs of C-1. There are too many adjectives there. Take five minutes, remove a few, and see if the man's description, and para-2, don't read better. With a little less description the reader can fill in the blanks themselves. Best of luck. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Lori, this is good work. I found the attack scene in C-1 highly suspenseful. This should do well with its intended audience. Only nit -- I think you overwrite just a bit, especially in the first two paragraphs of C-1. There are too many adjectives there. Take five minutes, remove a few, and see if the man's description, and para-2, don't read better. With a little less description the reader can fill in the blanks themselves. Best of luck. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Lori, this is good work. I found the attack scene in C-1 highly suspenseful. This should do well with its intended audience. Only nit -- I think you overwrite just a bit, especially in the first two paragraphs of C-1. There are too many adjectives there. Take five minutes, remove a few, and see if the man's description, and para-2, don't read better. With a little less description the reader can fill in the blanks themselves. Best of luck. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

Lori, this is good work. I found the attack scene in C-1 highly suspenseful. This should do well with its intended audience. Only nit -- I think you overwrite just a bit, especially in the first two paragraphs of C-1. There are too many adjectives there. Take five minutes, remove a few, and see if the man's description, and para-2, don't read better. With a little less description the reader can fill in the blanks themselves. Best of luck. Backed.
Thomas J Winton
(Beyond Nostalgia)

BACKED

I get very little from comments about my own book, nowadays. Some people like it, some don't. Some people are too frightened to leave genuine feedback, while others seek to enforce their own style upon me. I want to get to the Ed's Desk to get professional comment. I would rather spend 30 quid than do all this reading and backing. I have got everything I want out of Authonomy community already. So I am backing your book so that you can reach the Ed's desk and get professional feedback, instead of the platitudes and devious backings that account for 80% of backing you receive. Only 20% of comments are genuine, and will add value to your work.

Now, who am I not to back you? I am not godlike. Your work might be flatly written, unoriginal or even down right bad. It could be wonderful. But in my experience, only you can be honest with yourself about your writing... and that is what matters.

So, I am backing you so you can reach the Ed's desk.


There you are.

BACKED
Hope you reciprocate.

I've read through chapter 4 and want more! Your style is free flowing and easy to read, and your descriptions of the settings are very vivid. I can practically hear his thickly accented voice....Nice job! ~Andrea, MARIPOSA

I like this book and it read it completely with pleasure till to the end. The narration is good.
Backed.
Wishes.
S. Vinay kumar

Very readable and enjoyable.

This really should appeal to YA readers. It's not an era in the States that I'm familiar with but doubtless not much different from here.
I must confess at my age, it's a bit out of my comfort zone but there seems to be all the ingredients to make a good book. Male/female, sex and sin, a trusted receipe which handled by your obvious writing skills is sure to work.
Absolutely right for the taste of todays young so I'm happy to back. Margaret.

Okay I suggest you get some men on stage much more quickly so we can have some action. Romance needs spark and activity. I suggest you treat the mugging as a real time prologue and then jump to the first meeting with one of the men at Berkeley.

I shall support this though. Pile in that Sixties counter-culture.

I'm not sure much happens in Chapter 3 either...

Right...the sixties thing. I would shamelessly steal if I were you. Get hold of Ringolevio by Emmett Grogan and cheat. And you'll need a few more "groovy" and "far out" sayings, I regret to say.

I think you could take out Chapter 2 and integrate the first sight of hippies in with something actually happening (?).

Ok. I like Romance. It's obvious that the Knight in Shining Armour who rescues her from rape is The One but it will be fun finding out for sure.

Certainly not your usual romance opener. I'd like a few more details of the grandmother sketched in.

Will jumpr ahead.

You have a great plot, wonderful dialogue, and excellent main charcter. I read your first chapter. Awsome job! You fleshed out your settings very well. Backed.
Jonathon

Lori, nice story, I like your style. It is clear and very descriptive which makes it easy to follow.

Backed.

Natasha (Water Under the Bridge...rises)

Hi Lori!

Please accept my apologies for the delay of my comments. My holidays were hectic and it was all I could do to just read. I backed this after I first read, but could not comment as I was pressed for time. Now that my sons have gone back to school, I can get back to my authonomy life (LOL). Basically this was a very fast and pacey read which, obviously, took on a total change of personality from what I thought according to the opening. Very brutal and well told! Because I have a scene of brutality myself, I always pay special attention to how others write such subject matter. I think you did an awesome job, handled it very abruptly, which is the way such things happen, without picking apart her every thought (which usually comes later). That all she could think was: "I can't believe this is happening," and "Please, don't hurt me," makes it so very real!

Kudos! And looking forward to reading further in as I get caught up on my reads!
David :)

Real and vivid. That was my first impression. You've a skill with description and a talent for saying a lot with a few choice words. I didn't have time to read too many chapters. Sorry. I'll try to get back and look over so more later but I've been busy lately. Trying to get a good start on the year and not start behind. Good luck and backed.
Jenny

Lori, nicely written, good, easy to read style and the first chapters set up the character of Karin nicely, Backed! Tania, This Last Summer

I found this easy and compelling to read. Love the descriptions, like, "Lifted her body and held it to him as if it were a warm cashmere blanket." I can identify with Karin, her insecurites and her longing for the perfect relationship. I like the realistic portrayl of the mugging in which we are afraid for her. I like the realistic sex scenes, graphic but letting us use our imagination . In chapter fifteen, she is let down by Benito in a touch and go love scene. I like the description of the small bath and how it is too small, echoeing her uncomfortableness with the situation. Very happy to back.
Christina From Under the Bed

Lori,
I skipped around and read the first few chapters, a couple from the middle and then the last three you have posted. You do an excellent job of setting the stage, time and place, the smells and sights and sounds of the bay area. Karin is a relatable character. I hope you are going to give her a happy ending. In Chapter 39 (I think) she has drinks at a bar. I know she is only twenty, not the legal age now, maybe it was then? I really couldn't believe her mother's reaction to Karin's sexual exploits. It was heartbreaking and said so much about both characters.

There is much going on with Karin and room for character growth. I think this novel will do well. You have my backing.

El
(Reckless Scarlett)

Your writing is polished and professional, and the story has enough mysteries to keep me reading. I like the character Karina and hope she's strong enough to escape her parents' clutches. This is an excellent book. Jesselowe

Dear Lori,
First, you are certainly a writer, your command of the language is golden. Also, I lived during this era--it was like nothing before in our history--close to anarchy, and it was painful for all ages and all stratas of society. I was a teacher, a young mother, and an army captain's wife, when the army wasn't very popular, when being patriotic wasn't very popular either. I look back at that time and am ashamed I didn't stand up and scream. I see the shallowness of Karin's parents and I want to scream now. If their values had been more defined, more accepting, I'm sure her life would have been easier. It is difficult enough to find your own dream let alone having someone else superimpose their dreams on you. Good luck with this. Your writing is beautiful. I am happy to shelve this.
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Aside from a couple of very minor typos, I don't see anything glaring. I'm not sure I would repeat the entire dream again at the beginning of chapter two, maybe just a snippet of it, so that the reader gets the idea she's dreaming the same dream again.

Backed. :)

Hi, I like the story and the way its written. So because of that, I will back it and say that you should get this published. I know its difficult but I'm in the same boat with my memoires that arn't on here. But my first book is Three Stayed Home which I hope you will read and do me a swap. I enjoyed reading the first chapter and I wish you luck with your writing.JohnJ

In Her Own Backyard:

Lori, I like stories set in this era, and chapter one held my interest.

I'm wondering if you really need to repeat the dream in chapter two? For a minute, I thought it was chapter one all over again. You could just make a reference to the recurring dream? Just a suggestion.

This has lots of potential and with a bit of pruning, will be even stronger, so I'll give it a spin on my shelf.

cáit - Muckers ~