All Roads Lead to Deacon, Mississippi

I truly love this! Very original. Great Opening, straight to the action and I am automatically wondering how the characters ended up here. And the line "You'll swing where them little birdies sing." was perfect. Loved the touch of dark humor.

Goblin mash and pixie dust. You have an interesting combination of elements here - you sort of expect a sci-fi/western and get a bit more fantasy romance. I think I might have to agree with Alan (comment below) that I'm not sure who the target audience is.

I did that you use dialogue to move the story forward (rather than globs of text) and the chemistry between the characters, particularly in chapter 2 is evident. The scene setting at the start of chapter 2 and the use of color paints an effective picture for the reader. I'm just not sure that I know what to expect next. That might be a plus or a minus - probably depends on what you as the writer want to leave as a lasting impression.....Best of luck on you

Penny,
Finally. Read 4 chapters. This is not my genre of choice, which challenges my imagination and critiquing skills.
A unique blend of realities that makes for interesting revelations and confrontations. A little sexual spice tossed in for good measure. But who, then, is the target reader? The feel is a bit too old for children; somewhat too young for young adults. The answer is in you: who do visualize as reading this?

I also had a wee problem logging all the types and especially names of the imaginary characters. Are they all needed to advance the story, or could it be condensed?

As for your writing, it was engaging and carried me along--aside from the bumps I mentioned above.

The overall feel of this that of a roughed-out, but substantial work worthy of paring down and smoothing so the reader--me, that is--can trip along with less effort. That's sufficient to back it.

P.S.: I agree that more contractions should be used to make the conversations more realistic.

Alan-Time of the Avatar

Hi Penny,
This is totally unique, utterley entertaining and thoroughly enjoyable - shelved without hesitation.
Good luck,
James (The Lycetta Legacy).

An interesting premise with two warring twins in their mid thirties transported from a cattle ranch to fairy land! I think this needs a fairly tight edit, and you could have a closer look at the dialogue. Try reading it aloud and listening to how it actually sounds, and how natural it is. One piece of advice - put in contractions. When we speak, we contstantly contract, so when you write speech, use them too. This is actually harder to do than it should be! I know that when I write I have to stop myself using the long version all the time, and some still escape. They sound much better in speech, but also in the main body of narrative too.
Good luck
Shelved
Flicka

This was a very interesting take on the fairies and the fanciful world that they inhabit. With that being said I can say that it was interesting enough that I could see having it for children to read. Backed!

The pitch for 'All Roads Lead to Deacon, Mississippi' is a bit on the thin side - I would like to have more about the nature of their journey and the milestones along the way to lure me into reading the book. However, before you know it I'm knee deep in green suns, purple grass, white haired floating nymphs with a golden glow and sapphire eyes, mermaids, leprechauns, pixie dust, talking unicorns and all the paraphernalia of a classic fantasy. No more carping about luring me in, then! This is an easy read that will appeal to lovers of the genre. Backed.

I think this is very entertaining, it has a lot of colourful description (some of which people will complain about and tell you to chop) and it's unlike any other book I've read on here. From a marketing perspective, I don't know what this is, whether its urban fantasy with a western twist, or a fairy tale gone bad. That might not sound like a problem, but from what I've read so far, I don't know who it's aimed at, children or adults or young adult. Being unique is fine and all, but practically it has to sit on a shelf somewhere in a bookshop alongside things of similar flavour. I think you need to carefully think about who your audience is, and then adjust the structure accordingly, be it adding more adult content for a mature audience and taking out some of the exposition, etc. Very imaginative, very different, but for me, ultimately a little confusing.

Dusty and Lefty enter Lord Dunsany's realm. Quite a concept. But I like the juxtaposition of the cowboys against the fairy realm and would love to hear how it occurred to you. You have a great imagination, which comes to the fore when you have Tyler interacting with the fairies, leprechauns, etc. The dialogue seems right for each character (to the degree that one can know how a water nymph will speak), and you use it well to introduce not only Tyler, but us, to this new world. Shelved.

Cowboys riding unicorns, Love it. Read chapters 1, 4, and 6.

Backed

Jill

I SHELVED you last week and am just getting around to commenting while I am at my weekend job; of course my luck being what it is, the website is now acting up and I cannot read any book. I'll try to swing by later to read what you have posted. Meanwhile, you already have the backing. If you get the chance when the website is working again, would love your comments on my book, but it's not mandatory, just at your leisure. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau File

Ok, I am going to come back to this when I get more time because I"m in a rush now, but I REALLY like how it starts. Totally wacky pair of cowboys getting zapped off into another world... I love that.
BexMcK (Matter Out of Place)

Hey,
What a great opening we have with that short first chapter. You build up the tension instantly. I couldn't wait to get into the story. I didn't expect where it was going next, but i was just glad that i was along for the ride. What imagination and sheer brilliance. This is a gem of a book. On my shelf for sometime. Backed.

Regards,

Mark H

All Roads Lead to Deacon, Mississippi

Hi Penny,

Wow what an imagination, can I have some of whatever you're having please! This story is utterly unpredictable in a good way, unicorns, mermaids, gunfighters, talk about a panoply of beasts and creations. And there is story here as well, intrigue and interest. Someone already mentioned Alice in Wonderland in terms of surreal-ness and you are certainly there, this also reminded me of Larry Niven as well in terms of its sheer weirdness. You write boldly, without self-consciousness and with I think a laconic and humorous twinkle behind the words which I found engaging. You are tempting us, go on, go with it, you know you want to, go with it. And strangely, almost against my better judgement, I did. And what I read I enjoyed very much. Not what it appears, difficult to categorize either genius or barmy, lands, in my view on the genius side of the line. If you have time to read my book, pedestrian surreality in comparison, I'd be grateful. Best wishes and good luck with this, onto my shelf for a time.

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Penny, well this certainly is different. One minute I was settling in with the cowboys and ready for a bit of the wild west, the next I was tripping through a strange and wonderful land. I felt almost a sense of Alice in Wonderland about this piece. Its well written although I think Tylers thoughts shouldnt be written down so much, theres is a rule that a lot of people here have mentioned to me as I can fall into this trap myself but it "show don't tell" let the reader find out things for themselves. Other than that it is great, brought a smile. I'm shelving it for originality!
Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

Penny
Cowboys visiting fairyland. Ok…
I’ll admit I started this with a little apprehension… but hey! I love the opening chapter. This is a very strong introduction: straight into the action and raising questions, making the reader want to find out more. Nicely done.
Chapter 2 is equally intriguing. A trippy venture into wonderland, getting the story going in full swing. Cool!
You know, I am very pleasantly surprised by this. You write well, characterise well and tell an addictive story.
I’m just starting Ch3.
Shelved with pleasure,
David
Green Ore

Penny,

What those shrooms won't do!!! Quite trippy in the first couple of chapters - a wild fairy land. Fun and I look forward to finding out about the dark side with Dylan. Shelved. CW (To Save the Sun)

This reminds me of a film I watched, the name of which escapes me for now, which seemed like every other cowboy film, until the occupants of a bar turned into vampires and a variety of other murderous creatures. It worked well, and I think your book works well. It's full of the unexpected, and that certainly keeps the reader awake. I admire your incredible imagination and unconventional approach. We could do with more authors like you. Backed with pleasure. Best wishes, Tony.

Penny,

This is quite the crazy trip. The different creatures popping in kept me reading for two chapters. I like the idea of cowboys mixing with fairies. I'll bet it's never been done before. There were moments when the writing was quite charming.

However, there are parts that don't ring true. I kept thinking it was a children's fantasy until you started writing the sex scene at the end of chapter two. The tone is a bit juvenile for adults then. It's hard to get internal thoughts across convincingly. Some of these feel forced and stiff. And I kept wondering why they didn't have a southern twang to them since Tyler is a cowboy. You might want to rewrite them as the characters speak or get rid of them altogether. Also, in chapter one, I think you need to draw out Dylan's disappearance a bit more. Maybe set it off into its own paragraph.

This story is a diamond in the rough.

On my shelf for potential,

ML

Starting with a scene, a great way to get the reader involved right away. Twin brothers facing it off. Some of the conversation I think could have been stronger. More anger. But as it is, it's pretty good. A little tightening it and this will be on wacked out western. On my shelf and good luck. C.P

Hi Penny!

Nice opening... Great start to grip your reader for this horror novel. You definitely know what you're doing and it shows here. This will capture the attention of a lot of readers looking for a thrill ride! Nice job - backed!

Kim
Invisible Justice

Penny, this isn't my genre, but I have been reading a lot of fantasy since being on this site and so wanted to acquaint myself with some more. This is certainly an unusual premise, cowboys and fairies. This is a fun read, and has a fascinating story and plot, but I'm wondering what age group you're aiming at? Is it children's fantasy - I couldn't quite work it out in the first chapter as I don't have time to read more, nor did you add this in your genre categoeis - it might be worth while. I also wasn't sure what age the twins were - and again in your pitch, I think you should mention this and also lengthen the pitch to include some salient points about what they will encounter on their journey. This reminds me of the Mayan or is it Inca myth of the twins who have to venture into the underworld and meet some pretty grim demons etc on route. Best of luck with it, worth a spin on the shelf.

Penny,
Excellent writing and a very creative plot. Let's see we have Texas cowboys (twins in a gunfight) falling into a faerie ring in a land with leprechauns. How in the world did you come by the idea? Promises lots of action to come. If this is written for kids the tone is right on, but if it is for adults, I would suggest trimming the dialogue near the beginning to make it sound a little more natural. If it's too long it tends to sound like robots. You can test it by reading it out loud. I like the italics for thoughts, but thoughts should be trimmed to the bone. We usually think in words and phrases, not long sentences. Great story and fun read, good luck with it.
Steve Ward
Test Pilot's Daughter: Revenge

The premise is great--it reminds me of a Jonah Hex comic I read as a kid. I also like opening with dialogue, especially such stereotypically Western dialogue. That makes the transition to the other world even starker.

I would recommend reading everything here aloud to yourself to make sure it rings true. I would also lose some of the extraneous stage direction. He pointed at the band. She looked the same way. These are superfluous, and detract from the dialogue. Perhaps just "What's going on over there?" "The band's setting up," she said.

Also, check for other redundancies -- the same phrase repeated too close to itself can be a distraction. In the scene I just mentioned, you have "the sirens sang" twice in one paragraph. I definitely likely the phrase "while the sirens sang" for its alliteration, but rephrase one of them for more impact.

Some typos: Ch 1 -- bell-SHAPED
Ch. 3 three WISE hags

Nice start, though. Some tweaking will (like all of ours) make it stronger.
Stuart Phillips
High Cotton

The premise is great--it reminds me of a Jonah Hex comic I read as a kid. I also like opening with dialogue, especially such stereotypically Western dialogue. That makes the transition to the other world even starker.

I would recommend reading everything here aloud to yourself to make sure it rings true. I would also lose some of the extraneous stage direction. He pointed at the band. She looked the same way. These are superfluous, and detract from the dialogue. Perhaps just "What's going on over there?" "The band's setting up," she said.

Also, check for other redundancies -- the same phrase repeated too close to itself can be a distraction. In the scene I just mentioned, you have "the sirens sang" twice in one paragraph. I definitely likely the phrase "while the sirens sang" for its alliteration, but rephrase one of them for more impact.

Some typos: Ch 1 -- bell-SHAPED
Ch. 3 three WISE hags

Nice start, though. Some tweaking will (like all of ours) make it stronger.
Stuart Phillips
High Cotton

Penny,

Your title caught my eye. After reading the first couple of chapters, you've certainly prepared readers for some chills and thrills.

In you full pitch, I think destines should be spelled destinies.

You’re on my shelf.
Rodney

i really like how you start off with dialogue. in most cases it doesn't work but with yours it does.
this is a very fun read so far and i enjoy it. you are a talented writer. never lose confidence.
shelved